The Marauders Star In: The Three Little Pigs

Moony

JK's

Ok, this occurred to be while I was supposed to be studying spelling words. So, don't flame me if it's like really stupid. – Moony

The Three Little Pigs

Characters

Sirius Black – Pig #1

James Potter – Pig #2

Peter Pettigrew – Pig #3

Remus Lupin – The Big Bad Wolf

curtain opens

Remus: I DON'T WANT TO BE THE BIG BAD WOLF!

James: That isn't your line!

Sirius: It's my line that's the first!

Peter: THEN GO! The audience is staring!

Sirius: Oh I love this house made of straw! It's so cozy and I didn't have to work hard at all! Sadly to say, it can be blown down easily and by burned down by a fire! Oh well, what do I care?

Peter: Sirius!

Sirius: Whatever! It's Moony's turn!

Remus: I hate this line – Little pig, little pig, let me in!

Sirius: Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!

James: You don't HAVE a chinny-chin-chin!

Sirius: Not by the hairs of my wrinkly-skined elephant!

Audience: stare

Remus: I AM NOT A BIG BAD WOLF!

Peter: That is not your line!

Remus: Then I will HUFF and PUFF – huff puff – and BLOW your house down!

Sirius: Huff and puff? It sounds like you've been running a 20-meter track!

Remus: Actually I –

James: HUFF, so Dedalus can smash it!

Remus: Oh fine! Huffs and puffs and pretends to be blowing house down. House does not fall down.

James: I think Dedalus forgot.

Remus: Oh you really think I could blow that down? I can't even blow a huge bubble for Pete's sake! Let's make this easier, shall we? Pulls out wand. REDUCTO! House smashes.

Sirius: Runs and screams like a girl to the next house.

Peter: Ahh... my house is made of sticks! And I didn't spend much work on it! Knocks on the walls. And it's an endless supply of wood! If I ever need firewood for the fire, I can just chop the house down! It couldn't withstand a rainstorm!

James: You messed up your line completely! It's "The wood is of finest mahogany and will withstand any storm!"

Peter: Who cares? We didn't have enough rehearsals!

Remus: You are going to pay once I'm through with being the big bad wolf Sirius!

James: Stop complaining and say your line!

Remus: Little gits, little gits, let me come in!

Peter and Sirius: Not by the hair of our chinny-chin-chins!

James: You guys don't HAVE chinny-chin-chins! But Peter has a hair on his lip!

Peter: I DO NOT!

Sirius: Not by the hair of Peter's lip!

Peter: HEY!

Remus: Then I shall huff and puff and blow your house down!

Sirius: Did you run another 20 meters?

Remus: Well I –

James: Not the time!

Remus: huffs and puffs

James: Dedalus! Dedalus! Oh crap he's forgot the play was today.

Remus: Oh for crying out loud! REDUCTO! House smashes.

Sirius and Peter: Run in circles and scream like girls.

James: You guys are supposed to come to my house! Not run in circles!

Sirius: Oh, right.

Peter: Let us go to Brother 3's house, Brother 2!

Sirius: Do I have to be related to you?

Peter: Oh shut up! Let's go.

James: Ahh... a wonderful brick house! I am the best pig and I work the hardest! And surely with this house I can win my true love, Lily Evans' heart! Winks at Lily. Though if Remus is angry, he can smash it...

Peter: Raps on door. Brother! The Big Bad Wolf is after us! Please let us in your brick house!

James: Nah... I'm saving tea for Lily! The Big Bad Wolf is hungry anyway!

Sirius: Smashes open door, then replaces with a new one.

James: Oy! That's private property there!

Remus: Little toads, little toads, let me come in!

Sirius, James, and Peter: Not by the hair of our chinny-chin-chins!

James: We don't have chinny-chin-chins! We're TOADS now according to Remus!

Peter: Not by the warts of our warty throats!

Remus: Then I will HUFF and PUFF and kill you all! Reduc-

Sirius: No! You're supposed to die because the huffing and puffing leaves you so out of breath and exhausted!

Remus: smiles nastily Well, sorry to burst the bubble, but I LIVE! REDUCTO!

Sirius, Peter, and James: Scream like girls and run in circles

Sirius: HELP HELP! THE SKY IS FALLING, THE SKY IS FALLING!

Peter: Geroff me! Geroff me!

James: THAT WAS PRIVATE PROPERTY! WAIT 'TIL I SUE YOU!

Remus: Impedimenta!

Sirius: Are you challenging us to a duel?

Remus: Maybe I am!

James: RICTUSEMPRA!

Remus: Falls to the floor laughing hysterically. Tar-hee-an-hee – TARANTELLEGRA!

James: tap dances

Peter: Impedimenta! Spell misses and hits spotlight. Glass smashes.

Sirius: STUPEFY!

James: Ducks. Spell hits window.

Audience: scream

McGonagall: BOYS! When I gave permission to do this play, I never said that – ducks and dodges green light... BOYS!

Fighting ensues. Curtain closes.