The long-awaited Scene 17

The Entry of the Evil Biting Gopher

A/N: Ta-da! I am back, and in black! Well, not really…anyway, I have become obsessed with the Monty Python movies lately, so I am going to steal some lines! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Let's hope this scene goes well! Ta-ta! Oh, and thanks to all my reviewers! You guys are, like my…er, um, I dunno! All I know is, you guys RAWK!

(whilst Hermione and Hagrid are arguing about the rules of grammar, Harry and Ron quietly sneak away)

Harry: Whew, that was close!

Ron: Yeah, I thought we were done for!

Harry: Hey, let's go get some éclairs from the house-elves.

Ron: Yay! Éclairs RAWK!

Harry: But, won't Hermione be mad when she finds out?

Ron: Who says she needs to find out?

Harry: Good point.

Part 2 of Scene 17

Introducing…Mr. Gophy

(Harry and Ron are walking towards the entrance to the castle door, when Ron trips over something)

Ron: AAAAAHHHH! I'M HUUUURRRTTT AND I'M GOING TO DIEEEEEEEE!!!

Harry: Oh, shut up.

Ron: OOHHHH THE AGONY!!!!!!!

Harry: Be quiet.

Ron: OH THE AGONY OH THE REJECTION!

Harry: What the heck are you on about? What REJECTION?

Ron: I CAN SEE THE LIIIIGGHHHT IT'S ALL DAAAARRKKKKKK SAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Harry: SHUT UP!

Ron: I NEED…I NEED…

Harry: Be quiet!

Ron: I NEED HELLLPPPPP!

Harry: (shakes Ron senseless) SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

Ron: (finally snaps out of it) Hey, what was it I tripped over anyways?

Harry: (glares at Ron)

Ron: What?

Harry: (sighs) Never mind. I think you tripped on this…(points to gopher lying motionless on the ground)

Ron: EEEWWW that thing is a rodent!

Harry: Oh, be quote on quote. It's just a harmless little gopher…I think it's hurt…(picks up gopher)

Ron: Eew, don't touch it!

Harry: (rolls eyes) Ron, don't be an idiot. (inspects gopher) You see? It's been…INJECTED!!!! *weird violin music*

Ron: (gasps) OH NO! What do we do?

Harry: We need to get it to the hospital wing.

Ron: Shouldn't we name it first?

Harry: Why?

Ron: Because.

Harry: Wow, you're really persuasive. (A/N: He is being serious!!!!) Okay, we'll name it Mr. Gophy.

Part 3 of Scene 17

The Destruction of the Hospital Wing

Harry: Is he gonna be all right?

MP: Yes, he's going to be fine, even though he's been…INJECTED!!!!! *weird violin music*

Ron: (faints from terror)

MP: Oh, we might as well take care of HIM too. (heaves Ron onto nearby bed) Man, does this boy weigh a lot…how much does he eat?

Harry: He eats five hams every day at dinner.

MP: Well, that explains it! (goes over to Mr.Gophy) Okay, let's take care of this little critter here.

Harry: His name's Mr. Gophy and he's been…INJECTED *weird violin music* so you should treat him with more respect.

MP: Whatever. (puts on surgical mask)

Harry: (does same)

(Mr. Gophy suddenly wakes up and attacks the unconscious Ron)

Ron: (wakes up) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! IT'S SUCKING MY WILL TO LIVE!!!!!

Mr. Gophy: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

MP: ACKERS!

Harry: Huh?

MP: Never mind. STOP…THAT…GOPHER!!!

(Mr.Gophy suddenly stops attacking Ron and pounces on MP)

MP: NOOOOOOOOO!

Mr.Gophy: YAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Harry: Ah! Help! Someone help! (begins to run around in circles) help! The gopher is attacking people! Oh, help! Oh the humanity! Help, help! Oh Jerusalem!

(stone hits Harry on the head)

Harry: Hey! (rubs head) What the-

(villagers come jumping through the window, throwing stones at Harry)

Harry: (shielding head with arms) HEY! What gives?

Villager 1: You said Jerusalem!

Villagers: (throw stones at Villager 1 and Harry)

Villager 1: Hey! I was just telling him he said Jerusalem!

Villagers: (throw more stones at Villager 1 and less at Harry)

Villager 1: But I didn't mean to offend anyone when I said Jerusalem!

Villagers: (ignore Harry completely and throw all their stones at Villager 1)

Villager 1: AAAAAHHHHHHH JERUSALEM!

(Harry quietly sneaks out to get DD)

Harry: (bumps into DD) Hey, how did you…?

DD: No time for questions, Harry. (goes into hospital wing)

DD: (to villagers) NI!

Villagers: (stop throwing stones and stare at DD with wide eyes)

DD: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!

Villagers: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! (jump out window)

Harry: Cool, Professor!

DD: Thank you, Harry. Now, I'll just INJECT *weird violin music* this gopher for a temporary period until we figure out what to do.

Harry: We?

DD: (sighs) Not you and me, the magical community.

Harry: Oh.

DD: *INJECTS Mr. Gophy*

Mr. Gophy: Squeak! *faints*

Ron: I want a shrubbery!

A/N: Well, how was that? Didya like it? Huh huh huh? REVIEW!