AN; Sorry it's been so long since I updated, but I was ill last weekend and it was as much as I could do to sit in bed and watch TV. Thank you for your reviews and once again I apologise for the update delay. I have also started a new job so I may only be able to update weekly we will just have to see.

Chapter 12

Six weeks later

The ER was buzzing with activity. There were some people walking with purpose focused on what they needed to do. Some walked aimlessly around looking lost and confused. Some angry, some scared. The people around her displayed all kinds of emotions as she gazed at what she knew as work.

'Hey Abby' Morris said bringing her back to reality 'Stop day dreaming, it's gridlock out there' he indicated triage then the rest of the ER.

'Yeah I see' she answered unenthusiastically

'What's wrong with you anyway. You haven't been back long, you should be full of energy, raring to go'

'I was off sick, not on vacation' she pointed out

'Yeah but a break's a break' he added

She looked at him unbelievingly.

'Everything okay?' Carter asked Abby

'She's fine, she's just getting down to work' said Morris answering for Abby, as he did so handing her some charts.

Abby couldn't be bothered to reply to Morris' last comment and as she walked off Carter said annoyed to Morris 'I was talking to Abby'

Morris looked at Carter and shrugged before walking off himself to do as little work as was possible. While Carter watched Abby whom he was worried about.

o0o

Three men were chasing her, everything was dark and gloomy and she kept tripping over obstacles that she couldn't see. She could hear her pursuers gaining on her. She knew that they were able to smell her fear. She began to panic; she was breathing hard, her heart pounding as they got nearer. The men started shouting at her and she fell again. The shots rang out and she fell once more.

Abby bolted upright in bed trying to breathe normally, her heart still thumping. Perspiration glistened on her face and she switched the bedside light on. She lay back into the pillows and tried to eradicate the dream from her memory. She couldn't remember a night since she'd been back home when she hadn't had a nightmare similar to this one; sometimes it involved the baby.

Abby knew that the man who shot her would never shoot anyone again, he had been killed outright at the scene the day it had all happened. But the fear was still there. Knowing that she would not go back to sleep now she got up to make a hot drink for herself.

o0o

A few days later

'Abby, I think you should take a look at this patient' Connie said handing Abby a chart which hardly had any information on it at all, except that the child had been found after a neighbour had called 911 after hearing gun shots in the apartment.

'Don't you think an attending ought to take it?'

'They're all in trauma'

'I know' she replied

'Look she can't wait, she really needs to see someone. She won't respond to me or Chuny'

'Okay I'll see her' Abby said giving the chart back to Connie and wishing that she had stayed in bed. The nightmares would surely be better than having to deal with this type of situation when she felt as she did.

Abby and Connie walked into the room; the girl sat huddled on the bed taking up as little space as was humanly possible. She looked to be about seven years of age. Her big blue eyes stared at Abby warily and Abby smiled reassuringly back.

'She doesn't talk, she's tried, another nurse has tried, I tried' said the woman in the next bed whom Abby ignored, pulling the curtain half way round the child's bed as she did so.

'Hi I'm Dr Lockhart, can you tell me your name?' Abby asked the child gently.

The child continued looking at Abby, seemingly right into her soul.

'You know I really want to help you' Abby added perching on the far end of the bed so that she wasn't towering over the little girl.

The child still watched her, summing Abby up as she did so.

'Want me to call a social worker?' Connie asked

Abby nodded.

'NO DON'T' the child shouted

Abby and Connie focused their attention back on her.

'Why not? Asked Abby gently

'I don't want to go back'

'Back where?' prompted Abby

'Home'

'We're going to make sure when you leave you'll go be someplace safe' Abby told her. She knew it must be pretty bad if the child did not want to return to her home. Even when she was a kid and things were really bad she would always want to go home if she were stuck somewhere else.

'Abby' called Chuny urgently 'Your gall bladder patient is crashing'

'What?' Abby replied somewhat surprised, then to the girl she said 'Don't go anywhere I'll be right back'

The girl who hadn't moved from her huddled position nodded.

o0o

When Abby returned a short while later after having managed to save the gall bladder guy, the girl was curled up in a different position still in the far corner of the bed. She watched carefully as Abby approached the bed and sat down where she had previously been, followed into the area by Connie. Abby faced her youngest and probably most troubled patient of the day.

'Did he die?' the girl asked

'Pardon?' Abby replied

'The guy you went to see. Did he die?'

'No' Abby told her

The child regarded Abby thoughtfully. 'Molly, my name's Molly'

'Well hi Molly. Do you have a last name?'

'Delaney'

'How old are you, six? Seven?'

'Nine'

'Nine?' Abby said amazed

'I know I'm kind of small. I used to get teased at school'

'You don't anymore?'

Molly shrugged 'Don't go, last time I went I was eight'

'Oh' said Abby trying to think of something else to say then adding 'Is there anyone you'd like me to call? Someone that you could go stay with?'

Molly shook her head and shrugged. 'Don't know anyone. Did they die?'

'Who?'

'My Mom and Keith'

'They were with you this morning?' Abby asked noticing Ken appear out the corner of her eye.

'Yeah they were fighting, they always fight. I was sitting behind the couch. It's safe there. Who's this?' she asked indicating Ken

'This is Ken, he's a social worker and we're going to try and help you'

'Don't want to talk to him, I want to talk to you'

'Well you know what I'll come by later and talk with you but I've got lots of other patients who need me too'

Molly looked at her digesting this latest piece of information. 'Will she stay?' she said pointing at Connie.

'You want me to?' asked Connie

'Mmmm yeah that's okay. I just don't want no one to hit me'

'No one's going to hit you' Abby told her gently

'For real? And you'll find out what happened to my Mom and Keith?' asked Molly and Abby nodded. Then Molly added 'And you promise you'll come back?'

'Yes I promise' Abby told her looking at her with a combination of compassion and sympathy. Molly was a mixture of trying to act tough and completely vulnerable all in one. Before she left Abby ran through with Connie some tests they needed to run on Molly.

o0o

'Oh sorry' said Abby 'I thought I was alone' she perched her coffee on the ledge and looked out over the roof of County.

'It's okay' said Fleur 'How are you feeling?'

Abby shook her head slightly and shrugged her shoulders 'Well I'm back at work, so I must be better right?'

Fleur smiled 'Maybe. What brings you up here?'

'I needed some air, you know, I have this patient who 's nine. Physically abused by her mother and boyfriend, neglected, malnourished. Now they're dead it looks like they had a fight he shot his girlfriend then himself and I have to go downstairs and tell the little girl her Mom has died. I don't know if I can find the right words, I know it's not the first time I've had to give this kind of speech, but it's the first time I've had to tell a child'

'You'll be fine. She must be tough, the girl'

'She is, mixed with all her insecurities'

'You know she's got a chance, getting out of that kind of situation now'

'I know, doesn't make it easy though'

'No. Life is never easy, well that's my take on it anyway'

Abby looked at Fleur questioningly and Fleur added with a careless shrug. 'I grew up in boarding schools, I was sent away when I was younger than your patient is now, my mother had died and her mother too. There was no one to care for me so I was sent away to school by my father's family'

'What about the holidays?'

'Oh I usually stayed with one of the teachers who needed a holiday job to supplement their income. Mrs Mowatt would take me out to the country, somewhere in New England and Miss Reitherman always took me to her parents beach house in the summer, I used to think that that was pretty cool.' She stopped reminiscing on her past and smiled at Abby 'I better get going, good luck with your patient'

Abby sighed and took a gulp of her coffee thinking about Molly and her distressing life and then reflecting on Fleur and her sad tale.

o0o

Abby walked back into the room where Molly was now sitting looking more relaxed against the pillows on her bed. From glancing at the bed tray Abby could see that she had eaten too.

'Hi Molly' Abby said again sitting on the bed, she didn't care if it was the wrong thing to do, Abby just didn't want to tower over the girl and make her feel threatened. This way they were almost eye level with each other. Abby sat there feeling increasingly uncomfortable.

Picking up on this Molly said 'You know don't you? About my Mom?'

Abby nodded 'She was hurt really badly and the doctors did everything they could but she died' she said gently and carefully.

Molly's eyes glistened with tears 'I knew she was going to die he hit her in her stomach' One by one the tears fell silently down her face. 'What about Keith, did he die too?'

Abby nodded not trusting herself to speak this was all a bit too close to recent events for her and also the whole thing with Molly really bothered her.

'I hated them but I didn't want them to die' she said and Abby couldn't help but draw Molly into a hug and let the girl sob.

Hearing approaching footsteps Abby turned to see Ken once again and they shared an understanding look with regard to Molly.

o0o

Molly had left with Ken to a temporary foster placement and Abby sighed this was one of the worst days of her career as a doctor. She needed some space, some time out alone but she had another six hours left of her shift. Her need was so great to be away from everything she walked into the empty lounge to try and compose herself, so that she could continue with a decent frame of mind.

All the images of Molly were rushing around in her head, mixed with the pictures of the day with the paramedics and her time as a patient and when she lost the baby. She knew she wasn't really sure about anything anymore, life just wasn't fair. Just when you thought you'd got your life together something always came and spoilt it.

Molly had spent a lifetime in fear, a lifetime without love and she, Abby could have had a baby, two in fact and she knew that she would have loved them. She knew that she had loved them, even if she had not actually loved their fathers at the time, if at all. Although that was unfair for she had loved Richard once, Ben never however.

As she stood there lost in her thoughts the tears silently slipped down her face, all she wanted right now was to be able to go home. Unfortunately she couldn't really pass her self off as sick, so she just hugged herself tight and willed for the feelings to go away.

She was still standing like this when Carter entered the lounge to prepare for his upcoming shift, so occupied in her own world she didn't even hear him when he called her name and asked if she was okay.

When she failed to turn round or reply he reached out and laid a hand on her shoulder and discovered that it was trembling. Moving closer enabled him to see that everything was not all right and he sighed wondering what had sparked this off here, in the ER. Normally she was an expert at hiding her emotions from the outside world.

As with Abby earlier when Molly was distressed Carter couldn't help himself but draw Abby into his embrace. Some time later when Kerry who was looking not only for Abby who had disappeared with out trace, but also for Dr Carter who was now late for his shift, entered the room she discovered the pair sitting on the floor arms locked around each other and although it was obvious Abby was crying it appeared that Carter was too.