Finding Courtney

Chapter 10: Pretend I'm Her

We lost it all, nothing lasts forever I'm sorry I can't be perfect, but now it's just to late and we can't go back I'm sorry I can't be perfect nothings gonna change all the things that you said, and nothings gonna make this right again…

He opened his eyes the rest of the way and wiped the sleep out. He was instantly mad at who he saw. He sat up, his face red again and just before he opened his mouth to talk but she cut him off.

"Jason, before you say anything I know that I was a bitch before. I did a lot of thinking when I went home and I'm sorry." Taylor said.

She sounded reasonable and thrown off the fake preppy voice and was talking in a normal tone.

"If you're expecting me to forgive you and take you back than you have another thing coming." He said plainly.

"No, I really don't expect that of you. I was just hoping we could talk this out and you at least not hate each other, and I have a few questions." She said. He was impressed by how she was acting and pleasantly surprised.

"I'm listening." He sat up and patted the bed next to him as an invitation to sit down with him.

"Well, I guess my first question is, when did I change? I didn't even notice it until today." She said. It was at this point when Jason noticed that she was actually clothed and looked pretty nice. She looked like the old Taylor

"I remember the exact day that I started to notice a change in you. We went to that Green Day concert and I wanted to bring my friend Betsy with me. You got really mad. That was the first time I noticed you being possessive. Then every time that you did something mean, you'd lay on the charm and start kissing me or getting me into bed and you started wearing revealing clothes and stuff." He couldn't believe that they were able to have a sensible conversation. She looked to the ground and nodded.

"What's your next question?" he asked her. Tears welled up in her big blue eyes.

"We were so in love that first year. Where did we go wrong?' she said tears falling.

"I don't know. I really don't know," he said gently taking her hand.

"I mean, how could I have changed so much? I am so sorry for the things that I put you through." She cried out. He wrapped his arms around her and let her cry into his shoulder.

"Hey, it's okay, it's okay. You know what, even though this past year hasn't been so great, I would through that 20 times just to get to have our first two years once." He said. You could tell that he truly meant it.

"Really?" she sniffled, looking up at him and wiping her eyes.

"Yes. And I wasn't exactly prince charming." He said trying to lighten the mood.

"Yes you were." She said, tears staining her voice. The moment grew intense, their faces were about 5 inches away, and they both moved a little, making it about 4 inches.

"Kiss me, one last time." She whispered.

"I can't, you know I don't feel that way about you anymore." He said, trying to be honest without hurting her.

"I know you don't. You love Courtney. And I have a feeling that you didn't get one last kiss from her." She said. He looked down and shook his head no.

"I bet you wanted one to. I'm sorry that she left. But I need this Jason. Pretend I'm her. Just close your eyes and put all the love that you feel for her and get the kiss that you didn't get this morning. Do to me what you would to her." She said starting to cry.

He looked at her again and he saw her pretty blue eyes and dirty blonde hair. She was gorgeous. But, he didn't feel anything. He closed his eyes and pictured Courtney and when he opened them again, he no longer saw Taylor sitting in his arms. He saw Courtney. He pulled her into him as tightly as possible and put his mouth on hers. The kiss grew in its intensity. He tongue slipped past her lips slowly at first, then darted in, running along her gum line, and then entwining with her tongue. Then, he reached for the button of her shirt.

"Jason… maybe… we should… stop" she said threw the kiss. He unbuttoned to buttons.

"Why" he said

"I… don't… want... to take…. Advan… tage… of you" she said.

He said nothing and so she pulled away and stood up. Jason just stared at her, and she stared at him.

"Jason, you're vulnerable, I can't take advantage of you." She said

"You aren't I promise. I really need this okay. Not just to say goodbye to Courtney but to say goodbye to you. If you don't want to then that's fine." He said.

She didn't say anything else. She sat back down and started to kiss him again. And as Jason made love to her, all he could think of was Courtney. Taylor knew, but she couldn't turn and walk away and she didn't know why.