AUTHOR'S NOTE: OK, this is a complete and total AU, so Buffy is just a
normal girl...or maybe not....but she's not the slayer!! Oh! And, FYI Sunnydale
is now in New Jersey, because I have a special fondness for that state,
don't ask me why. Xander wont be in it for a couple chapters, sorry all of
you Xandattics. The only characters of Joss's are Buffy, Willow, Cordy, and
Xander...FOR NOW. All of the rest are mine...muwahahahha! Have fun and PLEASE
REVIEW!
The rain pounded hard on the cracked cement sidewalk outside of an old brick New York City apartment building. The street in front of the apartment was empty and judging by the darkness that enveloped the building it was well past midnight. The only sound that could be heard was the constant tapping of the rain against the building and a cat searching through the dumpster in the side ally. Suddenly, the old green door to the apartment flung open. A blonde woman about 27 years old stumbled out dragging a trunk.
"Ryan! Ryan! RYAN! Get your little butt out here! We need to leave now! Ryan! Where are you?" She screamed.
"Mommy! I don't wanna go!" a young boy replied back from out of the window right above the door.
"Honey, you need to come down here right now. We need to go! Grab your coat and come down."
"But...But!" the little boy whined.
"Ryan! Get your butt down here now before you make mommy any madder than she already is!"
"Okay..." he said reluctantly. The little boy's head disappeared from the window seal and the blonde woman continued to drag the beaten trunk to the curb. She sat down on it and waited for her son. The only light there was a street lamp that flickered, as it was soon to burn out. There was a creaking noise and she turned around to see her brown haired son slowly shuffle his feet towards her in the rain, reluctant to go. She motioned for him to sit down on the trunk with her and he did. He laid his head on her shoulder as they continued to get soaked.
"Mommy, what are we doing?"
"Remember sweetie, we're going on a long trip...just as soon as a lousy taxi driver will come and pick us up." the last part she muttered to herself. "Just take a nap. Okay?"
A response was not needed and the little boy just shut his eyes, little did he know that he would never open them again.
The two waited for another half hour as the rain continued to soak them and then the long-waited-for headlights of a yellow taxi came from around the corner onto the once empty street. She waved at the taxi while still sitting down and it pulled over to the curb next to her. She picked up her sleeping son as the taxi driver came out and got her trunk and stuck it in the back. He was a strong man who was in his late 20's also. He had dark hair, a great smile, and was wearing a brightly colored Hawaiian shirt which made him seem slightly gay, but when she climbed into the back of the taxi, she saw a picture of what she assumed to be his girlfriend and him, and she dismissed the previous thought.
"Where are you headed?" he asked.
"The airport please."
"Alright, I'll get ya there as soon as I can, but with this rain..." he trailed off.
They sat in silence for a while. The little boy continued to sleep as his mother thought about how she was probably ruining this poor taxi driver's car by dripping all over it, while she stared out the window. Suddenly, a bright light encircled the taxi. It was blinding and brighter than anything the young woman or taxi driver had ever seen.
"This is amazing, I've lived in New York my entire life," the taxi driver began, "but I've never seen lightening like this."
"Amazing? That's what you call this? More like creepy."
"Ah, don't worry about it. We're perfectly safe. I've got the best rubber tires that Big Al could get me on this baby. You won't be getting any electroshock therapy tonight."
The woman smirked at this and attempted to look out the window but couldn't. Looking out the window was almost like trying to look into the sun, however the light was not a warm light; it was a cold, depressing, and eerie light.
"Just get me to the airport as soon as possible, I've never been comfortable in the rain."
"Yes ma—"the driver was cut off by the rumbling of the car. The car began to shake violently, tipping left and then right. It seemed as if the car would completely flip over at any second. The woman attempted to open the door but there was a force on the other side crushing the door inwards.
"We need to get out of here." She yelled to the driver, but her cry became lost once a screeching penetrated the windows, shattering them and deafening all of the passengers. The woman shut her eyes and screamed to the driver again.
"Unlock the doors! Something's wrong!" The rain was pouring into the car and the screech was so piercing that she couldn't think straight or see straight for that matter. She could barely see passed the tip of her own nose, but she thought she saw a vague outline of the driver. She aimed to tap the driver on the shoulder to make him aware, but when she did, his shoulder felt strange. Swiftly, the driver turned around his head to speak, but the woman found herself face to face with a living skeleton.
"Where is she?" the skeleton demanded, but the woman did not answer for she was in shock. Instead she screamed until she felt herself start to feel as if she was fading. Not mentally, but almost physically. She looked back in the direction of the taxi driver, but he was no longer seated in the driver's seat. In fact, he was nowhere to be seen. The woman assumed that he got out of the car in all of the confusion, but she wasn't going to take any chances. She reached to grab her sleeping son, only to find herself sitting alone in the taxi. Her son was no longer sitting next to her. She screamed out for him, but found that she no longer had a voice. She tried to jiggle the handle of the door, but realized that her hand was gone. Her entire being was gone. All that was left was her soul, her spirit, her essence. She wanted to escape, but felt herself being pulled to another place, a far away place. Then the light shot through what was left of her and she was gone.
The cat that had been crawling around in the dumpster by the woman's apartment was now walking down the street towards the vacant taxi. It took a moment in passing to take in the view. There was a taxi, passengerless, driverless, crashed into a telephone pole. The windows were shattered, but there was no evidence of what had done the damage. Darkness now seeped into ever corner of the taxi. The cat thought about maybe using it as a home, but felt that it now had an empty evil presence and continued on its way on that rainy night.
"Buffy. Buffy. Buffy!" an older woman with her hair pulled tightly back walked up to a sleeping girl in a classroom. Every eye in the classroom was on this sleeping individual, and she seemed to not have a care in the world about it. Her long brown hair was spread all across the desk and her face was buried in her blue sweater clad arms. She was wearing a schoolgirl skirt and knee high socks. The older woman, presumed to be the teacher, walked up to the girl and slapped a ruler across her desk. The girl shot up instantly mumbling something about George Washington and the year 1587.
"Buffy, this is not History, and its definitely not Sleeping 101. I asked you to recite a poem by Maya Angelou, but as I can see that you're more interested in watching the inside of your eyelids, so by all means continue. Continue right on into detention after school today."
"Ms. Allans, you can't give me detention!" Buffy shouted back.
"Oh? Is that so? And may I ask why, Miss—"the teacher was cut off by the chiming of the bell.
"Because that was the bell and you didn't have time to write me a referral slip, so technically, I'm out of school for the day and I'm no longer your concern. Oh shucks! I guess you're just going to have to save that red ink for grading my essay. Ok, well I've got to go! The parking lot is just a mess if you leave late." And with that, Buffy grabbed up her bag and ran out of the room. She walked down a busy crowded hallway, lockers slammed as kids mindlessly spread rumors. It was easy for Buffy to blend into the crowd, just another face, just another student, just another girl. She clutched her bag tightly and walked into the light of a bright summer day in New Jersey.
She headed towards the flagpole where she saw her redheaded friend waiting for her. Abruptly, she felt her arm pulled to the left.
"Ms. Allans! We already covered this! That was the bell, school is over for the day, so..." she looked up to see one of the most terrifying people she would ever meet in her life. "Oh," she attempted to chuckle, "Cordelia Chase. Its very nice to be within your presence today and if my body took Visa, you could have my arm, but sorry we only accept cash, so I guess you're going to have to give me my arm back."
The perfect blonde, with daddy's wallet and Brittany Spear's taste in clothes glared back at her. "How could you do this to me!?" she shouted back in a clear valley girl tone. It was almost as if she had walked right out of the Mattel Barbie Doll Factory and that was just one of the phrases an eager child would get when you pulled her string. "Do what?" Buffy asked back very confused.
"Hello! First of all, you're making me talk to you! And second of all, how could you wear that knock off! I mean, you wear the same thing as me and you make everyone else assume that we got it from the same place when obviously mine comes direct from the designer while yours comes from the sales rack at K-mart! Do you know that I will never be able to wear this in public again!?"
Buffy stared up Cordelia and snorted. She couldn't help laughing; it was just so incredibly ridiculous. Somehow she managed to get out an apology intermittently between the laughs. Cordelia raised a hand to Buffy's face and left to go meet up with her Abercrombie model boyfriend who was more into his reflection that he would ever be into Cordelia. Buffy turned on her heel and walked over to her impatient flagpole friend.
"Sorry Willow, Cordelia was having a fashion emergency. When there is a surgery for brain implants, remind me to sign her up for one." Willow just laughed. They set off through the busy parking lot in search of Buffy's black Volkswagen beetle.
"So, Starbucks or home?" Willow asked as she dodged a red Volvo.
"Let's see, super caffeine high with the downfall of a shortness factor of an Oompa Loompa, being that our entire stock market club started drinking coffee when they were about ten and now they practically need booster seats whenever they go out for pizza, proving that coffee does stunt your growth, or peanut butter and jelly with cartoons...hmm...I'm seriously leaning in the direction of the Wonder bread, although I hear that Oompa Loompas are going to be in style by sometime next year." Buffy stated with a sarcastic bit of confidence.
"I don't think that green hair would suit you." Willow remarked as she walked up to the passenger side of Buffy's car. She hopped in and threw her bag in the back as Buffy put the key in the ignition. Willow knew not to talk while Buffy was backing up. Buffy didn't need any distractions to make her mess up anymore than she already would. Willow tightened her seatbelt and prepared herself for the worst. Buffy spun the volume knob to turn the music up to such a level of loudness that you could no longer actually understand the words, only feel your seat as it vibrated to the basic rhythm of the song. Buffy put the car in reverse and stepped on the pedal, flooring it to the ground, while swiftly spinning the wheel and then sticking her hands up in the air to dance along to a noise that she called "music." Willow closed her eyes and braced for impact as Buffy's bumper tapped the principal's pick-up truck.
"Did we hit?" Buffy asked with some concern in her voice.
"Just barely." Willow said as she pulled out her planner and made another hash mark on the inside cover. "That makes thirty-four since you got your license a year ago."
"Alright! Ten points for me! Ding Ding! Yes, I would like to thank the academy and all of the little people I stepped on, or rather ran over, to get here." Buffy said chuckling. They sped out of the parking lot and onto Perfect Promenade. Willow looked at the sign and chuckled. Three years of going to this school and driving past that sign and it still made her giggle.
"What's so funny?" Buffy asked.
"That sign: Perfect Promenade."
"Yeah, what about it?" Buffy questioned still completely confused.
"Well, have you ever noticed how every single street in this pathetic little town has a happy name? Blissful Boulevard, Laughter Lane, Delightful Dead End! I mean they might as well call this town Over the Rainbow, New Jersey rather than Sunnydale." Willow blurted.
"I know what you mean. But it's not that bad. I mean its kind of nice to live in a perfect little town. I mean wouldn't it be kind of creepy if the streets were called Broken Down Boulevard, Lousy Lane, Deader than Dead Dead End?" Buffy asked showing some true patriotism for the quaint town.
"You've got a point, although, Deader than Dead Dead End sounds kind of fun. Maybe we should petition for our only dead end to be changed to that!" Willow said with some excitement.
"Yeah, you go right ahead and do that. Say, did you realize that Lunch Lady Dorris was missing today?" Buffy asked suspiciously as she made a sharp U-turn causing the car to drive on two wheels and making Willow leave a cheek imprint against her window.
"Oh really? I didn't really pay attention at lunch. The science lab just got in the pigs for dissection and I was too distracted envisioning just me, the little oinker, and a scalpel!" Willow dreamily commented with a smile, showing her true nerdy side.
Buffy made a disgusted face. "Eww, at lunch! No wonder you're so skinny!"
"No, it was fun. In my daydream, I was in this new reality show, called "The Swine." It was a spin-off on "The Swan" and we did plastic surgery on the pig! We made her into a beautiful Princess Piggy! But not like the Muppet or anything."
"Wow Han, that's some imagination you have." Buffy muttered not really knowing how to respond to something like that.
"Anyways, what's wrong with Lunch Lady Dorris being absent?" Willow asked to keep a steady flow of conversation.
"Well, you know how Lunch Lady Dorris thinks I look like the daughter she never had because she's a bitter old spinster?"
Willow grinned, "Yeah. I remind her of Raggedy Anne Doll that she never got."
"Well anyways, because of that, she always gives me extra of that mystery ooey gooey boogery junk that's in the coleslaw bucket, and because she wasn't there, I was given just the normal amount." Buffy said with a little bit of a pout.
"Oh, how awful! At least you don't touch your coleslaw even when she does give it to you."
"That's not the point!" Buffy shouted back as she quickly floored the brake, stopping for the pigeon in the middle of the road. She then turned to Willow and Willow just glared back at her.
"Alright! Alright! I'll do pigeon duty today, but you've got it next!" Willow said as she opened up her door and stepped out.
Buffy leaned over and shouted, "Thanks Wills! You're the best!" and then continued to look out the windshield at her friend walking up to the pigeon. Willow walked up to the bird sitting in the middle of the road, not intent on moving. She stared at the bird and then looked back at Buffy sitting in the car.
"Fine you stubborn pigeon. You asked for it. It's time for my secret pigeon weapon." There was a moment of silence and then Willow squatted down next to the pigeon and screamed, "MEOW!" Instantly the bird flew away and Willow hopped up and smiled and did a quick head tilt at Buffy and got back into the car.
As Willow fastened her seat belt, Buffy broke out into laughter.
"What? It was being evil!" Willow retorted.
"I'm sure." Buffy said as she but her foot back on the gas pedal again. "Okay, so back to Dorris."
"Oh, right. Umm, I don't know what to say Buffy. She probably just croaked." Willow said monotone.
Buffy squeaked. "WHAT!? But I love Lunch Lady Dorris! She's like my role model! And how could she die!? I mean that lady is ancient, but after that many years of eating her own food, she's gotta be like Cat Woman or something!"
"Don't you mean Wonder Woman?" Willow asked.
"No. Cat Woman had the better costume."
"Good point. Well, I'm sure she'll be back soon. If not, you could always ask the Lunch Lady Substitute, but I wouldn't recommend it. I have a feeling that he's a convict on parole. Don't worry about it. But back to the super heroes, do you really think that Cat Woman's costume is better than Wonder Woman's? I mean Wonder Woman had those nice red boots..."
The rain pounded hard on the cracked cement sidewalk outside of an old brick New York City apartment building. The street in front of the apartment was empty and judging by the darkness that enveloped the building it was well past midnight. The only sound that could be heard was the constant tapping of the rain against the building and a cat searching through the dumpster in the side ally. Suddenly, the old green door to the apartment flung open. A blonde woman about 27 years old stumbled out dragging a trunk.
"Ryan! Ryan! RYAN! Get your little butt out here! We need to leave now! Ryan! Where are you?" She screamed.
"Mommy! I don't wanna go!" a young boy replied back from out of the window right above the door.
"Honey, you need to come down here right now. We need to go! Grab your coat and come down."
"But...But!" the little boy whined.
"Ryan! Get your butt down here now before you make mommy any madder than she already is!"
"Okay..." he said reluctantly. The little boy's head disappeared from the window seal and the blonde woman continued to drag the beaten trunk to the curb. She sat down on it and waited for her son. The only light there was a street lamp that flickered, as it was soon to burn out. There was a creaking noise and she turned around to see her brown haired son slowly shuffle his feet towards her in the rain, reluctant to go. She motioned for him to sit down on the trunk with her and he did. He laid his head on her shoulder as they continued to get soaked.
"Mommy, what are we doing?"
"Remember sweetie, we're going on a long trip...just as soon as a lousy taxi driver will come and pick us up." the last part she muttered to herself. "Just take a nap. Okay?"
A response was not needed and the little boy just shut his eyes, little did he know that he would never open them again.
The two waited for another half hour as the rain continued to soak them and then the long-waited-for headlights of a yellow taxi came from around the corner onto the once empty street. She waved at the taxi while still sitting down and it pulled over to the curb next to her. She picked up her sleeping son as the taxi driver came out and got her trunk and stuck it in the back. He was a strong man who was in his late 20's also. He had dark hair, a great smile, and was wearing a brightly colored Hawaiian shirt which made him seem slightly gay, but when she climbed into the back of the taxi, she saw a picture of what she assumed to be his girlfriend and him, and she dismissed the previous thought.
"Where are you headed?" he asked.
"The airport please."
"Alright, I'll get ya there as soon as I can, but with this rain..." he trailed off.
They sat in silence for a while. The little boy continued to sleep as his mother thought about how she was probably ruining this poor taxi driver's car by dripping all over it, while she stared out the window. Suddenly, a bright light encircled the taxi. It was blinding and brighter than anything the young woman or taxi driver had ever seen.
"This is amazing, I've lived in New York my entire life," the taxi driver began, "but I've never seen lightening like this."
"Amazing? That's what you call this? More like creepy."
"Ah, don't worry about it. We're perfectly safe. I've got the best rubber tires that Big Al could get me on this baby. You won't be getting any electroshock therapy tonight."
The woman smirked at this and attempted to look out the window but couldn't. Looking out the window was almost like trying to look into the sun, however the light was not a warm light; it was a cold, depressing, and eerie light.
"Just get me to the airport as soon as possible, I've never been comfortable in the rain."
"Yes ma—"the driver was cut off by the rumbling of the car. The car began to shake violently, tipping left and then right. It seemed as if the car would completely flip over at any second. The woman attempted to open the door but there was a force on the other side crushing the door inwards.
"We need to get out of here." She yelled to the driver, but her cry became lost once a screeching penetrated the windows, shattering them and deafening all of the passengers. The woman shut her eyes and screamed to the driver again.
"Unlock the doors! Something's wrong!" The rain was pouring into the car and the screech was so piercing that she couldn't think straight or see straight for that matter. She could barely see passed the tip of her own nose, but she thought she saw a vague outline of the driver. She aimed to tap the driver on the shoulder to make him aware, but when she did, his shoulder felt strange. Swiftly, the driver turned around his head to speak, but the woman found herself face to face with a living skeleton.
"Where is she?" the skeleton demanded, but the woman did not answer for she was in shock. Instead she screamed until she felt herself start to feel as if she was fading. Not mentally, but almost physically. She looked back in the direction of the taxi driver, but he was no longer seated in the driver's seat. In fact, he was nowhere to be seen. The woman assumed that he got out of the car in all of the confusion, but she wasn't going to take any chances. She reached to grab her sleeping son, only to find herself sitting alone in the taxi. Her son was no longer sitting next to her. She screamed out for him, but found that she no longer had a voice. She tried to jiggle the handle of the door, but realized that her hand was gone. Her entire being was gone. All that was left was her soul, her spirit, her essence. She wanted to escape, but felt herself being pulled to another place, a far away place. Then the light shot through what was left of her and she was gone.
The cat that had been crawling around in the dumpster by the woman's apartment was now walking down the street towards the vacant taxi. It took a moment in passing to take in the view. There was a taxi, passengerless, driverless, crashed into a telephone pole. The windows were shattered, but there was no evidence of what had done the damage. Darkness now seeped into ever corner of the taxi. The cat thought about maybe using it as a home, but felt that it now had an empty evil presence and continued on its way on that rainy night.
"Buffy. Buffy. Buffy!" an older woman with her hair pulled tightly back walked up to a sleeping girl in a classroom. Every eye in the classroom was on this sleeping individual, and she seemed to not have a care in the world about it. Her long brown hair was spread all across the desk and her face was buried in her blue sweater clad arms. She was wearing a schoolgirl skirt and knee high socks. The older woman, presumed to be the teacher, walked up to the girl and slapped a ruler across her desk. The girl shot up instantly mumbling something about George Washington and the year 1587.
"Buffy, this is not History, and its definitely not Sleeping 101. I asked you to recite a poem by Maya Angelou, but as I can see that you're more interested in watching the inside of your eyelids, so by all means continue. Continue right on into detention after school today."
"Ms. Allans, you can't give me detention!" Buffy shouted back.
"Oh? Is that so? And may I ask why, Miss—"the teacher was cut off by the chiming of the bell.
"Because that was the bell and you didn't have time to write me a referral slip, so technically, I'm out of school for the day and I'm no longer your concern. Oh shucks! I guess you're just going to have to save that red ink for grading my essay. Ok, well I've got to go! The parking lot is just a mess if you leave late." And with that, Buffy grabbed up her bag and ran out of the room. She walked down a busy crowded hallway, lockers slammed as kids mindlessly spread rumors. It was easy for Buffy to blend into the crowd, just another face, just another student, just another girl. She clutched her bag tightly and walked into the light of a bright summer day in New Jersey.
She headed towards the flagpole where she saw her redheaded friend waiting for her. Abruptly, she felt her arm pulled to the left.
"Ms. Allans! We already covered this! That was the bell, school is over for the day, so..." she looked up to see one of the most terrifying people she would ever meet in her life. "Oh," she attempted to chuckle, "Cordelia Chase. Its very nice to be within your presence today and if my body took Visa, you could have my arm, but sorry we only accept cash, so I guess you're going to have to give me my arm back."
The perfect blonde, with daddy's wallet and Brittany Spear's taste in clothes glared back at her. "How could you do this to me!?" she shouted back in a clear valley girl tone. It was almost as if she had walked right out of the Mattel Barbie Doll Factory and that was just one of the phrases an eager child would get when you pulled her string. "Do what?" Buffy asked back very confused.
"Hello! First of all, you're making me talk to you! And second of all, how could you wear that knock off! I mean, you wear the same thing as me and you make everyone else assume that we got it from the same place when obviously mine comes direct from the designer while yours comes from the sales rack at K-mart! Do you know that I will never be able to wear this in public again!?"
Buffy stared up Cordelia and snorted. She couldn't help laughing; it was just so incredibly ridiculous. Somehow she managed to get out an apology intermittently between the laughs. Cordelia raised a hand to Buffy's face and left to go meet up with her Abercrombie model boyfriend who was more into his reflection that he would ever be into Cordelia. Buffy turned on her heel and walked over to her impatient flagpole friend.
"Sorry Willow, Cordelia was having a fashion emergency. When there is a surgery for brain implants, remind me to sign her up for one." Willow just laughed. They set off through the busy parking lot in search of Buffy's black Volkswagen beetle.
"So, Starbucks or home?" Willow asked as she dodged a red Volvo.
"Let's see, super caffeine high with the downfall of a shortness factor of an Oompa Loompa, being that our entire stock market club started drinking coffee when they were about ten and now they practically need booster seats whenever they go out for pizza, proving that coffee does stunt your growth, or peanut butter and jelly with cartoons...hmm...I'm seriously leaning in the direction of the Wonder bread, although I hear that Oompa Loompas are going to be in style by sometime next year." Buffy stated with a sarcastic bit of confidence.
"I don't think that green hair would suit you." Willow remarked as she walked up to the passenger side of Buffy's car. She hopped in and threw her bag in the back as Buffy put the key in the ignition. Willow knew not to talk while Buffy was backing up. Buffy didn't need any distractions to make her mess up anymore than she already would. Willow tightened her seatbelt and prepared herself for the worst. Buffy spun the volume knob to turn the music up to such a level of loudness that you could no longer actually understand the words, only feel your seat as it vibrated to the basic rhythm of the song. Buffy put the car in reverse and stepped on the pedal, flooring it to the ground, while swiftly spinning the wheel and then sticking her hands up in the air to dance along to a noise that she called "music." Willow closed her eyes and braced for impact as Buffy's bumper tapped the principal's pick-up truck.
"Did we hit?" Buffy asked with some concern in her voice.
"Just barely." Willow said as she pulled out her planner and made another hash mark on the inside cover. "That makes thirty-four since you got your license a year ago."
"Alright! Ten points for me! Ding Ding! Yes, I would like to thank the academy and all of the little people I stepped on, or rather ran over, to get here." Buffy said chuckling. They sped out of the parking lot and onto Perfect Promenade. Willow looked at the sign and chuckled. Three years of going to this school and driving past that sign and it still made her giggle.
"What's so funny?" Buffy asked.
"That sign: Perfect Promenade."
"Yeah, what about it?" Buffy questioned still completely confused.
"Well, have you ever noticed how every single street in this pathetic little town has a happy name? Blissful Boulevard, Laughter Lane, Delightful Dead End! I mean they might as well call this town Over the Rainbow, New Jersey rather than Sunnydale." Willow blurted.
"I know what you mean. But it's not that bad. I mean its kind of nice to live in a perfect little town. I mean wouldn't it be kind of creepy if the streets were called Broken Down Boulevard, Lousy Lane, Deader than Dead Dead End?" Buffy asked showing some true patriotism for the quaint town.
"You've got a point, although, Deader than Dead Dead End sounds kind of fun. Maybe we should petition for our only dead end to be changed to that!" Willow said with some excitement.
"Yeah, you go right ahead and do that. Say, did you realize that Lunch Lady Dorris was missing today?" Buffy asked suspiciously as she made a sharp U-turn causing the car to drive on two wheels and making Willow leave a cheek imprint against her window.
"Oh really? I didn't really pay attention at lunch. The science lab just got in the pigs for dissection and I was too distracted envisioning just me, the little oinker, and a scalpel!" Willow dreamily commented with a smile, showing her true nerdy side.
Buffy made a disgusted face. "Eww, at lunch! No wonder you're so skinny!"
"No, it was fun. In my daydream, I was in this new reality show, called "The Swine." It was a spin-off on "The Swan" and we did plastic surgery on the pig! We made her into a beautiful Princess Piggy! But not like the Muppet or anything."
"Wow Han, that's some imagination you have." Buffy muttered not really knowing how to respond to something like that.
"Anyways, what's wrong with Lunch Lady Dorris being absent?" Willow asked to keep a steady flow of conversation.
"Well, you know how Lunch Lady Dorris thinks I look like the daughter she never had because she's a bitter old spinster?"
Willow grinned, "Yeah. I remind her of Raggedy Anne Doll that she never got."
"Well anyways, because of that, she always gives me extra of that mystery ooey gooey boogery junk that's in the coleslaw bucket, and because she wasn't there, I was given just the normal amount." Buffy said with a little bit of a pout.
"Oh, how awful! At least you don't touch your coleslaw even when she does give it to you."
"That's not the point!" Buffy shouted back as she quickly floored the brake, stopping for the pigeon in the middle of the road. She then turned to Willow and Willow just glared back at her.
"Alright! Alright! I'll do pigeon duty today, but you've got it next!" Willow said as she opened up her door and stepped out.
Buffy leaned over and shouted, "Thanks Wills! You're the best!" and then continued to look out the windshield at her friend walking up to the pigeon. Willow walked up to the bird sitting in the middle of the road, not intent on moving. She stared at the bird and then looked back at Buffy sitting in the car.
"Fine you stubborn pigeon. You asked for it. It's time for my secret pigeon weapon." There was a moment of silence and then Willow squatted down next to the pigeon and screamed, "MEOW!" Instantly the bird flew away and Willow hopped up and smiled and did a quick head tilt at Buffy and got back into the car.
As Willow fastened her seat belt, Buffy broke out into laughter.
"What? It was being evil!" Willow retorted.
"I'm sure." Buffy said as she but her foot back on the gas pedal again. "Okay, so back to Dorris."
"Oh, right. Umm, I don't know what to say Buffy. She probably just croaked." Willow said monotone.
Buffy squeaked. "WHAT!? But I love Lunch Lady Dorris! She's like my role model! And how could she die!? I mean that lady is ancient, but after that many years of eating her own food, she's gotta be like Cat Woman or something!"
"Don't you mean Wonder Woman?" Willow asked.
"No. Cat Woman had the better costume."
"Good point. Well, I'm sure she'll be back soon. If not, you could always ask the Lunch Lady Substitute, but I wouldn't recommend it. I have a feeling that he's a convict on parole. Don't worry about it. But back to the super heroes, do you really think that Cat Woman's costume is better than Wonder Woman's? I mean Wonder Woman had those nice red boots..."