Hawaiian Havoc!

To Sparky Genocide: Yeah, Rogue is helping out. I'm glad you agreed with me about Scott, Jean, and Lila. Yeah, I thought I'd stick Duncan with Bubba again for a good laugh. Well, I'm sure Jamie will do some kind of mischief, but I am not sure what.

To the crow that caws half pass bubba brouhaha: I see you changed your name again. I did see that performance in Goldmember but I forgot the words. Zanya marrying Scotty for Scotty? That's scary. I mean, Night of the Living Dead scary! Texas Chainsaw Massacre scary even! But I do hope to see Jean beat Scott against the walls with her telekinetic powers.

To Red Witch: Yeah, Drunken adults in jail are funny! I'm glad you liked the Barney Torture and yes, I am a proud Barney-hater. Maybe I will give CallistoLexx's site a try. Oh yeah, I want you to make the Beast Scottish in your new story again! It's just inconvenient for me to go to one site to read one story when all the others along that continuity are in another. I find that very annoying. If I was in this situation, I'd consider quitting writing fanfiction to be honest.

To soulstress: Yeah, you'd be amazed what a girl would do to get themselves a date with a famous person. Scott pantsing Logan, huh? Well, I'll see what I can do. Oh yeah, I read the new chapter of 'Tempest' and I liked it! I can hardly wait for you to put out more chapters!

It's Profile Time Again! (Crowd hoots, hollers, cheers, chants, screams, and claps. Some hold up signs) This time, we continue our Cobra theme by taking a look at a Cobra who does a dirty job and loves to do his own dirty work: Cesspool!

Cesspool

Real Name: Vincent A. D'Alleva

Cobra Function: Chief Environmental Operative

Bio: Cesspool was one a ruthless and cheap CEO of a huge multinational corporation who was ignoring government regulations concerning issues of health, safety, and the environment. In an attempt to cut costs, Cesspool and his executives tricked employees into converting their life insurance to health coverage, and then assigning them to highly dangerous and toxic workplaces. Cesspool fled to his factories in an attempt to quickly dispose of toxic waste there when a swarm of government agents came to inspect the place and serve lawsuits placed by employees. Cesspool was scarred when he accidentally sprayed himself with chemicals in an attempt to shut off a faulty valve. The chemicals seeped into his brain and warped his mind.

He began renting his services out to companies where he bought their toxic waste and re-sold it secretly to others as a weapon. He was hired by Cobra on a temporary basis, but seeing the potential for toxic sludge-based weaponry, kept him on.

Cesspool's weapon of choice is a sludge gun that fires a liquid he calls 'plasmatox'. Plasmatox is concentrated toxic chemicals that can dissolve anything from a tank's armor to human skin! He leads his own group of waste-handling Cobra troopers known as Sludge Vipers. His weapons make him one of the most dangerous people at Cobra's disposal.

Chapter 18: Scott is in Big Trouble!

In town

"Rogue, did you find the boys and Spyder?" Jean Grey asked.

"Yeah." Rogue replied with a shrug. "They were out checking out the sights."

"Figures. That Foxfire will do practically anything to get out of doing work."

"They have some nice footage on tape of their exploits." Rogue grinned.

"What?" Jean blinked.

"Check it out." Rogue held Fox's camera out to Jean. The red-haired telepath looked at the footage. It was off Scott and Zanya singing 'I Got You Babe' while dressed up as Sonny and Cher. Jean's eyes widened and she saw red.

"SCOTT!!!! YOU PHILANDERING JERK!!!" Jean screamed.

"That's not all." Rogue grinned. She adjusted the scene. "Check out his impression of Shipwreck." Jean saw Scott performing "YMCA" dressed as a sailor alongside some other Village People enthusiasts. Jean really saw red.

"Where…is…he?" Jean snarled.

"Well, he's around. He's trying to protect himself by acting like he has a weird form of amnesia that makes him assume various identities when he hits his head." Rogue added.

"That would explain a few things." Jean growled. "What does Fox, Lance, and Spyder have to do with it?"

"They were trying to catch him before he did something stupid. Unfortunately, despite their talents, they were unable to stop him." Rogue sighed. "It's a shame. You two looked so happy together."

"Where was he last?"

"Somewhere on the beach." Rogue replied. Jean stormed off, her every move screaming 'Scott Summers is a dead man'. Rogue walked back to behind a building with a smirk, which was concealing a snickering Fox, Lance and Spyder. "Ah did what you three asked." She grabbed Lance and shook him. "Now you had better deliver on your end of the bargain! Ah! Want! Mah! Starchild! YOU GOT ME?!" Rogue threatened.

"I'll talk! I'll talk to him! Just stop shaking me before my head falls off my neck, Rogue!" Lance exclaimed. She dropped him, making him land on his butt. "Ow!"

"You had better." Rogue warned.

"Hey guys, what's going on?" Jake asked.

"Nothing." Fox grinned. "Just Jean is going to kill Scott. She thinks he cheated on her." Jake's face assumed an I'm-not-getting-the-whole-story look.

"Yeah, right." Jake said in an amused manner. "Why do I get the feeling that you guys caused this in some way?"

"Don't ask me, Wildfire." Rogue said. "Ah'm only in it for the date with Paul."

"I had a feeling you would be in it for that reason, Rogue." Jake chuckled.

"Oh yeah, that reminds me!" Fox exclaimed. "We have to film Jean turning Scott into human jelly! C'mon!" Fox, Lance, Spyder, and Rogue ran off, leaving a confused Jake.

"Hey wait! Can someone tell me what the heck is going on oh forget it!" Jake groaned, flying off after the four mutants. Somebody's gotta make sure those four don't bite off more than any of them can chew.

At the beach

"Nice work, Road Pig! My fault? Yeah, it's your fault! Why does it always have to be my fault! You were the one that wasn't watching Zanya! How was I to know that she would get hopped up like that?!" Road Pig argued with himself loudly as Mr. Redford, Althea and Todd tied him up on a tree.

"Man, this guy has problems." The vehicle design company owner groaned. "It's like two people live in one body."

"You're telling me." Todd agreed. "That's Road Pig for you, yo."

"Yeah, now all we have to do is find that little wench Zanya and that is that." Althea smirked.

In a dumpster

"Ohhhh…" Scott moaned as he walked out of the dumpster. Now he was dressed as a clown. "Uh hyuk, man that was some weird pie huh?" He noticed Jean standing right in front of him. She had a scowl on her face, and she was holding an aluminum baseball bat with barbed wire wrapped around it. "Hello little girl. Would you like a balloon animal?"

"Oh this'll be good." Fox snickered as he, Spyder, Rogue, and lance watched from behind a hedge. "Hey Lance, care to film this?"

"My pleasure." Lance took the camera. "This will be good."

Well, looks like things are beginning to come to a simmer! What insanity will happen next? Will Scott survive Hurricane Jean? Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly!