Disclaimer: I DON"T OWN LOTR!!!!!!!
A/N: Sorry for not updating for a while! I had internet problems (again) so I couldn't update until now. So go on and enjoy!
Chapter Eleven: Aragorn said F---!
The good news, they all made their aboard the next flight to London, England. The bad news, they had to sit with the baggage.
"OW! This is the most uncomfortable situation ever!" Legolas shifted his weight, but the suitcases still jabbed his back.
"It's okay Leggy-boy, I found some pillows!" Jen H. said. She put the pillows under his head and started brushing his hair. "And I found this brush!"
"Take that back," Legolas cringed every time the brush touched his hair, "THIS is the most uncomfortable situation ever..."
"Are we there yet?" Pippin asked. Again. For fifty-millionth time. "Are we there now?"
"NO, GOD DAMMIT!" Gandalf yelled, "I swear on all things swearable, if you don't shut up I'll-"
"We're here!" Hanna announced, "Wow, that didn't take long."
"Oh well, let's go!" They all got inside the biggest suitcases they could find, and waited to be unloaded. It took about ten minutes for each of their suitcases to be unloaded from the plane. They were taken to baggage claim soon after, and there, they got out of they're suitcases, causing some surprise in the airport.
"Where do we go now?" Merry asked.
"I don't know, but we find out somehow." Katherine said.
"How do you know?" Boromir asked, "None of us even knows where he lives."
"Well, if we didn't get to Orlando's, there wouldn't be much of a story."
"This wasn't much of a story in the first place." No one decided to argue after that, so for once, there was silence. (Okay I lied. But if you don't count the cars, people yelling nasty things, and other city noises, then yes, there was silence.) There were A LOT of homeless people in London. They were either lying in benches or begging for money on the street, or harassing people. Aragorn tried to ignore the bums, and Merry, Pippin and Katherine's rendition of 'Do you Know the Muffin Man?', but he had had the last straw. Or the last spoon, if you like.
"NO, I DON'T KNOW THE MUFFIN MAN, AND NO, I WILL NOT GIVE YOU A DOLLAR AS I DON'T KNOW WHAT A DOLLAR IS! LEAVE ME THE F--- ALONE!" There was absolute silence. (Nothing made any noise. Not the cars or the people. SO this time, I'm telling the truth!)
"Aragorn said f---!" Amanda said, "OMIGOSH! He made me say f---! OMIGOSH! He made me say f twice! OMIGOSH! He made me say f--- three times! OMIGOSH! HE made-"
"Amanda," Jenny said, "Shut up."
"Angergorn..."
Here we go again....
Well, you guys probably know what happens in this...uh...situation, so I won't explain what happened cause it would be pointless and take up too much of my typing time.
After Aragorn stopped his spazzing, they continued on down the road. Oh, and everything was noisy again. And 'Do You Know the Muffin Man was sung again, too. Eventually, they stopped for ice cream, which was a bad idea...
"Hey man," A black homeless dude who was missing A LOT of teeth said, "I'm a-going to go ta Iraq and take it over all by maself cuz I don't need no one." Frodo sniggered, and the black dude gave him an odd look, "I could kill you with one hand tied behind ma back."
"Oh yeah?" Frodo challenged, "I'd like to see you try!"
"You fine but I don't mess around wit no white chicks."
"I AM NOT A GIRL!" Frodo shouted, "Legolas looks more like a girl than me!" Frodo backed off after Legolas and the S.O.L.F members shot him dirty looks.
"Don't mess wit me, man," said Mr. I'm-A-bitter-hobo-who-is-in-dire- need-of-dental-work, "I'll kill right here and now! I was in the Vietnam war!"
"Oh yeah? Well my purse was made in Vietnam and it's about to...well, I can't think of a good line at the moment!"
"You never have any good lines." Candi Cooper and Michelle Sayles beat the crap out of the hobo with their Vietnamese purses, and left him there to twitch.
"Holy crap!" said Strong Bad, "You just beat the crap out of that guy!"
"How did you guys get to London?" Jenny Penny asked.
"It's a long story...and I don't exactly know." Michelle answered.
"Okay then, you guys can come with us!" said Diana, "We're going to steal Orlando Bloom's boxers."
"Cool." So, off they went with two more friends. Not that they needed anymore people cause they already had...well, I can't count them all at the moment as I am writing this very early in the morning. I am not awake at 11:00. But there are a lot of people though.
It took a while, but they found it. They FOUND it. THEY found IT. Orlando (Insert Middle Name(s) Here) Bloom's house. His humble abode. His hacienda. Okay I'll stop now.
"Omigosh! We found it!"
"Orlando Bloom's house."
"His humble abode."
"His-"
"OKAY!" Legolas shouted, "WE GET THE PICTURE!"
"So...who's going to open the door?" Hayley asked.
"ME!" The SOLF members ran for the door. They fought over who would open the door first.
"Stop! STOP!" Gandalf shouted above the bickering, "Why don't you take turns opening the door?"
"Okay."
"That's sounds good." Hanna opened the door first, then Katherine, then Diana, then Jen. H., then Jenna. After the swoon-fest was over, everyone else entered the house.
"Umm, where's his room?"
"Well, let's try upstairs. But we have to hurry." Diana said, "He could be home at any time. Okay, All Hobbits, Gandalf and Amanda and Jenny Penny, keep watch."
"Good, I didn't want to touch his boxers anyways."
"And Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli, Adrienne, Hayley...okay! And Jack will search down here." Hayley swooned and clinged to Jack's leg, again.
"And the rest of us," Legolas, the S.O.L.F members, Candi, and Michelle, "will go upstairs."
"What about us?" Strong Bad asked.
"Oh, uh...you guys can provide the music!"
"What?"
"You know, spy music."
"Oh, like doodedoodedededoodedoo?"
"Yeah." They all either searched, watched, or provided music. They had no luck, and in the process of the search, they seriously trashed the house.
"We're having no luck and we seriously trashed the house!" said Candi.
"OHMIGOSH! I THINK I FOUND IT!" All the S.O.L.F Members screeched and ran upstairs. "Ohmigosh Ohmigosh Ohmigosh Ohmigosh Ohmigosh Ohmigosh!" Jen H. was laughing hysterically, Katherine was hyperventilating, Hanna was freaking out and wouldn't stop saying 'Ohmigosh!' Jenna fainted and Diana was crying.
"This is it..." Hanna said, "On the count of three, we're opening the drawer.."
"One..."
"Two..."
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?!"
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Who was the black hobo man? How did Candi and Michelle get to London? Well, I can answer the first question: I went to Washington D.C. With Michelle Sayles and Candi Cooper, and we got harassed by a homeless black dude. So that's where he came from. Good times...
A/N: Sorry for not updating for a while! I had internet problems (again) so I couldn't update until now. So go on and enjoy!
Chapter Eleven: Aragorn said F---!
The good news, they all made their aboard the next flight to London, England. The bad news, they had to sit with the baggage.
"OW! This is the most uncomfortable situation ever!" Legolas shifted his weight, but the suitcases still jabbed his back.
"It's okay Leggy-boy, I found some pillows!" Jen H. said. She put the pillows under his head and started brushing his hair. "And I found this brush!"
"Take that back," Legolas cringed every time the brush touched his hair, "THIS is the most uncomfortable situation ever..."
"Are we there yet?" Pippin asked. Again. For fifty-millionth time. "Are we there now?"
"NO, GOD DAMMIT!" Gandalf yelled, "I swear on all things swearable, if you don't shut up I'll-"
"We're here!" Hanna announced, "Wow, that didn't take long."
"Oh well, let's go!" They all got inside the biggest suitcases they could find, and waited to be unloaded. It took about ten minutes for each of their suitcases to be unloaded from the plane. They were taken to baggage claim soon after, and there, they got out of they're suitcases, causing some surprise in the airport.
"Where do we go now?" Merry asked.
"I don't know, but we find out somehow." Katherine said.
"How do you know?" Boromir asked, "None of us even knows where he lives."
"Well, if we didn't get to Orlando's, there wouldn't be much of a story."
"This wasn't much of a story in the first place." No one decided to argue after that, so for once, there was silence. (Okay I lied. But if you don't count the cars, people yelling nasty things, and other city noises, then yes, there was silence.) There were A LOT of homeless people in London. They were either lying in benches or begging for money on the street, or harassing people. Aragorn tried to ignore the bums, and Merry, Pippin and Katherine's rendition of 'Do you Know the Muffin Man?', but he had had the last straw. Or the last spoon, if you like.
"NO, I DON'T KNOW THE MUFFIN MAN, AND NO, I WILL NOT GIVE YOU A DOLLAR AS I DON'T KNOW WHAT A DOLLAR IS! LEAVE ME THE F--- ALONE!" There was absolute silence. (Nothing made any noise. Not the cars or the people. SO this time, I'm telling the truth!)
"Aragorn said f---!" Amanda said, "OMIGOSH! He made me say f---! OMIGOSH! He made me say f twice! OMIGOSH! He made me say f--- three times! OMIGOSH! HE made-"
"Amanda," Jenny said, "Shut up."
"Angergorn..."
Here we go again....
Well, you guys probably know what happens in this...uh...situation, so I won't explain what happened cause it would be pointless and take up too much of my typing time.
After Aragorn stopped his spazzing, they continued on down the road. Oh, and everything was noisy again. And 'Do You Know the Muffin Man was sung again, too. Eventually, they stopped for ice cream, which was a bad idea...
"Hey man," A black homeless dude who was missing A LOT of teeth said, "I'm a-going to go ta Iraq and take it over all by maself cuz I don't need no one." Frodo sniggered, and the black dude gave him an odd look, "I could kill you with one hand tied behind ma back."
"Oh yeah?" Frodo challenged, "I'd like to see you try!"
"You fine but I don't mess around wit no white chicks."
"I AM NOT A GIRL!" Frodo shouted, "Legolas looks more like a girl than me!" Frodo backed off after Legolas and the S.O.L.F members shot him dirty looks.
"Don't mess wit me, man," said Mr. I'm-A-bitter-hobo-who-is-in-dire- need-of-dental-work, "I'll kill right here and now! I was in the Vietnam war!"
"Oh yeah? Well my purse was made in Vietnam and it's about to...well, I can't think of a good line at the moment!"
"You never have any good lines." Candi Cooper and Michelle Sayles beat the crap out of the hobo with their Vietnamese purses, and left him there to twitch.
"Holy crap!" said Strong Bad, "You just beat the crap out of that guy!"
"How did you guys get to London?" Jenny Penny asked.
"It's a long story...and I don't exactly know." Michelle answered.
"Okay then, you guys can come with us!" said Diana, "We're going to steal Orlando Bloom's boxers."
"Cool." So, off they went with two more friends. Not that they needed anymore people cause they already had...well, I can't count them all at the moment as I am writing this very early in the morning. I am not awake at 11:00. But there are a lot of people though.
It took a while, but they found it. They FOUND it. THEY found IT. Orlando (Insert Middle Name(s) Here) Bloom's house. His humble abode. His hacienda. Okay I'll stop now.
"Omigosh! We found it!"
"Orlando Bloom's house."
"His humble abode."
"His-"
"OKAY!" Legolas shouted, "WE GET THE PICTURE!"
"So...who's going to open the door?" Hayley asked.
"ME!" The SOLF members ran for the door. They fought over who would open the door first.
"Stop! STOP!" Gandalf shouted above the bickering, "Why don't you take turns opening the door?"
"Okay."
"That's sounds good." Hanna opened the door first, then Katherine, then Diana, then Jen. H., then Jenna. After the swoon-fest was over, everyone else entered the house.
"Umm, where's his room?"
"Well, let's try upstairs. But we have to hurry." Diana said, "He could be home at any time. Okay, All Hobbits, Gandalf and Amanda and Jenny Penny, keep watch."
"Good, I didn't want to touch his boxers anyways."
"And Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli, Adrienne, Hayley...okay! And Jack will search down here." Hayley swooned and clinged to Jack's leg, again.
"And the rest of us," Legolas, the S.O.L.F members, Candi, and Michelle, "will go upstairs."
"What about us?" Strong Bad asked.
"Oh, uh...you guys can provide the music!"
"What?"
"You know, spy music."
"Oh, like doodedoodedededoodedoo?"
"Yeah." They all either searched, watched, or provided music. They had no luck, and in the process of the search, they seriously trashed the house.
"We're having no luck and we seriously trashed the house!" said Candi.
"OHMIGOSH! I THINK I FOUND IT!" All the S.O.L.F Members screeched and ran upstairs. "Ohmigosh Ohmigosh Ohmigosh Ohmigosh Ohmigosh Ohmigosh!" Jen H. was laughing hysterically, Katherine was hyperventilating, Hanna was freaking out and wouldn't stop saying 'Ohmigosh!' Jenna fainted and Diana was crying.
"This is it..." Hanna said, "On the count of three, we're opening the drawer.."
"One..."
"Two..."
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?!"
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Who was the black hobo man? How did Candi and Michelle get to London? Well, I can answer the first question: I went to Washington D.C. With Michelle Sayles and Candi Cooper, and we got harassed by a homeless black dude. So that's where he came from. Good times...