"John, stop sleeping!" a sharp voice ordered and John reluctantly opened one eye to see Crystal standing next to the bed, brandishing a whip, "It's too nice of an afternoon to waste it on sleeping." Crystal added in a softer voice, her grip on the object in her hand loosening slightly. John shook his head in disgust and turned away from her. As sad as it was, he was getting used to opening his eyes to see this woman looming over him with a whip or some kind in hand. Most of the fight had left him after the first two days he had been here and he hardly ever yelled at Crystal and Jan anymore, considering it hadn't done him any good. In fact, all it had served to do was give him a sore throat so John didn't even bother now.
"What do you want?" John asked, his voice low and hoarse.
"You know what I want," Crystal leaned over, her hands pressing into the bed, "I want you, John Black. Every sexy inch of you. I want to tickle your trigger."
John's eyes widened at her bluntness and his eyebrow shot halfway up his forehead, "Well, that's just too bad isn't it, young lady? You stay away from my trigger or I'll... shoot you with it." he finished, then cringed immediately. Why, oh why would you say something like that? You're just giving him more to work with.
Crystal began to cackle at those words, turning them very dirty as John had known she would do, "Oh, well that's okay. I've been shot at before and it's actually quite enjoyable. I just hope you're not making a promise you don't plan on keeping."
John gave Crystal the evil eyes, his blue eyes sparking with furry, "You won't get away with this. You're going to jail for this. I'll see to it, so help me God."
Crystal's hand tightened more around the whip, "John, you don't have to act all like you want to leave. You know you love it here. You want me so badly you can taste it. I felt that ever since the first time we kissed. You don't want me going to jail, you want me going straight down your pants and you know it!"
"Um... you're as insane as that... other one." John spat out in a sour voice, "You both need to go away to a mental institution. You're crazy fools-"
"I'm not crazy." Crystal replied through clenched teeth, "I'm just horny. Crazy is Jan's department."
"Actually, I'm both but let's not bother with being technical." Jan took one step inside the room and looked right at Crystal, keeping her eyes averted from John's hairy shirtlessness.
"Hey, Jan, what's up?" Crystal asked, her attention momentarily taken off John. Jan smiled and stepped a little ways into the room.
"I wanted to thank you for catching Patrick and Rex." Jan looked a little sheepish, "I know I've been leaving you to do all the work with Rex and Patrick but next time, I'll do the capturing. Anyways, Rex is fabulous and Patrick's great too. Do you know what Patrick said to me earlier. He said, 'Please let me go, ma'am.'. He actually called me ma'am! And he was being nice to me. Isn't that funny?"
"No, it's not funny. None of this is funny. And you definitely won't be laughing when you're wasting away in a cold, damp jail cell, waiting to have the death penalty given to you." John spoke up.
"I wasn't asking for your opinion, you stupid old man," Jan admonished him, then turned to Crystal, "He does realize that I'm not going to be wasting any of my time on him, doesn't he? I mean, he could be my father. And he gave birth to Belle so that automatically makes him a retard."
"All right, you've said plenty." Crystal began to run the end of her whip up and down John's arm, "No more saying bad things about my sexy man. Anyways, I think we should kidnap the police commander next." Crystal added, winking at Jan.
"Bo? You can't kidnap Bo. Don't even think about it." John growled while Jan wrinkled her nose in disgust.
"Shawn's dad? We've already got one too many old men in here. Don't you think we should quit with the old guys yet?" Jan asked.
Crystal scowled at Jan, "I just captured Rex and Patrick almost completely by myself. It's your turn to capture someone for me. We're in this together, meaning that we have to work together. Do your part!"
Jan finally nodded her head in defeat, "Fine, I'll take care of it. But first I'm going to go see what the other guys are up to. Shawn already said he wouldn't have sex with me this morning and so did Patrick. And Rex is still unconscious, so I'll think I'll go see Lucas now." Without waiting for Crystal's reply, Jan turned and left the room. She paused briefly at the door to Rex's room to admire the man Crystal had drugged and brought back to their country home earlier that morning. They had already pulled off his shirt and every hard, defined muscle was visible from her position by the door. Jan smiled to herself, All the guys here other than John are great and Patrick and Rex are definitely keepers too. I can't wait until Rex wakes up. I just know he's going to be the one. He'll have sex with me. Then again, I also had high hopes for Shawn, Lucas, Phillip, Brady and Patrick and look how that turned out.
She then turned away from Rex's room and continued on down the hallway until she reached Lucas' room. Once Lucas noticed that she had entered the room, he looked almost happy to see her. I'm growing on him, Jan thought gleefully, It won't be long before he's putty at my feet.
Lucas actually was glad to see Jan. Being locked up in a cage all day was incredibly boring and it was hard to find ways to amuse himself. But that changed now that Jan was here. He decided that he would start messing with her head a little bit and see if she went for the bait. It wasn't like he had anything better to do.
"So, are you going to have sex with me today?" Jan chirped, asking the now very predictable question that Lucas expected her to ask every time she came into the room.
Lucas used the most patient voice he could with the young woman, "No, I will not have sex you, Jan. How many times am I going to tell you that before it sinks in that it's never going to happen?"
Jan's lower lip was protruding sulkily, "I don't see why not. Shouldn't you guys at least give me a reason for why you won't make love to me? Am I really that horrible looking and undesirable?"
"Oh, it's not that. It's just..." Lucas stopped himself before speaking again, choosing his words carefully, "Did you ever stop to think about why you decided to kidnap all these poor, innocent people, Jan?"
"Because I wanted to and because they're sexy. Except for that one Crystal's with." Jan answered without hesitation. Suddenly, the loud cracking sound of the whip filled the air.
"I do not have STD's, you jackass!" Crystal yelled while John howled in pain, "I'll have you know that I have been clean for the last six months!"
"And when was the last time you were checked?" John asked in a pain filled voice.
"Six months ago." Crystal said, her tone lowering a notch, "John quit looking at me like that. I'm not diseased, I swear I'm not!" the whip slashed down a few more times, causing John to utter a few more high, feminine screams.
"Anyways, I don't think that's the reason you kidnapped all of us." Lucas continued after listening to a small excerpt of John and Crystal's conversation, "I think you kidnapped us all is because deep down you believe it's the only way you can get some. I think you are seriously lacking in, not only self-confidence, but in the experience you need to have self-confidence." On the surface, he kept a straight face but inside, he was laughing so hard he was in tears. God, this is going to be fun, he thought.
"Well... the only one I've ever had sex with is Shawn. And that was only one time, so I'm probably not the most experienced. How did you know?" Jan asked, peering at him questioningly.
"You can tell," Lucas answered, "See, that's why I can't sleep with you. Because I'm just worried that it will be a let-down for me. Because I'm very good, if you know what I mean."
Jan bit her lower lip and whimpered softly, "Don't say things like that. It's mean to tease."
"I'm not teasing. All I'm saying is, you need to practice some first. Get in touch with your body. Build up your self-esteem. Then I'll sleep with you." Hey, she has me locked in a cage for crying out loud, so it justifies some broken promises, Lucas told himself.
"Really? What do I do to build up my self-esteem?" Jan asked eagerly.
"Well... I think you should practice first." Lucas told her, "You need to embrace your sexuality and be comfortable with your body and sexual being-"
"What do you think you are- a sex therapist?" Phillip called from his room, "You sound like such an idiot!"
"Same to you!" Lucas snapped, then turned back to Jan, "Why don't you try just going into the shower and getting in touch with your body? First, do some rubbing and then try dancing dirty like Christina Aguilera. Because the shower is your private time and you can do whatever you want in there."
"Dude... I'm not even going to ask what you do in your shower." Brady spoke up.
"Is this the kind of thing you would say to Sami? If you did, then I don't blame her for cheating on you." Phillip added.
"Don't even go there." Lucas tried to excuse his brother's thoughtless comment because he knew that every guy locked in this country home was beginning to act quite moody and he also realized that their bad moods were completely warranted. So, he let it slide and went back to talking to Jan.
"And then after that, you should find a girl to practice with," Lucas told her, "Because you'll know your, um, way around better and it will definitely build up your confidence. After you do all that, I will have sex with you, I promise." I am such a liar, Lucas thought evilly, taking in Jan's shocked expression.
"But I don't want to do stuff with Crystal." Jan still looked doubtful, "Does this mean that you used to practice stuff with guys?"
"All the time." Lucas lied, "Seriously, I'm sure Crystal will go for it. Those porn star types get super creative. Why don't you go talk to her right now?"
"I don't get that creative." Crystal screamed, "Okay, I did once with Nicole but it never happened again for a reason. You stay away from me, you little freak!"
But Jan had already left Lucas' room and was making her way in Crystal's direction, "But, Crystal, I really want to have sex with Lucas. Come on, just a few times so I can become comfortable with my body and sexual being." Jan quoted Lucas' words.
"You sicken me!" Crystal yelled and Lucas heard footsteps thudding down the stairs, "Lucas, when I get back from running away from Jan, you are getting the nipple clamp treatment!" Crystal promised. A few minutes later, a door slammed and Lucas could hear Crystal and Jan screaming at each other through his window. The silence inside the country home stayed suspended for a few moments but finally Shawn spoke.
"And just yesterday she was telling me how she wouldn't sleep with women. She changes her mind very quickly."
"You're going to get the nipple clamp treatment." Patrick sounded horrified and sympathetic at the same time, "That's got to suck."
"I'm sure it does." John rasped, "I've already gotten the whip treatment. It was harsh."
"Hey, look on the bright side." Lucas tried not to wince at the thought of Crystal coming after him with torturing mechanisms like nipple clamps, "I got them away from us. Now they'll be so busy with each other, they'll leave us alone."
"And how is that a good thing?" came Phillip's barbed retort. Lucas was becoming incensed by his brother's cranky mood. Sure, he did have a right to be grumpy, they all did but couldn't he go two seconds without being rude?
"Because they'll stop bothering us." Lucas explained in a mock-patient voice, letting Phillip know that he thought it was a ridiculous question, "Isn't that what we want?"
"No!" Phillip replied harshly, "If they both decide that they're rug munchers and go after each other and not us, what do you think is going to happen? They won't let us go. And they won't let us stay around because they'll want to be together and they'll be sick of us. So, they'll kill us all."
"He does have a point." Patrick commented, "That is probably what will happen if your little plan works, Lucas."
"Good going." Phillip sounded completely exasperated, "Thanks to you, we won't be alive much longer. Jan and Crystal will fall in love and then they'll kill us by putting us through a meat grinder or something equally painful so no one will find our bodies. I hope you're happy now."
"Oh, shut up." Lucas shot back, annoyed by the fact that it was seemingly impossible to keep any of these guys satisfied. He was just as pissed about the situation as they were but unlike them, he was trying to make the most of the it. The only problem was, that was getting increasingly hard to do.