Jan walked into the Salem Police Station, dressed in her trademark old lady costume and used her cane to help her 'hobble' over to the information desk. Bo was nowhere in sight but the man sitting at the desk had already managed to get Jan's attention. With skin the colour of milk chocolate, even darker coloured eyes and black curly hair, he was a million times better than Bo any day. Screw Bo Brady, Jan thought to herself, relieved that her veil hid her evil smile, I think I'd rather have a piece of this guy.
She reached the front desk and cleared her throat loudly. The man tuned his head around to look at her and she raised her veil and smiled at him, revealing her old lady mask.
"Good afternoon, sir," she croaked, "How are you today?"
"Fine," the man watched her with an expectant look on his face, "Is there something I can help you with?"
"Not exactly," Jan answered slowly, "But I think there is a way I can help you. I think that, perhaps, I have some information on the whereabouts of the men that have went missing over the past week or two."
"Really?" the man clasped his fingers together in his lap and waited for her to continue, "Well, the police commander isn't available right now but you definitely have my attention.
Jan nodded and leaned down closer to the man so only he could hear her, "I saw some very strange things going on at this little house out in the country. I live nearby and I saw this man dragging these unconscious men into his house twice and both times, it was a different man and they looked terribly familiar, like I had seen their pictures on the news or something."
"Oh, this could be a great lead." the man stood up and extended his hand, "You can call me Tek, it's nice to meet you."
"My name is Mrs. R," Jan told him. Hey, Mrs. B. was getting old and it looks like I'll be bedding Lucas sooner than Shawn, so why not?
"Okay, Mrs. R, what do you say you direct me to this house in the country? I'll get my stuff together and we can drive over there together and check it out."
"Sounds fine to me," Jan answered, "I really do hope we catch those poor, poor men. Lord knows what's happening to them right now. Oh, and can you do me a favour, Tek?" Jan added. God, that is such a hot name. Almost as hot as Shaaaaawwwwnnnn or Luuuuuuuuccccassss. Teeeeeeeeeeekkkkkk. Yeah, I like that a lot.
"I'll try. What is it?"
"Could you not let anyone on the force know where we're going? I'm not sure if there's really anything funny going on over there and if there isn't, well, I'd be so embarrassed if I was wrong. I wouldn't want to look silly in front of the entire force." Jan explained.
Tek nodded, "I guess we'll keep it between us until we get some solid evidence that something is going on. I don't see the harm in that."
Oh, I just bet you don't, Jan thought to herself as the two of them left the police station.
Meanwhile, at the country home, Crystal had decided to use her private time with the men to her full advantage before Jan got back. She had already came up with the perfect plan to get back at Lucas for trying to talk Jan into seducing her and the plan was well on it's way to being completed. She pushed Shawn over to Lucas' room, still holding Jan's gun to his ribs. Shawn's face was incredibly pale and he looked like he was biting his lip to keep from whimpering. What a little baby, Crystal thought, I wonder what he would do if he found out this gun is only a tranquilizer gun.
"Ooh, Lucaaaaasssss," Crystal sang out, entering his room. He looked up at her warily and she only gave him a charming smile in return, "I've got a surprise for you and Shawn. I just know you'll love it."
"Since it's a surprise from you, I don't think I'll like it very much but go ahead, surprise me." Lucas propped himself up on his arms, eyeing her cooly. He didn't seem to have any clue as to what she had planning to do even though Crystal thought it should have been painfully obvious. Crystal practically had to drag Shawn into Lucas' cage and shoved Shawn down on the bed. Before either Shawn and Lucas could react enough to put up a big fight, Crystal snatched up the handcuffs she had hooked to her jeans and slapped one link onto Lucas' wrist and the other onto Shawn's wrist.
"Hey!" Lucas yelled angrily, "What the hell is this? Is this your surprise? If it is, it's not surprising, it's just plain stupid."
"I'm sorry you feel that way but I'm sure Shawn will give you lots of surprises very soon." at that, Crystal burst out laughing, "Did I mention that I just gave Shawn his 'medicine'?" she asked, using air quotes to emphasize the word medicine.
Lucas turned to look at the man chained to him, "What is she talking about?"
Shawn shrugged, "I honestly don't know. She made me take like, five pills and I don't even know what they were. Don't look at me like that, Lucas! She was a holding a gun to my head and demanded that I take them."
"I did, didn't I?." Crystal agreed, swirling her gun around in her hands, "Those were good little pills. Lucas, once they get right down into Shawn's blood stream, they are going to help me get back at you in a big way."
"What do you mean?" Shawn asked, his voice shrill.
"The pills I gave you... let's just say there chalk full of some hardcore aphrodisiacs," Crystal said, "You know, kind of like Viagra, only stronger. And those horny pills are fast acting too. It won't be more than about ten minutes before they start to kick in. And now that you're chained to Lucas, you'll have no choice but to use him for relief. That's why only one of your arms is chained. So one arm and both legs are free. Isn't this terrific? We'll see who has to get creative now."
"So, you gave this poor guy, who never did anything to you, pills to turn him into a crotch diving dog just to get back at me? I mean, sure, it's a great plan, it'll scar me for life but it will also scar Shawn for life. And he's completely innocent. That's unfair." Lucas reasoned, hoping Crystal would let Shawn go back to his room and put a stop to this insane plan.
"You're right," Crystal conceded, "I should have gotten Phillip in here to jump on you because aside from you, he's been the most annoying. But it's too late now."
"Ew!" two or three male voices piped up at the exact same time.
"I think I'm going to be sick." Phillip moaned.
"Me too," Rex added, "If my hands weren't handcuffed like this, I would be gouging out my eyes right now. Dear God, I don't want to think about my cousin and my brother doing that together let alone both of my brothers... okay, I've officially been blinded by baaaaadddd mental imagery.
Shawn squirmed a little against his chains, "I can control myself here, I swear! I promise, Lucas, I won't turn into a crotch diving dog."
"I don't know about that. You're already getting antsy." Lucas looked extremely disgusted and moved as far away from Shawn as their chains would allow, which definitely wasn't far enough.
"Come on, have a little faith in me. I can keep my hands and other body parts to myself. I've dated Belle for forever and she never puts out for me. I'm used to this." Shawn assured him.
"Then I'll just work my way through all the other guys if you don't do anything." Crystal told him, "And I think I will go with Phillip next."
"Screw him, Shawn, screw him!" Phillip yelled from his room in a panic stricken voice.
"No way!" Shawn yelled back then turn to Crystal, "Why don't you let me go spend some time with Phillip? I would certainly jump on top of him. In a very violent and completely unsexual way." he put in quickly, noticing the petrified look Lucas was giving him.
"You know what would be nice right now?" John jumped in, "A nice glass of water. With arsenic. I can't believe I have to listen to this crap."
"Yeah, it's pretty bad." Brady sighed, "If only Lucas and Shawn would get naked and wrestle. And if only I could watch."
"Gee, Brady, somehow that didn't make my top ten list of ways to improve life in this cage." John shot back, "And do I even want to know where that came from?"
"Brady's losing his mind." Phillip spoke up, "Just last night he was singing Veggie Tales songs. He's totally going crazy."
"I refuse to respond to your rude remarks." Brady shouted.
"But Brady-"
"No, no, no!" Brady cut him off in a haughty voice, "I'm not doing business with you anymore."
"What kind of business were you two doing?" Shawn wondered out loud.
"Don't talk to me like that!" Phillip bellowed, "You're the one that's going to be doing 'business' with Lucas and then I can tell Belle and she'll never want you back after finding out about that."
"You'll never have Belle!" Shawn retorted, "I'll tell her about that... invisible friend you're dating."
"Oh... I thought I was the only one who did that." Brady remarked.
"Brady, shut up. No one wants to hear you talk." Phillip told him.
"Holy crap..." Shawn muttered from his position on Lucas' bed, holding his free hand to his hand to his forehead and gritting his teeth.
"What's wrong, Shawnie?" Crystal asked innocently, watching Lucas' face to see his reaction.
"I just... damn, those pills are more powerful than I thought they would be," one of Shawn's feet bounced up and down furiously on the bed and he swallowed hard, "Lucas, do you think you could maybe-"
"No!"
"Come on, you didn't even let me finish. I just wanted to know if-"
"No! If you come any closer, I will hurt you." Lucas promised, his eyes dark and threatening.
Shawn made a tortured sound in the back of his throat, "Where the hell is Jan? Why isn't she here the one time she should be?"
"Jan won't be back for a while. I have complete control of you right now," Crystal stated, "I sent Jan off to catch Bo and she's such a ditz, it will be a while before she gets back."
"Really? Then why do I hear her voice coming from downstairs?" Phillip called into the room. Crystal stiffened and fell silent.
"Shall we look upstairs first?" Crystal could hear the sound of Jan using her old lady voice and swore softly under her breath.
"She is so going to kill me." Crystal muttered, hurrying over to Shawn's side. She undid his handcuffs that were attached to Lucas and quickly re-shackled his ankles and wrists together. She pulled him off the bed, glaring at Lucas, who looked relieved and amused at the same time.
"Come on, Shawn." Crystal helped him hop out into the hallway but before she could get him back into his room, old lady Jan and a very hot man appeared in front of them. His eyes went wide when he saw Shawn and he held up his gun.
"You are under arrest for the kidnapping of Shawn Brady and possibly others too." he began to tell Crystal her rights as he advanced on her. But Jan grabbed his gun from him and pointed it at his head.
"Get in there," Jan nodded to the empty bedroom next to John's, which had already been prepared for their next prisoner, "Come on, don't make me use this on you." Tek looked startled but did what she told him, protesting the entire time. Once they were out of sight, Shawn elbowed Crystal in the ribs and tried to run away from her. But the handcuffs around his ankles stopped him and he ended up tripping and landing flat on the floor. Crystal rubbed the spot where Shawn had elbowed her, then dragged him back into his bedroom, quickly locking him up before leaving to go check out the new man Jan had caught.