Murderous Shorts
By Dr FooFoo
Part Eight : Début
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Everybody knows your name
But they don't know who you are
But to live is just a game
And I think it's gone too far
- Just Another Name [Lifehouse]
==
Everytime I hear that song, it gets me thinking. I wonder if we've gone too far. Richard and I, I mean.
It started as a game, really. One night last year, Richard and I were at the library--I was supposed to be tutoring him but he wouldn't listen. He kept fiddling with the stack of books I had that I was going to check out. I still remember exactly how he said those words: "Who's Nietzsche?" I just explained the basics, but when he seemed interested, I guess I just lost it. Biology turned quickly into philosophy, and then into crime. Before either of us knew it, the library was closing in five minutes.
After that night, anything was fair game. We stole together, we lied together... Richard even bashed in a clothing store's front window once, for fun.
I guess I didn't really expect Richard to be any different, even after all we'd done, but still, I felt... hurt... betrayed, almost, when he insulted me in class. Mainly because it was so casual, but also because when he did it, he seemed to forget all that we'd done. Later, when I'd saved up enough bravery points to confront him about it, he said it was his "mask"; so people wouldn't suspect we were friends. I didn't question him then, but personally, I think it just made it more obvious that he's madly in love with me.
Okay, I don't really think that's true... I don't think Richard's capable of loving--actually loving someone. He's too unpredictable; too much of an arrogant teenager. He showed that when he was thumbing through a book about Leopold and Loeb and said, "I bet we could do that." I remember saying something like, "Believe me, Richard, you don't have the discipline to commit a murder and get away with it." to which he replied, "Oh yeah? Let's see..."
It started them; the planning, the talk, everything. I didn't really take it seriously at first, but when Richard bought a lot of rope and a big plastic tarp, I knew we were actually going to do it. We spent a lot of nights at the Bluff, high on marijuana and eachother. I made a hybrid picture by melding pictures of us together and Richard said ti was what our son would look like. I laughed then, but I think he was serious. We spent hours staring at that picture; worshipping it and telling ourselves that, once we'd comitted the murder, we would be like it -- we would be like one person.
But... now that I think back on it, the murder caused nothing but trouble for us. After it was done, all we did was fight. Richard became more possessive and often acted like his alcoholic mother; he sometimes even hit me. He doesn't hit me acymore... Not after the time I hit him back, outside the Bluff. I think that surprised him.
Anyway, that's how it started...
==
Everybody knows your name
But they don't know who you are
But to live is just a game
And I think it's gone too far
==
And there's that line again.
I wonder if people will remember my name.