Beta Reader: Dragonfly the Determined
Lyn: Yes,strawberries are the most perfect of all the fruits. (Although fresh peaches are a close second.)
Karri: Thank you!
SilentBanshee: Oooh, I like that: "just one more way that guys manage to piss off women"—and in this case literally!
Joee: I've slipped in a few lines that open the door to a one-shot in which Glorfindel babysits the twins. Yes, I do have to make sure that I clean up the inconsistency between the word nine and the number nine. It needs to be the word nine wherever it crops up.
Dragonfly: Poor Gandalf won't have much dignity left after I'm done with him. Between having his clothes shredding and having infants pee on him, he probably is giving some serious consideration to going over to the Dark Side.
Chapter 3: Wohc! Wohc!
Laiqua and Tathar sat outside in the sunshine.
"Ta Ta Ta," babbled Laiqua.
"Qua Qua Qua," burbled Tathar.
"Ta Ta Ta."
"Qua Qua Qua."
Listening to their childish prattle as she bent over the laundry tub, Edwen Nana smiled. How quickly they were growing. First they had been rolling over. Now they could sit up and creep about. Soon they would be pulling themselves to their feet, clinging to the bench to support their wobbly legs. And how they did carry on speaking! Both could say 'Nana', of course, and name any number of birds and animals, and now they had settled upon names for one another.
"NANA!"
Dropping the tunic that she held, Edwen Nana straightened herself and looked over towards the quilt.
"Laiqua, whatever are you doing?" she exclaimed. Laiqua had gotten a hold of a stick and was cheerfully whacking Tathar on the head with it.
"No, no," she scolded as she took away the stick. "Do not hit."
Laiqua pointed at Tathar.
"Wohc."
"I don't know what you mean by that," said Edwen Nana.
"Wohc! Wohc!" chanted Laiqua. "Grrrrr."
Tathar giggled.
"Wohc! Wohc!" he chimed in.
Edwen Nana shook her head, bewildered.
"You have learned another word, seemingly," she said, "but I do not know what it signifies." Then she let out a shriek as Tathar bit her ankle.
"Tathar!"
"Wohc! Wohc!" babbled Laiqua, scrabbling about in the dirt until he found another stick. Edwen Nana got it away from him before he could whack Tathar again.
"I do not like this game," she said sternly, "and you are both going inside. Be glad I am not a human, for I believe it is their custom to spank babes who would behave as you have done."
She tucked one giggling elfling under each arm and carried them into the cottage. Laiqua she put in his cot, and Tathar she placed on the floor of the cottage, handing him a spoon and a pot to bang together. As for Laiqua, he began to wail.
"Poon! Poon!"
"If I give you a spoon," said Edwen Nana, "will you promise not to use it to hit Tathar?"
"Ta Ta Ta!"
Edwen Nana lifted Laiqua from the cot and placed him on the floor beside Tathar. She handed him his own spoon, and together the two elflings cheerfully banged upon the pot. Edwen Nana turned her attention to preparing the evening meal.
"I need more water," she said to herself. She looked over at the two elflings. They seemed to have forgotten all about the 'Wohc' game. She picked up the bucket and left for the spring.
For several minutes, all that could be heard in the cottage was the banging of the spoons upon the pot.
"Grrrrrrr."
Laiqua stopped banging. He looked at Tathar.
"Wohc?"
Tathar placed his hand on his chest.
"Ta."
Again a growling sound could be heard. Tathar looked inquiringly at Laiqua. Laiqua put his own hand on his chest.
"Qua."
Another growl.
"Wohc," said Laiqua softly. Still clutching his spoon, he crawled toward Nana's bedstead. Tathar followed. Once there, the two sat looking up at it.
"Grrrrrrrr."
Immediately, Laiqua scooted under the bedstead. Tathar still sat looking up at it.
"Ta," Laiqua called urgently. "Ta!"
Tathar crept underneath the frame. The two elflings scooted as far back as they could, until they were pressed against the wall.
Edwen Nana had left the door ajar, and now hinges creaked as it was pushed open.
"Grrrrrrrr."
Something was moving about the room, snuffling. It came to the bedstead.
"Grrrrrrrrrrr."
The something was trying to push its snout under the frame. Tathar began to whimper. "Wohc," whispered Laiqua. Suddenly, with the spoon he poked the creature as hard as he could, hitting it right on its sensitive nose. The creature let out a howl. The snout vanished.
At the spring, Edwen Nana heard the howl. She cast her bucket aside and sprinted for the cottage. In the forest, guardian Elves seized their bows and also raced for the cottage. Edwen Nana burst in first. A warg was crouched on its belly by her bedstead. For a moment it bared its teeth at her, snarling, and then it disregarded her as of no moment, instead returning its attention to its intended prey. It tried to push a forelimb under the frame. Again Laiqua responded by wielding his spoon, and again the warg howled. Edwen Nana had not been idle herself, however. She seized the axe that she kept for chopping kindling, and as the warg in its fury tried again to claw the elflings out from under the bedstead, she brought the weapon down on its skull, killing it instantly.
Just at that moment the guardian Elves swarmed into the cottage. Edwen Nana had some choice words for them.
"How is it," she spluttered, "that a warg could have gotten by each and every one of you fine warriors!? Gilglîr assured me that only Thranduil's best would be posted in the woods hereabouts. Seemingly he made a mistake when he picked you worthless ones to make up the tally!"
"My lady," stammered their captain, "I am so sorry. I do not know how this warg could have gotten by us. We saw no sign that there was such a creature anywhere near this section of the forest—no tracks, no spoor. Almost it seems to have materialized from the very air."
"Huh," scoffed Edwen Nana. "This is no insubstantial being. Now drag it forth, for I do not want my babes affrighted by the sight of the carcass."
It was indeed no insubstantial being, as the warriors discovered when they tried to haul it out of the cottage and into the woods. Not a few of the Elves expressed considerable respect for the elleth who had dispatched the beast with one blow of a smallish axe.
Once the Elves had dragged off the carcass, Edwen Nana tossed down a cloth to hide the blood and knelt down beside the bedstead to coax the elflings to come forth.
"Laiqua, Tathar, you are quite safe now. Come to Nana," she cooed.
Edwen Nana heard a little scuffling noise from beneath the bedstead, and Laiqua crept near enough to its edge for the nursemaid to reach under and draw him forth. She carried him to his cot and gently placed him in it. Now Tathar was peeking out from beneath the frame. Edwen Nana gathered him into her arms and put him into Laiqua's cot as well. Then she sat down upon the bench, threw her apron over her head, and had a good cry, albeit a silent one. She did not want to alarm the elflings any more than they already had been. At length she grew calm and emerged from underneath the apron, as she did so wiping her tears from her face.
"Well," she said with an effort at cheerfulness, "now I know what a 'wohc' is. But," she added thoughtfully, "however did you know what one was? You have never seen one; you have never even heard tell of such a beast."
She shook her head, bewildered by her charge—not for the first time, of course, nor for the last time, either.
Far away in Rivendell, Elrond waited patiently for Gandalf to come out of his trance.
"Should I fetch him a glass of water?" Erestor worried.
Elrond shook his head.
"That won't help. You should never try to force a person to drink whilst in a trance."
"Trance?" said Glorfindel. "Are you sure this is a trance and not some sort of fit? Methought I heard him growl—very untrancelike behavior, if you ask me! Are you sure he won't bite?"
"Well," snapped Elrond, a little irked, "he might if you meddle with him!"
"You heard him growl?" said Erestor, now even more anxious than before. "Perhaps he is possessed by the spirit of some fell creature."
"I shall be growling next," hissed Elrond. "Be still!"
The three Elves stood silent. At last Gandalf groaned. His eyes had been open the whole time, but now they came into focus. He looked about. What, he wondered, was he doing lying under a table in Elrond's chamber? And why was he clutching a candlestick? Wearily, he crept out from underneath the table. Three Elves stood in a row solemnly studying him.
"How came I to be underneath that table?"
"You crawled underneath the table," said Elrond as calmly as if that were the most normal thing in the world for an agéd wizard to have done.
"Why I am holding this candlestick?"
"You seized it before you crawled under the table. You have been using it to fend off an assailant."
"Very nearly broke my nose," complained Glorfindel. "I was merely looking under the table to see if you were well, and you took a swipe at me."
"What assailant was I fending off?"
"I do not know, my friend," answered Elrond. "I had hoped you would be able to tell us."
Gandalf wrinkled his forehead.
"Everything is very dark and confused. It was a beast, I guess, for I heard growling."
"How many?"
"Only the one. It is dead now, I think."
"Think or know?"
"I do not know, but whether this beast be dead or no, the danger has not passed. If alive, it will be back. If dead, there will be others. I must send a message to Gilglîr. He needs must assign more guards."
"Gilglîr?" said Elrond, raising his eyebrows. "Thranduil's Seneschal? So the attack took place in Greenwood?"
"Yes. Of that I am sure. I saw the beast creeping in a forest, past the webs of giant spiders, and Greenwood is the only forest infested with those creatures."
"Who was the target of this attack?"
"I would rather not say, Elrond. Someday I shall tell you more."
"Very well, mellon-nîn, I will not press you. Would you like to dine privately in your chamber? You look a little pale, and I would not want to task you by asking that you sit through a formal meal."
"Thank you, Elrond. I would indeed prefer to dine in my chamber."
Gandalf arose to his feet unsteadily. Glorfindel seized hold of the wizard's arm when he suddenly swayed.
"You must let me help you to your chamber, Mithrandir. You are not well."
"I do not wish to be treated like a baby," Gandalf objected.
"At the moment, you are walking like one," Glorfindel pointed out.
Gandalf had to laugh.
"Very well, Glorfindel. You may help me to my chamber. At least I shall not require nappies!"
"Good!" exclaimed Glorfindel. "For you would be on your own then, my friend."
"Aye," teased Erestor, "better a balrog than a nappy, isn't that so, Glorfindel?"
"Yes, from experience, I would say that is true," replied the balrog-slayer.
"Oh, what do you know of nappies?" challenged Gandalf.
Glorfindel glanced at Elrond, who assumed a most innocent expression.
"Elrond and Celebrían once prevailed upon me to watch the twins while they went on a jaunt to Eregion. They were not yet in leggings. Remind me to tell you about it some time."
"I shall be sure to do so," promised Gandalf. "I would like to know whether you had any better luck than I had—although, as you do not have a beard, you were starting out with an advantage."
Perplexed, the Elves stared at one another. Whatever did a beard have to do with changing nappies?
Elrond cleared his throat. Perhaps Mithrandir had not yet completely recovered the full use of his wits. Better not to tax him with more conversation.
"Well, Glorfindel, why don't you just escort Mithrandir to his chamber. I have some maps I'd like to go over with Erestor."
"You do?" said the latter, surprised.
"I do," Elrond said firmly.
Gandalf smiled and winked at Elrond. Perhaps, thought the elf-lord, relieved at the gesture, the Istar was not so bad off after all.
Miles away, in the forest of Greenwood, Laiqua was not so bad off either. Erynmaethor had fetched Tathar home, and now Laiqua was playing contentedly with a ladle near the warmth of the oven.
"Pider," he said happily.
"Spider!" exclaimed Edwen Nana, horrified. "Don't tell me that one of those wretched creatures is prowling about. If it's not one thing, it's another!"
She hastened to the door and checked to see whether it were bolted, as she had already done repeatedly that evening. She then pried at the shutter of each window to make sure that they, too, were secure.
"There now," she said, satisfied, "no spider will get at my babe."
"Pider," Laiqua said again, throwing his nursemaid into a frenzy. Whatever was she overlooking in her quest to safeguard her charge?
"Pider," chortled Laiqua, raising his ladle in the air and bringing it down upon the floor with a resounding thud. "All gone," he giggled. "Pider all gone."
Edwen Nana gazed down at the floor and then relaxed.
"Yes," she agreed, "that spider is all gone indeed."
Stooping, she gingerly picked up the remains of the spider, which had been an ordinary, harmless one, and tossed it into the fire. Then she picked up Laiqua and, holding him in her lap, helped him to manage his cup. He had been clamoring for the cup for a fortnight, and, a little regretfully, Edwen Nana had set about weaning him. She really wouldn't have minded if he'd nursed for another twelve-month, but it was plain that Laiqua was independent minded and wished to feed himself from plate and cup in the same fashion as his nurse did.
"Well," Edwen Nana consoled herself, "at least that means that he shall probably be out of nappies and into leggings sooner than I expected. The day that it dawns on him that Erynmaethor does not wear nappies, that is the day he will want out of them himself. I had better sew a pair of leggings to have to hand, for if he takes it into his head that he does not want to wear nappies, he will no doubt insist on going about bare-bottomed if there is no alternative to the hateful garment."
Laiqua had drained the last drop of milk from his cup, and Edwen Nana picked up a damp cloth to give his face and hands a once-over. This was more ceremonial than necessary. Laiqua's ability to remain clean had always seemed preternatural. Today was a case in point. Tathar had come out from underneath the bedstead covered in dust; Laiqua, on the other hand, had picked up nary a cobweb.
Crooning a lullaby, Edwen Nana laid Laiqua in his cot. Smiling, Laiqua looked up at her.
"Nananana," he sang back. He never left off smiling, but slowly his eyes glazed over as he slipped into infant dreams.
In Rivendell, Gandalf also found himself growing very relaxed. Glorfindel, who had stayed to chat with him as he supped, watched, fascinated, as the wizard's eyes began to droop. Odd, the wizard's way of sleeping with his eyes closed, or very nearly so. Most peculiar of all, however, were the Istar's final words as he drifted off to sleep. Glorfindel was quite sure that the wizard muttered—'No nappy'.
Mightily confused, the balrog-slayer shook his head. He could not at all make out what those words meant. Surely they could not mean what they seemed to mean. No, there had to be some hidden meaning, some portentous message, disguised in that innocent phrase.
On the morrow, however, it was Edwen Nana who would discover the secret significance of Gandalf's final words. For when she went to lift Laiqua from his cot, she found the elfling sitting there without a stitch on his body.
"No nappy," chortled Laiqua cheerfully, waving about the discarded garment. "No nappy."
As for Gandalf, never again would he be troubled by dreams of diapers. Of course, there are things far worse than nappies. But at the moment, Reader, let us be grateful for small favors.