Title: Behind Blue Eyes
Author: Nicki Saja
Email: sam_jack_fan@hotmail.com
Rating: PG (only for words)
Archive: SJD yes, Carterfic yes, samandjack yes, and everyone else who wants it (but let me know first, please)
Story Status: in progress
Pairings: Sam/Jack
Category: Angst/Future/Songfic
Spoilers: Grace/Chimera
Season: 7 and Future
Summary: Sam has made a big decision but she has doubts
Feedback: is most welcome!
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters relating to Stargate SG1. They belong to MGM and any of their associates. I'm just using the characters to write a little story of my own.
Author's Notes: I realise I have to wait and see what the episodes Grace and Chimera are really about, but I can't do that. The second half of season 7 is going to give me sleepless nights, even more than I already have. But I couldn't help it to write this. I was listening to Behind Blue Eyes -Limp Bizkit and I had to write this. It's so perfect for Sam. Anyway, I know the story isn't finished. And if you guys think it's worth to write more of it, than I'll do it. But bear with me. For the moment, I have lots of work for school so it can take some time to finish it.
This story didn't had a beta, so all the mistakes are mine.
*****
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
~ Behind Blue Eyes - Limp Bizkit ~
*****
I never thought it would be so hard. Don't get me wrong, I knew it wouldn't be easy to leave the SGC. To leave a life I always thought it would be my only one. To leave my friends, or I'd better say, colleagues who found a way to my heart and became more than friends, they were and are my family. But the hardest part is the leave my commanding officer, Jack O'Neill. He is the last person I should be thinking about and yet, he wasn't even left my thoughts.
I'm so screwed. My whole life is. That coming from a person who just made the biggest step in her life, well, that says a lot. I know that what I'm doing, is for the best. For the best. Who's best? Mine, Peter's or Jack's? Like I said. I'm screwed.
The road is remarkably quiet. Although considering it's the middle of the night. In the trunk are my farewell presents. I haven't really looked at them yet. They don't matter, at least not now. The only thing that does matter is the envelope that's laying next to me.
And I dared to believe that all my problems would be gone, when I left the mountain. I was so wrong.
My eyes are on the road but my mind is thinking about that damn letter he gave me. Damn him! How could he do this to me?
At midnight the most of the guests were already leaving and he hadn't even shown up. I saw people passing by me and giving me one last goodbye and for all that time I was secretly waiting for him. Fortunately Peter wasn't with me, otherwise he would have noticed my longing. I think Janet and Daniel knew that there was something wrong. Of course there was something odd going on! You leave the chain of the command you have been in for seven years and your commanding officer doesn't even come to say his goodbyes.
At last, when it was only me, Janet, Cassie, Daniel, Teal'c and General Hammond, his face came around the corner. I was glad to see him and at the same time, it hurt so much. He gave me a big smile and I smiled back. But I know for the both of us, it was just fake to mislead the people standing with us in the room.
"Carter," he said, "Sorry I'm late."
"That's okay, sir," I said, "The party isn't over yet." I pointed out to the others.
"Well, I won't be staying long, I just wanted to get here and give you this." I looked down at the envelope.
"Thank you." I really didn't know what to say else. Before I could do something, he pulled me in a hug. To say I was surprised is a understatement. I just wrapped my arms around his back and I enjoyed that short moment. I could smell his after-shave and my legs went weak.
"Don't open it before you're home," he whispered in my ear. Then the moment was gone. He let me go but not before he gave me a kiss on the cheek. After that, he turned his back and left the room, without looking back.
Bastard. Coward. I wanted to shout him those names but all I could do, was stand there and watch him leave. To see him walking out of my life.
God, I feel stupid! My wheel has to take the blow I give it. I'm so angry. Why didn't I say anything? Why did I stand there and let it happen?
Tears are beginning to fall. I can't hardly see a thing anymore on the road. I slow down and pull over. My nerves are about to break.
"Stupid!" I hit the wheel again. I have to do something to get rid of this anger.
It takes me minutes to stop the tears from falling.
"I should be happy!" I start to shout, "I'm happy! I'm going home, to Peter and I am going to live a life I want, one that I chose to have! And not some Colonel with some stupid letter is going to take that away from me!"
The engine starts and I drive home. I made my decision. I left him, together with all those memories and feelings and I'm starting a new life. With Peter.
But when I arrive at home, sit in my car and look at the letter, I begin to doubt.
*****
TBC??
You choose.
Author: Nicki Saja
Email: sam_jack_fan@hotmail.com
Rating: PG (only for words)
Archive: SJD yes, Carterfic yes, samandjack yes, and everyone else who wants it (but let me know first, please)
Story Status: in progress
Pairings: Sam/Jack
Category: Angst/Future/Songfic
Spoilers: Grace/Chimera
Season: 7 and Future
Summary: Sam has made a big decision but she has doubts
Feedback: is most welcome!
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters relating to Stargate SG1. They belong to MGM and any of their associates. I'm just using the characters to write a little story of my own.
Author's Notes: I realise I have to wait and see what the episodes Grace and Chimera are really about, but I can't do that. The second half of season 7 is going to give me sleepless nights, even more than I already have. But I couldn't help it to write this. I was listening to Behind Blue Eyes -Limp Bizkit and I had to write this. It's so perfect for Sam. Anyway, I know the story isn't finished. And if you guys think it's worth to write more of it, than I'll do it. But bear with me. For the moment, I have lots of work for school so it can take some time to finish it.
This story didn't had a beta, so all the mistakes are mine.
*****
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
~ Behind Blue Eyes - Limp Bizkit ~
*****
I never thought it would be so hard. Don't get me wrong, I knew it wouldn't be easy to leave the SGC. To leave a life I always thought it would be my only one. To leave my friends, or I'd better say, colleagues who found a way to my heart and became more than friends, they were and are my family. But the hardest part is the leave my commanding officer, Jack O'Neill. He is the last person I should be thinking about and yet, he wasn't even left my thoughts.
I'm so screwed. My whole life is. That coming from a person who just made the biggest step in her life, well, that says a lot. I know that what I'm doing, is for the best. For the best. Who's best? Mine, Peter's or Jack's? Like I said. I'm screwed.
The road is remarkably quiet. Although considering it's the middle of the night. In the trunk are my farewell presents. I haven't really looked at them yet. They don't matter, at least not now. The only thing that does matter is the envelope that's laying next to me.
And I dared to believe that all my problems would be gone, when I left the mountain. I was so wrong.
My eyes are on the road but my mind is thinking about that damn letter he gave me. Damn him! How could he do this to me?
At midnight the most of the guests were already leaving and he hadn't even shown up. I saw people passing by me and giving me one last goodbye and for all that time I was secretly waiting for him. Fortunately Peter wasn't with me, otherwise he would have noticed my longing. I think Janet and Daniel knew that there was something wrong. Of course there was something odd going on! You leave the chain of the command you have been in for seven years and your commanding officer doesn't even come to say his goodbyes.
At last, when it was only me, Janet, Cassie, Daniel, Teal'c and General Hammond, his face came around the corner. I was glad to see him and at the same time, it hurt so much. He gave me a big smile and I smiled back. But I know for the both of us, it was just fake to mislead the people standing with us in the room.
"Carter," he said, "Sorry I'm late."
"That's okay, sir," I said, "The party isn't over yet." I pointed out to the others.
"Well, I won't be staying long, I just wanted to get here and give you this." I looked down at the envelope.
"Thank you." I really didn't know what to say else. Before I could do something, he pulled me in a hug. To say I was surprised is a understatement. I just wrapped my arms around his back and I enjoyed that short moment. I could smell his after-shave and my legs went weak.
"Don't open it before you're home," he whispered in my ear. Then the moment was gone. He let me go but not before he gave me a kiss on the cheek. After that, he turned his back and left the room, without looking back.
Bastard. Coward. I wanted to shout him those names but all I could do, was stand there and watch him leave. To see him walking out of my life.
God, I feel stupid! My wheel has to take the blow I give it. I'm so angry. Why didn't I say anything? Why did I stand there and let it happen?
Tears are beginning to fall. I can't hardly see a thing anymore on the road. I slow down and pull over. My nerves are about to break.
"Stupid!" I hit the wheel again. I have to do something to get rid of this anger.
It takes me minutes to stop the tears from falling.
"I should be happy!" I start to shout, "I'm happy! I'm going home, to Peter and I am going to live a life I want, one that I chose to have! And not some Colonel with some stupid letter is going to take that away from me!"
The engine starts and I drive home. I made my decision. I left him, together with all those memories and feelings and I'm starting a new life. With Peter.
But when I arrive at home, sit in my car and look at the letter, I begin to doubt.
*****
TBC??
You choose.