Chapter 3
Author's Notes: Thank you so much for the reviews! :) I hope I can live up to your expectations of this chapter. :) Now, enjoy and please, continue to let me know what you think.
*****
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscious seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
~ Behind Blue Eyes - Limp Bizkit ~
*****
I'm crying. He always makes me laugh. Never once, have I shed tears because of his words. Now he did it. This can't be happening. It wasn't meant to be like this. But yet it is and it's killing me.
He always kept smiling even when I was dating Peter. He seemed... okay with it. 'Right Sam, you're talking about the great Jack O'Neill, master of hiding feelings!'
I read the last part over and over again.
*We never made any promise to each other. But I believed in that silent vow we made. When the Goa'ulds were dead and defeated, there would be time for us. But I think we both knew that wasn't going to happen.
So I'm happy for you, my sweet Sam. I wish you all the luck in the world. Have a great life, you deserve it.*
He's right. We never made any promise, but there was 'something' between us. We had this connection that was... unique. I'll never deny that. I couldn't. In the seven years that has passed too much has happened to simply forget that. I know I haven't forgotten that, but I did something far worse.
I broke it. By leaving the SGC, I chose to leave him behind, to leave him alone. I broke the connection by leaving and with that, I killed the dream of 'us being together'. Not his dream alone, it was my dream once too.
Suddenly my cell phone rings. Hastily I dig in my pocket to take the call. My voice cracks when I greet the caller. Turns out, it's Peter.
"Sam, what's wrong? You sound odd." Damn, I should have know.
"Euhm,. nothing," I respond too quickly, "The line is bad."
"Oh, okay." He buys it, I hope. "I'm just calling to know when you're going to be home."
I look up and watch the house. There's no light except upstairs. So he's already in bed.
"Sam? You there?"
I sigh. "Yeah, I'm here."
"It's just that I'm worried about you. Saying goodbye isn't easy."
My eyes are watery. He doesn't know how right he is. "I don't know when I'll be home. It could get late," I lie.
He stays silent.
"Like you said, saying goodbye isn't easy."
"I know, I know. I understand." He does understand. I can hear it in his voice.
"Thank you. I won't be too late, though." I really don't know what I'm saying. I'm just not ready to get out of this car yet.
"Okay. I love you."
"Me too." I end the conversation. The tears are falling.
I lied to him. In more ways than one. Only because I had some letter of my former CO. Oh God, my life sucks. The cell phone is in my right hand and the letter in my left. I stare at it, not knowing what to do.
'I won't do it.' I've made my choice. Months ago, when I started dating Peter. I put the phone down and look up at my house. My teary eyes don't see much but I detect no more lights upstairs. The letter is still in my hands. I don't know how long it takes me to reach for the phone and make a call to the SGC.
"Hi, this is Major Carter. Could you check for me if Colonel O'Neill is still in the complex?" 'Please say yes.'
"Sorry ma'am. The Colonel has left only minutes after you." My heart aches.
"Thank you, officer. 'Night."
"Goodnight, ma'am."
So that's it. He left.
Carefully I put the letter back in the envelope. It's over. At a point I thought everything would begin again. A new location, a new house in a new neighbourhood, a new career, a new life, a new love.
I sweep the tears away with the sleeves of my jacket. My eyes are tired, yet they don't stop crying. But not only my eyes are tired I now realize. It has been a hard day, especially the evening. With one last look on the envelope, I close my eyes and wish this was one great nightmare.
*****
TBC?
I'll say it again, you choose.
Author's Notes: Thank you so much for the reviews! :) I hope I can live up to your expectations of this chapter. :) Now, enjoy and please, continue to let me know what you think.
*****
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscious seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
~ Behind Blue Eyes - Limp Bizkit ~
*****
I'm crying. He always makes me laugh. Never once, have I shed tears because of his words. Now he did it. This can't be happening. It wasn't meant to be like this. But yet it is and it's killing me.
He always kept smiling even when I was dating Peter. He seemed... okay with it. 'Right Sam, you're talking about the great Jack O'Neill, master of hiding feelings!'
I read the last part over and over again.
*We never made any promise to each other. But I believed in that silent vow we made. When the Goa'ulds were dead and defeated, there would be time for us. But I think we both knew that wasn't going to happen.
So I'm happy for you, my sweet Sam. I wish you all the luck in the world. Have a great life, you deserve it.*
He's right. We never made any promise, but there was 'something' between us. We had this connection that was... unique. I'll never deny that. I couldn't. In the seven years that has passed too much has happened to simply forget that. I know I haven't forgotten that, but I did something far worse.
I broke it. By leaving the SGC, I chose to leave him behind, to leave him alone. I broke the connection by leaving and with that, I killed the dream of 'us being together'. Not his dream alone, it was my dream once too.
Suddenly my cell phone rings. Hastily I dig in my pocket to take the call. My voice cracks when I greet the caller. Turns out, it's Peter.
"Sam, what's wrong? You sound odd." Damn, I should have know.
"Euhm,. nothing," I respond too quickly, "The line is bad."
"Oh, okay." He buys it, I hope. "I'm just calling to know when you're going to be home."
I look up and watch the house. There's no light except upstairs. So he's already in bed.
"Sam? You there?"
I sigh. "Yeah, I'm here."
"It's just that I'm worried about you. Saying goodbye isn't easy."
My eyes are watery. He doesn't know how right he is. "I don't know when I'll be home. It could get late," I lie.
He stays silent.
"Like you said, saying goodbye isn't easy."
"I know, I know. I understand." He does understand. I can hear it in his voice.
"Thank you. I won't be too late, though." I really don't know what I'm saying. I'm just not ready to get out of this car yet.
"Okay. I love you."
"Me too." I end the conversation. The tears are falling.
I lied to him. In more ways than one. Only because I had some letter of my former CO. Oh God, my life sucks. The cell phone is in my right hand and the letter in my left. I stare at it, not knowing what to do.
'I won't do it.' I've made my choice. Months ago, when I started dating Peter. I put the phone down and look up at my house. My teary eyes don't see much but I detect no more lights upstairs. The letter is still in my hands. I don't know how long it takes me to reach for the phone and make a call to the SGC.
"Hi, this is Major Carter. Could you check for me if Colonel O'Neill is still in the complex?" 'Please say yes.'
"Sorry ma'am. The Colonel has left only minutes after you." My heart aches.
"Thank you, officer. 'Night."
"Goodnight, ma'am."
So that's it. He left.
Carefully I put the letter back in the envelope. It's over. At a point I thought everything would begin again. A new location, a new house in a new neighbourhood, a new career, a new life, a new love.
I sweep the tears away with the sleeves of my jacket. My eyes are tired, yet they don't stop crying. But not only my eyes are tired I now realize. It has been a hard day, especially the evening. With one last look on the envelope, I close my eyes and wish this was one great nightmare.
*****
TBC?
I'll say it again, you choose.