By: Stew Pid

Rating: Should be okay.

Disclaimer: I only own the Stew Pid stuff.

A/N: This is the beginning of ch. 6 of Season 4 As NOT Seen on TV. So yep, that fic will remain unfinished. It wasn't really off to a good start anyway, don't you think? But hey, if you think you can salvage it and want to pick it up again, you don't need my permission. You have my blessing. If you want my notes, I don't have them anymore, but I might be able to get them. Even if I can't, I can always jot them down again. I don't think that breaks with my decision. Just let me know. Or you can take it your own way. Or you can not take it at all. It's up to you. So here's the beginning of ch. 6…

(Gilmore Residence. Rory is studying on the couch. Lorelai comes in.)

Lorelai: Good news.

Rory: You bought the yellow shoes you've been drooling over for over a month.

Lorelai: Well, not that good, I guess. No, they start working on the new Inn tomorrow.

Rory: Well it's about time.

Lorelai: I know.

Rory: That's great. Congratulations.

Lorelai: Of course, I'm going to need shoes to match the hard hat. I guess I'm just going to have to get those shoes after all.

Rory: You can write it off as a business expense.

Lorelai: Yes, very good.

Rory: Of course, you're the business owner so you're still going to have to pay for them.

Lorelai: Ugh. The price of power.

Rory: 59.99.

(Next day. Luke's. Luke exits the diner with some plates and finds everyone is gone. He puts the plates down and looks outside. All are gathered by the Town Square. There is an ambulance. Luke hurries over.)

Luke: (to a crying Babette) What's going on?

Morey: Newspaper dude got in an accident. Doesn't look good.

Luke: Bootsy?

Miss Patty: I saw everything. Oh, it was terrible.

Babette: He was just walking, and BAM!!

Luke: Bam?

Miss Patty: It was more like a BOOM!!

Luke: Boom?

Morey: Sounded more to me like a WHUMP!!

Luke: What?

Kirk: Well, to be completely accurate, the BAM was at the first contact, followed by a BOOM from the force of the impact, and the WHUMP was when he hit the floor.

Babette: Why would it WHUMP when he hit the floor?

Kirk: My guess is a vitamin deficiency in his diet.

Miss Patty: Oh, the poor thing.

Luke: Could somebody please tell me what happened?

Morey: Pay attention, man. The guy got hit by a bus.

Babette: A tour bus.

Miss Patty: I always thought those things were dangerous. People are always looking to the left or to the right. Never right in front of them.

Luke: Might have helped Bootsy if he looked to the right and left.

Miss Patty: Luke, I'm appalled. Can't you be a little more sensitive?

Luke: So how bad does it look?

Kirk: Vital signs are okay. Looks like he's sustained a couple of broken bones. He'll be okay. They just need to get him to the hospital before he loses any more blood.

Babette: What's taking them so long?

Kirk: Oh, that's right. (out loud) All right, everyone. Back it up. The show's over. Nothing more to see. We have to get this guy out of here.

(A lady paramedic loads Bootsy in the ambulance.)

Lady: Is anyone coming with him?

Babette: Someone should go with him.

Miss Party: Yeah. The poor thing shouldn't be alone at a time like this.

(Taylor pushes through with a megaphone.)

Taylor: All right. Everyone calm down. Everything is being taken care of. I've just filed the police report. It seems he will be okay.

Miss Patty: Taylor, someone has to go with him.

Taylor: You're absolutely right. Any volunteers?

(The crowd begins to thin. Everyone has something to do.)

Babette: I'd go but Morey and I are cat-sitting.

Miss Patty: I have a class in ten minutes.

Luke: (to the dispersing crowd) I hope some of you are headed back to the diner to pay for your orders.

Taylor: Luke, how could you think about money at a time like this? Since we have no volunteers, I'm commissioning you to go.

Luke: What? You can't do that.

Taylor: Why not?

Luke: Because this isn't the Soviet Union, and despite the resemblance, you're not Stalin.

Taylor: How dare you compare me to a Communist? Let me remind you that this is really your fault.

Luke: What are you talking about?

Taylor: Let's not forget who sabotaged my motion to install a streetlight here.

Luke: That streetlight sabotaged itself. It was completely ridiculous. By the next week, I wasn't the only one complaining about it. And I wasn't the one who set up a tour route around Stars Hollow?

Babette: That's true, Taylor.
Miss Patty: I always said tour buses are dangerous.

Taylor: Don't listen to this insensitive rabble-rouser.

Luke: Look, I'm not blaming anyone for what happened. It's Bootsy's own fault. I'm just not going with him.

(There is a collective gasp.) I have a business to run….I have a kid to take care of…I have a life…Fine. I'll go.

Babette: Atta boy, Luke.
Miss Patty: That's the Luke we know and love.

Luke: Yeah, fine, whatever. (He mounts the back of the ambulance. Kirk shuts the door and gets in behind the wheel.)

Luke: You're a paramedic?

Kirk: Yeah. I took a test over the internet. Got my license in the mail.

(Luke rolls his eyes and looks over at a semi-unconscious Bootsy, who looks groggily at Luke)

Bootsy: Mama?

Luke: (sighs) God help me.

A/N: If you're wondering where any of this was going, aside from (hopefully) to your funny bone, this chapter was going to lead to nowhere until it later leads to Luke breaking up with Nicole. For those concerned, Bootsy is going to be okay. To make a long story short, Luke finds out Nicole used to date Bootsy and it freaks him out. A rather funny breakup in contrast to the show's more serious one, but again, my psychic abilities: another man was involved.