Disclaimer: I don't own Harry or Draco or Hermione or Ron etc etc. Sad
isn't it? Oh well I'll live.
I've proofread this a couple of times so I'm hoping that there aren't any glaring errors. I think writing this story has become a sort of addiction for me. It's taking up so much of my time. That's the problem with me, I'm sorta a perfectionist so I end up thinking about the story even when I'm out with my friends. It's driving them crazy. Oh dear. Anyway, hope you like how it's going so far. Please R & R. Thanks. *rushes off to catch up on homework*
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Chapter 4
Harry's POV
Mione and I left Ron in the Great Hall. Hermione knew something was up with me and I was walking pretty fast to avoid the inevitable conversation. I noticed that she had that adorable little crease between her eyebrows and she'd set her chin just so; I could tell that she wasn't going to let me go so easily. I knew I owed it to her, after all she's done for me. And if I didn't tell her what was bothering me, she'd get so worried. I didn't want that.
But somehow I just couldn't bring myself to talk. Besides, it was nothing important. Bumping into Malfoy in the hallway had reminded me of the Dursley's. I had simply been caught off guard and the similarities in the tone and the open hostility unnerved me. Then when Malfoy trapped me against the wall I felt an unexpected surge of claustrophobia, I could feel my chest tightening as if an elephant was sitting on my ribcage. My head spun and the air became so thick.
(couldn't breathe)
It was uncomfortable.
A remnant fear of small spaces from endless weeks in the closet probably.
Professor Snape told me that talking would help and I did. Talk I mean. I'd made a nuisance of myself and distressed everyone. I'm supposed to have gotten over what had happened at the Dursley's by now. I thought I had. But why had I panicked?
I resent the weakness.
(I'm terrified that I'm losing control over my mind and body)
There was something else though. Something.... something I don't feel like analysing at the moment.
(afraid of what I might find)
When Malfoy took away my paintbrushes I had hardly fought back. It seemed only fair. I know normal people don't think this way but I feel that it was an unavoidable occurrence. I enjoy painting too much. It makes me feel happy. I don't deserve that kind of indulgence. Besides, it's not the first time something like this has happened. Why should things change now? Anything I liked too much would be taken away from me. Toys. Books. Clothing. Food.
(My parents)
I understand loss. I can deal with it.
(I don't deserve nice things)
I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I feel like I'm always complaining, worrying my friends over trivial things. Especially Ron and Hermione. They're a couple, they should be spending more time with each other, but then how can they? I'm like this enormous third wheel. Always getting in the way. Always crying out for attention.
They're so good to me, constantly around, taking care of me, looking out for me. And all I've ever done for them is to get them into dangerous situations, and probably making them targets of Voledemort's insanity. I'm such a magnet for trouble, I don't blame the Dursley's for not wanting me around. It was difficult bringing me up. And they were under no obligation to take care of me. I mean the food and clothing were bought with their money. What claim did I have to them in the first place? I was such a burden. They even let me go to school. I should be thankful for the things they gave me.
(that they didn't want)
I was so distracted with my own thoughts that I was caught by surprise when I felt someone grab me by the arm. I must have seen Malfoy while coming down the corridor but it didn't register until he physically touched me.
"I should have know you'd play a cheap trick like that to get attention. Paint. And I thought you were bleeding. How slytherin, Potter. I'm impressed." A low voice drawled next to my ear. I shivered involuntarily.
"You think I did that on purpose? If I remember correctly, you were the one who slammed me against the wall and burst that tube of paint in the first place." I replied calmly, I was acutely aware of his presence behind me but I remained relaxed. Mione's presence was comforting.
It wasn't like he could do or say anything to get to me. Whatever he came up with now I've had it infinitely worse from the Dursley's.
(then why had I panicked earlier?)
"Why the hell were you carrying paint around with you in the first place, Potter?" Malfoy spat viciously. Apparently my lack of reaction had irritated him.
"I like to paint." I turned to see how he took this new information.
"Right, you expect me to believe that."
(what was I expecting him to do, show interest? why would anyone be interested in me?)
"Sorry that I didn't take into consideration the possibility that people would be physically attacking me on my way to dinner." I grabbed Mione and started to leave.
"Going so soon? Oh my, where are my manners? I shall not delay you two any longer from your snog session." Malfoy sneered, "Though I expected you to have more taste than to go after a Mudblood, Potter."
I froze in my steps. He'd gone too far. I will not tolerate him insulting Mione in this way.
"Leave it!" I ignored Mione tugging on my sleeve and the anxious whisper that followed.
"Gods! Grow up, Malfoy. Apparently your maturity hasn't reached past the level of name calling. Hermione's worth ten of you. She tops the school; she does better than all of those 'purebloods'. Can't you see that lineage doesn't matter? And what's the whole thing with purebloods? Without Muggle- borns the wizarding race would have gone extinct long ago from inbreeding. Besides, some of the greatest wizards that lived were muggle-born."
"Oh... so we're acting all virtuous now are we, Potter? What do you know about how the wizarding world works? You grew up with muggles. Stupid muggle lover, I bet that your muggle relatives simply worship you, they probably kiss your feet for staying with them. Of course you'd think muggles aren't a waste of space when they're treating you like you're some god. Now that I think of it, I wouldn't mind them too if they went down on their hands and knees for me." Malfoy drawled as he buffed his nails on his robe.
(they went down)
My mouth went dry.
(on me)
He raised his eyebrow. "Honestly, Potter, I don't know what's the whole fuss about you. Everyone loves you because you're the Boy-That-Lived, through no accomplishment of your own, may I remind you. You live that perfect little life of yours and you expect everyone to give way to you. Talk about taking advantage of the situation."
I would have laughed at the irony of that statement if my throat wasn't seizing up.
"How DARE you." I looked over at Mione in surprise. She was raging, she looked like some avenging angel, her wild curls, glinting gold in the weak light, framed her face that was pale with fury, her nut brown eyes flashing dangerously. I gaped. I felt almost sorry for Malfoy. He was really in for it. Unfortunately he didn't know that.
"What, Granger? This is between Harry and me so just... butt out." Malfoy sneered, barely looking at her.
(yes, leave it, I'm not worth it)
"You... you bastard! How dare you says things like that to Harry?" Mione went on as if he hadn't spoken. "You have no idea what you're talking about. You don't even know him. He's gone through so much more than you ever will. You're the one always hiding behind the Malfoy name. Without it, you're nothing. Your whole existence has been and will always be dictated by that name. And the only purpose you serve in your sad little life is probably to produce a heir. You don't even know who you are, all your life you've been doing and saying things that you're expected to. Tell me Malfoy. Do you actually want to follow in your father's footsteps and become a deatheater? Have you even thought about it? All that money doesn't make the slightest difference because you're empty inside. You can play up your father's influence in the wizarding society but the truth is: you aren't worth the dirt under Harry's shoes."
Mione took a deep breath before plunging on, albeit more calmly. "Everytime anything happens and you're running off with your tail between your legs. You can scare others with your pureblood crap but inside you're just a miserable pathetic little shit and you know it. I feel sorry for you Malfoy."
Merlin, I've never heard Hermione swear before. Ever. And Mione's never malicious like this. Malfoy was standing there with his mouth gaping open.
"And shut your trap before you start attracting flies." Hermione shot at him.
She grabbed my arm and stormed off. When I glanced back Malfoy was glaring at us. Our eyes met for a briefly. There was a flicker of something I couldn't place. Hurt? Confusion? Before I could make it out, he turned and stalked off in the opposite direction. I shook off the compassion I suddenly felt for him. This was Malfoy, he had said worse things to us before.
When we were safely out of sight I looked at Hermione in admiration. " Wow Mione."
"Oh dear, I think I really overdid that back there didn't I?" She giggled nervously.
"Speechless is a good look on him," I smiled at her. "You were brilliant. Thanks for standing up for me."
(always)
"Really? Malfoy didn't really deserve that no matter what he did to us before..."
"It'll probably do him some good." I stated firmly.
(was that hurt in his eyes?)
I hid my frown behind a affectionate smile.
(I make people get hurt)
Mione broke eye contact and flushed. Quietly, she slid her arm around me as we made our way to the Gryffindor tower. Her arm felt warmly reassuring but I sensed that she was uneasy. She began to bite her lower lip.
" You should get angry more often. You looked absolutely stunning when you flared up at him!" I teased, chuckling. Mione punched me on the arm and pretended to pout before bursting into laughter. We walked the rest of the way to the owlery in meditative but companionable silence.
* *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** *
To Jade Maxwell: thanks, glad you think so. hope you like this chapter.
To Pepsi: yes i do know what you mean abt the cliffie thing. the anticipation's part of the fun right? oh and this is my first try at writing fanfiction so i'm still trying to perfect the tone and stuff. thanks for the encouragement =).
To NayNymic: well darling, i have a different opinion about rape. i think that it's not about sex or physical contact or even lust. it's about power and domination over another person. trust the dursley's to try to dominate and destroy something that they can't understand. i can't confirm whether he was raped or not. but most likely he was. sorry. hope you'll still keep reading. thanks for always reviewing.
To Viola King: really? you do? oh my i'm flattered.
To Doneril: thanks =)
To BJ Jones: seamus' pt of view will be tough i think coz he's not really very involved.... yet. have to develop and explore his character first before i try it out. and snape's well, we'll see =). i adore severus and it's kinda hard to describe him when speaking in his perspective right? grinz....
I've proofread this a couple of times so I'm hoping that there aren't any glaring errors. I think writing this story has become a sort of addiction for me. It's taking up so much of my time. That's the problem with me, I'm sorta a perfectionist so I end up thinking about the story even when I'm out with my friends. It's driving them crazy. Oh dear. Anyway, hope you like how it's going so far. Please R & R. Thanks. *rushes off to catch up on homework*
* *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** *
Chapter 4
Harry's POV
Mione and I left Ron in the Great Hall. Hermione knew something was up with me and I was walking pretty fast to avoid the inevitable conversation. I noticed that she had that adorable little crease between her eyebrows and she'd set her chin just so; I could tell that she wasn't going to let me go so easily. I knew I owed it to her, after all she's done for me. And if I didn't tell her what was bothering me, she'd get so worried. I didn't want that.
But somehow I just couldn't bring myself to talk. Besides, it was nothing important. Bumping into Malfoy in the hallway had reminded me of the Dursley's. I had simply been caught off guard and the similarities in the tone and the open hostility unnerved me. Then when Malfoy trapped me against the wall I felt an unexpected surge of claustrophobia, I could feel my chest tightening as if an elephant was sitting on my ribcage. My head spun and the air became so thick.
(couldn't breathe)
It was uncomfortable.
A remnant fear of small spaces from endless weeks in the closet probably.
Professor Snape told me that talking would help and I did. Talk I mean. I'd made a nuisance of myself and distressed everyone. I'm supposed to have gotten over what had happened at the Dursley's by now. I thought I had. But why had I panicked?
I resent the weakness.
(I'm terrified that I'm losing control over my mind and body)
There was something else though. Something.... something I don't feel like analysing at the moment.
(afraid of what I might find)
When Malfoy took away my paintbrushes I had hardly fought back. It seemed only fair. I know normal people don't think this way but I feel that it was an unavoidable occurrence. I enjoy painting too much. It makes me feel happy. I don't deserve that kind of indulgence. Besides, it's not the first time something like this has happened. Why should things change now? Anything I liked too much would be taken away from me. Toys. Books. Clothing. Food.
(My parents)
I understand loss. I can deal with it.
(I don't deserve nice things)
I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I feel like I'm always complaining, worrying my friends over trivial things. Especially Ron and Hermione. They're a couple, they should be spending more time with each other, but then how can they? I'm like this enormous third wheel. Always getting in the way. Always crying out for attention.
They're so good to me, constantly around, taking care of me, looking out for me. And all I've ever done for them is to get them into dangerous situations, and probably making them targets of Voledemort's insanity. I'm such a magnet for trouble, I don't blame the Dursley's for not wanting me around. It was difficult bringing me up. And they were under no obligation to take care of me. I mean the food and clothing were bought with their money. What claim did I have to them in the first place? I was such a burden. They even let me go to school. I should be thankful for the things they gave me.
(that they didn't want)
I was so distracted with my own thoughts that I was caught by surprise when I felt someone grab me by the arm. I must have seen Malfoy while coming down the corridor but it didn't register until he physically touched me.
"I should have know you'd play a cheap trick like that to get attention. Paint. And I thought you were bleeding. How slytherin, Potter. I'm impressed." A low voice drawled next to my ear. I shivered involuntarily.
"You think I did that on purpose? If I remember correctly, you were the one who slammed me against the wall and burst that tube of paint in the first place." I replied calmly, I was acutely aware of his presence behind me but I remained relaxed. Mione's presence was comforting.
It wasn't like he could do or say anything to get to me. Whatever he came up with now I've had it infinitely worse from the Dursley's.
(then why had I panicked earlier?)
"Why the hell were you carrying paint around with you in the first place, Potter?" Malfoy spat viciously. Apparently my lack of reaction had irritated him.
"I like to paint." I turned to see how he took this new information.
"Right, you expect me to believe that."
(what was I expecting him to do, show interest? why would anyone be interested in me?)
"Sorry that I didn't take into consideration the possibility that people would be physically attacking me on my way to dinner." I grabbed Mione and started to leave.
"Going so soon? Oh my, where are my manners? I shall not delay you two any longer from your snog session." Malfoy sneered, "Though I expected you to have more taste than to go after a Mudblood, Potter."
I froze in my steps. He'd gone too far. I will not tolerate him insulting Mione in this way.
"Leave it!" I ignored Mione tugging on my sleeve and the anxious whisper that followed.
"Gods! Grow up, Malfoy. Apparently your maturity hasn't reached past the level of name calling. Hermione's worth ten of you. She tops the school; she does better than all of those 'purebloods'. Can't you see that lineage doesn't matter? And what's the whole thing with purebloods? Without Muggle- borns the wizarding race would have gone extinct long ago from inbreeding. Besides, some of the greatest wizards that lived were muggle-born."
"Oh... so we're acting all virtuous now are we, Potter? What do you know about how the wizarding world works? You grew up with muggles. Stupid muggle lover, I bet that your muggle relatives simply worship you, they probably kiss your feet for staying with them. Of course you'd think muggles aren't a waste of space when they're treating you like you're some god. Now that I think of it, I wouldn't mind them too if they went down on their hands and knees for me." Malfoy drawled as he buffed his nails on his robe.
(they went down)
My mouth went dry.
(on me)
He raised his eyebrow. "Honestly, Potter, I don't know what's the whole fuss about you. Everyone loves you because you're the Boy-That-Lived, through no accomplishment of your own, may I remind you. You live that perfect little life of yours and you expect everyone to give way to you. Talk about taking advantage of the situation."
I would have laughed at the irony of that statement if my throat wasn't seizing up.
"How DARE you." I looked over at Mione in surprise. She was raging, she looked like some avenging angel, her wild curls, glinting gold in the weak light, framed her face that was pale with fury, her nut brown eyes flashing dangerously. I gaped. I felt almost sorry for Malfoy. He was really in for it. Unfortunately he didn't know that.
"What, Granger? This is between Harry and me so just... butt out." Malfoy sneered, barely looking at her.
(yes, leave it, I'm not worth it)
"You... you bastard! How dare you says things like that to Harry?" Mione went on as if he hadn't spoken. "You have no idea what you're talking about. You don't even know him. He's gone through so much more than you ever will. You're the one always hiding behind the Malfoy name. Without it, you're nothing. Your whole existence has been and will always be dictated by that name. And the only purpose you serve in your sad little life is probably to produce a heir. You don't even know who you are, all your life you've been doing and saying things that you're expected to. Tell me Malfoy. Do you actually want to follow in your father's footsteps and become a deatheater? Have you even thought about it? All that money doesn't make the slightest difference because you're empty inside. You can play up your father's influence in the wizarding society but the truth is: you aren't worth the dirt under Harry's shoes."
Mione took a deep breath before plunging on, albeit more calmly. "Everytime anything happens and you're running off with your tail between your legs. You can scare others with your pureblood crap but inside you're just a miserable pathetic little shit and you know it. I feel sorry for you Malfoy."
Merlin, I've never heard Hermione swear before. Ever. And Mione's never malicious like this. Malfoy was standing there with his mouth gaping open.
"And shut your trap before you start attracting flies." Hermione shot at him.
She grabbed my arm and stormed off. When I glanced back Malfoy was glaring at us. Our eyes met for a briefly. There was a flicker of something I couldn't place. Hurt? Confusion? Before I could make it out, he turned and stalked off in the opposite direction. I shook off the compassion I suddenly felt for him. This was Malfoy, he had said worse things to us before.
When we were safely out of sight I looked at Hermione in admiration. " Wow Mione."
"Oh dear, I think I really overdid that back there didn't I?" She giggled nervously.
"Speechless is a good look on him," I smiled at her. "You were brilliant. Thanks for standing up for me."
(always)
"Really? Malfoy didn't really deserve that no matter what he did to us before..."
"It'll probably do him some good." I stated firmly.
(was that hurt in his eyes?)
I hid my frown behind a affectionate smile.
(I make people get hurt)
Mione broke eye contact and flushed. Quietly, she slid her arm around me as we made our way to the Gryffindor tower. Her arm felt warmly reassuring but I sensed that she was uneasy. She began to bite her lower lip.
" You should get angry more often. You looked absolutely stunning when you flared up at him!" I teased, chuckling. Mione punched me on the arm and pretended to pout before bursting into laughter. We walked the rest of the way to the owlery in meditative but companionable silence.
* *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** *
To Jade Maxwell: thanks, glad you think so. hope you like this chapter.
To Pepsi: yes i do know what you mean abt the cliffie thing. the anticipation's part of the fun right? oh and this is my first try at writing fanfiction so i'm still trying to perfect the tone and stuff. thanks for the encouragement =).
To NayNymic: well darling, i have a different opinion about rape. i think that it's not about sex or physical contact or even lust. it's about power and domination over another person. trust the dursley's to try to dominate and destroy something that they can't understand. i can't confirm whether he was raped or not. but most likely he was. sorry. hope you'll still keep reading. thanks for always reviewing.
To Viola King: really? you do? oh my i'm flattered.
To Doneril: thanks =)
To BJ Jones: seamus' pt of view will be tough i think coz he's not really very involved.... yet. have to develop and explore his character first before i try it out. and snape's well, we'll see =). i adore severus and it's kinda hard to describe him when speaking in his perspective right? grinz....