Disclaimer: nada nada nada. don't own anything.
To those who are waiting anxiously for action, the chapter after this one should be more to your taste. But first... This chapter was written in the middle of the night. So it'll be erratic at times, but suits the mood I guess. Just Ron thinking. Long long thoughts. phew. I'm exhausted.
Please R&R.
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Chapter 6
Ron's POV
Look closely at Harry. Go on. Just watch him.
There's nothing there that even hints of insecurity. I mean, this is the guy who's hero of the wizarding world, albeit a very reluctant one. Good- looking. Quidditch captain. Topping many of the classes he's taking. The girls love him, the guys want to be him. It's so clichéd it wouldn't even make a movie these days. I mean what does this guy have to be insecure about? But watch him. Look at the way he flies. He's a natural, you think, the way he swoops and dives with reckless abandon, barely escaping with his neck intact. You gasp unconsciously at the high speed turns and passes. The confidence with which he guides his broom is breathtaking.
But look closer. He isn't doing it just for the thrill of it, not for the adrenaline pumping into his veins. He isn't doing it to impress any of the girls either. Do you see it now? The second before he yanks his broom upwards, the tail of his Firebolt just stroking the top of the blades of grass? Do you see that look on his face? It's scary. Like he's actually trying to kill himself but something is stopping him. That's why he never shows any sign that he's going to stop before he hits the ground. It's because he doesn't really want to. Stop. I don't know what that something is, that thing that's keeping him here with us, but I sure as hell hope that the 'something' keeps being there.
It shows up in other ways you know. The insecurity. Small ways. Ways you don't really pay attention to unless you've been around him for awhile and you know what to look out for. Notice the way he'll lean into a hug. Most boys our age don't do that. We resent hugs, we think they're sissy and unnecessary. We'll stiffen and wish it was over. But it's like Harry needs people to remind him that they care for him. He seems to crave the physical contact. Oh don't get me wrong, he'll never actually initiate contact and he's not the touchy feely type. It's other people that are the problem, it's what they can get away with. Like Seamus.
Harry doesn't really know where the boundaries lie, that line between appropriate affectionate touching and molesting, guess it comes from never having much normal physical contact with the Dursley's. They only touched him when they were inflicting pain. In fact, you would probably expect him to abhor other people touching him, associating contact with causing hurt. But he doesn't, he seems to treasure it more. He literally glows when you give him a pat on the back or in the case of Mione, a quick hug. It affirms him.
I wish Harry would look out for himself. Doesn't he see what Seamus is doing? It's disgusting the way Seamus flirts with him. The crude innuendoes, the sly looks at dinner, the way he ever so casually slings his arm around Harry's waist, or shoulder, or hip. And Harry doesn't seem to notice. Not really. I mean he'll ask Seamus to stop when he goes overboard. But Harry's too nice, to polite, too trusting. Plus he's too concerned that other people won't like him. I can't get him to tell Seamus off though it's obvious that he doesn't like Seamus, not in that way. He keeps insisting that Seamus is only joking around. The rest of the school doesn't think so. Most think that they're a couple. It's so... erg!
I wish Harry would let me have a 'talk' with Seamus. If I had known something like this would happen I wouldn't have encouraged Harry to 'come out'. Actually I don't think that would have made a difference to Seamus. At least Harry doesn't fancy him, so there's no chance of Harry's heart breaking. Which knowing Seamus, would have been inevitable if Harry actually cared for him. Seamus is a player, nothing more. I don't think he even knows what the word commitment means. There's plenty of people like him in the school but he's the most outrageous and daring. I intend to keep Harry safe from him.
Seamus is pretty persistent but I know that Harry will never give in to someone he doesn't love or someone who doesn't love him back. He's stubborn in that way. In fact I think he was a virgin when they.... when they raped him. Oh god. We don't talk about that, there was that one time, after he talked with Snape. After that zilch. It's not that we're avoiding the issue. It's just that it's not something we mention casually. Mione and I don't know what to say. And Harry will never bring up the issue voluntarily. Only that one time.
He had told us about the abuse and the rape so matter-of-factly, like it was the most ordinary thing in the world. Instead of the sick thing that it was. I think he didn't want to cause us pain. He's always thinking of other people.
We reacted, of course we did. I said some angry words, vowed to kill the Dursley's and Mione broke down. It was what we were expected to do and say. It only really sank in afterwards. Mione was cradling his head gently. She was crying. Not wailing and moaning but silently crying. Her tears just kept falling, sliding down and they didn't stop and she didn't try to make them. The grief was too great for her to care. And I was thinking they look like pearls, those tears and then I thought how can I be thinking of something like that when something so big has happened?
The mind has a strange way of distracting you from the pain with small trivial matters. It's almost like it is trying to keep you from going mad.
Harry had fallen asleep in her lap looking so innocent and pure but so broken. You couldn't imagine anyone doing something so hateful as that to him. He is too beautiful and delicate. It was the saddest scene I've ever witnessed. I dug my nails into my palms until red crescents formed and the blood pooled in my palm and seeped out from between my tightly clenched fingers. I barely felt the pain over the silent scream in my mind that was drowning out any rational thought.
Mione and I kept a silent vigil. We would protect Harry from the cruel world, if only for a night. It was the least we could do.
* *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** *
Harry has stopped painting portraits. It probably has something to do with his not being able to find people to sit for him. Maybe people just didn't have the time now that school has started, but it's more likely that those who had posed for him before were reluctant to do so again. And Harry isn't one of those pushy people who are used to always getting what they want, he couldn't be anymore opposite of that. He takes the excuses in stride and smiles politely before saying "I understand, you don't have to explain."
Don't get me wrong, it isn't that Harry is a bad artist. Heaven knows I've never met someone with half his talent. In fact, the problem is that he's too good. It's disconcerting to see yourself through his works. They revealed far too much about yourself for comfort. He captures something further, something deeper that you would normally keep hidden away even from yourself. A darker side.
There's this portrait of me tucked safely in my trunk that reveals things about me that I'm not sure I'm prepared to look into. It's not even quite finished, the body is just a rough sketch so far. Just the face. But the emotions in the eyes and the posture of the body gave away more about me than I wanted others to know. I think Harry knows I took it because he never asked about it.
Of course, there's always Seamus, who's always eager to be near him. But Harry couldn't get him to stay still for long enough. Seamus kept getting up and walking over to see how the painting was going. Taking the chance to brush up against Harry of course. Excuse the pun.
And Mione's always willing to sit for him but even she is encouraging him to find other people to pose for him. " You've done so many of me already." She'd exclaim, and smile fondly, wrapping her arms around him protectively, spooning his lithe frame from behind. Her honey coloured curls a splash of gold against his midnight locks. They look so perfect together. Merlin knows Mione adores him.
If Harry hadn't told us he was gay I would be extremely jealous of the way she looks at him. In fact most of our house mates thought that they were a couple, before Seamus came along. I don't blame them, seeing the way she's always fussing over him. But Mione says that he's like a brother to her. I confronted her once about how she felt about Harry and she just laughed fondly, "Oh Ron..." When pushed further she looked into my eyes and said seriously, " I love him as you love him." Even if they are together, I would not let something like that come between us. Between the three of us. What we have is too special.
But I digress. Harry's into painting landscapes now. He had begun with the usual scenes from the Hogwarts grounds, capturing perfectly the shimmer of the lake at twilight, or the explosion of a bird in flight. Mione and I encouraged this hobby. I was jealous of his hobby, how it took him away from us for long periods of time to a world that belonged wholly to himself. But it was something to distract his mind from what his 'relatives' did to him.
Harry would sit quietly beside the lake staring out across the sprawling Hogwarts grounds and begin to paint. Somewhere along the line these scenes of the school ground gave way to landscapes of unearthly places.
Fantastic places which came straight from Harry's imagination. These places were often breathtakingly beautiful, they took shape under his brush unveiling a awe-inspiring magnificence. Yet they unnerved me. As if under this facade of loveliness there lay a more sinister undercurrent of dread. But the feeling was elusive and when I tried to analyse it, it escaped from conscious thought, once more I can only be overwhelmed by the charm of these illusory places.
I can't explain it.
* *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** *
To eMJay: i was thinking something along those lines but not exactly a public art show thing.
To Icy Flame: yes teenage boys are a pain sometimes. *rolls eyes* i'm glad you like the fic =)!
To Jade Maxwell: well there's always people out there who we don't like but they always seem to be right in the middle of things. haha don't worry i'll try and get rid of him... but he's going to be around abit more. oh dear....
To BJ Jones: yup and draco's got to get over himself before i actually let him near harry. or maybe it'll be a 'during' kind of thing. hmz... thanks for reviewing!
To frizzy: ohmigosh... you reviewed! i love your story... and you started the whole veela thing! thanks for taking the time to drop a note =)...
To Elanor: thanks and i am trying to update frequently.
To JE: all will be revealed soon. haha sorry sound like trelawney. i think it's coz i haven't decided yet. thanks for reviewing. and hope you did well for your exams. last year i screwed up mine coz i was following the fanfics. oh my.... dangerous things these are.
To those who are waiting anxiously for action, the chapter after this one should be more to your taste. But first... This chapter was written in the middle of the night. So it'll be erratic at times, but suits the mood I guess. Just Ron thinking. Long long thoughts. phew. I'm exhausted.
Please R&R.
* *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** *
Chapter 6
Ron's POV
Look closely at Harry. Go on. Just watch him.
There's nothing there that even hints of insecurity. I mean, this is the guy who's hero of the wizarding world, albeit a very reluctant one. Good- looking. Quidditch captain. Topping many of the classes he's taking. The girls love him, the guys want to be him. It's so clichéd it wouldn't even make a movie these days. I mean what does this guy have to be insecure about? But watch him. Look at the way he flies. He's a natural, you think, the way he swoops and dives with reckless abandon, barely escaping with his neck intact. You gasp unconsciously at the high speed turns and passes. The confidence with which he guides his broom is breathtaking.
But look closer. He isn't doing it just for the thrill of it, not for the adrenaline pumping into his veins. He isn't doing it to impress any of the girls either. Do you see it now? The second before he yanks his broom upwards, the tail of his Firebolt just stroking the top of the blades of grass? Do you see that look on his face? It's scary. Like he's actually trying to kill himself but something is stopping him. That's why he never shows any sign that he's going to stop before he hits the ground. It's because he doesn't really want to. Stop. I don't know what that something is, that thing that's keeping him here with us, but I sure as hell hope that the 'something' keeps being there.
It shows up in other ways you know. The insecurity. Small ways. Ways you don't really pay attention to unless you've been around him for awhile and you know what to look out for. Notice the way he'll lean into a hug. Most boys our age don't do that. We resent hugs, we think they're sissy and unnecessary. We'll stiffen and wish it was over. But it's like Harry needs people to remind him that they care for him. He seems to crave the physical contact. Oh don't get me wrong, he'll never actually initiate contact and he's not the touchy feely type. It's other people that are the problem, it's what they can get away with. Like Seamus.
Harry doesn't really know where the boundaries lie, that line between appropriate affectionate touching and molesting, guess it comes from never having much normal physical contact with the Dursley's. They only touched him when they were inflicting pain. In fact, you would probably expect him to abhor other people touching him, associating contact with causing hurt. But he doesn't, he seems to treasure it more. He literally glows when you give him a pat on the back or in the case of Mione, a quick hug. It affirms him.
I wish Harry would look out for himself. Doesn't he see what Seamus is doing? It's disgusting the way Seamus flirts with him. The crude innuendoes, the sly looks at dinner, the way he ever so casually slings his arm around Harry's waist, or shoulder, or hip. And Harry doesn't seem to notice. Not really. I mean he'll ask Seamus to stop when he goes overboard. But Harry's too nice, to polite, too trusting. Plus he's too concerned that other people won't like him. I can't get him to tell Seamus off though it's obvious that he doesn't like Seamus, not in that way. He keeps insisting that Seamus is only joking around. The rest of the school doesn't think so. Most think that they're a couple. It's so... erg!
I wish Harry would let me have a 'talk' with Seamus. If I had known something like this would happen I wouldn't have encouraged Harry to 'come out'. Actually I don't think that would have made a difference to Seamus. At least Harry doesn't fancy him, so there's no chance of Harry's heart breaking. Which knowing Seamus, would have been inevitable if Harry actually cared for him. Seamus is a player, nothing more. I don't think he even knows what the word commitment means. There's plenty of people like him in the school but he's the most outrageous and daring. I intend to keep Harry safe from him.
Seamus is pretty persistent but I know that Harry will never give in to someone he doesn't love or someone who doesn't love him back. He's stubborn in that way. In fact I think he was a virgin when they.... when they raped him. Oh god. We don't talk about that, there was that one time, after he talked with Snape. After that zilch. It's not that we're avoiding the issue. It's just that it's not something we mention casually. Mione and I don't know what to say. And Harry will never bring up the issue voluntarily. Only that one time.
He had told us about the abuse and the rape so matter-of-factly, like it was the most ordinary thing in the world. Instead of the sick thing that it was. I think he didn't want to cause us pain. He's always thinking of other people.
We reacted, of course we did. I said some angry words, vowed to kill the Dursley's and Mione broke down. It was what we were expected to do and say. It only really sank in afterwards. Mione was cradling his head gently. She was crying. Not wailing and moaning but silently crying. Her tears just kept falling, sliding down and they didn't stop and she didn't try to make them. The grief was too great for her to care. And I was thinking they look like pearls, those tears and then I thought how can I be thinking of something like that when something so big has happened?
The mind has a strange way of distracting you from the pain with small trivial matters. It's almost like it is trying to keep you from going mad.
Harry had fallen asleep in her lap looking so innocent and pure but so broken. You couldn't imagine anyone doing something so hateful as that to him. He is too beautiful and delicate. It was the saddest scene I've ever witnessed. I dug my nails into my palms until red crescents formed and the blood pooled in my palm and seeped out from between my tightly clenched fingers. I barely felt the pain over the silent scream in my mind that was drowning out any rational thought.
Mione and I kept a silent vigil. We would protect Harry from the cruel world, if only for a night. It was the least we could do.
* *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** *
Harry has stopped painting portraits. It probably has something to do with his not being able to find people to sit for him. Maybe people just didn't have the time now that school has started, but it's more likely that those who had posed for him before were reluctant to do so again. And Harry isn't one of those pushy people who are used to always getting what they want, he couldn't be anymore opposite of that. He takes the excuses in stride and smiles politely before saying "I understand, you don't have to explain."
Don't get me wrong, it isn't that Harry is a bad artist. Heaven knows I've never met someone with half his talent. In fact, the problem is that he's too good. It's disconcerting to see yourself through his works. They revealed far too much about yourself for comfort. He captures something further, something deeper that you would normally keep hidden away even from yourself. A darker side.
There's this portrait of me tucked safely in my trunk that reveals things about me that I'm not sure I'm prepared to look into. It's not even quite finished, the body is just a rough sketch so far. Just the face. But the emotions in the eyes and the posture of the body gave away more about me than I wanted others to know. I think Harry knows I took it because he never asked about it.
Of course, there's always Seamus, who's always eager to be near him. But Harry couldn't get him to stay still for long enough. Seamus kept getting up and walking over to see how the painting was going. Taking the chance to brush up against Harry of course. Excuse the pun.
And Mione's always willing to sit for him but even she is encouraging him to find other people to pose for him. " You've done so many of me already." She'd exclaim, and smile fondly, wrapping her arms around him protectively, spooning his lithe frame from behind. Her honey coloured curls a splash of gold against his midnight locks. They look so perfect together. Merlin knows Mione adores him.
If Harry hadn't told us he was gay I would be extremely jealous of the way she looks at him. In fact most of our house mates thought that they were a couple, before Seamus came along. I don't blame them, seeing the way she's always fussing over him. But Mione says that he's like a brother to her. I confronted her once about how she felt about Harry and she just laughed fondly, "Oh Ron..." When pushed further she looked into my eyes and said seriously, " I love him as you love him." Even if they are together, I would not let something like that come between us. Between the three of us. What we have is too special.
But I digress. Harry's into painting landscapes now. He had begun with the usual scenes from the Hogwarts grounds, capturing perfectly the shimmer of the lake at twilight, or the explosion of a bird in flight. Mione and I encouraged this hobby. I was jealous of his hobby, how it took him away from us for long periods of time to a world that belonged wholly to himself. But it was something to distract his mind from what his 'relatives' did to him.
Harry would sit quietly beside the lake staring out across the sprawling Hogwarts grounds and begin to paint. Somewhere along the line these scenes of the school ground gave way to landscapes of unearthly places.
Fantastic places which came straight from Harry's imagination. These places were often breathtakingly beautiful, they took shape under his brush unveiling a awe-inspiring magnificence. Yet they unnerved me. As if under this facade of loveliness there lay a more sinister undercurrent of dread. But the feeling was elusive and when I tried to analyse it, it escaped from conscious thought, once more I can only be overwhelmed by the charm of these illusory places.
I can't explain it.
* *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** * *** *
To eMJay: i was thinking something along those lines but not exactly a public art show thing.
To Icy Flame: yes teenage boys are a pain sometimes. *rolls eyes* i'm glad you like the fic =)!
To Jade Maxwell: well there's always people out there who we don't like but they always seem to be right in the middle of things. haha don't worry i'll try and get rid of him... but he's going to be around abit more. oh dear....
To BJ Jones: yup and draco's got to get over himself before i actually let him near harry. or maybe it'll be a 'during' kind of thing. hmz... thanks for reviewing!
To frizzy: ohmigosh... you reviewed! i love your story... and you started the whole veela thing! thanks for taking the time to drop a note =)...
To Elanor: thanks and i am trying to update frequently.
To JE: all will be revealed soon. haha sorry sound like trelawney. i think it's coz i haven't decided yet. thanks for reviewing. and hope you did well for your exams. last year i screwed up mine coz i was following the fanfics. oh my.... dangerous things these are.