Chapter 7
When you told me you loved me.
Buffy arrives at her home and runs up to her room. She goes on her computer and logs on. Immediately a window pops up.
StakeMe114: Hello Slayer.
SlayerChick730: Hey you.
StakeMe114: And how was your day?
SlayerChick730: good =)...yours?
StakeMe114: Decent.
SlayerChick730: I'm sorry. We haven't talked for such a long time.
StakeMe114: I've missed you every night...
StakeMe114: Where've you been?
SlayerChick730:I don't really know. I've missed our conversations too.
StakeMe114: Did
SlayerChick730: Did...
StakeMe114: you
SlayerChick730: I...
StakeMe114: Did you get a boyfriend?
SlayerChick730:Hahaha no I thought I told you. Al guys just end up hurting me, or leaving me. I'm just, I'm just...I don't know. But, no I do not have a boyfriend.
StakeMe114: No matter how you feel about men, the right guy is out there waiting for you. Hell, you are one of the sweetest girls I've ever talked to.
StakeMe114: I mean there is probably a line of guys waiting by your door trying to get you to look at them.
SlayerChick730: No..no that's not it at all. All guys look at is if the girl is hot, if she has big boobs, and if she has a big ass.
SlayerChick730: I swear the whole "I look at girls with a good personality" thing is such a load of bull.
StakeMe114: Maybe, the reason you feel this way is because you've chosen the wrong men. Not all guys are like that. Every woman has her main waiting for her. You cannot hid yourself from the world because of the past. You are letting Parker and all the other bloody pansies in your past that have hurt you get to your head...
StakeMe114: And its killing you. And that's what they probably wanted! Guys like that just want to be oppressive. They want to make you weak and afraid. The way you win is to not be, and to stay strong.
Buffy's eyes start to fog up. He is right, hand she has been oblivious to the truth. How had she lived without this guy who has been here all through high school, but she only meets him now.
StakeMe114: Just
StakeMe114: Just be yourself.
StakeMe114: Pet, are you there?
SlayerChick730: I-I'm still here.
SlayerChick730:and you're right. I'm letting what they have done get to me and it's making me weak. But I don't think I can be strong either.
StakeMe114: Baby, never think that you are weak, because you are the antonym of weak. Every time I talk with you, I look up to you. You are one of the strongest women I have every met, who has endured such years of torment and has not been able to tell anyone. Luv, you are so strong, so brave, so perfect...you're
StakeMe114: I think you're the one...
SlayerChick730: ..huh? The one for what?
StakeMe114:the one for me. I think that I'm in love with you.
StakeMe114: No. I know that I'm in love with you. You are surrounding me everywhere I go. You are every breath I take. You are every word I speak. I'm drowning in you.
A tear rolls down Buffy's cheeks. Slowly, more start to fall as well.
StakeMe114: and it kills me to look at every face while walking down the hallway and not know whether it's you or not. There's only one week left until I know who you are. I wanted to tell you know because you should know that I loved you before I ever saw you...so that you know that this isn't superficial love.
Buffy is speechless. Her throat has gone dry, and her hands are immobile. She blinks her eyes quite a few times to make sure that she isn't dreaming. Her eyes and cheeks still flooded with tears, she is about to type something...anything so that he would know that she is still there, but she sees that he has entered more text.
StakeMe114: Nobody's perfect. Hell, I make a lot of mistakes, a lot of wrong bloody calls. But now that I think about it, there's only one thing I've ever been sure of: you. I'm not asking you for anything. When I say, "I love you," it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me.
Buffy is uncontrollably sobbing now. She feels like hugging whoever this guy is and never letting go.
StakeMe114: I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've understood your kindness and your strength. I've heard the best and the worst of you. I feel like I have known you forever, when I have only known you one year. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, pet. a/n: yeepppp : lil excerpts from "touched"
No one has ever said anything so caring and expressed their feelings so openly to her before. Buffy is suddenly overwhelmed. She has the urge to just type "I LOVE YOU TOO!", but something holds her back. That little voice in the back of her head tugs at her and is telling her that she is only going to end up with her heart shattered.
SlayerChick730: It's so weird that I've never actually met you(or even if I have, I haven't gotten to know you0. And when I talk with you, we are able to communicate more freely than I ever have with anyone. Every one of your words have made my heart melt, and I care for you so much that you won't even be able conceive it.
SlayerChick730: But right now, I'm just so tired, so confused...so scared. You're words, you're presence...they are my muse...but right now...I'm not ready to make a commitment just yet. I'm just so unstable now.
StakeMe114: I would never hurt you, baby. I hope you can understand that. I love you so much. You are my everything.
SlayerChick730: Please. Don't take this the wrong way. I care about you so much. You allow me to be myself, to be free. I just need some time to...
Spike contemplates what she has said. He thinks to himself ' She never said that she loved you back, Spike. No, you git...she said she 'cares for you so much'. Ahh but there you are wrong... she could just be saying that to make you feel better. The more Spike thinks about it, the more angry he gets with the concept that he has conjured up about her pitying him.
StakeMe114: I have got to leave
StakeMe114 has logged off.
SlayerChick730: WAIT!
Error: StakeMe114 is not logged on. Your message could not be sent: WAIT! Buffy's eyes start to water, once again, and this time not out of happiness. 'He probably hates me now'. She runs her hands through her hair once and holds her forehead against her knees, while sitting in her chair. There...she cries herself to sleep, wondering how she would survive the next week without 'him'.
When you told me you loved me.
Buffy arrives at her home and runs up to her room. She goes on her computer and logs on. Immediately a window pops up.
StakeMe114: Hello Slayer.
SlayerChick730: Hey you.
StakeMe114: And how was your day?
SlayerChick730: good =)...yours?
StakeMe114: Decent.
SlayerChick730: I'm sorry. We haven't talked for such a long time.
StakeMe114: I've missed you every night...
StakeMe114: Where've you been?
SlayerChick730:I don't really know. I've missed our conversations too.
StakeMe114: Did
SlayerChick730: Did...
StakeMe114: you
SlayerChick730: I...
StakeMe114: Did you get a boyfriend?
SlayerChick730:Hahaha no I thought I told you. Al guys just end up hurting me, or leaving me. I'm just, I'm just...I don't know. But, no I do not have a boyfriend.
StakeMe114: No matter how you feel about men, the right guy is out there waiting for you. Hell, you are one of the sweetest girls I've ever talked to.
StakeMe114: I mean there is probably a line of guys waiting by your door trying to get you to look at them.
SlayerChick730: No..no that's not it at all. All guys look at is if the girl is hot, if she has big boobs, and if she has a big ass.
SlayerChick730: I swear the whole "I look at girls with a good personality" thing is such a load of bull.
StakeMe114: Maybe, the reason you feel this way is because you've chosen the wrong men. Not all guys are like that. Every woman has her main waiting for her. You cannot hid yourself from the world because of the past. You are letting Parker and all the other bloody pansies in your past that have hurt you get to your head...
StakeMe114: And its killing you. And that's what they probably wanted! Guys like that just want to be oppressive. They want to make you weak and afraid. The way you win is to not be, and to stay strong.
Buffy's eyes start to fog up. He is right, hand she has been oblivious to the truth. How had she lived without this guy who has been here all through high school, but she only meets him now.
StakeMe114: Just
StakeMe114: Just be yourself.
StakeMe114: Pet, are you there?
SlayerChick730: I-I'm still here.
SlayerChick730:and you're right. I'm letting what they have done get to me and it's making me weak. But I don't think I can be strong either.
StakeMe114: Baby, never think that you are weak, because you are the antonym of weak. Every time I talk with you, I look up to you. You are one of the strongest women I have every met, who has endured such years of torment and has not been able to tell anyone. Luv, you are so strong, so brave, so perfect...you're
StakeMe114: I think you're the one...
SlayerChick730: ..huh? The one for what?
StakeMe114:the one for me. I think that I'm in love with you.
StakeMe114: No. I know that I'm in love with you. You are surrounding me everywhere I go. You are every breath I take. You are every word I speak. I'm drowning in you.
A tear rolls down Buffy's cheeks. Slowly, more start to fall as well.
StakeMe114: and it kills me to look at every face while walking down the hallway and not know whether it's you or not. There's only one week left until I know who you are. I wanted to tell you know because you should know that I loved you before I ever saw you...so that you know that this isn't superficial love.
Buffy is speechless. Her throat has gone dry, and her hands are immobile. She blinks her eyes quite a few times to make sure that she isn't dreaming. Her eyes and cheeks still flooded with tears, she is about to type something...anything so that he would know that she is still there, but she sees that he has entered more text.
StakeMe114: Nobody's perfect. Hell, I make a lot of mistakes, a lot of wrong bloody calls. But now that I think about it, there's only one thing I've ever been sure of: you. I'm not asking you for anything. When I say, "I love you," it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me.
Buffy is uncontrollably sobbing now. She feels like hugging whoever this guy is and never letting go.
StakeMe114: I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've understood your kindness and your strength. I've heard the best and the worst of you. I feel like I have known you forever, when I have only known you one year. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, pet. a/n: yeepppp : lil excerpts from "touched"
No one has ever said anything so caring and expressed their feelings so openly to her before. Buffy is suddenly overwhelmed. She has the urge to just type "I LOVE YOU TOO!", but something holds her back. That little voice in the back of her head tugs at her and is telling her that she is only going to end up with her heart shattered.
SlayerChick730: It's so weird that I've never actually met you(or even if I have, I haven't gotten to know you0. And when I talk with you, we are able to communicate more freely than I ever have with anyone. Every one of your words have made my heart melt, and I care for you so much that you won't even be able conceive it.
SlayerChick730: But right now, I'm just so tired, so confused...so scared. You're words, you're presence...they are my muse...but right now...I'm not ready to make a commitment just yet. I'm just so unstable now.
StakeMe114: I would never hurt you, baby. I hope you can understand that. I love you so much. You are my everything.
SlayerChick730: Please. Don't take this the wrong way. I care about you so much. You allow me to be myself, to be free. I just need some time to...
Spike contemplates what she has said. He thinks to himself ' She never said that she loved you back, Spike. No, you git...she said she 'cares for you so much'. Ahh but there you are wrong... she could just be saying that to make you feel better. The more Spike thinks about it, the more angry he gets with the concept that he has conjured up about her pitying him.
StakeMe114: I have got to leave
StakeMe114 has logged off.
SlayerChick730: WAIT!
Error: StakeMe114 is not logged on. Your message could not be sent: WAIT! Buffy's eyes start to water, once again, and this time not out of happiness. 'He probably hates me now'. She runs her hands through her hair once and holds her forehead against her knees, while sitting in her chair. There...she cries herself to sleep, wondering how she would survive the next week without 'him'.