DISCLAIMER: We wish like heck that we owned Yu-Gi-Oh!, but, sadly...duh. We don't.
Chapter Two
It's a Happy Land, It's a Happy Place!
Ding dong! went Seto Kaiba's doorbell at 7:23 in the morning. At that moment, Kaiba was busy sitting in a solid gold chair at a solid gold table, drinking coffee out of a solid silver cup, stirring it with a solid silver spoon. And wearing a satin bath robe to boot. Ah, rich people...
Anyway...the doorbell rang again. Ding dong! Ding dong! "Ah, shut up!" grumbled Kaiba as he got up and ambled slowly to the door. He looked through the little peep hole in the solid oak door and saw a little old man carrying a cane and a broken coffee mug. "No way am I answering the door," Kaiba said to himself as he began to walk away.
"I see you in there, Sonny! Get yer big caboose back over here and open this damn door!" yelled the old man from outside. Needless to say, this angered Kaiba quite well.
He ran back to the door, flung it open and stood glaring at the little old man who came up about to his waist. "WHAT?!" he seethed, tapping his foot impatiently.
"Money for the poor?" asked the little old man, waving the coffee cup around Kaiba's midsection.
Kaiba lifted an eyebrow. "Do you have any idea what time it is?!" he ranted. "It's 7:30 in the morning!"
"Well, you were up already, so it must not bother you that much. Money for the poor?" the old man repeated.
Kaiba slapped the old man's coffee mug away from his midsection and stamped his foot angrily. "I was drinking my coffee! Nobody interrupts me while I'm drinking my coffee! And, guess what?" added Kaiba pleasantly.
"What?" asked the little old man.
"I WASN'T FINISHED!" The old man shuddered at the booming voice that assailed him at that moment. "SO GET YOUR DAMN BUTT OFFA MY DAMN PORCH RIGHT NOW!"
"Seto, what's wrong? Why are you swearing?" asked Mokuba from inside.
"Oh, no reason, Mokuba!" Kaiba smiled in his little brother's direction. He then turned back to the old man. "GOOD BYE!" Slam!
"Who was that, Seto?" asked Mokuba as Kaiba returned from the door, rubbing his temples in irritation.
"Oh, no one, Mokuba!" replied Kaiba cheerily. "Here's $100 for you; go spend it somewhere!" He shoved the money into the little boy's hand.
"Score! Thanks, Big Brother!" Mokuba exclaimed, running out the door to go spend his money.
As Mokuba strolled merrily down the street, he met up with the same little old man who had been begging Kaiba earlier that morning. "Hi old dude! What's up?" he asked as he passed him by.
"Money for the poor?" asked the little old man, waving his even more broken coffee mug in Mokuba's face.
"Sorry, dude...all I have is this $100 bill," Mokuba said, "and my brother gave it to me, so I can't give it all to you. Sorry!"
The old man narrowed his eyes. "And who's you're brother, boy?" he asked suspiciously.
"Seto Kaiba!" Mokuba replied with a beam.
"GAAAAAAAHHHHH!" screamed the old man as he attempted to tackle Mokuba.
"Ahhhhhh! Get away from me, scary old man!" cried Mokuba as he sprinted away as fast as he could.
"Hmm...so Kaiba doesn't like to give charity, does he?" asked Marik, gazing into his crystal ball. "Poor little old man! I would have helped him!" he added in a saintly voice.
JY: Uh, we beg to differ, Marik.
"SHUT UP AND GO AWAY!" screamed Marik, brandishing his rod at JY.
JY: RUN AWAYYYYYYY! (disappear)
"Good riddance!" sniffed Marik. "Now, where was I...? Ah, yes! Kaiba and that poor little old man! I know just the thing that will make that man oh so very happy...hehehe!"
Marik then began to flip through his spell book, singing happily as he did so. "Kaiba, say bye-bye to all your money! Ha haha haha!"
That night, Kaiba lay in his king-size bed, dreaming of—guess what?—money. Surprise, surprise. Suddenly...
Y: Did you see that, Jou? A thingy came outta Kaiba!
At that moment, Kaiba began to stir and woke up.
JY: Uh oh, better go! (disappear)
"Nnn...? What? Mokuba?" asked Kaiba groggily as he sat up and looked around. Nothing. He sniffed sleepily and flopped back down onto his pillow. "Whatever...snore."
Joey had fallen asleep earlier that evening, watching TV on the couch. Suddenly, a little ghosty phantom thing jumped out of him and ran down the hallway.
"Eh! Leggo of my cookies!" Joey exclaimed, sitting up and swiping at the air. "Hmm?" he noticed the room was empty, except for the TV, which was still on.
Joey shrugged, then went to the kitchen and grabbed a stack of cookies from the refrigerator and collapsed on the couch, munching them and watching TV at 1:08 A.M.
The same thing that had happened to Kaiba and Joey was happening to Yugi! Just as the little phantom ran through the door, he suddenly sat up and shouted out at the top of his lungs, "I SUMMON THE DARK MAGICIAN!"
He sat there pointing at the ceiling for a few seconds before he realized he wasn't in a duel. "Huh? Grandpa? Yami?"
"Go back to sleep, Yugi!" came a groggy voice from the Millennium Puzzle.
"Okay, Yami!" replied Yugi cheerfully. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow.
"Oh, shut up, Joey," Tea snapped from beside him. "Yugi just wants to be sure he'll get a good grade. Unlike YOU."
"Hey...back off, Tea!" Joey said sulkily. Suddenly, Tristan stopped walking and stood petrified, staring up the street with wide eyes.
"Guys..." he began, "you'll never believe this..."
"What?" asked Joey and Tea together. Tristan merely pointed with a shaky hand in the direction where a faint song could be heard.
"What's so bad about a song? Somebody's just overly happy today!" Joey protested, not seeing Tristan's point in the matter.
"No, Joey! LOOK WHO'S SINGING IT!"
The tune was "It's a Small World After All," but the words were completely different.
"Is that...Kaiba?" asked Joey incredulously.
"It's a happy land, it's a happy place! Everybody's got money in their face! Money here! Money there! Money is everywhere! Go ahead and spend it all!" While singing this song, Kaiba came skipping merrily up the street with a pink Easter basket, flinging $100 bills into the air wherever he went.
Joey, Tea and Tristan sweat dropped. "I think Kaiba's anti-socialness has finally gone to his head," Joey remarked weakly as Kaiba began to sing again.
Hearing his name, Kaiba stopped in mid-song and glanced at Joey. "Oh no! He sees me! Hide me, Tea!" Joey squeaked as Kaiba skipped over to them.
"Good afternoon, everyone!" Kaiba said happily, clasping his hands together and giving them a huge, stupid grin.
"Uh...hi?" the three replied hesitantly.
"You look like you need to be cheered up!" Kaiba exclaimed, pointing at Joey.
Joey's face paled. "N-no! Stay away!"
"Have some money!" Kaiba shouted, stuffing $1,000 into Joey's hands.
Joey stared at the ten $100 bills in his hands. "WHHOOOAAAHHH! SCORE!" he exclaimed. "I'm rich! I'm rich! Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh YEAH!"
"You're happy now!" chirped Kaiba, clapping his hands together happily. "But I've got more people to brighten up, so, buh-bye!" With that, he began singing again and skipped away. "OOooooo...it's a happy land, it's a happy..."
Tea and Tristan stared after him with dumbfounded expressions. "Okay...I don't care who you are, that right there was scary," Tea stated shakily.
"Nuh-uh, guys! I gotta thousand dollars!" Joey exclaimed, beginning to dance around in circles, whooping uncontrollably. "YEAH!" he shouted when he was done, throwing his hands in the air to celebrate. Suddenly, someone from behind snatched the $1,000 from his hand.
"Hey, what the—" Joey began, then choked on his words. Before him stood an exceptionally angry Kaiba, fingering the money he had swiped from Joey.
"Hey! That's MY money! You just gave that to me!" Joey exclaimed, attempting to retake his fortune.
"Why would I give YOU money, mutt?" snarled Kaiba.
"But-but, you did!" stammered Joey in confusion. "And you were happy and singing two seconds ago before you ran down the street! What's wrong with you?"
Instead of answering, Kaiba grabbed Joey by the shoulders and put his face very close to the other's. "Which way did I go?" he asked slowly.
Joey gulped. "Uh...you're standing right in front of me..."
"WHICH WAY DID I GO?!"
"Eeeek! That way!" squeaked Joey, pointing to where Kaiba had ran off a few moments ago.
"Thank you, mutt!" Kaiba said without really meaning it as he dashed away down the street, shouting at the top of his voice. "HEY, YOU! DAMN IT, YOU, COME BACK HERE! STOP THROWING MY DAMN MONEY IN THE STREET, YOU DAMN IMPOSTER!"
Tea, Tristan and Joey blinked as Kaiba's shouts faded away. "I didn't think he swore so much," Tea said quietly. Her statement was met only with a loud sniff from Joey.
"My...my money...GIVE IT BACK!" he yelled, taking off in Kaiba's direction. Before he could get very far, however, Tea and Tristan grabbed onto his arms and pulled him away from the street. "No, no! Lemme go! Lemme go! I WANT MY MONEY BACK! KAIBAAAAAAAA!"
"Enough, Joey! Let's go!" Tea snapped as she slapped him soundly on the face.
"Sniff sniff...that hurt!" Joey whined. "But...do you realize that I had a THOUSAND DOLLARS IN MY HANDS?! I coulda paid off my bill at the Game Shop with that!"
"We know, Joey. We're sorry," Tea said comfortingly.
"Hmph! Yeah, while you can't pay off yours, you put it on mine!" Tristan grumped.
"Tristan, that is not helping the situation," Tea said calmly. "Now, let's go."
As they continued walking to Yugi's Grandpa's shop, they heard a familiar voice in a nearby park. "Oh, come on, kid! That ain't how ya fight! You gotta punch like this!" exclaimed the voice. A resounding thud soon followed.
"Waaaaaaaa! Don't hit me!" a little voice cried out.
"And kick like THIS!" the older voice commanded, ignoring the little kid's pleas.
"EEEEEEEEEE! STOP IT!"
"And do a head butt like THIS!"
The sounds that followed clearly indicated the older voice was demonstrating the proper fighting techniques on a younger boy.
"That sounds like...Yugi!" Joey exclaimed.
"But...but, Yugi's at school!" protested Tea.
"Well, apparently not!" snapped Joey angrily. "He's over there beating up little kids!"
Soon, they all saw Yugi's signature hair coming toward them. "That's him, all right!" Joey snarled, popping his knuckles. "I'll teach HIM a lesson! That little liar!"
"No, Joey! Let's go to Grandpa's shop and ask him about it once he's calmed down and decides he wants to come to the shop!" Tea said, jerking Joey away from the park. "It'll do no good to get in a fight here!"
"Fine," Joey whispered dangerously. "But when he comes..." He smacked his fist into his other hand. "HE'S GONNA GET IT!"
JY: You better like this! We had to suffer through listening to "It's a Small World!" We HATE that song with a passion! A vengeance! A, a—
Kaiba: Which way did I go?
JY: Uh...over there... (point at cliff)
Kaiba: All right, you imposter...! (falls over cliff) GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Kaiba: (skipping and singing) Have some money! (throws money at JY)
JY: (blink) Huh? Didn't you...just fall off that cliff over there?
Kaiba: (still smiling) Huh? Have some more money!
JY: (gaping) Ok....
Kaiba: Well, gotta go! Tata! (skips merrily away)
JY: Well, that was royally disturbing!
Kaiba: (chokes JY) YOU TWO IDIOTS TOLD ME TO JUMP OFF A CLIFF! (sees money in hands) GIMME BACK MY MONEY!
JY: But...but...okay! Don't kill us! (Kaiba brandishes knife)
Kaiba: Grrr.... (stalks away)
Marik: This is so much fun! (claps hands) R&R please!