In A Breath

By Kyizi

Disclaimer: All characters belong to the WWE, the story is mine.

Rating: R, for violence and rape

Summary: Christian turned his back on his brother, on his career and on his company, was it really all because he was jealous of his brother's success? Or was he trying to escape from something…or someone?

Spoilers: Up to and including Vengeance.

Setting: This starts the day before Vengeance, but we will be taking a trip back in time every now and again.

Feedback: Always appreciated

E-mail: kyizifanfic@hotmail.com

Yahoo! Group: KyiziFic

Notes: This idea came into my head after reading Karen U's fic, "It Only Hurts" where she gave Jericho a reason for being, well, an ass, I began to wonder if maybe Christian had a reason…

(Matt and Lita aren't dating in this one and they're both at Vengeance backstage for the purposes of this fic!)

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Part Fourteen

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Edge gripped onto the sides of his head as he gently rocked back and forth. He could vaguely feel Lita's arms gripping his shoulders, but all he knew was that he had failed his little brother. How could he not have seen it? How could he had missed something so important? His little brother's world had been shattered into nothing and he had missed it. He had seen the empty shell that Christian had become and not even noticed it.

"Mr. Phillips?"

Edge was barely able to pull his head up from his knees without retching. He looked at the nurse approaching them and sat up straighter, taking Lita's hand when she offered it.

"Mr. Phillips?" Edge nodded and the nurse smiled sympathetically. "Your brother is awake."

* * *

Christian rubbed gently at his eyes, but the light was still harsh. It felt as though he really had been trapped in that little room again, even to his senses. He blocked out that line of thought before he could get caught up in it, and turned as the door opened.

He bit back a gasp as his eyes widened. Edge was standing in the doorway, looking unsure. They locked eyes, but neither said anything, and Christian was sure his brother was about to turn and run, but a hand gently pushed him inside. Lita's hand. They both entered, followed by the Hardy brothers. And Torrie.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" he asked, mustering as much spite as he could, but even he knew that it didn't come out that way. He sounded just as shocked and worried as he felt.

"C-Christian? Are you all right?"

He turned at the sound of Torrie's voice, and he knew in an instant that she was the reason that Edge and the others were there. He could see the fear in her eyes. She wasn't sure if she had done the right thing, and to be honest, neither was he, but she had acted on what she had thought was best, and he could never hold that against her.

"Come here, sweetie," he said softly, and she fell into his arms, clutching at his chest and sobbing almost hysterically. "Shhh, it's okay."

"No!" she cried, with a sudden anger that caught him off guard. "It's not all right! What if I hadn't been able to find Edge? What if no one would help me because you pushed them all away when all you had to do was tell them the truth? All you had to do was-"

"Stop it, Torrie," he said softly. He wouldn't listen to her. He couldn't listen to her. Edge hated him. That was the way it was meant to be, and nothing could change that.

"Why didn't you tell me, Chris?"

Christian's eyes widened as he turned to look at his brother, and it was then that he noticed that Edge had been crying. His brother was looking at him with a mixture of shock and compassion, and it struck Christian as to why they were here. He knew. They all knew.

"Get out."

Torrie pulled back and looked at him, shocked. She glanced at the others and they all appeared shocked. All except Edge.

"No, Christian, I'm not going anywhere. It won't work this time. You won't make me hate you."

"I said get out! All of you!"

Edge turned to the others and nodded that they should all leave. He looked at Torrie, who looked like wild horses couldn't drag her from Christian's side, but after a moment under Edge's gaze, she nodded. Torrie leaned forward and gently kissed Christian on the cheek, before following the others out of the room and leaving Christian alone with his brother for the first time in a year.

There was silence as Edge took a seat on Christian's bed, staring at his brother. Christian, glared at the wall, unwilling to let himself look at his brother. He didn't want this. He didn't need it. He was doing fine on his own.

"Christian, look at me."

"Go to hell."

Edge sighed. "Well, this is getting things off to a good start."

"Just leave, Edge. Just leave."

"No."

Christian finally turned, his eyes blazing with so much anger and resentment that Edge was startled. "Why not? Just go! You're good at that. One little push is all you need. You don't see what you don't want to, Ed, so why start now?"

"Because it's been pushed in front of my face and I don't want to ignore it. I want to see it, I want to-"

"You want to see it?" Christian yelled. "You want those imaged floating around your head? Are you sure about that? You want them to haunt your dreams, invade your mind when you least expect it? Turn you into a scared rabbit? Take away everyone you ever loved and cared about? Make them hate you as much as you hate yourself, because you know you deserved it. To lose all-"

"You didn't deserve it, Christian!"

"Shut up!"

Edge was silent for a moment, taking in the scared expression that had come across his brother's face when he had said it wasn't Christian's fault. And that was when it hit him. He understood.

"My, God." Edge closed his eyes for a moment before looking back at Christian. "It was not your fault."

"Shut up, Edge!"

"It wasn't your fault."

"Get out!"

"No. It wasn't your fault."

"Edge, stop. Get out."

"You aren't to blame, Christian."

"Leave me alone. Just go home and get out of here."

"It wasn't your fault."

"How would you know?" Christian cried, his anger suddenly back. "I was gone for four days and you bought some line about meeting a girl after the show? I was in pain with every single step I took and you believed it was just from after the show?"

"I believed it because you wanted me to. I believed it because-"

"Because you didn't want to know any different, Edge. You believed it because you didn't care enough to find out the truth. You believed it because I wanted you to,. But you knew it wasn't the truth."

"You're right. But I never pried when you were being secretive, because it always ended up with us fighting for days."

"Just go, Ed, just leave."

"No. I didn't pry back them because I thought you'd get angry at me. Well, you're already angry at me, and I care too much to let it slide."

"No, you don't, You hate me. Why are you here?" Christian yelled.

"I'm here because you're my brother and I love you. I don't hate you, Chris, you wanted me to hate you so that you could hate yourself."

"Shut up!" Christian sat up straighter, hoping that Edge would take the threat. "You don't know anything, Edge, just leave."

"I know how your mind works, little brother. I'm not going anywhere until you tell me."

"Why? So that you can go beat up the bad guy? Just like when we were kids, huh? You'd make sure that I was taken care of. You'd fight my battles, take them blame when I did something wrong, made sure that no one ever hurt me or they'd deal with you, is that it?" Christian laughed, but there was no humour in the sound. "Not this time, Edge. I was to blame and you can't just take that away from me. You can't-"

"It wasn't your fault, Chris. I know that's what you want me to think, isn't it? You had to make sure I'd hate you so that you could hate yourself in peace. You knew fine well that if I knew I'd never let you fall into this rut. I'd never let you blame yourself, so you had to make me hate you. Even after you turned on me, you knew I was only pissed, you know I didn't really hate you, that's why you used Mom. You knew I'd never forgive you for that. You knew that would make me hate you."

"Get out."

Christian looked terrified, but Edge didn't stop. "I don't hate you anymore, Chris, not after what Torrie told us. I won't let you keep hating yourself. Just tell me. Tell me what I didn't ask about a year ago. It wasn't your fault, Chris, and I don't hate you."

"Tell you? Tell you what? Tell you how terrified I was in that little room? Tell you that even though I was scared shitless, some little part of me kept thinking, 'It's okay, Edge will come for me, he always looks after me'. Tell you how every time I heard a noise, I was more scared that it wasn't you than of what it actually was? Tell you that every time he came into that room, I thought, for just one moment, I thought it was you coming to get me?

"Tell you how he raped me? Tell you how it felt like I was being torn apart? Tell you what it felt like? Tell you how he made me scream for him to leave me alone? Tell you how I begged for him to let you come and get me? Tell him how I begged for him not to tell you what he was doing to me, because he said you'd be so ashamed of me, and I believe him?

"What do you want to know, Eddie? Do you want to know how much he scared me? How much he told me it was all my own fault every time he raped me? Every time he pushed himself inside me, I'd scream and he'd just tell me it was my own fault. My fault. You couldn't take the blame, it was my fault. My fault!"

Edge was crying and so was Christian, but the younger didn't seem to be aware of it. Didn't seem to notice that he was finally letting someone in. Edge reached out for his brother, trying to pull the younger man into his embrace, but Christian fought him.

"No! Just go, just leave me alone!"

Edge pulled harder until Christian's head was on his shoulder. He held onto his brother tightly, and after a few moments, Christian gripped a hold of him as well, and didn't let go for a long time.

"It wasn't your fault, Christian, and I'm not ashamed of you. I'm your brother, and I love you."

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End of Part Fourteen

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