Hey guys, I know it's been ages since I updated but I'm here now, together with my muses and ready for the ultimate insanity! Also, some parts of this might be too naughty for you innocent minds. Should I bring this up to R?
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The secret files of Harry Potter's love life Part 5
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Seamus, who is not important: Wow! Lookie here Dean!
Dean, who is lame: WOW! It's HUGE! What is-hey, look it says something *picks up the pretty pink folder that Seamus found in a small box in Harry's trunk titled Harry Potter's personal stuff* I can't make it out. But I'm pretty sure it'll give us a clue as to who this belongs to!
Seamus, who is not important: No wait, I think I see it *squints* Harry Potter's Personal Life in Writing. Cool!
Dean, who is lame: =D Weeell, let's see what Harry's been keeping from us! *clears throat* September 29th, made out with Pansy Parkinson out of boredom. Wasn't satisfied. Thought about going to Malfoy, but apparently he was busy planing my demise. Took the second choice. Shagged Snape. EW! Do you really want me to continue?
Seamus, who is not important: * smirks * it'll give us blackmail material right?
Dean, who is lame: * shudders * Was fun, never thought he'd be so equipped 'down there'. McGonnagall came by and wanted to join in. After much consideration we agreed. She had a really incredible-OH MY FRILLY PINK KNICKERS, HE HAS PHOTOS!
Seamus, who is not important: * leans over Dean's shoulder * Heavens to Betsy! It's-
Unfortunately, a familiar crowd appearing that very moment interrupted Seamus…
Crowd of horny Gryffindors: Oooh! Let us see! We know what we can do with those!
Seamus, who is not important, Dean, who is lame: * glance at each other and then at the little horny Gryffindors. After a few moments of thinking thoughtfully they decided that the pictures were good for their education and that uhm, private activities were healthy. *
Creepy Creevey (formerly known as 'One particularly horny Gryffindor'): * steps out of the crowd * I have GOT TO make copies! That will be so naughty of me! Cheer everyone!
Crowd of horny Gryffindors: Yey! We are horny,
Creepy Creevey: Very bad,
Crowd of horny Gryffindors: We're not evil,
Creepy Creevey: We're not sad,
Crowd of horny Gryffindors: We are haughty,
Creepy Creevey: We are cool,
Crowd of horny Gryffindors: We are very naughty too!
Creepy Creevey, Crowd of horny Gryffindors: Goooo Naughty Gryffindors!
Meanwhile, with poor, darling Draco, Pansy and the 1,278 fan girls
Pansy Fancy: Ooh Drakey, I can see it now! A black picket fence, a fanged Doberman, monsters lurking in the gardens, I can hardly wait!
Drakey: * thinks of adding revenge on Pansy to Draco Malfoy's Ingenious Plan of Revenge, but is afraid she'd be pleased*
Ghost book: Never fear, for I am here!
Drakey: *uncertainly * RedSkyez?
Ghost book: It is I, don't ask why! Damn it, why can't I stop, rhyming things until I drop?
Fan girl 374: Because you became the ghost of a Nursery Rhymes book that's why!
Ghost book: *gasps * How dare you, you little witch, now you die, you stupid ~censored~!
Fan girl 78: That didn't rhyme!
Ghost book: Censorship sucks, just like ducks! Draco, I have come to rescue you, little buckaroo!
Drakey: *thinks * BUCKAROO?!
Pansy Fancy: I don't think so! Drakey-Poo is staying with ME! Isn't that right sweetums?
Drakey: *is torn between staying with Pansy and the fan girls or running off with a rhyming book. Tough call, eh? *
Let's jump to Albus and Ron, and see if they 'made up' yet!
Ronniekiens: ALBUSY! I-I'm getting tired! *Pants * I don't have any tea!
Bumblebore: *stops running * No…tea…?
Ronniekiens: *with a trembling lip * I just wanted us to talk again! Why do I have to do all the work in this relationship?
Bumblebore: What relationship?
Ronniekiens: Don't you use that tone with me! All you care about is YOUR needs and YOUR pleasure, while I toil and work for you, man! Can't you learn to communicate for-
Bumblebore: Mr. Weasley I-
Ronniekiens: DON'T INTERUPT ME! Haven't you done enough? It as if you don't love me anymore! Don't you remember how we met? I was sitting upon that stool with the Sorting Hat on my head and our eyes locked. We knew it was love at first sight, dude! It's the universal language! We had something so special and you just had to go and RUIN IT ALL! Well I'VE HAD IT! I will not be used anymore! And don't come crawling back when you need your laundry done, because I am THROUGH! *Stomps away angrily *
Bumblebore: …What relationship?!
Meantime…
Lucy: Oh great and powerful Masters, what kind of evil scheme do you have to rid the world of icky mudbloods?
Ghost Books: Mudbloods? Who cares about that? We're going to destroy *quietly* They-Who-Must-Not-Be-Used.
Lucy:…condoms?
Ghost Books: NO! It's They-Who-Can-Rot-Your-Brain!
Lucy:…teachers?
Ghost Books: * frustrated* THEY-WHO-ARE-TOO-LOUD-TAKE-A-LONG-TIME-TO-MOVE-ON-AND-HAVE-A-THIRST-FOR-HARD-POWER!
Lucy: OOOOH! WOMEN!
Ghost Books: Oh for Betsy's sake…
Back with HAG…
HAG: What can I do to make you stop running after me! I am really, really smart with a big brain!
The 2, 398 anti-Hermione fan guys: * consider this* …hmm…well…we say…DIE!!!!!!!!
Yep, all is find with our favorite HAG…
Hairy: *who mysteriously turned back human…* What are these photos people keep talking about?
Ronniekiens: *whines * I miss Albusy.
Hairy: I mean, what can possibly be so interesting?
Crowd of horny Gryffindors: *in the distance * OOOH! A VIRGINIA!
Ronniekiens: Those are pretty discriminating, Harry my man…Albusy would've known what to do. *Sniff *
Hairy: Right…wait a second…WHERE IS MY PINK FOLDER?!?
Dean, who is lame: Hmm? What? Don't know what you're talking about.
Seamus, who is not important: No clue. *Whistles *
Crowd of horny Gryffindors: OOOH! FRILLY PINK KNICKERS!
Hairy: *gasps *
Drakey: WHAT?!?!?!?!? *runs over and grabs knickers * THESE ARE MINE!!! *turns around extremely slowly * Potter? I wonder what my frilly pink knickers are doing in your, *pauses and reads the title of the folder* Harry Potter's Personal Life in Writing?
Creepy Creevey: Something naughty!
Hairy: I-It wasn't me! I was framed!
Drakey: Oh and I suppose the photographs of you and Grang-no wait, *turns photo sideways * that's Crabbe-were just put there?
Hairy: Oh no, those are genuine *grins * Wait till you see the ones with Dumbledore!
Dean, who is lame: Harry, you utter, utter *censored*
Ronniekiens: YOU SLEPT WITH ALBUSY????
Hairy: Calm down Ron! I meant the ones of us trying on those cute little dresses! For an old man, Dumbledore has great legs!
Ronniekiens: *wails * I know!
Drakey: * clears his throat LOUDLY* Excuse me! There is still the issue of YOU stealing MY frilly pink knickers!
Hairy: Who are you anyway, Snape?
Sevvie: I resent that statement! I am an overgrown bat!
Hairy: A very equipped overgrown bat too!
Every so suddenly, Sevvie disappears out of sight because he just didn't fit in the scene…
Drakey: POTTER!
Hairy: I didn't-it was Colin!
Creepy Creevey: Hey! All I do is take pictures of people in compromising positions, *notices glares * for HEALTHY purposes!
Hairy: LOOK! *Notices the frilly pink knickers have vanished right out of Draco's hands *
Drakey: *whimpers * All I wanted was my frilly pink knickers, *looks up, at who we don't know * WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!?
At that precise moment Pansy, the 1, 278 fan girls, and RedSkyez rush in…
Pansy Fancy: We will not let Draco be abused this way!
Ghost Book: That's right, he doesn't bite!
Pansy Fancy: Everybody, *giggle * we are on a mission! Nobody leaves this castle until Draco's frilly pink knickers are safe and sound covering his,
Ghost Book: *interrupts * We don't need all the details, you cretin!
Hairy: Well, I for one won't by that bothered by details *wiggles eyebrows *
Drakey: *Adds revenge on Harry Potter to Draco Malfoy's Ingenious Plan of Revenge for the fiftieth time* I will find the one who stole my frilly pink knickers if it's the last thing I do!
Meanwhile…
A mysterious dark figure: Muahaha, they will never find Draco's frilly pink knickers, for I the mysterious dark figure has them safely in my ---------! Muahaha!
Let's go back to visit the pink castle, shall we?
Cliffhanger: You cannot keep me here forever! * Is trapped between a few hundred books* I have the right to an attorney!
Lucy: What's an attorney? * Gaps* I said a mudblood word! *Runs to brush teeth *
Ghost Books: We are horny, very bad-wait a second…that's not our line *look at script * Oh yes, hem, hem, We will rule the world and get rid of evil COMPUTERS once and for all!
Cliffhanger: Well, humph, at least I know who stole Draco's frilly pink knickers!
All: OOOOOOOOH! TELL US!
Cliffhanger: Well it's *DUN, DUN, DUN, DUN * I forgot.
All: Aw shucks!
Cliffhanger: Well what do you expect? I was not created to remember things!
Ghost Books: *Bitterly* Then what were you created for?
Cliffhanger: :D Weeeeell:
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Tada! Naughty wasn't it? And we're one step closer to finding Draco's frilly pink knickers…and keeping them where they belong! Don't miss out on the next chapter of:
Who Really Did Steal Draco's Frilly Pink Knickers?