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Voldy Likes Pie Part 6
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Voldy: Dungeons suck! How dare those stupid books put me in here! I am the evil mastermind; I am the future ruler of all!
Tortured Muggle #1: You think it's fun for us huh?! We're the ones suffering from you're stupid maiming fetish!
Tortured Muggle #2: Yeah! It's time you took a bite of your own pie!
Voldy: Pie? I like pie! Evil geniuses deserve pie!
Tortured Muggle #3: C'mon guys, this one's a lost cause. You should know by now, evil mastermind future rulers of all don't listen to us. I mean, look at Sadam!
Tortured Muggle #2: Why? He isn't exactly what I call pretty, now that nice Spears gal on the other hand…
Voldy: *is confused*…Pie?
Meanwhile:
Pansy Fancy: * wipes forehead * Phew, I didn't think it'd be so tiring.
Ghost Book: Yeah, and doing it over and over and over…hey, is that a clover?
Hairy: * shrugs * I don't really mind, I was kind of bored anyway.
Drakey: So, NOBODY found my frilly pink knickers???
Hairy: Sorry Malfoy, * suggestively * do ya want some comforting?
Drakey: * is disturbed * Stop hitting on me Potter. Go molest Snape or something…
Hairy: Been there, done that.
Drakey: Argh! Now only are my frilly pink knickers missing but my reputation as resident sex-god of Hogwarts is at stake!
Pansy Fancy: I wouldn't be that concerned if I were you snuckums, Potter is resident pervert of Hogwarts. I think he's mostly into teachers and really ugly people. * Quietly * have you seen the Marcus Flint pictures? * Shudders *
Hairy: Hey! I can shag whomever I want! It's a free country!
Creepy Creevey: A free and naughty country! Everybody chee-* is mysteriously silenced by Frying Pan 4001, which flew out of, dum dee dum, thin air*
Ronniekiens: * is eating bonbons while watching a soap opera on TV * No Miguel! Dude, you don't understand, Marcella fell on top of Franco by accident!
Miguel: Marcella! I thought you loved me!
Marcella: No Miguel, it-it's not what it looks like!
Miguel: I might as well tell you now…Marcella, you are my long lost sister.
Franco: No! I know for a fact that the babies weren't switched at birth! Sylvia lied because she knew she'd inherit the Lopez family fortune if you weren't an only child!
Miguel: Oh my god! Marcella! Since we are not siblings, will you, will you marry me?
Marcella: Oh Miguel! Yes, yes I will!
Ronniekiens: Humph! That'd never happen in real life. I mean, wouldn't she have to think about the proposal first? Man, they don't make 'em like they used to.
Ghost Book: I realize you're annoyed and what not, but say, Miguel is quite hot!
Ronniekiens: Oh shut up. He'll never be as groovy as my man Albusy. * Sniffle *
Ghost Book: Be still my beating heart, Dumbledore is an old "fart". Hehehe, I amuse me.
Drakey: Did you just make air quotes? In a fanfiction?
Ronniekiens: Dude that's just wrong. Even more wrong than the Marcella/Franco fans. I mean come on, the dude's got 'gay' written all over him.
Drakey: And you would know this how? Oh wait the Dumbledore thing. Moving on…I still need my frilly pink knickers! People, people quit slacking off! If we're gonna find those knickers by the end of this chapter we've got to hurry!
Pansy Fancy: Drakey baby, you really have to prepare yourself for the chance that we may not ever find your frilly pink knickers.
Drakey: I refuse to accept that.
Hairy: Yeah, I mean you look perfectly fine without them. I mean, who needs clothes anyway? *Gets and idea, and takes off all of his clothes*
Pansy Fancy: Oh great, Harry Potter makes a statement.
Drakey: My eyes!
Hairy: Blinded by the hugeness that is I? *Grins* I can understand that. Recover darling, I can wait.
Drakey: *thinks* I really need to stop working out…
I really need to give HAG more lines…
HAG: You've been chasing me for the past two chapters! Don't you have anything better to do?
The 2, 398 anti-Hermione fan guys: *think thoughtfully* Hmmm, NO!
HAG: Oh for the love of all things frilly…
Meanwhile Voldy, who still likes pie, is in deep thought…
Voldy: God, what I wouldn't give for some pie…
Cliffhanger: *is brought down to the dungeons by the Ghost Books* Hey Voldemort shut up will you? Damn, I have other places to be you know but those evil Ghost Books are keeping me hostage! How will any stories survive without my awesome cliffhanging talents?
Voldy: =( All I want is some pie! Screw the evil mastermind plans of ridding the world of nasty mudbloods, I just want pie! Pie, I tell you, pie!
Cliffhanger: *shakes head* Oh brother…
Meantime, Lucius is bored…
Lucy: Bloody hell, I'm so bored. Maybe I should visit Master! Er, I mean ex-Master. *Goes down to the dungeons*
Voldy: Malfoy? You've come to save me! My hero!
Lucy: Well, actually I was bored…maybe I should get some pie…
Voldy: PIE? PIE! BRING ME PIE NOW!
Lucy: Humph, I am not your slave…well…not anymore anyway.
Cliffhanger: Oh for the love of pie!
Voldy: *struggles with chains* Must. Have. Pie! *Roars a mighty roar and the chains start breaking, in slow motion of course*
: Slow Motion:
Voldy: Muuust, Ha-ave Pieee! *Breaks chains* Free-dom!
Lucy: Noooo! *Rushes to Voldy, taking his time while his hair swishes prettily*
Cliffhanger: Thiiis is geeetting freeeeeaky.
Tortured Muggle #2: I saaaid, Briitney!
Tortured Muggle #1: Uh-uh, Saaadaaam!
Meanwhile, the search goes on….
Bumblebore: Mr. Malfoy! This behavior is inexcusable! Forcing Professors to look for your frilly pink knickers, argh kids today…And Mr. Potter put those clothes back on young man!
Hairy: Freedom of expression, sir! Oh, and for those of you watching *blushes* It's very cold in here…
Drakey: *grimaces* Potter, if you put your clothes…all of them, back on then I'll let you uh…
Hairy: *hopefully* Do naughty things to you during Potions?
Drakey: You wish! Um, well we can compromise later, just stop torturing us with…THAT. *Points to 'little Harry' who is apparently either very shy or the room temperature shot down a few degrees*
Hairy: *pouts*
Drakey: *mutters* Why am I so damn loveable?
Pansy Fancy: Aw, there are just so many reasons *tries to cuddle to him*
Ghost Book: You don't deserve hugs, get away you stupid PUG!
Pug:?
Drakey: Does the whole WORLD have to fight over me??
Hairy: You know, all your problems could be eliminate if you just let me-
Drakey: Find my frilly, pink knickers? Yes, I believe that'll work.
Nope, I just gotta torture Voldy more…
Lucy: *is fixing his hair* Man, I knew I should've used more conditioner. That slow motion always gives me split ends.
Voldy: MALFOY! You dare to worry about your hair when I'm seconds away from obliterating you…and your hair? Well, after I get some pie of course.
Lucy: *panics and fears for his hair* You will not touch the hair! *Screams an amazon war cry and kills Voldy…accidentally of course, I mean, when have we ever known Lucius to do something right? *
Voldy: *burns in quite a lovely firework show*
Lucy:…Oops…oh well, at least I get his pie *skips out*
Just at that very moment Voldy sparkles into a rather stuffy pastel colored waiting room. That's right ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Hell!
Receptionist: Hello sir, welcome to Hell, we hope our accommodations will not be suitable! Have a horrid stay! *Gives him a number*
Voldy: Wow, it's just how I imagined it.
Receptionist: Oh, we just got an opening on level 423: Evil Doers and Much Hated Sluts. Apparently a certain Spears, Britney was wailing so loud we had to kick her back to Earth!
Voldy: *goes up to level 423*
HAG: Hello sir, and welcome to-Voldemort?!
Voldy: Annoying friend of Harry Potter?! You're dead? And in Hell?
HAG: Well, the anti-fan guys finally caught up with me. Well…actually with the ice-cream truck, they just ran over me on the way there. As for Hell, well I suppose the statistic of people hating me got too high and it was most people's wishes on their death beds…Anyway, I will be your guide here in Hell.Inc until you are well aquatinted with the torture equipment. Now, I'll only get my horns if you're dissatisfied, so please let me know if you need to go to level 52: Sadists and Masochists.
Vol: Er, okay…just one question though.
HAG: Oh yes, there really is no eternal fire, it was just made up by the Big Boys for advertisement.
Voldy: Actually, I was wondering…do you serve pie?