Chapter 2: Feelings

Hikari:

"Hikari, let me explain the situation to you. As you can see, there are only six seishis here. Ta..." Hotohori began.

"Tamahome is missing, am I right? Was that why I was summoned?" I interrupted almost immediately.

Hotohori raised an eyebrow at my rude interruption but said nothing about it. "Gomen, gomen..." I apologized hurriedly, looking rather abashed. I wished I had something to just cover my mouth for once, at least until the whole meeting was over. I always had a bad habit of being a little impatient when it came to certain matters and I often ended up interrupting others. It's an annoying habit that got me into trouble more than once. But bad habits died hard, I guessed. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't seem to stop myself.

Hotohori cleared his throat. "Yes, you are right. Tamahome is indeed missing from Konan. Not by force but by will. In order to protect his village from the invading Kutou, he decided to abide by the Seiryuu seishis' condition. And that condition was..."

"Was for him to go to Kutou in exchange for the safety of his village?" I asked as my smile faltered a little. "Isn't that kind of a blackmail?"

Miaka then stood up and walked briskly over to the place where I was sitting at. She then dropped to her hands and knees, bowing down low before me, as if I was an Empress. "Onegai... I beg of you... Please help us get Tamahome back..."

"Mi... Miaka... Please rise!" I grabbed her by the shoulders, gently pulling her up.

As Miaka slowly got up to her feet, I noticed that her eyes were moist and red from trying to hold back her tears that were threatening to flow.

'Tamahome... He must be someone really important... Really special... Really... Loved...' I thought silently to myself. Somewhere, deep down inside, I was a little envious of this Tamahome, of his position in everyone else's hearts.

"Shinpai nasaru na, Miaka! I'll... No, we'll get him back somehow, okay? I promise!" I smiled reassuringly at her. I was caught totally off guard when the genki Miaka threw herself at me, giving me a big warm hug. I stiffened, a little unsure of what I was suppose to do. I didn't really experienced such a situation whereas a person was practically throwing herself at me.

Miaka finally released her grip from me, smiling. "Arigatou, Hikari..."

I just smiled back.

After that, Hotohori continued to babble some more about some stuff. I couldn't be bothered to listen. I just put on a smile on my face and pretended to be listening. My mind was somewhere else. I kept on thinking about this special Tamahome who had won the heart of the miko as well as the hug I received just now.

That hug... It was like as if Miaka was a small little child, getting comfort from her older sister. It made me feel special, wanted and loved for the first time in months...

It had been such a long time...

I snapped out of my daydreams when Chichiri shot an unsuspected question at me. I was so caught up daydreaming that I didn't even notice that the meeting was almost over.

"I've got one question before you end this meeting da!!! Hikari, how come you can change into a kid no da?" Chichiri asked. Now, everyone eyed me with interest.

I shrugged, still keeping the cheery smile on my face. "Why do you need to know?"

"Just curious." Chichiri and the others continued to look at me with interest.

"Wakanai..." I answered with a shrug. Honestly speaking, I really didn't know the truth... There's just so many things that I didn't know about myself... That was just one of them...

Ah... Everything was peaceful and serene. There were no birds chirping away, no fishes coming to the surface of the pond... Everything was simply quiet for once, a change from the previous meeting room I was in.

Just then, a slight breeze blew, causing several small ripples on the still surface of the pond. It was then that I heard the soft, almost silent footsteps approaching me from behind.

"Who's there?" I spun around. "Oh, it's you Chichiri."

"Am I bothering you?" Chichiri asked. I shook my head.

"Hikari, do you trust us da?" I didn't answer his question. I... It was hard for me to really fully trust anyone... Especially when I can't even trust myself... I quickly turned away, not wanting to face him.

A few moments of silence passed, hanging in the air like some thick fog, making the atmosphere between us much more awkward than before.

"I uh..."

"I know it's a little too soon for you to trust us fully... But I couldn't help wondering what exactly that was holding you back... You seemed so... Stiff and uncertain, back then... Well, I'm sorry to have bothered you then. I'll take my leave now, however, I want you to know, should you have any problems, I'll be there to listen, okay? You can trust me."

There was the sound of shuffling feet that slowly got softer and softer.

"Chichiri, matte!!!"

Chichiri stopped in his tracks. "Hai?"

"I was wondering, why... Why do you wear a mask? Don't you trust them?"

Chichiri stopped in his tracks.

"Nani? You...You know about the mask?" He stammered. I simply nodded.

Chichiri :

I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard her mentioning about my mask. My magic mask was a slightly sensitive issue and most common folks wouldn't have noticed anything unusual at all. Yappari... Hikari wasn't one of those 'common folks'. There was something about her... Perhaps the way she carried herself. She always seemed to be trying to control her own ki level, as if she was afraid that her ki levels would go too high and attract unwanted attention.

"Nani? You...You know about the mask?" I stammered. She simply nodded.

"The mask..." I began, removing the mask from my face to reveal the hideous scar that I tried to keep hidden for so long. "It's a long story..."

"Oh, really? I have the time."

"It's just to hide this..." I subconsciously traced the scar with my right hand. "This painful reminder of a stupid mistake..."

"Sou ka?" She still continued smiling. However, her green eyes were... Were unreadable, expressionless... Making her smile feel and look cold.

"So, you don't trust them?"

"Excuse me?"

"You don't trust the others, so is that why you wear your mask?"

I kept quiet. I've always been wearing my mask ever since the... Accident. It was just to cover my scar... Wasn't it?

"Boku wa..." I began, my throat feeling dry all of a sudden.

"Go on."

"I guess... I wear the mask constantly... Because... I wanted to hide the real me. I was afraid that people would get scared when they see this hideous scar of mine..."

"Nonsense, if they trusted you, they wouldn't be bothered about that scar or any other physical flaw. They'll trust you as Chichiri, a Suzaku seishi. But by wearing a mask, you're sort of betraying their trust by not revealing it, don't you think so?"

I bit my bottom lip lightly, choosing to remain quiet again.

'If they trust you... They'll trust you as Chichiri, a Suzaku seishi...'

Her words ran through my head over and over again.

"Chichiri? Daijoubu? Chichiri?" Hikari asked.

"Huh? Oh, daijoubu..." I answered, still too caught up in my own thoughts.

I wore my mask to hide my scar... Or was it because of fear that people would not like me, would not trust me when they saw a monster before them? But the rest of the seishis... They trusted me right? They've always confided in me, Hotohori, Tasuki, Nuriko, Tamahome, Mitsukake, Chiriko and Miaka... They trusted me fully. But the question now was, am I able to trust them fully like they trusted me?

Trust...

It was because of lack of trust too that caused the accident. I... I never trusted anyone fully have I? From then till now...

I never really did learn from my mistake, did I?

I found it a little hard to believe how someone new, almost a stranger to me, could make me begin doubt my own self.

"Gomen, I guess it was wrong of me to question you about the mask. I'll leave now." Hikari begin to walk away.

"Matte!" I placed a hand on her shoulder, stopping her.

"You're right... Perhaps... I never did trust them fully. I..."

She watched silently as I kept the mask inside my pocket instead of putting them back on.

"I should be practicing what I preach, shouldn't I?" I paused before continuing. "If I want people to trust me, I should be trusting them too..." I smiled as I looked into her eyes.

Was that... Hurt and sorrow that I saw in her eyes? Or regret? I couldn't decide.

Hikari quickly turned away when she realised that I was staring at her.

"Chichiri! Hikari! I want to talk," an approaching Miaka stopped dead in her tracks.

"Chichiri?" Miaka asked, confused as to why I would be so trusting as to reveal my scar to Hikari, someone I just met.

"Chichiri, oh my gosh, Chichiri, what... What happened?"

"Miaka, do you still trust me even if I show you this scar?" I questioned. Deep down, I dreaded to hear the answer. It was going to be a bad reply... I could predict it. I should just go back to wearing my mask.

I sighed when Miaka didn't answer after a few seconds. I reached into my pocket for my mask but Hikari grabbed my wrist tightly, refusing to let go. She smiled and shook her head, as if telling me to wait for Miaka's response before doing anything.

"Chichiri... Anou... How do I put this in words... You know what? I've always trusted you, it was just that sometimes, I wished I knew what was going on from underneath that mask of yours. I never seemed to know... It was like as if you were trying to hide from us... But now, since you've taken off your mask, it's easier to read your expressions. It's like... I'm not really good with words so I'll just say it the best I can. It's easier to actually have a heart to heart talk with you if you take off your mask, that way, I can be sure that you are listening, not daydreaming..." Miaka smiled goofily. "Still, no matter what, I'll always trust you, Chichiri."

"Sou ka... What you're trying to say is, you rather trust someone who shows his real face instead of someone who wears a mask, right?"

Miaka nodded vigorously.

"Arigatou..."

"I'll just meet you guys in the shrine later okay?" Miaka skipped off, leaving Hikari and I alone.

"Hikari?"

"Hai?"

"Arigatou..."

Hikari :

"Why the fuck do we have to do this anyway?" Tasuki complained loudly. As soon as he finished his sentence, everyone gave him a 'shut-up-you-big-fat-ass' look.

The heavy red metal doors swung open. Miaka stepped in, confident that everything would go as planned.

"Eh? Miaka? I thought you said that you wanted to freshen up for Tamahome! How come you still look the same? Don't you want to put on anything special? Make-up perhaps?" Nuriko asked, confused.

"Nuriko, of course, I'll have to look the same! So that Tamahome will be able to recognize me, duh! What do you expect me to wear? Bikini?" Miaka was clearly irritated.

"Duh? Bikini?" Nuriko looked at Miaka for answers.

"Bikini is a .. Oh, never mind," She turned around to face me, Chichiri and Tasuki, who stood near the Suzaku statue. "Let's go!"

I looked at Chichiri. He didn't wear his mask anymore, ever since our little talk.

"Everyone? Remember the plan? While the four of us go and rescue Tamahome, Hotohori..." I began, when Hotohori answered.

"Don't worry. I have my sword here."

"Nuriko."

"I punch them dead if they appear!"

I looked at Mitsukake.

"I have my medical supplies here". He pointed at the brown leather bag beside his feet, which was filled with medical supplies.

"And you, Chiriko?" I stressed his name. Amiboshi gulped.

His grip on his flute became tighter. "I'll play my flute the moment you want to come back." Amiboshi played a very important role. His job was to help teleport us back after the mission. But, that wasn't the real reason. I asked him to play his flute because I was using his Seiryuu powers to protect us. When he played, it would create a shield around each and everyone of us, and if any Seiryuu seishi tries to blast us, the attack will be absorbed by Amiboshi's music. However, it wouldn't protect us against any form of physical attack.

I stood in front of the Suzaku statue. I cleared my mind of everything as I concentrated. I outstretched my right palm and summoned a ball of ki. The ki in my palm grew bigger and bigger. Finally, it attached itself to the base of Suzaku's statue. The portal was open.

Author's note: And the prize goes to Metajoker!!! Yes!!! I've won Fushigi Yuugi!!! Huh? What? Oh, drat. it's just me and my stupid daydreams again. Gosh, I hate this part. Sobs I don't own Fushigi Yuugi!!!! There!!!!!! You happy now?! Another cliffhanger!!!! Hey, I'm getting pretty good at this. Finally, second chapter completed. Hurray!!!

List of Japanese words :

Nani – What

Boku wa – I (Used by males only. Polite)

Daijoubu – I'm fine.

Shinpai nasaru na – Don't worry, please

Sou ka – Is that so

Yappari – I knew it.

Anou – Uh

Hai – Yes

Onegai –Please

Wakanai – I don't know

Arigatou – Thank you

Matte – Wait

Genki - Energetic