Chapter 3: Hell

Milly's POV

Time unknown

This isn't our house. Where's Knives? What am I doing here? I didn't drink that much…did I? No, I – I didn't drink at all last night.

Then why can't I remember anything?

Where am I? What's going on?

Steady, Milly, don't panic. Remember what Daddy always said: "if you're lost, look around you. Observe and you'll find your way out."

Right. Okay. Look around. Take charge of your surroundings.

I'm sitting in a black wingbacked leather chair, in a room surrounded by bright-red curtains. If there are walls, they're behind the curtains.

Okay, good start. What else?

The room has a tiled floor. The tiles are a zigzag black-and-white pattern. There's a couch opposite from me, with a chair next to it. Chair and couch are apparently made from the same black leather material. There's a pedestal in the corner, with a white marble statue of a nude lady with her hands protecting her modesty. Two floor lamps stand on either side of the pedestal. Other than that, the room is bare.

But that still doesn't answer where I am.

Yyyyyyoooooouuuu aaaaaaarrrrrrreeee nnnnoooowwwwhhheeeerrrreee…..

…who said that?

"Who's there? Where are you?"

IIIIIII aaaaammmm nnnnoooowwwhhhheeeerrrrreeee…

"Who are you?"

IIIIIII aaaammmm nnnnooooo ooooonnnneeee…

"You have to be somebody!"

IIIIIII aaaammmm nnnnooooo ooooonnnneeee…

"If you're no one, how can you talk?"

Thhhhhaaaaatt iiiisssss wwwwhhhhhhaaaaaattt IIIII wwwwaaassss maaaadddeee ffffffoooooorrr…

"What do you mean 'made for'?"

IIII aaammmm buuuuutttt aaaaa mmmmoooouuuuuttthhhhpiiieeeccceeee… aannnd aaa guuuuaaaarrrrrdiiiiaaaaannnnn…

"For what?"

Aaaaaa grrrreeeaaattteeerr pooooowwwwweeeeerrrrr…

"Well, can I see you? Can you at least show yourself?"

Yyyyyyyyeeeeeessssss…

The shadow of something big flutters across the floor, and I look up. There's nothing. There isn't even a light source up there. There's only the ceiling.

Then what's casting the shadow?

I look down and see the curtain aside from me rustle. A person walks out of it, and I start up in surprise. I don't know what I was expecting, but it sure as hell wasn't a dwarf in a red dinner jacket. And he's not really walking. He's…dancing, only he's kind of walking at the same time.

He dances over to the couch, sits down, looks at me, and smiles.

"Let's rock!" he says.

His voice sounds strange. Like he was talking in some dialect, only it's not one I've ever heard before. And it's not the same one I heard talking just now.

"Just because I have two voices doesn't mean I am not the same person."

Wha?

"Did you just read my mind?"

He smiles and shrugs. "Maybe I did."

"But – where am I? How did I get here?"

"I told you. You are nowhere. As for how you got here, you were led off the path by a false friend."

"False friend?"

"You don't remember? Oh, of course you don't. He doesn't work that way."

"He? He who?"

"One moment."

He rubs his hands together, smiles, and another shadow passes by. I look up again. I still don't see what's causing it.

"Don't worry about it," the little man says. "Just a tourist."

He stops rubbing, and suddenly the memories flood back. Last night. This morning. Vash at the door. Pain.

"So you remember. But that is all I can tell you now. The rest you must find for yourself."

He hops off the couch, and dances to the curtain.

"Wait," I call, "who are you?"

He turns around and looks at me, still smiling.

"Just your average little man from another place."

Then he turns back around and leaves.

I get up from the chair and walk over to the curtain where he disappeared. I push it aside and find a small hallway, flanked on either side by the same red curtains. I walk down it for a while, and then come to a dead end. Does this curtain lead to another room?

Yep. Sure does.

In fact, this is exactly the same as the room I was in before. I haven't been walking in circles, have I? No, I've been following a pretty straight line.

Haven't I?

Yes, I have. This is another room, only it's decorated the same way as the other one.

I pass through it and walk down another hallway, which stops at another dead end.

Another room, just like before.

This is getting kinda creepy.

I walk to the left curtain, then go down that hallway.

Same room.

Okay, Milly, calm down. Just caaaaaaaalm down. There's no way this is the same room. That's just silly.

Look, I'll even prove it to you.

I walk over to the marble statue, push it over onto the floor, and step back as the shards fly past my feet.

Ah, well. There's more where that came from. At least three more.

I open the right curtain, go down the hall and into another room.

Yep. Statue's still there.

I grin smugly as something crunches under my feet. I look down.

No. That's not possible.

There's a broken statue on the floor.

But there's another where the first one stood.

Did the pedestal just grow another one or something?

I shove that one off and it shatters alongside its mate.

I run through the drape, across the hall, and into another room.

Three statues. Two on the floor, one not.

All right, Milly, you may now commence panicking.

"Where in hell am I?!!"

"You just answered your own question."

Very slowly I turn around…and my eyes widen in shock as my legs give way.

No.

It can't be.

It's impossible.

There's just no way.

"M…Mr. Priest?"

"Huh. So I'm down to 'Mr. Priest' level, eh? What happened to 'Nicholas'?"

I can't speak.

I can't think.

I can't even move.

He looks just like he did when he left. Even his hair's the same length.

"But, but…you're dead."

"Yeah, I guess I am. Why else would I be here?"

"You know where 'Here' is?"

"You mean you don't? Guess I'm lucky. I get to officially welcome you to hell."

…what?

"Hell, Milly. What part didn't you get?"

"Is…is something wrong?"

"You bet there's something wrong, baby."

He steps closer. His eyes seem to glare from behind his sunglasses.

"You're what's wrong."

"What?!"

He sneers.

"Don't pretend you don't know, you double-crossing, backstabbing, crab-cunted little whore!"

I can't believe what I just heard. Why did he just say that?

"You remember that night, don't you? Before I went to fight Chapel? When I asked you to stay with me and you did? I remember, but I guess you don't. You said you loved me, remember? Or was that just pillow talk?"

He looms over me.

"I guess it was. Otherwise, why would you fuck the man who killed me?!"

"No! No, that's not true! I never-"

"Chapel didn't kill me, you bitch! It was KNIVES! But I guess you didn't know that! I guess all you could think about was how much of a stud he is!"

This is not happening. This can't be happening! This has to be a nightmare!

"Well, it isn't!" he shouts as his palm connects with my cheek and sends me flying across the room. I land on the couch and send it toppling over and I hear him stomping towards me.

"Please…I'm sorry…"

"It's far too late for that now, dear!"

He grabs me and spins me around, and I almost scream when I see his face: It's unrecognizable, contorted into a mask of pure rage.

"What are you going to do?"

"Well, for starters, I'm going to have what's mine!" he screams as his hand finds my blouse and rips it open.

No! Anything but that!

I thrash and thrash but I can't get free. His grip is like iron and he won't stop!

"Please!" I plead as he rips the last of my clothes off. "Stop! Don't do this!"

His sunglasses fall off and I see his eyes and they're white and I'm shouting but no one seems to hear and I can't move and and oh God no please don't do this Nick!

"Why not?! The way I see it, YOU OWE ME THIS!!"

Later

I come to with a jolt and look around but I'm alone in the red room.

Memories of what just happened flood my mind like grains of sand in a storm: countless numbers of them, each fiery and wounding.

The tears I've been holding back ever since I woke up in this nightmarish red-lined maze finally burst free and I curl up in a fetal position, squeeze my eyes shut, and cry, cry, cry.

Not all of my tears are about my violation. I don't know what that was, but it wasn't really Nicholas. No matter what I did, in this world or the next one, he would still love me. He told me so himself.

But what he said hurt me worse, because maybe he's right. Did I desecrate Nick's memory because of…

I don't know what happened between me and Knives last night. I mean, I know what happened, but I don't know why.

No, that's not true. I do know why, or at least part of it.

I did it because I wanted to help him. Maybe I was mistaken, but under all his rage and sullenness I saw a scared, broken, lonely man who just wanted someone to be with him. Someone to accept him.

Someone to love him.

And maybe I was right. Last night, I felt like he was letting out all the pent-up feelings that decades of isolation had gouged into his psyche.

And even though he tried to pretend as though nothing happened, this morning I could see in his eyes that he was the most content (I wouldn't say happy) he had been in a long time.

I wonder where he is right now. Is he looking for me? Has he gone to Vash and Meryl?

Or does he even care?

I open my eyes.

No. He does care about me. He's shown it, in his own wa-

Wait.

My clothes are on.

Undamaged.

No sign of tearing, or even ruffling.

Does-

Does that mean-

Does that mean what just happened…didn't?

No, it-

Stop.

Think, Milly. Observe.

Obviously, whatever force is behind this can mess with my mind, as well as read it. The little man proved that when he restored my memory. And if he was just a servant of a "greater power", which could theoretically shape my memory and perceptions any way it wants.

Which means the rape was all in my mind.

Which means this "greater power" doesn't really have any power.

Which means…

I think I know how to get out of here. It's a crazy plan, but I think it just might work.

I get up and wipe the tears from my face.

Big girls don't cry.

Big girls get even.