Sorry that took so long; originally this and Chapter 8 were all one chapter, but I cut it in half for length reasons. Ch.8 should be up sometime in the next week, unless Comcast decides to revoke my internet access for no good reason (again).

Disclaimer: I do not own Trigun, Twin Peaks, or the Cthulhu Mythos of H.P. Lovecraft. I just inform others of the Great Old Ones so that their unchaining may be hastened. J

Chapter 7: Possession

Knives' POV

where am I

why is it so dark

why can't I see anything

why is it so cold

so cold so cold so c o l d

I'm numb I can't feel anything

my hands my legs my head all is numb

wait I see light

gotta get to it where there's light there's warmth rem said so

she was never wrong

no never

I'm getting closer it's getting brighter and warmer and

I can feel again so cold let me in to the light

it's all coming from a person

who is it I can't see it's too bright

no no I can see it's

it's

…Milly?

- Knives?

Milly is that really you

­- Yes. Of course it is. How did you get here?

I don't know but where am I

- You're with me.

where are we

- I don't know.

you don't?

- No.

we're nowhere

- That's not true, Knives.

what?

- There's no such thing as nowhere

there isn't?

- No.

but…but why not?

- Because everything has to be somewhere.

please help me

- What?

help me

- Knives, you're fading.

no no milly please

- Knives?

please don't go

- I can't hear you

Milly

- …

Milly?

- …

no no please no

Milly please come back

come back please bring back the light

bring back the warmth

please…

please…no…

…no…

- Hello.

no no no no oh dear god no

not you not you oh dear god please

NOT YOU

­- Yes, it's me.

no not again never again I'm done

- You're never done, Knives

yes I am I'm done I'm never following you again do you hear me NEVER

- Ha, ha, ha, ha. You always could make me laugh.

it's true I don't have to do what you tell me anymore

- You stupid boy. Do you honestly think that you can escape me? That you can escape your birthright?

it's NOT my birthright you bastard you murdering motherfucking BASTARD

- What a foul mouth. I simply can't have you talk like that. Especially not to me.

where's Milly what have you done to her bring her back

- Don't worry about her. She's safe. I'd be more worried about you.

ha what do you think you can do to me

- I can do plenty

no you can't I'm not under your control anymore

- Oh, but you are. You've just wandered away for a little while. But, I can fix that.

you come any closer and I will-

- Stupid.

NYEEEEEEEAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH MY HAND OH JESUS MY HAND

- How about now, you disrespectful little whelp?

nh nh nuh NO NEVER AGAIN

- As you wish.

EEEEEYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH

- Come to your senses yet?

nrg nooo no I am not your puppet I am not an animal I AM A MAN

- So be it…man.

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGHHH PLEASE MAKE IT STOP

- Ah, but you LIKE the pain, don't you, you piece of shit.

sob gnf nh sob nh-nuh-no-ho-ho-huh-hoooooo

- SHUT UP! You know I can rip that insolent little mouth right off your face, don't you?

hk huh kaff kaff yes hk

- What was that?

YES

- So you have come to see the truth yet?

NEVER

- Sigh…very well. I can see you need some time to think.

--knives--

- But in the meanwhile–

--knives--

- your hand–

--knives--

- now belongs to–

------------

October 29, 6:23 PM

"…me."

"What?"

"I said I think he can hear me."

"Are you sure, Vash?"

"Let me try one more time. KNIVES!"

My eyes blast open the darkness immediately vanishes.

"Knives, it's okay! It's okay! You're safe!"

I look around. I'm not in my house. I'm in the bed in Vash's guest room.

"Where…where am I? What happened?"

"We found you in your house and when you saw us you fainted. We brought you back to our place."

I try to lift my wounded hand, but I can't. I try again, but nothing happens. Again I lift, but still nothing happens. I look at Vash and mentally ask him why I can't move.

He doesn't respond. Instead, he pulls the covers back about to my waist and I look down.

I'm strapped to the bed.

My puzzlement increases tenfold and again I look to my brother.

"I'm sorry, Knives, but we had to," Vash says, genuine sadness in his unhurt eye.

"But…but…"

"Well, Knives," Meryl says, "when you chainsaw a man open, wrap his guts around his head and crucify him upside-down, you aren't going to exactly receive star treatment."

"What?"

"Mike. You killed him. No, I take that back; you butchered him."

"No…"

"He was trying to help us, you miserable bastard! Why did you kill him? Was it because you didn't like what he told you?"

She grabs me by the throat and forces my eyes to meet hers.

"Well, if I had any doubts before about what he said, what you just did proves it. You are a fucking hellspawn."

"But I didn't-"

"LIAR!"

"I did no such thing!" Anger creeps into my voice.

"Do you honestly expect us to believe that? We saw you! The chainsaw was in your hand! His blood was all over you!"

"I know that, BUT I DIDN"T DO IT!" I roar into her face. She shrinks back, either at my voice or at the fury in my eyes. It takes effort, but I calm myself. "What I mean is that I wasn't in control of my body when I did it. Something else was." She looks at me dubiously. "Goddamit woman, don't you understand?! There's someone in my head but it's not ME!"

She rolls her eyes. "Oh, please. Now you're copping the 'devil-made-me-do-it' plea? Or for you is it 'my-dad-made-me-do-it'? For the love of God, Knives…"

"He's telling the truth, Meryl."

Vash's voice is quiet and unobtrusive, but it quiets the raging woman instantly.

"What did you just say?"

"He's telling the truth."

Meryl stops, the anger leaving her face. She believes him. She believes me.

And then the anger returns anew, so fast that you could barely tell it was gone.

"Well, then, I guess there's no reason why we shouldn't tell him, is there?"

"Tell me what?"

Vash turns his head so that his remaining eye faces me, and I see uncertainty in it.

"Knives…there's, uh…there's something you should know."

He unstraps my wounded hand. I lift it and stretch, and it dawns on me that it's unusually heavy. I look at it and I feel my entire body go cold.

My hand has disappeared. In its place is a large, misshapen knob of flesh and bone from which protrudes the steel blade of the chainsaw.

"What…how…"

"Well, Knives," Meryl says, "first of all, you had a death grip on the saw and we didn't want to get it out by force for risk of hurting your arm even more. Then, about three minutes ago, about half a dozen tentacles burst out of your mangled flesh and wrapped themselves around the saw. A few seconds later, another wave of blood-soaked ungues popped out and a few seconds later they somehow all grew together. And the results are plain to see."

I look at my mutated limb in shock. Then I look up to the sky. I know who did this.

"You bastard," I croak out. "Oh, you dirty…bastard! Give me back my hand! GIVE ME BACK MY HAND!"

-----------------

Vash's POV

6:34 PM

All the lights are off, and the dwindling daylight peeking in through the gap in the curtains elongates the shadows to grotesque proportions. Knives sits upright in the bed in a fetal position, chin resting on knees, deeply lost in thought. He said he needed to tell me something – me and me alone, so Meryl left the room and I unstrapped him. I was about to ask him why he's telling me this vocally rather than mentally when the reason hit me: by giving voice to whatever this was, he was convincing himself as well as me.

Vis a vis, it's gotta be really big.

Finally he looks up and his eyes lock onto mine.

"I loved her, Vash. I loved Rem."

"I know, Knives. I did too."

"No." He shakes his head, his eyes never leaving mine. "No, you loved her as a mother. I…I loved her…" He looks down.

"I loved her. As a person. The same way you love Meryl."

"You…oh my god…" I suddenly feel the bottom my heart drop out and I shake my head as this latest revelation sinks in fully.

"I know. I never told you. Hell, I never told myself. I was too afraid."

"Afraid?"

"Yes. I was afraid. I don't know why, but the mere idea of telling her how I felt would fill me with unexplainable dread. No, I knew actions spoke louder than words, and I vowed to do something that would make her love me back. I would stay up at night and make up ways about how I would profess my love through my deeds, each one more improbable than the last, and I began to despair about how I would ever do what my heart so fervently told me. Then came that day in the hydroponics bay. The day the butterfly was in the spider's web"

He looks up again.

"When I saw the spider closing down on the defenseless beauty I knew my time had come. To me, I could do something that was simple, yet heroic enough to let her know I loved beauty, and that I loved her. Well, you know how that played out."

He chuckles humorlessly.

"I expected her to congratulate me, but when she took your side I felt as though the world had ended. When she took your side I knew she would never love me, truly love me.

"I ran back to my quarters, and on the way I ran into Steve, who proceeded to wail on me and call me a worthless freak. Finally, I made it back to my quarters, flopped down on the bed and cried my broken heart out. I cried and cried and cried and…and I guess I cried myself to sleep, because what happened next I thought to be a dream.

"I heard a voice ask me what was wrong. I looked up, and there was a man standing in the middle of the room. He was tall, had long grey hair, and wore a t-shirt and jeans. I remember those clothes because I thought that it was kind of weird, that he wasn't wearing a SEEDS jumpsuit like everyone else. He had a very kind voice, and his laugh was like music; his whole demeanor was fatherly. He asked me again what was wrong, and I told him that nobody loved me, and he laughed. He sat down on the bed next to me, and I asked him who he was. He said his name was Bob, and that he was going to be my friend, if that was okay with me. Needless to say, at that point I was very happy to just have someone to talk to and I said okay. I told him about my problems, and he said he could help me; after all, isn't that what friends were for? He said he could make me and my powers stronger, all he needed to do was get in my head and tweak things a bit – the only caveat was, he would be in control. Keep in mind, I was desperate at this time, so naturally, I gave him the go-ahead. I let him in and sold my fucking soul."

I have a feeling I knew where this was going.

"He started controlling me and my mental powers very subtly. It started out innocently enough; tripping people with my mind, making Rowan forget where he put his glasses – you know, silly things. It was kinda amusing, seeing myself doing these things, but unable to do anything about it. Almost like an out-of-body experience, actually.

"Then, one day, the kid gloves came off completely. He popped up and asked me if I would like it if Steve was gone forever. I agreed. All of a sudden, I couldn't move, couldn't see, couldn't make a sound, couldn't even think. All I could do was feel. I felt my entire body go freezing cold in a second; felt my eyes boil in my head; felt sharp, hard fingers dig into my brain and squeeeeeeeze. Then my eyes opened again, and I saw myself walking down the hall and stopping at the door to Mary and Rowan's room. I saw myself looking inside and telling the two that I had a plan for getting rid of Steve. I heard myself telling her to say he raped her. Only it wasn't me doing any of these things: it was Bob.

"When Steve was on trial, I felt Bob using my mental powers to convince Captain Joey that Steve was guilty. Later, I felt him using them to make Rowan kill Steve and Mary. Finally, I…I saw him make me kill Joey and program the ships to crash. When the escape pod doors closed and Rem told you to take care of me, I screamed at Bob. I railed against him in my mind as I saw him making me laugh. I pummeled him mentally when I saw myself beating you up. And finally I laughed when I saw the other ships landing safely. And then he plunged me into the greatest amount of pain anyone can be in and still survive. It felt as though every bone in my body was being crushed, my every internal organ pierced and lit on fire, every inch of my flesh ripped open and violated. Finally, my mind blacked out. When I woke up, we were on this desolate wreck of a planet, walking across the desert away from the ship.

"For the next few years, not much happened. When Bob realized he could not utilize my plant power directly, he had me return to the ship and gave me back control of my body – but only if I found a way to gain access to my inherent power. Otherwise, he'd torture me again the same way he did that day on the escape pod. I wanted to tell you everything, but eventually I realized I had no choice in the matter. So, over the course of a year, I made our guns.

"And, over the course of that year, something snapped in my mind. The humans have a name for it: Stockholm syndrome, wherein a hostage begins to identify with and grow sympathetic to his captor. By the end of that year, I to view what he wanted me to do as a noble quest. But I misinterpreted his mission: he said he needed me to set free our power, which I took to mean free all the plants."

He looks up at me again.

"You're probably wondering how I arrived from that to killing all humans. I figured, Rem didn't love me, Steve hated me, Rowan, Mary and Joey just sort of ignored me, and since they were the only humans I really knew, they represented their entire race. Therefore, no humans cared about me, and they could all just die as far as I cared. And when they were all out of the way, I could free our brethren and create a new Eden. Well, my shattered little mind kept remembering that day with the spider, when this whole ordeal started, and wove that into my 'holy mission'. And I guess Bob, or Ithaqua as I understand is his true name, was content in what he had wrought, as I never felt him in my mind after that. Until today, that is."

He chuckles blackly again.

"Well, I went about my mission, even after you shot me and blew up July in the process. But every night I had the same dream: I'd be standing in a room with red curtains, and Rem would be sitting in front of me. She's crying, and I'd tell her she isn't real. I'd pull out my gun and shoot her, and then I would wake up. Every night, for over a hundred years, I had this dream. Until that epic little gunfight we had last year. Since then, I haven't had it. At first I wasn't sure why, but finally I figured it out."

He smiles; the first genuine smile I've seen him wear in a very, very long time.

"It was Milly. She's so much like Rem, Vash. She's so kind and pure and gentle and fearless and smart." He laughs; again, genuinely. "Oh, God, her intellect. It amazed me, when I realized how bright she really is. She's so much smarter than she lets on."

I smile and nod. She is that, all right.

His smile disappears. "Being around her reminded me of the life I led back on the ship. I had a lot of time to think, and eventually I began thinking of Rem. The more I thought about her, the more I thought of the life I'd been living as a murderer, and eventually I realized I was killing people just because of Steve's hatred and Bob's lies. Finally I decided those two didn't deserve the recognition I was giving them by living the life I was living, and I decided to stop, to start over again with a clean slate.

"I discovered all that just because of Milly. Just because of her care for me. And I honestly thought my dark days were behind me, But now…" he looks down at the twisted, fleshy saw that protrudes from his wrist. "Now, Bob's come back and I honestly don't know if I can hold him off for much longer. So if…if I start to lose control again, Vash, please do one thing for me."

He looks up at me.

"Kill me."

I feel my entire body go cold and my heart drops into my stomach. Did…did he just say what I think he did?

"I don't want you to be hurt, Vash. But you're going to have to promise me you'll kill me if I lose it again."

I shake my head. "Knives, I…I can't."

"Please, Vash. For me. For everyone."

He looks up at me again, and intense sadness burns in his eyes. His remaining hand finds mine and squeezes it. I shut my unhurt eye and I feel hot tears pour from it and course down my cheek.

"Please," he whispers.

Very reluctantly, I nod my head.

He smiles sadly. "Thank you." He lets go of my hand and lays back down. "I think I need to rest now. Sleep is the only time I'm truly safe from him."

I nod mutely, stand up, and walk to the door. I grip the doorknob and turn around, and in the last rays of the sun I can see my brother lying on his back, asleep already. Yeah, he was tired. And why shouldn't he be? Aside from everything he's been through today, he just completely poured his secret heart out to me.

I open the door and step out into the hallway. Next to the door, I see Meryl standing there, her hands clamped over her mouth and tears brimming in her eyes. I don't need to ask why: I know she heard everything. But I'm not mad at her for eavesdropping; I know she doesn't blame him now. I lay my hand on her shoulder, and we walk into the kitchen as the suns dip down over the horizon and the second moon rises.