1713 ZULU
ROBERTS RESIDENCE
FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA
"Hey there." I'm currently sitting on the couch at Bud and Harriet's house. I've only recently gotten back from my little adventure over North Korea and I've been promised at least the next week off. Harriet has little James in her arms and she bringing him over for me to see him.
"Here he is."
"He's gotten so big." I've seen pictures of him when he was born. He was just a little tyke. This is the first time I've seen him in person. Looking closer, I can see he takes after Harriet more than Bud. "I think he's more of his mother's son."
Harriet smiles at me, "There's a lot of my dad in James."
"Well that's good stock to come from." Harriet beams at me. Roland Sims is a good and honorable man. James would do well to follow his example rather than his other grandfather, who is probably the biggest and loudest pompous ass in the country.
"Would you like to hold him Harm?" I'm glad she doesn't call me sir. Although to be honest, I don't mind being called Commander at work.
"Absolutely." Harriet transfers him over to me, James fusses a bit, but then he settles back down, wrapping his tiny little fingers around one of mine. If this were my son, I think my shirt would be busting at the seams around my chest with pride. I have a feeling that I'd be the typical, brand new daddy. Proud as hell of his kids and not afraid to show it. Its a reality I'd like to wake up to sooner than later. Harriet settles on the couch next to me as I glance over at her. "So Kirk, huh?"
Harriet rolls her eyes, "Yeah, don't me started on that either".
"I'm just surprised Bud was able sneak that past you."
"It wasn't hard, after he showed me what the name meant I went along with it. I never put the two together."
"Why not give him Mikey's name?" Mikey is James' Godfather. I assumed they were going to use his name as a middle name for James like they did with me for little A.J. I was honored tremendously that they chose Harmon for his middle name.
"Well, I got to pick A.J's middle name, we both picked Sarah's, I figured I'd let him have this one on his own."
I held him for another twenty minutes or so before Harriet fed him and laid him down for a nap. "Would you like something to eat Harm"?
This woman's got enough things to do without her feeding me on top of it. "Oh Harriet that not necessary."
"Really? Cause I've got all this roast beef from last night that's never going to get eaten. Besides I heard your stomach rumble when I came back." I look down at my gut briefly, traitor. Gave Harriet all the opportunity she needed to mother me as well.
"Alright, but I want you to sit down and let me take care of it."
Harriet smiles back at me. I take it Bud doesn't do this too often if ever for her. "Okay." Pulling the roast beef out I only glance at it before setting it down and looking for the green beans Harriet claimed were in here too. I'm not the biggest fan of eating red meat. I prefer chicken and fish above anything else, but I sure as hell won't turn this down either.
"Plates, plates..."
"Second door to your right." Harriet points out for me.
"You don't mind if we use the fine china do you?" I ask holding up two paper plates.
"Well they aren't there for decoration." It doesn't take me long to have everything ready to go. I'm handy in the kitchen, I can cook a lot of things, and I'm not afraid to experiment with baking either. I know women love that about me. Every woman I've ever dated has told me so. Diane, Annie and Jordan were by far the most impressed. Looking at Harriet, its easy to see why. If Bud could make even one meal a week, it would take a lot of strain off Harriet. Women already have enough to do as it is. They're moms, wives, and working women. They're expected to keep the house in order; the kids cared for and have a career of their own on top of it. I don't know how mom ever managed to do it all.
"What do you want to drink?"
"A beer sounds good." At my surprised look Harriet continues, "Harm I haven't had a beer in ten months and I know there's a couple in the fridge."
"I didn't say anything."
"You were thinking it." Okay maybe I was. Last time I saw Harriet she was a big as a house. Proof of how much time has gone by since I was booted out of JAG.
"You're going to make a wonderful husband someday."
"You think so?" I ask, handing Harriet her plate. I'm a bit shocked, no one's ever told me that before. Though I've kinda wondered about it on occasion.
"Yeah I do."
Grabbing my plate and my own beer I sit down next to her on the kitchen island. "What makes you so sure?"
Harriet smiles at me, "You're good with kids. You can cook and your apartment tells me that you like things clean and orderly."
That's nice, but I knew all that already. "Harriet all that says is that I could run a day care center or a restaurant."
"I wasn't finished yet. You have a great butt and you know how to kiss a woman too." Now I can feel the intense amount of blood rushing to my cheeks. I can't think of a response to anything she's just told me. Yeah we kissed on her wedding day, but... this...this is Harriet telling me these things! And now she's laughing at me. "Did that embarrass you Harm."
"A little. I didn't think you noticed, um... those things about me."
"I'm married not dead Harm. Every woman notices those things about you." So, Carolyn and Tracy... are you an idiot Rabb? Of course Carolyn noticed those things. She made it a point to stare at my ass in the Admiral's office and whenever she could afterwards. And I'm not entirely sure Manetti draped in towel in my hotel room in Venice was an accident either. I guess the only one left to wonder about is Meg and... well, we flirted often enough that I'm sure she did too.
I cock an eyebrow at her, "Even after one kiss?"
"That's all I needed." Hmm, its too bad others weren't that perceptive of me in the past.
"Sir what are you doing here?" Nice to see you too Bud. Harriet and I finished eating about an hour ago. James hasn't woken up yet and Bud is walking through the door. He's obviously eating lunch at home these days. I haven't seen him since I joined up with the CIA and right now, I'm going to have some fun with him.
"I'm trying to get Harriet to run away with me." Good, now I've got Harriet blushing and Bud's looking at me as if he's trying to decide if I'm serious or not. Come on Bud, would I really tell you if that was my intention.
Bud smiles, "Hands off, you've got your own wife". Oh, well played Bud. Bud walks over and shakes my hand.
"Yes how is Ms. Gale, or is it Mrs. Rabb now?" Wonderful, now Harriet's got a new topic to grill me about.
"Its Gale thank you, and I haven't seen her in about four months, so I don't really know. I would think she's doing fine." That's not entirely true. We've called each other a few times. After we went to visit her mother in the hospital, we went out to dinner, then to my place and eventually we ended up in bed. Those wedding bands, the whole act of being married really turned us... and right now is not the time to discuss my love life. I need to steer the conversation elsewhere. "So Bud, I hear Mac gift wrapped your last big case for you." That was incredible, how can she... never mind. I guess I'm still not completely over the Admiral showing me the door and keeping Mac. Especially after I heard what she did. She keeps this up and she won't have to worry about making Colonel either.
Bud sits down on the other side of me with a glass of orange juice in his hand. "I guess so sir."
"It's Harm Bud, and why do you sound so sorry about that."
"I didn't want Colonel MacKenzie to get in trouble like that."
"You were doing your job Bud, it's not your fault that she screwed up."
"I know, I just wish I could've gotten the guilty verdict without hurting the Colonel's career." Bud's crazy, the judge would've dismissed the case without that evidence coming to the court's attention. Now a traitor of the United States is in Leavenworth for the rest of her life. Mac should thank her lucky stars she didn't receive the death penalty. Admiral LaPort would've had her ass if his daughter had been scheduled for execution.
"So what's going on at JAG Bud?"
"I'm sure with your security clearance you know more than I do sir."
"Yes, but that doesn't tell me what's going on outside the courtroom."
Bud's debating if he should when Harriet jumps in. "Come on Bud, its been two months since I've been there either."
"Well Commander Turner is struggling to fill JAG's basketball team for this season. After you and Tiner left there's only three guys besides him who are interested in playing."
I'm going to miss those games. "I'll have to stop by his place and say hi."
"And the Admiral still hasn't set a date for his wedding." There's an event I won't be attending. "You are planning to go aren't you sir?" Bud you're insane. Unless the Admiral begged me to come, which isn't going to happen, all the king's horses couldn't drag me there.
"I don't think so Bud. Not after the way he threw me out of there. Besides I doubt he'll be sending me an invitation anyway."
"So what's it like working at the CIA sir?" I was wondering how long he'd go before asking me that.
"CIA? I don't work for the CIA." One of our security personnel told me about Bud's persistent calls to Langley trying to reach me. "And don't even start asking about aliens and UFO's." Harriet's doing her best not to laugh and trying to hide it from Bud as well.
Bud shakes his head grinning, "Of course you don't sir, and I won't". Bud's laugh dies quickly, he wants to ask me something, but he's hesitating... I know what he's about to ask. "Do you miss it?"
Well close enough. "What JAG?"
"Yeah."
"Parts of it I do."
"Like what?"
"The people who work there mostly. Some good friends there."
"I miss having you around sir."
"Anyone else?" Well that's... what, petty? I don't know what the word I'm looking for is. I guess I'd like to know who my real friends are.
"Petty Officer Coates and I'm sure Commander Turner misses you too even though he claims he's been too busy." Bud's tone of voice when he mentions Sturgis tells me that he's still mad at Bud. I wonder when that's going to end.
"But not Mac." When Bud bows his head, I know I'm right. It wasn't that hard to guess considering the message she left for me on the answering machine. She said, 'Bud's trying to get a hold you give em' a call would you.' Or something to that effect. "She told you that didn't she?" His head falls even a little further yet.
"I believe she used the word unpleasant when referring to you sir." Incredible. I thought we were all adults here. Friends for eight years, saved her life a half dozen times and she can only refer to me with a negative connotation.
"Don't worry about it Bud. Its not that big a deal."
Bud's head snapped up so fast I think he probably strained something in his neck. "How can you say that sir? She's one of your best friends and now she doesn't even miss or even like you. How does that work?"
"I wish I knew, but here we are. I've got to make the best of it and move on."
2341 ZULU
ONE BLOCK FROM COMMANDER TURNER'S APARTMENT ARLINGTON, VIRGINIA
"He shoots, he scores!" My last jumper from 24 feet was as smooth as silk and I've soundly thumped Sturgis 20 to 12. Sturgis retrieves the ball; he can't serious about playing again. I've just beaten him three games in a row.
"Gonna miss that jumper in our league this year."
"Gonna miss playing this year, even though I hear you've been too busy to miss me." Sturgis frowns at me, I'm sure he knows who I got that from. Sorry Bud.
"My case load has more than doubled since the Admiral tossed you aside. He still hasn't brought in another senior officer. Basketball and running have become my only outlets from insanity."
"He really hasn't brought anyone else in? Why the hell not, its been months now."
Sturgis just shrugs his shoulders, "With you and Tiner gone everyone's got a lot more work to do and it's going to be tough to field a team this year losing two guys like that."
"I'm sure you'll do fine, besides the MP's lost Davis this year."
Sturgis' eyes bug out, Captain Davis is the Marine Captain of the Guards, and he has some serious hops. He can dunk, drive hard to the hole, he has a good fade away jumper and can handle the rock as well as anyone. "When did this happen?" He's excited, and he should be. This really levels the playing field between the top two teams.
"Just before I left JAG to go after Mac."
"With him gone..."
"You're going to clean up."
"Well we would if you were still with us. It'll be a lot tougher now."
"I'll come and watch if I can." Sturgis practices his crossover a few times before draining a 15 footer. "You don't want to go again do you?"
Sturgis laughs, "No, I don't think you can be stopped tonight. You're too hot right now." That's part of it, but he's not focusing on the game like he normally does. I can beat Sturgis three games in a row, it's happened before. He's done the same to me too. But neither of us has won by the point spreads I've beaten him by today. The games are usually much tighter. Sturgis grabs the ball and throws it in his bag. "Wanna have a beer at my place?"
"Sounds good so long as I can shower first."
"Hey, mi casa es tu casa."
"She called me a coward." It didn't take long to crack Sturgis and he's just finished telling me about his latest case and what Mac said to him at the end.
"I'm..."
"Don't even think of saying that you're sure she didn't mean it, she did." Well if he'd let me finish.
"Of course she meant it. Mac doesn't say things like that unless she means them. Look at it from her side; she lost the case, her client's going to plead guilty, and Major Spain's going to be walking away from this with his career intact. Of course she's gonna be mad."
"I think she's just pissed at me because I wouldn't cut her client a break and haven't forgiven Bud yet." I'm not sure how to feel about that. I'd like them to make up, but Sturgis is one of my oldest friends. I'm not going to tell him what to do, even if he asked for it.
"You did the right thing."
"I know that, I just..."
"You just what?"
"It felt like I was acting like Singer would have."
"Sturgis... Singer wasn't that bad." Sturgis takes this moment to stare at me with this dumbfounded look on his face. I'm sure anyone and everyone else who knew her would too. "Look, Singer did whatever it took to win. It was her methods we didn't agree with, not her intent. At the very least I had to admire her for that, she knew what she wanted and she went out and got it."
Sturgis chuckles, "Harm, only you and Harriet could find something good to say about Loren after all she'd done."
"Look, all I'm saying is that you didn't do anything wrong. If Mac doesn't like what you said, too damn bad. You had a case to win and you did have justice on your side. That Marine had a job to do."
"Could you have killed him? Cause, I don't think I could have."
"Like you said, you're not a Recon Marine, you never were. Back then your MOS was to track ships and subs at sea. You launched missiles at targets during the Gulf, hand to hand combat isn't something you had to worry about doing."
"I asked if you could have done it." That's the lawyer in him, I side step the question, he throws it back at me.
"I probably would have captured him and then thought of something.
"Like what?"
"I don't know, maybe I would have knocked the kid unconscious, untied him and slipped away. Besides I've done far worse in a Tomcat."
Sturgis mulls over that answer a bit as I take a swig of my beer. Shit, I didn't mean to tell him the last part. "Harm every time you've dropped a bomb on a building or I've launched a missile we've killed civilians. It's war, innocent people die during war. Its shitty, but that's the way it works."
"It wasn't like that."
Sturgis looks confused, "Then what?"
"When we were in Libya. My wingman and I... this is about a week after I downed that MIG and crippled the other. So I was still pumped and itching for another fight." Sturgis leans in, I've rarely told this story before, but I think he needs to hear it. "Anyway so there's this convoy of trucks moving along this dirt road. Now there's four trucks carrying soldiers, but mixed in with them are two buses, but we can't see what's in them."
"School buses?"
"No... regular buses, you know, like Grey hounds?"
"Okay."
"So while my wingman provided air coverage I flew down to intercept. My first pass destroyed the last two trucks and probably killed everyone in them. The bus closest to the rear was chewed up as well and stopped dead in the road. If the road had been straight I would've gotten them all on the first pass. So after that the trucks split off from the remaining bus, each going in opposite directions perpendicular to the direction they had been going." My hands are waving around as I try to explain this to him, but that's how pilots talk. We talk with our hands, its just easier that way. "I went after the trucks first and got them both on my next run. Then I went after the bus."
"What's the problem with that?"
"On the way there we passed over the first bus I hit, and I saw a woman in bloody clothes dragging a half grown child away from the door. The kid was dead."
"You couldn't have known there were civilians in that bus. And who's to say they were all civilians anyway?"
"You don't understand Sturgis."
"What's to left understand?"
"I went ahead and strafed the other bus anyway." Sturgis is quiet as he digests that. "And I did it even though I knew there were probably more civilians on it as well." I know I did the right thing, but that doesn't make living with it any easier. "But to answer your question, no, I couldn't have killed that kid either." I've got enough blood on my hands to last three lifetimes and then some.
Sturgis is swirling the beer around in his bottle as he answers me. "You still did the right thing. That convoy was a target, every vehicle potentially housed the enemy."
"I know, the Captain, the squadron CO, and the JAG aboard the Sea Hawk all agreed after they watched the gun camera footage."
"Why did you tell me this?"
"I don't know, maybe to prove that you were right. From a Tomcat, I can kill a kid too. A kid in a bus surrounded by soldiers is still a target, just like that kid who gave away the Marines' position. We do what we're capable of dealing with, but we have to do it. Some of us are capable of killing someone with a knife, and others aren't. That's why we chose to drop bombs and launch missiles."
"Does it bother you?"
"No, not really. I just hope that I never have to do something like that again."
"But you would."
"If it was necessary, yeah I would."
Sturgis lifts his bottle, "To the hope that no more innocent kids will have to meet that kind of fate again."
I connect with my own bottle. "I'll drink to that."
0156 ZULU
AGENT RABB'S APARTMENT
NORTH OF UNION STATION, VIRGINIA
I haven't done this in a long time. I've got this photo album I've kept over the years and I'm looking through it on my couch right now. It's not chorological; the pictures are grouped more by theme than anything else. I called Catherine when I got back from Sturgis' place, and she's coming over as soon as she can. On the table in front of me is my newest additions to the book. One's a picture of Beth and I standing next to our C-130. We're wearing Naval flight suits so no one could tell we're in the CIA. Its not exactly an unmarked C-130 anymore either. We named her "Emily" after Beth's girlfriend. I was more than willing to agree to that. Better than if she was straight and wanted to name the plane Ben or Tom or something worse. A plane should always have a female name. She takes care of you and you take care of her. It's a relationship. Most pilots do that. They latch on to a single plane; they name her, they talk to her, and they love her. The next is a picture from the cockpit of the Aurora. This was a battle to keep. Four different security personnel had to sign off on the picture I took during one of the training missions, saying that it didn't reveal anything about the plane. This picture's going in next to the picture of me and Meg in the Tomcat's cockpit we flew into Vandenberg on and ran into Mark Lowery. God that was a long time ago, I haven't thought about him in years.
I can't describe what flying in the Aurora was like. They let me take her up as high as 145,000 feet. It's as close to getting into outer space as I'll ever get. That's why it's going in next to the picture of Meg and I. If anyone asks I was told to tell them it came from an SR-71. The picture was taken at 100,000 feet going mach 6. You can see the pitch black of space and the stars in it on top. Then the blue haze of our atmosphere and finally the Earth in the very bottom of the picture. So much for missing mach 2 in a Tomcat. Well I'd still like to get up in a Tomcat if I could. There's still nothing like the jolt of the catapult beneath me and thrill of catching the three wire on a rockin' and rollin' deck. She was my first love, that'll never fade away no matter how many times I climb into a Stealth or the Aurora. Besides, even if it could, the Aurora would never displace my love of the Tomcat with navigators like Andy in the back seat. There's a real difference between test pilots and combat pilots. Test pilots give up way too easily, they can always turn around and try again tomorrow. There is no tomorrow for combat pilots. You achieve your objectives or either you're a dead man or somebody else you were supposed to be covering is. We came to an understanding between the two of us after North Korea. I'm the pilot, I'll make the decision to abort or not, end of discussion. He didn't like it, but he doesn't have to, he just has to accept it. Accept it or move on.
Catherine's knock has me nearly running to the door. "Somebody's excited to see me. I heard you running to the door."
I can feel the easy smile coming to my face. "I wasn't running."
"Sure you weren't." She smiles back at me knowing that I lied, but she kisses me anyway on her way to the kitchen.
"Are you hungry, I could throw something together for you." I don't know what that would be though. I haven't had time to pick up anything since I've been home.
"No I already ate, but thank you for offering."
"What about something to drink?"
"What do you have?"
Opening the fridge, I can see how few options I really have. "Um, water, milk, I could make some coffee or tea. I've got a few bottles of Bud Lite left and there's a bottle of wine around here somewhere." Please don't ask for a beer, I've already drank two at Bud and Harriet's and three at Sturgis'. I need to cut back.
"Some tea would be great, its getting cold out there."
"Do you have a preference?"
"Earl Gray if you have it."
"A woman after my own heart, that's my favorite." I can only drink coffee until about noon, after that, it's barely tolerable. Besides, tea has a lot more caffeine in it than coffee does.
Catherine wraps her arms around my waist from behind me. "You know I am." She leans into me and we stay like this for a moment. I want to turn around, but with her weight committed to my frame I can't move. I like this, but I want to hold her too. I finally get the chance as Catherine releases me and walks over to the island. Throwing the teakettle on the stove, I walk over to her and capture her in my arms. This feels so good, Catherine rests her head on my shoulder sighing, "I'm glad you're home".
I can only turn my head to press a kiss to her temple, "So am I." I love the smell of her hair. She's got the best shampoo.
"Commander O' Neil told me you ended up in a tight purple tank top." Catherine and I are on the couch now. Well I'm on the couch; she's straddling my waist. She still has her cup of tea in her hands so I can't move too fast or I risk second-degree burns. She's also trying to contain her laughter, I might be burned regardless.
"I'm going to have to talk to her. We're not supposed to talk about our missions."
"So you're not going to tell me what North Korea's like this time of year?" Where did she hear about that?
"How..."
"Harm they were launching SAM's at you. We needed to be ready with a legal response."
"Meaning disavowing any knowledge of me or my activities." Catherine silently shakes her head in the affirmative while bowing her head. This isn't anything I didn't know before. Its odd how I've come to accept the Company's policy in that regard. Well let's rephrase; I accept it in regards to myself. But I won't leave my partner, whoever they might be, behind like that. Getting Beth out was a no brainer. I'd have gone a lot further for her. I use my finger to raise her chin. "Hey..." She looks so sad, well that and guilty. "Its okay. I understand, I do."
"It was so hard going over what we prepared. 'We have no record of Harmon Rabb ever having worked for the CIA.' I've prepared a lot of those statements. But it was never for someone I knew and cared about before."
I think she's about to cry. I manage to get the cup of tea out of her hands and onto the end table. "Hey, sweetie, come on..." Whoa, never called her that before, but the small smile on her face right now is worth it. "Its okay, I'm fine. I'm back home, in your arms..." Her smile's growing bigger and more beautiful by the moment. I don't think I'll be able to get enough of this woman. Which is fine, because the way she's kissing and grinding against me right now tells me she wants a lot more out of me.
"I need..." She's a bit out of breath, but I still hear it. I don't care, she could be as needy as hell at this moment and I'd still give her everything.
"Where?" Her gentle moan as my teeth capture her ear lobe is driving me wild.
"Bed, in there... now... right now." Point for future reference. Catherine doesn't kiss and talk well at the same time. And what the hell are you complaining about moron? She's great in the courtroom and even better in the bedroom. Who cares if she can only do one well at a time? "Harm, your wife wants to go to bed now, right now." See? I knew I wasn't the only one who was getting into this. "Yes dear." Catherine's light as a feather. Its nothing to pick her up and carry her to bed. This has been a great day.
1253 ZULU THE NEXT MORNING
AGENT RABB'S APARTMENT
NORTH OF UNION STATION, VIRGINIA
"You've got to be kidding me? I just got back... no sir... yes sir. Yes sir, one hour. Goodbye". Fuck! I've been home a little over one day and I'm already being recalled.
Catherine's hand slides over my hip as she snuggles up against my back. "You okay?"
"No."
"You have to leave don't you?"
"Yes." Now we're in this silent pause and I'm not sure if its uncomfortable or not. "Don't you want to know where I'm going?"
"I can always find out later. I'd rather discuss what we're going to do when you come home next time."
I've got a few ideas and none of them have anything to do with cell phones, beepers or any other communications device that might split us up. "Tell you what, when I come back. We'll visit your mom then we'll take my plane and fly off somewhere for a long weekend. I know a couple spots just right for two people trying to get away for a romantic honeymoon."
"Honeymoon?"
"Don't you think its time we had ours?"
"Yeah I guess we're way over due. Mom's even asked me when we were going."
"Trying to get rid you?"
"Trying to get grandkids I think."
"We better keep her away from my mom. She wants the same thing."
Catherine kisses the back of my neck and I turn in bed to face her. "You better go."
"What about you?"
"Call me when you can okay?"
"I will."
"Good, I'm going to take a shower." I can hear the water running from Catherine's shower. This could be my life you know. Married to a gorgeous, intelligent CIA lawyer, complete with house and... well, we'll see about the kids. In any case, domestic bliss has never seemed like such an obtainable goal before. Dad, you knew what that was like. A wife and kids, a family? I'm so close dad. Watch over her dad, I want her in my life. That sounds like something I said to Renee once. Scratch that dad; I need her in my life. Just get me through whatever crazy stunt the CIA wants and then bring me back home to her. I'll do the rest.
Author's Note: Okay some of you may have problems with a) Harm and Catherine and where I'm taking them and b) The story I had Harm telling Sturgis. E-mail me and we'll talk about Harm and Catherine or anything else for that matter. As far as the story... back in season 5 when Harm told LT. Buxton that he called it lucky to never have to fire the guns in a strafing run. That just stuck with me for some reason. I figured there had to be a reason or an experience for Harm to be saying something like that. Normally fighter pilots want to get into the fight. So, I made up a scenario that I thought worked. Don't get me wrong; I think that innocent civilians dying in war like that is tragic, but unfortunately it's a byproduct of war. I doubt there will ever be a conflict with zero collateral damage. Anyway, let me know what you think, even if you want to burn me at the stake.
ROBERTS RESIDENCE
FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA
"Hey there." I'm currently sitting on the couch at Bud and Harriet's house. I've only recently gotten back from my little adventure over North Korea and I've been promised at least the next week off. Harriet has little James in her arms and she bringing him over for me to see him.
"Here he is."
"He's gotten so big." I've seen pictures of him when he was born. He was just a little tyke. This is the first time I've seen him in person. Looking closer, I can see he takes after Harriet more than Bud. "I think he's more of his mother's son."
Harriet smiles at me, "There's a lot of my dad in James."
"Well that's good stock to come from." Harriet beams at me. Roland Sims is a good and honorable man. James would do well to follow his example rather than his other grandfather, who is probably the biggest and loudest pompous ass in the country.
"Would you like to hold him Harm?" I'm glad she doesn't call me sir. Although to be honest, I don't mind being called Commander at work.
"Absolutely." Harriet transfers him over to me, James fusses a bit, but then he settles back down, wrapping his tiny little fingers around one of mine. If this were my son, I think my shirt would be busting at the seams around my chest with pride. I have a feeling that I'd be the typical, brand new daddy. Proud as hell of his kids and not afraid to show it. Its a reality I'd like to wake up to sooner than later. Harriet settles on the couch next to me as I glance over at her. "So Kirk, huh?"
Harriet rolls her eyes, "Yeah, don't me started on that either".
"I'm just surprised Bud was able sneak that past you."
"It wasn't hard, after he showed me what the name meant I went along with it. I never put the two together."
"Why not give him Mikey's name?" Mikey is James' Godfather. I assumed they were going to use his name as a middle name for James like they did with me for little A.J. I was honored tremendously that they chose Harmon for his middle name.
"Well, I got to pick A.J's middle name, we both picked Sarah's, I figured I'd let him have this one on his own."
I held him for another twenty minutes or so before Harriet fed him and laid him down for a nap. "Would you like something to eat Harm"?
This woman's got enough things to do without her feeding me on top of it. "Oh Harriet that not necessary."
"Really? Cause I've got all this roast beef from last night that's never going to get eaten. Besides I heard your stomach rumble when I came back." I look down at my gut briefly, traitor. Gave Harriet all the opportunity she needed to mother me as well.
"Alright, but I want you to sit down and let me take care of it."
Harriet smiles back at me. I take it Bud doesn't do this too often if ever for her. "Okay." Pulling the roast beef out I only glance at it before setting it down and looking for the green beans Harriet claimed were in here too. I'm not the biggest fan of eating red meat. I prefer chicken and fish above anything else, but I sure as hell won't turn this down either.
"Plates, plates..."
"Second door to your right." Harriet points out for me.
"You don't mind if we use the fine china do you?" I ask holding up two paper plates.
"Well they aren't there for decoration." It doesn't take me long to have everything ready to go. I'm handy in the kitchen, I can cook a lot of things, and I'm not afraid to experiment with baking either. I know women love that about me. Every woman I've ever dated has told me so. Diane, Annie and Jordan were by far the most impressed. Looking at Harriet, its easy to see why. If Bud could make even one meal a week, it would take a lot of strain off Harriet. Women already have enough to do as it is. They're moms, wives, and working women. They're expected to keep the house in order; the kids cared for and have a career of their own on top of it. I don't know how mom ever managed to do it all.
"What do you want to drink?"
"A beer sounds good." At my surprised look Harriet continues, "Harm I haven't had a beer in ten months and I know there's a couple in the fridge."
"I didn't say anything."
"You were thinking it." Okay maybe I was. Last time I saw Harriet she was a big as a house. Proof of how much time has gone by since I was booted out of JAG.
"You're going to make a wonderful husband someday."
"You think so?" I ask, handing Harriet her plate. I'm a bit shocked, no one's ever told me that before. Though I've kinda wondered about it on occasion.
"Yeah I do."
Grabbing my plate and my own beer I sit down next to her on the kitchen island. "What makes you so sure?"
Harriet smiles at me, "You're good with kids. You can cook and your apartment tells me that you like things clean and orderly."
That's nice, but I knew all that already. "Harriet all that says is that I could run a day care center or a restaurant."
"I wasn't finished yet. You have a great butt and you know how to kiss a woman too." Now I can feel the intense amount of blood rushing to my cheeks. I can't think of a response to anything she's just told me. Yeah we kissed on her wedding day, but... this...this is Harriet telling me these things! And now she's laughing at me. "Did that embarrass you Harm."
"A little. I didn't think you noticed, um... those things about me."
"I'm married not dead Harm. Every woman notices those things about you." So, Carolyn and Tracy... are you an idiot Rabb? Of course Carolyn noticed those things. She made it a point to stare at my ass in the Admiral's office and whenever she could afterwards. And I'm not entirely sure Manetti draped in towel in my hotel room in Venice was an accident either. I guess the only one left to wonder about is Meg and... well, we flirted often enough that I'm sure she did too.
I cock an eyebrow at her, "Even after one kiss?"
"That's all I needed." Hmm, its too bad others weren't that perceptive of me in the past.
"Sir what are you doing here?" Nice to see you too Bud. Harriet and I finished eating about an hour ago. James hasn't woken up yet and Bud is walking through the door. He's obviously eating lunch at home these days. I haven't seen him since I joined up with the CIA and right now, I'm going to have some fun with him.
"I'm trying to get Harriet to run away with me." Good, now I've got Harriet blushing and Bud's looking at me as if he's trying to decide if I'm serious or not. Come on Bud, would I really tell you if that was my intention.
Bud smiles, "Hands off, you've got your own wife". Oh, well played Bud. Bud walks over and shakes my hand.
"Yes how is Ms. Gale, or is it Mrs. Rabb now?" Wonderful, now Harriet's got a new topic to grill me about.
"Its Gale thank you, and I haven't seen her in about four months, so I don't really know. I would think she's doing fine." That's not entirely true. We've called each other a few times. After we went to visit her mother in the hospital, we went out to dinner, then to my place and eventually we ended up in bed. Those wedding bands, the whole act of being married really turned us... and right now is not the time to discuss my love life. I need to steer the conversation elsewhere. "So Bud, I hear Mac gift wrapped your last big case for you." That was incredible, how can she... never mind. I guess I'm still not completely over the Admiral showing me the door and keeping Mac. Especially after I heard what she did. She keeps this up and she won't have to worry about making Colonel either.
Bud sits down on the other side of me with a glass of orange juice in his hand. "I guess so sir."
"It's Harm Bud, and why do you sound so sorry about that."
"I didn't want Colonel MacKenzie to get in trouble like that."
"You were doing your job Bud, it's not your fault that she screwed up."
"I know, I just wish I could've gotten the guilty verdict without hurting the Colonel's career." Bud's crazy, the judge would've dismissed the case without that evidence coming to the court's attention. Now a traitor of the United States is in Leavenworth for the rest of her life. Mac should thank her lucky stars she didn't receive the death penalty. Admiral LaPort would've had her ass if his daughter had been scheduled for execution.
"So what's going on at JAG Bud?"
"I'm sure with your security clearance you know more than I do sir."
"Yes, but that doesn't tell me what's going on outside the courtroom."
Bud's debating if he should when Harriet jumps in. "Come on Bud, its been two months since I've been there either."
"Well Commander Turner is struggling to fill JAG's basketball team for this season. After you and Tiner left there's only three guys besides him who are interested in playing."
I'm going to miss those games. "I'll have to stop by his place and say hi."
"And the Admiral still hasn't set a date for his wedding." There's an event I won't be attending. "You are planning to go aren't you sir?" Bud you're insane. Unless the Admiral begged me to come, which isn't going to happen, all the king's horses couldn't drag me there.
"I don't think so Bud. Not after the way he threw me out of there. Besides I doubt he'll be sending me an invitation anyway."
"So what's it like working at the CIA sir?" I was wondering how long he'd go before asking me that.
"CIA? I don't work for the CIA." One of our security personnel told me about Bud's persistent calls to Langley trying to reach me. "And don't even start asking about aliens and UFO's." Harriet's doing her best not to laugh and trying to hide it from Bud as well.
Bud shakes his head grinning, "Of course you don't sir, and I won't". Bud's laugh dies quickly, he wants to ask me something, but he's hesitating... I know what he's about to ask. "Do you miss it?"
Well close enough. "What JAG?"
"Yeah."
"Parts of it I do."
"Like what?"
"The people who work there mostly. Some good friends there."
"I miss having you around sir."
"Anyone else?" Well that's... what, petty? I don't know what the word I'm looking for is. I guess I'd like to know who my real friends are.
"Petty Officer Coates and I'm sure Commander Turner misses you too even though he claims he's been too busy." Bud's tone of voice when he mentions Sturgis tells me that he's still mad at Bud. I wonder when that's going to end.
"But not Mac." When Bud bows his head, I know I'm right. It wasn't that hard to guess considering the message she left for me on the answering machine. She said, 'Bud's trying to get a hold you give em' a call would you.' Or something to that effect. "She told you that didn't she?" His head falls even a little further yet.
"I believe she used the word unpleasant when referring to you sir." Incredible. I thought we were all adults here. Friends for eight years, saved her life a half dozen times and she can only refer to me with a negative connotation.
"Don't worry about it Bud. Its not that big a deal."
Bud's head snapped up so fast I think he probably strained something in his neck. "How can you say that sir? She's one of your best friends and now she doesn't even miss or even like you. How does that work?"
"I wish I knew, but here we are. I've got to make the best of it and move on."
2341 ZULU
ONE BLOCK FROM COMMANDER TURNER'S APARTMENT ARLINGTON, VIRGINIA
"He shoots, he scores!" My last jumper from 24 feet was as smooth as silk and I've soundly thumped Sturgis 20 to 12. Sturgis retrieves the ball; he can't serious about playing again. I've just beaten him three games in a row.
"Gonna miss that jumper in our league this year."
"Gonna miss playing this year, even though I hear you've been too busy to miss me." Sturgis frowns at me, I'm sure he knows who I got that from. Sorry Bud.
"My case load has more than doubled since the Admiral tossed you aside. He still hasn't brought in another senior officer. Basketball and running have become my only outlets from insanity."
"He really hasn't brought anyone else in? Why the hell not, its been months now."
Sturgis just shrugs his shoulders, "With you and Tiner gone everyone's got a lot more work to do and it's going to be tough to field a team this year losing two guys like that."
"I'm sure you'll do fine, besides the MP's lost Davis this year."
Sturgis' eyes bug out, Captain Davis is the Marine Captain of the Guards, and he has some serious hops. He can dunk, drive hard to the hole, he has a good fade away jumper and can handle the rock as well as anyone. "When did this happen?" He's excited, and he should be. This really levels the playing field between the top two teams.
"Just before I left JAG to go after Mac."
"With him gone..."
"You're going to clean up."
"Well we would if you were still with us. It'll be a lot tougher now."
"I'll come and watch if I can." Sturgis practices his crossover a few times before draining a 15 footer. "You don't want to go again do you?"
Sturgis laughs, "No, I don't think you can be stopped tonight. You're too hot right now." That's part of it, but he's not focusing on the game like he normally does. I can beat Sturgis three games in a row, it's happened before. He's done the same to me too. But neither of us has won by the point spreads I've beaten him by today. The games are usually much tighter. Sturgis grabs the ball and throws it in his bag. "Wanna have a beer at my place?"
"Sounds good so long as I can shower first."
"Hey, mi casa es tu casa."
"She called me a coward." It didn't take long to crack Sturgis and he's just finished telling me about his latest case and what Mac said to him at the end.
"I'm..."
"Don't even think of saying that you're sure she didn't mean it, she did." Well if he'd let me finish.
"Of course she meant it. Mac doesn't say things like that unless she means them. Look at it from her side; she lost the case, her client's going to plead guilty, and Major Spain's going to be walking away from this with his career intact. Of course she's gonna be mad."
"I think she's just pissed at me because I wouldn't cut her client a break and haven't forgiven Bud yet." I'm not sure how to feel about that. I'd like them to make up, but Sturgis is one of my oldest friends. I'm not going to tell him what to do, even if he asked for it.
"You did the right thing."
"I know that, I just..."
"You just what?"
"It felt like I was acting like Singer would have."
"Sturgis... Singer wasn't that bad." Sturgis takes this moment to stare at me with this dumbfounded look on his face. I'm sure anyone and everyone else who knew her would too. "Look, Singer did whatever it took to win. It was her methods we didn't agree with, not her intent. At the very least I had to admire her for that, she knew what she wanted and she went out and got it."
Sturgis chuckles, "Harm, only you and Harriet could find something good to say about Loren after all she'd done."
"Look, all I'm saying is that you didn't do anything wrong. If Mac doesn't like what you said, too damn bad. You had a case to win and you did have justice on your side. That Marine had a job to do."
"Could you have killed him? Cause, I don't think I could have."
"Like you said, you're not a Recon Marine, you never were. Back then your MOS was to track ships and subs at sea. You launched missiles at targets during the Gulf, hand to hand combat isn't something you had to worry about doing."
"I asked if you could have done it." That's the lawyer in him, I side step the question, he throws it back at me.
"I probably would have captured him and then thought of something.
"Like what?"
"I don't know, maybe I would have knocked the kid unconscious, untied him and slipped away. Besides I've done far worse in a Tomcat."
Sturgis mulls over that answer a bit as I take a swig of my beer. Shit, I didn't mean to tell him the last part. "Harm every time you've dropped a bomb on a building or I've launched a missile we've killed civilians. It's war, innocent people die during war. Its shitty, but that's the way it works."
"It wasn't like that."
Sturgis looks confused, "Then what?"
"When we were in Libya. My wingman and I... this is about a week after I downed that MIG and crippled the other. So I was still pumped and itching for another fight." Sturgis leans in, I've rarely told this story before, but I think he needs to hear it. "Anyway so there's this convoy of trucks moving along this dirt road. Now there's four trucks carrying soldiers, but mixed in with them are two buses, but we can't see what's in them."
"School buses?"
"No... regular buses, you know, like Grey hounds?"
"Okay."
"So while my wingman provided air coverage I flew down to intercept. My first pass destroyed the last two trucks and probably killed everyone in them. The bus closest to the rear was chewed up as well and stopped dead in the road. If the road had been straight I would've gotten them all on the first pass. So after that the trucks split off from the remaining bus, each going in opposite directions perpendicular to the direction they had been going." My hands are waving around as I try to explain this to him, but that's how pilots talk. We talk with our hands, its just easier that way. "I went after the trucks first and got them both on my next run. Then I went after the bus."
"What's the problem with that?"
"On the way there we passed over the first bus I hit, and I saw a woman in bloody clothes dragging a half grown child away from the door. The kid was dead."
"You couldn't have known there were civilians in that bus. And who's to say they were all civilians anyway?"
"You don't understand Sturgis."
"What's to left understand?"
"I went ahead and strafed the other bus anyway." Sturgis is quiet as he digests that. "And I did it even though I knew there were probably more civilians on it as well." I know I did the right thing, but that doesn't make living with it any easier. "But to answer your question, no, I couldn't have killed that kid either." I've got enough blood on my hands to last three lifetimes and then some.
Sturgis is swirling the beer around in his bottle as he answers me. "You still did the right thing. That convoy was a target, every vehicle potentially housed the enemy."
"I know, the Captain, the squadron CO, and the JAG aboard the Sea Hawk all agreed after they watched the gun camera footage."
"Why did you tell me this?"
"I don't know, maybe to prove that you were right. From a Tomcat, I can kill a kid too. A kid in a bus surrounded by soldiers is still a target, just like that kid who gave away the Marines' position. We do what we're capable of dealing with, but we have to do it. Some of us are capable of killing someone with a knife, and others aren't. That's why we chose to drop bombs and launch missiles."
"Does it bother you?"
"No, not really. I just hope that I never have to do something like that again."
"But you would."
"If it was necessary, yeah I would."
Sturgis lifts his bottle, "To the hope that no more innocent kids will have to meet that kind of fate again."
I connect with my own bottle. "I'll drink to that."
0156 ZULU
AGENT RABB'S APARTMENT
NORTH OF UNION STATION, VIRGINIA
I haven't done this in a long time. I've got this photo album I've kept over the years and I'm looking through it on my couch right now. It's not chorological; the pictures are grouped more by theme than anything else. I called Catherine when I got back from Sturgis' place, and she's coming over as soon as she can. On the table in front of me is my newest additions to the book. One's a picture of Beth and I standing next to our C-130. We're wearing Naval flight suits so no one could tell we're in the CIA. Its not exactly an unmarked C-130 anymore either. We named her "Emily" after Beth's girlfriend. I was more than willing to agree to that. Better than if she was straight and wanted to name the plane Ben or Tom or something worse. A plane should always have a female name. She takes care of you and you take care of her. It's a relationship. Most pilots do that. They latch on to a single plane; they name her, they talk to her, and they love her. The next is a picture from the cockpit of the Aurora. This was a battle to keep. Four different security personnel had to sign off on the picture I took during one of the training missions, saying that it didn't reveal anything about the plane. This picture's going in next to the picture of me and Meg in the Tomcat's cockpit we flew into Vandenberg on and ran into Mark Lowery. God that was a long time ago, I haven't thought about him in years.
I can't describe what flying in the Aurora was like. They let me take her up as high as 145,000 feet. It's as close to getting into outer space as I'll ever get. That's why it's going in next to the picture of Meg and I. If anyone asks I was told to tell them it came from an SR-71. The picture was taken at 100,000 feet going mach 6. You can see the pitch black of space and the stars in it on top. Then the blue haze of our atmosphere and finally the Earth in the very bottom of the picture. So much for missing mach 2 in a Tomcat. Well I'd still like to get up in a Tomcat if I could. There's still nothing like the jolt of the catapult beneath me and thrill of catching the three wire on a rockin' and rollin' deck. She was my first love, that'll never fade away no matter how many times I climb into a Stealth or the Aurora. Besides, even if it could, the Aurora would never displace my love of the Tomcat with navigators like Andy in the back seat. There's a real difference between test pilots and combat pilots. Test pilots give up way too easily, they can always turn around and try again tomorrow. There is no tomorrow for combat pilots. You achieve your objectives or either you're a dead man or somebody else you were supposed to be covering is. We came to an understanding between the two of us after North Korea. I'm the pilot, I'll make the decision to abort or not, end of discussion. He didn't like it, but he doesn't have to, he just has to accept it. Accept it or move on.
Catherine's knock has me nearly running to the door. "Somebody's excited to see me. I heard you running to the door."
I can feel the easy smile coming to my face. "I wasn't running."
"Sure you weren't." She smiles back at me knowing that I lied, but she kisses me anyway on her way to the kitchen.
"Are you hungry, I could throw something together for you." I don't know what that would be though. I haven't had time to pick up anything since I've been home.
"No I already ate, but thank you for offering."
"What about something to drink?"
"What do you have?"
Opening the fridge, I can see how few options I really have. "Um, water, milk, I could make some coffee or tea. I've got a few bottles of Bud Lite left and there's a bottle of wine around here somewhere." Please don't ask for a beer, I've already drank two at Bud and Harriet's and three at Sturgis'. I need to cut back.
"Some tea would be great, its getting cold out there."
"Do you have a preference?"
"Earl Gray if you have it."
"A woman after my own heart, that's my favorite." I can only drink coffee until about noon, after that, it's barely tolerable. Besides, tea has a lot more caffeine in it than coffee does.
Catherine wraps her arms around my waist from behind me. "You know I am." She leans into me and we stay like this for a moment. I want to turn around, but with her weight committed to my frame I can't move. I like this, but I want to hold her too. I finally get the chance as Catherine releases me and walks over to the island. Throwing the teakettle on the stove, I walk over to her and capture her in my arms. This feels so good, Catherine rests her head on my shoulder sighing, "I'm glad you're home".
I can only turn my head to press a kiss to her temple, "So am I." I love the smell of her hair. She's got the best shampoo.
"Commander O' Neil told me you ended up in a tight purple tank top." Catherine and I are on the couch now. Well I'm on the couch; she's straddling my waist. She still has her cup of tea in her hands so I can't move too fast or I risk second-degree burns. She's also trying to contain her laughter, I might be burned regardless.
"I'm going to have to talk to her. We're not supposed to talk about our missions."
"So you're not going to tell me what North Korea's like this time of year?" Where did she hear about that?
"How..."
"Harm they were launching SAM's at you. We needed to be ready with a legal response."
"Meaning disavowing any knowledge of me or my activities." Catherine silently shakes her head in the affirmative while bowing her head. This isn't anything I didn't know before. Its odd how I've come to accept the Company's policy in that regard. Well let's rephrase; I accept it in regards to myself. But I won't leave my partner, whoever they might be, behind like that. Getting Beth out was a no brainer. I'd have gone a lot further for her. I use my finger to raise her chin. "Hey..." She looks so sad, well that and guilty. "Its okay. I understand, I do."
"It was so hard going over what we prepared. 'We have no record of Harmon Rabb ever having worked for the CIA.' I've prepared a lot of those statements. But it was never for someone I knew and cared about before."
I think she's about to cry. I manage to get the cup of tea out of her hands and onto the end table. "Hey, sweetie, come on..." Whoa, never called her that before, but the small smile on her face right now is worth it. "Its okay, I'm fine. I'm back home, in your arms..." Her smile's growing bigger and more beautiful by the moment. I don't think I'll be able to get enough of this woman. Which is fine, because the way she's kissing and grinding against me right now tells me she wants a lot more out of me.
"I need..." She's a bit out of breath, but I still hear it. I don't care, she could be as needy as hell at this moment and I'd still give her everything.
"Where?" Her gentle moan as my teeth capture her ear lobe is driving me wild.
"Bed, in there... now... right now." Point for future reference. Catherine doesn't kiss and talk well at the same time. And what the hell are you complaining about moron? She's great in the courtroom and even better in the bedroom. Who cares if she can only do one well at a time? "Harm, your wife wants to go to bed now, right now." See? I knew I wasn't the only one who was getting into this. "Yes dear." Catherine's light as a feather. Its nothing to pick her up and carry her to bed. This has been a great day.
1253 ZULU THE NEXT MORNING
AGENT RABB'S APARTMENT
NORTH OF UNION STATION, VIRGINIA
"You've got to be kidding me? I just got back... no sir... yes sir. Yes sir, one hour. Goodbye". Fuck! I've been home a little over one day and I'm already being recalled.
Catherine's hand slides over my hip as she snuggles up against my back. "You okay?"
"No."
"You have to leave don't you?"
"Yes." Now we're in this silent pause and I'm not sure if its uncomfortable or not. "Don't you want to know where I'm going?"
"I can always find out later. I'd rather discuss what we're going to do when you come home next time."
I've got a few ideas and none of them have anything to do with cell phones, beepers or any other communications device that might split us up. "Tell you what, when I come back. We'll visit your mom then we'll take my plane and fly off somewhere for a long weekend. I know a couple spots just right for two people trying to get away for a romantic honeymoon."
"Honeymoon?"
"Don't you think its time we had ours?"
"Yeah I guess we're way over due. Mom's even asked me when we were going."
"Trying to get rid you?"
"Trying to get grandkids I think."
"We better keep her away from my mom. She wants the same thing."
Catherine kisses the back of my neck and I turn in bed to face her. "You better go."
"What about you?"
"Call me when you can okay?"
"I will."
"Good, I'm going to take a shower." I can hear the water running from Catherine's shower. This could be my life you know. Married to a gorgeous, intelligent CIA lawyer, complete with house and... well, we'll see about the kids. In any case, domestic bliss has never seemed like such an obtainable goal before. Dad, you knew what that was like. A wife and kids, a family? I'm so close dad. Watch over her dad, I want her in my life. That sounds like something I said to Renee once. Scratch that dad; I need her in my life. Just get me through whatever crazy stunt the CIA wants and then bring me back home to her. I'll do the rest.
Author's Note: Okay some of you may have problems with a) Harm and Catherine and where I'm taking them and b) The story I had Harm telling Sturgis. E-mail me and we'll talk about Harm and Catherine or anything else for that matter. As far as the story... back in season 5 when Harm told LT. Buxton that he called it lucky to never have to fire the guns in a strafing run. That just stuck with me for some reason. I figured there had to be a reason or an experience for Harm to be saying something like that. Normally fighter pilots want to get into the fight. So, I made up a scenario that I thought worked. Don't get me wrong; I think that innocent civilians dying in war like that is tragic, but unfortunately it's a byproduct of war. I doubt there will ever be a conflict with zero collateral damage. Anyway, let me know what you think, even if you want to burn me at the stake.