Author's Note: Okay, so I'm running a little behind here. This chapter
covers everything up through Posse Comitatus. As always, all feedback is
greatly appreciated including the flames.
2203 ZULU
JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA
Yuck, I don't know why I keep trying the cafeteria's tuna melt. I've only had one bite and I've already had enough. I get it every time it's on the menu and every time I'm disappointed by it. Why do I even bother trying it time after time like this? I can see Sturgis in line getting his meal. I haven't seen him in two weeks. Today's Thursday, it took the Admiral two weeks to get sick enough from that flu Sturgis got on TAD. Fortunately, Sturgis spent enough time around the Admiral before he took a few days off. He finally gave into the illness and probably Meredith's insistence and stayed home. He put Mac in as our OIC. It's not like I expected him to give me his office after two weeks back. The nice thing about being back is that my security clearance is through the roof. My clearance is probably higher than the Admiral's and probably most other flag officers in areas concerning aviation and our development projects. I love being able to stick my finger into any pie I want and getting the information I need. The shitty down side to this is that I can't tell anyone or use the information in court if needed to "Hey Harm." Sturgis has just made it thought the line and he got the lasagna. Odd, usually he grabs the tuna melt as well.
"Sturgis, how's it going?"
"Everything's better now that I kicked that damn bug out of my system."
"How long till you figure we get the Admiral back?"
"I'd say five days, but he's stubborn."
"So are you."
Sturgis just laughs, "He's a SEAL."
"And he's old." Sturgis keeps laughing this time as he shakes up his carton of milk. Sturgis takes one bite of his meal when his face shows his distaste for it. He washes it down with a quick drink of milk before he eyeballs my tuna melt.
"Trade ya."
Oh thank you. "Straight up?"
"Yeah."
"Done." This reminds me of our days in the Academy. Trading meals and mooching off each other. Usually it was food and beer or whatever we could smuggle into our rooms.
"Hey Sturgis, see if this makes sense to you. When I came back I confronted the Admiral about what was expected of me."
"Uh-oh, what did he say?"
"He told me to do what I do. Am I really supposed to believe that? Isn't doing what I do what got me in trouble in the first place?"
"I think he misses what you do in the court room, not what you do out in the field."
"So what am I supposed to do the next time something like Paraguay happens? Not react to it at all?" Sturgis knows I can't change who I am.
Sturgis just shrugs his shoulders. "Lets hope something like that never comes up."
Okay so maybe it wasn't the tuna melt's fault. I can't seem to enjoy this either. I know why too; Mattie, its all about her. I got to experience another aspect of parenting last week. The absolute crushing feeling you get in your chest when you let them down. I could hear it in her voice over the phone. I'm starting to make headway with all of my Imes cases and the other loads of crap filling my foul, rat infested office. Everyone else is like three times further along than I am including Mac and the Singer cases she had to handle. I'll be working on mine long after they're all done. I don't know how long that's going to take, but I do know that I can't stay away from Mattie that long.
"What's the matter with you?" Looking up I see Sturgis staring intently at me.
"What?"
"You've taken one bite and haven't touched it since. What's the matter?"
I can see that Sturgis hasn't eaten that much either. "What about you? Not hungry?" From the look in his eyes, I can see something's bothering him too.
"You first." Oh, I don't know if I want to get into Mattie with Sturgis. I'm not sure how everyone at JAG is going to react to the news, especially the Admiral. I've been in the spot light a little too much for my taste lately. I could tell him about Bud and how he lied to me in his office. Sturgis will easily agree with me and I'll get him off my case.
"Its nothing really, it's just about Bud."
Sturgis just groans, "What about him?" Quickly I relay our brief encounter in his office. Sturgis only looks mildly amused by the story. "He's lucky he didn't go to the Academy, he wouldn't have survived the hazings we went through."
I raise my glass of water to that. "Here, here. I just can't believe he lied to me like that."
"So its okay if he lies to someone else, just so long as its not you?"
Okay he's got a point there, but then again this isn't even bothering me so its not like I care in the first place. "I'll give you that. So I take it you're on better terms with Bud now?"
Sturgis sighs, "Yeah I think I'm over it now. He did the right thing with Commander Bentley."
"Well he's a good man, he usually does." I manage one more bite of lasagna before I remember Sturgis' problem. "So what about you?"
Sturgis glances down for a moment. "How would you feel about being my lawyer?" What the hell?
"You need one?"
"I might."
"Why?"
"There's been a complaint filed against me for racial profiling." Sturgis? Racial profiling? That's bullshit.
"What? When did this happen?"
"When I was on TAD. There's been no word of a hearing or anything like that yet, but if there is..."
"I got your back. All the way buddy." I can't quite pin point the look on Sturgis' face. I don't think its guilt, there's no way he did what he's accused of.
"Thanks."
"Stop by my office tomorrow..." Shit, I'm not going to be here tomorrow. I'm driving up to surprise Mattie. Hopefully I can convince her to shut down the entire weekend. She usually keeps em' flying on Saturdays as well. "Ah, forget that. Stop by my place on Saturday and we'll go over your case."
"I didn't do it Harm."
I know that already. I probably only heard a fraction of what he went through to get where he is. He would never do something like that. "I know, but don't worry about it. I'm currently undefeated when it comes to defending friends of mine in court."
Sturgis pauses before he takes another bite. "How many friends have you defended?"
Too many. "Well there was Bud, Mac, Skates, Kate, Admiral Boone twice..." Sturgis probably has no idea who those last three are. Then there was Scott Webster, even though I thought he was guilty of stealing stealth coating he still counts. "You'll be number eight."
"Well I'm counting on you if it ever comes to this." I talked to Bud after I got back from Yuma and he told me what Sturgis said to him so I know what I'm facing. I've never heard Sturgis sounding so depressed. I can't let him down no matter what the cost. All of this has freed up Sturgis to finish his meal, but I still have Mattie on my mind. This custody paper work is irritating the hell out of me. Her dad's a drunk who doesn't want her. I want her so bad, why won't they give her to me? Maybe I should get a lawyer of my own. I'm clearly not capable of being objective anymore, I just want her. "So how did you manage to get tomorrow off?" Sturgis knows as well as I do that I'm not the Admiral or Mac's favorite person right now.
"When we were at Yuma she wanted to say hi to some old friends of hers. I covered her end of the paperwork so she could go. She owed me one." I hadn't been back in the area since our first case together, man that was almost seven years ago. Those were much simpler times.
"What's the matter now?"
"Huh?'
"Something's still bothering you." Maybe I should tell him. He could be my lawyer... he makes for a damn good sounding board too.
"Okay, but what I'm about to tell you can't leave this table."
This has really piped his curiosity. "Sure".
"I think I might need a lawyer too."
Sturgis looks at me curious, "Why, what did you do"?
"Its about what I want to do." Sturgis' eyebrows lift slightly in question. "I'm trying to get guardianship of a teenager."
I think that's as far as Sturgis' eyebrows can possibly rise. "You want a kid?!"
Leaning over I hiss at him. "Can you say that a little louder? I don't think everyone on the other side of the room heard you."
"This is going to be a long story isn't it."
Maybe this was a mistake. I never should have told him. "Never mind, I'll..."
"Harm", Sturgis leans back and throws down his napkin. "Tell me what I can do to help." And I tell him; I tell him everything from working for her to falling for her. I am you know. Every time I see her or talk to her, I find myself slipping a little further into a father-daughter role with her. I'm already proud as hell of her and everything she's accomplished and I only want the best for her. I want her to attend school though, this business of hers, its great and all, but there's a big world out there for her to explore. I just don't want Grace Aviation to encompass her entire universe her whole life. "Harm you realize this isn't my specialty. I'm not sure how much help I can be here."
"Look I don't need you to do all the lawyering with this I can handle most of that on my own. I really just want you to give me an objective, outside opinion when I need it."
"No problem."
"I also might need you to be a character witness for me if I need it."
"Okay, but are you sure you don't want to ask Bud or Mac to be your lawyer or your witnesses?"
"Good God no. I want a good recommendation not some account of all of my crazy stunts over the past couple of years." That and I'm not willing risk the possibility that what Bud did during Sturgis' hearing wasn't just a fluke.
"So I'm your only witness?"
"No I have another friend ready and waiting to help me out if I need it." God bless Terri for saying yes. I know she'll be able to give a full account of how we helped Darlyn Lewis all those years ago. It was so good talking to her again; I've really been blessed to have the female friends I do. Terri ranks right up there with Meg, Kate, Beth and Skates. Obviously, Mac and Diane were even closer to me than that. What really sucks is that I have to refer to both of them in the past tense.
"Well, I should have some ideas by Saturday so we can help each other out then."
"Sounds great."
1428 ZULU
BLACKSBURG MANICIPAL AIRPORT
BLACKSBURG, VIRGINIA
"Hey, anybody here miss me?"
"Harm!" Mattie tries her best not to run over to me, but halfway there she gives up and sprints over to me and I wrap her up in a big hug. It's been three weeks since I last saw her. I can hear her sigh as I hold her close to me. This feels so good, her wide smile and bright eyes have completely captivated me. "What are you doing here? You said you wouldn't be able to come up until you caught up with your work.
I shrug off my duffel bag and pull out a thick stack of files. I'm not even sure how much of this I'll actually get done, but what I do manage to finish will have to be done in her presence. "Wanted to see you too much, so I brought some of my work with me."
"I can clear out a spot in the office for you if you like."
"In there or any out of the way place you have in the hanger will do Mattie."
"I cleaned up the office, you can set up in there."
"Thanks, but you realize I came here to see you right? Not to have a scenic view while I work."
Mattie just hugs me again and I'm all the more pleased I decided to come up here anyway. "I'm glad you came."
"Me, too."
Mattie releases me and walks off with what I think is a bounce in her step. I've made her happy. That's all I was hoping for. With a sigh, I make my way into her office. Wow, she really did clean up in here. Taking a side desk, I set everything out. I'm hoping to get all of this done in time to give her a plane ride at the end of the day.
"Hey, did you bring anything for lunch?"
Checking my watch, I'm startled to see it's just past 12:30 now. How did three hours fly by so quickly? Looking at the files I'm pleased to see that I actually got a lot done here. "Um... yeah, its in my car. Do you want a submarine sandwich?"
Mattie looks pleasantly surprised, "Sure".
Running out to the Lexus I grab a plastic bag from the local deli I frequent occasionally. They make great subs there. "Which one do you want; turkey and ham or salami and bologna?"
"I'll take the salami." I hand it to her as well as a bottle of water as I sit down myself.
"Thanks, I was going to order us a pizza."
"I thought you could use a break from pizza."
"Harm there's no such thing as too much pizza." Typical teenager.
"What do you say we clear out of here this weekend."
Mattie sighs in response, not to my question, but about her answer. "Harm I'd love to, but with our current schedule I'll have seven fields left to dust tomorrow. I can't let them go another day."
"Got a spare plane?"
"Sure, why?"
"I'll dust for you and then you can give everybody the day off and you can come with me to Washington."
"Why do you want to take me to Washington?"
"Just want to show you around."
"Already seen it thanks." Yikes, her reaction was a lot harsher than I thought I'd ever get from her.
I shrug my shoulders; I'm looking for a better reaction this time. "Well then I guess you'll never get to see your surprise then."
"What surprise?"
"You'll just have to come and see won't you?" I can see she doesn't like being toyed around like this, but the idea of a planned surprise for her I hope is reason she seems to be getting more excited. I wonder if her father ever took the time to do something nice for her once in awhile. Mattie's still working it out in her head as I take a quick bite of my sandwich. "Well, what's it gonna be?"
Mattie doesn't answer; instead, she pokes her head out of the office and begins shouting. "Frank, after your lunch break pull out the duster in the back and fill her up. Harm's going to dust the Hendrickson's field for us." When she looks back at me, her face is carrying a wide smile. "So what's my surprise?"
"I told you, you're just going to have to wait."
"I don't do waiting very well."
Now I'm smiling, I'm sure she's got me where she wants me. "No, absolutely not. You're going to have to wait and see."
"Please; pretty, pretty please." Mattie's whining combined with her puppy dog eyes routine has obviously been put to good use before because I can feel myself giving in to her demands. This isn't look she probably gives many people.
"Nuh-uh, tomorrow." I'm giving in, not caving in.
"That was so much fun Harm. I can't wait to do it again."
"I'm glad you liked it." We've gotten about thirty miles from Blacksburg, but Mattie still hasn't finished talking about flying in Sarah. Knowing that they'd get tomorrow off if the pilots could do the extra seven fields before the day ended really inspired the ground crew. None of us had to wait long before we could take to the air again and we ended up with time to spare. After I finished those fields, I took her up in Sarah again. I gave her the controls almost from the beginning. She performed the take off. I've got her started with the basics. I'm probably going to end up teaching her like the Navy taught me, trial by fire. Throw the ducklings in the pool and see which ones swim. Mattie's mature enough in my opinion to handle those kinds of demands. As for her groundwork... well, she has enough groundwork to do as it is with that business of hers. However, I've already lain down the law when it comes to her and flying. Sarah stays on the ground and she doesn't go up with anyone else but me. I don't want someone else teaching her bad habits. I mean no offense to those other guys, but the military trains the best pilots bar none.
"So what's next?"
"Well, we'll begin working on your navigation, what to do when your engine stalls; things like that."
"No I mean today." I don't know what we can do. We didn't leave her house until almost seven. It'll be eight-thirty, nine by the time we get back to mine.
"Oh, well, its going to be kinda late when we get home so probably just dinner. Unless there's a movie you want to see or something."
"No dinner sounds good."
"Anything you feel like in particular?"
Mattie bits her lip for a moment, "Um Mexican or Italian sounds great tonight."
"There's this great little place not far from where I live. Best chicken and steak fajitas around. Everything else on the menu is good too."
"Oh, fajitas." Mattie responds, mimicking the Taco Bell ad I saw on T.V. Hey its football season, I'm putting that thing to good use. Good thing I have it too, otherwise Mattie would probably end up bored stiff.
"How is it you're not married?" Whoa... that just came out of left field and smacked me up side the head. Mattie was flipping through the stations on the radio and not finding anything she liked, she just launched into this.
"What?" This is a stalling tactic; I need more time to come up with an answer. An answer, or is it an excuse? I'm not sure anymore. Whenever I talk to mom, it sounds more like an excuse than anything else.
"I mean you're great." Well, that one's going straight to my ego. "I don't understand how someone like you isn't married with three kids for you to shower your affections on." Join the club Mattie; sometimes I don't understand it either.
Good lord, what am I supposed to tell her here that doesn't have me coming off like some sort of loser? "I'm not really sure myself. Part of its the lifestyle, part of its my own fault and the rest has been bad luck." The lifestyle drove Annie away and to a degree Renee. The 'my fault' category accounts for most of Renee and all of Jordan. I'm sharing the blame with Mac. The bad luck above all else is Diane. I have no idea which of these is keeping Catherine at arm's length from me either. I haven't spoken to her since I unloaded on her. I'm sure I came off sounding excessively needy and I'm at a loss as to how to explain to her otherwise. I still think we could be something together.
"Did you ever, you know, think about it?"
"Marriage, yeah I have."
"What happened?" I'm not sure I want to talk about this. When I remember Diane, I don't want to remember how she slipped away from me. The images of her still, cold, form have been forever burned into my memory. I try to remember the good times. All the things we went through at the Academy, all the good times we had together afterwards. Her unflinching loyalty, compassion, and the love she gave me, especially after I crashed and struggled to rebuild my life. I was a fool to ever let her go for even a minute without telling her how much I loved her. If my brain had been firing on all cylinders, I would have given her no more than a year after all that before making her my bride. "If you don't want to talk about this I understand completely." I wish she'd stop that; she's always trying to give me the easy way out. I know she's doing it to prevent herself from being hurt or disappointed by those who are supposed to being looking out for her. I don't want that at all. I'm going to be there for her whenever she needs me. She just needs to understand that.
"No it's all right. I just don't talk about it often." Mattie doesn't say anything; I think she knows I'm trying to gather my thoughts. "She was my best friend from the Naval Academy. We were inseparable; she did more for me than just about any other man or woman in my life. She loved me and I her."
Mattie looks at me, waiting for me to continue and probably wondering how something that sounds so perfect could not come to fruition. "So what happened?"
"She was murdered. Almost seven and half years ago now."
Mattie just sits there in stunned silence. "Harm... I'm so sorry."
"Its okay, I just try remember the good times we had, the love we shared." It's not okay; if it were okay, I wouldn't have whispered all that. I would have spoken in a normal tone of voice. It still bothers me. I fill Mattie in with all the other details I feel are needed for her to understand the situation. I couldn't tell her all of it, some of its classified, some, like how her killer died I'd rather she not learn.
"How did you manage to get though the investigation? No way could I have done that."
"I'm not sure. I guess I was too busy trying to find her killer." He's dead, that's all she needs to know, but if she asks me a direct question about it, I won't sidestep it, I'll tell her the truth. "Don't think I'm cold or anything Mattie, I cried at least once or twice everyday for at least two weeks after her funeral and every once in awhile for another month."
"I did after mom died too, I guess I still am." I can see the tears welling up in her as she tries to wipe them away. Even though I'm driving, I wrap my right arm around her shoulders and she leans into me as much as she can. I swear I'm going to do everything I can to ease her pain. For the first time in her life since her mother died, she's not going to have to be strong all the time.
1237 ZULU
COMMANDER RABB'S APARTMENT
NORTH OF UNION STATION, VIRGINIA
Mattie's still asleep on the couch as I move about the kitchen. I'm making pancakes and the noise I'm making still hasn't woken her up. I'm not surprised; she was up all night watching the movies we rented. When she started watching 'How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days', I knew it was time for me to go to bed. Before that we had dinner at that Mexican place and when we got home, and she saw the pictures, we got into my life history. I told her all about Dad and what happened to him. Told her about Sergei too. She got to see pictures of Mac, Sturgis, and Bud and Harriet's family. It was when she wanted to see my pictures of Diane that I knew I was in trouble. So, we talked about that too. I told her everything that's happened between us as well. Trying to explain our... well, enigmatic relationship to someone else is tiring at best. After I went to bed, I held pictures of the two side by side. Mac's changed her hair since I first met her, but back then... God almighty. After her uncle was sentenced, I had to get out of there. I was out of my freaking mind; I almost called her Diane three times during that trial. I called Keeter, Sturgis, as well as Meg and got them so worried about me that Keeter and Sturgis showed up at my door within the week. I called Meg because she'd been there with me when it happened. Keeter and Sturgis were Diane's friends too. They were at the funeral. After that trial, I took the first TAD assignment I could get. I think it was a helo mishap aboard the Coral Sea. It took me a month to see her as a different woman. Stirring the batter, I finally hear Mattie groaning over on the couch as she gets up. "Good morning."
"Morning." Mattie gives me a sleepy smile. "Whatcha making?"
"Pancakes."
"I haven't had pancakes is years." That doesn't surprise me. If she does eat breakfast, I'll bet its cold cereal. "Um, can I take a shower?" Like she really has to ask.
"Sure, I left a clean towel and there's a robe in there for you if you want."
"That sounds good." She manages to drag herself to her feet and move to the bathroom. The robe was Renee's. She didn't come back for any of her stuff after she told me she was engaged. I ended up donating most of her stuff away. I don't know why I kept the robe. Hell, I don't even know if she'll use it, it's probably too big for her anyway; Renee was taller than she is.
The pancakes are just about ready when she takes a seat at the kitchen island dressed in shorts and a tee shirt. "That was fast."
"I've never taken a shower where the walls are made out of glass blocks." I suppose she would be uncomfortable with that.
"Yeah, I guess I really wasn't thinking about kids when I designed the bathroom."
Mattie levels a gaze at me that tells me she thinks she know why I built it the way I did. "Meaning you built it to ogle your girlfriends when they didn't know you were watching." That makes me sound like a peeping tom and its still the wrong answer.
"No, usually I'd just join them in the shower." Mattie's eyes widen slightly, I won't believe she didn't entirely see that coming. "I built it because it was cheaper to do it that way rather than a put up walls around it." Mattie looks at little sheepish in response. "How many pancakes to you want?"
"Three should be plenty. Thank you." After she takes her plate, I round up the butter, syrup, and milk and put them on the island front of her as well before sitting down next to her. "I've been thinking about you and Mac?" Yellow light here Rabb.
I'm doing my best to look indifferent. "Oh, what about us?'
"I think you should go after her." Crap. Red light, big fucking red light.
Maybe I should play devil's advocate here. "Why would I do that?"
"Because you love her." Loved her Mattie, loved her. It's all in the past.
"Mattie she knew that already."
Maddie's not convinced. "Does she? Have you ever told her that?"
"Mattie you know what I told you about what happened on the Admiral's porch."
"But all you said was there were some people who were in love with her."
"Mattie, there were only three of us to pick from. One was married; the other's old enough to be her father. Do you really believe Mac had that hard a time figuring out who I was talking about?"
"But did you actually say the words?"
"Mattie if she can't figure out how I feel after I sacrificed everything and rescued her in Paraguay then she'll never know."
"But if you don't say the words..."
"Mattie!" Okay, that was too harsh. "Let me put it this way. A man beats his wife, but tells her he loves her. Which one of the two emotions would you believe?"
Mattie rolls her eyes in frustration. "Harm its not that simple."
"It is that simple. If you're feeling bad and you had to chose between someone wishing you well or someone giving you a hug, which one would you pick?"
Mattie drops her head slightly, glancing at her plate. "I'd want the hug." Finally, she's coming around.
"Words are just that Mattie, words. If you can't back them up with your actions you might as well be lying to them, and a lie hurts any relationship."
"Love sometimes hurts Harm."
"Yeah, but you're not supposed to constantly bleed for it either. All we know how to do is draw blood from each other. She just came to that realization before I did." I'm glad its over, now we can just be friends and things will be a lot happier around here. Yuma was a good example of that. I don't need JAG; I like JAG because Mac challenges me. That's why I like our arguments, she makes me a better lawyer.
Mattie cuts into her pancake and stirs it in syrup absently for a moment. "What would it take?"
"For what?"
"For the two of you to get together?" Oh good lord, please don't tell me she's going to try and play matchmaker.
"She'd have to come straight out and say 'I love you Harm.' to my face, I don't think anything else would do." There's no way on God's green Earth she'll ever do that and there's no way Mattie would be able to convince her to do it either.
"What's my surprise?" Mattie thankfully back off the whole issue with Mac and we finished breakfast talking about safe subjects like flying and my Naval career. Even so we're still a little bit uneasy right now so I'll give in here, but only a little bit.
"Part of it's right behind the desk." Mattie glances in that direction, I know it's killing her. "Go ahead." Mattie scrambles over there and opens the box revealing the leather bomber jacket I had made up for her.
Mattie puts it on in a flash. "I love it! Thank you." It's a little big on her, but at 14, I figure she has about two more years to grow left in her.
"Your welcome, I kinda guessed at your size."
Mattie walks over to me turning around several times to examine herself in the mirror. "It fits fine, this is great."
"Well you needed something for when we go flying."
Mattie smiles even harder and gives me a big hug. Mmmm, gotta love that new leather jacket smell. "Thank you." I'm putting the dishes in the dishwasher when I notice her examining my leather jacket and comparing it to hers. "So these are the squadron patches you used to belong to?"
"Yup." I used to have patches on there for the first 100 and 500 night traps I'd ever done, but after Mace died I tore them off. Those numbers didn't matter anymore. A million perfect night traps wouldn't have made up for that night.
"How come I don't have a call sign or a pair of wings on mine?"
"Are you a pilot yet?"
"No." I shouldn't have to explain that to her. "Well when I get my wings, I want my call sign to read..."
"Oh no you don't." I can't help but laugh. "No one gets to pick their own call sign. Your pilot friends give it to you." There's no way I would've gone by 'Pappy' for six months if that were the case. Only the CAG gets that kind of privilege.
"Okay so what's my call sign?"
"First of all you're not a pilot yet, secondly it takes time. Sometimes your name comes from your personal background or an impression you give the other guys, or from an embarrassing incident that happens in front of them. Or it's just a play off of your own name or some bodily feature."
"You're kidding right? You pilots don't seriously spend that much time devoted to picking out someone's name do you?"
"Sure we do. When you're stuck on a carrier there's not a lot to do."
"So how did you get your name? Sounds a little too cool for your buddies to have given it to you."
"They did give it to me, it was at the end of my tour right after I saved two of our guys from possible capture when their bird was going down, and it was my father's call sign." "You must have been proud."
"And I still am."
1745 ZULU
PATUEUX RIVER NAVAL BASE
PATUEUX RIVER, MARYLAND
We're here for the other part of Mattie's surprise. She was so interested my flying career I thought I'd show her my ride. I'm not going to be able to take her up in a Tomcat, but she can at least sit in the cockpit. Never mind, this surprise, its not about Mattie at all, it's all about me. That's why I got her the jacket, that's why I brought her here and that's why Lieutenant Winters is standing on the wing of the Tomcat parked next to us taking pictures of us as I point out various things in the cockpit. I wonder what dad was thinking when he did this with me. Whatever it was, he was probably paying more attention to me than I am to Mattie.
"Harm!?"
"Sorry, what was it you were saying?"
"I said are these the ejection handles?" Mattie asks pointing towards the overhead handle.
"There's another one between your legs."
Maddie lightly grasps that handle. "So if I pull this I'll shoot right out of here?"
She must have seen that in a movie or something. "No, not quite. There's nine safety pins that need to be pulled first. When my RIO and I take off, we do that in our preflight checks. Otherwise the pins are always in place to prevent accidents from occurring."
"You love this handle don't you?"
"I don't love it, but it's saved my life a couple times, yeah."
"And this?"
"That's the HUD."
"What?"
"Sorry, Heads Up Display. It lets us fire a missile or our guns without having to squint through a scope or target sight." There's a lot more to it than that, but we'll stick with the simplest usage. After ten more minutes of explaining various panels in the cockpit, Mattie's ready to come down. She was slightly disappointed that she was going to get a ride, but she took it well. Sandy Winters climbs off the neighboring bird and walks over to us.
"Here you go Sir, there should be plenty of good pictures in there for you to chose from."
"Thanks Sandy. Mattie, this is Lieutenant Sandy Winters. I've flown with her before."
"Hi."
"Hi yourself, what did you think of the Tomcats?"
"They're great, just wish I could have gone up."
"Yeah the CO's bit of a stickler on that point." Mattie converses with Sandy briefly while I watch a pair of our new joint strike fighters taking off. With that single engine, it looks a little too much like a F-16 for my taste. Regardless, she's sleek bird, and I'm sure she's a joy to fly. "Sir?"
"Yeah?"
"Look I gotta take off, you don't need anything else do you?"
"No, thanks a bunch Sandy." I shake her hand and return her salute. "Say hi to Scott for me." She blushes slightly, I don't know why. Its not like it's a secret anymore. He works for Lockheed/Martin now and he's happy there considering. "You ready to go home?"
Mattie's watching a Hornet landing and turns around. "Why? You got a date or something?"
"There's friend of mine coming to my place today and he going to help me with our case. I need to meet him there. I figure by the time we drive back and get something to eat we'll meet him at the front door."
"Okay."
"I thought that was your car. You haven't been waiting long have you?"
Sturgis shakes his head. "A few minutes, who's this?"
"Mattie Grace meet Commander Sturgis Turner." They exchange pleasantries as we head into my place. They're still talking when I finish changing and go to the bathroom. When Mattie see me coming down to the living room she heads for the bathroom herself.
"She's a good kid Harm."
"Responsible as hell too, and I want her."
"You know that because her father's..."
"Yeah I know. Because he's alive, he's technically still her guardian."
"Have you considered the fact that if this motion makes a lot of noise in court and her relatives on her father's side were to find out what's going on, that they might make a claim for guardianship as well?" I can feel the wind being let out of my sails, I never thought about that. "A judge would probably rule in favor of her blood relation rather than a single, military man."
"Well then we need to keep this quiet and as short as possible."
"I think your going to need your other character reference Harm. The judge is going to have your military record in front of him, and while its certainly distinguished its also going to show a high propensity for overseas travel and your unusual tendency to get into trouble. The fact that part of your file is sealed isn't going to help matters either."
"You make it sound like this is going to be impossible." Shit Mattie just heard that. She's standing at the top of the stairs with an uncertain look on her face.
"Mattie don't worry about it. Harm is one of the best men I've ever known. I don't believe the judge is going to turn down his request unless your father was to suddenly take an interest in you again. I'm just playing devil's advocate here, we need to be ready for everything." Thank you Sturgis for saving my ass.
Mattie nods, but looks uncertain. "Harm can I watch T.V in your room?"
"Sure". I haul it up onto my dresser and plug the T.V in there. "Mattie, Sturgis and I are two really good lawyers. We'll find a way to make this work okay?" Mattie smiles back at me, "Okay".
We ran through my case quickly and we were discussing his when I heard the door knock. Mattie's be content to watch movies in my room the entire time. When I see who it is, I have to quell the urge to knock his head off. "What do you want Webb?"
"Nice to see you too Rabb." God I hate that smirk on his face. He tries to push his way inside, but that's not going to happen. I've got something like 8 inches and thirty pounds on him. "Aren't you going to let me in?"
"Not a chance, what do you want?"
"Lets talk inside."
"No we'll talk right here."
Webb shoves me back a bit. "Rabb quit being an asshole..." 'Crack' Oh that make some noise. I caught him with a solid right hook to the his jaw and Webb's immediate fall has turned out to be wonderfully satisfying as well as quite comical in the way he landed.
"Clay!" I was about to shut the door when Mac's voice registered. Turning around I can see her kneeling beside him.
"Wow Webb, you brought Mac here on a date. You sure know how to show a girl a good time." Sturgis has shown up at the door a smile on his face as well when he takes in the scene. Mac glares at Sturgis and me as Webb rubs his jaw, I'm sure the makeup he probably wears will cover up the bruise. "I've always wanted to clock one of your boyfriends."
Mac leans Webb up against the wall and takes a step in my direction, now I know she doesn't want to fight. "Will you grow up? Your petty jealousy is pretty sickening to watch."
"You really think it's all about you don't you. This is my home, if I don't want him in here, he doesn't past the door." This is partially about her, the rest is all about Webb firing me.
"I think it is." Webb's brushing off his coat and patting himself where I know he keeps his side arm. I know that move is intentional too.
"I'm not afraid of you or your gun. You can't hit shit with it." Mac turns towards Webb in question. "Come on Mac, you really don't believe he goes anywhere without a gun do you?" In all fairness, its a smart move on his part and its Company policy. He's got too much locked away in that annoying little head of his to risk capture.
Webb spits some blood onto the ground; I must have cut his gums or something. "I don't need a gun to threaten you, there's a little court matter of yours I could always interfere with."
I can feel my blood boiling. "Only if you have a death wish."
When Webb smiles, I can see the blood on his teeth. "Then lets talk and avoid all that." I don't want Mac to know about Mattie just yet.
"Mac stays outside."
"Fine." Mac's look of disbelief moves from me to Webb as he walks past me.
I smile at Mac. "If you hear a crash and girlish scream it's just Webb being thrown through a window. She opens her mouth to say something back, but I'm already shutting the door.
Webb tries to head for the living room, but I steer him into the kitchen, the furthest spot in my place from the bedroom. Sturgis is in the living room trying not to over hear us, but we both know he's catching every word. "Make it fast, and don't even think about telling Mac anything about my case."
Clay tosses a folded piece of paper on the island. "Your life isn't something we normally talk about, but what the hell is this?"
Son of a Bitch, this is copy the wedding invitation Sergei sent me this week. "You've been reading my mail?"
"Oh get over yourself, you know damn well we monitor ex-agents. Especially those who've been exposed to extremely classified information and those who've been disavowed from the company. You're both of those things."
"So I suppose my phone's tapped too?"
Webb cocks an eyebrow at me. "What do you think?"
"What does this have anything to do with Sergei's wedding?"
"Let me run this by you. A known CIA operative who has been exposed to the public is traveling to Russia with a complete knowledge of our activities, safe houses, agents, and development areas in his head? Is there any kind of fucking alarm going off your head like it is in mine?!"
"So what, I passed the interrogation testing the company put me through, and thanks to you the torture endurance was much harder than it needed to be."
"Still wasn't hard enough."
"Oh so everyone has to suffer like you did because you were just stupid?"
"You're not going to Russia." Webb states matter-of-factly
"Fine then get Sergei and his fiancé a green card, line up a job for him and convince him to move back to the States, and have his wedding here."
"I've already dragged your brother here once, I'm not doing it again."
There is just no getting through to this man. I'm going to have to give a little bit here to get what I want. "I'll stay at the Embassy in Moscow instead of a hotel then."
Webb shakes his head. "Not good enough."
"Where am I exactly going to go? I'm standing up for his wedding, I can't exactly disappear in the middle of it."
"Is that supposed to be comforting to me?"
"Then send a female agent with me. I'll pretend she's my date." Webb actually seems to be contemplating that suggestion.
Webb motions me close, I understand this isn't something Sturgis needs to hear. "If I were to consider that... who would you have in mind?" A dozen different girls run through my mind. Catherine's one of them, but I'd never put her though something like that nor could she handle it if things went south. There's a few agents I crossed paths with that I thought were pretty damn hot, but I guess I want someone I can have a good time with, where there's no expectations involved.
"Beth O'Neal."
"She's a pilot, you think she can pull that off?" She posed as a hooker didn't she? I think she can pull off looking like my date. Christ if she'd come up to my window like that, I'd have paid her for sex.
"I know she can."
"We'll see."
"You had to come charging in here didn't you? A simple phone call would have taken care of all of this."
Webb gives me a wane smile. "Guess I don't like to do things the easy way."
"I don't think either one of us do. Look, Webb, about the jaw."
Webb waves me off. "We'll call it even for firing you in the first place." Nodding my agreement, I walk Webb out to the door. Mac doesn't look pleased at either one of us. Just before I shut the door, I can hear her going off on him, asking him 'What the hell that was all about?' I lean up against the door and smile.
0016 ZULU
MATTIE GRACE'S RESIDENCE
BLACKSBERG, VIRGINIA
I've just finished carrying some groceries into her house. I'm convinced she doesn't eat well enough. It's surprisingly clean too; I was expecting it to be a lot dirtier in there. "Well except for that CIA guy I had a really good time."
"So did I. And there's going to be a lot more good times ahead of us." Sturgis and I pounded out a strategy on Saturday. For me as well as for him should he need it. Then on Sunday, he stopped by after church to watch football with Mattie and I. I think she was really fascinated by all the submarine adventures he told. If that's what interests her, I've got a few good sub stories of my own.
"So I'll see you next week?"
"Next weekend. I want to really crack down on my cases. Sturgis is going to help me with our petition so don't worry okay?"
Mattie smiles "Okay".
"Good, you set for the night?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine. You can go."
"Just checking, good night Mattie."
"Good night Harm." I'm out the door and onto her front when I hear her running after me. "Harm?"
"Yeah?"
Mattie walks up to me and gives me a hug, which I return in kind. "Thank you for dragging me to Washington."
"Your welcome." I wait on her porch until she's inside and locked the door before heading to the Lexus. Dad, help us push this thing through. I love that girl and whether she knows it or not. She needs a daddy who loves her. I don't know what you felt when you had me in that Phantom cockpit, but if the pride and love I felt for her when I had her in that Tomcat is any indicator, then I know I'm doing the right thing. Watch over her dad. Watch over her until the courts will let me do it full time.
2203 ZULU
JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA
Yuck, I don't know why I keep trying the cafeteria's tuna melt. I've only had one bite and I've already had enough. I get it every time it's on the menu and every time I'm disappointed by it. Why do I even bother trying it time after time like this? I can see Sturgis in line getting his meal. I haven't seen him in two weeks. Today's Thursday, it took the Admiral two weeks to get sick enough from that flu Sturgis got on TAD. Fortunately, Sturgis spent enough time around the Admiral before he took a few days off. He finally gave into the illness and probably Meredith's insistence and stayed home. He put Mac in as our OIC. It's not like I expected him to give me his office after two weeks back. The nice thing about being back is that my security clearance is through the roof. My clearance is probably higher than the Admiral's and probably most other flag officers in areas concerning aviation and our development projects. I love being able to stick my finger into any pie I want and getting the information I need. The shitty down side to this is that I can't tell anyone or use the information in court if needed to "Hey Harm." Sturgis has just made it thought the line and he got the lasagna. Odd, usually he grabs the tuna melt as well.
"Sturgis, how's it going?"
"Everything's better now that I kicked that damn bug out of my system."
"How long till you figure we get the Admiral back?"
"I'd say five days, but he's stubborn."
"So are you."
Sturgis just laughs, "He's a SEAL."
"And he's old." Sturgis keeps laughing this time as he shakes up his carton of milk. Sturgis takes one bite of his meal when his face shows his distaste for it. He washes it down with a quick drink of milk before he eyeballs my tuna melt.
"Trade ya."
Oh thank you. "Straight up?"
"Yeah."
"Done." This reminds me of our days in the Academy. Trading meals and mooching off each other. Usually it was food and beer or whatever we could smuggle into our rooms.
"Hey Sturgis, see if this makes sense to you. When I came back I confronted the Admiral about what was expected of me."
"Uh-oh, what did he say?"
"He told me to do what I do. Am I really supposed to believe that? Isn't doing what I do what got me in trouble in the first place?"
"I think he misses what you do in the court room, not what you do out in the field."
"So what am I supposed to do the next time something like Paraguay happens? Not react to it at all?" Sturgis knows I can't change who I am.
Sturgis just shrugs his shoulders. "Lets hope something like that never comes up."
Okay so maybe it wasn't the tuna melt's fault. I can't seem to enjoy this either. I know why too; Mattie, its all about her. I got to experience another aspect of parenting last week. The absolute crushing feeling you get in your chest when you let them down. I could hear it in her voice over the phone. I'm starting to make headway with all of my Imes cases and the other loads of crap filling my foul, rat infested office. Everyone else is like three times further along than I am including Mac and the Singer cases she had to handle. I'll be working on mine long after they're all done. I don't know how long that's going to take, but I do know that I can't stay away from Mattie that long.
"What's the matter with you?" Looking up I see Sturgis staring intently at me.
"What?"
"You've taken one bite and haven't touched it since. What's the matter?"
I can see that Sturgis hasn't eaten that much either. "What about you? Not hungry?" From the look in his eyes, I can see something's bothering him too.
"You first." Oh, I don't know if I want to get into Mattie with Sturgis. I'm not sure how everyone at JAG is going to react to the news, especially the Admiral. I've been in the spot light a little too much for my taste lately. I could tell him about Bud and how he lied to me in his office. Sturgis will easily agree with me and I'll get him off my case.
"Its nothing really, it's just about Bud."
Sturgis just groans, "What about him?" Quickly I relay our brief encounter in his office. Sturgis only looks mildly amused by the story. "He's lucky he didn't go to the Academy, he wouldn't have survived the hazings we went through."
I raise my glass of water to that. "Here, here. I just can't believe he lied to me like that."
"So its okay if he lies to someone else, just so long as its not you?"
Okay he's got a point there, but then again this isn't even bothering me so its not like I care in the first place. "I'll give you that. So I take it you're on better terms with Bud now?"
Sturgis sighs, "Yeah I think I'm over it now. He did the right thing with Commander Bentley."
"Well he's a good man, he usually does." I manage one more bite of lasagna before I remember Sturgis' problem. "So what about you?"
Sturgis glances down for a moment. "How would you feel about being my lawyer?" What the hell?
"You need one?"
"I might."
"Why?"
"There's been a complaint filed against me for racial profiling." Sturgis? Racial profiling? That's bullshit.
"What? When did this happen?"
"When I was on TAD. There's been no word of a hearing or anything like that yet, but if there is..."
"I got your back. All the way buddy." I can't quite pin point the look on Sturgis' face. I don't think its guilt, there's no way he did what he's accused of.
"Thanks."
"Stop by my office tomorrow..." Shit, I'm not going to be here tomorrow. I'm driving up to surprise Mattie. Hopefully I can convince her to shut down the entire weekend. She usually keeps em' flying on Saturdays as well. "Ah, forget that. Stop by my place on Saturday and we'll go over your case."
"I didn't do it Harm."
I know that already. I probably only heard a fraction of what he went through to get where he is. He would never do something like that. "I know, but don't worry about it. I'm currently undefeated when it comes to defending friends of mine in court."
Sturgis pauses before he takes another bite. "How many friends have you defended?"
Too many. "Well there was Bud, Mac, Skates, Kate, Admiral Boone twice..." Sturgis probably has no idea who those last three are. Then there was Scott Webster, even though I thought he was guilty of stealing stealth coating he still counts. "You'll be number eight."
"Well I'm counting on you if it ever comes to this." I talked to Bud after I got back from Yuma and he told me what Sturgis said to him so I know what I'm facing. I've never heard Sturgis sounding so depressed. I can't let him down no matter what the cost. All of this has freed up Sturgis to finish his meal, but I still have Mattie on my mind. This custody paper work is irritating the hell out of me. Her dad's a drunk who doesn't want her. I want her so bad, why won't they give her to me? Maybe I should get a lawyer of my own. I'm clearly not capable of being objective anymore, I just want her. "So how did you manage to get tomorrow off?" Sturgis knows as well as I do that I'm not the Admiral or Mac's favorite person right now.
"When we were at Yuma she wanted to say hi to some old friends of hers. I covered her end of the paperwork so she could go. She owed me one." I hadn't been back in the area since our first case together, man that was almost seven years ago. Those were much simpler times.
"What's the matter now?"
"Huh?'
"Something's still bothering you." Maybe I should tell him. He could be my lawyer... he makes for a damn good sounding board too.
"Okay, but what I'm about to tell you can't leave this table."
This has really piped his curiosity. "Sure".
"I think I might need a lawyer too."
Sturgis looks at me curious, "Why, what did you do"?
"Its about what I want to do." Sturgis' eyebrows lift slightly in question. "I'm trying to get guardianship of a teenager."
I think that's as far as Sturgis' eyebrows can possibly rise. "You want a kid?!"
Leaning over I hiss at him. "Can you say that a little louder? I don't think everyone on the other side of the room heard you."
"This is going to be a long story isn't it."
Maybe this was a mistake. I never should have told him. "Never mind, I'll..."
"Harm", Sturgis leans back and throws down his napkin. "Tell me what I can do to help." And I tell him; I tell him everything from working for her to falling for her. I am you know. Every time I see her or talk to her, I find myself slipping a little further into a father-daughter role with her. I'm already proud as hell of her and everything she's accomplished and I only want the best for her. I want her to attend school though, this business of hers, its great and all, but there's a big world out there for her to explore. I just don't want Grace Aviation to encompass her entire universe her whole life. "Harm you realize this isn't my specialty. I'm not sure how much help I can be here."
"Look I don't need you to do all the lawyering with this I can handle most of that on my own. I really just want you to give me an objective, outside opinion when I need it."
"No problem."
"I also might need you to be a character witness for me if I need it."
"Okay, but are you sure you don't want to ask Bud or Mac to be your lawyer or your witnesses?"
"Good God no. I want a good recommendation not some account of all of my crazy stunts over the past couple of years." That and I'm not willing risk the possibility that what Bud did during Sturgis' hearing wasn't just a fluke.
"So I'm your only witness?"
"No I have another friend ready and waiting to help me out if I need it." God bless Terri for saying yes. I know she'll be able to give a full account of how we helped Darlyn Lewis all those years ago. It was so good talking to her again; I've really been blessed to have the female friends I do. Terri ranks right up there with Meg, Kate, Beth and Skates. Obviously, Mac and Diane were even closer to me than that. What really sucks is that I have to refer to both of them in the past tense.
"Well, I should have some ideas by Saturday so we can help each other out then."
"Sounds great."
1428 ZULU
BLACKSBURG MANICIPAL AIRPORT
BLACKSBURG, VIRGINIA
"Hey, anybody here miss me?"
"Harm!" Mattie tries her best not to run over to me, but halfway there she gives up and sprints over to me and I wrap her up in a big hug. It's been three weeks since I last saw her. I can hear her sigh as I hold her close to me. This feels so good, her wide smile and bright eyes have completely captivated me. "What are you doing here? You said you wouldn't be able to come up until you caught up with your work.
I shrug off my duffel bag and pull out a thick stack of files. I'm not even sure how much of this I'll actually get done, but what I do manage to finish will have to be done in her presence. "Wanted to see you too much, so I brought some of my work with me."
"I can clear out a spot in the office for you if you like."
"In there or any out of the way place you have in the hanger will do Mattie."
"I cleaned up the office, you can set up in there."
"Thanks, but you realize I came here to see you right? Not to have a scenic view while I work."
Mattie just hugs me again and I'm all the more pleased I decided to come up here anyway. "I'm glad you came."
"Me, too."
Mattie releases me and walks off with what I think is a bounce in her step. I've made her happy. That's all I was hoping for. With a sigh, I make my way into her office. Wow, she really did clean up in here. Taking a side desk, I set everything out. I'm hoping to get all of this done in time to give her a plane ride at the end of the day.
"Hey, did you bring anything for lunch?"
Checking my watch, I'm startled to see it's just past 12:30 now. How did three hours fly by so quickly? Looking at the files I'm pleased to see that I actually got a lot done here. "Um... yeah, its in my car. Do you want a submarine sandwich?"
Mattie looks pleasantly surprised, "Sure".
Running out to the Lexus I grab a plastic bag from the local deli I frequent occasionally. They make great subs there. "Which one do you want; turkey and ham or salami and bologna?"
"I'll take the salami." I hand it to her as well as a bottle of water as I sit down myself.
"Thanks, I was going to order us a pizza."
"I thought you could use a break from pizza."
"Harm there's no such thing as too much pizza." Typical teenager.
"What do you say we clear out of here this weekend."
Mattie sighs in response, not to my question, but about her answer. "Harm I'd love to, but with our current schedule I'll have seven fields left to dust tomorrow. I can't let them go another day."
"Got a spare plane?"
"Sure, why?"
"I'll dust for you and then you can give everybody the day off and you can come with me to Washington."
"Why do you want to take me to Washington?"
"Just want to show you around."
"Already seen it thanks." Yikes, her reaction was a lot harsher than I thought I'd ever get from her.
I shrug my shoulders; I'm looking for a better reaction this time. "Well then I guess you'll never get to see your surprise then."
"What surprise?"
"You'll just have to come and see won't you?" I can see she doesn't like being toyed around like this, but the idea of a planned surprise for her I hope is reason she seems to be getting more excited. I wonder if her father ever took the time to do something nice for her once in awhile. Mattie's still working it out in her head as I take a quick bite of my sandwich. "Well, what's it gonna be?"
Mattie doesn't answer; instead, she pokes her head out of the office and begins shouting. "Frank, after your lunch break pull out the duster in the back and fill her up. Harm's going to dust the Hendrickson's field for us." When she looks back at me, her face is carrying a wide smile. "So what's my surprise?"
"I told you, you're just going to have to wait."
"I don't do waiting very well."
Now I'm smiling, I'm sure she's got me where she wants me. "No, absolutely not. You're going to have to wait and see."
"Please; pretty, pretty please." Mattie's whining combined with her puppy dog eyes routine has obviously been put to good use before because I can feel myself giving in to her demands. This isn't look she probably gives many people.
"Nuh-uh, tomorrow." I'm giving in, not caving in.
"That was so much fun Harm. I can't wait to do it again."
"I'm glad you liked it." We've gotten about thirty miles from Blacksburg, but Mattie still hasn't finished talking about flying in Sarah. Knowing that they'd get tomorrow off if the pilots could do the extra seven fields before the day ended really inspired the ground crew. None of us had to wait long before we could take to the air again and we ended up with time to spare. After I finished those fields, I took her up in Sarah again. I gave her the controls almost from the beginning. She performed the take off. I've got her started with the basics. I'm probably going to end up teaching her like the Navy taught me, trial by fire. Throw the ducklings in the pool and see which ones swim. Mattie's mature enough in my opinion to handle those kinds of demands. As for her groundwork... well, she has enough groundwork to do as it is with that business of hers. However, I've already lain down the law when it comes to her and flying. Sarah stays on the ground and she doesn't go up with anyone else but me. I don't want someone else teaching her bad habits. I mean no offense to those other guys, but the military trains the best pilots bar none.
"So what's next?"
"Well, we'll begin working on your navigation, what to do when your engine stalls; things like that."
"No I mean today." I don't know what we can do. We didn't leave her house until almost seven. It'll be eight-thirty, nine by the time we get back to mine.
"Oh, well, its going to be kinda late when we get home so probably just dinner. Unless there's a movie you want to see or something."
"No dinner sounds good."
"Anything you feel like in particular?"
Mattie bits her lip for a moment, "Um Mexican or Italian sounds great tonight."
"There's this great little place not far from where I live. Best chicken and steak fajitas around. Everything else on the menu is good too."
"Oh, fajitas." Mattie responds, mimicking the Taco Bell ad I saw on T.V. Hey its football season, I'm putting that thing to good use. Good thing I have it too, otherwise Mattie would probably end up bored stiff.
"How is it you're not married?" Whoa... that just came out of left field and smacked me up side the head. Mattie was flipping through the stations on the radio and not finding anything she liked, she just launched into this.
"What?" This is a stalling tactic; I need more time to come up with an answer. An answer, or is it an excuse? I'm not sure anymore. Whenever I talk to mom, it sounds more like an excuse than anything else.
"I mean you're great." Well, that one's going straight to my ego. "I don't understand how someone like you isn't married with three kids for you to shower your affections on." Join the club Mattie; sometimes I don't understand it either.
Good lord, what am I supposed to tell her here that doesn't have me coming off like some sort of loser? "I'm not really sure myself. Part of its the lifestyle, part of its my own fault and the rest has been bad luck." The lifestyle drove Annie away and to a degree Renee. The 'my fault' category accounts for most of Renee and all of Jordan. I'm sharing the blame with Mac. The bad luck above all else is Diane. I have no idea which of these is keeping Catherine at arm's length from me either. I haven't spoken to her since I unloaded on her. I'm sure I came off sounding excessively needy and I'm at a loss as to how to explain to her otherwise. I still think we could be something together.
"Did you ever, you know, think about it?"
"Marriage, yeah I have."
"What happened?" I'm not sure I want to talk about this. When I remember Diane, I don't want to remember how she slipped away from me. The images of her still, cold, form have been forever burned into my memory. I try to remember the good times. All the things we went through at the Academy, all the good times we had together afterwards. Her unflinching loyalty, compassion, and the love she gave me, especially after I crashed and struggled to rebuild my life. I was a fool to ever let her go for even a minute without telling her how much I loved her. If my brain had been firing on all cylinders, I would have given her no more than a year after all that before making her my bride. "If you don't want to talk about this I understand completely." I wish she'd stop that; she's always trying to give me the easy way out. I know she's doing it to prevent herself from being hurt or disappointed by those who are supposed to being looking out for her. I don't want that at all. I'm going to be there for her whenever she needs me. She just needs to understand that.
"No it's all right. I just don't talk about it often." Mattie doesn't say anything; I think she knows I'm trying to gather my thoughts. "She was my best friend from the Naval Academy. We were inseparable; she did more for me than just about any other man or woman in my life. She loved me and I her."
Mattie looks at me, waiting for me to continue and probably wondering how something that sounds so perfect could not come to fruition. "So what happened?"
"She was murdered. Almost seven and half years ago now."
Mattie just sits there in stunned silence. "Harm... I'm so sorry."
"Its okay, I just try remember the good times we had, the love we shared." It's not okay; if it were okay, I wouldn't have whispered all that. I would have spoken in a normal tone of voice. It still bothers me. I fill Mattie in with all the other details I feel are needed for her to understand the situation. I couldn't tell her all of it, some of its classified, some, like how her killer died I'd rather she not learn.
"How did you manage to get though the investigation? No way could I have done that."
"I'm not sure. I guess I was too busy trying to find her killer." He's dead, that's all she needs to know, but if she asks me a direct question about it, I won't sidestep it, I'll tell her the truth. "Don't think I'm cold or anything Mattie, I cried at least once or twice everyday for at least two weeks after her funeral and every once in awhile for another month."
"I did after mom died too, I guess I still am." I can see the tears welling up in her as she tries to wipe them away. Even though I'm driving, I wrap my right arm around her shoulders and she leans into me as much as she can. I swear I'm going to do everything I can to ease her pain. For the first time in her life since her mother died, she's not going to have to be strong all the time.
1237 ZULU
COMMANDER RABB'S APARTMENT
NORTH OF UNION STATION, VIRGINIA
Mattie's still asleep on the couch as I move about the kitchen. I'm making pancakes and the noise I'm making still hasn't woken her up. I'm not surprised; she was up all night watching the movies we rented. When she started watching 'How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days', I knew it was time for me to go to bed. Before that we had dinner at that Mexican place and when we got home, and she saw the pictures, we got into my life history. I told her all about Dad and what happened to him. Told her about Sergei too. She got to see pictures of Mac, Sturgis, and Bud and Harriet's family. It was when she wanted to see my pictures of Diane that I knew I was in trouble. So, we talked about that too. I told her everything that's happened between us as well. Trying to explain our... well, enigmatic relationship to someone else is tiring at best. After I went to bed, I held pictures of the two side by side. Mac's changed her hair since I first met her, but back then... God almighty. After her uncle was sentenced, I had to get out of there. I was out of my freaking mind; I almost called her Diane three times during that trial. I called Keeter, Sturgis, as well as Meg and got them so worried about me that Keeter and Sturgis showed up at my door within the week. I called Meg because she'd been there with me when it happened. Keeter and Sturgis were Diane's friends too. They were at the funeral. After that trial, I took the first TAD assignment I could get. I think it was a helo mishap aboard the Coral Sea. It took me a month to see her as a different woman. Stirring the batter, I finally hear Mattie groaning over on the couch as she gets up. "Good morning."
"Morning." Mattie gives me a sleepy smile. "Whatcha making?"
"Pancakes."
"I haven't had pancakes is years." That doesn't surprise me. If she does eat breakfast, I'll bet its cold cereal. "Um, can I take a shower?" Like she really has to ask.
"Sure, I left a clean towel and there's a robe in there for you if you want."
"That sounds good." She manages to drag herself to her feet and move to the bathroom. The robe was Renee's. She didn't come back for any of her stuff after she told me she was engaged. I ended up donating most of her stuff away. I don't know why I kept the robe. Hell, I don't even know if she'll use it, it's probably too big for her anyway; Renee was taller than she is.
The pancakes are just about ready when she takes a seat at the kitchen island dressed in shorts and a tee shirt. "That was fast."
"I've never taken a shower where the walls are made out of glass blocks." I suppose she would be uncomfortable with that.
"Yeah, I guess I really wasn't thinking about kids when I designed the bathroom."
Mattie levels a gaze at me that tells me she thinks she know why I built it the way I did. "Meaning you built it to ogle your girlfriends when they didn't know you were watching." That makes me sound like a peeping tom and its still the wrong answer.
"No, usually I'd just join them in the shower." Mattie's eyes widen slightly, I won't believe she didn't entirely see that coming. "I built it because it was cheaper to do it that way rather than a put up walls around it." Mattie looks at little sheepish in response. "How many pancakes to you want?"
"Three should be plenty. Thank you." After she takes her plate, I round up the butter, syrup, and milk and put them on the island front of her as well before sitting down next to her. "I've been thinking about you and Mac?" Yellow light here Rabb.
I'm doing my best to look indifferent. "Oh, what about us?'
"I think you should go after her." Crap. Red light, big fucking red light.
Maybe I should play devil's advocate here. "Why would I do that?"
"Because you love her." Loved her Mattie, loved her. It's all in the past.
"Mattie she knew that already."
Maddie's not convinced. "Does she? Have you ever told her that?"
"Mattie you know what I told you about what happened on the Admiral's porch."
"But all you said was there were some people who were in love with her."
"Mattie, there were only three of us to pick from. One was married; the other's old enough to be her father. Do you really believe Mac had that hard a time figuring out who I was talking about?"
"But did you actually say the words?"
"Mattie if she can't figure out how I feel after I sacrificed everything and rescued her in Paraguay then she'll never know."
"But if you don't say the words..."
"Mattie!" Okay, that was too harsh. "Let me put it this way. A man beats his wife, but tells her he loves her. Which one of the two emotions would you believe?"
Mattie rolls her eyes in frustration. "Harm its not that simple."
"It is that simple. If you're feeling bad and you had to chose between someone wishing you well or someone giving you a hug, which one would you pick?"
Mattie drops her head slightly, glancing at her plate. "I'd want the hug." Finally, she's coming around.
"Words are just that Mattie, words. If you can't back them up with your actions you might as well be lying to them, and a lie hurts any relationship."
"Love sometimes hurts Harm."
"Yeah, but you're not supposed to constantly bleed for it either. All we know how to do is draw blood from each other. She just came to that realization before I did." I'm glad its over, now we can just be friends and things will be a lot happier around here. Yuma was a good example of that. I don't need JAG; I like JAG because Mac challenges me. That's why I like our arguments, she makes me a better lawyer.
Mattie cuts into her pancake and stirs it in syrup absently for a moment. "What would it take?"
"For what?"
"For the two of you to get together?" Oh good lord, please don't tell me she's going to try and play matchmaker.
"She'd have to come straight out and say 'I love you Harm.' to my face, I don't think anything else would do." There's no way on God's green Earth she'll ever do that and there's no way Mattie would be able to convince her to do it either.
"What's my surprise?" Mattie thankfully back off the whole issue with Mac and we finished breakfast talking about safe subjects like flying and my Naval career. Even so we're still a little bit uneasy right now so I'll give in here, but only a little bit.
"Part of it's right behind the desk." Mattie glances in that direction, I know it's killing her. "Go ahead." Mattie scrambles over there and opens the box revealing the leather bomber jacket I had made up for her.
Mattie puts it on in a flash. "I love it! Thank you." It's a little big on her, but at 14, I figure she has about two more years to grow left in her.
"Your welcome, I kinda guessed at your size."
Mattie walks over to me turning around several times to examine herself in the mirror. "It fits fine, this is great."
"Well you needed something for when we go flying."
Mattie smiles even harder and gives me a big hug. Mmmm, gotta love that new leather jacket smell. "Thank you." I'm putting the dishes in the dishwasher when I notice her examining my leather jacket and comparing it to hers. "So these are the squadron patches you used to belong to?"
"Yup." I used to have patches on there for the first 100 and 500 night traps I'd ever done, but after Mace died I tore them off. Those numbers didn't matter anymore. A million perfect night traps wouldn't have made up for that night.
"How come I don't have a call sign or a pair of wings on mine?"
"Are you a pilot yet?"
"No." I shouldn't have to explain that to her. "Well when I get my wings, I want my call sign to read..."
"Oh no you don't." I can't help but laugh. "No one gets to pick their own call sign. Your pilot friends give it to you." There's no way I would've gone by 'Pappy' for six months if that were the case. Only the CAG gets that kind of privilege.
"Okay so what's my call sign?"
"First of all you're not a pilot yet, secondly it takes time. Sometimes your name comes from your personal background or an impression you give the other guys, or from an embarrassing incident that happens in front of them. Or it's just a play off of your own name or some bodily feature."
"You're kidding right? You pilots don't seriously spend that much time devoted to picking out someone's name do you?"
"Sure we do. When you're stuck on a carrier there's not a lot to do."
"So how did you get your name? Sounds a little too cool for your buddies to have given it to you."
"They did give it to me, it was at the end of my tour right after I saved two of our guys from possible capture when their bird was going down, and it was my father's call sign." "You must have been proud."
"And I still am."
1745 ZULU
PATUEUX RIVER NAVAL BASE
PATUEUX RIVER, MARYLAND
We're here for the other part of Mattie's surprise. She was so interested my flying career I thought I'd show her my ride. I'm not going to be able to take her up in a Tomcat, but she can at least sit in the cockpit. Never mind, this surprise, its not about Mattie at all, it's all about me. That's why I got her the jacket, that's why I brought her here and that's why Lieutenant Winters is standing on the wing of the Tomcat parked next to us taking pictures of us as I point out various things in the cockpit. I wonder what dad was thinking when he did this with me. Whatever it was, he was probably paying more attention to me than I am to Mattie.
"Harm!?"
"Sorry, what was it you were saying?"
"I said are these the ejection handles?" Mattie asks pointing towards the overhead handle.
"There's another one between your legs."
Maddie lightly grasps that handle. "So if I pull this I'll shoot right out of here?"
She must have seen that in a movie or something. "No, not quite. There's nine safety pins that need to be pulled first. When my RIO and I take off, we do that in our preflight checks. Otherwise the pins are always in place to prevent accidents from occurring."
"You love this handle don't you?"
"I don't love it, but it's saved my life a couple times, yeah."
"And this?"
"That's the HUD."
"What?"
"Sorry, Heads Up Display. It lets us fire a missile or our guns without having to squint through a scope or target sight." There's a lot more to it than that, but we'll stick with the simplest usage. After ten more minutes of explaining various panels in the cockpit, Mattie's ready to come down. She was slightly disappointed that she was going to get a ride, but she took it well. Sandy Winters climbs off the neighboring bird and walks over to us.
"Here you go Sir, there should be plenty of good pictures in there for you to chose from."
"Thanks Sandy. Mattie, this is Lieutenant Sandy Winters. I've flown with her before."
"Hi."
"Hi yourself, what did you think of the Tomcats?"
"They're great, just wish I could have gone up."
"Yeah the CO's bit of a stickler on that point." Mattie converses with Sandy briefly while I watch a pair of our new joint strike fighters taking off. With that single engine, it looks a little too much like a F-16 for my taste. Regardless, she's sleek bird, and I'm sure she's a joy to fly. "Sir?"
"Yeah?"
"Look I gotta take off, you don't need anything else do you?"
"No, thanks a bunch Sandy." I shake her hand and return her salute. "Say hi to Scott for me." She blushes slightly, I don't know why. Its not like it's a secret anymore. He works for Lockheed/Martin now and he's happy there considering. "You ready to go home?"
Mattie's watching a Hornet landing and turns around. "Why? You got a date or something?"
"There's friend of mine coming to my place today and he going to help me with our case. I need to meet him there. I figure by the time we drive back and get something to eat we'll meet him at the front door."
"Okay."
"I thought that was your car. You haven't been waiting long have you?"
Sturgis shakes his head. "A few minutes, who's this?"
"Mattie Grace meet Commander Sturgis Turner." They exchange pleasantries as we head into my place. They're still talking when I finish changing and go to the bathroom. When Mattie see me coming down to the living room she heads for the bathroom herself.
"She's a good kid Harm."
"Responsible as hell too, and I want her."
"You know that because her father's..."
"Yeah I know. Because he's alive, he's technically still her guardian."
"Have you considered the fact that if this motion makes a lot of noise in court and her relatives on her father's side were to find out what's going on, that they might make a claim for guardianship as well?" I can feel the wind being let out of my sails, I never thought about that. "A judge would probably rule in favor of her blood relation rather than a single, military man."
"Well then we need to keep this quiet and as short as possible."
"I think your going to need your other character reference Harm. The judge is going to have your military record in front of him, and while its certainly distinguished its also going to show a high propensity for overseas travel and your unusual tendency to get into trouble. The fact that part of your file is sealed isn't going to help matters either."
"You make it sound like this is going to be impossible." Shit Mattie just heard that. She's standing at the top of the stairs with an uncertain look on her face.
"Mattie don't worry about it. Harm is one of the best men I've ever known. I don't believe the judge is going to turn down his request unless your father was to suddenly take an interest in you again. I'm just playing devil's advocate here, we need to be ready for everything." Thank you Sturgis for saving my ass.
Mattie nods, but looks uncertain. "Harm can I watch T.V in your room?"
"Sure". I haul it up onto my dresser and plug the T.V in there. "Mattie, Sturgis and I are two really good lawyers. We'll find a way to make this work okay?" Mattie smiles back at me, "Okay".
We ran through my case quickly and we were discussing his when I heard the door knock. Mattie's be content to watch movies in my room the entire time. When I see who it is, I have to quell the urge to knock his head off. "What do you want Webb?"
"Nice to see you too Rabb." God I hate that smirk on his face. He tries to push his way inside, but that's not going to happen. I've got something like 8 inches and thirty pounds on him. "Aren't you going to let me in?"
"Not a chance, what do you want?"
"Lets talk inside."
"No we'll talk right here."
Webb shoves me back a bit. "Rabb quit being an asshole..." 'Crack' Oh that make some noise. I caught him with a solid right hook to the his jaw and Webb's immediate fall has turned out to be wonderfully satisfying as well as quite comical in the way he landed.
"Clay!" I was about to shut the door when Mac's voice registered. Turning around I can see her kneeling beside him.
"Wow Webb, you brought Mac here on a date. You sure know how to show a girl a good time." Sturgis has shown up at the door a smile on his face as well when he takes in the scene. Mac glares at Sturgis and me as Webb rubs his jaw, I'm sure the makeup he probably wears will cover up the bruise. "I've always wanted to clock one of your boyfriends."
Mac leans Webb up against the wall and takes a step in my direction, now I know she doesn't want to fight. "Will you grow up? Your petty jealousy is pretty sickening to watch."
"You really think it's all about you don't you. This is my home, if I don't want him in here, he doesn't past the door." This is partially about her, the rest is all about Webb firing me.
"I think it is." Webb's brushing off his coat and patting himself where I know he keeps his side arm. I know that move is intentional too.
"I'm not afraid of you or your gun. You can't hit shit with it." Mac turns towards Webb in question. "Come on Mac, you really don't believe he goes anywhere without a gun do you?" In all fairness, its a smart move on his part and its Company policy. He's got too much locked away in that annoying little head of his to risk capture.
Webb spits some blood onto the ground; I must have cut his gums or something. "I don't need a gun to threaten you, there's a little court matter of yours I could always interfere with."
I can feel my blood boiling. "Only if you have a death wish."
When Webb smiles, I can see the blood on his teeth. "Then lets talk and avoid all that." I don't want Mac to know about Mattie just yet.
"Mac stays outside."
"Fine." Mac's look of disbelief moves from me to Webb as he walks past me.
I smile at Mac. "If you hear a crash and girlish scream it's just Webb being thrown through a window. She opens her mouth to say something back, but I'm already shutting the door.
Webb tries to head for the living room, but I steer him into the kitchen, the furthest spot in my place from the bedroom. Sturgis is in the living room trying not to over hear us, but we both know he's catching every word. "Make it fast, and don't even think about telling Mac anything about my case."
Clay tosses a folded piece of paper on the island. "Your life isn't something we normally talk about, but what the hell is this?"
Son of a Bitch, this is copy the wedding invitation Sergei sent me this week. "You've been reading my mail?"
"Oh get over yourself, you know damn well we monitor ex-agents. Especially those who've been exposed to extremely classified information and those who've been disavowed from the company. You're both of those things."
"So I suppose my phone's tapped too?"
Webb cocks an eyebrow at me. "What do you think?"
"What does this have anything to do with Sergei's wedding?"
"Let me run this by you. A known CIA operative who has been exposed to the public is traveling to Russia with a complete knowledge of our activities, safe houses, agents, and development areas in his head? Is there any kind of fucking alarm going off your head like it is in mine?!"
"So what, I passed the interrogation testing the company put me through, and thanks to you the torture endurance was much harder than it needed to be."
"Still wasn't hard enough."
"Oh so everyone has to suffer like you did because you were just stupid?"
"You're not going to Russia." Webb states matter-of-factly
"Fine then get Sergei and his fiancé a green card, line up a job for him and convince him to move back to the States, and have his wedding here."
"I've already dragged your brother here once, I'm not doing it again."
There is just no getting through to this man. I'm going to have to give a little bit here to get what I want. "I'll stay at the Embassy in Moscow instead of a hotel then."
Webb shakes his head. "Not good enough."
"Where am I exactly going to go? I'm standing up for his wedding, I can't exactly disappear in the middle of it."
"Is that supposed to be comforting to me?"
"Then send a female agent with me. I'll pretend she's my date." Webb actually seems to be contemplating that suggestion.
Webb motions me close, I understand this isn't something Sturgis needs to hear. "If I were to consider that... who would you have in mind?" A dozen different girls run through my mind. Catherine's one of them, but I'd never put her though something like that nor could she handle it if things went south. There's a few agents I crossed paths with that I thought were pretty damn hot, but I guess I want someone I can have a good time with, where there's no expectations involved.
"Beth O'Neal."
"She's a pilot, you think she can pull that off?" She posed as a hooker didn't she? I think she can pull off looking like my date. Christ if she'd come up to my window like that, I'd have paid her for sex.
"I know she can."
"We'll see."
"You had to come charging in here didn't you? A simple phone call would have taken care of all of this."
Webb gives me a wane smile. "Guess I don't like to do things the easy way."
"I don't think either one of us do. Look, Webb, about the jaw."
Webb waves me off. "We'll call it even for firing you in the first place." Nodding my agreement, I walk Webb out to the door. Mac doesn't look pleased at either one of us. Just before I shut the door, I can hear her going off on him, asking him 'What the hell that was all about?' I lean up against the door and smile.
0016 ZULU
MATTIE GRACE'S RESIDENCE
BLACKSBERG, VIRGINIA
I've just finished carrying some groceries into her house. I'm convinced she doesn't eat well enough. It's surprisingly clean too; I was expecting it to be a lot dirtier in there. "Well except for that CIA guy I had a really good time."
"So did I. And there's going to be a lot more good times ahead of us." Sturgis and I pounded out a strategy on Saturday. For me as well as for him should he need it. Then on Sunday, he stopped by after church to watch football with Mattie and I. I think she was really fascinated by all the submarine adventures he told. If that's what interests her, I've got a few good sub stories of my own.
"So I'll see you next week?"
"Next weekend. I want to really crack down on my cases. Sturgis is going to help me with our petition so don't worry okay?"
Mattie smiles "Okay".
"Good, you set for the night?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine. You can go."
"Just checking, good night Mattie."
"Good night Harm." I'm out the door and onto her front when I hear her running after me. "Harm?"
"Yeah?"
Mattie walks up to me and gives me a hug, which I return in kind. "Thank you for dragging me to Washington."
"Your welcome." I wait on her porch until she's inside and locked the door before heading to the Lexus. Dad, help us push this thing through. I love that girl and whether she knows it or not. She needs a daddy who loves her. I don't know what you felt when you had me in that Phantom cockpit, but if the pride and love I felt for her when I had her in that Tomcat is any indicator, then I know I'm doing the right thing. Watch over her dad. Watch over her until the courts will let me do it full time.