Author's Note: Okay lets clear up one thing right away and answer what might be a later question for all our non-aviation type readers out there, CFIT stands for Controlled Flight Into Terrain. A big thanks to those who gave reviews as well as those sending me personal e-mails your responses are most appreciated.

1946 ZULU COMMANDER RABB'S APARTMENT NORTH OF UNION STATION, WASHINGTON D.C

A liability? Even as I watch Mac drive off from up here, I can't believe she said that. I've never been called that before in my life. Okay so maybe I can't help her, but I sure as hell can do something about my situation here. At least I think I can. There's still a lot I can't hear and I don't think I've felt this weak since my dip in the Atlantic. Between the temporary hearing loss, the temporary amnesia, and the half a dozen concussions or so I've suffered, I'm afraid the next blow to my head is going to cause something a lot more permanent. Now that I know Sadik's in town, I'm a little more grateful that I haven't been able to contact Catherine in the past couple of days. First of all, I can't hear shit so I couldn't call. I couldn't drive because my equilibrium and motor skills are still too fucked up to trust myself getting in behind the wheel and there's no way I'm letting Mattie do it. Well that's assuming that Mattie would even be willing to do something like that. She still doesn't like Catherine and its all my fault. I'd sleep better if I knew that Sadik either doesn't know about her or doesn't care. I'm sure he did his homework on me, but I haven't seen Catherine in about a week. It's frustrating as hell to know I can't protect her. All I can do is hope he doesn't go any further into my life beyond me. If he were to do something to her that would cost her, her baby I could never live with myself. The same is true for Mattie... and Jen when I think about it. They're like the daughter and sister I never had.

"Was that Mac leaving?" Damn it I still didn't even hear Mattie and Jen walk in.

"Yeah."

Jen follows me as I turn away from them. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." Jen can tell that I'm lying, but before she can say anything, I mouth 'later' to her. Thankfully, she goes along with it for now. "Does anyone want anything to drink before we continue?"

Mattie empties what's left in her glass. "I'll have another coke."

"Jen?"

Jen quietly regards me for a moment. She's probably trying to figure out what I'm not telling her. "No I'm good." Just walking over to the frig still requires my complete attention to avoid looking like some kind of idiot. At least its clearing up, now I only get dizzy when I stand up too fast or try to move too quickly. When I was at Bethesda, I couldn't walk from my bed to bathroom without grabbing onto something or staggering around like a drunk. Thank God I have Jen, she's been amazing lately and right about Mattie a lot more than I'd like to admit. She was right; lying to Mattie would have been disastrous if she'd learned the truth later on.

"Okay, that's two, four, double letter score on the 'U', that's 8 points for me."

"Duh is not a word you can't cheat like that."

"The rules say we can use slang words."

"Where does it say that?" Mattie picks up the cover and reads a portion of the rules. "Lemme see that." Scrolling down the list of rules, I find that we're both right. "It says everyone playing has to decide whether or not to include slang words. We never did."

"We didn't say they were illegal either." She's been paying too much attention to me, she sounds like a lawyer. Looking over at Jen I can see she's trying to hide a smile by taking a drink and then looking away from me.

"Alright, fine, 8 points, but let it be known they're scored under protest."

"Your protest is noted, 8 points for me please." Begrudgingly, I add to her running total. If we're allowing slang in, I'm going to be destroyed by these two. The other thing my temporary disability has done is make Mattie much more assertive. She still went to school yesterday, but she fought like hell not to. I had to promise to stay at Bethesda until Jen could take me home after work. I think she enjoyed giving me orders. Actually, I'd be more afraid of what Jen would demand of me if she knew she could get away with it. She's in the Navy, what enlisted man, or woman wouldn't want to order a senior officer around? As for Mattie, I was in no position to argue with her, I could barely walk at a normal pace let alone keep up with fully functioning fifteen year old. All of this has left me with a newfound respect for the challenges the deaf face in their lives on a daily basis. The doctors told me how lucky I was that I didn't get any acid in my eyes from the explosion. I don't think anyone can argue the fact that being blind would be far worse than losing just my hearing.

Its Jen's turn and by the fact that she picking up a lot her tiles I'm not going to like this. "Okay 'nitpick', double word score, that's thirty big ones." Ugh, I was roped into this thinking that my lawyer's vocabulary would be the deciding factor. Now I feel like I've been conned. I guess that's appropriate, she used to do it all the time. I'm learning the hard way that Jen is a scrabble freak, mom used to be like that too. I don't know how these words jump out at them like that.

Jen gets up and walks to the kitchen. "Where are you going?"

Jen turns around and smiles at me. "The timer went off." It did? Damn it, this is getting ridiculous. I couldn't do a whole hell of a lot today so I decided I could at least do some cooking; make a nice dinner for a change. If they weren't here I would have burnt the damn thing and all that effort would have been for not. By the time, Jen and Mattie talked me into the game the lasagna had been baking for nearly two hours. Getting up I walk over to join her at the oven and peer inside at the pan of lasagna baking there. There's meat in it of course, I'd say Mattie doing an excellent job of weaning me back on to red meat. Pulling out the pan, I leave it sit on top of the stove.

"Well it's done, when do you guys wanna eat?" I don't know when exactly we stopped asking Jen to join us, doesn't matter I guess, feeding her is the least I can do for her after everything she's done for me.

"Mattie where's your homework?" We've only just finished the meal. Jen wanted to finish pounding Mattie and me into the ground. Consequently, she gets to drive my Corvette instead of her Taurus when she gives me a ride into work tomorrow. The Admiral won't let me come back in without a chauffer apparently and all I'm going to be allowed to do is push paper around all day. Sturgis replaced battery for me and dropped it off here while I was still in the hospital.

"In my room, its done, do you want to check for me?"

"Sure, let me do the dishes and we'll go over it together."

Mattie gets up out of her chair. "I'll do the dishes, you check my homework." Mattie pauses as she gets up. "Uhhh, I shouldn't have eaten so much, I'm stuffed." Jen and I are clearing the table as she closes the door behind her.

Jen grabs my arm as I dump the plates and glasses into the sink, preventing me from going back for another load. "Okay spill it." I should have known she'd jump all over this. "What is it you wouldn't tell me before?"

"Do you remember the terrorist Mac and I were chasing all over Paraguay?"

"Vaguely, I don't recall any specifics, why?"

"Well because apparently the next round is going to be played in our home court. Sadik Fahd is here in D.C."

Jen's mouth drops and she points at my head. "Is he responsible for that?"

"Mac thinks so and I'm inclined to agree with her."

"Is he going to be coming back for you?"

"I don't know, maybe Mac was right, maybe he just wanted me out of the way. In any case, I want you to be particularly careful okay. If you see anyone suspicious or get any weird calls, let me know. I don't want him coming after you two, I'd rather he focus his attention on me."

"I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself." Maybe so, but I won't let her while Mattie's in the same room.

"Are you armed?"

"No."

"Well, he will be. I want him to come to me, not you two."

"Why aren't you telling Mattie?"

There's not a chance in hell I'm going to worry her pretty little head about this unless it's absolutely necessary. "She doesn't need to know. She's got enough to deal with on her own without having to look over her shoulder on top of it."

Jen sighs and heads back to the table as I fill the sink with soapy water. "What about you?"

"I've got a gun, I'll be fine."

"Sir you can't even hear somebody knocking on the door how are you going to hear someone picking the lock to get in?"

"And someone with good hearing would in the middle of the night?" She has to concede me that.

Jen sets the pan of lasagna back on the stove and leans back against the counter a worried frown on her forehead. "I still don't like it."

"What's to like? There's a psycho out there and I wish I'd killed him months ago." I'm so glad I insisted upon the dead bolt lock on their door. If they didn't have it, I'd be giving Jen my Beretta. I know she knows how to use it. "I seriously doubt he's going to come back."

"If you really believed that you wouldn't be telling me this."

"I'm just being careful."

"And what if Mattie sees something or gets a call and doesn't know she might be in danger?"

"The CIA are on him or they're going to be. I'll give it one day, if they don't have him by then, then I'll tell her." I was going to say more when Jen looks at the door. One thing I will say, when I lost my hearing I've learned to read body language a lot better. I'm curious to know how much more my other senses would have improved had I lost my hearing permanently. Right on cue, Mattie walks through the door, her backpack slung over one shoulder.

"Well that's understandable Bud nobody takes the death penalty lightly."

"I sure could use your help on this one sir."

"Look I'll be in the office tomorrow, we'll go over it together all right?"

"It's going to be good to have you back sir. Everybody here was pretty worried about you."

"For a while there I was too Bud. When they were taking me into the hospital at Bethesda I was afraid it was permanent and that I'd lose Mattie."

"Mattie wouldn't leave you if you were deaf sir."

"I know, I was just thinking about the Juvenal court. There's no way I would have been allowed to keep her with that kind of injury." I nearly called it a disability. Yes that was it would be, but I don't want to call it that while I'm talking to Bud.

"I suppose not."

"Has Mikey called yet?"

"No, I just tried his number again. I still only get the machine."

"You understand that I couldn't order him to pick up the phone. I thought it would be best if he did it voluntarily."

"I understand that... I'm just frustrated with his stubbornness."

"He'll come around Bud, it's the one thing you can guarantee about family, they always come back." Well maybe it needs a disclaimer, at least my family does. They come back unless they're sent off to war.

"I guess. Well I'll let you go sir, Harriet's probably wondering what's keeping me."

"Tell her I said hi."

"I will, goodbye."

"Goodbye." Setting the phone down, I turn around to see that Mattie's disappeared. "Mattie?" There's still two dishes in the sink and her backpack's leaning up against the island where I left it after I checked her English and Geometry homework. She must have left to get something from her room. I finish the dishes for her and plunk down in my chair to read until she comes back. Twenty minutes later I'm tired of waiting, maybe she was trying to give me some privacy for the phone call with Bud. I pick up her backpack to bring it back to her when the phone rings again. "Hello?"

"Harm? It Catherine."

"Hi, what's going on?"

"I just want to call you and tell you that Sadik's dead."

"When?"

"About ten minutes ago." Now that's what I call rapid intelligence. He's not even cold yet and I know he's dead. "Colonel MacKenzie shot him in the head."

"What happened?"

"She wore a wire and drew him right in. When he heard the sirens they got into a fight and she shot him." Way to go Mac, she can probably chalk that one up under a revenge driven killing as well as self-defense.

"So how did you find out so quickly?"

"Because once the FBI finds out about this there's going to be a big pissing contest between the two over who should have had jurisdiction."

This only serves to irritate the hell out of me. "And they want you heading this up in your condition? You're due in less than a week."

"That's why I'm calling."

"Your going into labor?!" Please God; tell me she's not, not while I can't drive.

"No." Oh, thank you God.

"Then what was it?"

I can hear her sigh into the phone. "I wanted to hear your voice, I miss you, and everything in my life seems easier some how when you're around."

Oh, that wonderful woman. "I miss you too. The Admiral won't let me drive myself in tomorrow so it'll probably be this weekend before I can come over."

"Okay, oops, I gotta go Harm I've got a call on the other line."

"Catherine?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks for calling."

"You're welcome Harm."

Mattie opens the door, a guilty look on her face doing so. "Hey you forgot this."

She takes it from me, looking it over. "Oh, thanks, I was wonder where I left it." She's lying, and it's so obvious.

"Why did you leave?"

"I thought you needed some privacy for your phone call."

Time to end this farce "Mattie".

I follow her into her bedroom as she sits down on her bed. "Why do you have to go into work so soon?"

"Because I need to get back in the saddle again. I'm just going to be in the office all day."

"I don't think you're ready to go back."

"Mattie I can't stay at home all day and you're not going to miss another day of school so forget about even asking for it."

"But you can't even drive yourself into work."

There's something a lot deeper than just this going on. "Mattie what's this really about?" She doesn't answer me and I think I'm getting the picture here. "Is it because I'm getting my hearing back that you think I won't need you anymore?"

"It was just nice taking care of you for a change."

"Do you remember what I said when you first came here and I didn't like the idea of you living down the hall?"

"No."

"I said, 'I need you to look after me.' Does that ring any bells? Look, whether you know it or not Mattie you are one of the few people who give my life direction and a sense of purpose outside of the Navy and JAG. I'll always need you." We talk for a few more minutes telling each other how much we mean to the other. As we hug, Mattie looks towards the bedroom door, whatever it is that's drawn her attention, its too soft for me to hear.

Mattie maneuvers me around and sits me down on the bed. "Mattie says stay." I glare at her only briefly as a big smile comes to her face when she sees that I'm complying.

"You realize that this is going to end by the time I get back from work tomorrow."

Mattie's smile grows even bigger, though I don't know how that's possible. "So long as it works now." When she leaves the room, I hear muffled conversation in the other. They know they can talk softly and I won't be able to hear them. Less than two minutes later, my curiosity has gotten the better of me as I poke my head out. What I see shocks me; Mattie and Jen are hugging in the middle of the room, Jen wiping tears from her eyes.

"Are you okay?"

Mattie spins around as Jen finishes wiping away her tears. "I'm fine sir."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes sir."

Mattie laughs, pointing a finger at me. "You were supposed to be in the room sitting quietly." Oh, this must be her trying to discipline me.

"I was curious, I wanted to know what was going on."

"Curiosity killed the cat."

"Not this cat, I've got a lot more than just nine lives." Truth be told I've lost track of how many times in the course of duty I should have been killed. Well the real truth is I don't want to know either.

"Okay mister, out of the room. Out, out, out."

"Hold on. Jen?"

"Yeah?"

"That thing we talked about earlier, it's not a problem anymore."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive, its been taken care of."

Jen releases a big sigh of relief. "That's good to know."

"What are you guys talking about?"

I don't even look at her, I'm afraid she might see through me. "Sorry, that's classified Mattie. We can't tell you."

"Come on, I promise I won't say a word."

"You don't have the need to know." This is the first time I've had to do this to her and by the looks of it Mattie doesn't like it. I guess I could have told Jen tomorrow morning, I doubt that's why she was crying, but why make her fearful for even a second longer than absolutely necessary?

1241 ZULU APPROACHING JAG HEADQUARTERS FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA

I'm convinced Jen must have driven the get away vehicles for some of her more unscrupulous friends. My concern for the reason she was crying last night ended as soon as she stared the car and started driving. She's been weaving in and out of traffic like a crazy woman, laughing the entire time. "God I love this car!"

"I'd like to love my car in one piece if you don't mind."

Jen only looks at me with a big smile on her face when I'd give anything for her to just watch the road. "What are you scared?"

That's a hell of a thing to ask me. I'm a fighter pilot who's punched out three times and preformed a CFIT on top of it. "Only of my increased insurance rates if we get in a car accident."

We shoot through several more intersections, most of them on yellow lights and maybe even one partly on a red, we're going too fast to be sure when exactly the light changed. When we reach the guard shack, she brings my baby to a sudden stop. "Hi Jack."

'Jack' peers inside the car looking over at me in the passenger seat as we flash our ID's. I imagine the guards are going to be more alert after what happened to me in the parking lot. At least I hope they are. "Jen, Commander. How'd you manage to get behind the wheel of this fine piece of machinery?"

"Don't ask Corporal"

Jack locks it up at attention and gives us a salute. "Yes sir, you're free to go ahead." Jen proceeds to stomp on the gas and squeal the tires before zipping into the parking lot. The way the seat belt dug into chest when we stopped is closest a car ride has ever come to reminding me of a trap in a Tomcat.

"I love this car."

"Keys, you can love it with your eyes from now on." Jen hands over the keys and walks with me through the front door. "Jack?"

Jen smiles, but doesn't look at me as we step into an elevator. "He bought me a drink last week."

"Oh?"

"That'll all I'm going to say on the matter so you can stop fishing Commander."

"Very well, I'll just have to ask Mattie I guess."

"See if I care."

As the doors open we walk in different directions, but it isn't long before Bud comes knocking on my open door. I was hoping to get some coffee in me before I started working with Bud on the Maravalis case. "Ready to get cracking Lieutenant?"

"Yes sir, but the Admiral wants to see you, me and Commander Turner in his office right away."

"Okay, afterwards lets get some coffee. You've got all of our files in your office correct?"

"Yes sir."

"Good then we'll do this in your office." Leading the way to the Admiral's office I see Sturgis inside as I knock on the Admiral's door."

"Enter."

"You wanted to see us sir?"

"Yes, first off its good to have you back Commander."

"Thank you sir, its good to be back."

"I saw or rather heard your car pull in this morning. I thought I ordered you not to drive here."

"Yes sir, but that wasn't me, Petty Officer Coates and I came into work together."

His eyebrows rise up. "How are you feeling?" I guess that's a reasonable question, after letting Jen drive I'm questioning my sanity too.

"Good sir, give me another day and I'll be turning hand springs."

He looks slightly amused at the idea. "Try to refrain. Now then, last night Colonel MacKenzie was involved in a hostage situation with a terrorist named Sadik Fadh, a terrorist I believe you know well Commander."

"Yes sir, she talked to me just before it happened."

"Then you know she killed him last night and prevented a terrorist bombing."

"I do."

"I talked to her this morning and ordered her to stay out of the office until at least next week Thursday morning. Now, that said I've also pushed the Maravalis matter back to a week from next Wednesday at 1400. Commander you have until then to make a decision, I know I promised you next week off, but with Colonel gone, I can't spare you for that long. I'm giving you today off instead, be back here on Tuesday."

I wonder were he's going. Where ever it is, based on how disappointed he looks he must have been looking forward to it for a while now. "Sir my initial assessment of the case leads me to believe the death penalty isn't warranted in this situation."

"Save your opinions until you talk to Colonel MacKenzie Commander."

"Yes sir."

"Good, dismissed."

"You really think that?"

Sturgis spins to face me as we pass just outside of Jen's desk. "Is that really so hard to believe?"

"No, its just unexpected. I thought the convening authority was pushing for the death penalty."

"Unless Mac knows something I don't, I see no reason to take it that far. I'm going to see to it that he's gets 10 years though Harm."

"Sturgis he made the plea bargain based on the facts he knew at the time. How was he to know Van Dyne would get into his safe deposit box?"

"If he'd said something about Van Dyne earlier I'd have taken that into consideration. As it is he's going to get ten, be glad for his sake its not life or the needle."

"So much for an easy return to work."

"How are you feeling?"

"Well I'm not playing ball tonight if that's what you're asking."

"Looks like they're going to have to make due without either one of us."

"Well it's a good thing they're playing the God Squad."

Sturgis laughs. "Hey ease up on the God Squad, my dad roots for them."

"Where are you going anyway?"

"New Orleans, I'm meeting Varese there."

"Oh, well, have a good time. We'll just be up here working while you're having fun."

Sturgis laughs again. "Playing your pity card Harm, that's unlike you."

"Well I'm not exactly fully functional yet so I have to do what I can."

Sturgis slaps me on the back, still chuckling. "I'll see you later buddy."

"Later". Sturgis dips inside his office, picking up his briefcase and cover before heading for the elevator. "Well Bud I think we should go over it anyway, just in case he changes his mind."

"You think he will sir?"

I'm not sure, Bud closes the door behind us as we enter his office and sit down. "Well depending upon what Mac knows he might. Do you have the tape of your conversation with Lieutenant Maravalis and Mac?"

"Yes sir."

"You got a tape player in here?"

"Yes sir."

"Good, I'd like to hear it."

"Sir, Colonel MacKenzie has dossier on Lieutenant Maravalis that Agent Van Dyne gave her. Maybe we should get a look inside to see what he was telling the CIA. If the CIA thought he was tracking the source of diamonds and Maravalis thought he was on a mission and undercover. Van Dyne playing both sides could help us gain some leniency with Judge Helfman."

"That's good thinking Bud, but we'll need Mac's permission to access that file."

"I can handle that sir, I know you have a follow up hearing test at Bethesda this afternoon."

Isn't anything in my life private anymore? "How did you know that?"

"Um, Mattie called in to remind you just before I came to get you."

"I don't suppose you're doing anything later on this afternoon?"

"You want a lift sir?"

"Jen makes me afraid for my baby. If you want, you can work on something else now and we can work on the Maravalis case to and from Bethesda. I'll buy you lunch."

Bud smiles at the prospect of free lunch. "Then I'd say you got yourself a lift Commander."

"Good, I'm going to get some coffee, I'll see you later."

I take my time coming to attention as the Admiral comes into my office. I don't think I'll get dizzy if I stand up too quickly anymore, but I don't want to chance it in front of the Admiral. "Sir."

"At ease Commander."

"Was there something you needed sir?" God I hope not, I was just tidying up my office before I called it a day. Bud and I ran through our defense strategy, bouncing ideas off one another to and from Bethesda. My hearing's up to 98% based on my scores from my last flight physical. One more day and I'll be good as new.

The Admiral drapes his coat over the chair in front of him and sits down, setting his briefcase and cover in the chair next to him. "How are you feeling?"

"Good sir, my hearing's back to normal."

"Glad to hear it. Look I'm here to talk about work."

This doesn't sound good at all. "I trust there hasn't been any complaints regarding my performance as of late sir."

"No, you're doing a fine job. Look I know that we've been pushing it hard lately."

I manage to laugh at that. Controlling the behavior of others is like trying to control the weather. "You can't control how many people do something stupid and find themselves in trouble sir."

"I know that, but we've been running high number of cases through this office for some time now. I know Colonel MacKenzie, Commander Turner and yourself are very competent lawyers, but everybody needs some down time."

"Like Sturgis' trip to New Orleans? Did you suggest that sir?"

"No, he requested it, but I was all in favor of him going. I wanted to give him the whole week, but with Colonel MacKenzie's situation I felt she needed it more than he did."

"Understandable sir."

"Eventually I'd like you to take some time off, go flying, spend some time with Mattie, whatever. If possible, I'd like to start rotating the leave between the three of you. I don't want any one getting burned out on me."

"Yes sir."

"I'm on my way out, are you just about finished here?"

"Yes sir."

"Then walk with me." The Admiral waits for me at the doorway as I toss a few files in my briefcase, a few more in my file cabinets and grab my cover. "Talk to me about the Maravalis case. Where does the defense stand in terms of the death penalty?"

"Sir Commander Turner told us he didn't think it would be justified in this case."

"He'll change his mind once he talks to the Colonel." That throws me off as the Admiral punches the button for the elevator. Does he know something I don't?

"Sir?"

"Wait for the elevator Commander." Once we're inside and the doors shut the Admiral hits the halt button. "There was a lot of interesting talk at the highest levels when I was at the Pentagon today. The diamonds Lieutenant Maravalis stole and sold to Agent Van Dyne were handed over to Sadik Fahd."

That's old news. "I'm failing to see the connection sir, Lieutenant Roberts and I are already working under that assumption."

"Well let me enlighten you Commander. Sadik Fahd used the diamonds to buy a PAL supposedly from our own arsenal." My blood runs cold when that sinks in. For all the experience I have with nuclear weapons, it still floors me to hear that.

"You're kidding? How the hell did that happen? Do we know where it was stolen from?"

"No to all three, the Secretary of Defense has ordered an immediate lock down on any nuclear arms transportation and all nuclear facilities and weapons depots have gone to threatcon delta. All of the branches are to inventory all of their nuclear triggers immediately to look for discrepancies. The only reason I was included in these conversations is because of Mac's involvement and because we're prosecuting Lieutenant Maravalis."

"Where's the nuke coming from?"

"We don't know or least aren't being told by those who do."

"And with that knowledge there's no way the convening authority is going to accept anything less than the death penalty." I sigh at the possibilities for disaster in this case as the Admiral pushes the button to restart the elevator.

"Correct Commander." What a day.

Everyone in our path offers salutes as we walk out to our cars. Turns out the Admiral's parked next to mine and Jen's there waiting for me, smiling hard as she leans up against the back of my baby. As we get closer, Jen holds out her hand, she wants the keys and the Admiral seems to be holding back a laugh. "I'm driving Petty Officer."

"Commander."

I know I'm not going to like what comes out of his mouth. "Sir?"

"When I said no driving, I meant all day. You will hand over those keys."

Jen gives him her biggest smile possible. "Thank you sir. Commander?" Grumbling I hand her the keys as she dashes over to the driver's side door and unlocks it. Looking into the Admiral's SUV I can see him laughing at me. "Come on sir, let's go." God help me. Getting in, I barely have my seat belt on before Jen peels out of the parking lot. This is not how I want to die.

1310 ZULU FOUR DAYS LATER JAG HEADQUARTERS FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA

This is so much better than last Friday. Pulling into an empty spot, I kill the engine and lock the door. Jen tried just every conceivable means to get herself behind the wheel over the past weekend. Walking past the break room, I see Jen coming out with a cup of coffee and a smile on her face. "Good morning Commander."

I slow down to allow her to catch up with me. "Morning Jen."

"How was your drive to work this morning?"

"Relaxing thank you."

"The Admiral wants to see you in his office as soon as you drop off your stuff in your office."

"Thanks." Veering away I make for my office and toss everything inside before showing outside the Admiral's office door knocking.

"Enter." Walking in my eyes widen when I see Mac standing there in front of his desk. I thought she was going to be gone until Thursday. Sturgis is going to be pissed his leave was cut short.

"You wanted to see me sir?"

"At ease Commander. Corporal Hal Strange, United States Marine Corp, served in Panama during Operation Just Cause and went out on disability retirement a year later after separating his shoulder."

"Just Cause that was the mission to capture Noriega wasn't it?" I feel swell of disgust build up when the Admiral hands over the files and I skim through it. I hate guys like this, for some reason they can't be proud of their service to their country and have to go around adding lies to it to pad their so called careers. As an official Silver Star recipient, this pisses me off. That feeling doesn't last long though; Mac's attitude is baffling me. I try to keep my eyes on the Admiral, but I can't help one curious glance at her. What in the hell is she doing? I'm sure Jen's glad to know Mac's surpassed her on the Admiral's irritation meter. I pick up their conversation just in time to catch my involvement in this case.

"No, that will not be all. Commander, you'll prosecute."

"Aye, sir."

"Now you're dismissed."

"Aye, aye sir." Mac turns and zips right out of the Admiral's office as we watch her leave. The Admiral heaves a big sigh as he leans back in his chair.

"Sir I thought she wasn't coming in until Thursday."

"I know, the Colonel called me twice yesterday asking to come in early. She assured me that she was fine and that she wanted to get back into the game."

"Do you think she's ready sir? She seems a little...off."

"I just hope she doesn't make me regret the decision, if her work on this cases suffers there's going to be hell to pay."

"Mac's effort on the case isn't going to matter because I'm going to bury Corporal Strange."

That produces a slight grin on the Admiral's face. Given his recent turn of events with Meredith, I'm glad for that much. Even though I'd never tell him, I'm pretty sure I'd react the same way he did. He was betrayed on the deepest level possible. He hasn't told us that Meredith cheated on him, but that has to be it. Nothing else I can think of would stop their relationship dead in its tracks like that. "I thought you'd be mad at him. Truth be told, he insults me too. Little bastard has nothing better to do than give himself metals and pass himself off as a hero?"

I can't help but laugh. "This guy can't even lie well enough to fool a reasonable adult. Apparently he's no better at lying than he is at being a Marine." That does get a laugh out of the Admiral. Civic groups are generally composed of the elderly, and schools, well the kids just like the violence. "How was he discovered anyway? Was someone who knew him in the crowd he was speaking to?"

"It there in the file, I believe a heads up principle or perhaps a nosy principle informed the Marine Corps."

"So he looked on the back on metal and saw it that wasn't his?"

"I believe so. You're dismissed Commander."

"Aye, aye sir." Walking out of the Admiral's office, Jen gives me a smile as I pass her. Yeah, she heard him too. In the bullpen, Mac's busy making duplicates of her files. "Hey, what's going on?"

Mac looks up, an irritated look on her face. "What makes you think anything's going on?"

"Nothing, you okay?"

"I'm fine, why do you ask?"

"You just seemed a little different in there is all."

"Oh, is that what you and Chegwidden were talking about in there?"

"No we were discussing the case, you would have been free to join in." Mac places the next sheet in the copier and pushes the start button. "You know none of this is necessary. Plead guilty; I'll drop the fines and confinement. Corporal Strange makes restitution to the school, leaves with a dishonorable discharge and loses all of his benefits."

"What's with the generous offer, you don't think you can win this one?" Why's she so defensive?

"It's the best you're going to get Mac, otherwise I'm going to take it all the way, and I'm going to win."

"He's not going to go for it Harm." How does she know that, she hasn't even met the man yet?

"Then I'm going to bury him."

"Go for it." That should have rattled her at least a little bit, but she doesn't even appear to care one-way or the other.

2410 ZULU COMMANDER RABB'S APARTMENT NORTH OF UNION STATION

As the door slams behind Mattie on her way out I walk over to the counter top, grip it in my hands, and close my eyes to keep the world from spinning so damn fast. What a day, maybe when I open my eyes this will all have been just a bad dream, damn. After Mac went absolutely berserk on my witness and was thoroughly dressed down by Colonel Blakey and I'm assuming Admiral Chegwidden judging by his tone of voice when he called her into his office. Now I've got Mattie and her dad and the whole circus act that comes with it to deal with. I honestly can't believe she said that to me, I've always been happier that she's in my life. Am I really being that big fool to believe that she felt the same way? Her issues with trust obviously still need to be worked on. I thought I'd proven to her that I want her in my life. We were just talking about five days ago, what happened between then and now? Whether Mattie knows it or not, I'm right about this. I know Mac was glad that she'd gone to her dying father's bedside. If Mattie waits that long she'll always regret it. I grab nearly all of the remaining slices of pizza and toss them on two plates before I grab my coat. I pause before grabbing the keys to the Lexus. I've already got his daughter; I don't need to show him up even more by taking him back in the Corvette. By the time I get out there, Tom's putting out his cigarette.

"I don't know about you, but I'm starving. I thought you'd like some too."

Tom accepts the plate as we walk to the elevator. "Thank you Commander."

"Call me Harm, Tom."

"Thank you for letting me visit Mattie, Harm."

"I'm sorry she wasn't more receptive to you. I told her how inappropriate I thought her actions were."

"Is that why she came storming out and headed down the hall like a raging hurricane?"

"She thinks I'm taking your side in all of this."

"Does she live down there?"

I wish she didn't. "She's living there with a co-worker of mine until I can get a house. I pay her half of the rent." Tom doesn't say another word until we're in the Lexus and he looks up at my building.

"She really hates me doesn't she?" Good Lord I am not a psychologist, how did I get into this mess?

I pause only long enough to start the engine and pull out of my parking space. "She still misses her mother. I think she's still too close to her death, it hasn't even been a year, and not enough time has passed so it's still too fresh in her mind. She hasn't had enough time between then and now to allow herself to really begin to heal."

"I don't think eternity will be enough time for her to forgive me."

"In time she will, and when she does she'll wish she had done it a lot earlier."

Tom stops in between bites of his slice of pizza, a hopeful look on his face. "You sound like you're talking from experience."

"Well not myself per se, but a colleague of mine was in a similar situation as Mattie. Her father was an abusive alcoholic who roughed up her mother quite a bit, from what I understand. Her mother ran off and abandoned her on her sixteenth birthday, leaving her with her father. She eventually became an alcoholic as well."

Tom waves his hand at me. "Wait a minute are you talking about that female Marine who talked to me about Mattie on Christmas Eve?"

"Yeah, anyway her uncle helped straighten her out and get into the Marines. Then about five years ago her got a notice that her father was dying of cancer. She didn't want to go, but I talked her into it. By the time she got there, he was already in a coma. She forgave him by his bedside, but he never woke up. Unless you believe people in comas can hear things, he died thinking she still hated him. When she came back, she told me how much she appreciated the push I gave her to see him. I don't want Mattie to end up like that, forgiving you when it's too late. She should have a relationship with you, you're her dad."

"You know you're unusually understanding about all this, I would have expected you to hate me nearly as much as she does."

"Well I really never knew my own father, he was shot down over Vietnam when I was five. I've thought about him every day of my life and what I wouldn't give to have just one more day with him. If Mattie were to never see you again, she'd wish for the same thing and I don't want to see that happen either."

Tom finishes his last piece of pizza before cracking open the window and lighting his cigarette. "You don't mind do you?"

"No, go ahead."

"So how is she in school?"

"Pretty good, she's smart, does her homework."

"Does she play volleyball a lot?"

"Um they haven't played a game yet."

"Would she mind if I went to a few? I wouldn't have to talk to her, I'd just like to see her play." This has to be so hard for him, I couldn't imagine what it would be like, seeing another man with my child. A child who loved him more than she did me. Well right now, it's a toss up anyway.

"I'll ask." I'd like to tell him the real reason she's mad at me too, because she thinks if she gets along with her father that I'll send her back there to live with him. I'd like to tell him that, but what could I expect to gain out of that? He wants his daughter back, I won't fuel that fire.

1803 ZULU JAG HEADQUARTERS FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA

"Hmmm toys. What happens when you get bored with suburbia Harm? Are you going to just lose interest in Mattie like you did your brother? He preferred life in Russia, to being here and being ignored by you. You fight to draw people into your circle just so you can push them away again."

"You know this isn't about me losing interest in Mattie, you think I'm losing interest in you." I'm about ten feet away when I stop and turn around. I don't what the hell I said that for, but the hurt has been replaced with anger and I'm ready to give her a bigger piece of my mind when Sturgis comes out of his office and blocks my path at the retreating Marine. "Excuse me." Sturgis moves again to block me as I try to get around him. "Will you please move?"

"No, come with me."

I try again, but he's still in front of me. "Sturgis now's not the time."

"No, now's not the time for what you're about to do. Let's go."

"Go where and what is it you think I'm going to do?"

"You're going to continue a fight you don't need. Let her run around pissed off at the world, you've got better things to do than be reprimanded by the Admiral for acting like a child."

Oh that's just great, he's taking her side. "I'm a child! She just said..."

"I know what she said and if she'd said it to me I'd be mad as hell too, but you're going to let it go because like you said; you're the one with adult responsibilities now. Be the grown up, and let the little girl have her temper tantrum." I'm tired of little girls and their tempers. First, it was Mattie, now I've got Mac to contend with too. "When do you have to be back in court?"

"1500, why?"

"I buying you lunch, lets go." Part of me, hell most of me still wants to go after her and fight. "Now Commander." I guess he sees it too. Sturgis takes the file from my hands and tosses it in his office before shoving me towards the elevator.

I don't say anything to him until we're reading the menus at the cafeteria. "Ugh, lets go upstairs, grab our covers, and go someplace decent." Sturgis look unsure, but it only takes me a few minutes to convince him otherwise. Thirty minutes later, our waiter has taken our orders in a restaurant across town. "Sergei's not even my fault, we couldn't prove his paternity. INS was going to ship him out long before he could have become a citizen, and I didn't get bored with my own brother, I can't choose where and when duty decides to send me. When it wasn't a carrier or some other ship, it was Saudi Arabia and then the tribunal, then Afghanistan, then Bud. When exactly was I going to find all this free time to spend with him?" I've been going on like this entire time since we left JAG. I'm sure Sturgis is reconsidering his offer or wishes he had.

Sturgis hold up his hands in surrender. "You don't have to justify your actions to me."

"Well you're not letting me do it to Mac, so deal with it."

"Alright then, go ahead and blow off your steam."

What does he think I've been doing this whole time? Actually, I'm not going to be able to keep this up much longer. I'm sure he won't mind. "Where the hell does she get off insulting me like that? Just because her life's going to hell doesn't give her the right to rip into everyone else."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you admitted to being wrong?"

"I always say I'm sorry when I say something mean or hurtful."

Sturgis shakes his head at me; I don't know why, I answered his question. "No I mean when was the last time you admitted you were wrong."

Processing, processing, okay I got one. "When we court marshaled Stuart Dunston. I admitted I was wrong about my opinions of the media."

"That's all you can come up with?" Well what the hell does he want?

"I don't go around spouting off at the mouth and I don't lie to get myself ahead in life so I don't know what it is you expect from me." This is all wrong; I shouldn't be taking it all out on him like this. Start over Rabb, and talk to your friend. "I'm sorry Sturgis, its just that with all the challenges I've faced regarding Mattie I could have given up on her literally dozens of times and I'm still here, taking care of her, trying to provide her with the future she deserves. I am not going to get bored with her and give up on her. Further more, why would Mac vouch for me in court if she thought that I was going to turn around and abandon her?"

"Does Mattie feel this way?"

"Yes." It's hard explaining to Sturgis the entire mess between Mattie, her dad, and myself, but I'm thankful that I did. By the end of my summary of the situation, he's got a good idea. Forget that, Alateen is great idea. Well, if Mattie decides to give it a try it will be.

Sturgis leans back in his chair and sighs. "About Mac. Do you think she might be internalizing all this? Projecting the abandonment she felt from her mother in her youth to you here today?"

"Do you mean am I losing interest in her?"

"In a manner of speaking, yes. Are you?" I'm not sure anymore.

"Let's just say I that I rarely like who I am when I'm around her. As a friend and colleague, I care, but that's as far as I want to take it. Taking the brunt of her abuse isn't something I'm willing to do anymore. All it does is piss me off and then my mouth starts running ahead of my brain. You know I hate to say this, but since Paraguay, my indifference towards her has grown. There was a time when I used to care about everything little thing that happened in her life. Now, when she's like this, I really couldn't give a damn." For his sake, I hope Webb knows what he's getting himself into because it can't be any better than what I've just gone through.

"Harm?" We spent about an hour over lunch talking about Mac, Varese, and Catherine. It's nearly 1500 and after a quick stop to my office and Sturgis' to retrieve my file, I'm standing outside the courtroom with Sturgis.

"Yeah?"

"There's no point in starting a fight in there, you and Mac are too good of friends to let a fight like this snowball until its out of control."

He's right of course, but I won't let her off the hook entirely. "I know, thanks for lunch and for stopping me back there too."

"You would have done the same for me."

"What do you say to a beer tomorrow night? I'm buying." Sturgis' sign of acceptance is his trademark grin as he jabs me in the shoulder and walks away.

Okay, so maybe he did what he'd always claimed he did. Colonel Blakey still delivered the guilty verdict I wanted. Corporal Strange is getting roughly, what I offered Mac before this whole circus swung into town. Things are better between Mattie and me now. At least she realized how poorly she was behaving, as for Mac... I don't know, she kinda explained her behavior, but I didn't hear an apology in any of it. I still haven't heard 'I'm sorry', but I don't really expect one either. I've never gotten one before so I don't know why this should be any different. I don't really care anymore and I don't know why it weighs on my mind as little as it even does. I'm going to have a quick drink with Sturgis after work today and I'm hoping Matte will give me the answer I'm looking for in regards to the Alateen meetings. I left Mac with Corporal Strange in the courtroom as I gathered my things and headed out of there. Walking into the bullpen it isn't hard to see the good in my life and people in it. Bud's just walked back into the bullpen, talking to Sturgis. I'm glad to see them on friendly terms again. Then there's Harriet and Jen, and even though we're still feeling each other out again the Admiral and I are on much better terms now. Mac's still on the list of the good things in my life even if she's become someone I don't recognize right now too. However, it doesn't end here either; JAG is not all I've got anymore. When I go home, Mattie will be there, waiting for me to check her homework and listen to her day. The best part is she'll want to know about my day. How I feel about certain things. I may not be the best at explaining them to other people, but I love the fact that she asks and is genuinely interested in what I have to say. That's why I try to be as open as possible with her. I set my briefcase down on an administrative Ensign's desk who is currently elsewhere as I stop, look around, and watch the people in my life going about their business. My life may be unconventional and difficult at times, but it's my life and I love it. You could never get me to part with any of it willingly.