Men In Suits
A slightly Quentin Tarantino-inspired Yu Gi Oh! fan fic by Heavens to Bikini Kill
--------------
Six: Men With Money
--------------
So yeah, I got drunk. And yeah, I stumbled into the apartment a little after midnight. And yeah, I fell asleep on the sofa.
About an hour later (I know this because the digital clock vaguely read one twenty-seven), Honda walked in through the door, smiling broadly. He saw that I had awakened, and marched over to me in the fashion that most men adopt when they are about to brag about getting some action. He halted, saw me, and turned on his heel to his room rather quickly. Smart man.
Later that morning, I crawled over to my room and dug through my closet, trying to ignore the pounding headache that was screaming for painful attention. I lazily slipped on my work uniform, and tried to fix my awfully messy hair. Then I dragged my two-ton self to the kitchen, where milk and cereal poured directly into my mouth served as a proper breakfast.
Honda walked in, in his own uniform. "So," he asked innocently as he pulled out a bowl, "what'd you do last night, other than getting drunk?"
"Eh?" I was far too tired to fully register what Honda had said.
"What. Did. You. Do. Last. Night?"
"Oh." I suddenly remembered two dangerously jealous, but remarkably attractive men screaming at each other and looking at me. "Um... will you believe that Kaiba and Yuuki were two seconds away from killing each other?"
"What?" Honda's eyes widened to the size of saucers. "You serious?"
"Very... why wouldn't be?" I looked at Honda carefully. "Is there something I should know, Honda?"
Honda's face turned very, very red. "Um... you see, I was talking to Yuuki a few days ago, and..."
"And...?" I encouraged.
"And somehow the conversation became about Kaiba. Yuuki was saying stuff about how he'd be willing to kill him if he tried to hurt you."
"What?!" I nearly dropped the carton of milk I was holding. "You told him that Kaiba isn't trying to hurt me, right?"
Honda rolled his eyes. "Well, seeing as I don't have a clue what's going on between you two, no."
"Shit! What else did he say?"
"The hell are you so worried about? Anyhow, I said I agreed with him. The guy is an asshole. I think I told him about our little trip to Kaiba Land..."
"The one where you nearly got squashed to death by his flying blocks?" [A/N: For those of you who have no clue, in Volume Four of the Yu-Gi-Oh! manga, Kaiba made Yuugi, Anzu, Jou, and Honda go through Death-T, the theme park of death. One of the games involved a completely empty room, where the victims would have to dodge huge blocks falling from the ceiling. The gang climbs up the blocks to the exit, but Honda gets his coat trapped and a block seals off the exit. So yeah, he nearly died thanks to Kaiba.]
"Yeah, that one."
"Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Do you realize what's going to happen now? Yuuki's going to bring that up, then Kaiba's gonna get all pissed, and then they'll really try to kill each other!"
Honda laughed. "You're exaggerating. They may both be really into you, but they're not homicidal. Just obsessed. It's sad."
My fist told him to shut the fuck up.
----
Work was irrelevant. I stood at the bank's entrance, eyeing every patron as if to say, "I have my eye on you." It's funny that in only two hours, I would be running off with all that I could carry. Rent-a-cop thief. Ha ha ha.
I went off to lunch break and my cell phone went off ringing. I checked the caller ID and found that it was Kaiba. Probably confirming our positions. (NOT in that way, fool!) "Hello?"
"Jou. Are you and Honda ready?"
"Very much so. All we need is you to get into the bank."
He paused. "Do you realize that Yuuki's borderline insanely obsessive about you?"
Oh GOD. We're about to risk our clean (for the most part) criminal records for a spot of money in a very public place and Kaiba can only really think about how much he dislikes Yuuki?! Am I the only one who's normal anymore? Don't nobody CARE about stuff other than this "love" thing? HUH?!!
My lack of an answer and nearly audible sigh prompted Kaiba to press on. (Why? I don't know.) "Look, Jou, you and I both know that Yuuki's a bit... touched. He fantasizes everything in life. What kind of a future could you possibly create with that? What about having a family? A nice house? Nice jobs?"
My head hurt really badly from a mix of hangover and irritation. "Kaiba."
"Yes?" I could hear him holding his breath expectantly.
"Shut up."
He released his respiration system half-heartedly and hung up.
----
And so the Hiroshima operation began.
Kaiba marched through the bank's entrance as if he owned the place and everyone in it, but believe you me, he definitely does not. (I don't care how rich he is, I don't care what everybody says, he can't own a bank, he can't own a country, he can't own any government organizations, and he can't own people.) A manager of some sort scurried up to him, bowing deeply and probably hurting his back some, and led him behind some more doors. The escort through the bank's safes had begun.
Fifteen minutes passed by and I waved my fist at some rowdy teenagers, and Honda gently tapped the gun sitting at his side. I still wonder who thought it was a good idea to give Honda a gun. He hasn't abused it yet, but you know what they say about short fuses...
My cell phone rang once more. Caller ID said Yuuki. "Hello?"
Yuuki spoke in rapid, fluid Spanish. "Katsuya, Kaiba's in. The WiFi hub is on the electronic lock. You and Honda need to move."
I nodded to Honda and we both went down to the basement, where the escort was guiding Kaiba through the safes, showing him their top-notch (ha!) security. I tapped one of the guards on the shoulder, signaling that it was time to switch out.
I swear I saw Kaiba smirk as Honda and I flanked him closely. We were all walking in the opposite direction of the proper safe, but in about three minutes time, we were to switch out with another pair of guards.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw one of the previous guards, Eiri, in the shadows, changing very quickly into an all-black outfit, and expertly placing a plastic face upon his own. He was to serve as a doppelganger, a faux thief that all of the security guards would identify as the man running out of the basement, but the police would never find.
Three minutes later, another pair of guards tapped us on the shoulder, informing us it was time to switch out. The idea was that if various guards went through the basement, they wouldn't get enough time to try and steal anything. No, they don't trust us.
Honda and I fell back carefully, making sure that no one was paying us any mind. My phone vibrated, signaling a text message from Yuuki that read, "Lock open, 1 min 4 DG 2 get in. Follow him. PS: SK = asswipe. Xplain l8tr." I think that if I continue to roll my eyes this often they might really get stuck that way. I nodded to him and we both slowly walked down the hallway, breathing remarkably softly but noting that we were still achieving an echo. The place was just so... cold and creepy.
We stopped outside of the safe that our doppelganger was in, where he was pretending to stuff a sack of loot. "Three... two... one... now."
We burst into the safe, grabbing Eiri roughly around the shoulders and throwing him to the cement floor and holding him there. Honda whipped out his walkie-talkie and recited some code related to attempted burglary. Within five seconds, we all heard footsteps thundering down the hallway. Eiri smirked and whipped out a knife, falsely lashing out at my torso. I fell back, releasing Eiri's arms. He sprinted forward, dropping his bag behind him. A crackling at Honda's radio, and we were told that the others would try to catch the "thief."
I picked up the bag and pulled out some certificates, bonds, checks, and precious jewels. I placed them back in the box that had been emptied and closed it tightly. Honda confirmed over the radio that "The idiot ditched his bag and everything is in it's place. Nothing stolen."
I could hear the manager's smirk. There was no way that this bank was going to report an attempted robbery. I hoisted the bag over my shoulder and walked out of the safe with Honda, closing the heavy titanium door behind us. A random guard ran up to us, first to congratulate us on our arbitrary find, then to state that somehow the thief had gotten away.
For a reward, we were let out of work early. Nobody noticed the bag that I was still clutching.
When we got back to our apartment, Yuuki, Kaiba, Akito, and Eiri (minus the fake face) were all waiting with a few bottles of scotch and sake. Honda's grin filled the room as he grabbed the bag and emptied out stocks, bonds, jewels, and yen bills all onto the kitchen counter.
I've never been more drunk and happy at the same time in my entire life.
[A/N: NO, it's not over. They only got money from one bank... should I do a chapter for all six banks? (Psssh, no. You don't want to read all that.) And besides, there's no closure on how this SetoxJouxYuuki thing's going to end. I've got so many ideas for ending, I might have to write up alternate endings just to please all of the different brain bugs. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go drool over Jesse Michaels (aka Yuuki, they're supposed to look exactly alike, because Jesse Michaels is the definition of sexiness...GOD I love Operation Ivy...). Review! All you non-reviewers... I'll go to YOUR stories and not review... how'd you like that, huh?? See you next week.]
A slightly Quentin Tarantino-inspired Yu Gi Oh! fan fic by Heavens to Bikini Kill
--------------
Six: Men With Money
--------------
So yeah, I got drunk. And yeah, I stumbled into the apartment a little after midnight. And yeah, I fell asleep on the sofa.
About an hour later (I know this because the digital clock vaguely read one twenty-seven), Honda walked in through the door, smiling broadly. He saw that I had awakened, and marched over to me in the fashion that most men adopt when they are about to brag about getting some action. He halted, saw me, and turned on his heel to his room rather quickly. Smart man.
Later that morning, I crawled over to my room and dug through my closet, trying to ignore the pounding headache that was screaming for painful attention. I lazily slipped on my work uniform, and tried to fix my awfully messy hair. Then I dragged my two-ton self to the kitchen, where milk and cereal poured directly into my mouth served as a proper breakfast.
Honda walked in, in his own uniform. "So," he asked innocently as he pulled out a bowl, "what'd you do last night, other than getting drunk?"
"Eh?" I was far too tired to fully register what Honda had said.
"What. Did. You. Do. Last. Night?"
"Oh." I suddenly remembered two dangerously jealous, but remarkably attractive men screaming at each other and looking at me. "Um... will you believe that Kaiba and Yuuki were two seconds away from killing each other?"
"What?" Honda's eyes widened to the size of saucers. "You serious?"
"Very... why wouldn't be?" I looked at Honda carefully. "Is there something I should know, Honda?"
Honda's face turned very, very red. "Um... you see, I was talking to Yuuki a few days ago, and..."
"And...?" I encouraged.
"And somehow the conversation became about Kaiba. Yuuki was saying stuff about how he'd be willing to kill him if he tried to hurt you."
"What?!" I nearly dropped the carton of milk I was holding. "You told him that Kaiba isn't trying to hurt me, right?"
Honda rolled his eyes. "Well, seeing as I don't have a clue what's going on between you two, no."
"Shit! What else did he say?"
"The hell are you so worried about? Anyhow, I said I agreed with him. The guy is an asshole. I think I told him about our little trip to Kaiba Land..."
"The one where you nearly got squashed to death by his flying blocks?" [A/N: For those of you who have no clue, in Volume Four of the Yu-Gi-Oh! manga, Kaiba made Yuugi, Anzu, Jou, and Honda go through Death-T, the theme park of death. One of the games involved a completely empty room, where the victims would have to dodge huge blocks falling from the ceiling. The gang climbs up the blocks to the exit, but Honda gets his coat trapped and a block seals off the exit. So yeah, he nearly died thanks to Kaiba.]
"Yeah, that one."
"Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Do you realize what's going to happen now? Yuuki's going to bring that up, then Kaiba's gonna get all pissed, and then they'll really try to kill each other!"
Honda laughed. "You're exaggerating. They may both be really into you, but they're not homicidal. Just obsessed. It's sad."
My fist told him to shut the fuck up.
----
Work was irrelevant. I stood at the bank's entrance, eyeing every patron as if to say, "I have my eye on you." It's funny that in only two hours, I would be running off with all that I could carry. Rent-a-cop thief. Ha ha ha.
I went off to lunch break and my cell phone went off ringing. I checked the caller ID and found that it was Kaiba. Probably confirming our positions. (NOT in that way, fool!) "Hello?"
"Jou. Are you and Honda ready?"
"Very much so. All we need is you to get into the bank."
He paused. "Do you realize that Yuuki's borderline insanely obsessive about you?"
Oh GOD. We're about to risk our clean (for the most part) criminal records for a spot of money in a very public place and Kaiba can only really think about how much he dislikes Yuuki?! Am I the only one who's normal anymore? Don't nobody CARE about stuff other than this "love" thing? HUH?!!
My lack of an answer and nearly audible sigh prompted Kaiba to press on. (Why? I don't know.) "Look, Jou, you and I both know that Yuuki's a bit... touched. He fantasizes everything in life. What kind of a future could you possibly create with that? What about having a family? A nice house? Nice jobs?"
My head hurt really badly from a mix of hangover and irritation. "Kaiba."
"Yes?" I could hear him holding his breath expectantly.
"Shut up."
He released his respiration system half-heartedly and hung up.
----
And so the Hiroshima operation began.
Kaiba marched through the bank's entrance as if he owned the place and everyone in it, but believe you me, he definitely does not. (I don't care how rich he is, I don't care what everybody says, he can't own a bank, he can't own a country, he can't own any government organizations, and he can't own people.) A manager of some sort scurried up to him, bowing deeply and probably hurting his back some, and led him behind some more doors. The escort through the bank's safes had begun.
Fifteen minutes passed by and I waved my fist at some rowdy teenagers, and Honda gently tapped the gun sitting at his side. I still wonder who thought it was a good idea to give Honda a gun. He hasn't abused it yet, but you know what they say about short fuses...
My cell phone rang once more. Caller ID said Yuuki. "Hello?"
Yuuki spoke in rapid, fluid Spanish. "Katsuya, Kaiba's in. The WiFi hub is on the electronic lock. You and Honda need to move."
I nodded to Honda and we both went down to the basement, where the escort was guiding Kaiba through the safes, showing him their top-notch (ha!) security. I tapped one of the guards on the shoulder, signaling that it was time to switch out.
I swear I saw Kaiba smirk as Honda and I flanked him closely. We were all walking in the opposite direction of the proper safe, but in about three minutes time, we were to switch out with another pair of guards.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw one of the previous guards, Eiri, in the shadows, changing very quickly into an all-black outfit, and expertly placing a plastic face upon his own. He was to serve as a doppelganger, a faux thief that all of the security guards would identify as the man running out of the basement, but the police would never find.
Three minutes later, another pair of guards tapped us on the shoulder, informing us it was time to switch out. The idea was that if various guards went through the basement, they wouldn't get enough time to try and steal anything. No, they don't trust us.
Honda and I fell back carefully, making sure that no one was paying us any mind. My phone vibrated, signaling a text message from Yuuki that read, "Lock open, 1 min 4 DG 2 get in. Follow him. PS: SK = asswipe. Xplain l8tr." I think that if I continue to roll my eyes this often they might really get stuck that way. I nodded to him and we both slowly walked down the hallway, breathing remarkably softly but noting that we were still achieving an echo. The place was just so... cold and creepy.
We stopped outside of the safe that our doppelganger was in, where he was pretending to stuff a sack of loot. "Three... two... one... now."
We burst into the safe, grabbing Eiri roughly around the shoulders and throwing him to the cement floor and holding him there. Honda whipped out his walkie-talkie and recited some code related to attempted burglary. Within five seconds, we all heard footsteps thundering down the hallway. Eiri smirked and whipped out a knife, falsely lashing out at my torso. I fell back, releasing Eiri's arms. He sprinted forward, dropping his bag behind him. A crackling at Honda's radio, and we were told that the others would try to catch the "thief."
I picked up the bag and pulled out some certificates, bonds, checks, and precious jewels. I placed them back in the box that had been emptied and closed it tightly. Honda confirmed over the radio that "The idiot ditched his bag and everything is in it's place. Nothing stolen."
I could hear the manager's smirk. There was no way that this bank was going to report an attempted robbery. I hoisted the bag over my shoulder and walked out of the safe with Honda, closing the heavy titanium door behind us. A random guard ran up to us, first to congratulate us on our arbitrary find, then to state that somehow the thief had gotten away.
For a reward, we were let out of work early. Nobody noticed the bag that I was still clutching.
When we got back to our apartment, Yuuki, Kaiba, Akito, and Eiri (minus the fake face) were all waiting with a few bottles of scotch and sake. Honda's grin filled the room as he grabbed the bag and emptied out stocks, bonds, jewels, and yen bills all onto the kitchen counter.
I've never been more drunk and happy at the same time in my entire life.
[A/N: NO, it's not over. They only got money from one bank... should I do a chapter for all six banks? (Psssh, no. You don't want to read all that.) And besides, there's no closure on how this SetoxJouxYuuki thing's going to end. I've got so many ideas for ending, I might have to write up alternate endings just to please all of the different brain bugs. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go drool over Jesse Michaels (aka Yuuki, they're supposed to look exactly alike, because Jesse Michaels is the definition of sexiness...GOD I love Operation Ivy...). Review! All you non-reviewers... I'll go to YOUR stories and not review... how'd you like that, huh?? See you next week.]