Brotherhood Evolution: 100 Ways to Main Pietro
Time for some humor… And this was the first thing that popped into my head. Keep an eye on the Maim Counter, which will be in parentheses. () Now on with the twisted insanity…
********************
The Brotherhood of Bayville Boarding house
"We could always shooting him with a gun. (1)" Toad said to Blob, who was writing furiously.
"A classic, but that's good…" Blob said as Mike and Betsy walked into the room.
"What in the hell are you two doing?" Betsy asked as Mike hopped onto the couch and relaxed.
"Writing down ways to kill, hurt and main Pietro." Toad answered simply.
"How many do you have?" Mike asked as he stretched out on the couch.
"So far twelve." Toad said. "We got a using a knife to stab him, (2), Using a hatchet on him, (3), A rusty butter knife to eviscerate him, (4), A chainsaw, (5), Dismemberment by ravenous Hamsters, (6), A gun, (1) Setting loose rabid monkeys wielding hammers on him, (7)"
"Rabid monkeys..?" Betsy asked as she shook her head.
"We also got burying him alive, (8), Setting a man eating tiger on him, (9), Locking him in a room with Richard Simmons, (10) tying him down and having several fat men give him a Yokozuna, (11) and Impaling him on a sharp stick (12)." Blob continued.
"That's twisted." Mike muttered. "What about beating him over the head with 9 Iron (13)?"
"Or maybe hurling Bricks at his head? (14)" Betsy added as she sat down.
"That's good." Blob said. "Or how about tying cement blocks to his legs and throwing him into a river? (15)"
"That's twisted." Lance said as he and Wanda walked into the room. "What about scooping out his spleen with a spoon? (16)"
"What are you nimrods up to?" Wanda asked simply.
"There's always the old "Stick a red hot poker up his but." (17)" Toad stated. "Hey babe. We're just thinking of creative ways to mangle your brother."
"We also got the very painful, "Torture of a Thousands Cuts" (18) as well as the old fashion "Salt in the Wounds" (19)" Mike stated.
"I could always shadow walk him into the artic and leave him there naked. (20)" Betsy said simply.
"But that would require you to see him naked." Lance pointed out as Betsy than shuttered.
"We could always shave him bald. (21)" Mike said.
"Na. We've done that to Wolverine to many times…" Lance said simply. "We could stick a gerbil up his ass? (22)"
********************
Xavier's
"When I find Pietro, I'm going to dice him three ways from Sunday. (23)" Logan said as Beast, Xavier, And Ororo rolled on the floor in laughter at the fact the Wolverine was Bald… Again.
********************
Back at the Brotherhood House
"We could soak him in gas and set him on fire. (24)" Toad stated.
"Or tie him up and leave him in the woods. (25)" Betsy said.
"We could always tie him to a stick in the middle of the desert, coat him in honey and then get a trail of fire ants leading to him and watch as he gets eaten alive. (26)" Blob said simply.
"That's disturbing…" Lance muttered. "I like it. Or how about using a dull knife to poke out his eyes? (27)"
"That's good." Mike pointed out. "We could also use said knife to take out his tongue, that way he can't talk anymore. (28)"
"I could always make him explode from the inside out. (29)" Wanda stated with a smile. "Or just stop the blood from going to his brain, causing him to have a seizure. (30)"
"I could use my tendrical to choke him to death. (31)" Mike said. "Or use them to hang him. (32)"
"I could do that with my hands as well. (33)" Blob said with a smile. "Or I could just squish him (34), Crush him (35), or just plain beat him to a bloody pulp. (36)"
" I could erase his mind. (37) Stab him with my Katana (38), Shadow walk him to the center of the earth (39), or just kick him hard in the jimmy. (40)" Betsy said as she smiled at sat down on Mike.
"I could crush him between my tremors, (41) Sent Seismic vibrations into his skull causing his head to explode, (42) Or just cause large boulders to fall on him. (43)" Lance said with a smile. "Oh, and I can run him over with my Jeep. (44)"
"I could drown him in my slime, (45) Break his legs with a ballpoint hammer, (46) or just strangle him with my tongue. (47)." Toad said with a smile.
"We could lock him in the Danger Room when it's on its highest level without any safety parameters. (48)" Wanda added.
"We could try and get him to juggle chainsaws. (49)." Toad said simply. "Or we could force feed him fifty gallons of cream corn. (50)
"We could always stick a stick of dynamite up his ass. (51)" Mike said.
"Or how about turning him inside out (52)?" Betsy added.
"We could tie him to the hood of the jeep and drive into a wall. (53)" Blob said.
"Not to my jeep…" Lance warned. "But we could shoot him to death with marbles from paintball guns. (54)"
"That's disturbed." Mike said. "How about locking him in a room with a bunch of Anti-Mutant thugs that have pointy things? (55)"
"Or we could force him to eat his own eyes. (56)" Toad said. "Or take off his little man and make him eat it. (57)"
"Urg…" "Betsy muttered as she ran into the bathroom and promptly threw up. The rest of the boys covered their private regions and stared daggers at Toad.
"Anyway… We could have him eaten by a wild Bear, (58) Lion, (59), or Panther (60)" Wanda said.
"Make him wallow in vomit until he dies of the smell. (61)" Betsy said as she emerged from the bathroom. "Or just force him to watch as we burn his room down. (62)"
"We could just lock him in the burning room. (63)" Wanda said with a smile. "But there's always the taking off of his limbs. (64)"
"Good idea, but instead take off his legs only, (65) that way he can never run again." Toad said with a smile. "We could also nail him to a door, (66) and slam it into the wall a few times. (67)"
"We could slit his throat… (68)" Mike said simply. "It's a classic, but still good."
"I have always preferred the shooting in the spine with a shotgun. (69)" Blob said simply. "That and dropping a building on him. (70)"
"We could always crash a Plane, Boat, Motorcycle, and flaming Bicycle into his unconscious form. (71,72, 73,and 74)" Toad added.
"I still wanna just run him over with a golf cart. (75)" Mike said. "That, or rip out his lungs with a hatchet. (76)"
"We could behead him with an Axe (77)?" Wanda said.
"Or lock him in a air tight room and fill it with water. (78)" Betsy said.
"And than through in Sharks so that he gets eaten alive. (79)" Blob added.
"Or toss in a TV and electrocute him. (80)" Toad said. "Maybe attach a car battery to his nuts. (81)"
"What is it with you and Pietro's nuts?" Mike asked as he looked at Toad strangely. "By the by, we could inject him, with poison. (82)"
"Or make him ingest carpet cleaner. (83)" Betsy said. "We could also get him on the FBI's most wanted list, (84) Have him hunted by Interpol, (85)"
"I could rip his arms off… (86)" Mike said simply. "And then beat him with them. (87)"
"We find and let Mystique get a hold of him in a tiny room (88)?" Wanda said.
"We could rig him with explosives and blow him up. (89)" Lance said with a smile. "Or we just take a rusty chainsaw to him. (90)"
"How about sticking him in a sauna and never let him out, thus he dries up (91)? We could do that, or bury a screwdriver into his head. (92)" Blob said.
"Ho about sending him to Iraq dressed up in nothing but cloths made out of the American flag (93)?" Toad said. "Or we have him walk around Harlem dressed like a member off the KKK. (94)"
"Of send him into the deep-south in a dress and see what happens. (95)" Betsy said.
"Or have him walk into a bike bar dressed like a really gay guy. (96)" Wanda said with a wicked smile. "And then tap dance on his body while wearing heels. (97)"
"My baby on heels…" Toad said as he began to drool.
"Have him piss of Wanda… (98)" Mike winced as Toad went flying through the wall.
"Or we could get Cyclops to turn him to dust. (99)" Blob said.
"How many do we have so far?" Lance asked Blob who put the pen down.
"Um, we got 99 so far." Blob said with a smile.
"Cool. Say I haven't heard a peep from Pietro in the four hours that we've been at this." Betsy said simply as she sat on Mike's laps.
"I wonder where he is?" Wanda asked.
--------------------
Upstairs
--------------------
"Hello… Daddy?" Pietro said in a nervous voice as he hid under his bed.
"Pietro?" Magneto's voice said over the phone. "What's wrong?"
"The rest of the Brotherhood is thinking up ways to kill me!" Pietro said nervously as he looked around.
"Pietro, that's ridiculous." Magneto said over the phone. "No one is plotting to kill you…"
"When I get a hold of that kid I'm going to tear him to shreds! (100)" Sabertooth's voice was heard in the background.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Pietro shouted as he ran out of Bayville as fast as he could.
"God damn it Victor…" Magneto said to Creed.
"What? I was talking about the Cajun!" Sabertooth said as he held up his hands in shock as Magneto popped an aspirin and shook his head.
********************
Next Time on Brotherhood Evolution: Those Made of Rock can Bleed. Lance dabbles into his past when he returns to Northbrook with the Brotherhood. Lance Angst Ahoy!
********************
Well I hope you like it. I find it quite disturbing that I managed to find 100 ways to kill someone. Until next time when I hopefully will have a better psychologist,
Descendent
Time for some humor… And this was the first thing that popped into my head. Keep an eye on the Maim Counter, which will be in parentheses. () Now on with the twisted insanity…
********************
The Brotherhood of Bayville Boarding house
"We could always shooting him with a gun. (1)" Toad said to Blob, who was writing furiously.
"A classic, but that's good…" Blob said as Mike and Betsy walked into the room.
"What in the hell are you two doing?" Betsy asked as Mike hopped onto the couch and relaxed.
"Writing down ways to kill, hurt and main Pietro." Toad answered simply.
"How many do you have?" Mike asked as he stretched out on the couch.
"So far twelve." Toad said. "We got a using a knife to stab him, (2), Using a hatchet on him, (3), A rusty butter knife to eviscerate him, (4), A chainsaw, (5), Dismemberment by ravenous Hamsters, (6), A gun, (1) Setting loose rabid monkeys wielding hammers on him, (7)"
"Rabid monkeys..?" Betsy asked as she shook her head.
"We also got burying him alive, (8), Setting a man eating tiger on him, (9), Locking him in a room with Richard Simmons, (10) tying him down and having several fat men give him a Yokozuna, (11) and Impaling him on a sharp stick (12)." Blob continued.
"That's twisted." Mike muttered. "What about beating him over the head with 9 Iron (13)?"
"Or maybe hurling Bricks at his head? (14)" Betsy added as she sat down.
"That's good." Blob said. "Or how about tying cement blocks to his legs and throwing him into a river? (15)"
"That's twisted." Lance said as he and Wanda walked into the room. "What about scooping out his spleen with a spoon? (16)"
"What are you nimrods up to?" Wanda asked simply.
"There's always the old "Stick a red hot poker up his but." (17)" Toad stated. "Hey babe. We're just thinking of creative ways to mangle your brother."
"We also got the very painful, "Torture of a Thousands Cuts" (18) as well as the old fashion "Salt in the Wounds" (19)" Mike stated.
"I could always shadow walk him into the artic and leave him there naked. (20)" Betsy said simply.
"But that would require you to see him naked." Lance pointed out as Betsy than shuttered.
"We could always shave him bald. (21)" Mike said.
"Na. We've done that to Wolverine to many times…" Lance said simply. "We could stick a gerbil up his ass? (22)"
********************
Xavier's
"When I find Pietro, I'm going to dice him three ways from Sunday. (23)" Logan said as Beast, Xavier, And Ororo rolled on the floor in laughter at the fact the Wolverine was Bald… Again.
********************
Back at the Brotherhood House
"We could soak him in gas and set him on fire. (24)" Toad stated.
"Or tie him up and leave him in the woods. (25)" Betsy said.
"We could always tie him to a stick in the middle of the desert, coat him in honey and then get a trail of fire ants leading to him and watch as he gets eaten alive. (26)" Blob said simply.
"That's disturbing…" Lance muttered. "I like it. Or how about using a dull knife to poke out his eyes? (27)"
"That's good." Mike pointed out. "We could also use said knife to take out his tongue, that way he can't talk anymore. (28)"
"I could always make him explode from the inside out. (29)" Wanda stated with a smile. "Or just stop the blood from going to his brain, causing him to have a seizure. (30)"
"I could use my tendrical to choke him to death. (31)" Mike said. "Or use them to hang him. (32)"
"I could do that with my hands as well. (33)" Blob said with a smile. "Or I could just squish him (34), Crush him (35), or just plain beat him to a bloody pulp. (36)"
" I could erase his mind. (37) Stab him with my Katana (38), Shadow walk him to the center of the earth (39), or just kick him hard in the jimmy. (40)" Betsy said as she smiled at sat down on Mike.
"I could crush him between my tremors, (41) Sent Seismic vibrations into his skull causing his head to explode, (42) Or just cause large boulders to fall on him. (43)" Lance said with a smile. "Oh, and I can run him over with my Jeep. (44)"
"I could drown him in my slime, (45) Break his legs with a ballpoint hammer, (46) or just strangle him with my tongue. (47)." Toad said with a smile.
"We could lock him in the Danger Room when it's on its highest level without any safety parameters. (48)" Wanda added.
"We could try and get him to juggle chainsaws. (49)." Toad said simply. "Or we could force feed him fifty gallons of cream corn. (50)
"We could always stick a stick of dynamite up his ass. (51)" Mike said.
"Or how about turning him inside out (52)?" Betsy added.
"We could tie him to the hood of the jeep and drive into a wall. (53)" Blob said.
"Not to my jeep…" Lance warned. "But we could shoot him to death with marbles from paintball guns. (54)"
"That's disturbed." Mike said. "How about locking him in a room with a bunch of Anti-Mutant thugs that have pointy things? (55)"
"Or we could force him to eat his own eyes. (56)" Toad said. "Or take off his little man and make him eat it. (57)"
"Urg…" "Betsy muttered as she ran into the bathroom and promptly threw up. The rest of the boys covered their private regions and stared daggers at Toad.
"Anyway… We could have him eaten by a wild Bear, (58) Lion, (59), or Panther (60)" Wanda said.
"Make him wallow in vomit until he dies of the smell. (61)" Betsy said as she emerged from the bathroom. "Or just force him to watch as we burn his room down. (62)"
"We could just lock him in the burning room. (63)" Wanda said with a smile. "But there's always the taking off of his limbs. (64)"
"Good idea, but instead take off his legs only, (65) that way he can never run again." Toad said with a smile. "We could also nail him to a door, (66) and slam it into the wall a few times. (67)"
"We could slit his throat… (68)" Mike said simply. "It's a classic, but still good."
"I have always preferred the shooting in the spine with a shotgun. (69)" Blob said simply. "That and dropping a building on him. (70)"
"We could always crash a Plane, Boat, Motorcycle, and flaming Bicycle into his unconscious form. (71,72, 73,and 74)" Toad added.
"I still wanna just run him over with a golf cart. (75)" Mike said. "That, or rip out his lungs with a hatchet. (76)"
"We could behead him with an Axe (77)?" Wanda said.
"Or lock him in a air tight room and fill it with water. (78)" Betsy said.
"And than through in Sharks so that he gets eaten alive. (79)" Blob added.
"Or toss in a TV and electrocute him. (80)" Toad said. "Maybe attach a car battery to his nuts. (81)"
"What is it with you and Pietro's nuts?" Mike asked as he looked at Toad strangely. "By the by, we could inject him, with poison. (82)"
"Or make him ingest carpet cleaner. (83)" Betsy said. "We could also get him on the FBI's most wanted list, (84) Have him hunted by Interpol, (85)"
"I could rip his arms off… (86)" Mike said simply. "And then beat him with them. (87)"
"We find and let Mystique get a hold of him in a tiny room (88)?" Wanda said.
"We could rig him with explosives and blow him up. (89)" Lance said with a smile. "Or we just take a rusty chainsaw to him. (90)"
"How about sticking him in a sauna and never let him out, thus he dries up (91)? We could do that, or bury a screwdriver into his head. (92)" Blob said.
"Ho about sending him to Iraq dressed up in nothing but cloths made out of the American flag (93)?" Toad said. "Or we have him walk around Harlem dressed like a member off the KKK. (94)"
"Of send him into the deep-south in a dress and see what happens. (95)" Betsy said.
"Or have him walk into a bike bar dressed like a really gay guy. (96)" Wanda said with a wicked smile. "And then tap dance on his body while wearing heels. (97)"
"My baby on heels…" Toad said as he began to drool.
"Have him piss of Wanda… (98)" Mike winced as Toad went flying through the wall.
"Or we could get Cyclops to turn him to dust. (99)" Blob said.
"How many do we have so far?" Lance asked Blob who put the pen down.
"Um, we got 99 so far." Blob said with a smile.
"Cool. Say I haven't heard a peep from Pietro in the four hours that we've been at this." Betsy said simply as she sat on Mike's laps.
"I wonder where he is?" Wanda asked.
--------------------
Upstairs
--------------------
"Hello… Daddy?" Pietro said in a nervous voice as he hid under his bed.
"Pietro?" Magneto's voice said over the phone. "What's wrong?"
"The rest of the Brotherhood is thinking up ways to kill me!" Pietro said nervously as he looked around.
"Pietro, that's ridiculous." Magneto said over the phone. "No one is plotting to kill you…"
"When I get a hold of that kid I'm going to tear him to shreds! (100)" Sabertooth's voice was heard in the background.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Pietro shouted as he ran out of Bayville as fast as he could.
"God damn it Victor…" Magneto said to Creed.
"What? I was talking about the Cajun!" Sabertooth said as he held up his hands in shock as Magneto popped an aspirin and shook his head.
********************
Next Time on Brotherhood Evolution: Those Made of Rock can Bleed. Lance dabbles into his past when he returns to Northbrook with the Brotherhood. Lance Angst Ahoy!
********************
Well I hope you like it. I find it quite disturbing that I managed to find 100 ways to kill someone. Until next time when I hopefully will have a better psychologist,
Descendent