Author's Note: Wow a full season's worth. I'll save the bulk of my
message for the end. In the meantime, I want to send out a big thank you
to every one who read and reviewed or sent me private e-mails during this
past season.
Author's Note 2: I didn't even realize that I'd had the chapter repeat itself at the end until a friend mentioned it to me. This should clean it up a bit and I changed a bit of the dialog that never really suited me very well during its creation.
1553 ZULU
JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA
"Well there you go; this Wednesday afternoon, twelve-thirty."
"Fine." Mac rolls her eyes at me and I wish she wouldn't, this is for her own good whether she knows it or not.
"I'll be right back." Wandering down the hall to my office, I reach behind the door and grab my heating pad. Damn, stubborn Marines, I don't understand why she let's these things get so out of hand. As an aviator, I have to keep myself in top shape, especially if I expect to keep flying at my age.
"Is your back bothering you sir?" Looking over from the sink, I see Harriet standing in the doorway.
"You could say that Harriet. How's yours?"
Harriet laughs, "Fine for now sir, but ask me again in six months".
"We'll miss you Harriet." Well at least she's not leaving today. I hope we're going to have her for at least another couple of months or so.
"Thank you sir, I don't suppose you can spare any of that hot water?"
"Of course." I hold up the hot water kettle and fill her mug as she holds it out to me. "Look can I ask a favor of you?"
"Sure sir, what can I do for you?"
"I need you to get in touch with the Virginia State Police about an accident report I need to get a look at."
"What do I need to tell them?"
"It was a little over eighteen months ago, it's the Johnson accident, one woman killed as a result. I've got an exact date of occurrence somewhere in my office. I'll bring it by for you in a bit."
"Is this in regard to Mattie?"
"Yeah."
"Can I ask why you're doing this?"
"Because there's some things that aren't adding up with her story and either she's lying about them or she doesn't really know what happened and if it's the latter it's important that she understands exactly what happened that night."
"I'll get right on it sir."
"Thanks Harriet. So how long are you planning on staying at JAG before you leave?"
"Um, about a month sir."
Ah, crap. "So soon?"
"I really think it's for the best sir."
"Any idea where you'll end up?"
"I'm not exactly sure sir, I haven't exactly given it a lot of thought."
"Well, just don't be a stranger when you do leave alright?"
"I will sir." Capping the heating pad I walk out of the break room and head back to Mac's office. "Okay here we go."
"Harm I don't need this."
"Quit being stubborn and lean forward Mac." She gives me the eyes again, but at least she leans forward like a good Marine. "There, leave that there for at least twenty minutes and take these." Reaching into my pocket, I pull out a package of extra strength Tylenol.
"Harm..."
"Stop talking and take them." The look on her face tells me she just humoring me, but I really couldn't care so long as she takes them. She sighs softly as she leans back into the heating pad in chair. "Better?" She doesn't have to say yes, I know it is. Besides, it is written all over her face.
"A little." She leans side to side in what I assume is an attempt to loosen up her back. Looking over at her shelf I gaze at the carousel or whatever the hell that thing is Webb got for her. I'm surprised Mac got such joy from a simple little thing like that hunk of plastic. I wouldn't say I was the most generous boyfriend when it came to giving gifts to my various girlfriends, I had to call out Mac's name in bed before I bought roses on a whim for Renee and let's be honest about it, I did it because I didn't want to end up in the dog house with her. Palmer gave Jordan more gifts than I ever did or at least better gifts anyway. Roses, chocolates, champagne, a gourmet meal, and the sexy negligee I found her in that night. I think those are most of the highlights. I can't imagine that thing on her shelf is that expensive and if it got that kind of reaction out of Mac, maybe my approach on gift giving is a little skewed. It needn't be expensive to be memorable. Well, I think I had better leave now before wear out my welcome, besides I need to get that date to Harriet before she makes that call. The fact that he didn't serve any time just isn't sitting well with me.
"Harm?" I turn around at the doorway and look over my shoulder at her when I hear her call my name. "Thank you."
"Your welcome."
2241 ZULU
COMMANDER RABB'S APARTMENT
NORTH OF UNION STATION
Where the hell is she? "I'll give her ten more minutes then I'm going out to look for her."
"And I'm coming with you."
"Jen..."
"Commander don't even think about leaving me out of something like this."
"Fine, ten minutes okay?" I really don't know what kind of excuse I was going to hand to her that would seem reasonable enough to keep her here anyway.
"She could be staying at school until her Alateen meeting tonight."
"Maybe, but she'd call us if she was." I can't sit here. I've already finished cleaning up all the dishes and dinner's sitting on the counter getting cold. I pray to God she didn't run away or... I just hope nothing's happened to her. "Fuck it, let's go now."
By the way Jen practically springs out of her seat I guess I wasn't the only one growing more impatient with every minute. "Where to first?"
Throwing dinner in the frig I grab the keys to the Lexus off the hook. "Her school, it's the best place I can think of."
"You know her meetings are at the youth center now don't you?"
What the fuck? "When did that happen?"
"Last week apparently there was some water damage in the room they used from that storm and they couldn't get another room so they moved it to the youth rec center."
"She never told me." That shouldn't surprise me; Mattie's failed to tell me a lot in the past few months. The terrible thing is it isn't the small things either. She's been making it a habit of hiding the big things from me too. I wish she understood that I'm not going to judge her for what happened in her past. It doesn't take us long to reach the school. "I think our best guess is the gym or the library. Which one do you want to take?"
"Harm I've been inside here like once, I don't know where any of it is."
"I guess we're going to the gym then." Once we get there, we can see a number of kids playing basketball and others are hanging out on the bleachers, but none of them are Mattie. "Go into the locker room, see if she's in there." The longer this takes the more my mind is wrapping itself around the worst possible outcomes. She's been kidnapped, she's been killed, she crying out for me and I can't hear her.
It isn't long before Jen comes back out a short while later shaking her head. "She not in there. I asked the girls inside if they'd seen her and no one's seen her since school got out." Rounding a corner on our way to the rec center Jen grabs my shoulder. "Slow down, it won't do Mattie a damn bit of good if we get killed trying to find her."
The library was a bust, the damn librarian couldn't remember if she seen her today or yesterday. I thanked my lucky stars we got out of there in under ten minutes, that woman looked like she could have talked forever. "Sorry, I'm getting worried Jen."
"I know, me too."
When I finally park the Lexus Jen hops out just as fast I do as we make our way into the center. I'm just about to open the door to one of the conference rooms when a voice stops me. "Sir you can't go in there, there's a meeting in progress." Stupid woman, doesn't she think I know that? I'd say by the look on Jen's face, she's thinking the same thing.
"I know that, an alateen meeting. I need to know if Mattie Grace is in there."
"I haven't seen Mattie all day. In fact this is the first meeting I think she's ever missed."
This is going from bad to worse. "If she shows up tell her to call home immediately."
"Is there something wrong?"
Like hell am I going to tell everyone that I've lost my daughter. "Just tell her to give me a call if you see her."
"Okay."
"Thank you." As we get back into the car, I hand Jen my cell as she directs me to a shopping mall that her and Mattie frequent occasionally. "Call both of our places. Maybe she was just late getting home."
When Jen doesn't get a response, I concentrate on the sidewalks as we drive along, I'm lucky, but not lucky enough to just happen upon her walking down the sidewalk. "Mattie give Harm a call on his cell when you get this message." Jen gives me my phone back as we pull into the parking lot of the mall. "Sorry, nothing."
"Okay what's your best guess here?"
"I say we start on one end and just work our way through the whole thing."
"Alright, but after this we're heading back home." Please God let her be all right. If something were to happen to her, I could never forgive myself. Jen points out the likely shops she might be as we approach them, but we're disappointed every time we check them out. I wonder if this was how mom felt when I ran off to Vietnam. She was so mad at me, but at the time, she was crying so hard that when I finally did come home that it was hard to tell she was mad at all. I remember being grounded for two months. I also seem to remember being pretty good about obeying my punishment too. After what I'd seen and done, sneaking out to spend time with my friends was low on my list of things to do. Not to mention that fact that I was completely exhausted. In fact, it took awhile just to readjust to the slower pace of life here in the states. When I find Mattie and she's safe and sound, I'm going to call mom and apologize for doing what I did to her. Mattie may or may not being missing, but after only a few hours, I'm getting worried. I was gone for over ten weeks. I can't imagine what that must have done to mom. She saw the scars I came home with and asked about. Hell, she demanded to know about them, but I wouldn't tell her.
Jen shakes my shoulder to get my attention; we've finally reached the other side of the mall with no success in finding her. "Harm she's not here, let's go home."
"Okay." There's no hiding it now. Now I have to call the police and tell the world that Harmon Rabb has lost the one person he was responsible for.
1350 ZULU
COMMANDER RABB'S APARTMENT
NORTH OF UNION STATION
"What can I do?"
"You're doing it." I'm not sure what it is I'm doing that's helping, but I'll keep doing it for her sake. When Mac knocked on my door this morning I was heading into day four without any kind of contact from Mattie and I thought she'd finally decided to talk to me. I'm sure she thinks I'm mad at her, and I was, but only for a little while. When I went back to my place, I had a long talk with mom over the phone. She's the one who suggested I give Mattie her space. Personally, at one point, I was all for kicking down the door and demanding answers, mom convinced me otherwise. It was a real eye opener to hear what my trip to Vietnam did to her now that I'm parent or maybe it's just that I understood her a little better. Opening the door to fine Mac on my doorstep threw me for a loop, not to mention her news of Webb's death. Mac hasn't shown up at my door in a long time and that was just to get a favor out of me. I think it was just about a year ago now; I was sitting in Paraguay near that busted up plane wishing for Webb's death... and now here we are. I know I'm not responsible and I don't have some kind of voodoo power that killed him, but I still feel awful for even thinking it or wishing it. Then there's Mac; I feel terrible about saying I hoped Webb's luck is better than her previous husbands and boyfriends. I really hope she isn't chalking up Webb's death to her curse. Part of me thinks she already is though. She came to my door with tears in her eyes and it wasn't because she lost another boyfriend; she loved him. I know that now. If Mac says he's dead because she can feel it, that's enough proof for me. The woman plucked me out of several hundred square miles of ocean one dark and stormy night; I have every faith in her... well, let's call them abilities. I know what Webb's last moments must have been like. I wasn't going to drown, but I damn near died under the same sea state. "Harm?"
"Yes."
"What's it like?"
I hope she's not asking me what I think she is. I though that's what Tanveer was for on the Wake Island. I'm going to play dumb as long as possible. "What's what like?"
"Being an agent."
I don't see how this line of questioning is going to help her. "Mac..."
"Why would he lie to me?"
"Mac you already know the answer to that. He didn't want you to worry."
"That's not good enough."
"Maybe he was afraid you'd doubt his abilities after Paraguay if you knew he was going to be in danger."
"I'm a Marine Harm, I can handle the people I care about heading into dangerous situations."
"Mac honestly, had you known that he was going on a dangerous mission, would that have softened the blow of the news of his death?"
"No." No, I can't imagine that it could have.
"He did it to spare you as much as he possibly could."
"He still lied to me Harm. How would you feel?" Well she's got me there. She knows full well that I'd want to know if they were going to be in danger or not. Actually, I don't know why Mac believed him in the first place. Even Blaisdale told me as I was being shown the door that CIA operations are supposed to operate in secret.
"I wouldn't like it, but I'd try to understand considering the line of work Webb was in Mac."
"Meaning..."
"Meaning that they're never going to tell you the truth Mac; you will never know why he died or what he was actually doing over there. They do it to protect themselves and the mission; and sometimes, they do it to protect the people back home." It's not that I couldn't get the information, I could if I wanted to, but frankly I just don't care. I'd rather not know. Besides, what I don't know I can't lie about to Mac. "Isn't that why you didn't tell me where you were going last spring?"
"Harm I still told you the mission was going to be dangerous. I told you because I knew you'd want to know, just like I'd want to know." I'm not positive, but this stinks of something else.
"Mac, do you blame yourself for not being able to help him?"
"No."
"Because there was nothing that you could do."
Mac pushes herself off my couch as she snaps at me. "I know that Harm." Mac paces back and forth a few times before she stops to stare out the window. "I'm sorry."
"Its okay." I think I've proven the fact that's she's at least thinking rationally. If memory serves, Webb was dead before she even got her first gift. Looking at my watch, I see its already past 9:30 and I have a deposition to take in a drug possession case of mine in an hour. "What do you say I buy you lunch at work today?"
Mac just shakes her head. "I'm taking the day off Harm." I should have seen that coming, and it's for the best I guess.
"Give me a call if you need anything okay?"
"I will, and thank you Harm."
"Any time Mac."
2146 ZULU
UNITED STATES NAVAL ACADEMY
ANNAPOLIS, MARYLAND
By the senior officer covers already here on the table I'd say Sturgis and the Admiral are already here, but not Mac, at least not yet. Doesn't matter, she's still got another fifteen minutes or so before she has to be here. Normally I enjoy any drive to the academy, but the news of Mattie and her father has completely thrown me off balance. I don't know what I was really expecting this whole time. I guess I wanted Mattie to accept her mother's death, but somehow remain in my care. I didn't think those letters would make such a difference, not that I would have withheld them had I known anyway, but still... my odds of keeping her are becoming much longer than they ever were before. Maybe if Mattie still hated him it'd be different, but now that she's spending time with him, my chances of keeping her have gone right out the damn window.
"What is it about that table you find so fascinating." Looking over I see Sturgis approaching me. I guess I was staring wasn't I?
"Nothing, just thinking."
"About Mac or Webb?" Neither. "You know already don't you?"
"Yeah, Mac came over this morning. Damn shame."
"How was she taking it?"
"About as well as can be expected I guess."
"I didn't see her at work today."
"She took the day off."
"She knows her attendance is mandatory tonight doesn't she?"
I never thought about that. "I would think so."
"Well let's go get a drink while we wait for the meal to start."
I set my cover down next to his. "First round is on you. I bought the last one."
"Fine by me." Bellying up the bar, Jen sits down just as we do. "Petty Officer."
"Commanders." Sturgis proceeds with our order as Jen turns towards me. "Did Mattie speak with you?"
"Yeah was that your idea or hers?"
"I thought it was important that she tell you where she's been."
"Thank you for that."
"Did she tell you everything?"
"Unless there was more than her spending time with her father I think so."
"So what do you think?"
"I think I'm about to lose the closest thing I've ever had to a daughter." Sturgis hands me my beer, which I immediately pass on to Jen and order another for myself.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be, without you I wouldn't have even had these past few months with her."
"Mattie's leaving?"
Jen and I both nod as Sturgis digests that. He's the first one outside of the two of us to know that. "Well it looks that way."
"I'm sorry."
"Thanks." When my beer arrives, Sturgis excuses himself to talk to some of the newly arrived guests. I'm glad he left, I'd rather he not hear this. "Jen I want you to know that if Mattie does leave I'll continue to pay her half of the rent until you can find a roommate."
"That's not necessary sir."
"Yes it is Jen. I cannot overemphasize how wonderful you have been. I will never be able to repay what you've done for me and there's no reason why you should have to leave your home just because Mattie might."
"Thank you." Jen looks down at her beer before lifting it up for a toast. "Friends?"
"Friends and neighbors." Jen smiles as our glasses come together and we both take a long hard drink.
"Look who I found." Turning around Jen and I watch Sturgis haul Bud, Harriet, and Mike over to the Bar. One look at Harriet reminds me how much I dislike the female mess dress uniform. I don't know what it is... it; it just seems... okay they're ugly; it's that simple. Mac too whenever it is she shows up. The female Marine mess dress is just as bad.
"To our Madam Vice." Jen, Sturgis, and I all lift our glasses and drink. I'm so glad the Admiral didn't pick Sturgis. I'd have never seen the end of the punishments he could have inflicted on me. Sturgis delights in picking out infractions and the punishments that go with them with this sort of thing.
Harriet blushes slightly in response to our toast. "Thanks, but I better go and talk to the Admiral before we begin."
"Well pull up a chair ladies and let's have a drink before we're at the mercy of a balding dictator." All the guys have a laugh at that including Jen who chuckles to herself. "Bar Keep, another round on me."
Sturgis and the other sit down just as the first couple of beers arrive. "Did you see Mac yet?"
Licking my lips as I finish off my first beer, I turn around to scan the crowd. "No, why is she here?"
"No, that's why I was asking."
"Isn't her attendance mandatory at a dining out?"
Looking back at Bud I nod. "I think so, Sturgis?"
"Yeah last one I went to a guy got written up for failing to show." Even though none of us are mentioning it, I think we're all a little worried about Mac. Sturgis and I for good reason due in part to our knowledge about Webb. She only has five minutes before this thing is supposed to start and it's not like her to be late.
"Ladies and Gentlemen; the President of the mess." I'm sitting down next to an empty chair. I can't believe Mac didn't show up. We downed our beers and made it to our table just before the guy with the bagpipe started playing. Sturgis and I just look at each other and everyone else at our table as the servers remove Mac's plate, chair, and silver were before serving our meal.
"Do we want takes bets as to what her excuse is going to be?" I'm trying to keep the mood light, but I get the feeling that I'm failing in spite of the laughs it generates. God Mac where the hell are you?
Oh my God... normally this is where I'd call myself an enormous ass for bringing up the baby deal, but how was I to know? All I wanted was tell her that she there was one thing in her life she could still be in control of if she still wanted to. She seemed like she was out of sorts at the party and I wanted... well I don't know what I wanted. I wanted to help her, but I'm not sure why I chose that avenue to do it with. I know she wants children and, and... and now this. Endometriosis, I'm no expert, but from what little I know, simply having children is going to be an uphill battle if at all possible to begin with and that's why I feel so bad for even bringing it up. I knew something was wrong the moment I heard the tone of her voice, she's never that distance in regards to that topic. After the toasts and all the socializing we did, I was thankful to isolate her outside away from the crowds in there. Then she dropped the bombshell on me. Correction, it fell on her; I'm just suffering from the mere aftershocks. Mac looks like she's about ready to cry, I'm holding her hand after giving her the same lines her doctor probably gave her. 'I'm so sorry.' How is that supposed to help at all in a time like this? If she was going to cry, the next voice brings that thought to a screeching halt. "Colonel, Commander."
"Sir." He couldn't have picked a worse time and what the hell is he doing out here anyway? Mac didn't get to her feet as quickly as I did so I'm going to have draw his attention elsewhere.
"Are you having a good time sir?"
"Just taking a little stroll, reliving some old memories before I go."
"You're leaving sir?"
"Well I was planning to go back in, but now that the two of you are out here I won't have to."
Mac looks at me before voicing the same question running through my head. "Why is that sir?"
"I'm sure you're both well aware of the fact that June 4th is my last official day as the JAG with the change in command taking place on the following Monday."
"Yes sir."
"I'm taking the last two weeks in terminal leave. Colonel I'm going to be placing you in charge of JAG for those two weeks and I want you to hand over the Command to the new JAG." Wow, this really is the end, most everybody thought we'd have him for another two weeks.
"Sir I..."
"Is there a problem Colonel?" God, he doesn't know the half of it.
"Sir I was hoping to request a week's vacation on Monday, there are some personal things I need to deal with.
"Colonel if it's not vital..."
"They are sir." Well I suppose if you're going to interrupt an Admiral you might as well do it when he's on his way out the door.
The Admiral looks just about as irritated as I thought he might be. I guess with Mac asking for today off and now an additional week in addition to being late for his dining out the Admiral's going to be a little peeved without knowing the circumstances involved. "Fine, Commander, in your spare time, arrange the Colonel's leave. I'll name you as the temporary JAG so you can authorize anything else that needs to be taken care of."
"Yes sir."
"I'm cleaning out my office tomorrow so come in some time around 1300 to receive your orders."
He wants to do this on a Saturday? Well I can forget about flying tomorrow. "Yes sir."
"Good, I hope everyone has a good time tonight and I'll see you tomorrow. Colonel."
Mac and I both offer him a salute, which he returns before Mac stops him on his way to his car. "Sir it's been an honor serving with you."
"You too Colonel, goodbye."
"Bye." When the Admiral heads towards the parking lot, Mac drops back down to the bench and looks over at me. "Think he's mad?"
Sitting down, I lean back as I watch the Admiral walk away. "Who cares?"
"I do."
"Why?"
"Harm, he kept me here at JAG when a lot of CO's would have thrown me to the wolves. Remember the mishap report?"
"You mean the one Singer put in your car?"
"You never could have proven that Harm."
"That doesn't mean it didn't happen."
"Then there's the fact that I'm responsible for Petty Officer La Port spending the rest of her life in jail."
"You mean for spying on her country?"
"Harm..."
I don't know why she's doing this to herself and I won't allow it. "Mac none of that crap matters."
"It matters to me Harm, sometimes it feels like my career is the only thing I have control of and now..." She doesn't need to finish the thought. She's worried about the Marines handing her a medical discharge and wiping their hands of her. Bud's still here only here because he's in the Navy, if he were a Marine they would have sent him on his way long time ago. I wrap Mac up in a big hug and she willingly lays her head against my shoulder. I'd like to say something, but right now's probably not the best time for words.
I hate to do this, but its time to change the subject; I just wish it didn't have to be this one. Then again, nothing else has the power this topic does. I've been holding Mac tight against me for the past ten minutes or so. It didn't take long for the tears to start flowing and occasionally I've heard a muffled sob, but I think she's just about finished for now. "Does his mom know?"
Mac pulls away and rubs her eyes. Her tears have smudged her mascara a little bit. "She called me today." I think I have a tissue or something in my pocket somewhere.
Ah, bingo. Mac smiles as I offer it to her. "How was she?"
"She's hurting." She is too; I refuse to believe she cried all her tears for Webb in my apartment.
"When's the funeral?"
"This Tuesday."
"Do you want me to go with you?"
She's trying so hard to be strong, but her eyes are still giving her away. She's barely hanging on as it is. "You're going to go?" She shouldn't have to ask me that. Yeah I despised him for endangering Mac and kicking me out of the CIA, but I still respected the man.
"I'll probably be there, I'm just trying to offer you my support."
"That'd be nice."
"Mac about what I said earlier..."
"You mean about our little pact?"
"Yeah, I didn't mean to cause you..."
Mac gives me a small smile and silences me with an upraised hand. "You couldn't have known Harm." That's of little consolation to me. "Harm?"
"Yes?"
"Do you wonder what he was thinking before it happened?" I don't have to wonder, I've been in his shoes. Of course, maybe that's why she's asking, so that she might understand.
"I know exactly what he was thinking." Thankfully, Mac waits in silence for me to organize my thoughts. "Part of him was thinking that this wasn't the way he wanted to go out, but most importantly he was thinking about the people closest to him. So, if you've wondering whether or not he was thinking about you the answer is yes. You were probably the only thing on his mind."
"How do you know all that for sure?"
"Downing in the Atlantic is no different than drowning in another ocean Mac. I don't remember anything concerning my rescue after I lost my gun. But even before that, after I was forced away from that radio buoy I fully expected to die. In between the swells I thought about everyone I was leaving behind, especially you, mom and Grandma. We weren't even dating and I was thinking about you Mac. You can bet your boots you were all Webb was thinking about." Damn awful death, drowning, if you ask me. Sucking in saltwater until your lungs burn, I can vividly remember it to this day and probably always will be able to until the day that I finally do die.
"I just wish I'd understood his world a little better."
"You were a part of that world Mac, you saw everything there was to see."
"I saw a predator strike Harm, all the planning was done without me." Hmm, maybe I should give her a big 'welcome to my world'. Planning wasn't something they let me sit in on either.
"No you saw what mattered. A mission always looks good on paper, it's when you carry it out that things can go to hell in a hand basket."
"Or when agents try rescuing people."
"You mean Gunny."
"I couldn't let him sit there and rot while we didn't nothing." She should know she doesn't have to explain her actions to me.
"Mac I probably would have done the same thing."
"Probably?"
"Well I wasn't in your position."
"Say that you were."
"Mac I won't play the what if game. I don't know what I would have done." Actually, that's a blatant lie. I know exactly what I would have done. Had Webb not been preoccupied trying to rescue Gunny with Mac, he might have done the same. I would have requested a satellite pass over the region from Langley. I probably would have found the stingers in transport and taken them out with the Predator. Only after I'd cleaned that up would I have attempted a rescue for Gunny's sake. At least then if I'd ended up in Mac and Webb's predicament I'd have had the luxury of knowing that at the very least the Stingers had been destroyed.
I think its time to wrap this up. "Do you want to back inside, maybe get another piece of cake?" The chocolate cake we had desert was out of this world and I know chocolate of any kind is Mac's favorite comfort food.
"I think I want to go home."
"If you want, I'll take you home. I just need a few minutes to go back in and say goodbye to Sturgis and a few others."
"Okay."
"Mac?"
"Yeah?"
"We're going to beat this." I really don't know how much I believe that. Part of me is afraid for her life, but from what I understand there's an excellent chance of recovery if this sort of thing is detected early enough. No, what I mean is I don't know how exactly to help in this case. I can console a grieving friend because her boyfriend's dead, I've done that before, I've gone through that before myself, but this isn't your typical enemy, Mac going to have to win this fight on her own while I'm forced to watch from the sidelines. I've never had to deal with illnesses like this. My family has been blessed to have experienced such good health and with Mac's recent development I'm even more grateful for it.
"Thank you."
She's just about to walk inside when I stop her again. "Mac I know you just found out, but is there anyone else you'd like to tell? Harriet maybe? She loves you, you know."
"Maybe someday Harm, but not today. I want to keep this between the two of us for now."
"Okay, but just remember I'm not the only one who'd be willing to support you during this."
"I know Harm. Coming?"
"Yeah." Grabbing the door handle, I hold it open for her as she walks through.
"There you two are." Turning around I see Sturgis heading for us with a glass of wine in one hand and a bottle in the other. "Where've you been?"
"Outside talking with the Admiral."
"Any last words of wisdom from the old man?"
"No, just that's taking the next two weeks off and I've been put in charge to hand the reins over to the new JAG."
Sturgis' eyebrows shoot up as that sinks in. "So he's left for good?"
Yeah I can't believe it either, but this past week has shaken JAG from top to bottom so it shouldn't surprise me as much as it actually does. "Just now."
Sturgis grabs a glass from a passing tray. "Wow, well, can I fill you up?"
"Sorry buddy I just came in to say good night."
"Where you going so early?"
"He's giving me a ride home."
Sturgis furrow his brow at Mac. I know he didn't want me leaving this early. "What happened to your ride?"
"I took a cab here."
"Why?"
"Flat tire and I didn't have a spare."
"That must have been one hell of a fare."
Mac shakes her head as she looks at me, and back at Sturgis. "You're telling me."
"Well I'll see you guys on Monday then."
As the crowd swallows up Sturgis, I turn towards Mac. "Anybody in particular you want to say good night to?"
"Why don't we go congratulate Bud on his promotion." Now there was a shocker, once the Admiral mentioned Bud being out of uniform I knew what was going to happen, I just didn't expect it is all. In all honesty, despite my testimony on his behalf, I didn't think Bud would even be allowed to remain in the Navy on a full time basis. I've never been so glad to be proven wrong. The Admiral whispered something to him as he administered his oath, but it was far too faint for me to hear it. Maybe Sturgis and those damn sonar trained ears of his could have picked it up, but I have to believe that my continual exposure to the roar of the jet engines has to have had an effect on my hearing over the years.
Opening my door, I catch Mattie raiding my frig when I walk back into my apartment. "You're back early." I only nod as I undo my bow tie. After we said goodbye to Sturgis, Bud, and Harriet among others I swiped another piece of cake and took Mac home. There was little conversation on the way to her place. Talking would have been difficult anyway. Mac asked if we could drive home with the top down. I always feel more alive with the top down and I'm sure that's what she was looking for too. "Well how was it?"
"Fine."
Mattie sets whatever it is she pulled out of the frig into the microwave and starts it. "Just fine?" I don't know how to feel about any of this. I've just left one problem to come home to another.
"Yeah."
"Did I do something wrong?"
"No."
"Then what is it?" I want to tell her about Mac, but I've given my word to keep my mouth shut. If I tell Mattie, it'll get to Jen and if that happens I might as well announce it to all of JAG with a blow horn.
"Its nothing." "Liar, its obviously something. Is it about Mac?"
Close, but my mind has already leaped to my other dilemma. Mattie and her father reconciling. That shouldn't be a dilemma, but it is, and it's for purely selfish reasons. No one I know would ever use that word to describe me. When I'm dead and gone, I know that my selflessness will be one of the most prominent words used to describe the man I was and the life I lived. God that's awfully vain of me. Thing is, I want to be selfish here even though I know I won't be. I know I'll help Mattie along and when her dad wins the custody battle, I'll send her on her way without a fight. "No." Oh God, I never realized how right Mrs. Smithfield was; 'Treasure every moment cause they'll never come again.' Not only will those moments never come again, but also my days with her are already numbered.
"What's the matter with you?"
When I don't answer, Mattie heads for the door, ignoring her plate on the countertop and obviously irritated, but I stop her before she can reach it. "You're leaving me aren't you? If your dad asks for custody you're going to leave with him."
"Yes." Oh, God that's cold. You know I was happy Mattie and her dad made up, but I can't help but feel like I'm being used and then tossed aside. "That's what you're so upset about?" I'd say by the look in her eyes she never once believed she could do something like this to me.
"Is that so hard to believe?" I can't do this anymore, everyone in my life has left me in one way or another save mom and one day she will be gone and what will I have left? I don't even want to try to answer that question as I flop down on my couch.
Mattie takes her sweet time walking over to me and sitting down on my chair. "Maybe I just didn't want to believe it mattered so much to you."
"How can you say something like that? I told you when you moved in that I needed you. I can't tell you how excited I was for Father's Day this year. I thought maybe by that point you'd see me as one instead of just some guardian watching over you." This was going to be the best Father's Day of my life, probably because it was going to be my first, but I just knew it'd be better than another Sunday alone along with another quiet visit with dad at the wall.
"Harm..." Please don't patronize me Mattie, not tonight, especially after the news with Mac. She stops there before taking a breath and continuing. "Harm I never... whenever I thought about my father, all these terrible thoughts sprung to mind. Things I could never associate with you." Oh please, don't tell me this is this her way of saying, 'You're too good for me to call you dad.' I want to say something to make her stay, but I won't, instead I'll sit here and watch another person walk out of my life. I did it with Jordan didn't I? I watched her walk right out of this place and I know I'll do it again. "I... I have to help my dad Harm. He needs me like I needed you six months ago."
"And what about me?" Wow, I can't believe I voiced that thought; it just came out before I could sensor it and now I'm going to pay the price. Yeah, there it is. Mattie just lowers her head knowing that she can't and won't stay here with me and be my daughter. I don't know why, but I was foolishly hoping she'd smile, and tell me there's no place else she'd rather be.
"Harm I..."
"Whatever Mattie, its nothing."
Harm..."
"I'm going to bed, don't forget your plate in the microwave I'm sure its probably cold by now."
"Harm, wait..."
I can't take this anymore; spinning around I interrupt her. "Wait for what Mattie, a reason why you're leaving that I don't want to hear? Can't you understand that the very thought of losing you is tearing me up inside every time I think about it? I can't tell you how much I was looking forward to being your dad forever and now... now you're telling me that I can't be. Don't you understand how much that hurts? Right now, I just need some time alone to deal with it and think some things through, okay?"
She looks like she's about to cry, well she can join the club because I'm just about there myself. "Okay."
"I still love you Mattie, and I will always love you even if it kills me to see you walk out that door forever." Walking behind my bedroom screen, I hear the door open and shut before can manage to take off my jacket.
1610 ZULU
JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA
I haven't done this is in a long time; I always hated coming into JAG on a Saturday like this. I used to do it as a Lieutenant quite a bit. I was still a little... well, very unsure of myself in my new profession and I always wanted to be as prepared as possible so I'd come in here on Saturdays so I could work in peace. Once Kate came along all that changed, having a partner certainly helped cut down the workload. Unfortunately, I dumped most of that work on Meg when she joined me so she probably had to come in a few Saturdays herself. Of course Meg was never one to let someone walk all over her, she dragged me along more than a few times which is admirable considering I had a whole stripe on her at times. I used to like the building we used for headquarters in D.C a lot more than here. It was much closer to home and the offices seemed more private. After Meg was shot all that changed, I couldn't work there long without seeing the blood stain on the carpet in my mind. With Mac, we'd normally just have working dinners at each other's place. It was amazing how much we could accomplish in a single night's work. This is so much different; today I'm here to receive my first command. It's going to be short lived, but it's still my command plus I have the added benefit of getting out of my tiny, little office for the next two weeks. My office, my chair, and my command; I like the sound of that. As much as I like trying cases in the courtroom and hated the paperwork I had to deal with when I filled in for the Admiral, I still liked being in charge. Call it a heady rush of power and responsibility, but I loved it every minute of it. Well maybe that's because I never had to do the job for an extended period of time. I'd probably grow to hate it then. I could have done without Secretary Nelson bitching me out for Mac and Bud's using that damn General's record during their trial, hell I don't even remember his name anymore. As for the concussion based hallucinations of Mac, while sexually stimulating to be sure, probably weren't for the best either. Still... any time I think about Mac and the rain in the same thought, oh baby. It's been years since then and that still gets me going every time. I saw the Admiral's ride in the parking lot so I know he's here, but I'm in no hurry to get up to his office. Walking into the bullpen, I stop and look around. Everything seems normal right now, but a month from now so much will be different. The Admiral will be gone, Harriet's leaving too. Bud's new rank will be posted above his door. Those are things that have or will come to pass. The wild card is Mac; I can only hope she'll be allowed to stay in the Marines. If she goes JAG will never be the same, and our senior staff meetings will have one more unfamiliar face to grow accustomed to. Passing Jen's desk I think about Tiner. Has it really been a year since he left for OCS? It amazing how well Jen filled in for him. Well Jen's amazing period. I could never repay her for everything she's done for me.
Stopping outside the Admiral's door, I take a deep breath before knocking. "Come on in Commander." Opening the door, I see a number of boxes lying around. Some of them are filled, others only partially and a few more are empty. I never knew he had this much stuff packed away in here. When the Admiral pokes his head up from behind his desk, I'm glad I wore my uniform as he came in his. He drops about a handful of pens and pencils into a bag on his desk. "Have a seat."
"Thank you sir."
"Did you have fun last night?"
"Yes sir, I think everybody did."
"Have you ever been to a dining out before?"
"Once, a long time ago. I was a Lieutenant j.g. then, and after my first cruise on the Sea Hawk all the pilots, NFO's, and other aircrew men were invited to one."
"You know Commander you're just about the only person I haven't given something to yet."
I don't want his stuff either, there's simply nothing here that appeals to me. "That's not necessary sir, I don't need something of yours to remember you by."
"Nothing here catches your eye?" Well if he hadn't given his bookends to Sturgis maybe, I'd have taken those. Those at least have a functional purpose.
"Not really sir."
"Well I've got something here that might change your mind." Not likely. I watch as the Admiral heads for one of the boxes he packed up and set on one of his chairs. He pulls out about half the stuff before coming up with a picture that I can't see and small velvet case. "Here we go."
Wow, it's a picture of him and David Robinson. "You knew David Robinson?"
"Yeah in between my careers as a SEAL and surface warfare I was an aide to Vice Admiral Fenton." Wow, he never mentioned that part of his career before.
"Really? I didn't know that."
"You didn't think I just joined up with my new profession without having to jump through some hoops did you?"
"Actually I kinda did."
"Well, anyway, Admiral Fenton was giving the commencement speech at the Academy that year so I was force to attend as well. After which I met a then Ensign Robinson and he gave me this." The Admiral opens up the case to reveal a silver dollar.
"You were David Robinson's first salute?"
"Yeah, the Admiral knew he was going to go pro after his four years were up so he wanted to meet him first. I was sent to find him and bring him back to talk with the Admiral. I was there first, so I got his coin. I had the picture taken with him after he met the Admiral."
I can't help but laugh a little. "The Admiral gets 'the Admiral's' coin. That's a hell of a story sir."
"I thought you might like it and I'd like you to have them. I know you're into basketball and I figured you'd appreciate something like this more than anyone else here would and my daughter wouldn't understand something like this so I can't give it to her either."
"Thank you sir." Sturgis is going to turn green with envy when he sees this.
"Now then, let's get down to business." Twenty minutes later, I'm walking out of his office for the last time, my marching orders, picture, and coin in hand. I make a quick stop in my office to secure my orders in the wall safe. Looking down at the picture, I decide to keep it here as well. My personal life has always been my own, but here I've always tried to uphold to the highest standard because that's what he demanded of me. I'm keeping it here as a reminder to that effect. Opening the safe back up, I set the case inside too. The picture and the coin belong together as a set. Kinda like Mac and I, I guess. Locking up my office, I head for the nearest exit. Things are about to change around here in a hurry, but as long as I put one foot in front of the other everything will eventually work itself out. I'm not going home just yet. I'm not exactly ready to face Mattie again. Besides, right about now there's a friend of mine who might be having a little more difficulty believing that everything's going to be okay. I'm betting, or at least hoping a good, supportive friend bearing some of her favorite ice cream and some chocolate syrup just might help change her mind and brighten her day.
Author's Note 3: I realize there might be some who don't care for the way I have Harm reacting to the idea that Mattie will be leaving him. Frankly I'd rather see Harm upset at the idea of Mattie leaving. I think it's a more accurate reality of someone who'd grown to love another person and then was faced with the prospect of losing them. If Harm truly loves Mattie, then its ludicrous for us to believe he'd be happy about losing her even if it's to her own father.
Author's Note 2: I didn't even realize that I'd had the chapter repeat itself at the end until a friend mentioned it to me. This should clean it up a bit and I changed a bit of the dialog that never really suited me very well during its creation.
1553 ZULU
JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA
"Well there you go; this Wednesday afternoon, twelve-thirty."
"Fine." Mac rolls her eyes at me and I wish she wouldn't, this is for her own good whether she knows it or not.
"I'll be right back." Wandering down the hall to my office, I reach behind the door and grab my heating pad. Damn, stubborn Marines, I don't understand why she let's these things get so out of hand. As an aviator, I have to keep myself in top shape, especially if I expect to keep flying at my age.
"Is your back bothering you sir?" Looking over from the sink, I see Harriet standing in the doorway.
"You could say that Harriet. How's yours?"
Harriet laughs, "Fine for now sir, but ask me again in six months".
"We'll miss you Harriet." Well at least she's not leaving today. I hope we're going to have her for at least another couple of months or so.
"Thank you sir, I don't suppose you can spare any of that hot water?"
"Of course." I hold up the hot water kettle and fill her mug as she holds it out to me. "Look can I ask a favor of you?"
"Sure sir, what can I do for you?"
"I need you to get in touch with the Virginia State Police about an accident report I need to get a look at."
"What do I need to tell them?"
"It was a little over eighteen months ago, it's the Johnson accident, one woman killed as a result. I've got an exact date of occurrence somewhere in my office. I'll bring it by for you in a bit."
"Is this in regard to Mattie?"
"Yeah."
"Can I ask why you're doing this?"
"Because there's some things that aren't adding up with her story and either she's lying about them or she doesn't really know what happened and if it's the latter it's important that she understands exactly what happened that night."
"I'll get right on it sir."
"Thanks Harriet. So how long are you planning on staying at JAG before you leave?"
"Um, about a month sir."
Ah, crap. "So soon?"
"I really think it's for the best sir."
"Any idea where you'll end up?"
"I'm not exactly sure sir, I haven't exactly given it a lot of thought."
"Well, just don't be a stranger when you do leave alright?"
"I will sir." Capping the heating pad I walk out of the break room and head back to Mac's office. "Okay here we go."
"Harm I don't need this."
"Quit being stubborn and lean forward Mac." She gives me the eyes again, but at least she leans forward like a good Marine. "There, leave that there for at least twenty minutes and take these." Reaching into my pocket, I pull out a package of extra strength Tylenol.
"Harm..."
"Stop talking and take them." The look on her face tells me she just humoring me, but I really couldn't care so long as she takes them. She sighs softly as she leans back into the heating pad in chair. "Better?" She doesn't have to say yes, I know it is. Besides, it is written all over her face.
"A little." She leans side to side in what I assume is an attempt to loosen up her back. Looking over at her shelf I gaze at the carousel or whatever the hell that thing is Webb got for her. I'm surprised Mac got such joy from a simple little thing like that hunk of plastic. I wouldn't say I was the most generous boyfriend when it came to giving gifts to my various girlfriends, I had to call out Mac's name in bed before I bought roses on a whim for Renee and let's be honest about it, I did it because I didn't want to end up in the dog house with her. Palmer gave Jordan more gifts than I ever did or at least better gifts anyway. Roses, chocolates, champagne, a gourmet meal, and the sexy negligee I found her in that night. I think those are most of the highlights. I can't imagine that thing on her shelf is that expensive and if it got that kind of reaction out of Mac, maybe my approach on gift giving is a little skewed. It needn't be expensive to be memorable. Well, I think I had better leave now before wear out my welcome, besides I need to get that date to Harriet before she makes that call. The fact that he didn't serve any time just isn't sitting well with me.
"Harm?" I turn around at the doorway and look over my shoulder at her when I hear her call my name. "Thank you."
"Your welcome."
2241 ZULU
COMMANDER RABB'S APARTMENT
NORTH OF UNION STATION
Where the hell is she? "I'll give her ten more minutes then I'm going out to look for her."
"And I'm coming with you."
"Jen..."
"Commander don't even think about leaving me out of something like this."
"Fine, ten minutes okay?" I really don't know what kind of excuse I was going to hand to her that would seem reasonable enough to keep her here anyway.
"She could be staying at school until her Alateen meeting tonight."
"Maybe, but she'd call us if she was." I can't sit here. I've already finished cleaning up all the dishes and dinner's sitting on the counter getting cold. I pray to God she didn't run away or... I just hope nothing's happened to her. "Fuck it, let's go now."
By the way Jen practically springs out of her seat I guess I wasn't the only one growing more impatient with every minute. "Where to first?"
Throwing dinner in the frig I grab the keys to the Lexus off the hook. "Her school, it's the best place I can think of."
"You know her meetings are at the youth center now don't you?"
What the fuck? "When did that happen?"
"Last week apparently there was some water damage in the room they used from that storm and they couldn't get another room so they moved it to the youth rec center."
"She never told me." That shouldn't surprise me; Mattie's failed to tell me a lot in the past few months. The terrible thing is it isn't the small things either. She's been making it a habit of hiding the big things from me too. I wish she understood that I'm not going to judge her for what happened in her past. It doesn't take us long to reach the school. "I think our best guess is the gym or the library. Which one do you want to take?"
"Harm I've been inside here like once, I don't know where any of it is."
"I guess we're going to the gym then." Once we get there, we can see a number of kids playing basketball and others are hanging out on the bleachers, but none of them are Mattie. "Go into the locker room, see if she's in there." The longer this takes the more my mind is wrapping itself around the worst possible outcomes. She's been kidnapped, she's been killed, she crying out for me and I can't hear her.
It isn't long before Jen comes back out a short while later shaking her head. "She not in there. I asked the girls inside if they'd seen her and no one's seen her since school got out." Rounding a corner on our way to the rec center Jen grabs my shoulder. "Slow down, it won't do Mattie a damn bit of good if we get killed trying to find her."
The library was a bust, the damn librarian couldn't remember if she seen her today or yesterday. I thanked my lucky stars we got out of there in under ten minutes, that woman looked like she could have talked forever. "Sorry, I'm getting worried Jen."
"I know, me too."
When I finally park the Lexus Jen hops out just as fast I do as we make our way into the center. I'm just about to open the door to one of the conference rooms when a voice stops me. "Sir you can't go in there, there's a meeting in progress." Stupid woman, doesn't she think I know that? I'd say by the look on Jen's face, she's thinking the same thing.
"I know that, an alateen meeting. I need to know if Mattie Grace is in there."
"I haven't seen Mattie all day. In fact this is the first meeting I think she's ever missed."
This is going from bad to worse. "If she shows up tell her to call home immediately."
"Is there something wrong?"
Like hell am I going to tell everyone that I've lost my daughter. "Just tell her to give me a call if you see her."
"Okay."
"Thank you." As we get back into the car, I hand Jen my cell as she directs me to a shopping mall that her and Mattie frequent occasionally. "Call both of our places. Maybe she was just late getting home."
When Jen doesn't get a response, I concentrate on the sidewalks as we drive along, I'm lucky, but not lucky enough to just happen upon her walking down the sidewalk. "Mattie give Harm a call on his cell when you get this message." Jen gives me my phone back as we pull into the parking lot of the mall. "Sorry, nothing."
"Okay what's your best guess here?"
"I say we start on one end and just work our way through the whole thing."
"Alright, but after this we're heading back home." Please God let her be all right. If something were to happen to her, I could never forgive myself. Jen points out the likely shops she might be as we approach them, but we're disappointed every time we check them out. I wonder if this was how mom felt when I ran off to Vietnam. She was so mad at me, but at the time, she was crying so hard that when I finally did come home that it was hard to tell she was mad at all. I remember being grounded for two months. I also seem to remember being pretty good about obeying my punishment too. After what I'd seen and done, sneaking out to spend time with my friends was low on my list of things to do. Not to mention that fact that I was completely exhausted. In fact, it took awhile just to readjust to the slower pace of life here in the states. When I find Mattie and she's safe and sound, I'm going to call mom and apologize for doing what I did to her. Mattie may or may not being missing, but after only a few hours, I'm getting worried. I was gone for over ten weeks. I can't imagine what that must have done to mom. She saw the scars I came home with and asked about. Hell, she demanded to know about them, but I wouldn't tell her.
Jen shakes my shoulder to get my attention; we've finally reached the other side of the mall with no success in finding her. "Harm she's not here, let's go home."
"Okay." There's no hiding it now. Now I have to call the police and tell the world that Harmon Rabb has lost the one person he was responsible for.
1350 ZULU
COMMANDER RABB'S APARTMENT
NORTH OF UNION STATION
"What can I do?"
"You're doing it." I'm not sure what it is I'm doing that's helping, but I'll keep doing it for her sake. When Mac knocked on my door this morning I was heading into day four without any kind of contact from Mattie and I thought she'd finally decided to talk to me. I'm sure she thinks I'm mad at her, and I was, but only for a little while. When I went back to my place, I had a long talk with mom over the phone. She's the one who suggested I give Mattie her space. Personally, at one point, I was all for kicking down the door and demanding answers, mom convinced me otherwise. It was a real eye opener to hear what my trip to Vietnam did to her now that I'm parent or maybe it's just that I understood her a little better. Opening the door to fine Mac on my doorstep threw me for a loop, not to mention her news of Webb's death. Mac hasn't shown up at my door in a long time and that was just to get a favor out of me. I think it was just about a year ago now; I was sitting in Paraguay near that busted up plane wishing for Webb's death... and now here we are. I know I'm not responsible and I don't have some kind of voodoo power that killed him, but I still feel awful for even thinking it or wishing it. Then there's Mac; I feel terrible about saying I hoped Webb's luck is better than her previous husbands and boyfriends. I really hope she isn't chalking up Webb's death to her curse. Part of me thinks she already is though. She came to my door with tears in her eyes and it wasn't because she lost another boyfriend; she loved him. I know that now. If Mac says he's dead because she can feel it, that's enough proof for me. The woman plucked me out of several hundred square miles of ocean one dark and stormy night; I have every faith in her... well, let's call them abilities. I know what Webb's last moments must have been like. I wasn't going to drown, but I damn near died under the same sea state. "Harm?"
"Yes."
"What's it like?"
I hope she's not asking me what I think she is. I though that's what Tanveer was for on the Wake Island. I'm going to play dumb as long as possible. "What's what like?"
"Being an agent."
I don't see how this line of questioning is going to help her. "Mac..."
"Why would he lie to me?"
"Mac you already know the answer to that. He didn't want you to worry."
"That's not good enough."
"Maybe he was afraid you'd doubt his abilities after Paraguay if you knew he was going to be in danger."
"I'm a Marine Harm, I can handle the people I care about heading into dangerous situations."
"Mac honestly, had you known that he was going on a dangerous mission, would that have softened the blow of the news of his death?"
"No." No, I can't imagine that it could have.
"He did it to spare you as much as he possibly could."
"He still lied to me Harm. How would you feel?" Well she's got me there. She knows full well that I'd want to know if they were going to be in danger or not. Actually, I don't know why Mac believed him in the first place. Even Blaisdale told me as I was being shown the door that CIA operations are supposed to operate in secret.
"I wouldn't like it, but I'd try to understand considering the line of work Webb was in Mac."
"Meaning..."
"Meaning that they're never going to tell you the truth Mac; you will never know why he died or what he was actually doing over there. They do it to protect themselves and the mission; and sometimes, they do it to protect the people back home." It's not that I couldn't get the information, I could if I wanted to, but frankly I just don't care. I'd rather not know. Besides, what I don't know I can't lie about to Mac. "Isn't that why you didn't tell me where you were going last spring?"
"Harm I still told you the mission was going to be dangerous. I told you because I knew you'd want to know, just like I'd want to know." I'm not positive, but this stinks of something else.
"Mac, do you blame yourself for not being able to help him?"
"No."
"Because there was nothing that you could do."
Mac pushes herself off my couch as she snaps at me. "I know that Harm." Mac paces back and forth a few times before she stops to stare out the window. "I'm sorry."
"Its okay." I think I've proven the fact that's she's at least thinking rationally. If memory serves, Webb was dead before she even got her first gift. Looking at my watch, I see its already past 9:30 and I have a deposition to take in a drug possession case of mine in an hour. "What do you say I buy you lunch at work today?"
Mac just shakes her head. "I'm taking the day off Harm." I should have seen that coming, and it's for the best I guess.
"Give me a call if you need anything okay?"
"I will, and thank you Harm."
"Any time Mac."
2146 ZULU
UNITED STATES NAVAL ACADEMY
ANNAPOLIS, MARYLAND
By the senior officer covers already here on the table I'd say Sturgis and the Admiral are already here, but not Mac, at least not yet. Doesn't matter, she's still got another fifteen minutes or so before she has to be here. Normally I enjoy any drive to the academy, but the news of Mattie and her father has completely thrown me off balance. I don't know what I was really expecting this whole time. I guess I wanted Mattie to accept her mother's death, but somehow remain in my care. I didn't think those letters would make such a difference, not that I would have withheld them had I known anyway, but still... my odds of keeping her are becoming much longer than they ever were before. Maybe if Mattie still hated him it'd be different, but now that she's spending time with him, my chances of keeping her have gone right out the damn window.
"What is it about that table you find so fascinating." Looking over I see Sturgis approaching me. I guess I was staring wasn't I?
"Nothing, just thinking."
"About Mac or Webb?" Neither. "You know already don't you?"
"Yeah, Mac came over this morning. Damn shame."
"How was she taking it?"
"About as well as can be expected I guess."
"I didn't see her at work today."
"She took the day off."
"She knows her attendance is mandatory tonight doesn't she?"
I never thought about that. "I would think so."
"Well let's go get a drink while we wait for the meal to start."
I set my cover down next to his. "First round is on you. I bought the last one."
"Fine by me." Bellying up the bar, Jen sits down just as we do. "Petty Officer."
"Commanders." Sturgis proceeds with our order as Jen turns towards me. "Did Mattie speak with you?"
"Yeah was that your idea or hers?"
"I thought it was important that she tell you where she's been."
"Thank you for that."
"Did she tell you everything?"
"Unless there was more than her spending time with her father I think so."
"So what do you think?"
"I think I'm about to lose the closest thing I've ever had to a daughter." Sturgis hands me my beer, which I immediately pass on to Jen and order another for myself.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be, without you I wouldn't have even had these past few months with her."
"Mattie's leaving?"
Jen and I both nod as Sturgis digests that. He's the first one outside of the two of us to know that. "Well it looks that way."
"I'm sorry."
"Thanks." When my beer arrives, Sturgis excuses himself to talk to some of the newly arrived guests. I'm glad he left, I'd rather he not hear this. "Jen I want you to know that if Mattie does leave I'll continue to pay her half of the rent until you can find a roommate."
"That's not necessary sir."
"Yes it is Jen. I cannot overemphasize how wonderful you have been. I will never be able to repay what you've done for me and there's no reason why you should have to leave your home just because Mattie might."
"Thank you." Jen looks down at her beer before lifting it up for a toast. "Friends?"
"Friends and neighbors." Jen smiles as our glasses come together and we both take a long hard drink.
"Look who I found." Turning around Jen and I watch Sturgis haul Bud, Harriet, and Mike over to the Bar. One look at Harriet reminds me how much I dislike the female mess dress uniform. I don't know what it is... it; it just seems... okay they're ugly; it's that simple. Mac too whenever it is she shows up. The female Marine mess dress is just as bad.
"To our Madam Vice." Jen, Sturgis, and I all lift our glasses and drink. I'm so glad the Admiral didn't pick Sturgis. I'd have never seen the end of the punishments he could have inflicted on me. Sturgis delights in picking out infractions and the punishments that go with them with this sort of thing.
Harriet blushes slightly in response to our toast. "Thanks, but I better go and talk to the Admiral before we begin."
"Well pull up a chair ladies and let's have a drink before we're at the mercy of a balding dictator." All the guys have a laugh at that including Jen who chuckles to herself. "Bar Keep, another round on me."
Sturgis and the other sit down just as the first couple of beers arrive. "Did you see Mac yet?"
Licking my lips as I finish off my first beer, I turn around to scan the crowd. "No, why is she here?"
"No, that's why I was asking."
"Isn't her attendance mandatory at a dining out?"
Looking back at Bud I nod. "I think so, Sturgis?"
"Yeah last one I went to a guy got written up for failing to show." Even though none of us are mentioning it, I think we're all a little worried about Mac. Sturgis and I for good reason due in part to our knowledge about Webb. She only has five minutes before this thing is supposed to start and it's not like her to be late.
"Ladies and Gentlemen; the President of the mess." I'm sitting down next to an empty chair. I can't believe Mac didn't show up. We downed our beers and made it to our table just before the guy with the bagpipe started playing. Sturgis and I just look at each other and everyone else at our table as the servers remove Mac's plate, chair, and silver were before serving our meal.
"Do we want takes bets as to what her excuse is going to be?" I'm trying to keep the mood light, but I get the feeling that I'm failing in spite of the laughs it generates. God Mac where the hell are you?
Oh my God... normally this is where I'd call myself an enormous ass for bringing up the baby deal, but how was I to know? All I wanted was tell her that she there was one thing in her life she could still be in control of if she still wanted to. She seemed like she was out of sorts at the party and I wanted... well I don't know what I wanted. I wanted to help her, but I'm not sure why I chose that avenue to do it with. I know she wants children and, and... and now this. Endometriosis, I'm no expert, but from what little I know, simply having children is going to be an uphill battle if at all possible to begin with and that's why I feel so bad for even bringing it up. I knew something was wrong the moment I heard the tone of her voice, she's never that distance in regards to that topic. After the toasts and all the socializing we did, I was thankful to isolate her outside away from the crowds in there. Then she dropped the bombshell on me. Correction, it fell on her; I'm just suffering from the mere aftershocks. Mac looks like she's about ready to cry, I'm holding her hand after giving her the same lines her doctor probably gave her. 'I'm so sorry.' How is that supposed to help at all in a time like this? If she was going to cry, the next voice brings that thought to a screeching halt. "Colonel, Commander."
"Sir." He couldn't have picked a worse time and what the hell is he doing out here anyway? Mac didn't get to her feet as quickly as I did so I'm going to have draw his attention elsewhere.
"Are you having a good time sir?"
"Just taking a little stroll, reliving some old memories before I go."
"You're leaving sir?"
"Well I was planning to go back in, but now that the two of you are out here I won't have to."
Mac looks at me before voicing the same question running through my head. "Why is that sir?"
"I'm sure you're both well aware of the fact that June 4th is my last official day as the JAG with the change in command taking place on the following Monday."
"Yes sir."
"I'm taking the last two weeks in terminal leave. Colonel I'm going to be placing you in charge of JAG for those two weeks and I want you to hand over the Command to the new JAG." Wow, this really is the end, most everybody thought we'd have him for another two weeks.
"Sir I..."
"Is there a problem Colonel?" God, he doesn't know the half of it.
"Sir I was hoping to request a week's vacation on Monday, there are some personal things I need to deal with.
"Colonel if it's not vital..."
"They are sir." Well I suppose if you're going to interrupt an Admiral you might as well do it when he's on his way out the door.
The Admiral looks just about as irritated as I thought he might be. I guess with Mac asking for today off and now an additional week in addition to being late for his dining out the Admiral's going to be a little peeved without knowing the circumstances involved. "Fine, Commander, in your spare time, arrange the Colonel's leave. I'll name you as the temporary JAG so you can authorize anything else that needs to be taken care of."
"Yes sir."
"I'm cleaning out my office tomorrow so come in some time around 1300 to receive your orders."
He wants to do this on a Saturday? Well I can forget about flying tomorrow. "Yes sir."
"Good, I hope everyone has a good time tonight and I'll see you tomorrow. Colonel."
Mac and I both offer him a salute, which he returns before Mac stops him on his way to his car. "Sir it's been an honor serving with you."
"You too Colonel, goodbye."
"Bye." When the Admiral heads towards the parking lot, Mac drops back down to the bench and looks over at me. "Think he's mad?"
Sitting down, I lean back as I watch the Admiral walk away. "Who cares?"
"I do."
"Why?"
"Harm, he kept me here at JAG when a lot of CO's would have thrown me to the wolves. Remember the mishap report?"
"You mean the one Singer put in your car?"
"You never could have proven that Harm."
"That doesn't mean it didn't happen."
"Then there's the fact that I'm responsible for Petty Officer La Port spending the rest of her life in jail."
"You mean for spying on her country?"
"Harm..."
I don't know why she's doing this to herself and I won't allow it. "Mac none of that crap matters."
"It matters to me Harm, sometimes it feels like my career is the only thing I have control of and now..." She doesn't need to finish the thought. She's worried about the Marines handing her a medical discharge and wiping their hands of her. Bud's still here only here because he's in the Navy, if he were a Marine they would have sent him on his way long time ago. I wrap Mac up in a big hug and she willingly lays her head against my shoulder. I'd like to say something, but right now's probably not the best time for words.
I hate to do this, but its time to change the subject; I just wish it didn't have to be this one. Then again, nothing else has the power this topic does. I've been holding Mac tight against me for the past ten minutes or so. It didn't take long for the tears to start flowing and occasionally I've heard a muffled sob, but I think she's just about finished for now. "Does his mom know?"
Mac pulls away and rubs her eyes. Her tears have smudged her mascara a little bit. "She called me today." I think I have a tissue or something in my pocket somewhere.
Ah, bingo. Mac smiles as I offer it to her. "How was she?"
"She's hurting." She is too; I refuse to believe she cried all her tears for Webb in my apartment.
"When's the funeral?"
"This Tuesday."
"Do you want me to go with you?"
She's trying so hard to be strong, but her eyes are still giving her away. She's barely hanging on as it is. "You're going to go?" She shouldn't have to ask me that. Yeah I despised him for endangering Mac and kicking me out of the CIA, but I still respected the man.
"I'll probably be there, I'm just trying to offer you my support."
"That'd be nice."
"Mac about what I said earlier..."
"You mean about our little pact?"
"Yeah, I didn't mean to cause you..."
Mac gives me a small smile and silences me with an upraised hand. "You couldn't have known Harm." That's of little consolation to me. "Harm?"
"Yes?"
"Do you wonder what he was thinking before it happened?" I don't have to wonder, I've been in his shoes. Of course, maybe that's why she's asking, so that she might understand.
"I know exactly what he was thinking." Thankfully, Mac waits in silence for me to organize my thoughts. "Part of him was thinking that this wasn't the way he wanted to go out, but most importantly he was thinking about the people closest to him. So, if you've wondering whether or not he was thinking about you the answer is yes. You were probably the only thing on his mind."
"How do you know all that for sure?"
"Downing in the Atlantic is no different than drowning in another ocean Mac. I don't remember anything concerning my rescue after I lost my gun. But even before that, after I was forced away from that radio buoy I fully expected to die. In between the swells I thought about everyone I was leaving behind, especially you, mom and Grandma. We weren't even dating and I was thinking about you Mac. You can bet your boots you were all Webb was thinking about." Damn awful death, drowning, if you ask me. Sucking in saltwater until your lungs burn, I can vividly remember it to this day and probably always will be able to until the day that I finally do die.
"I just wish I'd understood his world a little better."
"You were a part of that world Mac, you saw everything there was to see."
"I saw a predator strike Harm, all the planning was done without me." Hmm, maybe I should give her a big 'welcome to my world'. Planning wasn't something they let me sit in on either.
"No you saw what mattered. A mission always looks good on paper, it's when you carry it out that things can go to hell in a hand basket."
"Or when agents try rescuing people."
"You mean Gunny."
"I couldn't let him sit there and rot while we didn't nothing." She should know she doesn't have to explain her actions to me.
"Mac I probably would have done the same thing."
"Probably?"
"Well I wasn't in your position."
"Say that you were."
"Mac I won't play the what if game. I don't know what I would have done." Actually, that's a blatant lie. I know exactly what I would have done. Had Webb not been preoccupied trying to rescue Gunny with Mac, he might have done the same. I would have requested a satellite pass over the region from Langley. I probably would have found the stingers in transport and taken them out with the Predator. Only after I'd cleaned that up would I have attempted a rescue for Gunny's sake. At least then if I'd ended up in Mac and Webb's predicament I'd have had the luxury of knowing that at the very least the Stingers had been destroyed.
I think its time to wrap this up. "Do you want to back inside, maybe get another piece of cake?" The chocolate cake we had desert was out of this world and I know chocolate of any kind is Mac's favorite comfort food.
"I think I want to go home."
"If you want, I'll take you home. I just need a few minutes to go back in and say goodbye to Sturgis and a few others."
"Okay."
"Mac?"
"Yeah?"
"We're going to beat this." I really don't know how much I believe that. Part of me is afraid for her life, but from what I understand there's an excellent chance of recovery if this sort of thing is detected early enough. No, what I mean is I don't know how exactly to help in this case. I can console a grieving friend because her boyfriend's dead, I've done that before, I've gone through that before myself, but this isn't your typical enemy, Mac going to have to win this fight on her own while I'm forced to watch from the sidelines. I've never had to deal with illnesses like this. My family has been blessed to have experienced such good health and with Mac's recent development I'm even more grateful for it.
"Thank you."
She's just about to walk inside when I stop her again. "Mac I know you just found out, but is there anyone else you'd like to tell? Harriet maybe? She loves you, you know."
"Maybe someday Harm, but not today. I want to keep this between the two of us for now."
"Okay, but just remember I'm not the only one who'd be willing to support you during this."
"I know Harm. Coming?"
"Yeah." Grabbing the door handle, I hold it open for her as she walks through.
"There you two are." Turning around I see Sturgis heading for us with a glass of wine in one hand and a bottle in the other. "Where've you been?"
"Outside talking with the Admiral."
"Any last words of wisdom from the old man?"
"No, just that's taking the next two weeks off and I've been put in charge to hand the reins over to the new JAG."
Sturgis' eyebrows shoot up as that sinks in. "So he's left for good?"
Yeah I can't believe it either, but this past week has shaken JAG from top to bottom so it shouldn't surprise me as much as it actually does. "Just now."
Sturgis grabs a glass from a passing tray. "Wow, well, can I fill you up?"
"Sorry buddy I just came in to say good night."
"Where you going so early?"
"He's giving me a ride home."
Sturgis furrow his brow at Mac. I know he didn't want me leaving this early. "What happened to your ride?"
"I took a cab here."
"Why?"
"Flat tire and I didn't have a spare."
"That must have been one hell of a fare."
Mac shakes her head as she looks at me, and back at Sturgis. "You're telling me."
"Well I'll see you guys on Monday then."
As the crowd swallows up Sturgis, I turn towards Mac. "Anybody in particular you want to say good night to?"
"Why don't we go congratulate Bud on his promotion." Now there was a shocker, once the Admiral mentioned Bud being out of uniform I knew what was going to happen, I just didn't expect it is all. In all honesty, despite my testimony on his behalf, I didn't think Bud would even be allowed to remain in the Navy on a full time basis. I've never been so glad to be proven wrong. The Admiral whispered something to him as he administered his oath, but it was far too faint for me to hear it. Maybe Sturgis and those damn sonar trained ears of his could have picked it up, but I have to believe that my continual exposure to the roar of the jet engines has to have had an effect on my hearing over the years.
Opening my door, I catch Mattie raiding my frig when I walk back into my apartment. "You're back early." I only nod as I undo my bow tie. After we said goodbye to Sturgis, Bud, and Harriet among others I swiped another piece of cake and took Mac home. There was little conversation on the way to her place. Talking would have been difficult anyway. Mac asked if we could drive home with the top down. I always feel more alive with the top down and I'm sure that's what she was looking for too. "Well how was it?"
"Fine."
Mattie sets whatever it is she pulled out of the frig into the microwave and starts it. "Just fine?" I don't know how to feel about any of this. I've just left one problem to come home to another.
"Yeah."
"Did I do something wrong?"
"No."
"Then what is it?" I want to tell her about Mac, but I've given my word to keep my mouth shut. If I tell Mattie, it'll get to Jen and if that happens I might as well announce it to all of JAG with a blow horn.
"Its nothing." "Liar, its obviously something. Is it about Mac?"
Close, but my mind has already leaped to my other dilemma. Mattie and her father reconciling. That shouldn't be a dilemma, but it is, and it's for purely selfish reasons. No one I know would ever use that word to describe me. When I'm dead and gone, I know that my selflessness will be one of the most prominent words used to describe the man I was and the life I lived. God that's awfully vain of me. Thing is, I want to be selfish here even though I know I won't be. I know I'll help Mattie along and when her dad wins the custody battle, I'll send her on her way without a fight. "No." Oh God, I never realized how right Mrs. Smithfield was; 'Treasure every moment cause they'll never come again.' Not only will those moments never come again, but also my days with her are already numbered.
"What's the matter with you?"
When I don't answer, Mattie heads for the door, ignoring her plate on the countertop and obviously irritated, but I stop her before she can reach it. "You're leaving me aren't you? If your dad asks for custody you're going to leave with him."
"Yes." Oh, God that's cold. You know I was happy Mattie and her dad made up, but I can't help but feel like I'm being used and then tossed aside. "That's what you're so upset about?" I'd say by the look in her eyes she never once believed she could do something like this to me.
"Is that so hard to believe?" I can't do this anymore, everyone in my life has left me in one way or another save mom and one day she will be gone and what will I have left? I don't even want to try to answer that question as I flop down on my couch.
Mattie takes her sweet time walking over to me and sitting down on my chair. "Maybe I just didn't want to believe it mattered so much to you."
"How can you say something like that? I told you when you moved in that I needed you. I can't tell you how excited I was for Father's Day this year. I thought maybe by that point you'd see me as one instead of just some guardian watching over you." This was going to be the best Father's Day of my life, probably because it was going to be my first, but I just knew it'd be better than another Sunday alone along with another quiet visit with dad at the wall.
"Harm..." Please don't patronize me Mattie, not tonight, especially after the news with Mac. She stops there before taking a breath and continuing. "Harm I never... whenever I thought about my father, all these terrible thoughts sprung to mind. Things I could never associate with you." Oh please, don't tell me this is this her way of saying, 'You're too good for me to call you dad.' I want to say something to make her stay, but I won't, instead I'll sit here and watch another person walk out of my life. I did it with Jordan didn't I? I watched her walk right out of this place and I know I'll do it again. "I... I have to help my dad Harm. He needs me like I needed you six months ago."
"And what about me?" Wow, I can't believe I voiced that thought; it just came out before I could sensor it and now I'm going to pay the price. Yeah, there it is. Mattie just lowers her head knowing that she can't and won't stay here with me and be my daughter. I don't know why, but I was foolishly hoping she'd smile, and tell me there's no place else she'd rather be.
"Harm I..."
"Whatever Mattie, its nothing."
Harm..."
"I'm going to bed, don't forget your plate in the microwave I'm sure its probably cold by now."
"Harm, wait..."
I can't take this anymore; spinning around I interrupt her. "Wait for what Mattie, a reason why you're leaving that I don't want to hear? Can't you understand that the very thought of losing you is tearing me up inside every time I think about it? I can't tell you how much I was looking forward to being your dad forever and now... now you're telling me that I can't be. Don't you understand how much that hurts? Right now, I just need some time alone to deal with it and think some things through, okay?"
She looks like she's about to cry, well she can join the club because I'm just about there myself. "Okay."
"I still love you Mattie, and I will always love you even if it kills me to see you walk out that door forever." Walking behind my bedroom screen, I hear the door open and shut before can manage to take off my jacket.
1610 ZULU
JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA
I haven't done this is in a long time; I always hated coming into JAG on a Saturday like this. I used to do it as a Lieutenant quite a bit. I was still a little... well, very unsure of myself in my new profession and I always wanted to be as prepared as possible so I'd come in here on Saturdays so I could work in peace. Once Kate came along all that changed, having a partner certainly helped cut down the workload. Unfortunately, I dumped most of that work on Meg when she joined me so she probably had to come in a few Saturdays herself. Of course Meg was never one to let someone walk all over her, she dragged me along more than a few times which is admirable considering I had a whole stripe on her at times. I used to like the building we used for headquarters in D.C a lot more than here. It was much closer to home and the offices seemed more private. After Meg was shot all that changed, I couldn't work there long without seeing the blood stain on the carpet in my mind. With Mac, we'd normally just have working dinners at each other's place. It was amazing how much we could accomplish in a single night's work. This is so much different; today I'm here to receive my first command. It's going to be short lived, but it's still my command plus I have the added benefit of getting out of my tiny, little office for the next two weeks. My office, my chair, and my command; I like the sound of that. As much as I like trying cases in the courtroom and hated the paperwork I had to deal with when I filled in for the Admiral, I still liked being in charge. Call it a heady rush of power and responsibility, but I loved it every minute of it. Well maybe that's because I never had to do the job for an extended period of time. I'd probably grow to hate it then. I could have done without Secretary Nelson bitching me out for Mac and Bud's using that damn General's record during their trial, hell I don't even remember his name anymore. As for the concussion based hallucinations of Mac, while sexually stimulating to be sure, probably weren't for the best either. Still... any time I think about Mac and the rain in the same thought, oh baby. It's been years since then and that still gets me going every time. I saw the Admiral's ride in the parking lot so I know he's here, but I'm in no hurry to get up to his office. Walking into the bullpen, I stop and look around. Everything seems normal right now, but a month from now so much will be different. The Admiral will be gone, Harriet's leaving too. Bud's new rank will be posted above his door. Those are things that have or will come to pass. The wild card is Mac; I can only hope she'll be allowed to stay in the Marines. If she goes JAG will never be the same, and our senior staff meetings will have one more unfamiliar face to grow accustomed to. Passing Jen's desk I think about Tiner. Has it really been a year since he left for OCS? It amazing how well Jen filled in for him. Well Jen's amazing period. I could never repay her for everything she's done for me.
Stopping outside the Admiral's door, I take a deep breath before knocking. "Come on in Commander." Opening the door, I see a number of boxes lying around. Some of them are filled, others only partially and a few more are empty. I never knew he had this much stuff packed away in here. When the Admiral pokes his head up from behind his desk, I'm glad I wore my uniform as he came in his. He drops about a handful of pens and pencils into a bag on his desk. "Have a seat."
"Thank you sir."
"Did you have fun last night?"
"Yes sir, I think everybody did."
"Have you ever been to a dining out before?"
"Once, a long time ago. I was a Lieutenant j.g. then, and after my first cruise on the Sea Hawk all the pilots, NFO's, and other aircrew men were invited to one."
"You know Commander you're just about the only person I haven't given something to yet."
I don't want his stuff either, there's simply nothing here that appeals to me. "That's not necessary sir, I don't need something of yours to remember you by."
"Nothing here catches your eye?" Well if he hadn't given his bookends to Sturgis maybe, I'd have taken those. Those at least have a functional purpose.
"Not really sir."
"Well I've got something here that might change your mind." Not likely. I watch as the Admiral heads for one of the boxes he packed up and set on one of his chairs. He pulls out about half the stuff before coming up with a picture that I can't see and small velvet case. "Here we go."
Wow, it's a picture of him and David Robinson. "You knew David Robinson?"
"Yeah in between my careers as a SEAL and surface warfare I was an aide to Vice Admiral Fenton." Wow, he never mentioned that part of his career before.
"Really? I didn't know that."
"You didn't think I just joined up with my new profession without having to jump through some hoops did you?"
"Actually I kinda did."
"Well, anyway, Admiral Fenton was giving the commencement speech at the Academy that year so I was force to attend as well. After which I met a then Ensign Robinson and he gave me this." The Admiral opens up the case to reveal a silver dollar.
"You were David Robinson's first salute?"
"Yeah, the Admiral knew he was going to go pro after his four years were up so he wanted to meet him first. I was sent to find him and bring him back to talk with the Admiral. I was there first, so I got his coin. I had the picture taken with him after he met the Admiral."
I can't help but laugh a little. "The Admiral gets 'the Admiral's' coin. That's a hell of a story sir."
"I thought you might like it and I'd like you to have them. I know you're into basketball and I figured you'd appreciate something like this more than anyone else here would and my daughter wouldn't understand something like this so I can't give it to her either."
"Thank you sir." Sturgis is going to turn green with envy when he sees this.
"Now then, let's get down to business." Twenty minutes later, I'm walking out of his office for the last time, my marching orders, picture, and coin in hand. I make a quick stop in my office to secure my orders in the wall safe. Looking down at the picture, I decide to keep it here as well. My personal life has always been my own, but here I've always tried to uphold to the highest standard because that's what he demanded of me. I'm keeping it here as a reminder to that effect. Opening the safe back up, I set the case inside too. The picture and the coin belong together as a set. Kinda like Mac and I, I guess. Locking up my office, I head for the nearest exit. Things are about to change around here in a hurry, but as long as I put one foot in front of the other everything will eventually work itself out. I'm not going home just yet. I'm not exactly ready to face Mattie again. Besides, right about now there's a friend of mine who might be having a little more difficulty believing that everything's going to be okay. I'm betting, or at least hoping a good, supportive friend bearing some of her favorite ice cream and some chocolate syrup just might help change her mind and brighten her day.
Author's Note 3: I realize there might be some who don't care for the way I have Harm reacting to the idea that Mattie will be leaving him. Frankly I'd rather see Harm upset at the idea of Mattie leaving. I think it's a more accurate reality of someone who'd grown to love another person and then was faced with the prospect of losing them. If Harm truly loves Mattie, then its ludicrous for us to believe he'd be happy about losing her even if it's to her own father.