Title: The Empty Space
Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls, the characters, or the WB. And if I did would I be here writing fan fiction? ;)
Dedication: To the lovely reviewers at Stars-hollow.org who were so kind, helpful and sweet. Especially Lorena, Arianna, Jenz, Shannon, Kelly and stargazer. *hugs* I hope to see you around here for the revised version. :)
And to Ali, for helping me out with formatting my story.
A/N: Thank you for reviewing. Lydia, you're so sweet. :) I don't know if anyone read my last A/N, but, it was written between July-February. This is the revised version of a finished fic that is up at Stars-Hollow.org
Just wanted to clear that up. ~ Stephanie
Please R&R.
Chapter Two: Alone With My Thoughts
"Old photographs bring back sweet memories,
Lookin' at the way I held you then
Old photographs keep you here with me,
Till I find a way to get back in the picture again…"
- Sawyer Brown
His breakfast sat in front of him, uneaten. He poked at the sausage and the scrambled eggs for awhile, stirring them around the plate. No doubt was the food cold; it had been sitting in front of him for nearly an hour. Eventually, he pushed the food aside, deciding that he would never eat it. Instead, he drank the orange juice that Kate had also brought up for him.
After gulping down the drink, he pulled off the sheets, now drenched with sweat. It was much too warm for any sort of blanket. He glanced around his bedroom, wondering what to do with all his spare time. After experiencing his so-called "nightmare," his eyes were much too worn-out; reading wasn't an option. No matter how much he wanted to read the words of Hemingway, Bukowski or Fitzgerald.
He managed to avoid the empty space on the wall, and instead turned his attention to the picture frame standing on his bedside table. He picked up the picture frame, and ran his fingers over the cool glass. He smiled slightly at the picture of Kate and him; the picture had been taken almost two years ago at a warm day at the beach. He remembered that it had been their two-year anniversary; it had also been the day they decided to move in together.
It seemed like a million years ago compared to one. A million years since he told her he loved her and believed he meant it. He thinks quietly to himself for awhile, and thinks it must have took a million years to move on. 'Oh, God,' he curses silently.
He set it back on the table, and now reached for his wallet sitting beside it. Anything to distract him, right? He opened the worn-out, leather wallet, and flipped through the pockets. His fingers searched through the pockets blindly, not really looking for anything at all. Thin plastic credit cards, crisp bills, dirty coins… His fingers dug deeper through the pockets. His fingers fumbled over useless junk that hadn't been taken out, and then, he felt an old, tattered material. His eyebrows crinkled as he frowned, as he didn't recognize the item.
Curious, he pulled it out, only to discover it was a folded picture. He could see the flakiness of the edges, tired and slowly falling apart. His tired fingers unfolded the picture, guessing what it was. Jimmy, Sasha and Lily? Liz? Kate? But none of his guesses seemed quite right.
As the face of the photo was revealed, he drew back his breath in shock. His heart pounded as he ran his finger over the worn edges, and white creases. Christmas Morning. It was a picture he hadn't opened in six years. It was a snapshot of people that had become strangers to him within seven years.
He unconsciously rubbed his thumb softly against Rory's face as if she would appear before him, by doing so. His arm was draped around her shoulder, and Rory was laughing at something he had just said. He looked at himself, and saw his expression… happy. Ridiculously happy.
Ribbon and wrapping scattered around them, their presents by their sides. Books, cds, and notes with endless meanings. The scene was much like something out of a magazine ad or a family show. It would seem fake to him if it hadn't been his past.
He sighed deeply as he folded it back to its original shape. He dropped the picture into the palm of his hand, and squeezed it softly for no reason. But it looked as if the happiness that he had felt at that particular time, would relocate to the person he was today with simple squeeze. He opened his hand, and stared at it in the palm of his hand. It looked so delicate and fragile.
Yet, he shoves it into his wallet, so frustrated he forgets to put it inside pocket. He closed the wallet, and couldn't remember why he ever thought a damn wallet would distract him in the first place.
Jess glanced out the window for a moment, and soon closed his eyes and sighed deeply. He regretted staying home instead of going to work. He's filled with thoughts-- provoking thoughts he shouldn't have. Her name echoes in his head, making him dizzy.
There was the possibility that if Jess had gone to work, he would have never realized … anything. He would have never found out how much she was a part of him.
He didn't want to be attached to a girl who he hadn't seen in seven years. Want … want?
The word repeats in his head over and over and over again up to the point where it becomes the after thought.
Need.
Oh, God.