Title: The Empty Space
Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls, the characters, or the WB. And if I did would I be here writing fan fiction? ;)
Dedication: To the lovely reviewers at Stars-hollow.org who were so kind, helpful and sweet. Especially Lorena, Arianna, Jenz, Shannon, Kelly and stargazer. *hugs* I hope to see you around here for the revised version. :)
A/N: You guys are awesome. Thank you! This is the revised version of a finished fic that is up at Stars-Hollow.org ~ Stephanie
Please R&R.
Chapter Five: Truth is a Whisper
"Sometimes you choke on the smell just to breathe
I need to question what I need
Rhythm of silence that beats through your mind
Still you forget what you deny…"
- Goo Goo Dolls
His eyes were the only thing that could move in the daunting moment. They dart from the picture in her trembling hands, to the expression on her face. Her eyes were outlined with iciness; hurt filled the inside.
It was then when he realized his effect on her. The affect he could have on people. A strange, scary sensation shot up and down his spine.
"Kate, let me explain--" he pleads, sounding desperate to spill the thoughts echoing in his head.
"Who is she?" she asks through clenched teeth. She's so close from shedding a tear.
She wonders if he can sense this. Suddenly, she thinks of the times when Jess has claimed he was nothing. It wasn't always the obvious, but she could tell. She could see the message he was sending out.
Nothing. He's nothing. Right now, she thinks he had really have been nothing. Just a hazy dream meant to spin her around for a while. Her mind screams no.
He was just a hazy dream, meant to spin her around for a while, and then let go--leaving her dazed.
He isn't nothing.
Nothing doesn't effect you.
"I--She's--" No words tumble after. When the time comes for him to tell the truth--to speak--the chance slips from his fingertips.
"Who is she?" she demands, more forcefully. Her tone forces him to look at her directly in the eye, and he only knows … that he has to confess. Right here. Right now.
"Ex-girlfriend," he answers, looking away. His mouth feels dry as the word escapes his mouth. "Rory," he adds, for no reason. "My…" he wonders why another word has tumbled out. For a minute, he thinks he might finish with 'Rory'. (It scares him.) "Ex-girlfriend," he finishes.
She nods, taking in the information. She turns her back to him and takes deep breaths, trying with all her strength to force the tears down. They slowly rise to the rim of her eyes, ready to take its course.
"I can't believe this," she tells him, tossing the picture at him. He catches it, expecting the worst. "I--after everything--you…" she struggles with the words. Not finding the ones to express the feelings of fury and sadness. "God, Jess!"
He winces and places the picture on the bed. He walks near her, placing a hand on her bare shoulder; an awkward gesture. "Kate," he says gently.
She shrugs off his gesture and sits on the bed, slowly rocking back and forth. This time, he waits on the other side of the bed, for her to speak. There is no other option.
It doesn't take very long.
"How long?" she asks, not directly at him, but at the floor. She's stopped moving.
"What do you mean?" he replies. How long? How long had he been out of love with her? How long had it been since he had rediscovered the past? How long had it been since he know their relationship was doomed?
"How long… have you been… thinking about her?" she answers, carefully. She takes frequent breaths, finding it hard to breathe.
He freezes.
'Every fucking day,' his mind thinks.
It's only half true. And he can't say anything that isn't entirely true.
"I don't know how to answer that," he responds, voluntarily looking at her.
She turns to look at him, a question mark in every place of expression. He looks down again, at the floor… at the picture… at his hands. And then he is speaking… not even knowing what he is saying. Something else is speaking for him.
"She's been on my mind ever since I've moved here," he begins.
A stab.
"Before you knew me … every day."
Nothing.
"When I met you… every day."
A stab.
"When you moved in… occasionally."
A shiver.
"These past few weeks … nothing."
A healing.
"These past few days …"
Silence.
They sit, anticipating the crash that will take everything in its path.
"Every other moment," ends the confession.
He waits for her reaction. He waits for the fight to begin, the hurt tone, the angry eyes, the screaming… all of it. Instead, he received the unexpected.
She sat down next to him, making him nervous. From the corner of his eye, he watched as she stared down at the photo of him and Rory. He wonders if she'll tear the picture.
"You love her," she says quietly.
Her voice is so uneven. He can't tell whether or not it's a statement or a question.
He just stays still.
"Go," she tells him, looking down at the picture.
His head whips around to look at her, wondering if she means…
"Go find her. Do what you have to do," she tells him, reading his mind.
He looks at her, amazed, shocked, dazed. "Kate, what are you--"
"I'm doing what's right," cutting him off. "What's the point of yelling and asking 'Where did we go wrong?'" She smiles strangely. "What a rhetorical question."
A quiet laugh slips out of his mouth. Slowly, he's growing comfortable.
They look at each other, both waiting for the other to make some kind of move.
Her eye twinkles. But he doesn't see anything beyond that. He can't see the well of tears that's causing her eyes to gloss over. It takes everything in her to not let the tears tumble down.
"Kate, I'm so sorry," he whispers.
She nods, and gives him a reassuring smile. But she never says she forgives him.
"I guess I should… make arrangements and get ready…" he tells her, standing on his feet.
She nods and they smile softly at each other. He walks towards the door, but stops, and places one hand on the door frame. "How are you so calm about this?" he asks, without turning around.
She draws in her breath sharply, as she feels a sharp feeling rise in her throat. "Strong, I guess," she replies, in a joking tone.
He nods, with his back to her. 'Brick,' he thinks. He walks out of the room, not pressing for any more.
She loves/hates he doesn't.
She hates she doesn't.
The brick begins to cry.
A/N: In the very first version of the chapter, it was a bad breakup. Kate was angry, Jess was even more unbelievably OOC, and it was … bad. In the second version, which people actually read, Kate was less upset, and unbelievably understanding.
In this version, I tried to mix the two without going overboard on either side, so it's in the middle. Hopefully it turned out okay.
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