Title: The Empty Space
Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls, the characters, or the WB. And if I did would I be here writing fan fiction? ;)
Dedication: To the lovely reviewers at Stars-hollow.org who were so kind, helpful and sweet. Especially Lorena, Arianna, Jenz, Shannon, Kelly and stargazer. *hugs* I hope to see you around here for the revised version. :)
A/N: Thanks for reading! This is the revised version of a finished fic that is up at Stars-Hollow.org ~ Stephanie
Make my day: Please R&R. ;)
Chapter Eight: Seventeen
He could feel the anxious eyes watching his every move, waiting for him to speak, never missing a breath. He had always been a source of entertainment; unpredictable in so many ways. But from so much practice he shifted his eyes away from the audience and looked directly into the eyes of Lorelai Gilmore.
"Hey, Lorelai," he greeted, coolly. That was his role, Mr. Cool. When things were rough he wouldn't let it faze him. Suddenly his mother's words entered his mind. "Keep your head high, Jess. Don't let them get to you."
This scenario was very different.
"Taylor," he said with a mock salute. Taylor rolled his eyes in response.
She stood there, two feet away from him with her lips pressed tight into a thin line. Her eyes were cold towards him. "Jess," she said, trying to hide the hatred from her tone. She surveyed him a bit. "You look good," she adds politely. "Older."
Her smirked, "Same to you."
Luke watched the scene, praying to God, while rubbing his clammy hands nervously. "Lorelai, can I talk to you for a second?"
She nodded, turning away from Jess and out the door with Luke. This, left Taylor and Jess all alone. Taylor looked at him with a dirty glare, disgusted at him in all ways possible. That hadn't changed either.
"I'm not seventeen anymore, Taylor."
He was definitely bolder.
Taylor crossed his arms over his cardigan sweater. "So Luke reminds me," he says in a knowing tone.
"So stop with the dirty look already."
He sighed and pointed a finger at him, "You may be older, but don't think I don't see through you! Inside, you're still the same, disrupted mess that you were at seventeen!"
He fell silent, breaking his own rules. Taylor left moments later, complaining that he had no time for his silly games.
Seconds later, his attention turned to the voices of Luke and Lorelai. They were quiet sounds, through the glass, but loud enough to hear what was being said. "He isn't a teenager anymore, Lorelai!"
"Don't you defend him. How can you just let go of all the crap he put you through back then?" she retorted.
Luke said nothing for a few seconds, long enough for her to realize the truth.
"You've had contact with him over the years?" she asked angrily.
"Yes," he said with a sigh.
"Luke, I'm your girlfriend," she said with a throw of hands to her chest. "You can't keep these things from me…"
"Look, it's done. What do you want me to do?"
She swallowed, breathing hard. "Don't let him stay."
"I can't do that," he said gently.
"Why not?"
"If he wants to stay, he's going to stay. I can kick him out of the diner, but he's not going to go anywhere."
"You say that now," she said, annoyed.
"Look, this is something he has to do."
He has said too much.
A spark glittered in her eye, a curious, almost angry glitter. "What is he doing here?"
"I--"
"Don't say it, Luke. Please, don't say her name." She looks at him for some kind of answer, but when she receives a clumsy hand gesture, anger clouds around her.
She stormed into the diner. The door hit the wall numerous times; the bell rang loudly. "Stay away from her," she commanded with a warning tone.
With a glare that said everything, she walked off in a fit of rage. Hurricane Lorelai, that's what she was.
He stood still, not making a move. Gasps were heard from every direction in the diner. "Oh my," exclaimed Miss Patty.
The door closed with a quiet sound. He looked up, facing Luke. He stared at Jess with a familiar look. They both knew it.
Jess looked at him, as he moved his foot an inch, looking as if he were going to prove him right.
To everyone's surprise, he stayed put.
He was going to face this.
"I'm sorry."
Luke shook his head, disbelieving. "Did you have to do that?"
"I'm sorry," he repeated, louder this time.
"Yeah," he said, heading back to the counter. "It's just…" he gestured his hands, "look what you've done."
He nodded, cursing himself for his stupidity. He took a quick glance around the diner, meeting eyes with watchful expressions. He rolled his eyes. "I have to go clear my head for a bit. I'll be back to help out later," he said quickly.
He turned around and walked out the door, not looking back to get Luke's approval.
Did he even need one?
He really didn't know.
-
Luke stared at the door, watching his figure became smaller and smaller. And then, back at the crowd, their eyes never abandoning him. "The show's over. Now, eat."
Everyone sighed heavily and returned to their food, while gossiping in their so-called, low voices. Luke rolled his eyes and went back to work.
-
He turned around as he strolled across the town. It looked as if time had stood still in the perfect town. Stars Hollow looked exactly the same way since he had last scene it. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, and walked slowly towards the one place in the entire world, where he knew he wouldn't be disturbed.
He sat on the bridge, his legs dangling beneath the bridge. He sucked in the clean air, and admired the glistening water below him. He looked up and stared at the image in front of him. He lowered his eyes; the sun much too bright.
After a minute or two of taking in the familiar surroundings, he pulled out his wallet. It had become a habit these last few days.
Like all the other times, he unfolded the picture slowly, careful not to break the picture. He ran his finger slowly over the contours of her face.
God.
Unexpectedly, the silence that was once neighboring his location was broken by a memorable voice.
"You know, I actually liked you that day."
He turned around and stared at the calm face of Lorelai. "Lorelai," he breathed, trying to hide his shock.
She sat down beside him. He wonders if she will push him into the lake.
It's cathartic, I hear.
Geez.
"There was something different about you then." A strange smile played on her lips. "I started to trust you then." Her smile turned into a smirk. "That lasted about a week."
He nodded, not knowing what to say, thinking about what had just left her mouth. Again, he was reminded of his past actions and the horrible things he had done. He stared at the water for a moment, and then back at the picture he held in his hand. His eyes focused on himself, and a feeling of numbness shot throughout his body.
Do you regret it?
"I really screwed up, didn't I?" he said aloud, unintentionally.
But it was too late to take anything back now.
Lorelai looked at him, stunned at what she was hearing. Questions ran through her head, speeding across quickly. Could he really be-- …Had he changed?
Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind saying, "Maybe...you didn't know him at all." -Jeff Buckley