Disclaimer: I own nothing except Caine and his sister.

The Reason

Chapter 4



"Where have you been all these years, Squall?" Rinoa Heartilly asked the stoic young man from across the fire. Her fair, angelic features were illuminated in the soft glow. Squall almost growled an "It's Leon," like he would have with Yuffie, but swallowed that response.

"I left when the Heartless came. I deserted you. I failed," he deadpanned. His voice, if monotonous and unfeeling, was beautiful to Rinoa's ears. How she had missed him! She had believed him dead or taken by Ansem. Only a few had lived after the attack.

"But I'm okay, Squall, really," she replied, scooting towards him and tentatively putting a hand on his shoulder. He tensed underneath her touch and Rinoa immediately pulled away.

"Yes, but I couldn't protect you and all those helpless people. I let them die. Their deaths are my fault," he said, realization dawning on him. Not only had he killed Yuffie, but the people of Hollow Bastion had died because he could do nothing.

"Squall Leonhart, you listen to me! You've killed no one; everything is all right. It's not your fault!" Rinoa exclaimed, trying to reason with the prideful lion. She knew he could explode at her any moment, but she could deal with his temper. What she couldn't deal with was a man who thought he had caused the death of so many.

He remained quiet, letting the silence speak for itself. She didn't know that Yuffie had been slain by his hands with the Gunblade. But what she didn't know couldn't hurt her. Besides, Yuffie's face already haunted him.

"Who else survived with you? Where are they?" The curious woman inquired to change the subject.

"Aerith and Cid. We all lived in Traverse Town for a while until I departed for here," he told her, not mentioning Yuffie.

But Rinoa had to bring her up. "What about little Yuffie Kisaragi?" It had been Rinoa who, out of the goodness of her heart, had bestowed the last bit of her magic to cast Aero for the girl.

"She..." his voice choked up and he turned away, running a hand through his russet mane. "She's dead. But she did come to Traverse Town with us unharmed."

"What happened to her?" Rinoa asked sadly. She had always been fond of the girl when she was young.

"I... I killed her Rinoa." The woman gasped.

"How?"

"I got in an argument with another man over Yuffie. I was just looking out for her best interests. Unfortunately, she got in the way of my blow. She's dead," he said in an unfeeling monotone. For the first time, Rinoa caught a glimpse of the emptiness inside of the tumultuous young man.

She stood and walked over to the spot next to him, plopping down as close as she could and grabbing him in a hug. He did not pull away, but seemed to like the comfort that she had to offer. It had been so long since she had held him in her arms. Nine long years of wondering and dreaming and now she had finally found him again. The love she thought she had thrown away years ago surfaced as she wrapped her arms tighter around him.

"It's all right, Squall. She'd forgive you. I forgive you. It was a mistake, and you were doing it for her good," she whispered soothingly. He nodded and moved out of her arms. While he should have been thinking about Rinoa, all he could think of was how Yuffie's arms had felt so right around him. Rinoa just wasn't the same.

"Who survived with you?"

"Tifa Lockheart, Vincent Valentine, Zidane, you know, that monkey kid? And Quistis is still alive, but barely. She got ambushed by three defenders." Squall nodded gravely, glancing at the Gunblade. It was probably still stained with Yuffie's blood...

"I've become the healer in our little village..." Rinoa trailed on. Squall really wasn't listening, but was pretending to do so. His thoughts had returned to the vibrant girl Yuffie used to be, the beautiful woman she had so much potential to become. She had been an exceptional fighter, too. Even though he would have never uttered those words to her, he had shown it in his own way. Squall had pushed her harder.

"...And I really wish you'd come back to the village with me. Everyone would be so excited to see you – okay, maybe Vincent wouldn't show it, but he would be – especially Quistis. You understand, don't you?" Squall nodded because he had actually been listening to that. Maybe he would visit old friends, if only for a moment. He had to get his mind off Yuffie somehow.

Rinoa smiled smugly to herself. She had a plan that would restore the relationship between her and Squall to its former glory. It might ever be better...

She leaned against him and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"Squall! Squall, wake up!" Someone whispered urgently to him, shaking his shoulder. He groaned and flipped over so that Yuffie could no longer bother him. "Come on, Squall!"

He snapped back an, "It's Leon." Squall yawned and sat up, wondering what Yuffie was so insistent about. He opened his sapphire eyes and saw a young woman with black hair pulling on a jacket. The hair was just a bit too long, okay, probably two feet too long, and her style was different. This was not Yuffie.

"Well, Leon, you'd better be prepared to fight your way out of here. We've got Heartless swarming. I don't know why, but that doesn't matter." She looked at him, her eyes icy. She let out a bitter laugh and turned away. "And my name is Rinoa. You were having a dream about Yuffie, Squall."

He wanted to glare at her but found he could not. "I realized that a while ago, Rinoa." With that, he picked up the Gunblade and exited the cave. Rinoa grinned mischievously as she heard him crunch through the snow. Moments later, she heard a loud, "Gods DAMNIT!!" coming from the frustrated lion.

"Where the hell are those damn Heartless?" He growled at her when he came back in. She giggled and attempted to smooth over that sweet, innocent schoolgirl act.

"Oops. My bad; sorry Squall," she said with an impish grin plastered across her beatific features. Sighing, Squall shook his head and left the cave once more, sitting just outside. He was angry with her but did not wish to hurt her. She could be just as fragile as Yuffie turned out to be.

The look in Yuffie's eyes when he hit her was terrifying to Squall. It haunted his every waking moment. It haunted his dreams. Yuffie had let so many things show in her eyes that it made her seem smaller, more delicate. She had been in tremendous pain, that was obvious enough. There had also been an excess of fear, more than the lion could take. But among those colder, distant feelings was hidden a tender one. She had known, somehow that it was goodbye and she had shown her true feelings to Squall.

Yuffie had loved Squall.

He wasn't sure which kind of love it was. She had persisted in telling people that he was just like an annoying older brother to her, so maybe the love was only that of a sister. It could have quite possible been the love of a friend. But something in Squall hoped that it had been more. In that case, he had killed it off. He had killed her.

Squall was reminded once more of the pain in Yuffie's eyes.

I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through

I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

That's why I need you to hear...

"Hello? Squall?" Rinoa called to him, waving her hands in front of his face. He blinked and snapped his attention to the young woman who was standing not a foot away from him, her hands on her slim hips. Squall stood and the distance between them lessened considerably. Rinoa's breath came rapidly as she looked up into those familiar, beautiful blue eyes of his. Slowly, she moved closer, thinking he was going to kiss her.

It's been so long, Squall. So long since I last felt the warmth of your lips, your unforgettable taste. I can't believe I even survived without you, Rinoa thought as her heart raced and the inches became centimeters. I still love you, Squall. I love you so much! And I want you to prove that you love me too. I want you to prove that you don't have feelings for that Yuffie girl. For the gods' sakes, she's nine years younger than him! He can't... he can't be thinking of her. It's simply guilt that's making him dream of her...

Suddenly, Squall pulled back and brushed past her, into the cave. Her heart plunged to her feet and she felt an emptiness that almost made her want to throw up. He hadn't kissed her! It had almost seemed like he had felt revulsion towards her. She definitely wasn't sensing positive feelings coming from him. But she was determined to win him back, even if it killed her.

Squall quickly grabbed his pack from the cold, stone floor of the cave and departed from it, not caring if Rinoa was following. From her stories the night before, he had heard all he needed to hear on the location of the camp. He just couldn't stand to be around her anymore.

What the hell was that, Leonhart? You. Are. Not. In. Love. With. Her. Anymore. Get a hold of yourself! He thought, wanting to kick himself but wondering how weird that would look in front of his current company. But she's so comforting. I need comfort. And our history-

That's in the past! You love Yuffie!

I know that! But do you think I want to be tormented by memories of her death for the rest of my life? Do you think she'd want me to dwell on her forever? She'd want me to move on, and that's exactly what I was going to do!

You're still overcome by grief. Give it some time. You'll see the logic of my point. Rinoa is not the one you will end up with in the end.

But Yuffie is dead. I killed her. She wasn't breathing when I left her.

You think that. But did you check?

Squall suddenly remembered something. Something important. It had involved that night, fighting Caine, hitting Yuffie...

He bent down to check for a pulse, but Caine quickly pulled her away. He was never able to get the pulse. He couldn't tell if she was breathing or not, but it had seemed like she was. And Caine obviously thought that he could do something...

"I am so stupid!!!" Squall shouted into the mountains. Rinoa came running up behind him, a puzzled look on her face, but he was deep in thought. He had never gotten a pulse, so he couldn't tell if she was still alive after he hit her or not. There had been a lot of blood, but with a healer like Aerith... And that Caine had seemed pretty well off in the area of magic also. How much could her condition have improved if she had been pumped with healing magic?

Was Yuffie still alive?

Yuffie yawned contentedly into the soft, fluffy feather pillow underneath her head. Her shoulder still had a ways to heal completely, but she could move around. The pain was also much more bearable, and Aerith had supplied her with plenty of Potions. Caine had also gotten his sister, Cassandra, to look after the shop while he helped Yuffie around the town. She was glad for the assistance of a friend.

Shakily, she stood and walked slowly over to the dresser, where her clothes were. She had been moved back to the Green Room as soon as she was feeling better. The room was just so much better of an atmosphere, especially since almost all of Squall's old things remained in the drawers. Yuffie found comfort in his scent, his Griever necklace, a few of his white t-shirts, and three extra belts. Yuffie had immediately altered her own look by applying all of his belts. She liked the effect.

Yuffie pulled out her customary pair of short khaki shorts. Instead of her green halter-top, though, she wore a green short-sleeved shirt because her shoulder was absolutely hideous to look at. Aerith insisted that it would become a pretty silver scar in the end, but Yuffie still hated it. She wanted quick results, not the slow process of healing.

The young woman slipped on her shoes and ran out of the door. Her trusty legs were strong; it was only her right arm that was misbehaving. Caine waited by the front desk and held out an arm for her. She gladly took it and he murmured his healing words – the first out of five healing times during the day – before leading her out the door.

Caine was a very good friend to her. Yuffie had to just get past the fact that he always seemed to be flirting with her. But it was all good- natured flirting and she didn't really mind all that much. It wasn't like she had ever had anyone flirt with her before.

She was reminded of Squall. He hadn't dared to be pleasant with her. Yuffie wondered why, and then remembered how horrible she always was to him. Despite the fact that he was also mean and cold and, in general, a slave driver, she had deflected all that. Now she wasn't so sure that he had managed to ignore her taunts and other things. Yuffie certainly hoped he hadn't.

Caine noticed her preoccupation and they sat down on the bench right outside the Hotel. She chewed her bottom lip, a sure sign that she was thinking hard, and idly tapped the heel of her left shoe on the ground. Caine flipped a stray lock of hair out of her pretty face and smiled as the lamplight hit it in just such a fashion. When illuminated like that, she looked just like an angel.

"Is there anything wrong, Yuffie?" He asked sweetly, spreading on the charm as he slipped his arm around her waist. She ignored his arm and shook her head, her eyes cast up to the starry night sky.

"Only thinking about Squall. I wonder what it felt like to die like that? Without anybody around to comfort him? It must have been terrible. I feel so bad," she said, tears coming to her eyes and sobs choking out her voice. Caine scowled but patted her on the head and let her lean against his shoulder. Sobs racked her lithe frame for quite a while until she calmed down. Trying desperately to be happy again, she smiled at him and leaped up onto her feet.

Caine grinned back and took her hand. Together, they walked towards the Café, where Aerith would meet them in ten minutes. But it was better to be early than late when you were around Aerith. You never knew when she would blow up about something lately. It seemed as if Squall's death had caused her sweetness to dissipate just slightly. Yuffie missed the old Aerith.

A few Heartless popped up in front of them, but they were easily dispersed, as Caine was very handy with his sword. Yuffie found that she missed the comforting weight of her shuriken pouch around her waist and frequently found herself reaching for them. Her hand always hit one of Squall's belts and she remembered the she was right-handed and her right shoulder was busted. Right.

Aerith was sitting at the table, waiting for the two of them. She smiled sweetly at them and Yuffie wondered if she would have one of her "moments" soon. Hopefully not. Hopefully, Aerith would just be the nice, holy woman she had always been and ignore the fact that Caine was being entirely inappropriate at the table.

But she couldn't. "Caine! Get your hands away from Yuffie! She's injured, and besides, she's only 17!" Of course, this was a different opinion than Aerith had had on Yuffie's 17th birthday, but Yuffie didn't comment on that. It would only make Aerith angry.

Sheepishly, Caine scooted away from Yuffie and buried his face in the menu. Yuffie scowled over at Aerith and the woman just shrugged her shoulders. This was her sign for "he had it coming to him." Yuffie sighed and shook her head, sipping on a cup of green tea Aerith had shoved in her direction.

This was going to be a long day. Yuffie could feel it. Without Squall, it was always boring. Despite the fact that she had trained day-in and day-out, there had still been fun times. Particularly when Squall and Aerith were both in good moods, and Yuffie wasn't being too pesky. Then they'd really have fun. Okay, so Squall would just kind of stand back in the corner while Aerith and Yuffie would laugh and carry on, but he'd occasionally have a smile on his face. And one smile was enough to make Yuffie's day.

Yuffie couldn't forget how those lips, the same ones that had formed the tiny smiles, had pressed to hers. She couldn't forget his overwhelming presence, those piercing sapphire eyes, and his taste. No, Squall would never be forgotten. Not as long as Yuffie still drew breath.

Because she loved him.

Thanks to my reviewers! I feel so loved


I'd also like to direct everyone's attention to this site: www.derelicte.com . It has information on KH2 and plenty of cool video clips and music videos. I suggest the two Linkin Park music videos (they have scenes from KH in them, really cool).


Oh, and I believe I have finally gotten why so many people adore Riku. I now adore Riku. 'Tis simple my friends. He's got the voice of David Gallagher and you just have to love him. Too bad KH2 isn't coming out till 2005. But I did hear that December 30th was picked out, so that could mean December 30th 2004... in that case, I'm reserving a copy early! Ciao!