Summary: Rewrite of The Wish (btvs s3) canon up until the fight in the
factory. Written for dawnm for the Back to High School Ficathon.
Requirements at the end.
Feedback: I'd love some
. Disclaimer: Not mine, never mine pout The scene in italics is from Amends (btvs s3)
Chapter Five
-Angel-
The rain pattering against the windows wakes me up. I know it's still mid afternoon just by feel. It's a survival instinct you develop over the years. I slip out of bed and scrub my hands over my face and hair. I shower, get dressed and drink a mug of blood. I throw on a black leather duster and duck outside. The rain pours down, soaking me in seconds. Even the heavens are crying on her last day.
The rain is so heavy that only the barest hint of light filters through the clouds. I stand outside Giles' apartment, looking up at the window I know is hers. It's open and I wonder if she's asleep. It doesn't matter. I'm not here to socialize. I'm here to help Giles' find a way to stop this. I knock on the door and I'm not surprised when Oz answers it. He nods in his typical, quiet way. He seems more morose today maybe it's the weather, maybe it's what we all know is going to happen in a few hours. I don't know. I don't know Oz well enough to know how he feels about Buffy.
Giles is bent over a table strewn with books and documents. His glasses are pushed up on his forehead. He's wearing the same rumpled clothes he was wearing the night before. He barely looks up when I walk in the room.
"Have you found anything new?" I ask.
Giles shakes his head and sighs heavily. It's his only answer. I sit down and grab a book. If I could talk my way out of this I'd say more but I can't. Talking won't help Buffy. Reading might.
"How is she?" I ask.
"Upstairs," Oz answers.
I glance up the stairs and squint as if I could see through the walls, gauge how she's doing, how she's feeling. I scent the air. She's not in the room to see me. She won't know that I've been using smell to gauge her feelings. I pinch the bridge of my nose. She's been crying. The smell of salt permeates the air. Pain, disappointment and fear also have a smell and it reeks. It hangs heavy in the air just under the smell of her tears.
I can't not go to her. It's like asking a human not to breathe. I'm up the stairs and standing before her closed door before I even realize it. I raise my hand to knock on the door and she opens it. She looks up at me and what I see in her eyes will haunt me forever. The pain is unfathomable but I understand that. It's the acceptance that chills me to the point. She's hurting, she's scared but she knows this is the only way.
"I felt you" she says before I ask the question.
I nod because it makes perfect sense to me. I feel her too, inside and it has nothing to do with her being a slayer. She steps away from the door and walks over to the small desk in the room. I walk in, shutting the door behind me. She's writes something on some stationary and then flips the paper over.
I sit down on the bed, the only other place in the room to sit.
"Aren't you supposed to be sleeping?" She asks.
"It's cloudy enough with the rain that I can move around outside in the daylight. Naturally I'm very lethargic but the older I get the better it gets and if I want to move around bad enough, I can," I say.
She nods and sits down on the bed a very measured space away from me.
"So what are you doing here?" She asks.
"I didn't want you to be alone," I say.
"On my last day, "she voices my unfinished thought.
"Buffy, I've been thinking about this. I'm going with you. I won't let you fight the Master alone," I say.
"In the end, I'm always alone, Angel. That's the way it's supposed to be. One girl in all the world. She alone has the power to fight the vampires. That's how it works. Maybe that's why it works. If I'm not alone I don't have any power," Buffy says.
I shake my head. "No," I say.
She sighs and pushes my shoulder hard enough to topple me back on the bed. She curls up next to me and wraps my arms around her. Her head rests on my shoulder and she closes her eyes. I know by her heart rate and breathing that she's not sleeping. She's probably avoiding talking about this. I bow my head and nestle my nose in the crown of her hair.
"What were you working on?" I ask after a few moments of silence.
"Letters to my Mom and Dad," she says.
I bite my tongue and force back the tears that find their way to my eyes. She's really doing this. She's saying goodbye. I clench my jaw. I'm not saying goodbye to her. We're going to do this together. The prophecy says the slayer will die. The prophecy doesn't account for a slayer and a vampire working together. Simply by working together we change the prophecy.
"Close your eyes," she says.
I swallow hard and the dream I had rushes to mind. I shut my eyes just as trustingly as I did in my dream. She turns in my arms and lays her body along the length of mine. I feel her breath against my skin. Her lips brush mine and electric current races through my body. She rests her forehead against mine. I can feel her breath washing over me as she breaths in and out. Her tears drip onto my cheeks and I start to open my eyes to look at her.
"No, keep them closed. If you look at me I can't cry and I've been holding it in so long it hurt,s" she says.
So I keep my eyes closed and hold her as she cries.
It's almost dawn. I can smell it long before it ever comes. Lights are beginning to come on in the houses all over town. Little kids who can't wait one more moment to see what Santa brought them. Very vaguely in the back of my mind I remember that. I remember shaking Kathy awake and sneaking into the parlor, hands linked. I was old enough to know there was no such person as Santa Claus, but Kathy wasn't. She was so excited.
Buffy's voice jerks me out of the past. I shake my head and focus o n what she's saying. She's almost in tears and I know why. I understand, but she doesn't.
"It told me to kill you. You were in the dream. You know. It told me to lose my soul in you and become a monster again" I say.
"I know what it told you. What does it matter?" She asks bewildered and desperate. "Because I wanted to! Because I want you so badly! I want to take comfort in you, and I know it will cost me my soul and part of me doesn't care!" I am yelling at her by now.
I bite off a sob and Buffy looks at me in stunned silence.
"Look, I'm weak. I've never been anything else. It's not the demon in me that needs killing, Buffy. It's the man" I say.
"You're weak. Everybody is. Everybody fails. Maybe this evil did bring you back, but if it did it's because it needs you. And that means you can hurt it" she says.
I shake my head and look out into the city again. I want so badly to believe her but I can't. She's only read about the things I've done. She thinks it's romantic that I want to lose my soul in her. There'll be nothing romantic about it when I'm ripping out the throats of her friends.
"Angel, you have the power to do real good, to make amends. But if you die now, then all you ever were was a monster" Buffy says. Her voice has taken on that pleading quality. She's beginning to really desperate.
She glances at the lightening sky. I don't have to wait much longer. The pain will be excruciating but it won't last long.
"Angel, please the sun is coming up" she pleads.
"Just go" I say.
"I won't" she protests.
"What? Do you think this is simple? You think there's an easy answer? You can never understand what I've done! Now go!" I yell at her.
"You are not staying here. I won't let you." She grabs my arm.
"I said LEAVE" I shout and jerk my arm away from her. She punches me and God help me but I shove her back. She falls face forward to the ground, hard.
"Oh my God..." I whisper. My sins against Buffy just keep piling up. I go to her and crouch down beside her. I grab her by the shoulders and turn her to face me.
I grab her roughly by the arms. "Am I a thing worth saving, huh? Am I a righteous man? The world wants me gone!" I shake her to punctuate my words. She's sobbing by now.
"And what about me? I love you so much...and I tried to make you go away...I killed you and it didn't help" she sobs. She shoves me off of her and gets up.
"And I hate it! I hate that it's so hard...and that you can hurt me so much. I know everything you did, because you did it to me. Oh God! I wish that I wished you dead. I don't...I can't" she says, the last words just a whisper.
I get to my feet and look at her, pleading with my eyes, with my voice.
"Buffy, please. Just this once...let me be strong" I say.
"Strong is fighting! It's hard and it's painful and it's every day. It's what we have to do! And we can do it together!" she says.
I swallow hard. She's right. I know she's right but I don't know if I have the strength. I don't know if there's enough strength in the whole world for me to keep fighting this, to keep fighting her and what I feel and what I want.
"But if you're too much of a coward for that, then burn. If I can't convince you that you belong in this world, then I don't know what can. But do not expect me to watch and do not expect me to mourn for you, because..." she stops.
It takes me a moment to realize why she's stopped. I look up at the sky. The cold flakes hit my face, lightly at first and then heavier. It's snowing. It's snowing in Southern California and it's completely blocked out the rising sun.
I wake up with a gasp, my hand on my heart. I touch my fingers to my face almost expecting to feel snow flakes there. Instead I feel the wetness of tears shed during my sleep. I sit up and go to the window. It's just dark and the rain is still a light drizzle. I scrub my hands over my face, thoughts picking over my dream.
It's one of those dreams, a dream that is so vivid if I didn't know better I would swear it had happened. I don't understand all of it. I don't understand the parts about my soul or why I wanted to face the rising sun. How could anything be wrong if Buffy loves me? I don't understand why it snowed. I wouldn't guarantee it because I haven't exactly followed the weather for the last 243 years, but I'd almost bet that it has never snowed in Southern California, certainly not enough to drift and block out the sun like it did in my dream. Crazy some of the things that come out in your dreams I guess.
I walk into the hallway and it takes me a moment to realize that feeling of being alive is absent. I furrow my brow and walk down the stairs. Giles is at the table nursing a scotch and holding an icepack to his jaw.
"Giles, what happened?" I ask
"She hit me" he says.
"What?" I stare at him. I feel like I've walked into the middle of a play and I don't know my lines.
"Buffy hit me. She knocked me out. She's gone" he says.
No, no, no. God, no. I swallow hard and pull a sword from the wall. I twist it, let the light glint off of it. Giles keeps his weapons sharp.
"I'm going after her. I could use your help" I say.
Giles shakes his head. "Don't you see, man. There's nothing we can do! It's in the Codex. Even Buffy realizes this is it! I've looked for two days. There is no way around this" he says.
I shake my head. "I don't accept that. The prophecy is about the slayer fighting the Master, if you and I help her that changes the prophecy!" I shout.
Giles looks at me in disbelief. The scotch clears from his mind and gapes at me. "You love her" he states.
I look away. I shouldn't. I know I shouldn't. I don't deserve her. I'm not worthy, if I live a thousand years and save the world a thousand times, I will never be worthy of her.
"I'm not going to sit here and do nothing while she dies. If you're coming, we go now" I say
Giles hesitates a moment longer and then snatches up a bag full of weapons from the hall closet.
-Buffy-
I feel bad for punching Giles but he was going to wake up Angel. I couldn't take Angel with me. I'm going to die. I know that and I'm okay with it. I'm not leaping for joy. I mean there were things I wanted to do before I die. Silly things like go to Europe, fall in love, have a dog, spend an entire summer at the beach. But really, I'm okay with the dying. What I'm not okay with is Angel being here with me. Once I die, they'll take him back and put him in that cage. I won't do that to him. I won't let him do that to himself.
The entrance to the catacombs is absurdly easy to find. Earthquakes or maybe just neglect have revealed the secret door. It's leaning off one hinge crazily to the side. It squeals as I open it. Damn, I was really hoping for a sneak attack. It kind of would have increased my chances for taking the Master with me if he didn't know I was coming already. But then he probably reads the Codex. I bet he knows the outcome of this battle too, must make it easier for him.
I walk silently through maybe four hundred yards of catacombs before I ever see any sentries. There are two in a tunnel entrance, vampires. They appear bored, as if they don't expect any trouble. Most people don't really think you'll come to a battle you can't win. I'm a Slayer my job is to come to battles I can't win.
I slip two stakes out of my waistband and slip up behind the sentries. I shove stakes in both their hearts before they have a chance to make a sound. Their dust settles around me as I creep through the entrance. I glance up and down the tunnel. It's clear. I choose the right hand side and come to another intersection. I peek around the corner and Bingo, two more guards right in front of another tunnel entrance. Candlelight from the room beyond makes the entrance glow. I step back into my own tunnel and press my back flat against the wall.
"Fuck" I curse under my breath. I've got a crossbow but there's no way to dust them without the Master knowing they've been dusted. I shrug. There's a point where he's going to find out I'm here anyway.
I check the pockets of my cargo pants. They're stocked with stakes and holy water. I take the crossbow off my back and load it with fresh bolt. I slip a few more bolts into the strap on my left wrist. I close my eyes and pray to the Slayer God that I get to go to Slayer Heaven and then step out silently, simultaneously I let loose the first bolt. It flies straight and true, slicing into the heart of guard 1. He dusts without a whimper but it gets guard 2's attention. He rushes toward me and I have just enough time to drop and roll, dodging the sword he pulls from a sheath on his waist. Vamps with weapons, isn't this fun?
There's about an inch of stagnant water on the concrete floor of the tunnel, an inch of water I just rolled in. And here I was thinking I'd die all pretty, maybe in one of those flowing white dresses the damsels in movies always die in. The crossbow slips out of my wet hand and I fumble for it. The vamp catches me off guard, kicking me in the ribs hard enough to knock the wind out of me. I close my eyes and fight against the urge to simply give up. I mean if this is it, what's the reason to keep fighting. The image of Angel's permanently scarred chest flashes before my eyes and I kick up, splashing dirty water on the vampire's legs.
I drive my fist into the vamp's gut and he bends at the waist. I slam an elbow into his temple and he staggers but his hand snakes out and wraps around my wrist. He twists my arm painfully and I bite my lip to keep from crying out. My back is facing him. I stomp on his foot as hard as I can. That causes him to loosen his hold just enough for me to wrench my wrist out of his grasp. I punch him hard in the face and he falls back slumped against the wall. I shove a stake through his heart.
I take a deep breath and roll my shoulder. My left arm feels like it's been put on one of those torture racks and stretched. I'm pretty sure some of the muscles are torn. It hangs pretty much uselessly at my side. That's okay I only need one arm to stake a vampire. I roll the shoulder experimentally again and wince. I grab the cross bow from the water and stalk through the candlelit entrance.
Its way creepy in here. It's a natural cavern with the stag things hanging down and pointing up. I can never remember their names. Pieces of the sunken church stick up at odd angles and then disappear back into the rock. There are pools of water scattered over the large cave. I turn in a circle, looking for any sign of the Master or any vamp. There are a hundred places he could hide here, in alcoves and shadows. The candles melt onto the rock. Their flames cast flickering light over the ceiling, the walls and the floors.
I catch a flash of movement to left and I turn quickly, wrenching my shoulder again. I hiss with the pain and then catch my breath. There's a vampire sitting on a rock. She's dressed in a blood red velvet gown and I mean gown in the ball gown sense. Her hair is black and it's all coiffed and pulled up around her face. She's a vampire but she's beautiful.
"And you meet my paramour, Elizabeth" a voice echoes through the cavern and I know it's his. I whirl looking for the source.
Turning my back on a vampire is a mistake I haven't made in years. Elizabeth moves fast considering she's wearing about fifty yards of velvet and a corset. She hits me in the mouth with enough force to toss me across the cavern. My head smacks the wall I'm thrown against and pretty stars dance all around. The world tilts and I force back nausea. I shove myself up to my feet just in time to dodge a left hook. I catch her hand and twist. She grabs me with her other arm and folds me into her.
"Uh uh, Elizabeth, you know the rules. The prophecy says I kill her" the voice says and I catch a glimpse of the Master as he slips from one hiding place into another.
"I just want a taste. I won't take it all" Elizabeth pouts.
I struggle in her hold. She's got me tight and breathing is going to become an issue if she tightens the hold any more.
"Alright, but just a taste" the Master says. He peeks from his hiding spot to watch.
I close my eyes, feeling and smelling Elizabeth's cool breath on my skin. She smells like wet earth and old blood. I wonder why Angel doesn't reek like this. I bow my head in defeat and resist the urge to smile as I feel her paper dry skin brush against my lips. I bite down on her hand as hard as I can. I taste blood and I keep biting. Elizabeth is shrieking at the top of her lungs. She finally relinquishes her hold on me and shoves me away, ripping her hand out of my mouth. I spit out blood and other things I don't want to contemplate. She backs away from me screaming like a banshee and waving her bloody hand in the air. I slip a stake from my pocket and throw it with enough force to drive it straight through her heart.
"Looks like you're going to have to do the job yourself. Girlfriend couldn't get done" I taunt. Impending death makes you brave or really, really stupid. Take your pick.
He's faster then any vampire I've ever faced. He's behind me and I never even saw him leave his hiding spot. He's just there, no real movement involved.
"I always planned on doing the job myself. After all, it is prophesied" he says. He glides a finger over my face and I try to walk away, I try to run, I try to scream. I can't do any of it. The only response I have is a single tear. It's the only movement my body can make.
"You're prettier then the last slayer I killed" he says.
I swallow hard, welcoming the death he's going to give me. At least it will be over. I'll be finished. He wraps his hand around my throat delicately, like a lover and lowers his mouth to my neck. The pain isn't as bad as I thought it would be. I mean it's just this prick and then nothing, complete blackness.
-Angel-
I go through the entrance to the catacombs first. Giles is right behind me. I've got a broadsword and he's got enough weapons for a small armory. We're probably almost 400 yards into the catacombs when nausea overwhelms me. I lean against the wall of the tunnel, gasping. If Buffy makes me feel alive, then the only way to explain this feeling is dead. That scares me more then I know how to express.
"Angel?" Giles asks and lays a hand on my shoulder.
I shake my head and take harsh breaths. Cold sweat drips from my forehead. I push myself off the wall of the tunnel and swipe the back of my hand across my forehead.
"We've got to hurry. Something has happened" I gasp and stumble down the tunnel, so much for vampire stealth and grace. I erupt into the main cavern and I don't see her at first when I do I feel like my lungs have been ripped out of my chest. She's lying face down in a pool of water. I pull her out and cradle her against my chest. I know before I put my fingers to the pulse in her neck that she doesn't have one. I look up at Giles crouched beside me.
"She's dead." I know it's my voice. I feel my throat and mouth forming the words but it sounds foreign.
Giles shakes his head. "No, there are things, an ambulance-"
"They'd never get down here in time" I say finally accepting what Buffy accepted the first time she heard it.
"CPR, she drowned, we can try CPR" Giles says. He grabs her body from my embrace and lays her on the ground.
I don't point out the bite on her neck or that she could be drained of blood, her body just happened to fall into the pool. I'm hoping against hope that he's right.
"You'll have to do it. I have no breath" I say.
In that moment I have never felt so helpless in my entire existence. I watch and Giles bends over Buffy's body and performs CPR, helpless to assist him in anyway. I swallow hard and catch sight of the cross around her neck, my cross. No, not helpless. There is one thing I can do. I can pray.
I snatch the cross from around her neck and fold my hand around the cross. My skin starts to sizzle and smoke the moment the cross touches my hand. It makes a nice accompaniment to the prayer I whisper over and over.
It seems like forever but her eyes go wide and she coughs, water comes pouring out of her lungs. I drop the cross and gather her to my chest. I struggle out of my duster and wrap her in it.
"Let's get her back to my apartment and get her warm" Giles says.
I nod and stand up with her in my arms. She shivers, her skin breaking out in goose flesh. I place a kiss on her forehead.
"Shhh, don't worry we're going to make it alright" I whisper. I don't know how but she's alive. I can make anything right as long as she's alive.
Feedback: I'd love some
. Disclaimer: Not mine, never mine pout The scene in italics is from Amends (btvs s3)
Chapter Five
-Angel-
The rain pattering against the windows wakes me up. I know it's still mid afternoon just by feel. It's a survival instinct you develop over the years. I slip out of bed and scrub my hands over my face and hair. I shower, get dressed and drink a mug of blood. I throw on a black leather duster and duck outside. The rain pours down, soaking me in seconds. Even the heavens are crying on her last day.
The rain is so heavy that only the barest hint of light filters through the clouds. I stand outside Giles' apartment, looking up at the window I know is hers. It's open and I wonder if she's asleep. It doesn't matter. I'm not here to socialize. I'm here to help Giles' find a way to stop this. I knock on the door and I'm not surprised when Oz answers it. He nods in his typical, quiet way. He seems more morose today maybe it's the weather, maybe it's what we all know is going to happen in a few hours. I don't know. I don't know Oz well enough to know how he feels about Buffy.
Giles is bent over a table strewn with books and documents. His glasses are pushed up on his forehead. He's wearing the same rumpled clothes he was wearing the night before. He barely looks up when I walk in the room.
"Have you found anything new?" I ask.
Giles shakes his head and sighs heavily. It's his only answer. I sit down and grab a book. If I could talk my way out of this I'd say more but I can't. Talking won't help Buffy. Reading might.
"How is she?" I ask.
"Upstairs," Oz answers.
I glance up the stairs and squint as if I could see through the walls, gauge how she's doing, how she's feeling. I scent the air. She's not in the room to see me. She won't know that I've been using smell to gauge her feelings. I pinch the bridge of my nose. She's been crying. The smell of salt permeates the air. Pain, disappointment and fear also have a smell and it reeks. It hangs heavy in the air just under the smell of her tears.
I can't not go to her. It's like asking a human not to breathe. I'm up the stairs and standing before her closed door before I even realize it. I raise my hand to knock on the door and she opens it. She looks up at me and what I see in her eyes will haunt me forever. The pain is unfathomable but I understand that. It's the acceptance that chills me to the point. She's hurting, she's scared but she knows this is the only way.
"I felt you" she says before I ask the question.
I nod because it makes perfect sense to me. I feel her too, inside and it has nothing to do with her being a slayer. She steps away from the door and walks over to the small desk in the room. I walk in, shutting the door behind me. She's writes something on some stationary and then flips the paper over.
I sit down on the bed, the only other place in the room to sit.
"Aren't you supposed to be sleeping?" She asks.
"It's cloudy enough with the rain that I can move around outside in the daylight. Naturally I'm very lethargic but the older I get the better it gets and if I want to move around bad enough, I can," I say.
She nods and sits down on the bed a very measured space away from me.
"So what are you doing here?" She asks.
"I didn't want you to be alone," I say.
"On my last day, "she voices my unfinished thought.
"Buffy, I've been thinking about this. I'm going with you. I won't let you fight the Master alone," I say.
"In the end, I'm always alone, Angel. That's the way it's supposed to be. One girl in all the world. She alone has the power to fight the vampires. That's how it works. Maybe that's why it works. If I'm not alone I don't have any power," Buffy says.
I shake my head. "No," I say.
She sighs and pushes my shoulder hard enough to topple me back on the bed. She curls up next to me and wraps my arms around her. Her head rests on my shoulder and she closes her eyes. I know by her heart rate and breathing that she's not sleeping. She's probably avoiding talking about this. I bow my head and nestle my nose in the crown of her hair.
"What were you working on?" I ask after a few moments of silence.
"Letters to my Mom and Dad," she says.
I bite my tongue and force back the tears that find their way to my eyes. She's really doing this. She's saying goodbye. I clench my jaw. I'm not saying goodbye to her. We're going to do this together. The prophecy says the slayer will die. The prophecy doesn't account for a slayer and a vampire working together. Simply by working together we change the prophecy.
"Close your eyes," she says.
I swallow hard and the dream I had rushes to mind. I shut my eyes just as trustingly as I did in my dream. She turns in my arms and lays her body along the length of mine. I feel her breath against my skin. Her lips brush mine and electric current races through my body. She rests her forehead against mine. I can feel her breath washing over me as she breaths in and out. Her tears drip onto my cheeks and I start to open my eyes to look at her.
"No, keep them closed. If you look at me I can't cry and I've been holding it in so long it hurt,s" she says.
So I keep my eyes closed and hold her as she cries.
It's almost dawn. I can smell it long before it ever comes. Lights are beginning to come on in the houses all over town. Little kids who can't wait one more moment to see what Santa brought them. Very vaguely in the back of my mind I remember that. I remember shaking Kathy awake and sneaking into the parlor, hands linked. I was old enough to know there was no such person as Santa Claus, but Kathy wasn't. She was so excited.
Buffy's voice jerks me out of the past. I shake my head and focus o n what she's saying. She's almost in tears and I know why. I understand, but she doesn't.
"It told me to kill you. You were in the dream. You know. It told me to lose my soul in you and become a monster again" I say.
"I know what it told you. What does it matter?" She asks bewildered and desperate. "Because I wanted to! Because I want you so badly! I want to take comfort in you, and I know it will cost me my soul and part of me doesn't care!" I am yelling at her by now.
I bite off a sob and Buffy looks at me in stunned silence.
"Look, I'm weak. I've never been anything else. It's not the demon in me that needs killing, Buffy. It's the man" I say.
"You're weak. Everybody is. Everybody fails. Maybe this evil did bring you back, but if it did it's because it needs you. And that means you can hurt it" she says.
I shake my head and look out into the city again. I want so badly to believe her but I can't. She's only read about the things I've done. She thinks it's romantic that I want to lose my soul in her. There'll be nothing romantic about it when I'm ripping out the throats of her friends.
"Angel, you have the power to do real good, to make amends. But if you die now, then all you ever were was a monster" Buffy says. Her voice has taken on that pleading quality. She's beginning to really desperate.
She glances at the lightening sky. I don't have to wait much longer. The pain will be excruciating but it won't last long.
"Angel, please the sun is coming up" she pleads.
"Just go" I say.
"I won't" she protests.
"What? Do you think this is simple? You think there's an easy answer? You can never understand what I've done! Now go!" I yell at her.
"You are not staying here. I won't let you." She grabs my arm.
"I said LEAVE" I shout and jerk my arm away from her. She punches me and God help me but I shove her back. She falls face forward to the ground, hard.
"Oh my God..." I whisper. My sins against Buffy just keep piling up. I go to her and crouch down beside her. I grab her by the shoulders and turn her to face me.
I grab her roughly by the arms. "Am I a thing worth saving, huh? Am I a righteous man? The world wants me gone!" I shake her to punctuate my words. She's sobbing by now.
"And what about me? I love you so much...and I tried to make you go away...I killed you and it didn't help" she sobs. She shoves me off of her and gets up.
"And I hate it! I hate that it's so hard...and that you can hurt me so much. I know everything you did, because you did it to me. Oh God! I wish that I wished you dead. I don't...I can't" she says, the last words just a whisper.
I get to my feet and look at her, pleading with my eyes, with my voice.
"Buffy, please. Just this once...let me be strong" I say.
"Strong is fighting! It's hard and it's painful and it's every day. It's what we have to do! And we can do it together!" she says.
I swallow hard. She's right. I know she's right but I don't know if I have the strength. I don't know if there's enough strength in the whole world for me to keep fighting this, to keep fighting her and what I feel and what I want.
"But if you're too much of a coward for that, then burn. If I can't convince you that you belong in this world, then I don't know what can. But do not expect me to watch and do not expect me to mourn for you, because..." she stops.
It takes me a moment to realize why she's stopped. I look up at the sky. The cold flakes hit my face, lightly at first and then heavier. It's snowing. It's snowing in Southern California and it's completely blocked out the rising sun.
I wake up with a gasp, my hand on my heart. I touch my fingers to my face almost expecting to feel snow flakes there. Instead I feel the wetness of tears shed during my sleep. I sit up and go to the window. It's just dark and the rain is still a light drizzle. I scrub my hands over my face, thoughts picking over my dream.
It's one of those dreams, a dream that is so vivid if I didn't know better I would swear it had happened. I don't understand all of it. I don't understand the parts about my soul or why I wanted to face the rising sun. How could anything be wrong if Buffy loves me? I don't understand why it snowed. I wouldn't guarantee it because I haven't exactly followed the weather for the last 243 years, but I'd almost bet that it has never snowed in Southern California, certainly not enough to drift and block out the sun like it did in my dream. Crazy some of the things that come out in your dreams I guess.
I walk into the hallway and it takes me a moment to realize that feeling of being alive is absent. I furrow my brow and walk down the stairs. Giles is at the table nursing a scotch and holding an icepack to his jaw.
"Giles, what happened?" I ask
"She hit me" he says.
"What?" I stare at him. I feel like I've walked into the middle of a play and I don't know my lines.
"Buffy hit me. She knocked me out. She's gone" he says.
No, no, no. God, no. I swallow hard and pull a sword from the wall. I twist it, let the light glint off of it. Giles keeps his weapons sharp.
"I'm going after her. I could use your help" I say.
Giles shakes his head. "Don't you see, man. There's nothing we can do! It's in the Codex. Even Buffy realizes this is it! I've looked for two days. There is no way around this" he says.
I shake my head. "I don't accept that. The prophecy is about the slayer fighting the Master, if you and I help her that changes the prophecy!" I shout.
Giles looks at me in disbelief. The scotch clears from his mind and gapes at me. "You love her" he states.
I look away. I shouldn't. I know I shouldn't. I don't deserve her. I'm not worthy, if I live a thousand years and save the world a thousand times, I will never be worthy of her.
"I'm not going to sit here and do nothing while she dies. If you're coming, we go now" I say
Giles hesitates a moment longer and then snatches up a bag full of weapons from the hall closet.
-Buffy-
I feel bad for punching Giles but he was going to wake up Angel. I couldn't take Angel with me. I'm going to die. I know that and I'm okay with it. I'm not leaping for joy. I mean there were things I wanted to do before I die. Silly things like go to Europe, fall in love, have a dog, spend an entire summer at the beach. But really, I'm okay with the dying. What I'm not okay with is Angel being here with me. Once I die, they'll take him back and put him in that cage. I won't do that to him. I won't let him do that to himself.
The entrance to the catacombs is absurdly easy to find. Earthquakes or maybe just neglect have revealed the secret door. It's leaning off one hinge crazily to the side. It squeals as I open it. Damn, I was really hoping for a sneak attack. It kind of would have increased my chances for taking the Master with me if he didn't know I was coming already. But then he probably reads the Codex. I bet he knows the outcome of this battle too, must make it easier for him.
I walk silently through maybe four hundred yards of catacombs before I ever see any sentries. There are two in a tunnel entrance, vampires. They appear bored, as if they don't expect any trouble. Most people don't really think you'll come to a battle you can't win. I'm a Slayer my job is to come to battles I can't win.
I slip two stakes out of my waistband and slip up behind the sentries. I shove stakes in both their hearts before they have a chance to make a sound. Their dust settles around me as I creep through the entrance. I glance up and down the tunnel. It's clear. I choose the right hand side and come to another intersection. I peek around the corner and Bingo, two more guards right in front of another tunnel entrance. Candlelight from the room beyond makes the entrance glow. I step back into my own tunnel and press my back flat against the wall.
"Fuck" I curse under my breath. I've got a crossbow but there's no way to dust them without the Master knowing they've been dusted. I shrug. There's a point where he's going to find out I'm here anyway.
I check the pockets of my cargo pants. They're stocked with stakes and holy water. I take the crossbow off my back and load it with fresh bolt. I slip a few more bolts into the strap on my left wrist. I close my eyes and pray to the Slayer God that I get to go to Slayer Heaven and then step out silently, simultaneously I let loose the first bolt. It flies straight and true, slicing into the heart of guard 1. He dusts without a whimper but it gets guard 2's attention. He rushes toward me and I have just enough time to drop and roll, dodging the sword he pulls from a sheath on his waist. Vamps with weapons, isn't this fun?
There's about an inch of stagnant water on the concrete floor of the tunnel, an inch of water I just rolled in. And here I was thinking I'd die all pretty, maybe in one of those flowing white dresses the damsels in movies always die in. The crossbow slips out of my wet hand and I fumble for it. The vamp catches me off guard, kicking me in the ribs hard enough to knock the wind out of me. I close my eyes and fight against the urge to simply give up. I mean if this is it, what's the reason to keep fighting. The image of Angel's permanently scarred chest flashes before my eyes and I kick up, splashing dirty water on the vampire's legs.
I drive my fist into the vamp's gut and he bends at the waist. I slam an elbow into his temple and he staggers but his hand snakes out and wraps around my wrist. He twists my arm painfully and I bite my lip to keep from crying out. My back is facing him. I stomp on his foot as hard as I can. That causes him to loosen his hold just enough for me to wrench my wrist out of his grasp. I punch him hard in the face and he falls back slumped against the wall. I shove a stake through his heart.
I take a deep breath and roll my shoulder. My left arm feels like it's been put on one of those torture racks and stretched. I'm pretty sure some of the muscles are torn. It hangs pretty much uselessly at my side. That's okay I only need one arm to stake a vampire. I roll the shoulder experimentally again and wince. I grab the cross bow from the water and stalk through the candlelit entrance.
Its way creepy in here. It's a natural cavern with the stag things hanging down and pointing up. I can never remember their names. Pieces of the sunken church stick up at odd angles and then disappear back into the rock. There are pools of water scattered over the large cave. I turn in a circle, looking for any sign of the Master or any vamp. There are a hundred places he could hide here, in alcoves and shadows. The candles melt onto the rock. Their flames cast flickering light over the ceiling, the walls and the floors.
I catch a flash of movement to left and I turn quickly, wrenching my shoulder again. I hiss with the pain and then catch my breath. There's a vampire sitting on a rock. She's dressed in a blood red velvet gown and I mean gown in the ball gown sense. Her hair is black and it's all coiffed and pulled up around her face. She's a vampire but she's beautiful.
"And you meet my paramour, Elizabeth" a voice echoes through the cavern and I know it's his. I whirl looking for the source.
Turning my back on a vampire is a mistake I haven't made in years. Elizabeth moves fast considering she's wearing about fifty yards of velvet and a corset. She hits me in the mouth with enough force to toss me across the cavern. My head smacks the wall I'm thrown against and pretty stars dance all around. The world tilts and I force back nausea. I shove myself up to my feet just in time to dodge a left hook. I catch her hand and twist. She grabs me with her other arm and folds me into her.
"Uh uh, Elizabeth, you know the rules. The prophecy says I kill her" the voice says and I catch a glimpse of the Master as he slips from one hiding place into another.
"I just want a taste. I won't take it all" Elizabeth pouts.
I struggle in her hold. She's got me tight and breathing is going to become an issue if she tightens the hold any more.
"Alright, but just a taste" the Master says. He peeks from his hiding spot to watch.
I close my eyes, feeling and smelling Elizabeth's cool breath on my skin. She smells like wet earth and old blood. I wonder why Angel doesn't reek like this. I bow my head in defeat and resist the urge to smile as I feel her paper dry skin brush against my lips. I bite down on her hand as hard as I can. I taste blood and I keep biting. Elizabeth is shrieking at the top of her lungs. She finally relinquishes her hold on me and shoves me away, ripping her hand out of my mouth. I spit out blood and other things I don't want to contemplate. She backs away from me screaming like a banshee and waving her bloody hand in the air. I slip a stake from my pocket and throw it with enough force to drive it straight through her heart.
"Looks like you're going to have to do the job yourself. Girlfriend couldn't get done" I taunt. Impending death makes you brave or really, really stupid. Take your pick.
He's faster then any vampire I've ever faced. He's behind me and I never even saw him leave his hiding spot. He's just there, no real movement involved.
"I always planned on doing the job myself. After all, it is prophesied" he says. He glides a finger over my face and I try to walk away, I try to run, I try to scream. I can't do any of it. The only response I have is a single tear. It's the only movement my body can make.
"You're prettier then the last slayer I killed" he says.
I swallow hard, welcoming the death he's going to give me. At least it will be over. I'll be finished. He wraps his hand around my throat delicately, like a lover and lowers his mouth to my neck. The pain isn't as bad as I thought it would be. I mean it's just this prick and then nothing, complete blackness.
-Angel-
I go through the entrance to the catacombs first. Giles is right behind me. I've got a broadsword and he's got enough weapons for a small armory. We're probably almost 400 yards into the catacombs when nausea overwhelms me. I lean against the wall of the tunnel, gasping. If Buffy makes me feel alive, then the only way to explain this feeling is dead. That scares me more then I know how to express.
"Angel?" Giles asks and lays a hand on my shoulder.
I shake my head and take harsh breaths. Cold sweat drips from my forehead. I push myself off the wall of the tunnel and swipe the back of my hand across my forehead.
"We've got to hurry. Something has happened" I gasp and stumble down the tunnel, so much for vampire stealth and grace. I erupt into the main cavern and I don't see her at first when I do I feel like my lungs have been ripped out of my chest. She's lying face down in a pool of water. I pull her out and cradle her against my chest. I know before I put my fingers to the pulse in her neck that she doesn't have one. I look up at Giles crouched beside me.
"She's dead." I know it's my voice. I feel my throat and mouth forming the words but it sounds foreign.
Giles shakes his head. "No, there are things, an ambulance-"
"They'd never get down here in time" I say finally accepting what Buffy accepted the first time she heard it.
"CPR, she drowned, we can try CPR" Giles says. He grabs her body from my embrace and lays her on the ground.
I don't point out the bite on her neck or that she could be drained of blood, her body just happened to fall into the pool. I'm hoping against hope that he's right.
"You'll have to do it. I have no breath" I say.
In that moment I have never felt so helpless in my entire existence. I watch and Giles bends over Buffy's body and performs CPR, helpless to assist him in anyway. I swallow hard and catch sight of the cross around her neck, my cross. No, not helpless. There is one thing I can do. I can pray.
I snatch the cross from around her neck and fold my hand around the cross. My skin starts to sizzle and smoke the moment the cross touches my hand. It makes a nice accompaniment to the prayer I whisper over and over.
It seems like forever but her eyes go wide and she coughs, water comes pouring out of her lungs. I drop the cross and gather her to my chest. I struggle out of my duster and wrap her in it.
"Let's get her back to my apartment and get her warm" Giles says.
I nod and stand up with her in my arms. She shivers, her skin breaking out in goose flesh. I place a kiss on her forehead.
"Shhh, don't worry we're going to make it alright" I whisper. I don't know how but she's alive. I can make anything right as long as she's alive.