Breathless

By Tyrael aka LiangFeng

With Kooritenshi Chapter Five: Crash and Burn

When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore…

Let me be the one you call

If you jump I'll break your fall

Lift you up and fly away with you into the night

If you need to fall apart

I can mend a broken heart

If you need to crash

Then crash and burn you're not alone

-- "Crash and Burn", Savage Garden

It would be days later until Quistis would come to, but until that day, Rinoa remained faithfully at the SeeD's bedside.

The days after that …fateful incident were just as Rinoa had predicted. Quistis' attempted suicide was indeed labeled an accident to mask the young instructor's mental instability and in some ways protected her. Rinoa, though upset, had to agree that it was the right thing to do. Who knows what the students would then after look at Quistis with. Inevitably, a great loss of respect.

The dark-haired girl sat before a folding table that was placed near Quistis' bedside, in a rather stiff-looking chair, poring over her open textbook and scribbling notes in a notepad. She glanced over her equations and paused to scratch her head before rubbing the pencil marks away with her eraser.

Reaching over to the cup of coffee that rested on the corner of the table, she took a generous sip of the dark lukewarm liquid before setting the cup back down and returning to her math book. She gave one last hopeless shrug before shutting it with an audible, but not terribly loud, clap.

She never really did get calculus. In her opinion, it was an evil subject, which ought to be burned and banned and have other such terrible things done to it.

Rinoa couldn't help but feel like something was missing to the picture. She felt like something in the back of her mind was telling her to pick up the phone and dial a familiar number. When figuring out that the voice was really an automatic response to call Quistis for help on a difficult assignment, she could feel another wave of remorse take over again.

She glanced over at the still-sleeping Quistis, and couldn't help but acknowledge the tug at her heart. She heaved a sigh before reaching for her history textbook, which lay on top of a pile of books and papers in the opposite corner of the table from her coffee cup.

Quistis wasn't here right now. She wasn't here to help her with her calculus assignment nor with other things she would go running to the blonde with. It was at that moment she fully felt the impact of not having Quistis around.

Whenever Rinoa had any trouble with anything, she would go directly to Quistis. Not only with schoolwork, but also with personal issues.

Like when she had trouble with controlling her sorceress powers and the rigorous training Mrs. Kramer was putting her through, and needed someone to listen to her vents of frustration. Or when Squall would fall back into his, now occasional but perfectly characteristic, insensitivity, she could always count on Quistis to lend an ear.

She could remember the times she and Quistis would go to the cafeteria and talk over cups of tea and coffee, depending on how upset Rinoa was. Rinoa would pour her heart out and Quistis would nod and give small smiles of infinite understanding and words of comfort that always seemed to life her spirits.

They were small things Quistis had done for Rinoa, to show that she cared. But to Rinoa, they had meant the world. It was hard to live in a world where she was looked upon with hate and misunderstanding. They called her names, talked behind her back, but she could hear what they spoke. Slut, whore, ditz…She took them all in stride, but couldn't help but feel that it was killing her inside. And the one person who was there to listen, the one person who was willing to help without expecting anything in return was Quistis.

And now Rinoa understood why. Because Quistis was suffering too. She truly understood what she was going through and tried her best to save the sorceress from her pain, even as she was drowning in her own.

"You probably never had any trouble with this stuff." Rinoa said over the rim of her economics book, to the unconscious Quistis, indicating her schoolwork in an attempt to shake the miserable thoughts that hung over her. Unable to, she shut the book and placed it back among the others.

Turning away from the table, she buried her face in her hands, propping up her elbows in her lap. She breathed deeply, doing her very best to clear her mind. It was a burden that was too much to bear, knowing that she could have prevented Quistis from going over the edge. She needed forgiveness.

She swallowed, suppressing the bile that arose from her throat, as she slowly let her hands fall from her face to her lap. She forced herself to look at Quistis, forced herself to take in what she had been trying to block out.

Quistis was dying. Though her battered body remained, Rinoa knew that when she awoke, her soul would be dead. The person Rinoa knew as the strong, beautiful, kind Quistis…would be gone. It would only a matter of time before her body followed her soul into oblivion. And then what would Rinoa be left with? She would be alone…again.

But no! No! She would not let Quistis go without a fight. She would not-she could not! Quistis was more then a friend, she was like an older sister. She couldn't let her go…

"Never." The sorceress muttered low, under her breath, as she watched Quistis sleep, her eyes following the rise and fall of the blonde's chest. Unconsciously, her hand went to the other girls'.

"I'll never let you go." She said again, running her thumb along the back of Quistis' hand. "I'll wait until you come back…wherever you are." She fell silent and the only sound that was present in the room was the steady beeping of the machine that monitored Quistis' vitals.

"Come back to me, Quistis." She lifted the SeeD's slender, but calloused hand to press the knuckles to her lips. "I love you."

Rinoa stood up to lean forward, and gently kissed Quistis on the forehead. She let her free hand linger in blonde strands for just a while, before turning back to her homework. But she found that she could not. She turned back to find her hand, that she had placed in Quistis', held fast.

Something happened within Quistis. Her heart had heard the words it had so longed to hear, causing it to beat erratically fast. The machines that had been hooked up to her, in turn started to beep insanely.

Rinoa glanced worriedly at the monitor screens, ready to yell at the top of her lungs for Dr. Kadowaki when she heard the most beautiful words spoken with the most beautiful voice.

"I love you too…"

She could hardly believe. She didn't dare to believe; for fear of this one moment was nothing more than a dream, for she had many like it before. It was delicate but wondrous. Rinoa feared that with the wrong movement or words, the instant she so longed to experience, would shatter.

Ice blue eyes fluttered open, and the sun started to shine again. The birds were singing once more. And at last, the darkness was gone.

Quistis awoke to behold the wondrous angel that had stay by her side faithfully for days. Something tore at her heart, and she only knew one thing. She loved this girl. She would die for her.

"Rinoa."

One word. That was all it took to send Rinoa over the edge. Fresh tears came anew as her hands went to her mouth, to muffle the sobs that were beginning to rack her worn body. The joy was exhilarating. So much that it almost sent her on a high. She couldn't help but let out a little cry of glee before throwing herself on Quistis and wrapping her arms around the other girls' neck before bursting into tears.

The reality was staggering. Here was this girl who tried so hard to end her life…and she was back. She slit her wrists and bled herself to the very brink of death. In all ways, this was a miracle. Quistis should have died that night along with whatever it was that drove her to kill herself. But now she was back among the living…and her demons.

But Rinoa couldn't handle that right now and Hyne knows that Quistis wouldn't. All she cared about was the woman she was holding in her arms. All she cared about was Quistis.

"You came back…" Rinoa managed a whisper through her tears. "You came back to us."

"I came back to you."

Rinoa pulled back unexpectedly and both girls found themselves screaming inside for each other's presence once more. She gazed into Quistis' blue eyes and saw that for the first time since she had met Quistis, her eyes weren't of ice nor held anything cold. It was warm and full of affection.

"Don't cry…" Quistis murmured as she lifted her hand to wipe away the tears that stained Rinoa's face. "Please don't."

Rinoa berated herself for upsetting Quistis.

Of course, she's already had enough sadness.

"Sorry, I'm just happy you're back." Rinoa smiled. She was immensely glad when it was returned. She took it as a good sign that maybe things could be better and maybe Quistis could be happier from now on. It was always darkest before dawn, right? "I'm sure everyone else will be too! Just think…Selphie on Prozac. Squall smiling for once. And Hyne knows what Zell will do!"

Rinoa's happiness suddenly turned into shock when confusion flashed across Quistis' face.

"Who?"