Chapter 5:Lothlorien
Larien is in this one too! Yay for Larien!
*People clap*
Everyone, even Malfoy, is quite distressed over Gandalf's "death."
Sam: We are going to DIE!
Malfoy: And then I won't get PAID!
Aragorn: We're not going to die.
Merry, Pippin, Sam, Malfoy, and Ron: YES WE ARE!
Hermione: Don't be so negative.
Malfoy: Did you read somewhere that we're going to live?
Harry: Let's just drop that, OK?
Boromir: Let's just keep walking.
All: Oh, joy.
Later, they stop and make camp.
Harry: Aragorn, can you teach me how to use a sword? I don't think my wand will be good enough if we have to fight a Balrog or something like it.
Aragorn: A sword won't help you against a Balrog either, but what the heck? Sure!
Hermione: (very, very politely) Legolas, can you teach me how to-
Legolas: No.
Ron: (not nearly as politely) Legolas, can you teach me how to shoot with a bow?
Legolas: Sure.
Hermione glares at Legolas, and walks over to Boromir.
Hermione: Boromir, can you teach me how to use a sword?
Boromir: Sure.
Malfoy: Can someone show me how to use a weapon?
Gimli starts to volunteer, (he has nothing else to do, and probably wants to prove he's nicer than an elf) but Aragorn cuts him off.
Aragorn: I think we'd all be safer if he didn't know how to use a weapon.
Boromir: (still embarrassed from the Rictusempra curse) I second that!
They all practice for a while, or sit and watch.
Frodo: I'm bored.
Merry: Do something useful. Like cook. Cooking is good. Is it dinnertime?
Sam: Cook with what?
Pippin: There's nothing left.
Frodo: (looking in bags) Don't be silly, theirs plenty left, you just won't be able to eat eight meals a day. Maybe just two or three.
Pippin: Only two meals a day?
Merry: We are...
Pippin: Going to...
Merry: STARVE!!!
Sam: Death by starvation. I shudder at the thought!
Just to prove his point, he shudders.
Malfoy: (in quite a bad mood) You big babies. It's no wonder you're so fat.
Pippin: Not fat. Well rounded-
Merry: And quite healthy.
Malfoy: I say you're fat.
Pippin throws a mushroom at Malfoy.
Sam and Merry: NOT THE FOOD!!
Malfoy: Rictusempra!
Pippin is winded. Boromir winces.
Hermione: Expelliarmus!
Malfoy's wand flies out of his hand and into her's. She hands the wand to Aragorn.
Aragorn: I'll be keeping this for a while.
Boromir and Pippin: Good idea!
Malfoy, still in a bad mood, jumps on Pippin and they start beating each other up.
Legolas: (pulling them apart) Ok, kids, break it up!
Aragorn: (helping Legolas) Stop fighting or you won't have dinner tomorrow!
Pippin immediately steps away from Malfoy, horrified that Aragorn would threaten anything like that.
Pippin: You wouldn't DARE!
Aragorn: Wanna bet?
They all settle down to sleep. The next morning, they walk more (what a surprise) and see Lothlorien in the distance.
Legolas: (jumping up) WooHoo!
Gimli: SEE! I'm NOT the only crazy one!
Legolas: (too happy to speak) Not...Crazy...Just...Happy...
All (except Aragorn, who believes he should set a better example): Crazy.
They finally reach the woods, and find themselves surrounded by elves. Malfoy opens his mouth to say something insulting. Legolas notices.
Legolas: You are an idiot.
Random Elf 1: Are you talking to me?
Random Elf 2: You better not be talking to me.
Random Elf 3: If you're talking to me, you're dead meat.
Legolas: No, I'm not talking to you, you idiots!
The Random Elves lower their bows at the fellowship.
Legolas: Uh, just joking! I didn't mean that! Oops.
Boromir: You bonehead, now look what you did!
Random Elf 1: Are you talking to me?
Random Elf 2: You better not be talking to me.
Random Elf 3: If you're talking to me, you're dead meat.
Aragorn: Boromir? Don't...Say...Anything...
Legolas: (laughing nervously) You wouldn't shoot a fellow Elf, would you?
Random Elf 1: It depends.
Random Elf 2: You were quite rude.
Random Elf 3: Can I shoot the dwarf?
Random Elf 4: No.
Random Elf 5: Can I shoot the kid?
Random Elf 4: Which one?
Random Elf 5: The blonde one.
Random Elf 6: Are you discriminating against blondes again?
Random Elf 4: Go ahead. I don't like the looks of him.
Random Elf 5 shoots at Malfoy, but the arrow bounces off. Random Elf 7 arrives.
Random Elf 7: Don't hurt them! Galadriel says they're the good people!
Random Elves 1-6: Darn.
Larien's part starts here.
The fellowship has just arrived (after many complaints from Malfoy, and many plots against him) at Lothlorien. Frodo has just looked into Lady Galadriel's mirror.
Frodo: I saw him! I saw the Dark Lord!
Harry: (in amazement) You saw Voldemort?!?!
Sam: No, doofus. "The Dark Lord" here is not the same as "The Dark Lord" there.
Ron: Huh?
Pippin: Sauron, duh!
Merry: What is wrong with you people? You'd think that after this whole voyage that you'd know at least who we're trying to kill!
Hermione opens her mouth to say something, but is interrupted by Malfoy.
Malfoy: What's the matter, Mudblood, didn't look that up in a book?
Legolas: Hey, we dropped that quite a while ago, if you don't stop, I might have to...
Legolas slowly moves his hand up to his bow.
Legolas: What have we learned?
Malfoy: Shutting up.
Legolas: Exactly.
Ron and Harry start sniggering. The rest of the fellowship (except Malfoy) looks very amused. Malfoy begins to think of a way to taunt the other members.
Malfoy: Well, I looked into the mirror, and guess what I saw? I saw a pretty boy elf having a secret affair with none other than Aragorn's ugly elf friend.
Legolas and Aragorn both pull out their weapons. Aragorn looks menacingly at Malfoy.
Legolas: (sarcastically) Well do you want to know what I saw, Malfoy? I saw a hard haired git lying on the ground, with several elf arrows in his side, and an elf with extremely accurate aim standing over his cold, dead body. Do you want to know what Galadriel told me? She said that it would come to pass if you didn't shut up.
Malfoy's face turns crimson red and shuts up at Legolas's threat.
Aragorn: (trying to stop Malfoy and Legolas from ripping each other apart) We'd best be moving, we don't want the spies of the Dark Lord-
Pippin: (jokingly) Which one?
Aragorn: (annoyed and trying to finish his speech) both, you know what I mean, we don't want them to find us.
Boromir: I still say that we go to Gondor, the finest city of men!
Ron: (slyly) The finest city of men? Let me ask you this, Boromir, does this city have plumbing? Air conditioning? Fancy restaurants?
Boromir looks very confused.
Ron: Then Gondor is obviously not the finest city of men.
Boromir ignores him.
Boromir: But we do have very pretty girls...
Ron: Let's go to Gondor!
Hermione snorts into her lembas bread, and says something that sounds very much like "boys...".
Hermione: Legolas, you never answered me. Do you want to join S.P.E.W. or not?
Legolas: Let's see...NO!!!
Hermione looks desperate.
Harry and Ron: (whispering) You do know that you could just join and she would shut up, Legolas.
Legolas: I am not going to join some stupid organization for a bunch of stupid creatures who don't deserve the honor of being called an elf.
Malfoy butts in.
Malfoy: (in a drawling voice) Oh, and it's such an honor to be an elf, isn't it?
Legolas reaches for his bow for about the millionth time, and, as usual, Malfoy shuts up.
Aragorn: (obviously trying to get rid of Malfoy's taunting) Let's just go now.
Malfoy ignores Aragorn, and starts taunting again, but the rest of the fellowship walk towards Aragorn.
Legolas pulls out his bow.
Legolas: (pointing at Malfoy) You. here. now.
Malfoy walks over to Aragorn immediately, a fearful look in his eyes. Legolas puts away his bow.
Legolas: I love controlling this guy! I can make him act like a ferret if I want too!
Ron: (a hopeful look in his eye) Really? Can you...show us?
Harry and Hermione immediately start cracking up.
Aragorn: I really think we should be going now.
Ron: Speaking of turning Malfoy into a ferret...
Malfoy: (menacingly) Don't you dare.
Ron just grins evilly and starts again.
Ron: It all started in the 4th year of Hogwarts...
The fellowship starts to walk out of Lothlorien. Everyone except for Malfoy are listening intently and trying to figure out ways to taunt him, using information from the story. So the fellowship left Lothlorien, with a glowering Malfoy trailing right behind them.
Thanks to Larien for helping.
Last chance, people! Who is going with Merry and Pippin, who is going with Sam and Frodo, and who's going with Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli? (If you want Legolas-Hermione romance, like some of you do, you should probably vote that way.) Which brings me to my next question: do you want romance?
REVIEW!
Larien is in this one too! Yay for Larien!
*People clap*
Everyone, even Malfoy, is quite distressed over Gandalf's "death."
Sam: We are going to DIE!
Malfoy: And then I won't get PAID!
Aragorn: We're not going to die.
Merry, Pippin, Sam, Malfoy, and Ron: YES WE ARE!
Hermione: Don't be so negative.
Malfoy: Did you read somewhere that we're going to live?
Harry: Let's just drop that, OK?
Boromir: Let's just keep walking.
All: Oh, joy.
Later, they stop and make camp.
Harry: Aragorn, can you teach me how to use a sword? I don't think my wand will be good enough if we have to fight a Balrog or something like it.
Aragorn: A sword won't help you against a Balrog either, but what the heck? Sure!
Hermione: (very, very politely) Legolas, can you teach me how to-
Legolas: No.
Ron: (not nearly as politely) Legolas, can you teach me how to shoot with a bow?
Legolas: Sure.
Hermione glares at Legolas, and walks over to Boromir.
Hermione: Boromir, can you teach me how to use a sword?
Boromir: Sure.
Malfoy: Can someone show me how to use a weapon?
Gimli starts to volunteer, (he has nothing else to do, and probably wants to prove he's nicer than an elf) but Aragorn cuts him off.
Aragorn: I think we'd all be safer if he didn't know how to use a weapon.
Boromir: (still embarrassed from the Rictusempra curse) I second that!
They all practice for a while, or sit and watch.
Frodo: I'm bored.
Merry: Do something useful. Like cook. Cooking is good. Is it dinnertime?
Sam: Cook with what?
Pippin: There's nothing left.
Frodo: (looking in bags) Don't be silly, theirs plenty left, you just won't be able to eat eight meals a day. Maybe just two or three.
Pippin: Only two meals a day?
Merry: We are...
Pippin: Going to...
Merry: STARVE!!!
Sam: Death by starvation. I shudder at the thought!
Just to prove his point, he shudders.
Malfoy: (in quite a bad mood) You big babies. It's no wonder you're so fat.
Pippin: Not fat. Well rounded-
Merry: And quite healthy.
Malfoy: I say you're fat.
Pippin throws a mushroom at Malfoy.
Sam and Merry: NOT THE FOOD!!
Malfoy: Rictusempra!
Pippin is winded. Boromir winces.
Hermione: Expelliarmus!
Malfoy's wand flies out of his hand and into her's. She hands the wand to Aragorn.
Aragorn: I'll be keeping this for a while.
Boromir and Pippin: Good idea!
Malfoy, still in a bad mood, jumps on Pippin and they start beating each other up.
Legolas: (pulling them apart) Ok, kids, break it up!
Aragorn: (helping Legolas) Stop fighting or you won't have dinner tomorrow!
Pippin immediately steps away from Malfoy, horrified that Aragorn would threaten anything like that.
Pippin: You wouldn't DARE!
Aragorn: Wanna bet?
They all settle down to sleep. The next morning, they walk more (what a surprise) and see Lothlorien in the distance.
Legolas: (jumping up) WooHoo!
Gimli: SEE! I'm NOT the only crazy one!
Legolas: (too happy to speak) Not...Crazy...Just...Happy...
All (except Aragorn, who believes he should set a better example): Crazy.
They finally reach the woods, and find themselves surrounded by elves. Malfoy opens his mouth to say something insulting. Legolas notices.
Legolas: You are an idiot.
Random Elf 1: Are you talking to me?
Random Elf 2: You better not be talking to me.
Random Elf 3: If you're talking to me, you're dead meat.
Legolas: No, I'm not talking to you, you idiots!
The Random Elves lower their bows at the fellowship.
Legolas: Uh, just joking! I didn't mean that! Oops.
Boromir: You bonehead, now look what you did!
Random Elf 1: Are you talking to me?
Random Elf 2: You better not be talking to me.
Random Elf 3: If you're talking to me, you're dead meat.
Aragorn: Boromir? Don't...Say...Anything...
Legolas: (laughing nervously) You wouldn't shoot a fellow Elf, would you?
Random Elf 1: It depends.
Random Elf 2: You were quite rude.
Random Elf 3: Can I shoot the dwarf?
Random Elf 4: No.
Random Elf 5: Can I shoot the kid?
Random Elf 4: Which one?
Random Elf 5: The blonde one.
Random Elf 6: Are you discriminating against blondes again?
Random Elf 4: Go ahead. I don't like the looks of him.
Random Elf 5 shoots at Malfoy, but the arrow bounces off. Random Elf 7 arrives.
Random Elf 7: Don't hurt them! Galadriel says they're the good people!
Random Elves 1-6: Darn.
Larien's part starts here.
The fellowship has just arrived (after many complaints from Malfoy, and many plots against him) at Lothlorien. Frodo has just looked into Lady Galadriel's mirror.
Frodo: I saw him! I saw the Dark Lord!
Harry: (in amazement) You saw Voldemort?!?!
Sam: No, doofus. "The Dark Lord" here is not the same as "The Dark Lord" there.
Ron: Huh?
Pippin: Sauron, duh!
Merry: What is wrong with you people? You'd think that after this whole voyage that you'd know at least who we're trying to kill!
Hermione opens her mouth to say something, but is interrupted by Malfoy.
Malfoy: What's the matter, Mudblood, didn't look that up in a book?
Legolas: Hey, we dropped that quite a while ago, if you don't stop, I might have to...
Legolas slowly moves his hand up to his bow.
Legolas: What have we learned?
Malfoy: Shutting up.
Legolas: Exactly.
Ron and Harry start sniggering. The rest of the fellowship (except Malfoy) looks very amused. Malfoy begins to think of a way to taunt the other members.
Malfoy: Well, I looked into the mirror, and guess what I saw? I saw a pretty boy elf having a secret affair with none other than Aragorn's ugly elf friend.
Legolas and Aragorn both pull out their weapons. Aragorn looks menacingly at Malfoy.
Legolas: (sarcastically) Well do you want to know what I saw, Malfoy? I saw a hard haired git lying on the ground, with several elf arrows in his side, and an elf with extremely accurate aim standing over his cold, dead body. Do you want to know what Galadriel told me? She said that it would come to pass if you didn't shut up.
Malfoy's face turns crimson red and shuts up at Legolas's threat.
Aragorn: (trying to stop Malfoy and Legolas from ripping each other apart) We'd best be moving, we don't want the spies of the Dark Lord-
Pippin: (jokingly) Which one?
Aragorn: (annoyed and trying to finish his speech) both, you know what I mean, we don't want them to find us.
Boromir: I still say that we go to Gondor, the finest city of men!
Ron: (slyly) The finest city of men? Let me ask you this, Boromir, does this city have plumbing? Air conditioning? Fancy restaurants?
Boromir looks very confused.
Ron: Then Gondor is obviously not the finest city of men.
Boromir ignores him.
Boromir: But we do have very pretty girls...
Ron: Let's go to Gondor!
Hermione snorts into her lembas bread, and says something that sounds very much like "boys...".
Hermione: Legolas, you never answered me. Do you want to join S.P.E.W. or not?
Legolas: Let's see...NO!!!
Hermione looks desperate.
Harry and Ron: (whispering) You do know that you could just join and she would shut up, Legolas.
Legolas: I am not going to join some stupid organization for a bunch of stupid creatures who don't deserve the honor of being called an elf.
Malfoy butts in.
Malfoy: (in a drawling voice) Oh, and it's such an honor to be an elf, isn't it?
Legolas reaches for his bow for about the millionth time, and, as usual, Malfoy shuts up.
Aragorn: (obviously trying to get rid of Malfoy's taunting) Let's just go now.
Malfoy ignores Aragorn, and starts taunting again, but the rest of the fellowship walk towards Aragorn.
Legolas pulls out his bow.
Legolas: (pointing at Malfoy) You. here. now.
Malfoy walks over to Aragorn immediately, a fearful look in his eyes. Legolas puts away his bow.
Legolas: I love controlling this guy! I can make him act like a ferret if I want too!
Ron: (a hopeful look in his eye) Really? Can you...show us?
Harry and Hermione immediately start cracking up.
Aragorn: I really think we should be going now.
Ron: Speaking of turning Malfoy into a ferret...
Malfoy: (menacingly) Don't you dare.
Ron just grins evilly and starts again.
Ron: It all started in the 4th year of Hogwarts...
The fellowship starts to walk out of Lothlorien. Everyone except for Malfoy are listening intently and trying to figure out ways to taunt him, using information from the story. So the fellowship left Lothlorien, with a glowering Malfoy trailing right behind them.
Thanks to Larien for helping.
Last chance, people! Who is going with Merry and Pippin, who is going with Sam and Frodo, and who's going with Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli? (If you want Legolas-Hermione romance, like some of you do, you should probably vote that way.) Which brings me to my next question: do you want romance?
REVIEW!