Marble Halls
(2/5)
I
dreamt I dwelt in marble halls
with vassals and serfs at my side.
The melodious phrases of a slow waltz and the low murmurs of mingling conversations filled the Grand Ballroom, spilling out into the vacant corridors. It seemed as though every citizen of the Moon had gathered within the magnificent marbled walls of the Palace that night, save for one.
She was late. Where her steps normally would have been slow, deliberate and graceful, they were now quick and clumsy. The soft click of her shoes reverberated off of the walls of the corridor as she headed towards the grand staircase. She paused, a few steps from the top of the landing, taking a moment to compose herself. She drew in a few slow and deep breaths to calm her accelerated heart beat. Slender and delicate hands tidied the few stray wisps of lengthy silvery hair that had sprung loose from their streaming pigtails, before moving downwards to smooth out non-existent wrinkles in her dress. There, now she was at least presentable.
With one last deep breath, she poised her right hand over the banister of the marbled staircase, and began her descent. Her free hand fluttered to her side where she drew up the hem of her dress a little. Her enormous blue eyes darkened as she drew closer to the foot of the stairs, and she drew her mouth taut. She did not want to be here right now. She did not belong here.
'Excuse me,' a charming voice broke into her thoughts, and she felt warmth envelop her hand. Her heart skipped a beat as she turned to focus on the man who was now pressing his lips to her palm. His dark hair and handsome eyes were recognizable, even behind a domino mask and top hat.
'Princess…' he began, continuing to grasp her hand as she practically ran down the last few steps of the staircase. 'Serenity…' he breathed, as she wrapped her arms around his neck and tucked her forehead underneath his defined chin.
'Shh…' she whispered, entwining her long fingers within his. 'Please, let us only spend these moments away from prying eyes and whispering tongues.' Serenity pulled away to gaze up into his eyes, searching for any hesitation or any reluctance. She found nothing except adoration and devotion and love within his stare. She had thought that he would not come. It was too dangerous.
At this thought, a crystalline tear slid down her pale face. Why was her life like this? All she wanted was to be loved. All she wanted was to be normal.
And
of all who assembled within those walls,
that I was the hope and the pride.
"Usako!" A soft whisper permeated my dream.
"Hmm…? Oh, please, just one more minute, Mama!" Honestly, how rude was it to
interrupt someone while they're catching up on sleep? I was up almost all night
due to this crazy dream that I keep having. Because of my lack of rest, I fell
asleep in class, which was not my fault, and then Haruna-sensei gave me a detention… wait a second!
"Odango atama?"
Ouch! There was a rather sharp jab in my side. To this intrusion of my personal
space, I jumped up from my… seat at the… arcade. It wasn't hard to figure out
how I landed myself here… apparently I did not get enough sleep in class either
and had taken a nap at the arcade. It was a good thing I didn't order anything
otherwise it would have been wasted. After stifling a large yawn with my hand
(I was really checking to see if I had any dried remnants of my nap around my
mouth), I lazily brought my attention upwards to frown at the only person who
called me by that loathsome nickname.
"What do you want?' I snipped coolly, not at all pleased at having a: been woken up, and b: been woken up by the Baka. Languidly, I stretched my arms and removed the crick in my neck from having fallen asleep on a table at a booth… not a most comfortable thing to have done.
The pretentious baka slid into the seat beside me and oh-so-casually snaked an arm around my shoulders. "Well…," he paused to give me a soft, yet cheeky grin, "you are just too adorable when you are sleeping."
Oh, thank you very much. And how would he know what I looked like when I was sleeping? This was the first time I had fallen asleep at the arcade; I usually caught up with a catnap while at school, which he obviously didn't attend, Mr. I'm-so-smart-I'm-in-high-school. Come to think of it, the last time I remember falling asleep, my house and the girl's houses and school excluded, was in Tuxedo Kamen's arms. And, well, that was a while ago. In fact, I hadn't seen him much of late. I bet he's still recovering from that one battle where I had vanquished that youma all by myself, without his, or the other senshi's help. Honestly, I don't need to be babied; I can handle situations myself… if people would just let me.
Speaking of handling situations… the current situation with Mamoru was a little bit alarming. Ever since that afternoon nearly a year ago, the guy has been almost… amicable toward me. Of course, he still calls me by that stupid name, but it has taken on a more endearing tone of late. In addition to the nickname, the physical contact (the nearly daily run-in's excluded) has gone from non-existent to… bothersome, like the arm around me just now, for instance. The scary thing is, and probably what makes me uncomfortable about it, is the fact that I have not the slightest clue as to whether he's kidding or not.
"Yeah, whatever, Mamoru-baka." With a shrug of my shoulders, I freed
myself from his am and then slid out of the booth via the other side. "I've got
to be going now, so I'll see you around."
With that, I grabbed my book bag and flew out the door before he could even
open his mouth. Whatever it was that he wanted to say, I did not want to hear.
However, as I passed by the window, I could still feel his eyes on me. It was
really beginning to creep me out.
The relationship between Mamoru and I had drastically changed over the past eight months… practically a one-eighty on his part. Long gone were the mischievous and sly grins, mocking stare, and loud, rambunctious laughter. Those traits, which I have grown to miss, have been replaced by soft smiles, twinkling eyes, gentlemanly behaviour, manners, and… gentle touches, so full of an unidentifiable emotion that they toe the line of sweet caresses.
On top of all of this, Mamoru-san seems to know whenever there has been a youma attack. His 'mothering' is worse than, well, Mama and her antics. Every single day after a battle, like clockwork, he finds me and checks up on how I am doing and how the other girls are.
It was only a matter of time, days really, before he figured out who the other senshi were. About a week after I gave him my favourite necklace, as a symbol of his vow of secrecy to me, Mamoru had pulled me aside while in the arcade and confessed that he had determined who the other senshi were. All I could do was nod my head to confirm his suspicions as there was no use in lying about it, or attempting to… I am a pretty shotty liar. As annoying as the man was and despite what I regularly say, Chiba Mamoru was not a stupid man.
In addition to this, the fact that someone had discovered my other identity had left me very jittery, to say the least. The girls and Luna especially, would have my head if they knew that Mamoru-san knew. In other words, I still have not informed them that I had been extremely careless in finding a secluded place to henshin. In addition to my fear of the girl's retribution and a severe scolding from Luna, I've had Chiba hovering around me every since. The past months have been very difficult in that wherever I go, the baka always seems to be around, making strange comments; doing gentlemanly things such as opening doors for me and occasionally picking up my tab. This sudden change in behaviour is smothering me.
And, all the while Mamoru is doing these things for me, I can't help but feel that there is something else motivating his behaviour. It's more than my being Sailormoon. I have come to an almost sickening conclusion as to why he's acting this way, but I have not gotten up the nerve to inquire about it. It is more like the less that I know, the easier it will be to keep our relationship, whatever it is now, where it is, at least from my point of view: purely platonic.
Sometimes Mamoru-san gets this strange, almost… wistful look about him, especially if I avoid talking to him or brush him off. To be rude is not in my nature, but he just makes me so uncomfortable sometimes, that I do not know what to do and I have to get out of the situation. I'm too afraid to delve deeper into this already unfamiliar territory that I'm in.
I
had riches all too great to count
and a high ancestral name.
As I rounded the hedge at the foot of my driveway, the unmistakeable roar of a motorcycle sounded as a beautiful red bike flew down the street. The very miniscule part of me that was sensible screamed at me to just ignore it and continue on into the house. Unfortunately, the rest of me, despite having seen that sleek vehicle before, persuaded my feet to venture out to the curb where the rather good looking, but incredibly aggravating owner of the bike was now removing his helmet.
"Are you stalking me?" I inquired rudely, trying my hardest not to stare at Mamoru-san or his bike. It was difficult to keep an annoyed glare on my face when inside, I was dying to hop on the bike for a ride; it wasn't like he hadn't offered before.
Of course I have had to politely decline his invitations before. There was no way I'd ever get on to that bike while Mamoru was driving. It was not that I feared for my life, as I wasn't afraid of anything… except maybe thunderstorms and the occasional youma, but I knew that sitting behind Mamoru with my arms around his waist and the wind through my hair would lead me down a path that I did not want to explore right now. Riding with Chiba Mamoru would push the boundaries of our already fragile relationship. It was not just the physical contact or the exhilaration of riding on a sexy bike with my arms around a very good looking guy; I think my reluctance has to do with my not totally trusting Mamoru.
A gloved hand waved itself in front of my face. There was a tinge of concern masked in his voice. "Did you even listen to a word I just said?"
I shook my head. "No, and I don't care what you said because I'm going inside now!" Yes, now would be a good time to leave before I jumped the poor guy and made him take me for a spin on the bike. There was something about motorcycles and shiny black helmets and a black leather jacket (thankfully that horrendous green piece of fabric was not to be seen), that did something to a girl, or me at least.
"Well, aren't you going?" Mamoru asked, leaving a hot breath on his helmet and rubbing the spot until it shone in the afternoon sun.
"Uh, yes…" I answered slowly as I looked down to where my feet were firmly placed on the ground. My eyebrows furrowed into a frown when I found that my feet had absolutely no intention of taking me anywhere at the moment.
As I looked up, I could see the last of a smirk fall from Mamoru's face. "I…" Oh, it was now or never! Even though I was perfectly aware of my lack of sanity to actually consider what I was about to do, I knew that I was going to have to say it eventually, because heaven knows, the baka wasn't going to initiate something; and as much as I wanted to avoid a confrontation, letting the tension between us build up could prove disastrous if left unresolved. Things were just not adding up and Mr. Chiba had some explaining to do.
With a deep breath, I brushed my bangs out of my eyes, slowly exhaled, and looked up to meet Mamoru's expectant face.
"We need to talk." Mamoru opened his mouth, but I put my hand up to silence him and continued on before he could get a word out. He was not going to have any say in this matter.
"No. Don't even say anything, baka! Now, you're going to meet me here at exactly seven o'clock and we are then going to talk about your recent behaviour!" My, my, I was beginning to sound like Haruna-sensei! However, before I could berate myself over how I sounded, Mamoru did it for me.
I gave him a cool stare. "And what are you laughing at?"
Mamoru looked as though he were about to fall off of his bike. The black shiny helmet fell from his hands and hit the ground with a clatter as he hunched over, holding his stomach, howling with laughter.
Oh, he was so rude! Fine, if he wanted to play that way, I could too. Picking up the helmet, I shoved it into his hands. "Here," I sniffed and forced my feet to retreat into the house. Once I was safely inside, I slammed the door shut and leaned against it. So much for trying to be mature about it… I could still hear his laughter even from the house.
But I also dreamt which pleased me
most
that you loved me still the same.
"Do you think I
should put my hair up?" At the moment, it was just tumbling down my back in
waves. Sometimes I really hate my hair! Why couldn't my hair be long and sleek
like Minako-chan's, or even Rei-chan's? Or, why
couldn't my hair go up into a wild ponytail such as Mako-chan's?
And, as pretty as Ami's hair is, I knew that I would just look like a baka with
such a short hairstyle.
Here I was, standing in front of my mirror, trying out different hairstyles and
outfits. Actually, I have been standing here for the better part of an hour
already. I think Luna's begun to think that I've gone insane as she keeps
giving me these weird looks.
With a very feline stretch and a quick lick to her paw, Luna abandoned her duties as a (lazy) domestic house cat and switched into 'interrogation-mode' as I like to call it.
"Usagi-chan, why are you fussing over yourself so much for Mamoru-san?" This statement was followed by a very direct and intense scrutiny, via the mirror, with her violently scarlet eyes. She had been nestled within my blankets when I came in after dinner – and she calls me lazy! – and I had woken her up to ask for her opinion. Apparently, my efforts were wasted as she has not given me a single answer to any question I have asked. Instead, she's repeatedly inquired about why I'm making such a big deal out of this.
Why am I making such a big deal out of this? With this question, I paused, one hand holding one half of my hair up. Within a few seconds I could feel my cheeks begin to burn slightly with… a sickening realization! Nope! There was no way that I wanted to look nice for this little excursion? Nope! With a hard swallow, I pushed the weird feeling that had spread over my body and left me with goose bumps and a small shiver. Luna was definitely wrong on that one!
"Luna, every time Mamoru-baka sees me, I'm in my school uniform with these… 'odangos' on my head!" I let my hair fall from my fingers to lie against my back once again. "I just want to show him that I am not some clumsy, childish little girl!" Okay, so the pink hair bows had to go.
Oh, why couldn't I
look like Rei? She was absolutely beautiful. My lips pursed themselves into a
pout and I glared at my reflection. "You wouldn't understand Luna, you're just
a cat! You don't have to worry about having perky breasts, stylish hair, trendy
clothes, and flawless sk…"
My voice died out as I peered closer into the mirror. Was that… a zit! No, no,
I'm just imagining things! Yes, yes, there's nothing wrong with my face… I've
always had perfect skin, thank you Gods, and the words 'pimple' and 'zit' were
not familiar in my vocabulary! Smartly, I poked a finger at my forehead and
then let out a shriek when I palpated a slightly inflamed, hard bump. As well,
upon closer inspection, that patch of reddish skin had a bit of shine to it. Oh
no!
"Luuuunnnaaa!" Another wail
escaped my mouth and I turned my back to the stupid mirror to face my feline
friend. "What am I going to do?"
I could have sworn I saw a smirk dance upon my cat's lips! Humph! Here I was, in the middle of a catastrophe, and she had the gall to smirk at me? "Luna!" I gave her a warning before pouncing on to my bed and pinning her down.
"You don't seem to
understand how major this is! I never get
pimples!"
"They… can result… from… stress, Usa-chan." Luna
pointed out while attempting to struggle out of my grasp.
I opened my mouth to protest, but then I realized that the blasted cat was
probably right. I had been stressed out lately. Not only did I have the normal
stresses of a teenaged girl's life, such as school, parents, and boys, but I
also had been worrying a lot about the Dark Kingdom of late. The attacks had really slowed
down in frequency, and were averaging less than one attack per month. This lack
of activity had put me on guard… they could be planning something big, and we
wouldn't have a clue!
On top of this, I've
been having these really weird dreams lately. Just this afternoon I had one,
while at the arcade. I had no clue as to what they meant, and I had not
mentioned them to anyone. I knew that they already worry about me… being a tad
clumsy and running behind schedule, and I do not want to add to that. I can
figure them out on my own. I'm not the leader for nothing!
My grasp on Luna had lessened and she removed herself from my hands. My
distress over the pimple was long forgotten as I began to think about the
dreams and what they could possibly mean.
Luna's slight weight
settled on my lap and I looked down to my now solemn kitty.
"Usagi, I don't think it's a good idea for you to be alone with Mamoru-san."
She tilted her head a little when I did not respond. "He absolutely cannot be
trusted," she pressed on, "Usagi-chan, you should just stay away from him
altogether."
My grip on my sheets tightened as I listened. What was she going on about?
She's never had a problem with him before. Why would she say something now?
"Why can't he be trusted, Luna?" I asked, perhaps a
little too harshly, as she took a step backward. My grip on the sheets was now
leaving my knuckles colourless, they were so tightly clenched. A sudden
annoyance and a little anger surged through my veins as I narrowed my eyes.
"Why are you telling
me this, out of the blue? Actually, forget it; I don't want to know why you'd
think that Mamoru-san cannot be trusted! He's a baka, not someone from the Dark Kingdom!" I bit out, jumping off the bed and returning
to my mirror. I would be damned if Luna was going to boss me around regarding
matters of my personal life. Yes, she could be as authoritative as she wanted
when it came to senshi business and with our search for the princess, but not now, not ever, when it came to Tsukino Usagi's personal life!
"There," a hat could fix almost anything, including bad hair days and pimples.
I pulled the brim of the pale pink fabric down a little further so that it was
half way between my eyebrows and my hairline. Nope, you couldn't see anything!
Wasn't I a genius! With a small smile at my reflection and a rub of my finger
over my pink, glossy lips, I was ready to go.
Luna hadn't said anything for a little while and I had thought she had stalked out of the room as she usually does when we have a disagreement. However, as I bent down to pick up my purse, I came face to face with furry purple face that had a bald mark on the forehead.
"Hiding from me now, are we? I didn't think that you would be one to sulk in a closet!" Instead of slamming the door shut on Luna, as I was sorely tempted to do, the sound of my Mama's voice floated up from downstairs and signalled to me that the poor guy was now in the living room, undoubtedly being interrogated with a thousand questions. Didn't I tell him to meet me at the end of the drive way?
I abandoned the closet door and slipped the purse over my shoulder. "Typical, baka… he never listens to me!"
"Usagi!" Luna's voice called out as I placed my
hand on the door handle. "Please think about what you are doing!"
Not even bothering to turn around, I responded with a whisper. "Just because
you are jealous, doesn't give you the
right to accuse Mamoru-san of being dishonest! You don't even know the guy! Why
don't you butt out of my personal life for once, and go harass Ami or Rei? I
don't see why you're making such a fuss now as you couldn't have been bothered
before tonight to talk to me about my personal life!"
"No, Usagi-chan! You have this all wrong! I'm worried about you! You don't know
Mamoru all that well and-"
"And, I'm not listening to you anymore, Luna! You can boss me around when it comes to Senshi matters, but for anything other than that, please, just leave… me… alone!"
I slammed my door shut before bounding down the stairs.
that you loved me
you loved me still the same.
"Mama," I groaned as
I came down the stairs, attempting to toss my mass of hair over my shoulder
without disturbing my strategically placed hat.
Mama came straight over, grabbed my hand, and then dragged me into the living
room. "Usagi, you did not tell me you had a gentleman friend! Isn't he absolutely
handsome! You certainly know how to pick them!" Her dark eyes twinkled as she
offered Mamoru a drink, who was stationed on the
couch, quite comfortably I might add.
At these comments, I watched as Mamoru-baka's face went from slightly pink to a
full, blown-out blush that probably matched the colour of my own pair of flaming
cheeks. Why couldn't I have been born to a normal mother? One that wasn't so forward when it came to my mortal enemy,
after the Dark Kingdom, of course. We had to immediately
vacate the premises before she would baby him some more, or worse, my father
came in… which might lead to bloodshed. And… as much as the guy was a pain in
the butt, I did not want to see him shot by a rifle.
In a quick rush I had grabbed my jacket from the front closet and then raced
over to the couch, grabbed Mamoru's hand, and dragged him out the door, tossing
a quick "Don't worry Mama, I won't be out too late! Don't wait up!" over my
shoulder on our way out.
Whew, that was close! I let go of Mamoru's hand and let out a sigh of relief before catching the rustle of curtains out of the corner of my eye. A few seconds later, Mama's face peered out the window, which was my cue to push Mamoru down to the end of the driveway and around the corner, out of sight due to the shrubs.
"I told you to wait here!" I hissed while slipping my jacket on and adjusting my hat, which had thankfully stayed in place.
"I did," Mamoru ran a hand through his hair, "I was here, early in fact. I should have figured you would be late, in your typical fashion!"
"Well-" I stopped
with my mouth open and ready to yell at him for being rude, when I realized a
few things. One, I was the one who had snapped at him first; two, I was the one
who was late; three, I had asked him to meet me here without considering
whether he had plans, and finally, if I was going to get anywhere with Mamoru,
I was going to have to be… nice.
Okay, I can be nice; I am nice… just not to him. What can I say? He brings out
the worst in me! So, I slapped a smile on my face and linked my arm through
his. Then, as sweetly as I could muster, I apologized for being late. "Now,
where would you like to go to talk?"
My apology must have startled him as Mamoru did not even make a peep in response. An uncharacteristic and highly uncomfortable silence fell between us until I withdrew my arm from his and cleared my throat.
"So, Mamoru-san, where's your bike?" Oh, that was a good thing to say! I mentally berated myself for mentioning that, even if I was practically salivating at the mental image of Mamoru, leather clothing, and a very sexy pose with the motorcycle.
"It's at home; I walked over," he answered with a smirk.
"So much for putting my hair down…" and don't you even dare say anything else, Mr. Chiba, I tacked on silently to the end.
"Why do you say that? Now that I've seen what it looks like down, I don't think I want you to put them back up in odangos, as much as I loved those." He looked down at me and gave me a to-die-for smile.
"No reason…" I
answered quickly, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks for the umpteenth time
that day. Was that a compliment that he just gave me? "I just thought you'd
have ridden it over as you were on it this afternoon."
I briefly wondered how my voice stayed seemingly innocent, despite the rather
naughty images in my mind, until I felt Mamoru's hand move from my elbow to
position itself on my hip. He let out a chuckle as he wrapped that arm tightly
around my waist and pressed me into his side.
I dreamt that suitors sought my hand,
that knights upon bended knee,
A soft 'eep'
escaped my very dry mouth. I kept facing straight forward; I didn't even want
to know what expression had accompanied that bit of laughter. Just breathe I chanted silently to
myself, trying not to focus on how warm his body was against mine or how
natural it felt to have his arm around me… it was almost a… familiar feeling.
"What's the matter, Usagi-chan?" Mamoru asked as we came to a halt on the top of the bridge that enabled a breathtaking view of the Tokyo skyline. It was early yet, but in an hour or so, once the sun had set, the sky would be filled with beautiful, twinkling stars, and, my favourite, a large white moon; it was supposed to be a full moon tonight. Perhaps it should have been a sign of my destiny, as I've been captivated by the galaxy since a very young age.
Looking at the stars and studying the solar system had provided me with an odd sense of comfort and peacefulness. If I was having a particularly rotten day, knowing that I was only a very tiny, miniscule, speck in the vastness of the universe made my problems seem not as troublesome.
"Are you alright," Mamoru asked, "It's like I'm holding a piece of wood! You've got to relax…" he then gave me another to-die-for smile. This couldn't be the same guy who had teased me just this afternoon?
"I'm fine," with a nod of my head, I pulled away from Mamoru to take off my jacket. It was by no means a warm evening, but I just needed to move away from the proximity of Mamoru, he was making me awfully uncomfortable.
In all actuality, I was not really 'fine'; I
was frustrated, nervous, and extremely confused… all at the same time!
The railing was cool under my fingers as I grasped it tightly. Bending over the
side of the railing, I felt goose bumps prickle up along the bare of my arms.
Why had I decided to wear a sleeveless shirt? As quickly as I had become hot, I
was now cold. An evening breeze had picked up since we had left the house,
though there was no way I could put that jacket back on now.
"Mamoru," I began, peering down into the bubbling river than ran below. "…we
really need to talk." Now that the time had come, I was afraid of being hurt or
being rejected, or both; but most of all, I was afraid that I would end of
hurting Mamoru.
After a brief moment of silence, I felt as he moved to stand beside me. "You're said that twice already today!" The smile was evident in his voice as he nudged me with his shoulder. "Are you sure that's all that you want to do… talk?"
Oh, leave it to him
to try and make it into something more. "Yes!" I cried out, wrenching my gaze
from the water and moving it to meet Mamoru's. "This has got to stop!"
"What?" The poor boy looked thoroughly puzzled. "What has got to stop, Usagi?"
"This," I waved a
hand between the two of us, "…you, me, your calling me Usagi, your flirting
with me and your pretending to like me! All of that has to stop!"
Mamoru blinked and it was then that I noticed that his smile had faded away.
His gorgeous blue eyes now reflected a deep sadness, a deep loneliness, and
were beginning to take on an suspicious looking shine.
"But, I do like you, Usagi… Usako…"
he finished softly, clenching his fist at his side and then releasing it to
wipe his palm on his pant leg.
Usako? Why did that sound familiar? "Have you
called me that before?" I asked, tearing my eyes from his and looking to the
ground. "What's going on with you?" I then asked, grinding my toe into a small
dip in the pavement.
"I've called you that for a long time," he admitted, reaching out for my hand
and grasping it within his much larger one. "You are a very special girl,
Usagi. I don't think you realize that."
"What?" I looked up immediately. I knew
I was missing something. "You… you… insensitive creep!"
I yelled out, freeing myself from his grasp and glaring at him. "I knew it! You
only like me because you know that I'm… Sailormoon!" I finished with a whisper.
The look on Mamoru's face was that of shock and horrification. "No, it's not
like that," he protested, reaching out for me once again, but I stepped out of
the way, my hands flying to my hips after knocking that stupid hat that I had
put on, to the ground. How much of a baka
was I? Didn't Luna warn me about his intentions? Sure, she was off a little… as
he wasn't working for the Dark Kingdom that I knew of… however, anything was
possible now.
"What sort of sick game are you playing, Chiba?" I ground out angrily. I was on the verge of tears, but for the love of the Gods, I would never let him see me cry over this! Falling down was one thing and failed test papers were another, but for a while there, I actually… liked him! "Did you go and tell all of your friends about me? About my secret? You promised, baka! You promised me that you wouldn't tell and that I could trust you! And you pull something like this?!"
I didn't feel well. My stomach was beginning to twist itself in knots and the tears that I was desperately attempting to hold back were about to burst out. I should have told Luna and the girl's right from day one. If they found out that I had let the secret slip by anyone other than me, I was toast for sure.
Mamoru gave me a wounded look, which took my guard down for just a moment. I knew I was going to end up hurting him… but he brought it upon himself! "I didn't tell anyone, Usagi…"
"Don't. Touch. Me," I bit out and I ignored what he had said and slapped at his outstretched arm, "…and stop calling me by my name!" By this time, I had backed myself up against the railing and my hair was stuck to my face because of the tears that had begun to spill out. What had I gotten myself into here?
"Us- what do you want me to call you then?" he asked with a shaky voice, seemingly oblivious to my hands which were repeatedly slapping at him. Instead, he just wrapped his arms around me and tucked my head under his chin.
"I would never lie to you. I may have my secrets, but I would never lie to you, do you understand me?"
I nodded dumbly, too intoxicated by the warmth that surrounded me. I was confused. I was very, very confused. I thought Luna had been right… which she usually is, but he sounded so very sincere. When I thought about it, Mamoru had never given me a reason not to trust him. With this realization, I turned my face into his chest and let myself cry.
And with vows no maidens heart could
withstand,
they pledged their faith to me.
"Sorry for ruining your shirt," I mumbled, reaching up to wipe my face with my hands and remove the hair that was nearly plastered on my cheeks. I was a mess.
Mamoru leaned back a
little to look down on me and then let out a laugh. "Don't worry about it; I
have plenty to spare." He then leaned forward again and I could feel his breath
against my forehead.
I was very still as I felt his lips briefly touch my skin and then leave a soft
trail down my face with hot, feathery kisses… until he reached my mouth and
then stopped.
He was close, so very close. I could smell a hint of cologne on him; his arms were still wrapped around me, and the railing pressed into my back, and there were still goose bumps on my arms. However, instead of being a result from the wind, the bumps were accompanied by a small shiver of anticipation and hesitation.
"We can't do this, Mamoru…" I whispered softly as I watched his mouth draw closer to mine and then halt once more. His lips were so close now that I could smell a hint of mint on his breath. Only an inch or so and I could press my own mouth against his. I briefly wondered how that would feel… my first, real kiss… before reality delivered me a reality check.
"Stop," I said, pushing his chest away from me. "…this won't work."
"Why not?" Mamoru breathed quietly, releasing his hold on my body to cup my face in his hands.
"You know why…" a lump formed in my throat. Was this my destiny? To be a senshi meant that I had to be totally devoted to my mission, the princess. This was life that I was meant to lead… one that did not involve Mamoru. He would just end up getting in the way, or worse, being used against me if the enemy ever got their hands on him. Yes, I attempted to convince myself, it would be better in the long run.
"This won't work…" I
struggled to keep my voice even, "because I am Sailormoon. I have a mission, a
very important mission, and you could end up getting hurt, or worse, taken by
the Dark Kingdom." I let out a shaky breath. "I
wouldn't be able to stand seeing you hurt or taken away from me, Mamoru."
My vision began to blur with tears and I pulled my face away to clear them.
"And… I care about you, Mamoru, I care about you too
much for you to be involved with my life. We are different people and it would
just be better if we just stayed… friends."
And
I dreamt that one of that noble host
came forth my hand to claim.
"I don't think I can do that, Usako…"
Mamoru crushed me to his chest once again, "You and I have more in common than
you think."
"What?"
"Have you never wondered about a few things?" There was a mischievous demeanour
to him now as he dragged his hands down my sides, pausing ever so slightly
around my breasts before continuing downward to the soft flesh of my stomach.
"Like… how I…" he paused to kiss the last remnants of a bruise on my upper left
shoulder, "…knew exactly when…" this time he pulled the neck of my tank top
down a little to press his lips to my clavicle where I had badly injured myself
a few months ago after a vicious youma, "…you had a battle?" Mamoru finished by
pulling my knuckles to his face and kissing the tops of them and then he stared
back up at me.
I didn't say anything. The gears were working overtime in my head, not that they
were doing any good at the moment. I returned his stare with a blank one.
"Alright," he grinned, swiftly grabbing me under the knees and holding me within his grasp. With a startled cry I latched out and hung my arms around his neck; he was awfully tall and the ground was a ways down there.
"How about…" he continued, "…you think of a certain birthday party you
attended a few weeks ago where you fell off the balcony."
"Yeah," I retorted, squirming until he set my feet back on the ground. "… I
don't remember that much of it. I drank some bitter punch or something. Are you
going somewhere with this?" Of course I had drunk punch, but not so much that I
didn't remember what had happened. I remembered that night all too clearly,
from a sweeping waltz with Tuxedo Kamen to a beautiful dream that eerily
resembled a dream that I had.
Mamoru looked a little hurt at this question. "Do you not remember that kiss?"
"N-no…" It was finally beginning to sink in. "No!" I repeated myself
once more. It couldn't be true! I shook my head and took a step back. "You
can't be him! You're nothing like him!" Ooh, this wasn't good… was it? Finding
out that someone, who you once thought of as your mortal enemy, is really the
guy you've been swooning over for the past year?
My heart thudded loudly as I watched him pull two items from his pants pocket.
One of them was a very red rose, and the other… he held out to me.
With shaking fingers I grasped the domino mask and held it up to Mamoru's face.
It was true… he wasn't lying; those
deep blue eyes were unmistakable. Mamoru really was… Tuxedo Kamen-sama?
The last thing I remember is letting out a soft sigh before my knees buckled and my vision went dark.
When I finally came
to, the first thing I noticed was that my head was resting in a comfortable
pillow. Then, I looked up to see Mamoru's face. It wasn't a dream… he really was my beloved Tuxedo Kamen!
"You took that better than I expected you to!" Mamoru exclaimed as I gave him a
soft smile. Somehow, knowing that my hero and my baka were one and the same was
not as distressing as I thought it would have been… once I got past the initial
shock factor, that is.
"Why? How did you expect me to take it?" With help from Mamoru, I pulled myself
up and on to my feet.
"Oh, I don't know… I was expecting to come away with cuts and bruises… and maybe a chocolate milkshake on top of my head?"
Ooh, I winced slightly, squeezing his hand. "Did I ever apologize for
that?"
"No," Mamoru gave me hand a squeeze in return, "but that's alright. Just…
please don't do it again! By the time I got home, my hair was stuck together in
clumps. It was disgusting!"
But I also dreamt which charmed me
most
that you loved me still the same.
The sun had long ago set and I was nestled comfortably on Mamoru's lap on top of the roof of his apartment building. He had mentioned that there was a spectacular view from up there, better than the one from the bridge. So, of course I had to go and see for myself.
It was a clear and
cool night. Mamoru had stopped by his apartment to grab a blanket before we
went up.
"What's the matter? You've been quiet for a while now."
I leaned back into Mamoru and let a small smile flicker across my mouth. This
had certainly been an interesting night.
"Don't you think this is a little too… weird?" I asked quietly. "Don't get me
wrong, I like how it is at the moment… but don't you wonder how all of this
fits together? Doesn't it seem like some huge coincidence that you are Tuxedo
Kamen and I am Sailormoon?"
There was a pause and my heart began to beat a little faster. What if I was the
only one who felt like this?
"No…" Mamoru answered finally, "I don't think that it was a coincidence; I
think it was fate. I should have caught on earlier that you were Sailormoon;
the similarities between the two of you are now very obvious. It makes me
wonder whether the princess is right under my nose and I just haven't figured
it out yet."
This last comment made me ponder for a moment. The subject of the princess had
always been a sore subject between Sailormoon and Tuxedo Kamen. It seemed like
finding the girl from the moon had always meant more to him than it did to me.
For me, finding the princess meant that I would no longer be leader. And, as
much as I was a horrible leader at times, just knowing that the others counted
on me and needed me made me feel… stronger, more confident. There couldn't be
two people representing the moon, could there? If the princess was found, then
I would be pushed to the side.
"I am so selfish…" I
muttered out loud, letting out a sigh. "I don't think I want to find the
princess."
"Why not?"
"Well, there can't be two people from the moon, can there? She would take
precedence as she's royalty. Me, I'm just stumbling, whiney, cry-baby… Usagi;
I'm nothing important, nothing special."
"You're special to me." Mamoru pointed out. This made me feel a little better
until I realized that….
"Only until you find the princess, Mamoru. I remember
what you said after a battle one day… she's the key to figuring out who you really
are. She has to be important to you, Mamoru, I understand that. The princess
has to be someone very special to have a whole team of senshi to protect her."
"Don't worry; we have to find the ginzuishou first before we can find the
princess." He said that all a little too unconvincingly.
Ha, right. And then I know what will happen. I will be tossed aside once we
find the princess. It wasn't fair.
"You can trust me,
you know, Usagi. You are something special to me." Mamoru said finally after
another lapse of silence. There was that word again, trust. Mamoru said it, Luna said it… did
it really mean something then? Perhaps I was a little too naïve in thinking
that everyone could be trusted, well, nearly everyone, the Dark Kingdom does not count.
"You know, Mamoru, what you say is one thing, but what Luna says is another.
She does not trust you. The other senshi don't trust you, and I've been told
more than once not to trust you, but I do it anyways. How do you know that you
just won't run off with her once we find her? The senshi need her too!"
Mamoru did not say anything, so I continued on. "You know, I'll bet she's the
most beautiful person in the world. She's a princess; she has you looking for
her. If I were you, I wouldn't want to stay with pathetic Usagi either after
finding a beautiful creature."
"She is very beautiful," Mamoru whispered softly. He hands had long ago stopped
wrapping my hair around his fingers. In fact, he hadn't even touched me at all
since we began talking about the princess.
"How do you know that?"
"I've… dreamt about her," Mamoru breathed softly, distractedly. "I've dreamt
about her since I was a little boy and she asked me to find the ginzuishou for
her. I would, do anything to just find her so that I could see her in the flesh.
I've only caught a glimpse of her face once, huge blue eyes that glittered with
tears, and long, beautiful blonde hair. Her skin is…"
I tuned Mamoru out after that. I had heard all that I needed to hear. That girl
from my dream… she had to be the moon
princess. Granted, I have never been able to really make out her face, but I
knew that she had blonde hair that was long and beautiful. I knew that she had
large blue eyes. The man in the dream had commented on these attributes many
times.
"I think I should go now." I announced out loud. Why was it that anything
really good that went on in my life had to spoil? I had Mamoru, that made me
happy, but to know that he didn't really like me… that I was a substitute until
his princess was found, really hurt. He probably only really liked me because I
had blonde hair and blue eyes.
"Yeah, it's getting late…" Mamoru nudged me to get up so that he could stand up. He didn't even want me to stay! "So, I'll see you tomorrow then?"
A large lump had
formed in my throat once again, and I didn't want to open my mouth for fear
that I would cry. So, I nodded instead and held the blanket out to him, pushing
it into his outstretched hands, and making a dash for the propped open door.
"Usako, wait!" Mamoru cried out as I pulled the door open. I paused, a tiny
part of me hoping that he would reassure me and tell me that I was the one who
was really special. I jumped when I felt his cold hands rest on my shoulders
and turned me around to face him.
"Don't worry, Usagi. As much as the princess is important to me, you will
always be the one for me. You're here now, and the princess… I know that she
has something to do with my past. I want to move forward with you, Usako, not backward."
My hormones kicked into gear as he bent down towards my mouth again. One kiss
couldn't hurt, right? Even if he did run off with the princess, I would always
have this moment where I was the one he wanted.
My arms crept upwards to reach behind his neck, helping me to pull myself
towards him. This was it, my first kiss with Mamoru. The one with Tuxedo Kamen
didn't count, as I was Sailormoon then. But now… now it was just me and him.
When our lips touched, I actually thought I had died and gone to heaven. I
pressed against him harder, running my tongue over his bottom lip. I could feel
the blood rushing to my head, as a sudden roar filled my ears. I closed my eyes
and just let myself savour the feel of his lips against mine.
that you loved me
you loved me still the same.
Then, as suddenly as the kiss had come on, it was finished. Not because we had decided to end it, but because Mamoru had slumped against me. The ground was sharp under my knees as they buckled under the weight of Mamoru. What the heck was going on?
A piercing, maniacal laughter filled my ears and I looked to the sound to find Zoicite and Kunzite standing a few feet away. My head began to spin as Kunzite threw his head back to join in the laughter. What was so funny?
It was then I
realized that I was warm and wet at the same time. I moved my gaze downward,
slowly, afraid of what I was going to see.
The back of Mamoru's shirt was stained crimson and I gingerly pressed a finger
to it only to have it come away sticky. It was blood. They had hurt Mamoru!
Quickly, I pushed the man off of my shoulder and he slid down into my lap.
"Mamoru?" I asked tearfully, my shaky hands brushing
the hair out of his pain stricken face. "Mamoru!" I
said a little more urgently, shaking him until his eyes fluttered open.
"Are you okay?" I nodded to reassure him, and myself, that he was going to be
fine. Why didn't I hear him cry out? Why had I let my guard down for a second?
I knew something was going to happen… the Dark Kingdom had been quiet for far too long. Why hadn't
I done something?
"What do you want,
Zoicite!" I snarled, cupping Mamoru's cheek in my palm. His skin had become
cooler to the touch and he was beginning to look quite pale. I had to do
something before he bled to death!
Zoicite brushed his hair from his shoulder and took a step forward, a sick grin
spread across his face. "I came for your Tuxedo Kamen. Queen Beryl-sama wants him, so you are going to hand him over!"
"I don't think so!" I cried out, grabbing my communicator and holding down the
'talk' button. If I couldn't call out to them, without having my identity
revealed, then they would be smart enough to just listen to what was going on.
"It'll be alright, Mamoru… just hang on!" I whispered to him. "Just let me call
the others for help and I'll get you to the hospital!"
Mamoru shook his head. "Just, don't worry… about me" he rasped out, wincing a
little. He grabbed my hand, which felt so hot under his cool skin, and pressed
his lips to it. "I think that… I should say Ashi-"
No, no, no! I shook my head, letting the tears fall
down my face. This wasn't happening! This couldn't be happening! "Shut up,
baka! You don't know what you're saying…" I tried to say lightly, but I could
only watch as his eyes fluttered closed for the last time.
"Mamoru!" I cried out, bending down to kiss his forehead. I knew that Kunzite and Zoicite were quickly approaching me, but I couldn't do anything except sit there and hold Mamoru.
My life wasn't fair! Not only was I destined to be a senshi, but the only person who had ever made me feel both happy and sad and angry at the same time, was gone! He would never have a chance to find his princess! He would never be able to hold her in his arms, as I was doing now, and tell her that he loved her. I sniffled a little and then let out a heart-wrenching howl of anguish… despair… and sorrow.
"Usagi…" four voices
cried out simultaneously, and I knew that the senshi were here. But, it was too
late, wasn't it? I looked up to the faces of my four friends and tried to smile
through my tears, but it was too difficult.
"Mamoru…" I whispered brokenly, grasping his cool hand and staring down at him.
I wished that I had one more day with him… for him to tease me, for him to call
me 'odango atama', for me to yell at him, and for me to tell him… "Ashiteru, Mamo-chan…." I
whispered endearingly, letting my eyes close as a dull burning sensation began
to eat away at my forehead.
Memories flew through my mind, some of them of Mamoru and me, some of the
senshi and I, and some… of the princess and the moon. It wasn't until one final
memory flickered that I realized why I had loved Mamo-chan
and Tuxedo Kamen-sama so much….
"Endymion!" I breathed,
opening my eyes once the pain had subsided.
that you loved me
you loved me still the same.
AN: Ugh, I really hate these things, but apparently a few people were confused over the first chapter (imagine that). I thought the song fit appropriately to what unfolded over the chapter. First, I think I need to explain that when I write songfics, I do not write the story to reiterate the lyrics. It really annoys me when I see songfics like that. I think they are unoriginal and slightly painful to read. In my opinion, the purpose of putting a song to a piece of work is to back up the emotions, characterization, or the movement of the plot with lyrics. Occasionally, some of my story may run alongside the lyrics, but it is never word for word all the way through.
Right, so the main idea or theme to 'Storms in Africa' is perseverance through life. The weather in Africa has its ups and its down and when it is up, it is up: sunny and hot, and when it is down, it is down: harsh winds, thunder, lightening, and violent rain. So if the story does not take place in Africa, the point of it is? The point is that no matter where you are, who you are, or what you do, your life has its ups and its down. The journey of life is about perseverance through these difficulties and being able to lift your chin up (having determination) while doing so.
In relation to this first part of the fic, Mamoru faces a 'storm cloud' when he runs into Usagi. On one hand, he has his calling to the Senshi, his life as the hero, Tuxedo Kamen. On the other hand, he is Mamoru Chiba, an average, everyday chap who struggles through day-to-day life as everyone else does. Mamoru's conflict arises when he sees that Usagi is wounded, and he knows that he should take care of her… it is in his nature, but his sense of duty is also being pressured.
Mamoru's journey through the storm is expressed through his conversation with Usagi. When he finally breaks through the storm, at the end of the chapter, he finds that as bad as the storm was, the new day and days to come are going to be as bright as it was dark.
This is probably some obscure symbolism, but you can thank my nit-picky English teachers from high school for that.
As for this part, Marble Halls is used as a second 'story' within this story. I think that the lyrics to this song portray a version of the Selenity/Endymion love epic quite well. I say 'a version' because there's no real definition to the background of their history. It has been left up to the imagination.
You'll also notice that this part is a bit longer… double the number of words longer and nearly double the pages longer, than the last part. Once I hit the climatic tension point with Usagi and Mamoru on the bridge, everything came pouring out. It was a bit of an emotional scene to write and I hope that it came across as such. I attempted to capture how Usagi would be feeling… at fourteen, with an older guy, mixed feelings, and another identity or two to boot.
Marble Halls
Alfred Bunn
I dreamt I dwelt in marble halls
with vassals and serfs at my side,
and of all who assembled within those walls
that I was the hope and the pride.
I had riches all too great to count
and a high ancestral name.
But I also dreamt which pleased
me most
that you loved me still the same,
that you loved me
you loved me still the same,
that you loved me
you loved me still the same.
I dreamt that suitors sought my hand,
that knights upon bended knee
and with vows no maidens heart could
withstand,
they pledged their faith to me.
And I dreamt that one of that noble host
came forth my hand to claim.
But I also dreamt which charmed
me most
that you loved me still the same
that you loved me
you loved me still the same,
that you loved me
you loved me still the same.