Chapter 21: Sirius's Friend's Dilemma
I always hem and haw about how to write Remus. So, I just let my muse take over and write what she wants. Then I go back and beef it up a bit. I have a love/hate relationship with the man. I won't go into the reasons why. I'm sure some of you have your own.
Thanks for all the reviews.
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Remus had been in the cell for about three days now, and his emotions were all over the place. He was a broken man. Guilt was the most predominant, though there was anger there as well. He just couldn't get pass the fact that he had been used so badly. He had been such a schmuck. He listened to everything Albus Dumbledore told him, like the man was a god.
The papers were shrewd all around him. He had read them over and over again. He had memorized each word until they were blazoned upon his mind. It had taken days, but he wanted to make sure that he understood what he was reading. He wanted to see what he could do to prevent him from sliding back into the comfort zone that Albus had created for him. Now that his eyes were open, he didn't want to go back there.
He had also rethought everything he and Sirius had debated over the years. Even during the last war Sirius had not been a Dumbledore fan. Sirius always questioned the orders they were given. His friend had killed when the headmaster had told them not to. It had always been a bone of contention between them. James had always been on the fence, but he had never taken a life. He never ridiculed Sirius for taking one either. Remus had.
He had even received the Daily Prophet while he 'languished' in this cell. The article about the potioning of the students at Hogwarts was another eyeopener. He had to wonder if his class had been potioned as well. He didn't know if they had. He never smelled any, but if it was given in something like the strong-smelling pumpkin juice, which he had never had before Hogwarts, so never smelled it before, then that might have masked it. The taste as well.
The questions the man in white had asked really struck a nerve in him. He knew the man was right. There had never been another werewolf to go to Hogwarts after, or even before, him. It was wrong, and that did make him a lapdog. He was always so dependent on the headmaster thanks to giving him an education. He put his own independence aside and relied on the kindness of a man who used him.
The alpha in him rose at these thoughts. That part of him always had rebelled at the submissive nature that Remus exuded towards the old man. It never liked showing its belly and made that perfectly clear during the full moons by hurting itself, making the human side of him pay. He was still fighting that side of him, like he had all his life. However, it was winning now.
Tom came to the cell. He had just left Harry and Sirius and wanted to see how Lupin was faring. He had had the elves bring the man some clothes the first day. The man had also been left unchained, he was simply locked in. He wondered if he had heard the crying of Umbridge that night she had been brought in, but he doubted it since they were on opposite sides of the dungeons. Then again, werewolves had excellent hearing.
"Lupin," Tom said, this time staying outside the cell. Not that he feared the wolf, but he wasn't up to socializing. He would carry on his conversation here. If Lupin was still being rebellious, he would just leave.
Remus was too caught up in his thoughts to notice him approaching, so he jumped when his name was called. "Yes," the werewolf said, looking at the man, who was now dressed in green and silver. He looked like he had just come from somewhere important.
"Have you read the folder?" Tom asked, conjuring a chair, and sitting in it. He crossed his legs and got comfortable. He knew he might be in for a debate and wanted to be at ease for it.
Remus sat on the bed and looked at the man. "Who are you?"
"You may call me Tom," Tom said with a small wave of his hand. "I know that that folder gave you a lot to think about but let me give you a few things more. Albus Dumbledore left Harry Potter in an abusive home for fourteen years. He left your best friend in the worst prison for just about as long. He had the power to get both of them out," he said, placing his elbows on his knees and leaned forward a bit.
"I know," Remus said, thoroughly disenchanted with the headmaster. "You don't need to convince me any further," he said, his voice torn with guilt.
"Why do you sound so torn up about it?" Tom asked, not sure if the werewolf truly understood. Brainwashing wasn't so easily overcome. It should have taken weeks, if not months of reprograming.
"I've known for a while now," Remus said, looking down at his hands. "I was just lying to myself," he stated, tears forming in his eyes. "I didn't want to admit that I was wrong. That I had been wrong for so many years. I am worthless as a friend and a werewolf." There was an inner part of him that was growling at him for showing such weakness to a stranger.
"Get over yourself, wolf," Voldemort snapped, not one for pity parties. "The entire wizarding world is duped by Albus bloody Dumbledore. You are not special." The last thing he wanted was to hold the man's hand.
"I know," Remus said, still looking at his hands in guilt. He ignored the part of him that said to stand up and be a man about all this.
"I will let you go," Tom said, deciding to let the man hang himself on his own guilt, and getting up and going to the cell door. "I suggest you go to your friends and ask for forgiveness," he said, opening the door and handing him a coin. "This is a portkey. Take it when you've left the building. The activation word is 'home'." He told Harry that he would clear the man of potions and deprogram him. He did both, the results were not his fault.
"You are going to let me know where I've been? Aren't you afraid I'll bring back the Aurors?" Remus asked, taking the coin, and pocketing it. He wasn't sure where the coin would take him, probably to whomever had him kidnapped in the first place. He decided to forgive them for that. He was sure it was Sirius. That man was always worried about him.
"No. What would you tell them? That I kidnapped you and made you read?" Voldy said, looking at him like he had asked something stupid.
"Right," the werewolf said, nodding his head to his kidnapper, and going up the stairs that were to the right of the cells. He didn't recognize where he was, but he saw the front door. He left and activated the coin once he was clear of the building. He was whisked away to Grimmuald Place, proving he was right, and Sirius had a hand in his kidnapping. He landed right outside the door. He stood there for a long time.
Now that he was out of that cell, he was unsure as to what to do or think. Could he face Albus with his new outlook? Could he face his friends? He wasn't sure. He was a coward. He had been running from himself and the truth all his life. He didn't know if he could face up to it now.
The choice was taken out of his hands when the door opened.
"Are you going to stand there all night?" Sirius asked, looking warily at his friend.
"No," Remus said, coming in the door, his eyes on the floor.
"I'm glad you are okay. Tonks has been worried about you," Sirius said, clapping him on the back. "We have too," he added, not wanting him to think they hadn't.
"I was fine," Remus said, still looking at the floor. He made his way to the study, where he could smell the others. He knew now that Sirius hadn't been worried because he knew where he had been, and who he had been with. That made him feel confused, and better for some reason.
Tonks got up as soon as she saw him and ran to hug him. He did not return the hug. She noticed this and let him go.
"What happened to you?" she asked very concerned over his behavior. Usually, he at least attempted to return some form of affection.
"My eyes were opened," he said, finally looking up to see all the concerned faces looking at him. "I have been so blind," he added, tears filling his eyes. Now that he was here among friends, he felt he could release some of those built-up emotions.
"About what?" Harry asked, hoping the man was talking about Dumbledore. Tom did say he was going to try and disillusion the man towards the headmaster. Looks like he succeeded.
"I have been being used by the headmaster," Remus said, breaking down into tears. He felt violated. He sank into the sofa and put his face in his hands and rested his elbows on his knees.
Tonks put her arm around him. She had never seen a man so devastated before. She wasn't sure what was going on, but it looked like the last few days had been hard on Remus.
Sirius wasn't sure how to handle this. He wasn't used to men showing their emotions in such a manner. He was more used to them just bucking up and moving on.
"Merlin, Mr. Lupin, pull yourself together," Harry said, not too harshly, but not one to mince words. He was also unused to men showing emotions. If he had ever done that in front of the Dursleys, they would have ridiculed him. Heck, they did that when he got angry, he hated to see what they would do if he had a nervous breakdown. "I know it must have been rough, but you can't afford to break down now," he added, putting his hand on the man's shoulder. He was trying to be supportive.
"Come on, Moony, you're freaking us out," Sirius said, going and getting the man a glass of firewhiskey. "I would not have had you kidnapped if I thought you would break," he confessed, shoving the glass in the man's hand.
"You had him kidnapped?!" Tonks yelled, still sitting with her arms around Remus.
"I wanted to see if he was potioned, and couldn't do it to him here," Sirius said, quite seriously. "Tom took him to Malfoy's place and gave him a purging potion," he added, nodding to the man, who was still trying to pull himself together.
"Who is Tom?" Remus asked, grabbing on to the fact that everyone in the room seemed to know the man.
"You have to take a vow before we can tell you," Tonks said, reluctantly. She didn't want to keep secrets from the man, especially since he seemed to be going through something traumatic.
"I don't think I can handle keeping any secrets right now," the werewolf said, looking at all the serious faces. He was glad they were there and trying to be supportive. That voice in his head was howling loudly that he needed to quit showing his vulnerability. It was time to put on his big boy pants and face life with eyes open.
"Then all we can tell you is that he is working against Dumbledore and we're working with him," Harry said, getting up and moving away from the man. He didn't want to be near him right now. It wasn't that he thought he was weak, it was that he didn't want to be near the werewolf if he decided to support Dumbledore after all.
"I don't understand, working against Dumbledore? I get that the headmaster has done some wrong deeds, but there is a movement actively working against him?" Remus asked, gulping some of his firewhiskey.
"You've read the paper lately?" Sirius asked, knowing Tom would have used that to deprogram Remus.
"Yes, and it did make me question a lot of our school years," the man said, looking at Sirius in a new light.
"There you go," the dogman said, waving his hand in accompaniment of his words. "A movement actively against the man who is potioning the student body," he added, taking a sip of his drink.
"Yes, there is that and more. And if you don't take the vow, you can't join us. Perhaps it would be too much for you anyway," Tonks said, not realizing that she was calling the wolf side of him weak.
Inside the werewolf a voice growled at the slight. Remus did his best to quash it, but it grew louder and louder with each word or gesture at his weakness. That and it was so close to the full moon. It was always harder to control the wolf during that time.
"Remus, the full moon is tomorrow. Do you have a place to go?" Sirius asked, as if reading his mind, and changing the subject.
"No, my last place was destroyed by Greyback," Remus said, not sure why that werewolf always found his shelters and destroyed them. He had been doing it for as long as he could remember. It was as if Greyback wanted him to be free to infect others, which is probably true.
"I have a cell in the basement. You can stay there," Sirius said, getting up to show him the way. "Feel free to crash here, on the first floor, until then," he added, moving to the door.
"Thanks, Sirius," Moony said, feeling lucky to have such great friends. He still didn't know what he was going to do, or how he was going to handle Albus, but here he didn't have to worry about it. He got up to follow his friend to where he'd be sleeping tonight and tomorrow.
He might not be in on the secret, but he understood that without a vow, there were some things that he could not know. And that was okay with him, for now.
"Tonks," Harry said, looking at the pink-haired woman, "Do you like Mr. Lupin?" he asked, not sure why he wanted to know.
"I thought I did," she answered, looking at the door the two men just walked out of.
"And now?" the teen asked, watching her face.
"I'm not sure. He seems different now. Broken somehow. I want to be there for him, but I don't want to be there for him. Do you understand that?" she asked, looking at him with a confused look on her face.
"No, but it looks like you don't either," Harry said, his tone caring.
"No, but when I do, I'll let you know," she said, with a wink, and then left the room.
"Boy, am I glad I'm not in a complicated relationship," Harry said to no one. He too left the room to go to bed.
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The next day Harry and Sirius went to Gringotts to take a look at Harry's finances. They met Tom, who was coming out of the bank as they were coming in.
"Tom, what are you doing here?" Harry said, shaking the man's hand.
"Harry," Tom greeted him, and nodded in Sirius's direction. "I had something to do here," he said with a wink. He had just emptied Umbridge's vault into his. He tried to put it in Harry's, but he didn't have authorization. The only reason he could empty Umbridge's was that she was dead with no heir or will. He couldn't do anything with Harry's because he was a minor and Tom was not his guardian. So, it was fortunate that they were meeting now. "It is a good thing we are meeting now," he said, voicing his thoughts, "I have some things to discuss with you," he said, waving them to follow him back into the bank.
"Oh?" Harry questioned, following behind the man he was quickly considering an uncle.
"I need to see what is going on with your account. I don't think anything nefarious is happening, I trust the goblins, but it is better to check," Tom said, going to the nearest teller.
Sirius was getting miffed at being sidelined. "Hello to you too, Tom," he said, sarcastically.
"Yes, hello, Sirius," Tom said, absentmindedly, going up to the teller and asking for the Potter account manager.
"Do you have an appointment?" the goblin asked, looking up from where he was writing in a ledger.
Tom looked to Sirius.
"Yes, we do," the dogman said with a smirk. He had owled them when they finished with Bones yesterday. He wasn't foolish enough to come without one.
"Very well," the goblin said, waving them to the doors to the left. They moved to said doors. Another goblin met them there, and led them down the stone corridors. They soon came to the doors of the office they needed. The goblin opened them without knocking.
"Harry Potter and his party," he announced and then left.
"Come in and sit," the goblin behind the large full desk said as he scribbled away on some parchment. The three of them did just that and waited a few minutes for him to finish his task. "What can Gringotts do for you today?" the goblin asked, looking up at Harry.
"I wanted to know the state of my finances," Harry said, leaning forward a bit in anticipation.
"Hasn't your guardian been keeping you abreast of such matters?" was the question from the confused goblin.
"No," was the confused answer as Harry looked at Sirius.
"I am his guardian and I have not received any of his statements since my release," his godfather said, holding up his hands in a 'what can I do' manner.
"I believe he means Dumbledore," Tom said, with some snideness.
"Oh, well, then no. I've never spoken to the headmaster about my finances," Harry said, looking back to his account manager. "Can I have your name?" he asked, not liking talking to someone without proper introduction.
"You may call me Sharptooth," the goblin said with a wicked grin, showing where he got his name with rows and rows of sharp teeth.
"Okay, Sharptooth, since we've confirmed that Dumbledore dropped the quaffle, so to speak, can we get to what the damages are?" Harry said, not liking what he was hearing.
"Do not be so worried. Though the headmaster was your guardian, he had no control over your finances without cause. Meaning he had to justify any withdrawals with receipts," Sharptooth said, making everyone sigh in relief. "That means he could not come in excessively take money," he reiterated.
"What about the Dursleys?" Harry asked, having been told all his life that he had been a burden on them.
"There had been attempts on withdrawals from the account for them. However, they could not prove they were spending any money on you," Sharptooth stated, looking at the boy who didn't look like he was suffering now, but he remembered the reports of his first time in the bank and how the boy had been said to look like a street urchin.
"So what is his balance since his last statement?" Tom asked, wondering if the Potters were well off.
"As of this month the main vault is just over one million galleons," the goblin said, rounding it up. "The trust vault is just under one thousand galleons," he stated, looking at his ledger.
"See, I could have made that donation," Harry said, looking at the two men.
"What donation?" Sharptooth asked, looking at Harry.
"To the DMLE, for 100,000 galleons," the teen answered, still putout that he was denied the chance to do so.
"No, you could not have," the goblin said, deflating his balloon.
"Why?"
"Because you cannot touch your main vault until your majority," was the answer.
"That bites," Harry said, not sure how he felt about that.
"I have some money I want to add to Harry's account," Tom said, looking to Sirius, who was his guardian.
"What money?" the man asked warily.
"Just some money from a toad," Tom said casually, winking at Harry.
"Oh," Harry and Sirius said, with different degrees of surprise.
"I'm not sure that Harry needs to have money from a toad," Sirius said, not liking the fact that Tom wanted dirty money in Harry's vault. What if it was somehow linked to where it came from? Then Harry could get in trouble. Then again, there shouldn't be any trail. Maybe he was just being paranoid.
"I have no need of it," the Dark Lord said, glaring at the man for denying him some form of gift to Harry.
"Fine," Sirius said, not sure why he bothered to try to fight the man in the first place.
Tom and the goblin did the transaction, and two million galleons were transferred to Harry's vault, making the teen much richer than before.
Harry, of course, wasn't sure how to take that, having been poor all his life.
The three parted at the steps and went to their separate abodes. Harry and Sirius were at Grimmuald Place. Sirius was going to keep Remus company for the full moon. They were locking themselves in the basement to protect the residents of the house.
Tom was calling a few of his minions to search Fudge's office. He wanted those ledgers. He knew that taking the man in front of the Wizengamot would be tricky since most of them were on the take as well. But if he had proof, then it would be easier. Or maybe he could just kill the man and be done with it. His vow said minimal killing. He was down one. So, two was still minimal, right?