a/n: Thanks to all you readers who believed in me—I know the last two chapters were trying in some ways, but we got through! Thanks to sallene for previewing this for me!!

Red Dawn

It was 4 am when he pulled up to the house, after a long flight and a drive from the airport. Sark entered the house noiselessly.

No one stirred. He didn't want them to know he was back yet. He left his bag by the front door, and quietly climbed the stairs.

Sydney had her own room here, next to Ilene's. The door was shut. Sark wrapped his hand around the doorknob and turned it slowly.

She was asleep, unaware of the intrusion. Sark's eyes softened at the sight of her. She lay on her side with one hand tucked under her head. Her hair was spread out over her pillow. She didn't have a smile on her face—instead, she looked . . . tired. Sad.

He wondered what she dreamt.

Sark slowly moved to the four-post bed, and sat on the mattress. He leaned against the posts marking the end of the bed, and just watched her.

His heart was beating faster and faster. He swallowed hard and blinked.

She is so beautiful. Not just in appearance . . . He'd been near a beautiful woman, one who wanted him completely. But Kora wasn't what his heart ached for.

Sydney was.

How could I have been so stupid? Why did I leave her, not telling her that I love her?

Sark had felt confused for so long. He'd forgotten . . . everything. He sighed quietly, leaning his head back on the post.

Sydney first started to accept him after their unpleasant experience in Burma. He remembered when they kissed after the mudslide. He remembered how she fought, in vain though, to have Vaughn release him.

She came to him, after he found his family. She kept his secrets.

When Ilene was kidnapped, Sydney helped him. She backed him up with the rescue. She protected his sister when he foolishly went along with Irina's plan. And when he was caught by Strachen, even though he deserved it to an extent, Sydney came for him.

But it wasn't just her heroics. She kept coming to him, willing to give their complicated lives a try together, even when they both weren't sure if it'd work. And when she started to wonder if it was hopeless, it didn't stop her from helping him find his family.

He smiled to himself. You fool. Don't ever let her go.

She stirred in her bed. Sydney turned on her stomach, stretching out so both of her arms slid under her pillow.

A smile still tugged at his lips. Sark breathed out a deep breath and leaned back, ready for now to fall asleep just in her presence.

It wasn't long before red rays started to shine through her bedroom window. The sun rose early, even for summer, but the beautiful red and pink rays spilled through the room and over his skin.

It spilled over Sydney too. As if she wasn't beautiful enough already.She stirred again, this time lying on her back. He heard her sigh out in her sleep, and he sat up straighter.

Her eyes started to flutter as the dawn shone over her face. She looked to the window, and then her gaze wandered.

When it fell on him, Sark smiled.

"Sark?" she whispered. She seemed confused, not that he was surprised.

"Yes, Sydney. It's me." She started to sit up, leaning against her pillows.

"What . . . I thought you were in the Bahamas," she said. Her morning voice was cute, Sark decided. It was groggy but the spy in her tried to make sense of the situation even in the early hours.

"I wasn't where I wanted to be," he said. "Or with whom I wanted to be."

She didn't smile right away. It was as if she were trying to discern the truth, or what made him come back. The change in him must have been evident, and it threw her off.

"What happened?"

He glanced down at the sheets, then back at her large brown eyes. "A lot," he said simply. She raised an eyebrow at that. Sark leaned toward her and kissed her forehead. "Go back to sleep. We'll talk later."

--------

Sark hadn't been this upbeat since …

It'd been a while. Sydney sat at the kitchen table, watching as he chattered with his family.

They were completely surprised that Sark came back early. They were also thrilled.

Calvin stood up and took some dishes to the sink. Ilene quickly leaned towards her brother.

"Jul, did you get the boat?"

Sark winced, and Sydney had to raise an eyebrow at that.

"We'll buy it online. He won't know the difference." The gleam of mischief in his eyes made Sydney laugh, along with Ilene. It was good to have him back.

Now, did she want him back?

Sark told her before breakfast, before anyone else was awake. He told her about the Bahamas, about a waitress named Kora—the time they spent together. How he fended off and eventually killed muggers; how he kissed Kora.

Sydney hadn't said a word to him since then. Am I angry?

She was hurt. The throbbing in her chest told her that.

But at least he confided in you. He opened up, which was a novelty in and of itself. He'd told her how he was so confused about what he wanted, not from a relationship with some waitress, but what he wanted for him out of life. What he wanted to be and make his life into something he truly desired. She listened to it all.

Breakfast was dispersing, so Sydney excused herself and went outside. The backyard was large and simple. It had a great view of undeveloped land beyond the city. Sydney sat down in the grass and just stared ahead, her back to Sark's family home.

One thing bothered her about Sark's . . . confession. It wasn't a confession. He just told her what happened. He hadn't asked for forgiveness.

Shouldn't he have? It was like he didn't think he'd done anything wrong! And the way he blabbered on at breakfast---

No remorse.

Sydney shifted back and lay down on the grass, staring at the unblemished sky and feeling the pure sunshine on her face. She sighed heavily.

Why did he have to leave? Why did he have to "spend time" with some woman, making out with her? All just to come running back to me.

Am I not good enough for him as I am? Or did he see me as too complicated? So he had to find someone new . . .

She gulped back a lump in her throat, and cleared her eyes. A bird flew overhead, chirping as it darted to a perch in a tree. Another one followed, but darted around freely as it saw fit.

Was it freedom? He left because he wanted to be unburned? Am I a burden? She shook her head immediately, but then thought about his family.

Did he just want to be alone, really?

If so, why did he find the first girl that he could? Her blood began to run hotly through her veins.

Do I really feel betrayed? She closed her eyes and just lay on the grass without thinking for a moment. She turned off the constant stream of thoughts in her mind and focused on everything around her.

She could still hear those birds, and also the wind as it rustled the lush leaves. The blades of grass embedded themselves in her skin, poking her calves and arms. The sun was getting strong, and she could almost feel the heat in waves.

She opened her eyes again, but didn't move.

He cared enough to tell me. He was honest, even blunt but not to hurt me. Did she admire that?

Sydney slowly stood up, brushing off pieces of grass. She turned back to the house, and froze.

From one of the bedrooms was a figure—someone watching her from the window.

It was Sark, she knew. His figure was leaning against the window frame, just watching her. She stared at his shadow, and then she saw him look down. Slowly he moved away, deeper inside the house.

Maybe he is feeling a little guilty.

-------

The following days between them were tense. Sydney avoided talking to him without being too obvious, and he didn't force it.

But it was tiring her. She tried to banish the issue for awhile, as she and Ilene went shopping for the bride-to-be's wedding dress.

"Only a month away, Syd," Ilene said, her lips stretched in the widest smile imaginable. "I can hardly wait."

Sydney laughed, trying to shake the somber mood she'd been in. If nothing else, it was for Ilene's benefit. Her "happy day" was coming, and Sydney wouldn't be the one to spoil it.

"When does Alan get back?" He was still in London.

"Tomorrow night," Ilene said. She delved into a rack of dresses, all long and encased in thick plastic bags. "Ooooh, Syd, look at this one."

She held up one with puffed sleeves, and an obscene amount of ribbons. Sydney raised an eyebrow at the dress.

"Good thing Anne of Green Gables' style is out," Ilene said with a snicker. She put the dress back. Sydney began browsing, if nothing else than to shorten this trip.

"This is nice," Sydney said. She held up a gown that would be perfect for Ilene's slender form. It had a beaded bodice, and a train that lavished various beadwork as well. Ilene shrugged.

"Nice," she agreed. Sydney put the dress back. "So what's up with you and Julian lately?" Ilene didn't look at Sydney, as if to pass the question off less awkwardly.

Sydney slid some dresses down the rack, moving to find something that could turn the conversation's tide.

"Well," she said, and then sighed. "I don't know."

"Did you guys have a fight?" Ilene asked. Sydney's hands stopped mid-air over the dress racks. She didn't intend to answer that, not knowing how to respond without hurting Ilene, or her perception of Sark.

"I think this dress might be perfect for you," Sydney said quickly. She grabbed the gown in front of her and held it up. It was . . . poofy, but in an elegant way. In reality, she didn't know how good it'd look on Ilene, but it provided the needed distraction.

"Hmm," Ilene said, studying the gown. "I'll try it on." She turned to a rack and plucked a gown off of it. "Here, you try one too."

It took some convincing on Ilene's part, but Sydney consented. It'll distract her from asking about me and Sark.

Sydney was amazed at all the layers in a wedding dress. She always thought the cake was supposed to be the most complex part, but now she knew it all lay within the dress. The gown she tried on was ethereal whiteness, over layer after layer of fluff and itchy, stiff fabric. Amazingly, the result was stunning.

Strategically placed darts in the gown slimmed Sydney's waist to near nothingness, and emphasized . . . all the right places instead. The skirt poofed out like a bell-shaped cotton ball, and it only enhanced the simple beauty of the dress. The only fancy embroidery was at the boat-neck line around her collarbones and at the hem and train of the dress.

"Wow," she whispered as she looked at her reflection in the tiny dressing room.

"Oh, Sydney!" she heard Ilene call from the modeling area. "Come see this!" Sydney smiled and picked up the train to walk.

Ilene looked stunning—not bad for just a random dress to get her to shut up. From the wide look of awe in her eyes, Ilene had found her dress. Sydney couldn't help but smile at her good friend.

Suddenly she sensed someone had walked in and was watching them. Sydney turned, expecting the saleswoman.

Instead, very wide and impressed blue eyes gazed at her.

"Julian!" Ilene had seen him from the reflection in the mirrors. She picked up the fabric of her skirt and stepped towards him. "What do you think?"

Until then, his eyes hadn't left Sydney, but when he finally admired his sister's dress, Sydney allowed herself to blush. She wanted to die, right there.

He's going to think I'm wedding-crazy. Such a girly-girl—oh, this is mortifying.

Wait—why should I be mortified? He's the one who admitted to making out with some girl in the Bahamas. I hate him, right?

She knew that wasn't the case, but it made her feel more confident. As she looked back at the siblings, she realized she'd missed Sark's reaction to his sister's dress and Ilene's glee. Ilene pranced around in the modeling area, with a seamstress in tow for whatever adjustments.

It was after that she realized Sark had turned his attention back to her. Sydney didn't say anything as she watched him. His eyes started at her mere waist, traveling down to the train. He began to circle, his eyes on the hem and train. Sydney didn't move a muscle, but she swore she felt where his eyes gazed behind her.

When he circled back, his eyes traveled up, almost painstakingly slow. His face had been unreadable, until now. Finally he let a ghost of a smile show, and his eyes were bright as they stared into hers. Sydney's breath caught in her throat.

"You look stunning," he whispered for only her to hear. Sydney barely managed to swallow and nod some acknowledgement.

"So Jul," Ilene said, bounding back though her energy high seemed to ebb, "why'd you stop by?"

Sark finally tore his eyes from Sydney, clearing his throat as he did so.

"Well, since Alan's returning, I thought it'd be nice if we did something this weekend," he said.

"What'd you have in mind?" Ilene asked. Her face was so bright and cheery, Sydney was starting to get nauseated.

"A double date."

Sydney's stomach lurched. A what?

"Oh, that sounds fun!" Ilene said. She turned to Sydney, waiting for some agreement.

He is referring to me as his date, right? Not Kora? Sydney thought smugly. As if to relieve her doubts in him, Sark took a humble step towards her.

"Would you mind terribly?" Sark asked her. Sydney saw him swallow, as if he was unsure. He thinks I may just turn him down.

I should, after that Kora-chick. But that look in his eyes, as if his pupils drooped with sadness at the thought . . .

Oh, who am I kidding?

"Sure," she tried nonchalantly. She actually heard Sark sigh in his own relief.

"Thank you," he whispered with a reserved smile. His expression changed immediately to cheerfulness. "Well, I'll let you get back to shopping." His eyes grazed over her body again, and then he winked at Sydney as he left the shop.

Kill me now.