Unbeknownst to most of the Gryffindor boys, there was a secret tunnel that led to the girl's common room behind the statue of Lombard the Bad, Godric Gryffindor's brother. Surprisingly, Remus had been the one to discover it. He had been writing an essay on Lombard, and happened to notice the trap door upon which Lombard stood. Or so he said. Sirius liked to think that Remus had been so devastated over the fact that the girl's staircase turned into a slide every time a male tried to walk up it, yet when he, Remus, attempted the treacherous stairs (at James's command of course) the stairs remained in tact. "The stairs do not consider me human!" Remus had screamed upon discovering this. "I am a werewolf!"
It did not matter that James, Sirius, and Peter were sick with envy and spent the next couple days trying to trick Remus into biting them, in fact, this made Remus cry even harder. And as Sirius always concluded, Remus had knocked over the statue of Lombard in an attempted suicide, and discovered the passageway to the girl's dormitory on accident.
But it really was no matter to James how the passageway had been found. All that mattered was that it was a way to his beloved, sweet, and perfect Lily. And so with strength fuelled by love, he pushed aside the statue of Lombard as if he pushed aside ten-foot marble statues aside daily, yanked up the wooden trap door, and fairly leapt into the black hole it revealed. Sirius followed shortly after.
"Lumos!" Sirius hissed.
"Lu- Lu-!" James gasped. But he found that he could not talk, so great was his excitement. To think he would see Lily's sensuous, sleeping form in moments...
"Chilly down here," Sirius remarked.
"Is it?" James asked absently. He could not feel the cold; his heart gave him all the warmth he needed.
After several more exclamations from Sirius, all expressing various levels of discomfort, the two boys reached a second trap door, the one in the girl's dormitory. Unfortunately for them, the trap door lay under the statue of Cornelia the Continual, apparently one of Godric Gryffindor's many lovers.
"They moved the bloody statue over the trap door!" Sirius growled, pressing upwards at the wooden planks that formed the door fruitlessly.
"They what?" James asked uncomprehendingly.
"They must have figured out somebody was sneaking into the girl's dormitories and blocked off the trapdoor!" Sirius screeched.
James felt his heart breaking, as he realized there was a possible chance he would not being seeing the amazing, sultry, corporeal...
"Let's blow it up!" Sirius was exclaiming, jerking James out of his wonderland.
"Y-you can't do that!" A timid voice said from behind the two boys.
"Wormtail!" Sirius shrieked, spinning around. "What are you doing here?"
"I- I was afraid. I was all alone!"
"You were with Moony!" Sirius snarled.
"He went up to bed, and I didn't want to," Peter whispered.
"Bloody rat!" Sirius hissed under his breath. "I should blow you up!"
Peter squeaked.
James glared at nothing in particular, as he tried to figure out how to get through the trapdoor. Lost in thought, he took a step backwards.
"Owww!" Peter screeched. "That was my toe!"
"Oh well," James replied offhandedly.
At that moment, Peter vowed to avenge himself against James Potter.
It was several minutes before James and Sirius came up with a plan (Peter was too stupid to think).
"OK," Sirius said, flashing his signature bad-boy smirk, "So we blow up the floor and the statue will fall over and, voila! Girl's dorms!"
"Oh yeah!" James grinned. Then, raising his wand, "Aestus!" Immediately a stream of fire blazed out of his wand, and the trapdoor above them exploded in sparks. Then, the heard the all-to-familiar boom! Of a statue falling over.
"Score!" Sirius said.
Amazingly, nobody heard the commotion for reasons the author cannot explain. And so, James, Sirius, and Peter quickly scrambled up through the gaping hole without any trouble (well, Peter needed James and Sirius's help).
"So, what do we do about this hole?" Peter asked, trying to sound like everything with swell.
"Oh whatever," Said James offhandedly. He quickly mended the floor with a wave of his wand, and then turned towards the door with the golden plaque that read "Seventh Year girls." He was trembling, and it try as he might, he could not calm down enough to open it.
"Oh bloody hell!" Sirius snapped, after five minutes had been wasted outside the door thanks to James. He kicked open the door, but again, nobody noticed.
James entered the room like a zombie. He could not think or feel, and he found himself drawn to his beloveds bed. But there was one, gaping problem. "She's not there!" He cried.
"What?" Sirius and Peter both asked at once.
"Lily- her bed's empty!" James felt his night's work crumbling around him.
"She hasn't got a boyfriend has she?" Sirius asked with a devilish wink.
James promptly gave Sirius the finger, before dropping to his knees and looking under the bed. She wasn't there either. "Well," he said, standing up, "I'm going back to our room." He tried to keep his angry tears at bay, but one slipped out of his light brown eyes.
"Good God Prongs!" Sirius said, obviously horrified. "Well, at least take Wormtail with you. I think I'll be here for awhile."
James grunted, "Don't get caught."
"Dude, they're my girlfriends, they wont turn me in," Sirius said as he gestured to three or four beds.
"That's so cool!" Peter exclaimed looking quite awestruck. "I haven't had a girlfriend yet!"
"I can't imagine why," Sirius said sarcastically.
"Hey!" Peter exclaimed indignantly.
"Oh shut up and run along with James. Else, I'll blow you up!" Sirius said, turning to a sleeping, curvaceous blonde.
But James had already disappeared.
Wishing for his invisibility cloak, James crept past the many doors, all of which hid the Gryffindor girl dormitories. He could not believe his horrible luck. His love had been denied! He was just about to head back to the trap door when Mrs. Norris the first materialized suddenly in front of him. And, as if things couldn't get worse, he heard Mr. Lyncher's infamous wheeze (Mr. Lyncher was Filch's predecessor).
"Little girl out of bed?" Lyncher snickered.
James froze and whipped out his wand. "Alohamora!" He hissed, pointing to a mop closet. The door clicked open and James dived in. The door shut behind him, and he held is breath as Lyncher's footsteps slowly limped past.
"Who are you? Get off of me?" A feminine voice fairly shrieked in his ear.
"Eh sorry, wrong turn..." James said, horrified. Who was this?
"If you don't' get off of me, I will report you! I am head girl you know."
"Oh, my God!" James whispered. "Lily?"
"Look, I know some advanced spells and if you don't get off..."
"Lily is it you?"
"Bloody hell!" Lily cried. "Lumos!" at once the tip of her wand lit up, bathing the mop closet in a magical light. "James?" She screamed.
"Hello, my darling one..." He whispered. He had no control over his tongue and the words just tumbled out.
"James, I swear I will kill you," and as if to emphasize her point, she kicked him where it hurt most.
"Gah!" James exclaimed, falling off her and onto the floor.
"What," she said as she straightened out her robes and adjusted her hair, "Are you doing in the girl's dormitories?"
"I eh... got lost..." James said, still cringing.
"Oh?" Lily said, emerald eyes blazing.
"You look really sexy when you're mad," James said breathily.
"James Potter, you are just about the stupidest person I've ever met! Now I'm getting McGonagall." She took a step towards the door, but James hurriedly sat up and clutched the hem of her robes.
"Oh Lily, if you do that Gryffindor will lose points! And besides, McGonagall will want to know what you were doing out of bed in a mop closet." He gave his best puppy look. "What were you doing in here?"
Lily flushed, "I- nothing. I was doing nothing. Don't you dare tell anybody you saw me in here! Else... I will have your head."
"I wont tell... if you kiss me," James said. Under normal circumstances, he would have realized that this was just about the worst thing he could have done. But under Lily's fiery gaze he had no control over his thoughts or mouth. He had never realized how beautiful her hair and silky was before now...
"Excuse me?" Lily demanded in a low, dangerous voice. "I would rather kiss a werewolf!"
"I could arrange that," James said lightly. He grabbed a pale, beautiful hand, and pulled it towards his mouth. Lily hastily snatched her hand away, "God, cooties!" She cried. But as she pulled her hand away, her sleeve fell to the side, and right before she hastily covered her forearm up, James caught a glimpse of what looked like a tattoo. A snake and skull he believed. "You wild woman you!" James said, "You have a tattoo!"
Lily turned deathly pale. "No- you're imagining things!"
"Oh?" How slender she was, like a summer sapling...!
"Yes. Now, get out before I change my mind and report you." Lily snarled at him.
"Good night, my dearest Lily. Return to your enchanted bower and dream the sweetest dreams one can receive after a chance meeting with their true love," James said, obviously not realizing he sounded like a fool.
"WTF James?" She hissed. "She grabbed a mop and pointed it at him menacingly.
"Don't play hard to get, my fiery one," James said, hand on the bronze door knob.
"I'm not playing hard to get, oh arrogant one, I am hard to get!" Lily snapped. "Now leave!"
James hastily blew her a kiss, dodged the mop flung at him, and exited the closet. Oh what night it had been!
With the gracefulness of a stag he floated back down to the trapdoor, which bore no signs of its previous explosion. Of course, he did not really float, but he felt as though he did. He was, he told himself, lost to love.