Disclaimers: see part I
Part II- Try to Hold On
Why do you try to hold on when you'll never get a hold on... you wouldn't try to put the ocean in a paper cup. 'Cause I have had something to prove, as long as I've had something that needs improvement. Ani DiFranco "Hour Follows Hour"
"I now call to order the final meeting of the West Wing Senior Assistants Association," Margaret begins and with that she snaps open the tab of her diet coke. The rest of us, Ginger, Bonnie, Carol, and myself, do the same and we all pause for a moment to dip in our straws and savior the taste of our first sip.
This is ritual. We've been having a meeting like this every Saturday, as often as possible, so long as we can manage to sit around and engage in mindless gossip. If our bosses knew they'd probably pitch fits. Too late for that I guess.
With a smile Ginger is the first one to speak.
"Toby brought me and Bonnie flowers today," as she finishes her eyes glisten with tears and for a moment the sentiment, especially when you consider the source, causes me to choke up too.
"Yellow roses," Bonnie confirms. "And, he said there's more to come. He even smiled when he said he was going to miss us."
"Andi's bringing the twins in at three," Ginger continues. This means that we will be cutting our last WWSAA meeting short. We all smile, because that's alright. The twins, Huck and Molly, are four now and just about the cutest things this childless group of ours has ever seen. To say that Toby is a changed man when they're around is the understatement of the century.
"CJ bought me diamonds," Carol joins in on the boss bragging. We all look to her a moment, shocked. Then she laughs as, pulling away the cardigan sweater she has worn down to the mess, she reveals a small diamond studded goldfish pin. "It's like hers," Carol adds smiling wide, her eyes squinting as they always do when she smiles. "It's so I won't miss Gail."
We all laugh. Gail has lived longer than any goldfish I know.
"Leo bought me this," Margaret gushes, pulling a very expensive looking off white silk scarf from her pocket. Inside it is an even more beautiful pearl bracelet. And I say this not generally being a fan of pearls. Everyone admires the bracelet, gawking at its weight as we pass it around.
"Your turn." Bonnie says, turning to me. I swear to god I blush on the spot. They don't seem to notice. Or maybe they do and they're just used to it.
"He didn't give it to her yet," Ginger saves me. "I saw the package on his desk. It looks like a Tiffany's box," she adds grinning wildly. I'd thank her for the save if I weren't so shocked at her description. Thought I was pretty sure upon seeing the package that it was for me, I have to honestly say that the intricate wrapping and signature Tiffany's color never registered in my mind. I bite my tongue to stop myself from blurting out what I'm thinking. Holy shit. "Looked like a necklace," she finishes.
I smile and shrug. I'm trying to look nonchalant. They've never said it out loud but I'm pretty sure that the entire WWSAA (West Wing Senior Assistants Association for short) – all five of us – know that I have feelings deeper than friendship for Josh.
Carol flashes me a knowing grin.
"You guys can we talk seriously for a second?" I ask, smiling nervously. Of the group, Carol is the only one that I can imagine has any idea what I'm about to say. But even she's probably clueless. I can tell just form the look in the eyes of the rest of them that they think this is going to be about Josh. It's not... well not entirely.
"A couple of months ago, I applied and got accepted to Harvard," I state simply. A few jaws drop. Mainly just Margaret's. She thankfully recovers quickly.
"You're not taking the job with Josh and CJ?" Carol asks immediately. She IS taking a job with Josh and CJ as the firms press coordinator.
I shrug.
"I don't really know," and I answer honestly. This day has been nothing but confusion.
"I didn't even know that you wanted to go back to school," Bonnie provides, breaking the silence that has fallen on the group after my last comment.
I smile.
"I did..." I close my eyes for a moment and when I open them again four other sets of eyes are staring at me. "I do," I add with a strong, confident nod.
"But what about the job?" Ginger is the first to ask what I'm going to assume is one of a million questions. "It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I mean if I wasn't going to California to work for Sam I'd be there too. A job like this only comes around once in a lifetime, are you sure you want to pass it up?"
I want to laugh out loud. THIS job, the one we're leaving in a few short hours, comes along once in a lifetime. The job with CJ and Josh... if I even thought for a MINUTE they'd abandon me if I choose school over them I'd never want to take the job with them to begin with. CJ and Josh, they are my friends. And while the women of the WWSAA are my confidants, I don't trust them like I do the actual senior staff. It's so weird; the other assistants all seem so focused on the idea of me at the firm, I can't help wondering if they have ulterior motives. I can just tell they do by the solemn nods they give after Ginger states her case. I can't help wondering if they're all still thinking the same thing I am... what about Josh? I must admit that is actually what I want them to ask me.
"Well..." I begin slowly. "If the firm is as successful as I'm sure it will be, imagine the credibility I'll have with a degree from Harvard," I finish with a smile.
Ginger is the only one who seems satisfied.
"Do Josh and CJ know?" Carol asks.
I nod.
"CJ's been in on it since the beginning, she actually wrote me some recommendations," I pause. "Josh um..." I laugh. "I just told him," I finish softly.
"And?" Margaret can't get the word out fast enough.
"He says go."
The shocked looks I got when I dropped the college bomb have nothing on the eyes staring at me right now.
"He says go?" Margaret repeats. I nod and she shakes her head.
"Bastard," she mutters quietly.
"Jackass," Ginger adds in her favorite Doctor B impression.
"Idiot," Bonnie practically shouts.
"I can't even..." Carol is the only one without choice words.
I'm thisclose to laughing.
"He's proud of me," I say with another shrug and a sip of my coke. "And he trusts I'll make the right decision."
"If he was any bit the man I thought he was..." Bonnie begins but stops when Ginger hits her arm.
This time I actually do laugh.
"He's taking me to Hawaii," I counter when my fit of giggles ends. Shit, did that just come out?
"Who?" Carol asks. Okay... yeah... that was pretty random. I'm screwed. Here we go.
"Josh," I reply quietly. Shock, as predicted, ensues.
"Hawaii?" Margaret repeats.
"When?" Ginger asks.
"Week and a half."
"I thought you were going to Wisconsin?" Ginger again.
"And he's going to visit Sam?" and Bonnie.
"Plans change?" I offer. I can't hide the smile creeping to my lips. I hadn't have the time to really look at the itinerary, but I did notice that I was flying out of Wisconsin, halfway into the second week of my supposed stay at my parents and that the trip was set to last three weeks.
"How long?" Ginger asks. Now's she's smiling too.
"Two weeks," I lie. I might be glowing.
"And the gift on his desk?" Margaret asks, her curiosity, as always, has gotten the best of her.
I shrug.
"I have no idea..." ok so maybe I'm like ninety nine percent sure that its for me, but still.
"Oh its yours," Margaret is animate about this. So animate that I think that she might know more then she lets on. She usually does, so I pry.
"How do you know?" I ask as if I don't care. I bet they can see right through me.
"Trust me, I do," is all Margaret replies.
"I mean maybe it's for Amy Gardner," I add casually. "Ever since she came back last year to be the First Lady's chief of staff, the second time, she and Josh have been kinda chummy."
"As if!" Carol blurts out. I feel like I'm trapped in a cheesy nineties teen comedy.
"That's bullshit!" Ginger concurs, her Jersey girl heritage slipping out. "And you know it."
I'm smiling again. She's more than right she's dead on. It's been way too long since the sight of Amy Gardner hasn't sent Josh running in the opposite direction. It's more of a relief to me than anyone knows.
"What do you think it is?" Bonnie finally ponders and I take a moment to wonder to myself how all conversation has taken a turn in the 'lets dissect Donna's life' direction. Oh, wait, that's right. I brought it here. What was I thinking?
"It was a long box," Ginger provides and as the conversation takes on a life of its own, without me, my mind beings to wander. I watch in wonder as the women around me speak. First I'm thinking about Hawaii, then the package, then Josh... Josh's package. Oh my god. Did I really just think about that? What the hell am I going to do?
"What do you think?" Bonnie's looking at me. Oh no, Bonnie's talking to me. I have no idea what she just said.
"Um... yeah," I reply because I honestly have no idea what the hell is going on. And, I'm an idiot.
The response I receive from the women around me is hysterical laughter.
"So you agree that Josh has the cutest butt in politics?" Carol responds through tears. She's been laughing to hard she can barely breathe.
I smile. No use denying.
"Well... yeah!" I announce with what I like to call my Kool-Aid smile, the one that crinkles my eyes. Josh has told me, more than once, that he loves this smile. The thought makes me smile just a little more.
We all laugh. And it feels so good to laugh one last time with these women. Finally, when the laughter dies down, Bonnie takes it upon herself to get serious.
"So what are you going to do?" she asks, again turning to me.
I shrug. 'Bout what?
"'Bout what?"
"Harvard?" Bonnie provides.
"Hawaii?" Ginger's next.
"Josh?" and Margaret.
And suddenly I realize that I'm not going to be let out of this room without providing some answers.
"Georgetown," it's the first thought that comes to my head and the first word to escape my lips.
"Georgetown?" Carol asks confused.
"I..." I'm stuttering, great. "I could go to Georgetown."
"Did you apply?" Margaret asks.
"Yes. They actually offered me a full ride," I answer with a prominent sigh. I'm met with more than one scrutinizing look. I think that they all have something to say but on ones brave enough to go first.
"Then it's settled," Bonnie takes the leap. "Did Harvard offer you a full ride?"
"No," I'm honest. I want to say more, want to say it doesn't matter, but financial disclosure – the partial scholarship, the presidential scholarship, Josh's offer, none of it seems appropriate to mention right now.
"Then why question it? Stay here, work part time for the firm and go to Georgetown!" Bonnie continues as though she's solved all life's mysteries. I resist every urge imaginable not to roll my eyes. If only it were that simple.
"Are you out of your mind?" Ginger counters. "This is HARVARD. HAR-VARD!" she repeats slowly. "She can't pass that up!" she seems outraged that Bonnie would even suggest such a thing.
"But what about Josh?" Carol asks the seventy five million dollar question.
"What about Josh?" Ginger asks and again the conversation about me goes on without ME. "She's can't live her life for him. Especially if he can't even share how he feels about her with HER!"
My god, is this really happening?
"Sure she can!" Margaret interjects. "I mean, come on he's obviously in LO- "
"Aunt Don-DA!" Huck comes flying across the room, throwing himself into my arms. Saved. I know what Margaret was going to say and I'm not too sure I could have handled that. Molly soon follows, taking quickly to Ginger. Ever since last summer Ginger and I have been the twins favorite people thanks to a day at the beach and a long weekend involving embarrassing the hell outta Josh and LOTS of ice cream. Each and every one of Toby and Andi's closest friends in the west wing are affectionately aunt and uncle.
"Sorry..." Toby comes in scurrying after them. Seeing Toby scurry is quite a sight. "Sorry," he repeats as he pulls Molly off of Ginger's leg where she seems to be getting peanut butter on Ginger's skirt.
Huck who, for reasons passing understanding, took a liking to me early on, is content crawling into my lap and nuzzling his head into my neck.
"You smell pretty Aunt Don-da," he says sweetly. I laugh as Toby groans.
"It's Donna," Toby mutters to his son as he ruffles a hand through his child's brown hair. "We've been over this. You are four now, you can say Donna."
Toby hates the terms of endearment the kids developed when they were too young to pronounce each of our names. I think it's cute. You should hear what they called Josh, a habit they were quickly broken of.
"Hi Aunt Donna," Molly says sweetly and we all smile.
Looks like the final meetings of the West Wing Senior Assistants Association has come to an abrupt halt. Toby puts Molly down and Andi joins us as we all being fawning over the children.
I can think of worst ways to spend my last day here.
Of course I can also think of better...
Part II- Try to Hold On
Why do you try to hold on when you'll never get a hold on... you wouldn't try to put the ocean in a paper cup. 'Cause I have had something to prove, as long as I've had something that needs improvement. Ani DiFranco "Hour Follows Hour"
"I now call to order the final meeting of the West Wing Senior Assistants Association," Margaret begins and with that she snaps open the tab of her diet coke. The rest of us, Ginger, Bonnie, Carol, and myself, do the same and we all pause for a moment to dip in our straws and savior the taste of our first sip.
This is ritual. We've been having a meeting like this every Saturday, as often as possible, so long as we can manage to sit around and engage in mindless gossip. If our bosses knew they'd probably pitch fits. Too late for that I guess.
With a smile Ginger is the first one to speak.
"Toby brought me and Bonnie flowers today," as she finishes her eyes glisten with tears and for a moment the sentiment, especially when you consider the source, causes me to choke up too.
"Yellow roses," Bonnie confirms. "And, he said there's more to come. He even smiled when he said he was going to miss us."
"Andi's bringing the twins in at three," Ginger continues. This means that we will be cutting our last WWSAA meeting short. We all smile, because that's alright. The twins, Huck and Molly, are four now and just about the cutest things this childless group of ours has ever seen. To say that Toby is a changed man when they're around is the understatement of the century.
"CJ bought me diamonds," Carol joins in on the boss bragging. We all look to her a moment, shocked. Then she laughs as, pulling away the cardigan sweater she has worn down to the mess, she reveals a small diamond studded goldfish pin. "It's like hers," Carol adds smiling wide, her eyes squinting as they always do when she smiles. "It's so I won't miss Gail."
We all laugh. Gail has lived longer than any goldfish I know.
"Leo bought me this," Margaret gushes, pulling a very expensive looking off white silk scarf from her pocket. Inside it is an even more beautiful pearl bracelet. And I say this not generally being a fan of pearls. Everyone admires the bracelet, gawking at its weight as we pass it around.
"Your turn." Bonnie says, turning to me. I swear to god I blush on the spot. They don't seem to notice. Or maybe they do and they're just used to it.
"He didn't give it to her yet," Ginger saves me. "I saw the package on his desk. It looks like a Tiffany's box," she adds grinning wildly. I'd thank her for the save if I weren't so shocked at her description. Thought I was pretty sure upon seeing the package that it was for me, I have to honestly say that the intricate wrapping and signature Tiffany's color never registered in my mind. I bite my tongue to stop myself from blurting out what I'm thinking. Holy shit. "Looked like a necklace," she finishes.
I smile and shrug. I'm trying to look nonchalant. They've never said it out loud but I'm pretty sure that the entire WWSAA (West Wing Senior Assistants Association for short) – all five of us – know that I have feelings deeper than friendship for Josh.
Carol flashes me a knowing grin.
"You guys can we talk seriously for a second?" I ask, smiling nervously. Of the group, Carol is the only one that I can imagine has any idea what I'm about to say. But even she's probably clueless. I can tell just form the look in the eyes of the rest of them that they think this is going to be about Josh. It's not... well not entirely.
"A couple of months ago, I applied and got accepted to Harvard," I state simply. A few jaws drop. Mainly just Margaret's. She thankfully recovers quickly.
"You're not taking the job with Josh and CJ?" Carol asks immediately. She IS taking a job with Josh and CJ as the firms press coordinator.
I shrug.
"I don't really know," and I answer honestly. This day has been nothing but confusion.
"I didn't even know that you wanted to go back to school," Bonnie provides, breaking the silence that has fallen on the group after my last comment.
I smile.
"I did..." I close my eyes for a moment and when I open them again four other sets of eyes are staring at me. "I do," I add with a strong, confident nod.
"But what about the job?" Ginger is the first to ask what I'm going to assume is one of a million questions. "It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I mean if I wasn't going to California to work for Sam I'd be there too. A job like this only comes around once in a lifetime, are you sure you want to pass it up?"
I want to laugh out loud. THIS job, the one we're leaving in a few short hours, comes along once in a lifetime. The job with CJ and Josh... if I even thought for a MINUTE they'd abandon me if I choose school over them I'd never want to take the job with them to begin with. CJ and Josh, they are my friends. And while the women of the WWSAA are my confidants, I don't trust them like I do the actual senior staff. It's so weird; the other assistants all seem so focused on the idea of me at the firm, I can't help wondering if they have ulterior motives. I can just tell they do by the solemn nods they give after Ginger states her case. I can't help wondering if they're all still thinking the same thing I am... what about Josh? I must admit that is actually what I want them to ask me.
"Well..." I begin slowly. "If the firm is as successful as I'm sure it will be, imagine the credibility I'll have with a degree from Harvard," I finish with a smile.
Ginger is the only one who seems satisfied.
"Do Josh and CJ know?" Carol asks.
I nod.
"CJ's been in on it since the beginning, she actually wrote me some recommendations," I pause. "Josh um..." I laugh. "I just told him," I finish softly.
"And?" Margaret can't get the word out fast enough.
"He says go."
The shocked looks I got when I dropped the college bomb have nothing on the eyes staring at me right now.
"He says go?" Margaret repeats. I nod and she shakes her head.
"Bastard," she mutters quietly.
"Jackass," Ginger adds in her favorite Doctor B impression.
"Idiot," Bonnie practically shouts.
"I can't even..." Carol is the only one without choice words.
I'm thisclose to laughing.
"He's proud of me," I say with another shrug and a sip of my coke. "And he trusts I'll make the right decision."
"If he was any bit the man I thought he was..." Bonnie begins but stops when Ginger hits her arm.
This time I actually do laugh.
"He's taking me to Hawaii," I counter when my fit of giggles ends. Shit, did that just come out?
"Who?" Carol asks. Okay... yeah... that was pretty random. I'm screwed. Here we go.
"Josh," I reply quietly. Shock, as predicted, ensues.
"Hawaii?" Margaret repeats.
"When?" Ginger asks.
"Week and a half."
"I thought you were going to Wisconsin?" Ginger again.
"And he's going to visit Sam?" and Bonnie.
"Plans change?" I offer. I can't hide the smile creeping to my lips. I hadn't have the time to really look at the itinerary, but I did notice that I was flying out of Wisconsin, halfway into the second week of my supposed stay at my parents and that the trip was set to last three weeks.
"How long?" Ginger asks. Now's she's smiling too.
"Two weeks," I lie. I might be glowing.
"And the gift on his desk?" Margaret asks, her curiosity, as always, has gotten the best of her.
I shrug.
"I have no idea..." ok so maybe I'm like ninety nine percent sure that its for me, but still.
"Oh its yours," Margaret is animate about this. So animate that I think that she might know more then she lets on. She usually does, so I pry.
"How do you know?" I ask as if I don't care. I bet they can see right through me.
"Trust me, I do," is all Margaret replies.
"I mean maybe it's for Amy Gardner," I add casually. "Ever since she came back last year to be the First Lady's chief of staff, the second time, she and Josh have been kinda chummy."
"As if!" Carol blurts out. I feel like I'm trapped in a cheesy nineties teen comedy.
"That's bullshit!" Ginger concurs, her Jersey girl heritage slipping out. "And you know it."
I'm smiling again. She's more than right she's dead on. It's been way too long since the sight of Amy Gardner hasn't sent Josh running in the opposite direction. It's more of a relief to me than anyone knows.
"What do you think it is?" Bonnie finally ponders and I take a moment to wonder to myself how all conversation has taken a turn in the 'lets dissect Donna's life' direction. Oh, wait, that's right. I brought it here. What was I thinking?
"It was a long box," Ginger provides and as the conversation takes on a life of its own, without me, my mind beings to wander. I watch in wonder as the women around me speak. First I'm thinking about Hawaii, then the package, then Josh... Josh's package. Oh my god. Did I really just think about that? What the hell am I going to do?
"What do you think?" Bonnie's looking at me. Oh no, Bonnie's talking to me. I have no idea what she just said.
"Um... yeah," I reply because I honestly have no idea what the hell is going on. And, I'm an idiot.
The response I receive from the women around me is hysterical laughter.
"So you agree that Josh has the cutest butt in politics?" Carol responds through tears. She's been laughing to hard she can barely breathe.
I smile. No use denying.
"Well... yeah!" I announce with what I like to call my Kool-Aid smile, the one that crinkles my eyes. Josh has told me, more than once, that he loves this smile. The thought makes me smile just a little more.
We all laugh. And it feels so good to laugh one last time with these women. Finally, when the laughter dies down, Bonnie takes it upon herself to get serious.
"So what are you going to do?" she asks, again turning to me.
I shrug. 'Bout what?
"'Bout what?"
"Harvard?" Bonnie provides.
"Hawaii?" Ginger's next.
"Josh?" and Margaret.
And suddenly I realize that I'm not going to be let out of this room without providing some answers.
"Georgetown," it's the first thought that comes to my head and the first word to escape my lips.
"Georgetown?" Carol asks confused.
"I..." I'm stuttering, great. "I could go to Georgetown."
"Did you apply?" Margaret asks.
"Yes. They actually offered me a full ride," I answer with a prominent sigh. I'm met with more than one scrutinizing look. I think that they all have something to say but on ones brave enough to go first.
"Then it's settled," Bonnie takes the leap. "Did Harvard offer you a full ride?"
"No," I'm honest. I want to say more, want to say it doesn't matter, but financial disclosure – the partial scholarship, the presidential scholarship, Josh's offer, none of it seems appropriate to mention right now.
"Then why question it? Stay here, work part time for the firm and go to Georgetown!" Bonnie continues as though she's solved all life's mysteries. I resist every urge imaginable not to roll my eyes. If only it were that simple.
"Are you out of your mind?" Ginger counters. "This is HARVARD. HAR-VARD!" she repeats slowly. "She can't pass that up!" she seems outraged that Bonnie would even suggest such a thing.
"But what about Josh?" Carol asks the seventy five million dollar question.
"What about Josh?" Ginger asks and again the conversation about me goes on without ME. "She's can't live her life for him. Especially if he can't even share how he feels about her with HER!"
My god, is this really happening?
"Sure she can!" Margaret interjects. "I mean, come on he's obviously in LO- "
"Aunt Don-DA!" Huck comes flying across the room, throwing himself into my arms. Saved. I know what Margaret was going to say and I'm not too sure I could have handled that. Molly soon follows, taking quickly to Ginger. Ever since last summer Ginger and I have been the twins favorite people thanks to a day at the beach and a long weekend involving embarrassing the hell outta Josh and LOTS of ice cream. Each and every one of Toby and Andi's closest friends in the west wing are affectionately aunt and uncle.
"Sorry..." Toby comes in scurrying after them. Seeing Toby scurry is quite a sight. "Sorry," he repeats as he pulls Molly off of Ginger's leg where she seems to be getting peanut butter on Ginger's skirt.
Huck who, for reasons passing understanding, took a liking to me early on, is content crawling into my lap and nuzzling his head into my neck.
"You smell pretty Aunt Don-da," he says sweetly. I laugh as Toby groans.
"It's Donna," Toby mutters to his son as he ruffles a hand through his child's brown hair. "We've been over this. You are four now, you can say Donna."
Toby hates the terms of endearment the kids developed when they were too young to pronounce each of our names. I think it's cute. You should hear what they called Josh, a habit they were quickly broken of.
"Hi Aunt Donna," Molly says sweetly and we all smile.
Looks like the final meetings of the West Wing Senior Assistants Association has come to an abrupt halt. Toby puts Molly down and Andi joins us as we all being fawning over the children.
I can think of worst ways to spend my last day here.
Of course I can also think of better...