Disclaimers: See Part I
Part III – A Women's Movement
And you know every time I move I make a women's movement. And first you decide what you've got to do, and you go out and do it. And maybe the most that we can do is just to see each other through it. Ani DiFranco "Hour Follows Hour"
I stop in Carol's office when I hear not one, but two familiar voices behind CJ's door.
"I can't help but be proud!" Josh is yelling and his voice is doing that thing where it gets all high-pitched and squealing.
"You should be!" CJ shouts back and I'm pretty sure, after only two sentences, I know EXACTLY what they're talking about. I should leave. I should leave right now. But I can't seem to make myself move from this spot.
"I can't believe you didn't tell me," Josh sounds defeated and I'm thoroughly shocked at how thin the walls to CJ's office actually are.
"She needs to do this without you Josh," CJ sounds worn down. They must have been going at it for a while before I arrived. "She can't rely on you for the rest of her life!" she's screaming again so I can only imagine the face he made to get that sort of response.
"Maybe I want her to rely on me!" Josh is also yelling and from they way his voice is traveling around the room, I am to assume, pacing. I don't dare take a look inside. "Maybe I like that," he's practically ranting. "Maybe I take pride in being able to provide for her. Maybe," he talks so loudly now that I almost feel as though I'm in the room with them. I have not seen Josh this unhinged since before Christmas. "Maybe," he repeats. "That's my goal in life, to provide for Donnatella Moss," holy shit, he used the whole name. "Because I'm in LOVE WITH HER!"
Ok so Margaret almost mentioning it has nothing on the way I feel now that Josh has actually spoken the words out loud. I think I'm going to be sick. Thing is, I can't help but smile. I'm stunned, speechless, confused, and a crap load of other emotions, yet, above all, I'm relieved. I mean, I thought... I was almost certain, Josh felt that way about me, but to heat him say it out loud. Suddenly I have the urge to go in there and jump on him. Thing is, once that happens, I fear I'll never let go.
"Jesus Christ Joshua!" and CJ's yelling again. "Say that a little louder, I don't think they heard you at the CAPITOL!" I can see her, in my mind, smacking him upside the head.
"What does it matter?" and we're back to defeated Josh.
This time I actually hear CJ smack Josh upside the head.
"What does it matter!" and she's still yelling, only this time, there seems to be more conviction. "What does it MATTER!" uh oh... when CJ repeats herself its never good. "Because she loves you back, that's what MATTERS!"
I think I might actually be dying.
Let it be known that I never once actually verbally admitted to CJ, or anyone for that matter, that I was in love with Josh. Not to say that it isn't true, but still. Oh my god, how am I ever going to look Josh in the eye again?
"SO what..." is Josh's reply. "So she loves me back..." he's speaking so quietly that if he wasn't practically standing on top of the door I probably never would have heard him. "That won't matter when she's at Harvard with single guys her age."
"Boy are you dumb!" is CJ's reply and I almost laugh out loud. I love CJ. "Josh..." she continues and for a second she's eerily calm. "EIGHT YEARS!" and there's the explosion. I actually wince, if Josh's little outburst could be heard at the Capitol then CJ's sending her message to Maryland. "She's been in love with you for EIGHT YEARS! How could you even think for a moment that she'd go off to school and just forget about you? It's not gonna happen! Besides that, she's not going away until August. It's January, you have months, MONTHS JOSHUA to spend together. You are not children you are grown adults who are IN LOVE! Carpe diem mi amore, you've both waited way too long for this to happen."
And I'm smiling. And my smile is so big that I think there are actually tears in my eyes. I always thought that if I'd heard someone, other than myself, confess my love for Josh, to Josh, I'd die of embarrassment but I was wrong. I actually want to run into CJ's office right now and give her a great big hug. This can work... this thing between Josh and me, and even CJ believes in it. I really do love her.
I can hear Josh collapsing onto CJ's couch and things are silent. I take that as my cue to knock.
"CJ?" I call out before opening the door.
Any tension that might have been seen in Josh's features fades immediately. It's actually as though I see it disappear as he looks at me smiles.
"Hey," he says softly.
"Hi," I reply with my own sweet smile.
Out of the corner of my eyes I can see CJ roll hers and I almost laugh.
"Can I..." I look from Josh to CJ. "CJ Can we talk for a minute?"
"Sure," CJ replied eagerly. She turns to Josh. "Idiot boy, will you excuse us please?"
He nods and stands. He looks so cute I could jump him. I really need to stop thinking like that.
"I..." he starts talking as he walks towards the door. "When you're done here," he turns towards me. "Can we..." he kinda nudges his head towards his office across the hall. Oddly enough, ok so maybe not so oddly... I know exactly what he wants. "Yeah," I reply with a smile. "When we're done. It'll just be a minute."
He smiles back and shuts the door as he leaves. Now it's my turn to plop heavily onto CJ's couch. CJ is seated at her desk.
"How much of that did you hear?" she asks, peering down at me over her glasses.
I can't help but smile.
"Enough," I say with a nod. She laughs, her infamous CJ chuckle. I love that laugh, I am going to miss that laugh.
"And?" she asks sitting up a bit.
I look down at my hands, where I am nervously twirling my bracelet around on my wrist and then back up at her shyly.
"I do love him," I admit with a sigh.
"Tell me something I don't already know." CJ replies with a shrug.
"I knew he loved me too. I mean in no certain terms, but to hear him..."
"You heard that?"
"He's just scared CJ."
"You always stick up for him!" he voice has gone high pitch again.
"Yeah, but this time it's alright," I smile because I don't know how else to handle her at the moment.
"I cannot BELIEVE I'm willing to admit that," she smiles back and the knot that was forming just a second ago, in the pits of my stomach, has loosened considerably. "I'm just glad that even though you're both now keen to this..." she throws her arms out in front of her. "Thing... you're still going to go away to school. And Harvard? Donna, I had no idea," she's smiling that proud smile Josh was giving me earlier today. "Good for you!"
I smile back, but just as quickly my smile falters. I hope she doesn't notice.
"That's kinda what I wanted to talk to you about," I admit quietly.
"What?" CJ asks slightly confused. She narrows her eyes at me. "Harvard?"
"Yeah..." I shake my head. "Well... sorta... I..." she is going to kill me. In fact, I can tell just by her posture that she's ready to pounce.
"I also got accepted to Georgetown," I begin slowly. "And I was thinking..."
"Donna NO!" not only is she cutting me off, but she's also standing. This can't be good. "You cannot make choices based solely upon your feelings for him. No. I won't let you. He told me Donna... he told me about the look in your eyes when you said Harvard. I'm not gonna let you stay here and go to Georgetown."
"CJ..."
"No."
"It took us so long to get here CJ, what if I leave and..."
"You're both idiots!" and we're back to the yelling. Thank god nearly everyone's either gone for the day or has enough sense just to ignore everything that's going on at this end of the building. She's moved closer to me now, so that she's practically on top of me, staring down in an oh so intimidating way. "I was wrong Donna when you and I had that talk, the night of the lockdown before you went... and the thing... I was wrong, I... you and Josh you're you and Josh, there's... there's nothing else. Stop questioning and just let it be."
"CJ..."
"Donna no."
"CJ..."
"I was wrong that last time but just listen to me, just this once, I swear to you..."
"CJ..."
"Please."
"Thank you."
"What?"
"I said thank you," I'm smiling sweetly. So sweetly its sick.
"GET OUT!" she yells half laughing as she points to the door. I start laughing too as I scurry away and make a bee line for Josh's office. Unfortunately, I'm stopped when I see none other than Doctor Bartlet sitting at my desk. If Josh's door were open right now he'd be having a nutty I'm sure of it.
"Doctor Bartlet," I say smiling at her. I've been smiling so much in the last couple of minute that I think my jaw is actually beginning to hurt.
"Good afternoon Donna," she speaks and stands which is odd because usually it's the other way around. But this seems to be the strangest day of my life thus far so, yanno, I'm not really going to question it. "You've been holding out on me," she adds with a smile as she picks a stray hair off of the shoulder of my sweater. I smile. It's been a long time since I've seen my own mother and it feels nice to once and while be doted upon by the First Lady. "Harvard..." and here she goes with the proud grin. I wonder who told her.
"Yes ma'am..."
"Abbey Donna, for petes sake would you please call me Abbey."
I smile.
"Abbey I... I was going to tell you but I wasn't sure until... well now I guess. It's just..." I pause. "How did you find out?
She laughs. Doctor Bartlet's is another distinctive laugh that I'm going to miss.
"Little know fact," she begins. "My husband's eavesdropping skills rival any women in this building's," she is grinning. "We'll just leave it at that."
I'm smiling so widely that I think maybe my jaw might crack.
"We're so PROUD of you," she adds, pulling me into a hug. I can't help it; there are immediately tears in my eyes.
And this is how Josh finds us minutes later.
"Donna," he bellows, opening his door. I hear him, hell I even seem him, but I make no attempt to move. "Doctor Bartlet," he immediately seems embarrassed. I'm not sure if its because he yelled or because of the position I'm in, the position we're in, the First Lady and I.
"Oh Joshua," Doctor Bartlet turns to him. "Can you believe," she holds me at arms length. "Our little Donna, all grown up."
Josh and I both grown and Doctor Bartlet laughs.
"Beautiful isn't she?" Doctor Bartlet adds with one of her timeless grins.
"Yes Ma'am," Josh is smiling. "She really is."
I think I blush about twenty-seven shades of reds and pinks. This day just keeps getting weirder and weirder.
"I take it you had something important you needed her for?" Doctor Bartlet suggests turning to Josh.
"I..." Josh stumbles but only for a moment. "Yes Ma'am."
"Well then," she smoothes her skirt as she makes a move to leave. "I'll be seeing you two at dinner I assume."
"Yes Ma'am," Josh and I reply in unison and we both watch as Doctor Bartlet, the confident superwoman that I aspire to be, saunters away.
Part III – A Women's Movement
And you know every time I move I make a women's movement. And first you decide what you've got to do, and you go out and do it. And maybe the most that we can do is just to see each other through it. Ani DiFranco "Hour Follows Hour"
I stop in Carol's office when I hear not one, but two familiar voices behind CJ's door.
"I can't help but be proud!" Josh is yelling and his voice is doing that thing where it gets all high-pitched and squealing.
"You should be!" CJ shouts back and I'm pretty sure, after only two sentences, I know EXACTLY what they're talking about. I should leave. I should leave right now. But I can't seem to make myself move from this spot.
"I can't believe you didn't tell me," Josh sounds defeated and I'm thoroughly shocked at how thin the walls to CJ's office actually are.
"She needs to do this without you Josh," CJ sounds worn down. They must have been going at it for a while before I arrived. "She can't rely on you for the rest of her life!" she's screaming again so I can only imagine the face he made to get that sort of response.
"Maybe I want her to rely on me!" Josh is also yelling and from they way his voice is traveling around the room, I am to assume, pacing. I don't dare take a look inside. "Maybe I like that," he's practically ranting. "Maybe I take pride in being able to provide for her. Maybe," he talks so loudly now that I almost feel as though I'm in the room with them. I have not seen Josh this unhinged since before Christmas. "Maybe," he repeats. "That's my goal in life, to provide for Donnatella Moss," holy shit, he used the whole name. "Because I'm in LOVE WITH HER!"
Ok so Margaret almost mentioning it has nothing on the way I feel now that Josh has actually spoken the words out loud. I think I'm going to be sick. Thing is, I can't help but smile. I'm stunned, speechless, confused, and a crap load of other emotions, yet, above all, I'm relieved. I mean, I thought... I was almost certain, Josh felt that way about me, but to heat him say it out loud. Suddenly I have the urge to go in there and jump on him. Thing is, once that happens, I fear I'll never let go.
"Jesus Christ Joshua!" and CJ's yelling again. "Say that a little louder, I don't think they heard you at the CAPITOL!" I can see her, in my mind, smacking him upside the head.
"What does it matter?" and we're back to defeated Josh.
This time I actually hear CJ smack Josh upside the head.
"What does it matter!" and she's still yelling, only this time, there seems to be more conviction. "What does it MATTER!" uh oh... when CJ repeats herself its never good. "Because she loves you back, that's what MATTERS!"
I think I might actually be dying.
Let it be known that I never once actually verbally admitted to CJ, or anyone for that matter, that I was in love with Josh. Not to say that it isn't true, but still. Oh my god, how am I ever going to look Josh in the eye again?
"SO what..." is Josh's reply. "So she loves me back..." he's speaking so quietly that if he wasn't practically standing on top of the door I probably never would have heard him. "That won't matter when she's at Harvard with single guys her age."
"Boy are you dumb!" is CJ's reply and I almost laugh out loud. I love CJ. "Josh..." she continues and for a second she's eerily calm. "EIGHT YEARS!" and there's the explosion. I actually wince, if Josh's little outburst could be heard at the Capitol then CJ's sending her message to Maryland. "She's been in love with you for EIGHT YEARS! How could you even think for a moment that she'd go off to school and just forget about you? It's not gonna happen! Besides that, she's not going away until August. It's January, you have months, MONTHS JOSHUA to spend together. You are not children you are grown adults who are IN LOVE! Carpe diem mi amore, you've both waited way too long for this to happen."
And I'm smiling. And my smile is so big that I think there are actually tears in my eyes. I always thought that if I'd heard someone, other than myself, confess my love for Josh, to Josh, I'd die of embarrassment but I was wrong. I actually want to run into CJ's office right now and give her a great big hug. This can work... this thing between Josh and me, and even CJ believes in it. I really do love her.
I can hear Josh collapsing onto CJ's couch and things are silent. I take that as my cue to knock.
"CJ?" I call out before opening the door.
Any tension that might have been seen in Josh's features fades immediately. It's actually as though I see it disappear as he looks at me smiles.
"Hey," he says softly.
"Hi," I reply with my own sweet smile.
Out of the corner of my eyes I can see CJ roll hers and I almost laugh.
"Can I..." I look from Josh to CJ. "CJ Can we talk for a minute?"
"Sure," CJ replied eagerly. She turns to Josh. "Idiot boy, will you excuse us please?"
He nods and stands. He looks so cute I could jump him. I really need to stop thinking like that.
"I..." he starts talking as he walks towards the door. "When you're done here," he turns towards me. "Can we..." he kinda nudges his head towards his office across the hall. Oddly enough, ok so maybe not so oddly... I know exactly what he wants. "Yeah," I reply with a smile. "When we're done. It'll just be a minute."
He smiles back and shuts the door as he leaves. Now it's my turn to plop heavily onto CJ's couch. CJ is seated at her desk.
"How much of that did you hear?" she asks, peering down at me over her glasses.
I can't help but smile.
"Enough," I say with a nod. She laughs, her infamous CJ chuckle. I love that laugh, I am going to miss that laugh.
"And?" she asks sitting up a bit.
I look down at my hands, where I am nervously twirling my bracelet around on my wrist and then back up at her shyly.
"I do love him," I admit with a sigh.
"Tell me something I don't already know." CJ replies with a shrug.
"I knew he loved me too. I mean in no certain terms, but to hear him..."
"You heard that?"
"He's just scared CJ."
"You always stick up for him!" he voice has gone high pitch again.
"Yeah, but this time it's alright," I smile because I don't know how else to handle her at the moment.
"I cannot BELIEVE I'm willing to admit that," she smiles back and the knot that was forming just a second ago, in the pits of my stomach, has loosened considerably. "I'm just glad that even though you're both now keen to this..." she throws her arms out in front of her. "Thing... you're still going to go away to school. And Harvard? Donna, I had no idea," she's smiling that proud smile Josh was giving me earlier today. "Good for you!"
I smile back, but just as quickly my smile falters. I hope she doesn't notice.
"That's kinda what I wanted to talk to you about," I admit quietly.
"What?" CJ asks slightly confused. She narrows her eyes at me. "Harvard?"
"Yeah..." I shake my head. "Well... sorta... I..." she is going to kill me. In fact, I can tell just by her posture that she's ready to pounce.
"I also got accepted to Georgetown," I begin slowly. "And I was thinking..."
"Donna NO!" not only is she cutting me off, but she's also standing. This can't be good. "You cannot make choices based solely upon your feelings for him. No. I won't let you. He told me Donna... he told me about the look in your eyes when you said Harvard. I'm not gonna let you stay here and go to Georgetown."
"CJ..."
"No."
"It took us so long to get here CJ, what if I leave and..."
"You're both idiots!" and we're back to the yelling. Thank god nearly everyone's either gone for the day or has enough sense just to ignore everything that's going on at this end of the building. She's moved closer to me now, so that she's practically on top of me, staring down in an oh so intimidating way. "I was wrong Donna when you and I had that talk, the night of the lockdown before you went... and the thing... I was wrong, I... you and Josh you're you and Josh, there's... there's nothing else. Stop questioning and just let it be."
"CJ..."
"Donna no."
"CJ..."
"I was wrong that last time but just listen to me, just this once, I swear to you..."
"CJ..."
"Please."
"Thank you."
"What?"
"I said thank you," I'm smiling sweetly. So sweetly its sick.
"GET OUT!" she yells half laughing as she points to the door. I start laughing too as I scurry away and make a bee line for Josh's office. Unfortunately, I'm stopped when I see none other than Doctor Bartlet sitting at my desk. If Josh's door were open right now he'd be having a nutty I'm sure of it.
"Doctor Bartlet," I say smiling at her. I've been smiling so much in the last couple of minute that I think my jaw is actually beginning to hurt.
"Good afternoon Donna," she speaks and stands which is odd because usually it's the other way around. But this seems to be the strangest day of my life thus far so, yanno, I'm not really going to question it. "You've been holding out on me," she adds with a smile as she picks a stray hair off of the shoulder of my sweater. I smile. It's been a long time since I've seen my own mother and it feels nice to once and while be doted upon by the First Lady. "Harvard..." and here she goes with the proud grin. I wonder who told her.
"Yes ma'am..."
"Abbey Donna, for petes sake would you please call me Abbey."
I smile.
"Abbey I... I was going to tell you but I wasn't sure until... well now I guess. It's just..." I pause. "How did you find out?
She laughs. Doctor Bartlet's is another distinctive laugh that I'm going to miss.
"Little know fact," she begins. "My husband's eavesdropping skills rival any women in this building's," she is grinning. "We'll just leave it at that."
I'm smiling so widely that I think maybe my jaw might crack.
"We're so PROUD of you," she adds, pulling me into a hug. I can't help it; there are immediately tears in my eyes.
And this is how Josh finds us minutes later.
"Donna," he bellows, opening his door. I hear him, hell I even seem him, but I make no attempt to move. "Doctor Bartlet," he immediately seems embarrassed. I'm not sure if its because he yelled or because of the position I'm in, the position we're in, the First Lady and I.
"Oh Joshua," Doctor Bartlet turns to him. "Can you believe," she holds me at arms length. "Our little Donna, all grown up."
Josh and I both grown and Doctor Bartlet laughs.
"Beautiful isn't she?" Doctor Bartlet adds with one of her timeless grins.
"Yes Ma'am," Josh is smiling. "She really is."
I think I blush about twenty-seven shades of reds and pinks. This day just keeps getting weirder and weirder.
"I take it you had something important you needed her for?" Doctor Bartlet suggests turning to Josh.
"I..." Josh stumbles but only for a moment. "Yes Ma'am."
"Well then," she smoothes her skirt as she makes a move to leave. "I'll be seeing you two at dinner I assume."
"Yes Ma'am," Josh and I reply in unison and we both watch as Doctor Bartlet, the confident superwoman that I aspire to be, saunters away.