The Great Plot Bunny Caper
Part 3 – Did I just hear music?
Colonel Hogan sat at the table in the barracks, across from Newkirk and Carter. He looked at his watch. "I hope they get back soon," he said. "This crazy writer has already started."
Just then, the door opened and Kinch, Baker and LeBeau walked in. "Sorry we're later Colonel," Kinch said. "There was a line in the Kantine."
"I know Kinch," Hogan replied. "It was a short break."
"I sure hope the Fan Fiction Character Union doesn't hear about this," Baker said.
"What do we care, Baker," LeBeau said and then gestured towards the computer screen. "He's the one that will get into trouble."
"Don't worry about that, guys," Hogan said. "We've got to start planning what we can do about Hochstetter and his plan. If he is able to complete that map of his and track all our Allied Plot Bunnies to their source, he'll be able to wipe out the entire Allied Fan Fiction Writer Corps."
"But if they are all like the joker we are working with now, wouldn't we be better off?" Newkirk asked.
"Hey, I was going to ask that!" Carter exclaimed.
"Don't blame me Carter, it was him," Newkirk said, glaring at the figure behind the computer screen.
"Alright, hold it down men," Hogan said, trying to stop the bickering before the whole chapter wasted away. "But not all writers are as loopy as this one, Carter."
"Colonel, I was the one that asked the question, not Carter," Newkirk said.
"But I was going to," Carter retorted.
"It doesn't matter!" Hogan said loudly. "If Hochstetter is able to wipe out the Allied Fan Fiction Writer Corps, then our fandom will be doomed."
A thundering noise of dramatic music shook the barracks. The men looked around.
"What in the bloody 'ell was that?" LeBeau asked.
Newkirk sighed. "Now LeBeau is taking my lines," he said. "Colonel, isn't there something we can do about this?"
"Later Newkirk, I'm trying to figure out what that was," Hogan replied. "It happened right after I said our fandom would be doomed."
The thundering noise appeared again. A flash of realization struck Hogan and he buried his face in his hands muttering, "Oh no, not that."
"What Colonel?" Kinch asked.
"They've got sound effects now," Hogan replied. A collective groan escaped from the men.
"Our fandom will be doomed," Carter said excitedly.
The dramatic music rumbled. "Carter! Cut it out!" Hogan exclaimed.
"Sorry Colonel, I just thought it was so neat," Carter replied.
"You would," Newkirk muttered.
The barracks door opened and Schultz rushed into the room. "Colonel Hogan, please!" the rotund German sergeant pleaded. "The Kommandant will be mad to hear all of this noise at this time of night."
"Sorry Schultz, it's not our fault. They've added sound effects to this chapter," Hogan responded. "And did you notice that you've been described as 'rotund' this time?"
The fleshy sergeant snorted. "How can I be described as rotund? I didn't even get a real apfel strudel in the last chapter," he replied. "I'm wasting away here."
The men laughed. "We can see that Schultz," Newkirk joked, poking the corpulent guard. "Aw blimey, this guy's got his thesaurus again. Rotund, Fleshy, Corpulent. I can't take much more of this!"
Colonel Hogan sighed and looked at the reader. "Are you as tired of this as I am?" Then rising from the table, he ushered Schultz towards the door. "Sorry Schultz, we'll try to keep it down. But we have to make our plans now."
"You haven't done that yet?" a surprised Schultz asked.
"With the quality of writing in this story, are you surprised?" Hogan retorted.
Schultz shook his head. "No, I guess not," he said. "But you better hurry up, or this chapter will be doomed!"
The thundering noise from the sound effects shook the barracks again. "Don't say that word!" Hogan admonished. "I think this chapter has gone on forever already."
"Hey Colonel, what a great use of a simile," Carter said.
"No Carter, that was irony," LeBeau said.
"No, I think that was a metaphor," Kinch corrected.
"Actually, it was a hyperbole," Hogan said. "But that doesn't matter now," he said through clenched teeth and then turned towards the writer. "Would you please stop this and get to our plan before we are all doomed!" As soon as he said it, he regretted it.
The thundering noise shook the barracks.
"Colonel, why don't we radio London and tell them the situation," Kinch said slowly.
"Thanks again Kinch," Hogan said. "You really know how to get the story back on track."
"So should we radio London now?" Baker asked.
Hogan sighed. "I'm afraid it will have to wait. We've run out of time for this chapter."
"Maybe we will be doomed after all," Carter said.
The dramatic music shook the rafters again. Schultz opened the door and yelled "Colonel Hogan, Please!"
"Hey Schultz, how come you just opened the door again when you never left the last time?" Newkirk asked.
"Ach du liebe," exclaimed Schultz. "First historical inaccuracy and now we can't even have plot continuity."
"Makes you glad to be in this story, doesn't it?" Hogan asked.
"General Burkhalter is the lucky one," Schultz said. "He doesn't appear in this story at all."
The barracks door opened and General Albert Burkhalter walked into the barracks clad in pajamas and a pair of bunny slippers. "Schultz you dummkopf!" he screamed. "They brought me in for a cameo appearance just because you mentioned my name!"
Part 3 – Did I just hear music?
Colonel Hogan sat at the table in the barracks, across from Newkirk and Carter. He looked at his watch. "I hope they get back soon," he said. "This crazy writer has already started."
Just then, the door opened and Kinch, Baker and LeBeau walked in. "Sorry we're later Colonel," Kinch said. "There was a line in the Kantine."
"I know Kinch," Hogan replied. "It was a short break."
"I sure hope the Fan Fiction Character Union doesn't hear about this," Baker said.
"What do we care, Baker," LeBeau said and then gestured towards the computer screen. "He's the one that will get into trouble."
"Don't worry about that, guys," Hogan said. "We've got to start planning what we can do about Hochstetter and his plan. If he is able to complete that map of his and track all our Allied Plot Bunnies to their source, he'll be able to wipe out the entire Allied Fan Fiction Writer Corps."
"But if they are all like the joker we are working with now, wouldn't we be better off?" Newkirk asked.
"Hey, I was going to ask that!" Carter exclaimed.
"Don't blame me Carter, it was him," Newkirk said, glaring at the figure behind the computer screen.
"Alright, hold it down men," Hogan said, trying to stop the bickering before the whole chapter wasted away. "But not all writers are as loopy as this one, Carter."
"Colonel, I was the one that asked the question, not Carter," Newkirk said.
"But I was going to," Carter retorted.
"It doesn't matter!" Hogan said loudly. "If Hochstetter is able to wipe out the Allied Fan Fiction Writer Corps, then our fandom will be doomed."
A thundering noise of dramatic music shook the barracks. The men looked around.
"What in the bloody 'ell was that?" LeBeau asked.
Newkirk sighed. "Now LeBeau is taking my lines," he said. "Colonel, isn't there something we can do about this?"
"Later Newkirk, I'm trying to figure out what that was," Hogan replied. "It happened right after I said our fandom would be doomed."
The thundering noise appeared again. A flash of realization struck Hogan and he buried his face in his hands muttering, "Oh no, not that."
"What Colonel?" Kinch asked.
"They've got sound effects now," Hogan replied. A collective groan escaped from the men.
"Our fandom will be doomed," Carter said excitedly.
The dramatic music rumbled. "Carter! Cut it out!" Hogan exclaimed.
"Sorry Colonel, I just thought it was so neat," Carter replied.
"You would," Newkirk muttered.
The barracks door opened and Schultz rushed into the room. "Colonel Hogan, please!" the rotund German sergeant pleaded. "The Kommandant will be mad to hear all of this noise at this time of night."
"Sorry Schultz, it's not our fault. They've added sound effects to this chapter," Hogan responded. "And did you notice that you've been described as 'rotund' this time?"
The fleshy sergeant snorted. "How can I be described as rotund? I didn't even get a real apfel strudel in the last chapter," he replied. "I'm wasting away here."
The men laughed. "We can see that Schultz," Newkirk joked, poking the corpulent guard. "Aw blimey, this guy's got his thesaurus again. Rotund, Fleshy, Corpulent. I can't take much more of this!"
Colonel Hogan sighed and looked at the reader. "Are you as tired of this as I am?" Then rising from the table, he ushered Schultz towards the door. "Sorry Schultz, we'll try to keep it down. But we have to make our plans now."
"You haven't done that yet?" a surprised Schultz asked.
"With the quality of writing in this story, are you surprised?" Hogan retorted.
Schultz shook his head. "No, I guess not," he said. "But you better hurry up, or this chapter will be doomed!"
The thundering noise from the sound effects shook the barracks again. "Don't say that word!" Hogan admonished. "I think this chapter has gone on forever already."
"Hey Colonel, what a great use of a simile," Carter said.
"No Carter, that was irony," LeBeau said.
"No, I think that was a metaphor," Kinch corrected.
"Actually, it was a hyperbole," Hogan said. "But that doesn't matter now," he said through clenched teeth and then turned towards the writer. "Would you please stop this and get to our plan before we are all doomed!" As soon as he said it, he regretted it.
The thundering noise shook the barracks.
"Colonel, why don't we radio London and tell them the situation," Kinch said slowly.
"Thanks again Kinch," Hogan said. "You really know how to get the story back on track."
"So should we radio London now?" Baker asked.
Hogan sighed. "I'm afraid it will have to wait. We've run out of time for this chapter."
"Maybe we will be doomed after all," Carter said.
The dramatic music shook the rafters again. Schultz opened the door and yelled "Colonel Hogan, Please!"
"Hey Schultz, how come you just opened the door again when you never left the last time?" Newkirk asked.
"Ach du liebe," exclaimed Schultz. "First historical inaccuracy and now we can't even have plot continuity."
"Makes you glad to be in this story, doesn't it?" Hogan asked.
"General Burkhalter is the lucky one," Schultz said. "He doesn't appear in this story at all."
The barracks door opened and General Albert Burkhalter walked into the barracks clad in pajamas and a pair of bunny slippers. "Schultz you dummkopf!" he screamed. "They brought me in for a cameo appearance just because you mentioned my name!"