The Great Plot Bunny Caper
Part 4 – My kingdom for a plan!
"Our operation will be doomed," Carter said expectantly. He looked up at the rafters in the barracks. Nothing happened.
"Carter, what are you doing?" Newkirk asked.
"I just wanted to hear the sound effects again," Carter replied. "It looks like we don't get any for this chapter."
"Thank heavens," Hogan said.
"I wonder what will happen in this chapter," LeBeau mused.
"Hey LeBeau, I didn't know you knew how to muse." Carter said. "When did you learn to do that?"
"What are you talking about Carter?" LeBeau asked.
"You mused. See, look there," Carter said, pointing three lines back.
Newkirk looked to where Carter was pointing. "Well I'll be. Carter's right, you did muse LeBeau," Newkirk exclaimed.
"And I didn't even realize it," LeBeau said with a smile. "I must be getting good at this."
"Don't let it go to your head," Hogan said. "We still have to come up with a plan. We're two chapters late."
Just then the door opened and Kommandant Klink walked in. Hogan looked surprised. "Hi there Kommandant. What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I just wanted to make an appearance," Klink replied. "I haven't been used since the first chapter and I was getting bored waiting around."
"Oh," Hogan said. "Diiiiiiiis-misssssssed Kommandant!"
"Hogan, that's my line," Klink said.
"There's been a lot of that going on around here lately," Kinch said.
"Must be this wonderful writer we have," Klink said. "You know, I hear that he's working on a story featuring Vladimir Minsk."
"Vladimir?" Newkirk asked surprisingly. "But he was only around for the pilot!"
"I know," Klink replied. "it really makes a lot of sense, doesn't it?"
"Actually, it does really," Hogan said. "After all, this same author has thrown historical accuracy out the window in chapter two and messed up the plot continuity in chapter 3. Why not mess with the character continuity in this chapter."
Klink waved his hand dismissively. "No matter. I have faith in the readers. They'll keep him in line." Klink opened the door. "Well, you'd better get back to your planning. Do you realize that you are two chapters late with this plan?"
Hogan sighed. "Yes, I know."
After Klink left, Hogan looked around at the men. "Alright, does anyone have any bright ideas?"
Newkirk chimed up. "How about we steal the map from the barracks, and when Klink realizes it is missing and searches us, we can drop it in the well in the compound and send Carter down to retrieve it later."
"How about we don't," Carter said.
"No, we can't do that again," Hogan said. "The well was only there for one episode."
"Oh, you mean like the brick steps leading to Klink's office?" Baker said.
"Yes, just like those steps," Hogan said. "Any other ideas?"
"We could ride to Paris on the roof of Klink's car," LeBeau mused.
"LeBeau, just because you mused once doesn't mean you have to muse all the time!" Hogan said. "Besides, the map is here in camp, not in Paris."
"No, I'm Major Hochstetter," Hochstetter said.
"But you are dressed like Colonel Feldkamp," Hogan replied.
Hochstetter looked down at his clothes. "Those fools in wardrobe gave me the wrong uniform!" he said. "Bah!" He turned and stormed out of the barracks, slamming the door behind him.
After Hochstetter left, Kinch piped up. "Colonel, what if we could convince Hochstetter that the war was over, like we did before when he had those underground agents prisoner."
"I don't remember that one Kinch," Carter said.
"Of course not Carter, you weren't in that episode," Kinch replied.
"That's right, and you never did tell us where you were," Newkirk said. "You left us a man short with no notice. We had to ask Father Mulcahy from MASH to fill in for you."
"As I told you then, it's none of your business Newkirk," Carter said.
"Newkirk, give it a rest," Hogan said. "He told me, and I approved his absence. Besides, if he doesn't want to tell you, he doesn't have to tell you." Hogan turned to Carter, "And how was Mady when you saw her Carter?" he asked.
Carter beamed. "She was fine Colonel," he said. "She said to tell you hello." Carter paused. "Hey no fair Colonel! You promised you wouldn't tell."
Hogan smiled. "Don't blame me, blame the writer!"
As Carter silently fumed, the door to the barracks opened again.
"Ah, Major Hochstetter, what are you doing here?" Hogan asked. "You're not supposed to be here yet."
Hochstetter took a booklet of paper from inside of his coat. "But it says here in the script that I was to come in sometime in the middle of chapter 4."
Hogan sighed. "Yes, I know. But you see we've been having some trouble with the writer for this story and we're running behind. We still haven't come up with our plan yet."
"You haven't?" Hochstetter said. "But that was supposed to be in chapter 2!"
"I know, but we keep getting sidetracked," Hogan said.
"Hogan, I don't want to tell you how to run your operation," Hochstetter said. "But if you don't hurry up and make your plan, these Plot Bunnies are going to get out of control."
Hogan sighed again. He was tired of sighing, but that darned writer kept making him do it. "I know Major, we're working on it."
Major Hochstetter was mumbling to himself as he walked out the door.
"Colonel Hogan, I will radio London and ask that they send us an expert on Plot Bunnies," Kinch said slowly.
"Kinch, do you always have to talk that way when you are getting the story back on track?" Hogan asked. "I appreciate that you do manage to get us back to the point of the story, but it sounds like you are reading a script or something."
Kinch smiled and showed Colonel Hogan the piece of paper in his hand. "I am reading a script Colonel."
"Oh," Hogan said. "Then Kinch, why don't you go and radio London and ask them to send an expert on Plot Bunnies."
"Hey, that's not fair Colonel," Baker said. "It's my turn to radio London. Kinch got to do it last time."
Hogan sighed. He was glad that this chapter was almost over. If he had to sigh one more time, he was going to scream.
Kinch spoke up. "No problem Baker, you can radio London this time."
"Our operation will be doomed," Carter said, looking at the rafters.
"Carter!" Hogan yelled.
"Well, it was worth a shot," Carter said sheepishly.
Hogan sighed. Moments later, the silence of the room was shattered by a loud scream.
Part 4 – My kingdom for a plan!
"Our operation will be doomed," Carter said expectantly. He looked up at the rafters in the barracks. Nothing happened.
"Carter, what are you doing?" Newkirk asked.
"I just wanted to hear the sound effects again," Carter replied. "It looks like we don't get any for this chapter."
"Thank heavens," Hogan said.
"I wonder what will happen in this chapter," LeBeau mused.
"Hey LeBeau, I didn't know you knew how to muse." Carter said. "When did you learn to do that?"
"What are you talking about Carter?" LeBeau asked.
"You mused. See, look there," Carter said, pointing three lines back.
Newkirk looked to where Carter was pointing. "Well I'll be. Carter's right, you did muse LeBeau," Newkirk exclaimed.
"And I didn't even realize it," LeBeau said with a smile. "I must be getting good at this."
"Don't let it go to your head," Hogan said. "We still have to come up with a plan. We're two chapters late."
Just then the door opened and Kommandant Klink walked in. Hogan looked surprised. "Hi there Kommandant. What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I just wanted to make an appearance," Klink replied. "I haven't been used since the first chapter and I was getting bored waiting around."
"Oh," Hogan said. "Diiiiiiiis-misssssssed Kommandant!"
"Hogan, that's my line," Klink said.
"There's been a lot of that going on around here lately," Kinch said.
"Must be this wonderful writer we have," Klink said. "You know, I hear that he's working on a story featuring Vladimir Minsk."
"Vladimir?" Newkirk asked surprisingly. "But he was only around for the pilot!"
"I know," Klink replied. "it really makes a lot of sense, doesn't it?"
"Actually, it does really," Hogan said. "After all, this same author has thrown historical accuracy out the window in chapter two and messed up the plot continuity in chapter 3. Why not mess with the character continuity in this chapter."
Klink waved his hand dismissively. "No matter. I have faith in the readers. They'll keep him in line." Klink opened the door. "Well, you'd better get back to your planning. Do you realize that you are two chapters late with this plan?"
Hogan sighed. "Yes, I know."
After Klink left, Hogan looked around at the men. "Alright, does anyone have any bright ideas?"
Newkirk chimed up. "How about we steal the map from the barracks, and when Klink realizes it is missing and searches us, we can drop it in the well in the compound and send Carter down to retrieve it later."
"How about we don't," Carter said.
"No, we can't do that again," Hogan said. "The well was only there for one episode."
"Oh, you mean like the brick steps leading to Klink's office?" Baker said.
"Yes, just like those steps," Hogan said. "Any other ideas?"
"We could ride to Paris on the roof of Klink's car," LeBeau mused.
"LeBeau, just because you mused once doesn't mean you have to muse all the time!" Hogan said. "Besides, the map is here in camp, not in Paris."
Just then the door to the barracks opened, and a man walked into the room.
"Colonel Feldkamp?" Hogan asked."No, I'm Major Hochstetter," Hochstetter said.
"But you are dressed like Colonel Feldkamp," Hogan replied.
Hochstetter looked down at his clothes. "Those fools in wardrobe gave me the wrong uniform!" he said. "Bah!" He turned and stormed out of the barracks, slamming the door behind him.
After Hochstetter left, Kinch piped up. "Colonel, what if we could convince Hochstetter that the war was over, like we did before when he had those underground agents prisoner."
"I don't remember that one Kinch," Carter said.
"Of course not Carter, you weren't in that episode," Kinch replied.
"That's right, and you never did tell us where you were," Newkirk said. "You left us a man short with no notice. We had to ask Father Mulcahy from MASH to fill in for you."
"As I told you then, it's none of your business Newkirk," Carter said.
"Newkirk, give it a rest," Hogan said. "He told me, and I approved his absence. Besides, if he doesn't want to tell you, he doesn't have to tell you." Hogan turned to Carter, "And how was Mady when you saw her Carter?" he asked.
Carter beamed. "She was fine Colonel," he said. "She said to tell you hello." Carter paused. "Hey no fair Colonel! You promised you wouldn't tell."
Hogan smiled. "Don't blame me, blame the writer!"
As Carter silently fumed, the door to the barracks opened again.
"Ah, Major Hochstetter, what are you doing here?" Hogan asked. "You're not supposed to be here yet."
Hochstetter took a booklet of paper from inside of his coat. "But it says here in the script that I was to come in sometime in the middle of chapter 4."
Hogan sighed. "Yes, I know. But you see we've been having some trouble with the writer for this story and we're running behind. We still haven't come up with our plan yet."
"You haven't?" Hochstetter said. "But that was supposed to be in chapter 2!"
"I know, but we keep getting sidetracked," Hogan said.
"Hogan, I don't want to tell you how to run your operation," Hochstetter said. "But if you don't hurry up and make your plan, these Plot Bunnies are going to get out of control."
Hogan sighed again. He was tired of sighing, but that darned writer kept making him do it. "I know Major, we're working on it."
Major Hochstetter was mumbling to himself as he walked out the door.
"Colonel Hogan, I will radio London and ask that they send us an expert on Plot Bunnies," Kinch said slowly.
"Kinch, do you always have to talk that way when you are getting the story back on track?" Hogan asked. "I appreciate that you do manage to get us back to the point of the story, but it sounds like you are reading a script or something."
Kinch smiled and showed Colonel Hogan the piece of paper in his hand. "I am reading a script Colonel."
"Oh," Hogan said. "Then Kinch, why don't you go and radio London and ask them to send an expert on Plot Bunnies."
"Hey, that's not fair Colonel," Baker said. "It's my turn to radio London. Kinch got to do it last time."
Hogan sighed. He was glad that this chapter was almost over. If he had to sigh one more time, he was going to scream.
Kinch spoke up. "No problem Baker, you can radio London this time."
"Our operation will be doomed," Carter said, looking at the rafters.
"Carter!" Hogan yelled.
"Well, it was worth a shot," Carter said sheepishly.
Hogan sighed. Moments later, the silence of the room was shattered by a loud scream.