The Great Plot Bunny Caper
Part 5 – Mary Sue, Where are you?
Hogan sat in the radio room with Kinch, Baker and Carter. Newkirk and LeBeau were getting ready to go and pick up the specialist that London was sending to help them.
Both men appeared at the door, and Hogan was about ready to ask if they were all set to go when two other men appeared behind them. One man was tall and lean, with brown hair and the other had white hair and was a little shorter, though not as short as LeBeau, and almost stocky. Both men seemed to have ears that looked too big for their heads.
LeBeau looked quickly at the computer screen. "Hey, watch it! No short jokes in this story!"
Hogan waved him off. "Ignore him. He's caused enough trouble. You two sure were quick," Hogan said. "I didn't even know you had gone."
"We haven't," Newkirk said.
What?" Hogan asked. "Then who are these guys?"
The tall man spoke, "My name is Jack, and this is Peter," he said, indicating his friend. "We were sent by London."
"But if they didn't go out to get you, how did you get here?" Hogan asked. "How did you find the place?"
"Oh it was pretty easy," Jack said. "We're pretty good at finding tunnels underground."
"But we usually go and pick up the people dropped from the planes," Hogan said.
"I guess the writer was too lazy to write that scene and decided that it was easier for us to just show up," Peter said. "You know how these writers are."
"Don't I ever," Hogan replied. "So London sent you to take care of our Plot Bunny problem, right?"
Peter looked at Jack. "No Colonel," he said. "We're from the Fan Fiction Writers Rogue Plot Device Disposal Squad."
"The what?" Hogan asked.
"Colonel, please don't ask us to repeat that," Jack said. "We've been sent here to take care of the map that your Major Hochstetter is creating. You see, having a plot device such as that in your stories can lead to the proliferation of fiction that deviates wildly from your accepted fandom universe."
"Like this one," Hogan said dryly.
"I'm afraid this story is beyond hope, even if we are successful in removing the rogue plot device," Peter said.
"Ain't that the truth!" Kinch exclaimed.
"But you didn't come to help us with our Plot Bunny problem?" Hogan asked again.
"No, but ..." Jack started to say. As he spoke, a white blur flashed down the tunnel behind him. The flash returned, scooted through between the men, and stopped in front of Colonel Hogan, panting. "But he will help you Colonel."
Colonel Hogan looked down in disbelief. Sitting in front of him was a black and white spotted Dalmatian. It sat, panting and looking up at the Colonel.
"Colonel Hogan, it's a dog!" Carter exclaimed.
"Really Carter? I hadn't noticed," Hogan said.
"London sent us ... this?" Hogan asked the two men.
Peter shook his head. "London didn't send him, Colonel. His name is Atlas, and I believe he is the pet of the writer," he said.
Hogan's jaw dropped. "You've got to be kidding me," he said. Both Jack and Peter shook there heads. Atlas nudged at Colonel Hogan's hand, trying to get him to pet him. Hogan looked at the animal, and then at his men. "You know what this means, don't you?" he asked.
"It means that this story has really gone to the dogs," Kinch said.
Hogan looked at him. "There is that. But is also means that we are now in the middle of a Mary Sue story. It's a twisted one, but it's a Mary Sue nonetheless."
A collective groan rose from the group of regulars, except for Carter. He had a quizzical expression on his face. "I don't get it sir," he said. "They said his name is Atlas, not Mary Sue."
Newkirk leaned forward and put his hand on Carter's shoulder. "I'll explain it later Carter," he said.
Hogan was rubbing his temples. "So this dog will help us with our Plot Bunnies?" he asked.
Jack nodded. "Plot Bunnies, Plot Kitties, Plot Squirrels, Plot Skunks. You name it," he said.
"He ought to do well in this story then," Newkirk said. "If there ever was a Plot Skunk, this would be it!"
"I was thinking more of Plot Roadkill," Kinch said. "I don't think it's even reached the high level of Plot Skunk yet."
Atlas had begun sniffing around the floor of the radio room. Hogan watched him, still rubbing his temples.
"So how did you guys get here from London?" Carter asked.
"We flew, of course," Jack said. "It's kind of far to walk, so we parachuted in."
"But what about the dog? Did he jump from the plane too?" Carter asked.
"Well, actually, we pushed him out," Peter said.
"You pushed him out of the plane? You mean he had a parachute on? Carter asked.
The rest of the group was sitting around looking bored. All of them were thinking that if the writer wasn't going to use them anymore in this chapter, they could leave.
Peter looked at Carter and said, "If you were going to jump from ..."
"Or be pushed from," Jack interrupted.
"Or be pushed form a plane, wouldn't you have a parachute on?" Peter asked.
"Of course," Carter said. "I'm not dumb!"
"Well, you're at least as smart as the dog then," Peter said dryly.
At that moment, Atlas rushed from the room and ran down one of the tunnels. "What's he doing?" Hogan asked.
"My guess is that he caught scent of one of your Plot Bunnies," Jack responded.
"Most likely he's just trying to get out of this story." Baker said.
"Hey Baker, you finally got a line in this chapter!" Kinch said, slapping his friends shoulder.
Part 5 – Mary Sue, Where are you?
Hogan sat in the radio room with Kinch, Baker and Carter. Newkirk and LeBeau were getting ready to go and pick up the specialist that London was sending to help them.
Both men appeared at the door, and Hogan was about ready to ask if they were all set to go when two other men appeared behind them. One man was tall and lean, with brown hair and the other had white hair and was a little shorter, though not as short as LeBeau, and almost stocky. Both men seemed to have ears that looked too big for their heads.
LeBeau looked quickly at the computer screen. "Hey, watch it! No short jokes in this story!"
Hogan waved him off. "Ignore him. He's caused enough trouble. You two sure were quick," Hogan said. "I didn't even know you had gone."
"We haven't," Newkirk said.
What?" Hogan asked. "Then who are these guys?"
The tall man spoke, "My name is Jack, and this is Peter," he said, indicating his friend. "We were sent by London."
"But if they didn't go out to get you, how did you get here?" Hogan asked. "How did you find the place?"
"Oh it was pretty easy," Jack said. "We're pretty good at finding tunnels underground."
"But we usually go and pick up the people dropped from the planes," Hogan said.
"I guess the writer was too lazy to write that scene and decided that it was easier for us to just show up," Peter said. "You know how these writers are."
"Don't I ever," Hogan replied. "So London sent you to take care of our Plot Bunny problem, right?"
Peter looked at Jack. "No Colonel," he said. "We're from the Fan Fiction Writers Rogue Plot Device Disposal Squad."
"The what?" Hogan asked.
"Colonel, please don't ask us to repeat that," Jack said. "We've been sent here to take care of the map that your Major Hochstetter is creating. You see, having a plot device such as that in your stories can lead to the proliferation of fiction that deviates wildly from your accepted fandom universe."
"Like this one," Hogan said dryly.
"I'm afraid this story is beyond hope, even if we are successful in removing the rogue plot device," Peter said.
"Ain't that the truth!" Kinch exclaimed.
"But you didn't come to help us with our Plot Bunny problem?" Hogan asked again.
"No, but ..." Jack started to say. As he spoke, a white blur flashed down the tunnel behind him. The flash returned, scooted through between the men, and stopped in front of Colonel Hogan, panting. "But he will help you Colonel."
Colonel Hogan looked down in disbelief. Sitting in front of him was a black and white spotted Dalmatian. It sat, panting and looking up at the Colonel.
"Colonel Hogan, it's a dog!" Carter exclaimed.
"Really Carter? I hadn't noticed," Hogan said.
"London sent us ... this?" Hogan asked the two men.
Peter shook his head. "London didn't send him, Colonel. His name is Atlas, and I believe he is the pet of the writer," he said.
Hogan's jaw dropped. "You've got to be kidding me," he said. Both Jack and Peter shook there heads. Atlas nudged at Colonel Hogan's hand, trying to get him to pet him. Hogan looked at the animal, and then at his men. "You know what this means, don't you?" he asked.
"It means that this story has really gone to the dogs," Kinch said.
Hogan looked at him. "There is that. But is also means that we are now in the middle of a Mary Sue story. It's a twisted one, but it's a Mary Sue nonetheless."
A collective groan rose from the group of regulars, except for Carter. He had a quizzical expression on his face. "I don't get it sir," he said. "They said his name is Atlas, not Mary Sue."
Newkirk leaned forward and put his hand on Carter's shoulder. "I'll explain it later Carter," he said.
Hogan was rubbing his temples. "So this dog will help us with our Plot Bunnies?" he asked.
Jack nodded. "Plot Bunnies, Plot Kitties, Plot Squirrels, Plot Skunks. You name it," he said.
"He ought to do well in this story then," Newkirk said. "If there ever was a Plot Skunk, this would be it!"
"I was thinking more of Plot Roadkill," Kinch said. "I don't think it's even reached the high level of Plot Skunk yet."
Atlas had begun sniffing around the floor of the radio room. Hogan watched him, still rubbing his temples.
"So how did you guys get here from London?" Carter asked.
"We flew, of course," Jack said. "It's kind of far to walk, so we parachuted in."
"But what about the dog? Did he jump from the plane too?" Carter asked.
"Well, actually, we pushed him out," Peter said.
"You pushed him out of the plane? You mean he had a parachute on? Carter asked.
The rest of the group was sitting around looking bored. All of them were thinking that if the writer wasn't going to use them anymore in this chapter, they could leave.
Peter looked at Carter and said, "If you were going to jump from ..."
"Or be pushed from," Jack interrupted.
"Or be pushed form a plane, wouldn't you have a parachute on?" Peter asked.
"Of course," Carter said. "I'm not dumb!"
"Well, you're at least as smart as the dog then," Peter said dryly.
At that moment, Atlas rushed from the room and ran down one of the tunnels. "What's he doing?" Hogan asked.
"My guess is that he caught scent of one of your Plot Bunnies," Jack responded.
"Most likely he's just trying to get out of this story." Baker said.
"Hey Baker, you finally got a line in this chapter!" Kinch said, slapping his friends shoulder.