Secondmonth 1104
It wasn't long after Life Day that Luke Skywalker left the Fleet to join the search for Solo. Leia was more withdrawn without him, more driven. One evening she called me up to talk to because 'I want to hear someone call me Leia'. Though sometimes we spoke of our childhood, we never talked about Alderaan's destruction. It hurt too much.
One morning Vega, coming off the night shift told me that a priority message had just come for the Princess 'from that Force-forsaken hole Skywalker and company are on'.
"Huh?" I propped myself up on one elbow.
"I thought you would be interested, being so friendly with her."
"She and Luke have been having a high-priority argument for the last week," I mumbled, rubbing my eyes. "And can't you come in a bit more quietly? We were working late last night."
"You may as well get up; you must have had eight hours."
"Urgh. Well, I didn't join the Rebellion for my beauty sleep, I suppose-"
I met Leia between the main canteen and the rec room. I knew at once her news had been good.
"Keitin! Lando's seen him!"
She grabbed my hands and we did an impromptu war dance in the middle of the corridor. Leia's face was shining, brimming with contagious joy.
"Breakfast on my tab," Leia said, beaming. "If it's breakfast for you, that is?"
I nodded, and we squeezed into the canteen, Leia giving sunny greetings to everyone we passed.
"Well?" I prompted as I sat down, leaning my elbows on the table-top. Leia sobered, pursing her lips.
"Lando got into Jabba's hide-out. Apparently Han's still in carbonite, and hanging on the wall"
"On the wall?"
"Like some kind of-of trophy," Leia confirmed, her voice brittle. I waited silently until she went on, "It's a relief to know he's there, at least. And there's not a lot can happen to him in the carbonite-Jabba could have thawed him out and done something worse."
"So now?"
Leia smiled. "Now I'm going to persuade the High Command that a sting operation on Jabba the Hutt is a good idea."
-----
Fourthmonth 1104
For some reason, the High Command, after keeping Leia dangling for a couple of weeks, turned her down flat.
"And Dodonna bleating like a sick nerf-calf, 'I think your emotions are clouding your judgement, my dear.' Of course my emotions are clouding my blasted judgement!" Leia ranted to me afterwards. She flung herself into the nearest chair and scribbled on a piece of flimsiplast.
"Get that coded and send it off to Luke, would you?"
-----
Despite soothing messages that clearly bore the mark of a worried Luke, Leia insisted on setting off for Tatooine shortly after that. He, like most other people, couldn't help but capitulate to a determined Leia.
"Just because I'm female doesn't mean I'm going to sit around while everyone else does the dangerous jobs," she told me as she packed. "Have I ever done that? I mean, it's sweet of him, and he wouldn't be Luke if he wasn't being protective, but I can look after myself! The number of times I've saved his skin-! Anyway, who's in love with Han?"
"Threepio?" I suggested, sabacc-faced. Leia laughed.
"It's certainly unrequited, then! Oh, the joys of being short-" She held a pair of uniform trousers against her waist; the cuffs trailed past her boots.
"Well, at least you have a figure you don't have to look for with a microscope," I said consolingly, waving a hand at myself.
"Thanks, Keitin-for everything," Leia said as I left.
"I hope everything goes okay. May the Force be with you," I replied awkwardly.
Sixthmonth 1104
"Something big is on," Vega said. I tugged a comb through the ends of my wet hair.
"Afoot," I suggested.
"Yeah, good word-something is afoot. I'm certain of it. We've never been so busy in comm, and all the officers are permanently in meetings. The whole place feels different, like we're gearing up for something."
"Some big assault, perhaps," I suggested, brushing the curl out of my hair.
"Yes. I hardly see Tycho these days, he's so busy training on this new fighter."
"Should you be telling me that?" I asked absently.
"Oh, fudge, you're not going to tell anyone, are you? You're such a close-mouthed little thing-I don't mean that in a bad way," she added reassuringly. I shrugged. I had always known I listened more than I talked. Both Vega and Leia, in their different ways, were talkers-I supposed that was part of the reason I was friends with them.
"Have you seen that Imperial defector, Madine?" Vega asked.
"Have you seen his haircut?" I responded, laughing.
"You know, there's a limit to what natural good looks can do to alleviate a really bad haircut," Vega grinned. "I'm sure he's nice enough, but I can't pass him in the corridor without wanting to snigger."
"Wedge says Han said he wasn't trustworthy," I said vaguely.
"Since when was the third-hand word of Captain Solo good enough, and since when was he 'Han'?"
I twirled my hairbrush. "Oh, I have a thing for unattainable men-I thought I might as well go for the ultimate: not only frozen and captured by a galactic crime lord, but in love with the princess to boot."
"Why not Rieekan, or-I know! Madine!"
I threw the hairbrush at her, but she fielded it deftly.
"Eww! Vega!"
-----
Vega had been right about what was happening. The ships moved to a rendezvous near Sullust, to join with the rest of the Alliance's starships. Mon Calamari and Sullustians became as common in our ranks as humanoids. Rumours flew about the fleet, from suggestions of strafing Coruscant to engaging the Imperial Fleet directly.
"A new Death Star, even bigger than the first." I refused to believe it when I heard it. I ran to the nearest head and locked myself in until I had stopped shaking.
"It can't make any difference to me," I told myself firmly. "A thousand Death Stars couldn't make home any more gone than it already is. And as for dying, I've been in danger of that for five years."
I had been sending messages to Ari, frequently at first, thought they had dropped off since Hoth's evacuation. I handed the canister to someone who was on a likely-looking mission that would bring them into contact with someone from Supply, and hopefully it would be passed on. Everyone did this sort of thing, trying to keep in contact with their families. It was very hit-and-miss; I'd had only one message form Ari since we had parted, though whether that was the success rate of the informal mail, or just bad letter-writing on Ari's part, was debatable. The second message arrived with some of the troops gathering at Sullust.
Keit: I hope this reaches you, and you are all right. I haven't heard from you in an age, and there have been rumours. Take care of yourself, Keitin. The kid and I are just the same as ever. The old girl continues to do well. She had her repulsorlifts reconditioned and is very nippy at getting out of docks. No more excitements though. The family business had the auditors in, we heard, but they found nothing incriminating. Ari.
I stood in the messhall where I had read this message, the ever-present babble of voices washing over me unheard. I could see Ari in my mind's eye sitting in Swift's cockpit, biting his stylus thoughtfully. Ari was good at writing when it wasn't personal; cargo lists or theoretical astrography were fine, but not letters.
My hand was clenched around the scrap of flimsi. Ari's hand had travelled over it not so long ago, transfering thoughts from mind to page; thoughts divided about equally between my safety and Swift, by the look of it. I smiled rather sadly, and tucked the message into my shirt pocket.
I heard at breakfast one day, from Tycho, that the Millennium Falcon was back again. Fortuitously, I met Leia later on, in the bunkroom corridor on my way to bed.
"Leia, tell me, did you-?"
She smiled, looking happier than I remembered ever seeing her.
"I could sing-come here, I'll tell you all about it."
The princess' room had the relative luxury of a sofa, and we made use of it as I heard what Leia called her 'Tatooine tale'. She was bright-eyed, triumphant and very much inclined to talk. After the saga of heat, sand, and being chained half-naked to a Hutt was over, I asked,
"And now? Is it true about another Death Star?"
Leia nodded, suddenly sombre.
"Alliance gossip is wonderfully informative. It's not operational yet, that's why we're hitting it now. And it gets even better."
She smiled, not a pleasant smile. "In fact, it seems almost too good to be true. I feel there must be a catch somewhere-but, Keitin, you see why we have to destroy it, don't you?"
She caught my hand, her dark eyes looking at me pleadingly. I nodded.
"I knew you would. We can't let that happen to anyone else the way it happened to us."
She glanced down, tears shining in her eyes. I had never seen her cry, I realised, and suddenly found the wall beside me very interesting. I didn't know where to look, but in a moment Leia was so calm I wondered if I had imagined that glint of tears.
"So is Luke Skywalker going to do his stuff again?" I asked lightly.
"If he gets here in time from wherever keeps disappearing to," Leia said. "He's been getting awfully secretive lately."
"Isn't it Han you're supposed to be worried about lying to you?"
"Oh, Luke never lies, except blatantly obvious ones you're not even meant to believe, like 'I'm fine' even if he's bleeding everywhere or something. No, it's just-"
She broke off, shrugging.
"I suppose we had better get some sleep. I think it's starting."
------
"You would think they would learn, wouldn't you?" Vega paced up and down our bunkroom, clattering the locker doors, her fists balling nervously.
"Probably they did, and removed whatever design flaw it was that let us blow up the last one," I replied. I was feeling twitchy myself, but by an effort of will I was sitting motionless on my bunk, hands clasped between my knees. The briefing for the attack on the Empire's new Death Star had taken place that morning. I had not been there, being on duty, but I had already heard most of the information, from Leia or from the rumours. The only thing new to me was the presence of Emperor Palpatine on the Death Star. Vega, however, had been listening in on the relay system.
"Us! Skywalker, you mean," she exclaimed. "Hey, listen, he walked into the briefing right in the middle, and volunteered for Solo's mission, cool as you please. Just goes to show, become an Alliance hero and you can go awol any time you please. If any of us mere mortals tried that we'd be fried."
"Cut up, stewed and eaten for dinner," I agreed. Vega suddenly sat down beside me, seeming to crumple.
"Dammit, Keitin, I'm scared!"
"Me too."
------
I was pulled back into communications for the battle. A junior research and design engineer isn't much use in a full-scale military attack.
As the assault began, I sat in front of my console, avoiding my colleagues' eyes. I was feeling sick at the thought of participating in an all-out battle. I thought of Leia and her friends, wherever they were. I hope they got that deflector shield down, I thought, wiping my hands down the sides of my trousers.
"Five minutes to realspace," Commander Farr said, her voice expressionless. I slewed round in my seat to exchange glances with Vega, who looked grimly determined. I settled my headset more firmly on my ears, felt the subtle change in vibration as the sublight engines cut in.
This was it.
The battle had barely begun when we heard the frantic order, "Pull up! The shield's still up! Pull up!"
My hands were shaking as I made the connections. What had happened to Leia and Luke and Han? Why was the shield not down? There went our surprise attack. In the depths of the ship as we were, all we knew of the battle was through our headsets. Even laser blasts on the shields were barely discernable from the general motion of the ship. Only fighters were attacking us; for some reason the capital ships were hanging back. I was hearing pilots dying over the comm, wondering at every scream was it someone I knew. I kept working automatically, doing things I had done a hundred times before.
I heard the Liberty die. One moment I could hear the pilot talking to Home One, then breaking off, "What the-?" Then came the roar of explosive decompression, and a faint crackle.
"That blast came from the Death Star!" several voices exclaimed.
So that was what happened to Alderaan, I thought numbly. The Death Star was probably picking off more Alliance ships, but I was beyond emotional reaction for the moment. Familiar faces flashed in front of my eyes. Shamma, Dan, Ged. What would it matter if I joined them in death? The orders I was passing on were a meaningless blur. I wondered briefly how anyone managed to think coherently in the middle of a battle, let alone think of strategy. Seconds felt like hours. Every second I expected to be the last, but no blast came.
"The shield's down!" The words penetrated my mind at last, repeated as they were by a dozen voices. Suddenly living mattered again. I thought of the fighters racing to the Death Star, of Leia down on the Forest Moon. I couldn't breath. Everything hung in the balance, on these few moments.
"Move the Fleet away from the Death Star. Move the Fleet away from the Death Star!"
The frigate shuddered as the engines boosted to full power. The tension in the room was palpable. I chewed at my thumbnail. Then my headset crackled so loudly that it hurt my ears. I guessed what it must be-the electromagnetic pulse from the Death Star exploding, but I did not dare to believe it until someone cried, "It's blown! It's gone!"
The comm centre was filled with cheering, the officers hugging each other with headsets still in place. It was the first fruits of a celebration that would spread out across the galaxy, to every corner where the Empire had planted its boot.
-----
There was, of course, a lot of clearing up to do.
The celebration was exuberant, full of joyful reunions-Toryn and Samoc Farr, Tycho and Vega, Leia and Han somewhere I suppose. Clearing up after the party, I knew, would be just the beginning. There would be plenty to do, battles to fight, both for me and for the Alliance. But I felt lost, purposeless. I made my way to one of the viewing galleries of the frigate. It was a long time since I had had time to look at the stars. I wondered, standing by the viewport, whether I could see Alderaan's sun and which one it was. Ari, I thought, the old longing welling up in my from force of habit. Because I was alone in the gallery, I cried a little. But Ari and my family had belonged to a different time, divided from me by this victory. I was a different person from the girl who had left Alderaan so long ago. I heard a light footfall behind me, and turned my head.
"Hello, Luke," I said, wondering if he could see that I had been crying, and decided that it didn't matter.
"Hi," he returned, moving to lean on the rail beside me.
"Where's Leia, do you know?"
"I don't. I have a feeling I don't want to know."
This struck me as very funny, and I started laughing, a little uncertainly. The corners of Luke' mouth crinkled.
"You all right?" he asked when I had quietened.
"Anticlimactic is the word, I think."
"I know what you mean."
I looked at the starscape again, realising abruptly-"That isn't the Empire any more."
"No...I wonder, when the Republic began, did they think it would last so long-did they know what they were going to be responsible for?"
I thought about it. "Probably they were just people, who were worried about the baby teething and how their haircuts looked. As for where they lived-the Coruscanti would say Coruscant, the Corellians would say Corellia, and I of course say Alderaan."
Luke laughed. "I'm sure it wasn't Tatooine."
"The new Republic started there, in a way," I thought aloud.
"Huh?"
I glanced pointedly at him. "I've heard the rumours."
"Oh, me-I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, as Leia says." He grinned self-consciously, and added, "And weren't we all?"
I leaned my elbows on the edge of the viewport's frame, chin on my fists. If I hadn't been in the wrong place the day Alderaan died, I remembered, I would have died too. For the first time I saw my life as a gift from fate, the Force, the patron god of hyperdrives. What was I going to do with it? Living takes more courage than dying, Shamma used to say. Well, did I not have courage? I was an Avram, the last of a proud line. I set my chin, said, "See you later," to Luke, and started optimistically out of the gallery to face the new world.
I turned my head for one last look at the stars-I could almost see the beloved faces outlined against them. And they smiled.
Finis