Chapter Four: Can't Break This Spell

Whew. I thought this was never going to get written. Backrubs and hugs for Merith, who seems to have been swamped lately, and comic books for Niamh, who needs 'em for the inspiration, but is never too busy to inspire me. :)

The chapter title and epigraph come from "I Don't Want To Talk About It Now" by Emmylou Harris.

***

God knows how I love you
Like a user needs a drug
And I'll never be free again
You are a poison in my blood

***

Kagome sighed as she felt Inuyasha's claws slide through her hair. Her eyes opened and she smiled up at him. He paused. "Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up."

She yawned, stretching. "No, that's okay."

"I thought you were going to sleep the whole time," he said, half-apologetic.

"Why didn't you wake me?"

Inuyasha shrugged, a small self-mocking smile touching his mouth. "I thought if you were that tired, I should probably let you sleep. Besides...." His voice trailed off and he looked away.

Kagome watched, fascinated. Is he... blushing? "Besides?" she prompted.

"You're pretty when you sleep. Not that you're not pretty all the time." His color deepened.

Kagome sat up and turned Inuyasha's face back towards her with a gentle hand. He met her gaze almost shyly. "Hey," she said softly. "It's just me."

Inuyasha shook his head. "It's different." He reached up and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, fingers lingering a bit. "I want you to be happy, Kagome. All you seem to do these days is worry. "

Kagome winced, thinking about the tension strung between her and the others since she'd plucked a jewel shard out of the air. "You shouldn't worry," she said automatically. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You were so tired tonight, and there've been shadows in your eyes for days. What's wrong, Kagome?" Inuyasha picked her up and settled her in his lap. "Tell me."

"It's nothing." Miroku doesn't trust me, Sango watches me with suspicious eyes, the other Inuyasha snarls at me whenever he bothers to speak to me.... "Really." She rested her head on his shoulder, breathing in his scent.

"I know you better than that," he said dryly, easing his claws through her hair again. "At least tell me why you're so tired. I can't help you if you won't let me."

Kagome was silent for a long moment. "We were hunting for shards," she said at last. "We found one, but it was in the heart of a forest, and the trees attacked us, because the guardian of the forest was using the shard to protect itself. Everybody was knocked out and I was so scared. I... somehow managed to shield everybody. And then, somehow, I managed to pull the shard out of the tree. When I wasn't anywhere near the tree." Her breath hitched. "I don't know how I did it, and my head hurt so much, and everybody's been looking at me like I did something wrong."

Inuyasha tilted her head up, looking into her eyes warmly. "But that's wonderful."

Kagome blinked. "Wonderful? How is everybody treating me like I've got the plague wonderful?"

He snorted. "Your powers are getting stronger, that's all. I think it's great." Kagome felt the cold knot of fear she'd been hiding for the past few days dissolve in her chest and she burst into tears. Inuyasha pulled her closer, rocking her gently. "Shhhh," he whispered. "I've got you. I'll always take care of you. I'm proud of you."

She nodded and clung to his haori, feeling all the fears she'd kept hidden about Inuyasha melt away. Even if she couldn't stay with him in the dream, she could take this moment. Surely no one could begrudge her that.

Kagome brushed her fingers across the lines in her textbook, trying to read them like Braille. She wondered absently if she'd be able to recapture the dream she'd had that morning if she went back to sleep. Her Inuyasha had been holding her, whispering reassurances she'd craved into her hair, making her feel like maybe she wasn't crazy and her powers were a wonderful thing, and then....

"Dammit, Kagome, wake up," she mimicked sourly. She sighed and propped her chin in her hands. I suppose there's no point brooding about it. After all, what did I expect from him?

Okay, so maybe she'd started trying to catch little naps when they were riding on Kirara just so she could see her Inuyasha. And maybe she had been a little more irritable than necessary lately. It was just so hard to walk away from him. Her Inuyasha was everything she'd always known Inuyasha could be: kind, gentle, sweet, even considerate. And he loved her. For the first time, Inuyasha was looking at her without the spectre of Kikyo between them. Sometimes, when he held her, she couldn't remember why she was struggling to leave the dream world. She knew she had reasons, but looking into those warm golden eyes made it harder and harder to remember what they were.

A frown furrowed Kagome's brow as she lifted a hand and tried to retrace that strange inner path she'd found so very briefly the week before. I can't remember how to cast that shield or reach through space. I wonder why. I know I could do it again if only I could remember. Her power sparked between her fingers, but other than that and a warning twinge in her head, nothing happened. Kagome sighed and lowered her hand. At least I can produce sparks. That's more than I could do even last week. I wonder what else I'll be able to do? She rolled her eyes. I wonder if I'll get my head bitten off every time my magic grows. Probably. She groaned and gently banged her head against the tree trunk as the hard yellow glare of the other Inuyasha pierced her thoughts. Why can't I get him out of my head? He doesn't love me. She bit her lip, guiltily. But he is my friend.

Okay, time to think about something else. She dumped her textbook back into her pack and stood up, wincing as her neck and knees popped. Ow. Trying to nap on Kirara hurts. And sitting under trees, even with nice soft grass, doesn't help. Wasn't there a hot spring near here? Maybe a nice bath before dinner. She paused, remembering that since Sango had dragged the other Inuyasha off to hunt, the only person in the camp was Miroku. Or... maybe not. She glanced towards a tree nearby. Shippo slept peacefully, curled up on Kirara. Kagome sighed enviously. I wish I could still sleep like that.

Kagome wandered back into the clearing where the main camp was set up. Miroku knelt over the cleared earth circle in the center, carefully piling kindling from wood he'd gathered and humming to himself. The water bottles sat nearby, damp from the fresh water he'd already fetched. Kagome swallowed. I didn't even think about asking him if he needed help making camp. Maybe I really have been distracted. She cleared her throat, feeling almost shy. "Miroku-sama?"

He looked up sharply, and then smiled. "Ah, Kagome-sama. I thought you were busy studying."

"I... was," she said, brushing off the lie. "But you should've come to get me. You shouldn't have done all this by yourself."

Miroku sat back on his heels. "It's no trouble. I took it as an opportunity to refresh my skills at meditation through work." He regarded the small pile of twigs with satisfaction. "Now if Sango and Inuyasha would get back, we could go about making dinner." He slanted her a mischievous look. "Or you could go about it, if you're determined to apologize...."

Kagome's smile widened. "Very well." She fetched her pack and dug through it, pulling out some of the herbs she kept wrapped in paper, beginning to shred them into the little iron pot they carried to make stew. "What do you think they'll bring back?"

Miroku shrugged. "Sango seemed to think they'd be in pursuit of larger game since Inuyasha's been... aggravated lately." Kagome's hands stilled over the pot and he winced. "Sorry."

Kagome gave a forced little chuckle. "No, that's all right. When isn't he aggravated?" She turned her head to the side, frowning.

"Kagome-sama," Miroku began, then stopped, seeing her arrested expression. "What is it?"

"Jewel shards," she breathed, standing up. "More than one. Coming this way, fast."

Miroku swore heartily and scrambled for his staff. "Which direction?" Kagome frowned in concentration and pointed off to the northwest. She picked up her bow and arrows and stood behind him, nocking an arrow loosely.

"I'm ready," she said quietly. Miroku nodded, fingering the beads around his right wrist. A small breeze began to blow, picking up speed steadily until Kagome's hair whipped around her face. A whirlwind coalesced outside of the camp, then collapsed inward to reveal an exhausted, disheveled Kouga. Kagome blinked in surprise, letting her bow string slacken. "Kouga?" She stepped out from behind Miroku, ready to go to the wolf prince's aid, but Miroku's staff snapped down to bar her path. "Miroku-sama, what do you think--"

"What do you want, Kouga?" Miroku said quietly.

Kouga straightened, eyeing Miroku with distaste. "I came to speak with Kagome, not that it's any of your business."

"On the contrary," Miroku said, "it is my business."

Kouga looked past the priest to Kagome. "I need your help." His voice was even hoarser than usual, and his top knot was askew, pieces of hair falling down around his face.

"What's wrong?" Kagome asked. "You look awful."

"Heh. I've spent a few days trying to locate you. My pack--"

Kagome's eyes widened, remembering blood and corpses strewn across a field. "Are they all right?"

Kouga nodded. "It's... the cubs." He coughed, and Kagome went to fetch him a drink of water. "Our bitches haven't been littering well, and the cubs haven't been strong to begin with. But this last litter... They've come down with a fever of some sort, and we haven't been able to do anything. Usually they bounce back from this sort of thing, but they just keep getting weaker." His voice trailed off. Kagome handed him a ladle full of water.

"I want to help," she said doubtfully. "But I don't know much about treating children and I know even less about treating wolves."

"They're all in human form," Kouga said reassuringly, "and whatever you can think of to try, we'd be grateful for." He looked down at the ground. "There's no one else who will help us. We don't have a healer, and no other human would help youkai."

Kagome nodded, touching him on the arm. "Of course I'll help."

He smiled at her. "Thank you."

Miroku cleared his throat. "Kagome-sama, might I speak with you for a moment?"

Kagome folded her arms. "They need my help, Miroku-sama. I'm going no matter what you say."

"I understand that," he said patiently, "but I think you're being rash. You haven't considered the possibilities of the situation. It could be a trap."

Kouga growled. "I don't need to trap women, bouzo. Not like that damn dog."

"I didn't mean to imply you were the one setting the trap," Miroku said, still looking at Kagome.

She frowned. "You think Naraku could be involved in this?"

"I'm asking you to think about the idea."

"Priest," Kouga said. "I swear to you on the lives of my pack that I am not Naraku's tool in this. Nor would I allow myself to be."

Miroku nodded, then touched Kagome's arm. "Come with me for a moment." He walked outside of the ring of the camp, then lowered his voice. "Kagome-sama, please wait until Inuyasha and Sango have returned."

She shook her head. "He already lost a few days looking for me."

"But--"

"I have to help him. He's my friend."

"He kidnapped you once."

Kagome gritted her teeth. "Aren't you guys ever going to get over that?"

Miroku sighed. "I'm not sure if they can protect you, either. At least let me come with you."

"They barely tolerate my presence. I'll be fine. Kouga won't let anything happen to me."

"I just don't think you're being wise about this."

She felt her temper flare, and ill-advised words spilled from her tongue. "They need my help, Miroku-sama. If they lose these cubs, it could be the end of his pack. The end of his family line. You understand what that means." Miroku's face drained of color. Kagome bit her lip, immediately regretting the words. "I... I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "Very well." Miroku stepped back. "What do you want me to tell Inuyasha?"

Kagome shrugged. "He's not going to like it, whatever you tell him." She walked over to the fire and picked up her pack.

Miroku raised his voice. "You shouldn't be so quick to dismiss his concerns. He's been genuinely worried about you."

Kagome stood next to Kouga. "I'll see you back in the village, okay? I'll be fine."

Miroku sighed and watched as the whirlwind swept her up. He knelt down next to the scattered fire and began to rebuild it slowly, thinking about what to tell Inuyasha when he returned.

***

Inuyasha scowled at the corpse of the deer he and Sango had run down. For a brief moment, in the thrill of the hunt, his frustration with Kagome had burned away, but now it swamped him full-force. More, he felt a twinge of guilt for taking it out on the animal. It tasted too much like something his youkai self would have done. Except then I wouldn't have stopped at deer. He swallowed, looking down at the taiji-ya, who was carefully separating the heart and liver from the offal she'd removed from the body. She'd tell me what was wrong, wouldn't she? "Has she said anything to you?" he blurted.

Sango looked up, startled. Inuyasha had been almost entirely silent since they'd entered the forest, scowling into the trees. She'd finally flushed the deer just to give him something to take his frustration out on, and had been surprised by the ferocity with which he'd dispatched it. For a brief, craven moment, she'd been relieved that the Tetsusaiga sealed away his youkai blood; tangling with a furious youkai Inuyasha was not the way she wanted to meet her end. But, as she studied him carefully, she noted the traces of desperation around his mouth and eyes. It's hard to remember how much he feels things. I think Kagome is the only one who realizes how much.... "No."

He gritted his teeth. "Has she really not said anything to you, or are you saying that because she told you not to?"

Sango sat back on her heels. "What are you talking about?"

Inuyasha growled. "Miroku says that's one of the human girl things. You tell each other not to tell people things."

"Okay, first, never rely on Houshi-sama to explain human women to you. You'd be better off asking Shippo. Second, Kagome hasn't said anything to me." Sango wrapped the heart and liver carefully in a bloodstained piece of linen and set it aside. Kirara was partial to venison heart, and Shippo was perversely fond of liver. "If she said one word to me about what was wrong with her, I'd tell you."

Inuyasha dropped down next to her, wanting to see as well as smell her sincerity. "You sure?"

Sango leaned forward, grasping his blood-stained hands with hers. "I swear."

His ears flattened back. "Even if she made you promise not to?"

"At this point, I think relieving everybody's minds outweighs breaking a promise." She squeezed his hands gently.

Inuyasha blew out a breath, fluttering his bangs. "I was beginnin' to think I was fuckin' crazy."

Sango shook her head. "Houshi-sama and I have been wondering what's wrong with her." She hesitated, wondering how much of their concerns to share. "Do you... do you think it's possible she's being controlled?"

Inuyasha's eyes narrowed. "Controlled?"

Sango sighed. "Like I was."

"No," he said flatly.

"Inuyasha--"

"I'd know, Sango." He pulled his hands out of hers and stood up. "He can't fool me like that again." Not with Kagome.

Sango decided it was probably best not to pursue the argument. She merely nodded and began to dig a small hole to bury the offal in. "We'd better get back to camp."

Inuyasha hefted the deer carcass across his shoulders, mood dark enough that in some shadowed corner of his mind, he relished the smell of the blood trickling down over his haori and hair. "Yeah." Sango picked up the linen bundle and jogged after him as he ran back towards the camp. He skidded to a halt several yards away from the camp, growling. "Kouga."

"What?" Sango managed, trying not to wheeze.

"Kouga. I can smell him." He sped towards the camp, growling low in his throat. Miroku straightened as Inuyasha burst into the clearing. "Where is he?"

Miroku shook his head. "You missed him."

Inuyasha's growl increased in volume. "Where's Kagome?" Miroku didn't answer for a moment, and Inuyasha flung the deer to the ground, stepping forward. "Where is she?"

"She left with him." Miroku gritted his teeth as Inuyasha seized him by the shoulders.

"You let her go?"

Miroku didn't struggle against the claws digging into his skin through his robes. "She was determined. You, of all people, should realize how difficult she is to persuade when she has her mind set upon something." After all, it's a trait the two of you share in abundance. Inuyasha nodded, turning Miroku loose. He took a deep breath, scenting the air, and walked towards where the scent was strongest. "I assume you're not interested in our help," Miroku said dryly.

"I'll meet you back in the village," Inuyasha said.

"Be careful. It might be a trap."

Inuyasha glanced over his shoulder, and Miroku wasn't sure the hanyou's eyes weren't gleaming red, despite the sword at his side. "It won't matter." He vanished into the trees, and Miroku sighed.

"I hope he'll be okay," Sango said quietly from behind him.

Miroku nodded. "Do you want to stay here for the evening or go back to the village?"

"I'd prefer to follow him and make sure he doesn't try to take out Kouga and his entire pack."

"Kagome-sama won't let him. Kouga came to ask for her help; she's still enough like herself that she agreed immediately." He glanced back at Sango. "They'll be all right."

She plucked at her bloodstained clothes. "Well... if we're not going to follow, we might as well stay here. I really need to clean up."

"I'd be happy to help you with that."

Sango walked over to where she'd left Hiraikotsu propped. "No thanks. I think I can manage on my own."

Shippo wandered out of the trees, yawning and rubbing his eyes. "Hey guys. When's dinner?" He paused, looking around, frowning. "Where's Kagome?"

Miroku prodded the deer with his sandal. "She went with Kouga."

"She what? And she didn't take me?"

Sango picked up Hiraikotsu and walked towards the spring. "I'll be back in an hour or so."

Miroku sighed, looking around for a knife while Shippo ranted. I should've made Kouga take me with him too.

***

You're my obsession
And the reason that I live
You've already got my soul
There's nothing left to give