Random Stupidity
by Ethra Esme
A/N: I start to snap out of my depression. A little.
Chapter Five
Care of Magical Sues...er, Creatures
The author wondered to herself what had happened to her lighthearted, stupid story. 'Perhaps my medication isn't working right.' She thought. 'I'll have to put in something stupid and pointless. Other people won't think it's funny. But I will.'
The next morning at breakfast, Hagrid rushed into the Great Hall and up to the staff table. He stood in front of Dumbledore's chair, and turned to face the students. Then he started dancing the Charleston.
Professor McGonagall looked horrified. She stood up, knocking over her chair. "My word, Hagrid, are you under the Imperius curse?" She scanned the students for any signs of wand waving, but everyone looked as startled as she did.
"No, ma'am." He smiled. "I'm jus' happy!"
Unfortunately, Ethra was not at breakfast to see the spectacle. She was in the girls' washroom looking at her hair. A fellow Slytherin girl had given her some magical hair dye (ooo!), and Ethra had just rinsed it out. Conjuring a heat spell, Ethra blow-dried her hair and admired the results. A handsome, chestnut brown. Not bad. 'I'll have to bring some stuff home with me.' She thought, wondering when she'd get to go home and if she'd be able to take anything. Her eyes were still bloodshot from the night of crying, but Ethra didn't mind too much as it brought out the bright green in them. Her face was all blotchy, though, and her nose was bright red. She didn't happen to have any makeup on her, so she sighed resignedly and went off to look for something to wear.
The school uniform offered a surprising selection. In the end, she chose a white, short sleeved shirt, her house tie, a nice, knee length black skirt, and a grey vest.
"Spiffy." She said happily to herself. "I love uniforms." She found the Mary Janes a girl named Athena had given her when she complained about her shoes that morning.
'Slytherins can actually be quite nice.' She thought to herself, putting on the flat-heeled shoes. She glanced up at the clock over the fireplace in the girls' dorm.
"Shit!" She said aloud. It was five till and her first class of the day was Care of Magical Creatures, which was all the way outside, and she had a feeling she'd get lost getting there. Her memory of the layout of the school was a bit shoddy, and it was not uncommon for her to get lost even in the real world.
She grabbed her bag and ran out of the room.
She ran all the way to Hagrid's cabin and was quite winded by the time she got there. Her glasses had fogged up because it was quite cold and she was warm, and she didn't see Draco Malfoy until she had run square into his back.
"Oi! Shove off!" He growled.
"Sorry, sorry, I'm so sorry!" She said, taking off her square, black framed glasses and wiping them on her cloak.
"Just watch where you're going." He said, glancing at the perpetrator. His eyes lit up when he saw who it was.
"Oh. It's the future Mrs. Snape." He said loud enough for most people in the immediate area to hear. Hagrid, who was giving a lecture on what appeared to be a long, pointed branch, did not seem to notice, though.
"Why don't you just shut up." She said, bored. "Don't you have anything better to do?"
She turned her eyes to Hagrid, who was being pretty much ignored, save by a group of Gryffindors in front. She noticed, to her chagrin, that the trio was again watching her belittlement.
"Aw, are you gonna start crying?" Pansy Parkinson, who, to Ethra's surprise, was much taller than herself, chimed in.
Ethra ignored her and looked over at Hagrid, trying to pay attention.
"I think she is." Draco returned.
"Would you guys just shut up?"
Ethra stood confused for a moment, and then realized who had said that. Harry Potter himself was standing in front of them. He had grown to be taller than Draco but was still quite lanky. Ethra was surprised to see that though he had grown older, his scar had not gotten smaller comparatively, but had stretched to its original size on his forehead.
She suddenly felt very ashamed that Harry Potter, of all people, was defending her.
"It's alright, um...Harry. It's not his fault Draco's got one of those shoved up his ass." Ethra said, pointing to whatever beast Hagrid was holding. It had turned a bright purple and one of the Gryffindors was feeding it a live mouse.
Draco grinned. "Now we're getting down to it, Mudblood."
"Oooh. That's original." Ethra said in mock wonder, rolling her eyes. "Mudblood. Ouch." She laughed. She couldn't help it. She always laughed at the most inapropriate times.
Draco reddened. "Are you laughing at me?"
Ethra laughed again. "Oh, I know, you're going to tell your father, right?"
Ethra was caught unprepared as Draco raised his wand.
"Furnun-"
"Expelliarmus!" Harry shouted. Draco's wand flew out of his hand and hit Goyle in the head. Goyle did not notice.
Hagrid finally heard this. "Was' goin' on?" He asked, looking over the heads of the students.
Harry had opened his mouth to take the blame, but Ethra talked over him.
"Um...I'm kicking Malfoy's ass." She said, taking out her wand quickly.
"Yer....wha?"
"Kicking. Malfoy's...ass...sir." She said, again, growing red. The students around her laughed.
"Well, erm, gonna haffta send ya to yer head o' house fer tha'." He said, not unkindly. Draco had gotten to his feet. He wanted to protest that she was indeed not "kicking his ass", but he also didn't want to get into trouble. Harry made a noise of protest but Ethra glared at him. "Don't be stupid." She hissed and Hagrid beckoned to her, taking her to his cabin.
He wrote something on a scrap of parchment and handed it to her.
"Well, off to Snape with yeh."
"Yes sir." She nodded, and left the cabin hurriedly.
She debated not going to Snape, but decided eh, what the hell. She was afraid that repurcussions were to be expected from her fellow housemates for fighting with prize boy Draco, and she wasn't exactly sure her dueling abilities were up to snuff.
She decided to go ahead and see Snape, but to walk very, very slowly. She wouldn't be able to talk to him until his next class was over anyway. 'Well, Addie's in this class, so at least I'll get to see her briefly.'
She reached the dungeon right after the bell had rung. Addie caught sight of her immediately.
"How was Magical Creatures?"
"Got kicked out."
"WHAT?"
Ethra handed her the parchment.
"'Kickin' that Malfoy boy's arse'?"
Ethra laughed. "I hadn't read that." She took back the scrap and read over it herself. "Nice."
"Well, um, is it alright if I go to Divination, or-?"
"Yes, yes, it's fine." Ethra smiled at her best friend's concern. "I'm alright."
Ethra waited until everyone had left for sure, and then entered Snape's classroom. He wasn't anywhere in sight, but Ethra saw a door marked "Office", so she figured that was where he was. She walked in and knocked on the door.
"Enter." She heard a voice utter grumpily. She took a deep breath and opened the door.
Snape looked up, shaking quickly a piece of stringy hair from his eyes. "What? You?"
She handed him the parchment quickly and stepped back.
"Kickin'....What is this?"
Ethra shrugged.
Snape looked at the note, then at Ethra, then back at the note, then at the clown, then back at Ethra.
"Are you a Death Eater?"
"Am I a- um...not really."
"Not really?"
"Well, um..." Ethra glanced briefly at her left forearm. Snape stood up and reached over his desk, turning over her arm quickly. There were faint, nearly invisible etchings on her arm.
"What is this?"
"Do you have a black light?"
" A what?"
"A UVB Lantern."
Snape looked at Ethra and then pulled out his wand, muttering "Luminous Uvibinus. Well?"
The wand glowed a mellow purple-ish colour.
Ethra held out her arm. She pointed to a section of it. "Put it over here."
Snape moved the wand over to her arms and nearly fumbled it. The Dark Mark glowed, light green on her arm.
"Where did you get this?"
"Tattoo."
"What?"
"It's a....Muggle thing. I got it put on myself."
Snape dislighted (its a word NOW, folks) his wand and stowed it in his cloaks, looking disgustedly at Ethra.
"Do you have any notion what the Dark Mark means?"
"It means something to me, yes."
"And just what does it mean to YOU?" He looked at her, his hands on his desk, leaning over toward her.
"Frankly, sir, none of your business. It means what my phoenix tattoo means."
Snape looked like he didn't know whether or not to be mad at her.
"I would have you expelled," he sighed, "but the Headmaster seems to want to keep you here."
"That's because he probably knows I have nowhere else to go."
"What do you mean?"
"I-well..." She sighed, suddenly feeling homesick and tired. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
"Try me."
"Alright." She sat on the arm of one of the chairs and flopped over so that she was lying down facing the grey stone cieling.
"You're not real. Hogwarts isn't real. None of this is real. This whole world was created for a series of books called "Harry Potter" written by a Ms. JK Rowling. My friend and I were transported here by some sort of book my friend lifted from a vampire at her college. We're both nineteen years old and live in the United States."
Snape stared at her for a long time. "Okay, you're right, I don't believe you."
"meh." Ethra shrugged.
by Ethra Esme
A/N: I start to snap out of my depression. A little.
Chapter Five
Care of Magical Sues...er, Creatures
The author wondered to herself what had happened to her lighthearted, stupid story. 'Perhaps my medication isn't working right.' She thought. 'I'll have to put in something stupid and pointless. Other people won't think it's funny. But I will.'
The next morning at breakfast, Hagrid rushed into the Great Hall and up to the staff table. He stood in front of Dumbledore's chair, and turned to face the students. Then he started dancing the Charleston.
Professor McGonagall looked horrified. She stood up, knocking over her chair. "My word, Hagrid, are you under the Imperius curse?" She scanned the students for any signs of wand waving, but everyone looked as startled as she did.
"No, ma'am." He smiled. "I'm jus' happy!"
Unfortunately, Ethra was not at breakfast to see the spectacle. She was in the girls' washroom looking at her hair. A fellow Slytherin girl had given her some magical hair dye (ooo!), and Ethra had just rinsed it out. Conjuring a heat spell, Ethra blow-dried her hair and admired the results. A handsome, chestnut brown. Not bad. 'I'll have to bring some stuff home with me.' She thought, wondering when she'd get to go home and if she'd be able to take anything. Her eyes were still bloodshot from the night of crying, but Ethra didn't mind too much as it brought out the bright green in them. Her face was all blotchy, though, and her nose was bright red. She didn't happen to have any makeup on her, so she sighed resignedly and went off to look for something to wear.
The school uniform offered a surprising selection. In the end, she chose a white, short sleeved shirt, her house tie, a nice, knee length black skirt, and a grey vest.
"Spiffy." She said happily to herself. "I love uniforms." She found the Mary Janes a girl named Athena had given her when she complained about her shoes that morning.
'Slytherins can actually be quite nice.' She thought to herself, putting on the flat-heeled shoes. She glanced up at the clock over the fireplace in the girls' dorm.
"Shit!" She said aloud. It was five till and her first class of the day was Care of Magical Creatures, which was all the way outside, and she had a feeling she'd get lost getting there. Her memory of the layout of the school was a bit shoddy, and it was not uncommon for her to get lost even in the real world.
She grabbed her bag and ran out of the room.
She ran all the way to Hagrid's cabin and was quite winded by the time she got there. Her glasses had fogged up because it was quite cold and she was warm, and she didn't see Draco Malfoy until she had run square into his back.
"Oi! Shove off!" He growled.
"Sorry, sorry, I'm so sorry!" She said, taking off her square, black framed glasses and wiping them on her cloak.
"Just watch where you're going." He said, glancing at the perpetrator. His eyes lit up when he saw who it was.
"Oh. It's the future Mrs. Snape." He said loud enough for most people in the immediate area to hear. Hagrid, who was giving a lecture on what appeared to be a long, pointed branch, did not seem to notice, though.
"Why don't you just shut up." She said, bored. "Don't you have anything better to do?"
She turned her eyes to Hagrid, who was being pretty much ignored, save by a group of Gryffindors in front. She noticed, to her chagrin, that the trio was again watching her belittlement.
"Aw, are you gonna start crying?" Pansy Parkinson, who, to Ethra's surprise, was much taller than herself, chimed in.
Ethra ignored her and looked over at Hagrid, trying to pay attention.
"I think she is." Draco returned.
"Would you guys just shut up?"
Ethra stood confused for a moment, and then realized who had said that. Harry Potter himself was standing in front of them. He had grown to be taller than Draco but was still quite lanky. Ethra was surprised to see that though he had grown older, his scar had not gotten smaller comparatively, but had stretched to its original size on his forehead.
She suddenly felt very ashamed that Harry Potter, of all people, was defending her.
"It's alright, um...Harry. It's not his fault Draco's got one of those shoved up his ass." Ethra said, pointing to whatever beast Hagrid was holding. It had turned a bright purple and one of the Gryffindors was feeding it a live mouse.
Draco grinned. "Now we're getting down to it, Mudblood."
"Oooh. That's original." Ethra said in mock wonder, rolling her eyes. "Mudblood. Ouch." She laughed. She couldn't help it. She always laughed at the most inapropriate times.
Draco reddened. "Are you laughing at me?"
Ethra laughed again. "Oh, I know, you're going to tell your father, right?"
Ethra was caught unprepared as Draco raised his wand.
"Furnun-"
"Expelliarmus!" Harry shouted. Draco's wand flew out of his hand and hit Goyle in the head. Goyle did not notice.
Hagrid finally heard this. "Was' goin' on?" He asked, looking over the heads of the students.
Harry had opened his mouth to take the blame, but Ethra talked over him.
"Um...I'm kicking Malfoy's ass." She said, taking out her wand quickly.
"Yer....wha?"
"Kicking. Malfoy's...ass...sir." She said, again, growing red. The students around her laughed.
"Well, erm, gonna haffta send ya to yer head o' house fer tha'." He said, not unkindly. Draco had gotten to his feet. He wanted to protest that she was indeed not "kicking his ass", but he also didn't want to get into trouble. Harry made a noise of protest but Ethra glared at him. "Don't be stupid." She hissed and Hagrid beckoned to her, taking her to his cabin.
He wrote something on a scrap of parchment and handed it to her.
"Well, off to Snape with yeh."
"Yes sir." She nodded, and left the cabin hurriedly.
She debated not going to Snape, but decided eh, what the hell. She was afraid that repurcussions were to be expected from her fellow housemates for fighting with prize boy Draco, and she wasn't exactly sure her dueling abilities were up to snuff.
She decided to go ahead and see Snape, but to walk very, very slowly. She wouldn't be able to talk to him until his next class was over anyway. 'Well, Addie's in this class, so at least I'll get to see her briefly.'
She reached the dungeon right after the bell had rung. Addie caught sight of her immediately.
"How was Magical Creatures?"
"Got kicked out."
"WHAT?"
Ethra handed her the parchment.
"'Kickin' that Malfoy boy's arse'?"
Ethra laughed. "I hadn't read that." She took back the scrap and read over it herself. "Nice."
"Well, um, is it alright if I go to Divination, or-?"
"Yes, yes, it's fine." Ethra smiled at her best friend's concern. "I'm alright."
Ethra waited until everyone had left for sure, and then entered Snape's classroom. He wasn't anywhere in sight, but Ethra saw a door marked "Office", so she figured that was where he was. She walked in and knocked on the door.
"Enter." She heard a voice utter grumpily. She took a deep breath and opened the door.
Snape looked up, shaking quickly a piece of stringy hair from his eyes. "What? You?"
She handed him the parchment quickly and stepped back.
"Kickin'....What is this?"
Ethra shrugged.
Snape looked at the note, then at Ethra, then back at the note, then at the clown, then back at Ethra.
"Are you a Death Eater?"
"Am I a- um...not really."
"Not really?"
"Well, um..." Ethra glanced briefly at her left forearm. Snape stood up and reached over his desk, turning over her arm quickly. There were faint, nearly invisible etchings on her arm.
"What is this?"
"Do you have a black light?"
" A what?"
"A UVB Lantern."
Snape looked at Ethra and then pulled out his wand, muttering "Luminous Uvibinus. Well?"
The wand glowed a mellow purple-ish colour.
Ethra held out her arm. She pointed to a section of it. "Put it over here."
Snape moved the wand over to her arms and nearly fumbled it. The Dark Mark glowed, light green on her arm.
"Where did you get this?"
"Tattoo."
"What?"
"It's a....Muggle thing. I got it put on myself."
Snape dislighted (its a word NOW, folks) his wand and stowed it in his cloaks, looking disgustedly at Ethra.
"Do you have any notion what the Dark Mark means?"
"It means something to me, yes."
"And just what does it mean to YOU?" He looked at her, his hands on his desk, leaning over toward her.
"Frankly, sir, none of your business. It means what my phoenix tattoo means."
Snape looked like he didn't know whether or not to be mad at her.
"I would have you expelled," he sighed, "but the Headmaster seems to want to keep you here."
"That's because he probably knows I have nowhere else to go."
"What do you mean?"
"I-well..." She sighed, suddenly feeling homesick and tired. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
"Try me."
"Alright." She sat on the arm of one of the chairs and flopped over so that she was lying down facing the grey stone cieling.
"You're not real. Hogwarts isn't real. None of this is real. This whole world was created for a series of books called "Harry Potter" written by a Ms. JK Rowling. My friend and I were transported here by some sort of book my friend lifted from a vampire at her college. We're both nineteen years old and live in the United States."
Snape stared at her for a long time. "Okay, you're right, I don't believe you."
"meh." Ethra shrugged.