I'd like to thank everyone with their patience with me while I tried to fit this in around everything I'm doing. To those of you who stuck with me, my eternal thanks and a promise that I'll try to do better, while hoping that you understand that I can't put off graduating to finish. To those of you who didn't stick with me, well, you're not reading this, are you?

Beta snaps for Merith and Kat, and alpha and beta snaps for Niamh.

The memory comes back to me
To strangle me with its sweet taste
See, God would never be so cruel
To make me live without your face

***

She didn't know she was a big sister until after her mother died.

She remembered her mother, of course. Sometimes she even missed her. But there was so much to learn with Kumiko: reading, writing, history, archery, herb-lore, even magic. There simply wasn't time, usually, to miss her old life. The ache of homesickness began to trickle back when Kumiko mentioned curtly at the breakfast table that they'd be attending her mother's funeral since she'd died in childbirth a few days ago. Kikyo had only nodded, long since used to the elder miko's attitude. No use in crying, girl. Everything that lives, dies. Yet that night, she lay sleepless on her pallet by the banked firepit, trying to remember what her mother's smile looked like.

The next morning, the two mikos went to the quiet, sparsely attended funeral. Kikyo kept her face expressionless, even as the wave of sorrow built to an unrelenting ache in her chest. When the ceremony was over, she moved among those who had come, nodding or thanking them as custom required. When she stopped by her mother's sister, she looked down and felt her breath leave her in a rush. A small girl with her mother's eyes clung to Aunt Shizuko's kimono as if it were the only familiar thing in a world gone mad. Kikyo knelt down. "Who are you, little one?"

The girl only shook her head and hid her tear-stained face in the white folds. Shizuko stooped to stroke her hair. "This is your sister, Kaede. She's three."

Kikyo gently tugged the material aside. "Hello, Kaede. I'm your sister, Kikyo. Did Okaa-sama ever mention me?"

The dark eyes grew wide with awe. "You're the special one?"

"No," Kikyo said firmly, ignoring Kumiko's derisive snort. "I'm only a priestess."

Kaede looked doubtful, but edged out from the kimono a fraction. "Okaa-sama went away," she confided.

Kikyo carefully wiped the tear stains from Kaede's face with the sleeve of her haori, even though she knew Kumiko would set her extra laundry for doing it. "I know she did." She looked up at Shizuko. "What's going to happen to her, aunt?"

"We'll have to take her in, I imagine," Shizuko said. "She belongs with her family, and we're all that's left."

Not quite, Kikyo thought. She waited until later that evening, when she was shaking out Kumiko's blankets, to spring her suggestion. "I think my sister should live with us."

Kumiko snorted as she banked the fire. "Stupid idea. We tend the shrine, heal the sick, fight off youkai. We don't raise children."

Kikyo had anticipated this; no flicker of emotion broke through the neutral mask she'd nearly perfected at thirteen. "Yes," she said evenly. "But, Kumiko-sama...."

"What?" the older miko snapped.

"She is my sister. She might have some of my talent. Haven't you often said that I was almost too old when you found me? She's even younger than I was and, if suitable, would give you two apprentices instead of only me." Kikyo could almost see Kumiko turning this over.

"We'll try it," Kumiko said at last. "But if she proves to be untalented, or is even the slightest bit of trouble, back to your aunt she goes."

Kikyo bowed low, letting the triumphant smile curve her mouth only at the lowest point. "Thank you, Kumiko-sama."

The next day, she escorted a wide-eyed Kaede to the shrine. Before leading her inside, she knelt down before Kaede, taking her hands. "Kumiko-sama is scary, but don't worry. I won't let her strike you or scold you." She smoothed back a tangled lock of hair. "Do you understand, Kaede? I'll always take care of you."

Kaede bit her lip nervously. "Do you really think I can be a miko?"

Kikyo smiled. "I know you can. Then we'll be together and take care of the shrine."

"Do you promise?"

She squeezed her sister's hand. "I promise."

***

Kagome leaned on the torii gate and sucked in a breath that rasped her lungs. It annoyed her that, while she could finally make it all the way up the stairs to the shrine without having to stop, she'd still lost her breath by the time she reached the top. She gazed out across the smooth pavement while her breath steadied. It's so much the same.... Things looked more worn around the edges, and small things had changed: the ornate clay jug she'd used -- Kikyo used, she corrected herself -- to wash the steps had finally been replaced by a more practical wooden bucket. But the shrine was one of the few places that didn't threaten to give her a massive headache as she tried to reconcile two sets of memories.

Well, mostly. Pushing off the post, she walked slowly over to the old gravestone with the freshly turned dirt. She sank cross-legged to the ground, closing her eyes. The raw ability she'd always had to sense youkai and magic had only strengthened over the days after Kikyo... died. She'd found herself sensing traces of Shippo and Kirara and even Miroku without thinking about it. Before, her keenest sensitivity had been to jewel shards, but now it seemed any youkai or human with a gift was fair game. Luckily, there seemed to be some kind of wall or block that damped out most of it.

Kagome shook her head. Okay. She hadn't managed to figure out how to lower the block on her own, but she'd found that if she simply concentrated on the need to sense things, and waited, the wall lowered in response. So now, she let the deepening twilight air soothe and calm her while she waited for her gifts to answer her call.

There's Shippo, she thought abstractly as her power ranged over the village. It had amused Kagome when she'd realized he simply appeared to her mind's eye as a ball of foxfire. How original. Next to him was the warm glow of embers: Kaede. Sango's roseate glow and the dancing flame that meant Kirara were nowhere to be felt. Which meant....

Not now, not now. She turned her attention to the grave and focused, feeling the answering pulse of power below the dirt. Yes. That's what I want. She began to dig slowly, scooping the soil into a loose pile. Kagome could feel the urn in her mind; or, rather, the elegant net of protective wards woven neatly about it. I'll say this about Miroku-sama; he's much better trained than he lets people think he is. He gives the impression of being careless, but he sets wards like a work of art. She cleared the last of the dirt away and lifted the plain clay jar into her lap, setting her hands on either side. Kagome took another breath and probed the urn carefully, seeking what she knew had to be there.

Thought so. Beneath the indigo glow of Miroku's wards was the sullen red unnatural fury of the Kikyo construct, radiating from the shards. Kagome set her jaw. As long as that goes untouched.... As long as I'm alive.... Someone can build another one. So. She closed her eyes once more and let her power well up from the center of her being, keying into the net Miroku had woven and using that as her basis. Okay. Here we go. She took another deep breath, and, as she exhaled, flooded that net with her power until it collapsed, then let all that brilliant light sink inward, into the shards. The sullen glow dissolved at her light's touch. Relief welled up inside her chest, nearly bringing her to tears. That's over. Thank the gods. No one can ever bring her back now. She's finally safe. Kagome drew her power back and opened her eyes. The urn still sat in her lap, but the ofuda that covered it were now blank. Kagome blinked. Wow. Didn't know that would happen. She started to peel them off the jar, but stopped when she realized that her hands were shaking too violently to get them off intact. This wasn't supposed to be that hard!

"Kagome-sama?"

Kagome clenched her teeth. She'd been so caught up she'd failed to notice the jangle of Miroku's shakujou. "Miroku-sama." He sat down next to her quietly, setting his staff aside. She glanced sideways at him, trying to gauge what he wanted, but his poker face was just too good. As the silence stretched out, Kagome caught herself squirming, fingernails worrying at the edges of the ofuda.

"Could I have those back?" Miroku said mildly. "Paper's expensive."

Kagome jumped, and then blushed. "Sure." She passed him the urn and drew her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. Miroku peeled his ofuda off without commenting on their blankness and tucked them away in his robe. He set the urn gently back in the grave and bowed his head, murmuring a prayer. Kagome began to cover the urn over again.

"You know," Miroku said idly, as if he were commenting on the weather, "you're supposed to be resting."

"I am resting." Kagome smoothed the dirt. "I'm even sitting. See?"

"Digging isn't resting," he said. "And neither is purification."

Kagome sighed. "I had to do it."

"You should've waited until you were a little stronger."

"As long as I left her bones unpurified, someone could've brought her back." Kagome laid a gentle hand on the grave. "I couldn't let that happen."

Miroku blew out a breath of his own. "Well, will you at least go rest now?"

Kagome smiled wryly. "Twist my arm." She started to get to her feet, sitting back down quickly as her knees gave way. She glanced at Miroku guiltily. He smiled wryly and got to his own feet, offering her a hand. "This is so annoying," Kagome muttered, letting him help her up.

"It'd be less annoying if you gave yourself more time, you know," Miroku said, propping her up long enough to retrieve his staff.

"All right, all right," she said tartly. "You've made your point. If I had the time, I'd even consider it."

He shook her arm gently before settling it around his waist. "Kagome-sama...."

"We have to find him."

"Sango's been searching every day. She'll find him."

"But she hasn't found anything, has she?" Kagome whispered. She stopped in her tracks, gazing towards the Go Shinboku. "You know...."

"Hmmm?"

"I can feel him. Here." She laid a fist against her solar plexus. "Like a light."

"You can sense him?" Miroku kept his voice neutral, despite the prickle of amazement he felt. I knew her power and skills had grown -- hell, look what she did to my wards! -- but being able to sense Inuyasha? When he's not nearby? In her ki? If that's what she's saying, that is....

Kagome nodded. "He's gone... dim. And cold. He's getting further away with every day that passes." She swallowed. "I think.... I'm afraid...."

He's dying. Miroku could almost hear the words, despite the fact that Kagome would never say them. He swore to himself. "We'll find him, Kagome-sama. I promise. Whatever it takes." He tugged on her arm to start her walking again.

"But Sango-chan said she was having trouble picking up his tracks. Almost like he didn't want to be found."

"Sango told you that," Miroku said.

Kagome colored. "Um...."

"Kagome-sama," he warned. A tiny spark of hope thawed some of the chill in Miroku's heart. Eavesdropping was much more like the Kagome he knew, and nothing like the silent haunted-eyed girl of the more recent weeks.

"Okay, so maybe I overheard her telling Kaede-baachan."

"Eavesdropping is very unbecoming."

"Well, nobody's telling me anything. I'm tired, not deaf."

Miroku sighed and stopped them again, taking her by the upper arms. "Kagome-sama, once we have something to tell you, we'll tell you. Sango is an excellent tracker, and with Kirara's help, I'm sure she'll find something soon."

Kagome wrenched away from his grasp. "It's not enough!"

"You're not going to do him any good if you make yourself sick again," he said sharply.

"I don't care." Kagome wrapped her arms around herself, lowering her head. "I'll never be all right if something happens to him."

Miroku gazed at her for a long moment. "Can you find him?"

Her dark head shook. "I tried. I can only tell he's alive somewhere."

"Damn."

"So... I've got another idea."

He waited. When she didn't elaborate, he put a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Well?"

"We need someone. Someone who's had practice finding Inuyasha."

***

Miroku sat on Kaede's porch, trying to keep his thoughts from tumbling wildly over each other. He'd finally gotten Kagome secured in the quarantine hut; she'd gone quietly enough once he'd assured her that she had his complete support in her drive to find Inuyasha. But he needed a few minutes -- or hours -- to let her plan sink in. The rings on his shakujou sounded discordant to his ears as he spun it in his hands.

"Houshi-sama?"

He looked up and his heart lifted for no damn reason. "Sango." Her hair was disheveled, shadows circled her eyes, dirt smudged her cheek. She held her left arm in a way that told him she'd gotten a nasty kink in the middle of her back again; he'd often heard her complaining to Kagome about it when he'd accidentally passed by the hot spring where they were bathing. And yet, despite all this, she was still the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He smiled inwardly. Face it. You're hopeless. "No luck, I take it."

Sango shook her head, sinking onto the porch next to him. "I thought we'd picked something up around noon, but...." She sighed and stroked Kirara, who'd hopped into her lap to fall asleep with a rapidity astonishing even for a cat youkai.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like I could sleep for a week." She glanced automatically at the quarantine hut. "I mean... about as well as you'd expect, considering." Miroku nodded. Sango frowned at him. "Houshi-sama, is something wrong?"

He sighed and ran his hands through his bangs. "Kagome-sama has... a plan."

"She does?" When he didn't answer immediately, she leaned toward him. "What is it?"

"I want to tell you something before I tell you what her plan is."

"You're starting to worry me. What?" Miroku reached into his robes and pulled out the blank ofuda, fanning them. Sango frowned. "I don't understand."

"These are the ofuda I put on Kikyo-sama's urn."

Sango's face went blank with astonishment. "But how.... You put those on there. They couldn't have been erased." Her body tensed. "That means Kikyo-sama's remains are up there unprotected. Another witch could--"

"Another witch who tried to build something from those remains would achieve nothing but a lifeless, shapeless lump of clay," Miroku interrupted. "Those bones have been purified so completely that any karmic connection between them and Kikyo-sama's soul has been severed." He nodded at the ofuda. "This is a side effect."

Sango stared. "But... how?" she finally managed. "I can't even conceive of a spell that would do that."

Miroku tucked the ofuda away. "The caster would have to be both extraordinarily powerful and extraordinarily skilled."

"But we don't know anyone like that." He watched the comprehension fill her eyes. "Are you saying Kagome-chan did this? She can't do that! She's never done much more than arrows and shard purifications... until...."

He nodded, feeling an almost possessive pride in her rapid understanding. "You don't really need me here for this, do you?" Miroku stood up.

Sango's fingers tightened on Hiraikotsu's strap. "You leave and I'll break your legs," she warned. Miroku sat back down obediently, smothering a grin. "So what are you thinking? That Kikyo-sama possessed Kagome-chan?"

"No, I don't think so. She still acts very much like Kagome." For the most part. "Do you remember that Kikyo-sama said something about Kagome-sama drawing on her knowledge?"

"I... think so." Sango frowned into the gathering darkness. "When you asked her about what happened after we fought that boar, right?"

"Yes."

"She's still doing that? Drawing on Kikyo-sama's knowledge?"

"That's really my best guess."

"Houshi-sama...." She turned to look at him, pushing her hair back from her face, further smearing the dirt smudging it. "What does that mean? Is she...."

"I trust her," Miroku said softly. "Despite everything. Kagome-sama has a true heart." He took a breath. "But."

"Her plan?"

Miroku nodded. "She... wants to use outside help in finding Inuyasha." Sango's spine stiffened in automatic affront, and he put out a soothing hand. "She's frantic with worry, Sango. It has nothing to do with your skills."

Sango let a little "hmph" escape her. "Okay. So. Outside help? What does that mean?"

"Someone who's had practice finding Inuyasha."

She leaned back on her hands, chewing her lip idly. "So.... Kouga? After all, he owes her for saving those cubs from before."

"Yes, you would think he'd be the logical choice."

"Not Kouga? Then... who? There isn't a large number of youkai eager to help us, after all."

Miroku cleared his throat. "Sesshoumaru."

He watched the color drain from her face, making her even paler in the half-light. "I'm sorry. Did you just say...."

"Sesshoumaru," Miroku repeated. "Tall fellow, overdressed, evil sword."

Sango twisted Hiraikotsu's strap tightly around her fingers. "I don't.... Are you sure Kagome-chan's all right? I mean... Sesshoumaru! Why on earth would he help us find Inuyasha? He wants to kill him!"

"She thinks Sesshoumaru will want to save him because he wants to be the one who kills Inuyasha."

"I suppose," Sango said slowly. "After all, when Inuyasha was lost to his youkai blood before, Sesshoumaru did stay his hand. But what's to prevent him from killing Inuyasha after we find him?"

Miroku spread his hands helplessly. "She thinks she has sufficient incentive to keep him from doing so."

"Like... no." Sango shook her head. "Don't tell me. I don't want to know what Kagome-chan thinks she can do to keep Sesshoumaru in check. At least not until I've had a bath and a few hours' sleep."

"Sorry. I shouldn't have told you this all at once."

"No, I want to know what's going on. I just... need some sleep." They sat in silence for a moment. "Of course, that means I have to move."

"I could carry---"

"I could break your skull."

The brief smile creased his face, but he didn't look at her. "You know," Miroku said, as if answering her, "if you're still tired when she wants to leave, you don't need to come with. You've done so much already."

"Stay?" Sango said incredulously. "Oh, no, houshi-sama. We're all in this together. We live as a group, we die as a group."

"Very well." His next words were given barely enough breath to stir the warm twilight air. "I just don't want anything to happen to you. That's all."

Sango felt a warm flutter in her stomach, but for once, the sensation didn't make her nervous or agitated. She whispered, "But who will make sure nothing happens to you?"

Another silence stretched between them, even warmer and more companionable. "I made sure there was hot water in the bath for you," Miroku said eventually.

"Thank you." Sango pushed to her feet. "Do you know when Kagome-chan wants to leave?"

"A few more days. I made her promise to rest."

"That sounds like an excellent idea."

Miroku smiled up at her. "Doesn't it?"

She stood there a little longer than she intended, letting herself admire the way his mouth curved and his eyes shone. He tilted his head as he watched her watching him, and slowly an impish glint crept into his smile. "Sango?"

She shook herself. "Yes?"

"Did you want help washing your back?"

Sango caught herself before she could smile at him fondly. "You know, as thoughtful as that offer is...." She leaned down and tapped him lightly on the shoulder which only recently had ceased to be bandaged. "It would be such a shame to undo all of Kaede-sama's hard work."

His grin only widened. "Maybe it'd be worth it."

Sango slung Hiraikotsu over her shoulder and began to stroll away towards the bathhouse. "But then I'd have to cope with the guilt of injuring you when I knew there was a fight coming." She glanced over her shoulder. "Better play it safe." Despite her own fatigue, she found herself putting a little lilt into her walk as she went.

Miroku watched her hips sway until she'd vanished into the distance, then stretched idly, leaned against one of the porch supports, and closed his eyes. "Now, why would I do that?" he murmured.

***

If I die before you do
Believe me I'll be haunting you
I'll come upon you while you sleep
To drown you in a kiss so deep